Since Obie Fernandez posted his demands as a consultant I thought I would post mine too.
- I will be paid $10,000 per day, in $50 bills, in a titanium briefcase that you will purchase for the sole purpose of providing a container for my money. You may not re-use the briefcase for the next day's payment.
- The $50 bills must have been printed in the last three months and handled by no more than 2 people.
- Anybody handling the money must do so with clean white gloves that must be placed on the hand immediately before touching the briefcase. If the hand leaves the briefcase, the white gloves must be replaced with new ones before the briefcase is touched again.
- I will arrive in your city by a private jet. Fuel and any other costs incurred by this trip will be paid by you, and is not included in the $10k/day fee.
- Transportation from my jet to your workplace must be performed by a driver who is between the ages of 50 and 65, called Jeeves and drives a black Maybach. Jeeves must have been driving professionally for at least 20 years. A northern English accent is an additional, but not compulsory, nicety.
- You will provide an Apple Thunderbolt 30" display or at the very least a 30" Dell. If there is so much as a finger print or blemish on this monitor I will not use it. If there is even a single dead pixel I will sue your company out of existence.
- Blue M&Ms. Only. If I see another colour I will walk out without saying anything. No refunds.
- If I ask for something, there must be no questioning it. You will find a way to get me it, at your expense.
- Occasionally I will ask to use a person as a seat for an indeterminate length of time. This person must be strong enough to support my body weight and be adequately (but not overly) padded.
- When I am not using my soon-to-be-patented SeatPerson, I require an Aeron chair that is custom made for my measurements and that has an electronically heated base. If someone else has sat in this chair to test it out, even for a second, I will know and will demand another identical chair.
- The computer we will be using needs to be a top-of-the-line MacBook Pro or Mac Pro. Less than 2 months old. You will install whatever software I need before my arrival. You will be informed of this no more than 24 hours before-hand.
- Any extra equipment required for the machine will be provided by you at your expense. I will inform you of this no more than 24 hours before-hand as well.
- I will be using Vim. Or Emacs. Depends on how I feel on the day.
You can't do pull requests with gists? WTF?
storms out