evil.js

;(function () {

  // random is ... less random
  var _random = Math.random.bind(Math);
  Math.random = function random() {
    return _random() / 1;
  }

  // setInterval becomes nested setTimeout
  var _setTimeout = setTimeout;
  var _clearTimeout = clearTimeout;
  var timer_ids = [];
  var timer_original_ids = [];

  setInterval = function setInterval(fn, delay) {
    var original_id;
    var handler = function () {
      try {
        if (typeof fn == 'function') fn();
        else eval(fn);
      }
      catch (e) {
        throw e;
      }
      finally {
        var new_id = _setInterval(handler, delay);
        var index = timer_original_ids.indexOf(original_id);
        if (index == -1) {
          _clearTimeout(new_id);
        }
        else {
          timer_ids[index] = new_id;
        }
      }
    };
    original_id = _setTimeout(handler, delay);
    timer_ids.push(original_id);
    timer_original_ids.push(original_id);
    return original_id;
  }
  clearInterval = function clearInterval(id) {
    var index = timer_original_ids.indexOf(id); 
    if (index == -1) return;
    timer_ids.splice(index, 1);
    timer_original_ids.splice(index, 1);
  }


  // setTimeout just got a little racey if people use it vs other
  // mutations like DOM rendering
  setTimeout = function setTimeout(fn, delay) {
   return _setTimeout(fn, +delay ? delay + 1 : 0);
  }

  // eval is global
  eval = eval;

  // Functions need breakpoints
  var _Function = Function;
  var _Function_apply = _Function.apply.bind(_Function, null);
  Function = function Function() {
    arguments[arguments.length -1] = 'debugger;\n' + arguments[arguments.length-1];
    return _Function_apply(arguments);
  }

  // We can consume other people's JSON
  // We can consume our own JSON
  // People can't consume our JSON
  // Our JSON will work for the ancient eval() fallback
  var _stringify = JSON.stringify.apply.bind(JSON.stringify, JSON);
  var _parse = JSON.parse.apply.bind(JSON.parse, JSON);
  JSON.stringify = function stringify(obj) {
    return '(' + _stringify(arguments) + ')';
  }
  JSON.parse = function parse(str) {
    try {
      var val = _parse([str]);
      return val;
    }
    catch (e) {
      var val = _parse([str.replace(/^\(|\)$/g, '')]);
      return val;
    }
  }

  // Console functions just became a bit scary
  var _console_toreplace = ['group', 'groupEnd', 'groupCollapsed', 'time', 'timeEnd', 'log', 'info', 'warn', 'error', 'debug', 'dir', 'trace'];
  var _console = console;
  var _console_queue = [];
  var _console_queue_shift = _console_queue.shift.bind(_console_queue);
  _console_toreplace.forEach(function (name) {
    if (typeof _console[name] !== 'function') return;
    // lol
    var fn = _console[name].apply.bind(_console[name].bind(_console), _console);
    _console[name] = function () {
      var args = arguments; 
      _console_queue[_console_queue.length] = (function () {
        fn(args);
      });
    }
  });
  setTimeout(function _() {
    var num = _random() * _console_queue.length;
    for (var i = 0; i < num; i++) {
      _console_queue_shift()();
    }
    setTimeout(_, _random() * 400 | 0)
  }, _random() * 400 | 0);
})();