I wrote this when I was 15 in 1993. Evidently I was a snarky little cynic who hadn't yet perfected than/then.

QUIZ.BAS

5 CLS
10 PRINT "THIS PROGRAM HELPS WITH YOUR PROBLEMS"
15 PRINT
20 PRINT "NAME YOUR PROBLEM, IS IT"
25 PRINT
30 PRINT "A, MONEY; B, FAMILY; OR C, FRIENDS"
40 INPUT S$
50 IF S$ = "A" THEN 80
60 IF S$ = "B" THEN 160
70 IF S$ = "C" THEN 280
75 PRINT
80 PRINT "DO YOU HAVE ANY MONEY?"
90 INPUT M$
100 IF M$ = "Y" THEN 140
110 IF M$ = "N" THEN 120
120 PRINT "THAN THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM"
130 GOTO 350
140 PRINT "I DON'T THINK THAT YOU HAVE A PROBLEM"
150 GOTO 130
160 PRINT "DO YOU HAVE A FAMILY"
170 INPUT F$
180 IF F$ = "Y" THEN 220
190 IF F$ = "N" THEN 200
200 PRINT
210 PRINT "WELL GET ONE!"
215 GOTO 350
220 PRINT "DO THEY LIKE YOU"
230 INPUT L$
240 IF L$ = "Y" THEN 270
250 IF L$ = "N" THEN 260
260 PRINT "THAN MAKE THEM LIKE YOU"
265 GOTO 350
270 PRINT "THAN YOU DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM, STUPID"
280 PRINT "DO YOU HAVE ANY FRIENDS"
290 INPUT D$
300 IF D$ = "Y" THEN 320
310 IF D$ = "N" THEN 340
320 PRINT "I DON'T THINK YOU HAVE A PROBLEM"
330 GOTO 350
340 PRINT "WELL GET SOME FRIENDS"
350 PRINT
360 PRINT "DO YOU HAVE ANOTHER PROBLEM"
370 INPUT Z$
375 CLS
380 IF Z$ = "Y" THEN 15
390 IF Z$ = "N" THEN 400
400 END