appletexter.rb

require "nokogiri"
require "net/http"
require "twilio-ruby"

twilio = Twilio::REST::Client.new ENV['TWILIO_SID'], ENV['TWILIO_AUTH']
text_luke = -> (message) do
  twilio.account.sms.messages.create(
    from: ENV['TWILIO_PHONE'],
    to: ENV['LUKE'],
    body: message
  )
end

doc = Nokogiri::HTML.parse Net::HTTP.get URI.parse "https://developer.apple.com/support/system-status/"
status = Hash[doc.css(".status-table tr td").map{|element| [element.text, element["class"]] }]

if status["Certificates, Identifiers & Profiles"] == "online"
  puts "CIP online!"
  puts "Texting luke!!"

  text_luke.call "CIP is online!!!"
else
  puts "CIP is offline!"
end

if status["Software Downloads"] == "online"
  puts "Software Downloads are online!"
  puts "Texting luke!!!"

  text_luke.call "Software Downloads are online!"
else
  puts "Software Downloads are offline!"
end