So, wanted to write-up my thoughts on this not-in-a-tweet because I think it's both A) important for us as designers to be very, very good at being empathetic and B) I think it's important for us as humans to be very, very good at being empathetic. Here's the original tweet:
Every time I buy/give some food for a homeless person in New York they seem so disappointed. 😕
@schneidertobias unless they're asking for food, food might not be what they need in that moment.
@helenvholmes he said he needs cash because he is hungry.
I'll call this first explanation Perspective A. I want to impress that it's pretty normal to think this way and that sometimes it's valid. It's thinking this way without any supporting evidence that I personally don't agree with.
You see a homeless man. He wants cash and says he intends to buy food with it.
But does he? He is, after all, on the streets. Because of this it feels fairly obvious that he's not great at making good decisions for himself. He possibly intends to buy alcohol with it, or even worse drugs, and this thought scares you because you don't want to directly contribute to his situation becoming even worse. So you buy the food for him and give to him. He seems disappointed, and this annoys you: you didn't have to spend money on this stranger, but you did. How is that fair? I mean, c'mon. Not cool. Feeling this way is pretty normal; when you go out of your way to do something kind and they're unappreciative it feels shitty and you're definitely not inclined to do it again (so that you have is impressive in my eyes).
So, time for Perspective B. This is the empathetic part where we try to assume the best. But some context first:
When you go to work every day and you interact with coworkers, you normally assume that they're telling the truth. Even the ones who you barely know or are just meeting for the first time. This is mostly because it simplifies things; not believing someone to be truthful means you need to be very analytical about what their real motivations are, and this can be pretty stressful. It's not to say that we don't do this ever, just that we don't do it all the time. We assume the best. This sometimes nips us in the bud but generally this serves us just fine.
This does not extend to strangers as easily. It especially does not extend to homeless people.
If we assume the best, how do we answer: Why are homeless people homeless?
Well, if we're assuming the best, the answers can be crazy varied. It might come down to bad decisions just like it might come down to bad circumstance. I think of it this way: if you've ever been in a circumstance where you ended up losing and there was just nothing you could do about it, you can understand why someone might end up homeless and not because they decided to do drugs, or was a drunk, or was a bad person. Sometimes you just lose and you have to swallow it.
So, what's bad about buying food for someone who says they want cash for food?
Remember that trust you put in your coworkers that they're telling the truth? By buying food for them instead of giving them cash, you're not trusting them, are you? You're assuming that they can't make good decisions for themselves. It's sort of like going on a date with a girl and ordering food for her before she has the chance to speak to the waiter and say what she wants herself. There's a word for this, and it's paternalism. Maybe she wanted something else. Maybe you ordered something that wasn't quite her taste. Maybe she's allergic to peanuts.
For a homeless person, this could be: maybe you bought a Subway sandwich that would last only two meals, when they could have bought ramen that would have lasted them six. Maybe they were going to buy food and squirrel some away to pay off part of their phone bill so that they can stay in touch with people and figure out where to find more food and shelter. Maybe it's going to rain tonight, and they want to spend some of it on food and some of it on a hostel for the night. So, maybe he was lying to you. But maybe the things he was leaving unsaid weren't liquor if we go back to that idea of assuming the best. I've never been homeless, so part of the way I think of this is that a person who's been homeless for a while probably knows how to spend money more efficiently to survive while being homeless than I would as a person who's never been in that situation.
I don't know how your food-giving played out, and in all honesty: I think it's great that you do it. That you've done it multiple times despite disappointment on its receival. And I hope you keep doing it — being homeless fucking sucks. But it's for that reason it's important we don't automatically judge, and that we're empathetic, and that we try to be kind and trust our fellows.
"Even if we trust and we're wrong, that's not on us. When we give to the homeless it's not an investment, it's just being kind." —@krystynheide