Sketch of what a Chef recipe might look like in Erlang. But it should never happen.

crazy-chef-recipe.erl

#remote_file{
  name="/usr/local/src/ruby-enterprise-1.8.6-20090421.tar.gz",
  url="http://rubyforge.org/frs/download.php/55511/ruby-enterprise-1.8.6-20090421.tar.gz",
  not_if=fun() -> filelib:is_file("/usr/local/src/ruby-enterprise.tar.gz") end
},

#execute{
  name="expand REE tarball",
  command="tar xzf ruby-enterprise-1.8.6-20090421.tar.gz",
  pwd="/usr/local/src",
  not_if=fun() -> filelib:is_dir("/usr/local/src/ruby-enterprise-1.8.6-20090421") end
},

#execute{
 name="Install REE",
 command="./installer --auto=/usr/local && echo '1.8.6-20090421' > /etc/ruby-enterprise-version",
 pwd="/usr/local",
 not_if=fun() -> 
          filelib:is_file("/etc/ruby-enterprise-version") andalso 
          file:read_file("/etc/ruby-enterprise-edition") =:= {ok, <<"1.8.6-20090421">>}
        end
}.