larts

strangles $who with a doohicky mouse cord
pours hot grits down the front of $who's pants
beats $who senseless with a 50lb Unix manual
whacks $who with the cluebat
resizes $who's terminal to 40x24
drops a truckload of VAXen on $who
pulls out his louisville slugger and uses $who's head to break the homerun record
stabs $who
steals $who's mojo
holds $who to the floor and spanks him with a cat-o-nine-tails
installs WindowsME on $who's computer
makes Jack Bauer chase $who
pushes the wall down onto $who whilst whistling innocently
--purges $who
decapitates $who conan the destroyer style
cats /dev/urandom into $who's ear
does a little 'renice 20 -u $who'
tackles $who, sits on $who and starts scratching at $who's chest
slaps $who with a soggy sock
drops $who from a helicopter 5 miles in the sky. Without parachute
throws $who into /dev/null
chases $who with a big pointy stick
smacks $who with a big clue-by-four
bites $who
sends FesterAnvil hurtling through the sky to land on $who
shoots $who in the face with a rocket
tickles $who's feet with a feather
splats $who with a large hammer
divides $who by zero
sets $who's keyboard layout to gaelic
gets the neuraliser out and points it at $who
smacks $who with a vista DVD. COOTIES!
spanks $who with a pink tutu
forces $who to use perl for 3 weeks
forces $who to use perl for 3 weeks
pokes $who in the eye
signs $who up for AOL
enrolls $who in Visual Basic 101
judo chops $who
sells $who on E-Bay
forces $who to use emacs for 3 weeks
puts alias vim=emacs in $who's /etc/profile
reads $who some vogon poetry
puts $who in the Total Perspective Vortex
uses $who as a biological warfare study
pierces $who's nose with a rusty paper hole puncher
pokes $who with a rusty nail
files $who under the L for lame
forces $who to talk in reverse polish notation for the rest of the year
slurps up all of $who's memory by installing vista
replaces Ubuntu with Windows Vista on $who's PC
forces $who to write an operating system in Logo
hits $who with the entire Windows bug list
kills $who by dropping the OOXML spec in his neck
pokes $who in the face with scissors ✁☻