hell.sql

SELECT ... FROM crates ...
WHERE (
    (canon_crate_name(name) = canon_crate_name("foo")) IS NOT NULL
  AND
    (canon_crate_name(name) = canon_crate_name("foo")) <
    (
      SELECT canon_crate_name(name) = canon_crate_name("foo")
      FROM crates
      WHERE id = 1234
      LIMIT 1
    )
    IS NOT FALSE
) OR (
    (canon_crate_name(name) = canon_crate_name("foo")) IS NOT DISTINCT FROM
    (
      SELECT canon_crate_name(name) = canon_crate_name("foo")
      FROM crates
      WHERE id = 1234
      LIMIT 1
    )
  AND (
      downloads IS NOT NULL
    AND
      downloads <
      (
        SELECT downloads
        FROM crates
        WHERE id = 1234
        LIMIT 1
      )
      IS NOT FALSE
  )
) OR (
    (canon_crate_name(name) = canon_crate_name("foo")) IS NOT DISTINCT FROM
    (
      SELECT canon_crate_name(name) = canon_crate_name("foo")
      FROM crates
      WHERE id = 1234
      LIMIT 1
    )
  AND
    downloads IS NOT DISTINCT FROM
    (
      SELECT downloads
      FROM crates
      WHERE id = 1234
      LIMIT 1
    )
    IS NOT FALSE
  AND (
      id IS NULL
    OR
      id >
      (
        SELECT id
        FROM crates
        WHERE id = 1234
        LIMIT 1
      )
      IS TRUE
  )
)
ORDER BY
  canon_crate_name(name) = canon_crate_name("foo") DESC,
  downloads DESC,
  id ASC
LIMIT 100