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I was visited by the gains fairy this week.

There's this massive bald black dude who works out early in the morning. There's no way he isn't juicing. His tank top looks like a g string on him, he's got veins popping out everywhere. I swear this dude has visible capillaries, it's unreal. He sweats like he's in a sauna the whole time, just dripping. Carries 2 towels around. Yells on the way up when he squats. Talks to himself in the mirror shrugging. I was embarrassed to ask him for a spot the first time, just because my 2 plate bench seemed so feeble next to this monster of a man. But it was 5:30 AM, and it was him or the fat guy doing curls with kettlebells.

Anyways, so I'm only looking for 1 rep on this set (5/3/1) but hoping for 2. He doesn't touch the bar, thank god. I Get the first rep with great form, then struggle to get the second rep up. He leans over me and yells, "YOU'VE GOT 3!" I'm startled, but what the hell, he can bail me out if I fail. So I pause at the top and try 3. On my way up, he's still bent over me, still not touching the bar. I'm thinking there's no way I'm getting this up when he yells, "YOU'VE GOT 4!" I get it up the 3rd time and lock my elbows, shaking all over. His face is practically on the bar, he's dripping sweat on me now, and his crazy eyes looking at me like he's furious at me. "FOUR!" he bellows at me.

I don't even think about it, I just drop the bar back down to my chest and start pressing again. There's no strength left in my arms, the bar is wobbling over me, and his dripping face is there right over it still yelling, "YOU'VE GOT FOUR!" I'm halfway up, straining like I've never strained at anything. My head feels like its about to explode. Then my breath explodes out in barbaric yell, and this crazy fucker yells right back at me. The whole gym has got to be staring at the two men screaming at each other over a barbell.

And then I realize it's up.

He snatches it and reracks it. "Fuck yeah, I told you ha had four," he says, walking away.