A snippet for KeyRemap4MacBook that will teach you to use the correct shift keys.

correct_shift_keys.xml

  <list>
    <item>
      <name>Use the correct goddamed shift keys.</name>
      <identifier>private.fucking_shift_keys_how_do_they_work</identifier>

      <autogen>--KeyToKey-- KeyCode::Q, ModifierFlag::SHIFT_L, KeyCode::VK_NONE</autogen>
      <autogen>--KeyToKey-- KeyCode::W, ModifierFlag::SHIFT_L, KeyCode::VK_NONE</autogen>
      <autogen>--KeyToKey-- KeyCode::E, ModifierFlag::SHIFT_L, KeyCode::VK_NONE</autogen>
      <autogen>--KeyToKey-- KeyCode::R, ModifierFlag::SHIFT_L, KeyCode::VK_NONE</autogen>
      <autogen>--KeyToKey-- KeyCode::T, ModifierFlag::SHIFT_L, KeyCode::VK_NONE</autogen>
      <autogen>--KeyToKey-- KeyCode::A, ModifierFlag::SHIFT_L, KeyCode::VK_NONE</autogen>
      <autogen>--KeyToKey-- KeyCode::S, ModifierFlag::SHIFT_L, KeyCode::VK_NONE</autogen>
      <autogen>--KeyToKey-- KeyCode::D, ModifierFlag::SHIFT_L, KeyCode::VK_NONE</autogen>
      <autogen>--KeyToKey-- KeyCode::F, ModifierFlag::SHIFT_L, KeyCode::VK_NONE</autogen>
      <autogen>--KeyToKey-- KeyCode::G, ModifierFlag::SHIFT_L, KeyCode::VK_NONE</autogen>
      <autogen>--KeyToKey-- KeyCode::Z, ModifierFlag::SHIFT_L, KeyCode::VK_NONE</autogen>
      <autogen>--KeyToKey-- KeyCode::X, ModifierFlag::SHIFT_L, KeyCode::VK_NONE</autogen>
      <autogen>--KeyToKey-- KeyCode::C, ModifierFlag::SHIFT_L, KeyCode::VK_NONE</autogen>
      <autogen>--KeyToKey-- KeyCode::V, ModifierFlag::SHIFT_L, KeyCode::VK_NONE</autogen>

      <autogen>--KeyToKey-- KeyCode::Y,         ModifierFlag::SHIFT_R, KeyCode::VK_NONE</autogen>
      <autogen>--KeyToKey-- KeyCode::U,         ModifierFlag::SHIFT_R, KeyCode::VK_NONE</autogen>
      <autogen>--KeyToKey-- KeyCode::I,         ModifierFlag::SHIFT_R, KeyCode::VK_NONE</autogen>
      <autogen>--KeyToKey-- KeyCode::O,         ModifierFlag::SHIFT_R, KeyCode::VK_NONE</autogen>
      <autogen>--KeyToKey-- KeyCode::P,         ModifierFlag::SHIFT_R, KeyCode::VK_NONE</autogen>
      <autogen>--KeyToKey-- KeyCode::H,         ModifierFlag::SHIFT_R, KeyCode::VK_NONE</autogen>
      <autogen>--KeyToKey-- KeyCode::J,         ModifierFlag::SHIFT_R, KeyCode::VK_NONE</autogen>
      <autogen>--KeyToKey-- KeyCode::K,         ModifierFlag::SHIFT_R, KeyCode::VK_NONE</autogen>
      <autogen>--KeyToKey-- KeyCode::L,         ModifierFlag::SHIFT_R, KeyCode::VK_NONE</autogen>
      <autogen>--KeyToKey-- KeyCode::SEMICOLON, ModifierFlag::SHIFT_R, KeyCode::VK_NONE</autogen>
      <autogen>--KeyToKey-- KeyCode::N,         ModifierFlag::SHIFT_R, KeyCode::VK_NONE</autogen>
      <autogen>--KeyToKey-- KeyCode::M,         ModifierFlag::SHIFT_R, KeyCode::VK_NONE</autogen>
      <autogen>--KeyToKey-- KeyCode::COMMA,     ModifierFlag::SHIFT_R, KeyCode::VK_NONE</autogen>
      <autogen>--KeyToKey-- KeyCode::DOT,       ModifierFlag::SHIFT_R, KeyCode::VK_NONE</autogen>
      <autogen>--KeyToKey-- KeyCode::QUOTE,     ModifierFlag::SHIFT_R, KeyCode::VK_NONE</autogen>
    </item>
  </list>