author: @sleepyfox
title: Pairing, and coaching
date: 19 September 2021
preamble: A coaching technique may help your everyday pairing practice
When I first read Kent's book, eXtreme Programming eXplained back in the early 2000's, pairing immediately made sense to me, in a way that it apparently didn't for many back then - and by many accounts still doesn't. The thing that was different for me, was that I already had many years of experience pairing, just in a completely different context.
Aikido is a martial art that is, like XP, counter-intuitive in many aspects. One of the ways that this is so is in the method of teaching and practice. Unlike most martial arts, there are no solo forms, or 'kata' in Aikido[1]. There are good reasons for this, but I'm not here to debate Ueshiba Sensei's pedagogy, at least today. Instead, all practice takes roughly the following form:
- Class lines up seated on the mat;
- Instructor calls for a
victimpartner to demonstrate a technique; - Instructor demonstrates technique, with or without verbal commentary;
- Class splits up into pairs to practice technique;
- Instructor calls 'Yame' (Stop);
- Goto 1.
There is a ton of stuff going on in here that I won't detail right now, but this is the basic format of most lessons. It is all pairing; pairing to demonstrate and pairing to practice.
So when I read XP eXplained I'd already been pairing for a decade, pairing just made sense to me.
This brings me to my main point: on your practice vs. you partner's practice.
I had travelled with my instructor over to the association's headquarters in Bristol. Whilst on the mat there I was practising with someone I didn't know - quite usual when you're visiting another training hall - they were doing something slightly different from what the instructor had just demonstrated. I helpfully pointed this out to my partner. Before they could reply the Chief Instructor, who was circulating about the class, said to me "Pay attention to your own practice, let Uke (your partner) worry about theirs". It was said quite sternly. I didn't really understand it at the time, and put it down to the Chief Instructor being a gruff and irascible fellow who didn't like others trying to teach when he was on the mat.
It was years later that I found myself in the same situation, practising a different art entirely, saying the same thing to a partner who was earnestly trying to correct my practice. Except that what they saw as an error, wasn't. I was just doing something different, because I was practising on a higher level; they couldn't recognise that - they just saw something different and wanted to 'correct' it. I tried to be more sensitive than the way the message had been delivered to me, but probably still failed. They probably thought of me as gruff and irascible. The wheel turns.
Later I came to recognise that the two situations were the same. When I am practising with someone, particularly if it is someone who I don't regularly pair with, it is difficult to know their context, where they're at, the things that they're working on in their own practice. It would be presumptuous to assume that what I see is an error, or even to infer that my partner is unaware of it. Instead of assuming, perhaps it is better to concentrate on my own practice, and not to try and 'correct' theirs. At the very least, it would be wise to ask a question, rather than assume. "Did you mean to put that there when doing this?", or "I noticed this, could you tell me what you're thinking?".
Pairing on code is the same, particularly when we are pairing with someone whom we don't ordinarily pair with. When it looks like your pair is making a mistake, don't assume that what they're doing is unwitting. Talk about it. Admittedly there's a learned element here of 'external processing', being able to articulate verbally what you're doing as you're doing it, so that your partner can follow along and share in your thinking. I have noticed:
- Many people seem to struggle with external processing, it is definitely a learned skill;
- Even if we are externally processing, there's usually so much going on that we're only verbalising the tip of the iceberg.
Give them the benefit of the doubt, and have a conversation rather than immediately assuming that they're making a mistake. Then tell me if this helps you.
[1]. Yes, I know, technically there are actually a couple of solo kata in Aikido, at least in Iwama Ryu - the jusan no jo and the sanjuichi no jo. As far as everyday practice for the majority of students however, and certainly in comparison to other arts like Karate, there is no solo practice in Aikido.
I try to use the Think Aloud Protocol when I'm pairing (until my partner gets tired of it :) )