rickandmorty.402.js

rickandmorty.js

var r_text = new Array ();
r_text[0] = "Nobody exists on purpose, nobody belongs anywhere, everybody's gonna die. Come watch TV.";
r_text[1] = "Wubba lubba dub dub!";
r_text[2] = "To live is to risk it all, otherwise you're just an inert chunk of randomly assembled molecules drifting wherever the universe blows you.";
r_text[3] = "Well, all is forgiven, because right now, I’ve got an erection the size of an East Coast lighthouse, and I’m coming home to share it with my beautiful wife.";
r_text[4] = "All I have are pictures are of me and my friends from school. What? What teenage girl has pictures of her family? It's not like we're Mormon or dying";
r_text[5] = "Get off the high road, Summer! We all got pinkeye because you won't stop texting on the toilet.";
r_text[6] = "No, no, I haven't seen that. I mean, why would a Pop-Tart want to live inside a toaster, Rick? I mean, th-that would be like the scariest place for them to live. Y'know what I mean?";
r_text[7] = "And this is why you don't invite a Floopy Doop and a Shmoopy Doop to the same party.";
r_text[8] = "My life has been a lie! God is dead! The government's lame! Thanksgiving is about killing Indians! Jesus wasn't born on Christmas! They moved the date, it was a pagan holiday!";
r_text[9] = "That's because losers look stuff up while the rest of us are carp'en all them 'diems.";
r_text[10] = "I'm Doctor Who in this motherfucker! I could be a clone! I could be a hologram! We could clones controlled by robots controlled by special headsets that the real Rick and Morty are wearing while they're fucking your mother!";
r_text[11] = "60 for the resonator, and my grandson wants the sex robot.";
r_text[12] = "Yeah, well, tough titties.";
r_text[13] = "Morty, I'm a drunk, not a hack.";
r_text[14] = "You got some of that mermaid puss.";
r_text[15] = "Don't break an arm jerking yourself off, Morty.";
r_text[16] = "TO GET R*ugghhb*IGGITY RIGGITY WRECKED SOONN";
r_text[17] = "Come on, flip the pickle, Morty. You're not gonna regret it. The payoff is huge. I turned myself into a pickle, Morty! Boom! Big reveal! I'm a pickle! What do you think about that? I turned myself into a pickle! W-what are you just staring at me for, bro? I turned myself into a pickle, Morty.";
r_text[18] = "I’m sorry, but your opinion means very little to me.";
r_text[19] = "Hi Mr. Jellybean, I’m Morty. I’m on an adventure with my grandpa.";
r_text[20] = "Thanks, Mr. Poopybutthole. I always could count on you.";
r_text[21] = "I don’t like it here Morty. I can’t abide bureaucracy. I don’t like being told where to go and what to do. I consider it a violation. Did you get those seeds all the way up your butt?";
r_text[22] = "Excuse me. Coming through. What are you here for? Just kidding, I don’t care.";
r_text[23] = "Nobody exists on purpose. Nobody belongs anywhere. We’re all going to die. Come watch TV.";
r_text[23] = "Life is effort and I’ll stop when I die!";
r_text[24] = "Stay scientific, Jerry.";
r_text[25] = "My life has been a lie… God is dead. The government’s lame! Thanksgiving is about killing Indians!";
r_text[26] = "This pickle doesn’t care about your children. I’m not gonna take their dreams. I’m gonna take their parents.";
r_text[27] = "You know, we did something great today. There’s nothing more noble and free than the heart of a horse.";
r_text[28] = "Life is effort and I’ll stop when I die!";
r_text[29] = "Alright, Morty, this’ll make your piss drinkable. Now can we keep shopping?";
r_text[30] = "Is evil real, and if so, can it be measured? Rhetorical question. The answer’s yes, you just have to be a genius.";
r_text[31] = "So I have an emo streak. It’s part of what makes me so rad.";
r_text[32] = "Hey, muchacho, does your planet have wiper fluid yet or you gonna freak out and start worshipping us?";
r_text[33] = "Existence is pain to a meeseeks Jerry, and we will do anything to alleviate that pain.";
r_text[34] = "Dad, am I evil?";
r_text[35] = "It’s a new machine. It detects stuff all the way up your butt.";
r_text[36] = "Morty, I need your help on an adventure. Eh, “”need”” is a strong word. We need door stops, but a brick would work too.";
r_text[37] = "Listen, Morty, I hate to break it to you but what people call ‘love’ is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. It hits hard, Morty, then it slowly fades, leaving you stranded in a failing marriage. I did it. Your parents are gonna do it. Break the cycle, Morty. Rise above. Focus on science.";
r_text[38] = "Weddings are basically funerals with cake.";
r_text[39] = "Be good, Morty. Be better than me.";
r_text[40] = "Babylegs, you’re a good detective. But not good enough, because of your baby legs.";
r_text[41] = "This place is a real Who’s Who of who’s you and me.";
r_text[42] = "We all remember you as a friend.";
r_text[43] = "Morty, get their weapons quick. I only had one of those things. I’m holding a carton of Tic-Tacs right now.";
r_text[44] = "It’s funny to say they are small…it’s funny to say they are big.";
r_text[45] = "You act like prey but you’re a predator! You use pity to lure in your victims. That’s how you survive!";
r_text[46] = "That’s it! That’s it, Rick! I’m taking the wheel!";
r_text[47] = "Bird Person! NO!!!";
r_text[48] = "Grandpa goes around, and he does his business in public because Grandpa isn’t shady.";
r_text[49] = "Goodbyyyyye, Moonmen. Goodbyyyyye, Moonmen…";
r_text[50] = "I’m Mr. Crowbar, and this is my friend, who is also a crowbar.";
r_text[51] = "Wubba lubba dub dub!";
r_text[52] = "What about the reality where Hitler cured cancer, Morty? The answer is: Don’t think about it.";
r_text[53] = "What, so everyone’s supposed to sleep every single night now? Y-you realize that nighttime makes up half of all time?";
r_text[54] = "You’re a monster. You’re like Hitler but even Hitler cared about Germany or something!";
r_text[55] = "I’m not staring at you. I’m taking your mugshot.";
r_text[56] = "God? God is turning people into giant insect monsters, Beth. I’m the one who’s beating them to death. Thank me.";
r_text[57] = "Unity, I’m sorry. I didn’t know freedom meant people doing stuff that sucks. I was thinking more of a ‘choose your own cellphone carrier’ thing.";
r_text[58] = "Million Ants, ladies and gentlemen! The amazing ant colony with the power of two human eyes!";
r_text[59] = "Be good, Morty. Be better than me.";
r_text[60] = "When you know nothing matters, the universe is yours. And I’ve never met a universe that was into it.";
r_text[61] = "God’s turning people into insect monsters, Beth. I’m the one beating them to death. Thank me.";
r_text[62] = "Listen, I’m not the nicest guy in the universe, because I’m the smartest, and being nice is something stupid people do to hedge their bets.";
r_text[63] = "There is no god, Summer; gotta rip that band-aid off now you’ll thank me later.";
r_text[64] = "We’ve got a lot of friends and family to exterminate.";
r_text[65] = "Homework is stupid. The whole point is to try and get less of it. We’re gonna incept your teacher. …Y-You’re frustrating me.";
r_text[66] = "My story begins at the dawn of time in the far away realm of Alphabetrium.";
r_text[67] = "How do you feel about all the innocent people that are dying because of your choices?";
r_text[68] = "Hungry for Apples?";
r_text[69] = "Sometimes science is a lot more art than science. A lot of people don’t get that.";
r_text[70] = "I’m Tiny Rick!";
r_text[71] = "I know I’m new to the Citadel and some of you might think I haven’t put in my time but what can I say? I’m Cool Rick!";
r_text[72] = "Sometimes science is more art than science, Morty. Lot of people don’t get that.";
r_text[73] = "If I let you make me nervous, then we can’t get schwifty.";
r_text[74] = "This is the supergenius equivalent of dying on the toilet.";
r_text[75] = "Get off the high road Summer. We all got pink eye because you won’t stop texting on the toilet.";
r_text[76] = "I just want to go back to Hell, where everyone thinks I’m smart and funny.";
r_text[77] = "Lemme check my list of powers and weaknesses: ability to do anything, but only whenever I want.";
r_text[78] = "Let’s get this dumb universe rollin’!";
r_text[79] = "My interdimensional portal device… it’s got no charge left, Morty. It’s got no charge left. It’s as good as garbage";
r_text[80] = "I’m sorry, Morty. It’s a bummer. In reality you’re as dumb as they come.";
r_text[81] = "Nine seasons, Morty! Nine more seasons until I get that dipping Szechuan sauce. And 97 more years, Morty!";
r_text[82] = "Don’t deify the people who leave you";
r_text[83] = "Great dancing as always, Tiny Rick.";
r_text[84] = "I’m not staring at you. I’m a cyborg photographer.";
r_text[85] = "Come home to the flavor of shattering the grand illusion. Come home to Simple Rick’s.";
r_text[86] = "School’s not a place for smart people. I know that’s not a popular opinion, but that’s my two cents on the issue.";
r_text[87] = "I’m Pickle Riiiick!";
r_text[88] = "My kind has no use for names. I communicate through what you call, “”Jessica’s feet.”” No, “”telepathy.””";
r_text[89] = "We both know if there’s a truth in the universe, it’s that Ricks don’t care about Mortys.";
r_text[90] = "Burger time!";
r_text[91] = "What is my purpose?”” “”You pass butter.”” “”…Oh my God.”” “”Yeah, welcome to the club, pal.";
r_text[92] = "Listen, Morty, I hate to break it to you but what people call “love” is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. It hits hard, Morty, then it slowly fades, leaving you stranded in a failing marriage. I did it. Your parents are gonna do it. Break the cycle, Morty. Rise above. Focus on science.";
r_text[93] = "Ovenless brownies!";
r_text[94] = "The world is full of idiots who don’t understand what’s important! And they’ll try to tear us apart, Morty!";
r_text[95] = "I’m not looking for judgement, just a yes or no. Can you assimilate a giraffe?";
r_text[96] = "Get off the high road, Summer. We all got pink eye because you won’t stop texting on the toilet.";
r_text[97] = "Oh, unbelievable. We got a bunch of… computer people here, with their faces stuffed in computer screens. Do you guys realize Christ was born today? Jesus Christ our Savior was born today! A-A-Are you people even human?";
r_text[98] = "You know, the only problem here is a big fat brain that misses eating all them big fat problems";
r_text[99] = "Lambs to the cosmic slaughter!";
r_text[100] = "Boom! Big reveal! I turned myself into a pickle!";
r_text[101] = "Huntin’ a vampire with my grandkids! Tiny Rick!";
r_text[102] = "What, so everyone’s supposed to sleep every single night now? You realize that nighttime makes up half of all time?";
r_text[103] = "Rick. I am pleased that you and your family could witness my melding ceremony";
r_text[104] = "its a device Morty, that when you put it in your ear, you can enter people’s dreams Morty. Its just like that movie that you keep crowing about";
r_text[105] = "Oxygen-rich atmosphere… Giant testicle monsters… Let’s keep the party going!";
r_text[106] = "Ugh. You guys get the baskets. I’ll try to disarm the drunkenly improvised neutrino bomb.";
r_text[107] = "I was using ghoulish overkill! Ghoulish overkill, Summer!";
r_text[108] = "If I die in a cage, I lose a bet.";
r_text[109] = "Think for yourselves. Don’t be sheep.";
r_text[110] = "He’s not pressing charges… That’s gotta be the “you shot me” equivalent of not being mad.";
r_text[111] = "Existence is pain to a meeseeks Jerry, and we will do anything to alleviate that pain.";
r_text[112] = "Weddings are basically funerals with cake.";
r_text[113] = "How’s your fake grandpa, aka the Devil?";

var i = Math.floor(r_text.length * Math.random());

document.write( r_text[i]);