Because this was so needed.

alarmclock.sh

#!/bin/bash

MPD_HOST=192.168.0.105
MPC=/usr/bin/mpc
NOISY_SHIT='Cowboy Bebop/Cowboy Bebop OST 1 - Cowboy Bebop/01 - Tank!.mp3'

CHECK_URL="http://flying.sexsnak.es/alarmclockdisable"
CHECK_FILE="/root/.alarmclockdisable"

check_disabled() {
    # are we really going to do this?
    echo -n "Checking if disabled via HTTP request... "

    disabled=$(/usr/bin/curl -I $CHECK_URL 2>/dev/null | grep -c '^HTTP/1.1 200 OK')
    if [ $disabled -eq 0 ]; then
        echo 'PASS'
    else
        echo 'STOPPING!'
        echo "$CHECK_URL returns 200."
        exit
    fi
    
    echo -n "Checking if disabled via $CHECK_FILE... "

    if [ -f $CHECK_FILE ]; then
        echo 'STOPPING!'
        echo "$CHECK_FILE exists."
        rm -fv $CHECK_FILE # so we have a temporary alarm stop (this file) and a semi-permanent one (the HTTP check)
        exit
    else
        echo 'PASS'
    fi
}

email_me() {
    date | mail -s 'Dear appletini, pl0x wake up, sincerely komputah.' rev@badthin.gs
}

incessant_beeping() {
    # final warning before I start blasting music at 9pm for 3 hours.
    for i in {1..27}; do
        /usr/bin/beep -f 659 -l 460 -n -f 784 -l 340 -n -f 659 -l 230 -n -f 659 -l 110 -n -f 880 -l 230 -n -f 659 -l 230 -n -f 587 -l 230 -n -f 659 -l 460 -n -f 988 -l 340 -n -f 659 -l 230 -n -f 659 -l 110 -n -f 1047-l 230 -n -f 988 -l 230 -n -f 784 -l 230 -n -f 659 -l 230 -n -f 988 -l 230 -n -f 1318 -l 230 -n -f 659 -l 110 -n -f 587 -l 230 -n -f 587 -l 110 -n -f 494 -l 230 -n -f 740 -l 230 -n -f 659 -l 460
        sleep 1
    done
}

annoy_neighbors() {
    $MPC clear
    $MPC volume 100 
    $MPC repeat
    $MPC add "$NOISY_SHIT"
    $MPC play
}

check_disabled
email_me
incessant_beeping
check_disabled # i might disable the alarm clock before it's finished witht he incessant beeping
annoy_neighbors # sorry