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Last active December 21, 2015 02:19
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try not to poison yourself with this weird old tip

ersatz bibimbap

bibimbap as i make it is basically

  • rice
  • sitr fried vegetables
  • some meat in tasty spices
  • gochujang (this is fermented soy bean paste with paprika)
  • a fried egg
  • sliced spring onions atop

rice

rinse it a bit first, then y'know, cook it

i.e throw hot water over it, salt, bring it to the boil, sitr, cover and wait 15 or so minutes, then sieve it, pour some water through it and mix it up with a fork. done. lovely. why am I even explaining this.

veg

take any veg you like.

  • beansprouts
  • bell pepper
  • carrots
  • pak choi
  • baby corn
  • spinach
  • whatever

always use beansprouts. that's apparently a thing.

anyway, slice it thinly (you know, except for the ones that don't need slicing, like beansprouts or spinach), and cook the vegetables one type at a time in a wok or pan, in some oil. sesame oil is good, nut oil is also good. you can throw a tiny bit of flavour in the pan too. i dry fried a pinch garam masala in first.

don't be tempted to throw it all in, it ruins the fun of letting people pick the veg they want. don't worry if it does get a little mixed though.

as per usual, the hotter the pan/wok, the better, stir fry it and leave the cooked veg on another plate.

(spinach works better in butter than in oil imho, ymmw)

you can also have some pickled veg too, but you don't need to fry it, ok ?

meats

i had half a kilo of meat. i took the meat, sliced it up finely into strips (there is a theme here) and put it in a bowl of tasty things

  • a whole bunch of chillis without seeds (i used 7 or 8 thai chillis and 2 scotch bonnets) (if you leave out the seeds, it won't be as hot but pretty much just as tasty)
  • as much garlic as you want. I use half a bulb. don't skimp.
  • some fresh coriander, probably about 8-15 stems? bits?
  • some ginger. I use a lump about the volume of my thumb
  • a splash of worchester sauce (this one you should be a bit stingy with)
  • some soy sauce (don't get low salt, i like plain old kikkoman, or better yet, tamari)
  • some lime juice and some lemon. i crushed half a lime and less lemon.
  • some smoked paprika. spanish smoked paprika is best. add some more. and again. do it.
  • some cumin seeds I crushed, rawr! like a teaspoon, I dunno.
  • oh and some black pepper. white pepper too if you have it.
  • if you're feeling like it, a pinch of oregano but frankly I was just bored at this point.

i have no idea how much or little I put in. it usually changes. just play around.

anyway, leave the meat in this tasty mess for at least 30 mins or so. leave it in too long, it won't be happy. no more than an afteroon anyhow. this is a marinade, so feel free to go overboard with the proportions. that said lemon/lime will temper most of it.

now you have this lovely meat in lovely spices, and you're leaving it alone for a bit, it's time to prepare the onions.

  • take some onion, slice or dice it, whatever, and slowly fry it for as long as you can wait. like seriously, 30 mins is good, an hour is better. 10 minutes is acceptable.
  • now you've waited that time, both for the onions and the meats, throw the meat in and cook it don't put all the sauce in, but hey, see how you feel. less sauce will make it fry quicker.
  • if the meat isn't tender enough, add water and bring to the boil forever.

preparing

  • cut up all the veg you want to fry, and put on a plate.
  • cut up the garnish (spring onions) and put to one side.
  • cut up an onion too, and put it somewhere.
  • time to make the marinade
  • finally add the meat and mash it around with your hands. get them dirty

now you should have a plate of veg, a bowl of meat that smells amazing, and some spring onions for later, and an onion.

  • let's fry the onions slowly
  • oh and now you can put the rice on
  • now get a hot wok and fry the vegetables
  • you'll probably have to take the rice off just before you finish up with the veg.
  • done with the veg? turn the oven on a low heat and put some bowls in, and the plate of veg.
  • those onions should look cracking by now, so let's add the meat and just let your kitchen fill with smells.
  • hurrah the meat is done and tasty.
  • get a frying pan ready to fry some eggs too.

serving

  • take an oven warmed bowl
  • put rice in bowl
  • put lovely veg in bowl that are humming of sesame oil.
  • add the tasty meat you've been waiting forever for
  • add a dollop of gochujang. feel free to add more later if you're not brave enough right now.
  • put a mostly fried egg atop (maybe a bit of a runny yoke), and sprinkle some spring onions too
  • oh man, if you have kimchi, now is a good time. (if you don't have kimchi, any pickled cabbage is cool)
  • stir it like crazy.
  • put in mouth.
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