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The most comprehensive list of programmer jokes on the internet. Period. (Comprehensiveness of this list is in no way guaranteed. Statements of comprehensiveness are not meant to imply comprehensiveness. Use jokes at your own risk.) LICENSE: Creative Commons Sharealike
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lol.md

Comprehensive list of programmer jokes

How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one. But then the whole house falls down.
How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. That is a hardware problem.
How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
This is a known issue. When we installed the lightbulb we knew it had a finite TTL.
How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to establish that the lightbulb is no longer functioning as intended and another to call Building Maintenance about the burnt out bulb.
There are ten kinds of people in this world: those who understand binary and those who don't.
*Knock knock*
Who's there?
[long pause]
Java!
Three Haskell programmers walk into a bar. The bartender asks "do you all want a beer?"
The first one says "no."
The other two turn out to never have walked into the bar at all.
A QA Engineer walks into a bar.
The QA engineer orders a beer. Orders 0 beers. Orders 999999999 beers. Orders a lizard. Orders -1 beers. Orders a sfdeljknesv.
A QA Engineer walks into a bar. Orders a beer. Orders 0 beers. Orders 999999999 beers. Orders a lizard. Orders -1 beers. Orders a sfdeljknesv.
The bartender pours one beer and says "it works on my machine."
Why did the developer cross the road?
There was something he wanted to C.
Why did the developer cross the road?
To get to the other IDE.
That developer who finds reason to disagree with everything is a practitioner of object-oriented programming.
Why did the developer cross the road?
The chicken wasn't committed.
Programmer: (noun)
A machine that turns coffee into code.
@textarcana
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PEOPLE keep the joke lists coming! imma synthesize TEH BETS joke list ever.

http://www.devtopics.com/best-programming-jokes/

http://stackoverflow.com/questions/234075/what-is-your-best-programmer-joke

@ambertests
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Why are assembly programmers always wet?

Because they work under C level.

@cshaley
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cshaley commented Jan 13, 2020

LOTS of good ones here: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1kvhmz/whats_the_best_programming_joke_that_you_know/

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