writing-Active listening how to.md

writing-Active listening how to.md

Active Listening

borrowed from All Kings mens group by Bill Wich.

Active listening is doing one of the following 3 actions in the course of conversation:

1. BE SILENT. Curiously, SILENT and LISTEN have the same letters.
2. ECHO. Repeat their words verbatim or do a short summary with “So what I’m hearing you say is…”
3. ASK CLARIFYING QUESTIONS. Examples include:
   • What does that look like? 
   • What do you mean by ___?
   • How does that make you feel?
   • Tell me more.

And that’s it. The point is to go on the other person’s journey - not yours. 

Instructions for the person doing Active Listening:

• Maintain eye contact
• Be curious
• Seek to understand and get to clarity.

Things to avoid during active listening:

1. Why: “Why do you feel ashamed?”
2. Advice: “Have you thought about talking to your mom about that?” 
3. Sharing: “I felt the same way last week” 
4. Rescuing: “Don’t worry you’re a great guy”
5. Judging: “That sounds horrible”

How to practice active listening

1. Pair with another person
2. Listener asks Speaker a question, e.g. How do you love?
3. Speaker responds: shares whatever comes up
4. Listener uses a combination of silence, echo, and asking clarifying questions as best they can.
5. After some minutes, Listener summarizes what the Speaker has said in a few sentences. Speaker then clarifies by putting what they want in their own words. 
6. Repeat, this time with the roles reversed.