consoleation.sh

# Says something comforting
function comfort() {
    messages[0]="I hear you."
    messages[1]="I'm sorry. That's a bummer."
    messages[2]="That blows."
    messages[3]="Ouch. Okay, let's take a deep breath together."
    messages[4]="Damn. Sounds like you're having a rough day."
    messages[5]="Hey, we'll get through this together."
    messages[6]="Aw man."
    ind=$[$RANDOM % ${#messages[@]}]
    echo ${messages[$ind]}
}
alias fuck=comfort
alias fuuck=comfort
alias fuuuck=comfort
alias fuuuuck=comfort
alias fml=comfort
alias shit=comfort
alias goddammit=comfort
alias ugh=comfort