FUCK1.BAS
10 PRINT "2951 TRIED TO GET HYACINTH TO SNITCH"
20 PRINT "THEY REFUSED. 2951 GOT UPSET AND STORMED OFF"
30 PRINT "SOMEONE, MADE OF MAGMA, PERHAPS, APPEARED"
40 PRINT "THEY ASKED ABOUT DYLAN'S PASSWORD"
50 PRINT "MOST OF THEM ARE GENERATED BY A PASSWORD MANAGER APPARENTLY"
60 PRINT "THE PASSWORD TO SELF-DESTRUCT 2951 THOUGH IS 'KUNG POW PENIS'"
70 PRINT "MAYBE 'KUNGPOWPENIS'"
80 PRINT "HYACINTH DIDNT ELABORATE"
90 PRINT "BECAUSE OF THE NOTE"
100 DISPLAY https://file.garden/ZRodLj_G0TetIeB7/doomsdayletter.png
110 PRINT "HYACINTH SAID SOMETHING ABOUT SOMETHING MORE TERRIFYING THAN ANYTHING OF THIS REALM"
120 PRINT "THEN THE MAGMA PERSON DEMANIFESTED"
130 PRINT "THATS WHEN I CAME INTO 1'S OFFICE"
140 PRINT "AND PLAYED HOW FAR WE'VE COME ON A FIRST GEN IPOD AND IDOG"
150 PRINT "THIS IS WHEN THE ELEVATOR DISAPPEARED"
160 PRINT "ME AND 2951 GOT TRAPPED UP THERE."
170 PRINT "HYACINTH HAD A BIG DRAMATIC MOMENT ABOUT FURBIES"
180 PRINT "THEN ME AND 2951 FOUGHT"
190 PRINT "I PUSHED THEM OUT OF 1'S STUPID WINDOW"
200 PRINT "THEY DIED"
210 PRINT "GOOD RIDDANCE"
220 PRINT "THEN 1 GOT BACK"
230 PRINT "HE SAID SOMETHING ABOUT ESCAPING THE BREAK AND WALKING AWAY FROM A DECAYING REALM?"
240 PRINT "FUCK IF I KNOW WHAT HE MEANT"
250 PRINT "I SHOT AT DYLAN AND MISSED"
260 PRINT "THIS JACK FROST LOOKING GUY MANIFESTED"
270 PRINT "JACK FROST TRIED TO DEMANIFEST AND FAILED. L."
280 PRINT "APPARENTLY DYLAN CAN PHASE THROUGH ANY ATTACK. EVEN EXPLOSIVE ONES"
290 PRINT "HYACINTH SAID IT WAS VOID SHIT. GOOD LUCK MASTERING THAT SKILL"
300 PRINT "I ASKED HYACINTH SECRETLY IF THEY WANTED ME TO SHOOT THEM"
310 PRINT "THEY DECLINED. TIMELINE DUTIES APPARENTLY"
320 PRINT "JACK FROST TRIED TO SIT IN DYLAN'S CHAIR WHILE HE WAS PHASED OUT"
330 PRINT "I HELPED JACK DEMANIFEST BY MENTIONING THE JACK FROST/ELSA SHIPPERS ON TUMBLR"
340 PRINT "IT WAS TOO SHOCKING FOR THEM"
350 PRINT "SOME ASSHOLE WHO MISGENDERED HYACINTH ASKED DYLAN'S FAVORITE CHEESE"
360 PRINT "IT'S MUNSTER. EXTREMELY ACTIONABLE INFORMATION I KNOW. DONT LET HIM KNOW YOU KNOW THAT."
370 PRINT "APPARENTLY HE NOTICED THE 'MARKER STUFF' IN THE BATTING CAGES WASHROOM."
380 PRINT "NO IDEA"
390 PRINT "HYACINTH STATED THE OBVIOUS THAT FURBIES DONT CARE ABOUT TAX EVASION. SOMEONE TRIED TO BLAME THEM ON THAT. AGAIN, FUCK IF I KNOW"
400 PRINT "HYACINTH AND DYLAN TRADED BARBS. HE THREATENED TO PRESS THE BUTTON."
410 PRINT "HYACINTH SAID, AND I QUOTE"
420 PRINT "The moment you find freedom from this company, you're going to fall apart like a deep sea fish brought to surface."
430 PRINT "GOOD INSULT I THOUGHT"
440 PRINT "DYLAN SAID CRYPTICALLY"
450 PRINT "As if that'll ever happen..."
460 PRINT "HE WAS LOOKING OUT THE WINDOW AT THE TIME"
470 PRINT "SUCH A DRAMA KING"
480 PRINT "DYLAN SAID HE KNOWS HYACINTHS PSYCHE VERY WELL"
490 PRINT "WHILE HOLDING UP A PHOTO OF A YOUNG TEMPORIC?"
500 PRINT "THE PREVIOUS ASSISTANT APPARENTLY TOOK PART OF HIS SOUL"
510 PRINT "SERVES HIM RIGHT FOR THE WAY HE TREATED THEM"
520 PRINT "I ASKED HIS FAVORITE ARCHAIC VIDEO GAME."
530 PRINT "I WAS CURIOUS. STOP JUDGING."
540 PRINT "IT'S ECCO THE DOLPHIN BY THE WAY."
550 PRINT "The opening scene, initiated by experimental player action, reminds me much of my session entry sequence, and the sheer desolation of arriving to a familiar slice of home, rendered alien by its newfound emptiness..."
560 PRINT "THAT'S WHAT HE SAID. WHAT A WEIRDO"
570 PRINT "HE SAID HE'S NOT AN RPG GUY"
580 PRINT "AND THAT HE DOESNT LIKE TAG."
590 PRINT "HE DOESNT HAVE THE US NUCLEAR LAUNCH CODES AND QUESTIONED WHY HE WOULD WANT THEM. SOMEONE ASKED ABOUT ALL THREE OF THESE. HE DIDN'T JUST START SAYING THIS FOR NO REASON."
600 PRINT "ALSO HIS HAIR GOT BLONDER. SOMEONE ASKED WHY AND HE FLIPPED EM OFF. LOL"
610 PRINT "ANOTHER LETTER FROM THE QUEEN OF WINTER."
620 PRINT "APPARENTLY SHE HAS AMBITIONS OF BECOMING PART OF THE SHAREHOLDERS"
630 PRINT "CONCERNING"
640 PRINT "SOMEONE ASKED ABOUT PROJECT WARLOCK CAUSING DYLAN AND HYACINTH TO HAVE ANOTHER ARGUMENT"
650 PLAY PROJECTWARLOCK.RA
660 PRINT "IS THAT FUCKED UP OR WHAT"
53248 PRINT "THATS ALL FOR NOW"PROJECTWARLOCK.RA
JACK FROST (DEMANIFESTED): What is this project warlock, and would it be able to even help you in this situation?
DYLAN: Project Warlock is exactly what it sounds like. It is a program for promising flarper recruits to receive special training to eventually become what may amount to a stunt double for yours truly.
HYACINTH: Stunt double is one hell of a way of describing the personality replacement process.
DYLAN: Most will likely not reach heights of power required to unlock all feats. You do realize it takes a long time to reach level 20, correct?
HYACINTH: There's always a chance that one of your warlocks from the future will end up hitting that cap and essentially be replaced by you and get sent off to the warlock freezer, just in case you wind up needing a replacement.
DYLAN: Regardless, because it had yet to be finalized at the point of this timeline's departure from the alpha, it's potential is not possible to be drawn from here.