i do not apologize for this, nor do i. fully expect it to work to be frank, but i had to get it off my chest

wint.lua

-- https://twitter.com/dril/status/235218148800991233

local eventful=require('plugins.eventful')

eventful.enableEvent(eventful.eventType.INVENTORY_CHANGE,5)

local function unitIsLesbian(unit)
    if (unit and unit.status and unit.status.current_soul) then
        local soul=unit.status.current_soul
        local orientation=soul.personality.orientation_flags
        return soul.sex==0 and (orientation.romance_female or orientation.marry_female)
    end
    return false
end

local function getSubtype(item)
    if item:getSubtype() ~= -1 and dfhack.items.getSubtypeDef(item:getType(),item:getSubtype()) then
        return dfhack.items.getSubtypeDef(item:getType(),item:getSubtype()).id
    end
    return false
end

eventful.onInventoryChange.gentleTouch = function(unit, item, item_old, item_new)
    local modeOld = (item_old and item_old.mode)
    local modeNew = (item_new and item_new.mode)
    if item_new and item_new.mode==1 then
        if string.find(getSubtype(item),"LESBIAN") and not unitIsLesbian(unit) then
            dfhack.items.remove(item)
            dfhack.gui.showPopupAnnouncement(getSubtype(item).." is so fragile as to shatter when handled by any force other than the delicate touch of a lesbian .")
        end
    end
end