Everybody can be a little meta

The Artistic Conundrum

My poetry expires as soon as I type this
Its perfection we desire like a warm kiss
My chance to improve leaves others behind
My book of mistakes I wouldn't rewind

Each line I fabricate - a new horizon
Lettery shadows from the rising dry sun
Across the lake I spot an idea fresh
A choice in fate pursued like flesh

I rip and tear with pen and key
To unravel this thought just for thee
And each expression will fall flat
When compared to my future that 

Is filled with hanging sentences
And realizations of lack of rhyme
This shan't stop me from a good time
And I will leave with no repentances

I like this one quite a lot, but it does leave me with some questions. The opening stanza, and particularly the first line, are excellent. What is the purpose of the word "dry" with relation to the sun? I can't seem to glean a meaning from it in this context, particularly when followed by the image of the wet lake. It might read better with that word removed; leaving one less syllable can also create a greater sense of forward momentum. But maybe I'm just missing the meaning.

The meter of the second half of line 8 is slightly awkward. You might try rephrasing it. Particularly the "I spot an idea" part. The combination of those vowels and consonants is somewhat cumbersome. Perhaps something like "there grows an idea" or even just "I see an idea" would read better, with its continuation of the long e.

I like the phrase "choice in fate" for its seeming contradiction but implied self-determination against impending fate. That was essentially the entire theme of my Saga of Beowulf novel.

Line 12 seems to present something of a conundrum. The phrase "just for thee" is the first and only sense of this being intended for some other, in contrast to the self-direction just discussed. You speak of leaving others behind in line 3, and use the word "I" or "my" at least a half dozen times prior to this first outward directed focus. Since this is more of a meditation on the struggle to find and express personal internal meaning, "just for thee" seems conceptually inaccurate. Maybe something like "inside of me" would better maintain the reflective mood. Or perhaps you intend the juxtaposition. As it stands it does express the difficulty of getting ones own thoughts across to another.

I love how you leave line 14 hanging, unfinished, and then wrap it up with the very concept of hanging sentences. Brilliant! Then the mention of lack of rhyme with a shift from AABB to an ABBA rhyme scheme. And who would think to rhyme "sentences" with "repentances"? I think that must be a first. Awesome.

Thanks for the notes! I agree with a lot of the points you bring up.

My intention with line 7 was to create a sort of symbiosis between line 7, 6, and 2. (Dry) sun, I thought, paired well with (Hori) zon. At the same time, in line two I use the adjective "warm", and then in the respective spot on line 7 I replace that adjective with "dry".

I like that you picked out line 12 as an "odd one out" as it is meant to shift the story a bit. My word choice with "thee", instead of the more present tense options, was to signal that I am addressing my future-self as a reader. I will continue to redraft :)

And yes, I do still struggle with meter. A lot of my meter is decided in-the-moment, and then half-ignored, so I'll spend some time practicing my understanding of meter.