alice3.zml

 Alice's Adventures
 in Wonderland


 by Lewis Carroll


 Illustrated by John Tenniel


 the z.m.l. edition of 2005/09/20

 http://zenmagiclove.com/misc/dvsch/alice.zml

 http://z-m-l.com/go/alice/tiny_door.png






 Table of Contents


 Alice's Adventures in Wonderland
 Table of Contents
 Chapter I -- Down the Rabbit-Hole
 Chapter II -- The Pool of Tears
 Chapter III -- A Caucus-Race and a Long Tale
 Chapter IV -- The Rabbit Sends in a Little Bill
 Chapter V -- Advice from a Caterpillar
 Chapter VI -- Pig and Pepper
 Chapter VII -- A Mad Tea-Party
 Chapter VIII -- The Queen's Croquet-Ground
 Chapter IX -- The Mock Turtle's Story
 Chapter X -- The Lobster Quadrille
 Chapter XI -- Who Stole the Tarts?
 Chapter XII -- Alice's Evidence
 Notes
 meta-data
 gallery of illustrations






 Chapter I -- Down the Rabbit-Hole


Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister on the
bank, and of having nothing to do: once or twice she had peeped into the
book her sister was reading, but it had no pictures or conversations in
it, "and what is the use of a book," thought Alice "without pictures or
conversation?"

So she was considering in her own mind (as well as she could, for the hot
day made her feel very sleepy and stupid), whether the pleasure of making
a daisy-chain would be worth the trouble of getting up and picking the
daisies, when suddenly a White Rabbit with pink eyes ran close by her.

There was nothing so _very_ remarkable in that; nor did Alice think it so
_very_ much out of the way to hear the Rabbit say to itself, "Oh dear! Oh
dear! I shall be late!" (when she thought it over afterwards, it occurred
to her that she ought to have wondered at this, but at the time it all
seemed quite natural); but when the Rabbit actually _took_ _a_ _watch_ _out_ _of_
_its_ _waistcoat-pocket,_ and looked at it, and then hurried on, Alice
started to her feet, for it flashed across her mind that she had never
before seen a rabbit with either a waistcoat-pocket, or a watch to take
out of it, and burning with curiosity, she ran across the field after it,
and fortunately was just in time to see it pop down a large rabbit-hole
under the hedge.

 [White Rabbit checking watch.]
 http://z-m-l.com/go/alice/checking_watch.png

In another moment down went Alice after it, never once considering how in
the world she was to get out again.

The rabbit-hole went straight on like a tunnel for some way, and then
dipped suddenly down, so suddenly that Alice had not a moment to think
about stopping herself before she found herself falling down a very deep
well.

Either the well was very deep, or she fell very slowly, for she had plenty
of time as she went down to look about her and to wonder what was going to
happen next. First, she tried to look down and make out what she was
coming to, but it was too dark to see anything; then she looked at the
sides of the well, and noticed that they were filled with cupboards and
book-shelves; here and there she saw maps and pictures hung upon pegs.
She took down a jar from one of the shelves as she passed; it was labelled
_'ORANGE_ _MARMALADE',_ but to her great disappointment it was empty: she
did not like to drop the jar for fear of killing somebody, so managed to
put it into one of the cupboards as she fell past it.

"Well!" thought Alice to herself, "after such a fall as this, I shall
think nothing of tumbling down stairs! How brave they'll all think me at
home! Why, I wouldn't say anything about it, even if I fell off the top
of the house!" (Which was very likely true.)

Down, down, down. Would the fall _never_ come to an end! "I wonder how
many miles I've fallen by this time?" she said aloud. "I must be getting
somewhere near the centre of the earth. Let me see: that would be four
thousand miles down, I think--" (for, you see, Alice had learnt several
things of this sort in her lessons in the schoolroom, and though this was
not a _very_ good opportunity for showing off her knowledge, as there was
no one to listen to her, still it was good practice to say it over) "--yes,
that's about the right distance -- but then I wonder what Latitude or
Longitude I've got to?" (Alice had no idea what Latitude was, or Longitude
either, but thought they were nice grand words to say.)

Presently she began again. "I wonder if I shall fall right _through_ the
earth! How funny it'll seem to come out among the people that walk with
their heads downward! The Antipathies, I think--" (she was rather glad
there _was_ no one listening, this time, as it didn't sound at all the
right word) "--but I shall have to ask them what the name of the country
is, you know. Please, Ma'am, is this New Zealand or Australia?" (and she
tried to curtsey as she spoke -- fancy _curtseying_ as you're falling
through the air! Do you think you could manage it?) "And what an ignorant
little girl she'll think me for asking! No, it'll never do to ask: perhaps
I shall see it written up somewhere."

Down, down, down. There was nothing else to do, so Alice soon began
talking again. "Dinah'll miss me very much to-night, I should think!"
(Dinah was the cat.) "I hope they'll remember her saucer of milk at tea-
time. Dinah my dear! I wish you were down here with me! There are no mice
in the air, I'm afraid, but you might catch a bat, and that's very like a
mouse, you know. But do cats eat bats, I wonder?" And here Alice began to
get rather sleepy, and went on saying to herself, in a dreamy sort of way,
"Do cats eat bats? Do cats eat bats?" and sometimes, "Do bats eat cats?"
for, you see, as she couldn't answer either question, it didn't much
matter which way she put it. She felt that she was dozing off, and had
just begun to dream that she was walking hand in hand with Dinah, and
saying to her very earnestly, "Now, Dinah, tell me the truth: did you
ever eat a bat?" when suddenly, thump! thump! down she came upon a heap
of sticks and dry leaves, and the fall was over.

Alice was not a bit hurt, and she jumped up on to her feet in a moment:
she looked up, but it was all dark overhead; before her was another long
passage, and the White Rabbit was still in sight, hurrying down it. There
was not a moment to be lost: away went Alice like the wind, and was just
in time to hear it say, as it turned a corner, "Oh my ears and whiskers,
how late it's getting!" She was close behind it when she turned the
corner, but the Rabbit was no longer to be seen: she found herself in a
long, low hall, which was lit up by a row of lamps hanging from the roof.

There were doors all round the hall, but they were all locked; and when
Alice had been all the way down one side and up the other, trying every
door, she walked sadly down the middle, wondering how she was ever to get
out again.

Suddenly she came upon a little three-legged table, all made of solid
glass; there was nothing on it except a tiny golden key, and Alice's first
thought was that it might belong to one of the doors of the hall; but,
alas! either the locks were too large, or the key was too small, but at
any rate it would not open any of them. However, on the second time round,
she came upon a low curtain she had not noticed before, and behind it was
a little door about fifteen inches high: she tried the little golden key
in the lock, and to her great delight it fitted!

Alice opened the door and found that it led into a small passage, not much
larger than a rat-hole: she knelt down and looked along the passage into
the loveliest garden you ever saw. How she longed to get out of that dark
hall, and wander about among those beds of bright flowers and those cool
fountains, but she could not even get her head though the doorway; "and
even if my head would go through," thought poor Alice, "it would be of
very little use without my shoulders. Oh, how I wish I could shut up like
a telescope! I think I could, if I only know how to begin." For, you see,
so many out-of-the-way things had happened lately, that Alice had begun to
think that very few things indeed were really impossible.

 [Alice finding tiny door behind curtain.]
 http://z-m-l.com/go/alice/tiny_door.png

There seemed to be no use in waiting by the little door, so she went back
to the table, half hoping she might find another key on it, or at any rate
a book of rules for shutting people up like telescopes: this time she
found a little bottle on it, ("which certainly was not here before," said
Alice,) and round the neck of the bottle was a paper label, with the words
_'Drink_ _me'_ beautifully printed on it in large letters.

 [Alice taking "Drink me" bottle.]
 http://z-m-l.com/go/alice/alice_taking.png

It was all very well to say "Drink me," but the wise little Alice was not
going to do _that_ in a hurry. "No, I'll look first," she said, "and see
whether it's marked _'poison'_ or not"; for she had read several nice
little histories about children who had got burnt, and eaten up by wild
beasts and other unpleasant things, all because they _would_ not remember
the simple rules their friends had taught them: such as, that a red-hot
poker will burn you if you hold it too long; and that if you cut your
finger _very_ deeply with a knife, it usually bleeds; and she had never
forgotten that, if you drink much from a bottle marked "poison," it is
almost certain to disagree with you, sooner or later.

However, this bottle was _not_ marked "poison," so Alice ventured to taste
it, and finding it very nice, (it had, in fact, a sort of mixed flavour of
cherry-tart, custard, pine-apple, roast turkey, toffee, and hot buttered
toast,) she very soon finished it off.

  * * * * *

"What a curious feeling!" said Alice; "I must be shutting up like a
telescope."

And so it was indeed: she was now only ten inches high, and her face
brightened up at the thought that she was now the right size for going
through the little door into that lovely garden. First, however, she
waited for a few minutes to see if she was going to shrink any further:
she felt a little nervous about this; "for it might end, you know," said
Alice to herself, "in my going out altogether, like a candle. I wonder
what I should be like then?" And she tried to fancy what the flame of a
candle is like after the candle is blown out, for she could not remember
ever having seen such a thing.

After a while, finding that nothing more happened, she decided on going
into the garden at once; but, alas for poor Alice! when she got to the
door, she found she had forgotten the little golden key, and when she went
back to the table for it, she found she could not possibly reach it: she
could see it quite plainly through the glass, and she tried her best to
climb up one of the legs of the table, but it was too slippery; and when
she had tired herself out with trying, the poor little thing sat down and
cried.

"Come, there's no use in crying like that!" said Alice to herself, rather
sharply; "I advise you to leave off this minute!" She generally gave
herself very good advice, (though she very seldom followed it), and
sometimes she scolded herself so severely as to bring tears into her eyes;
and once she remembered trying to box her own ears for having cheated
herself in a game of croquet she was playing against herself, for this
curious child was very fond of pretending to be two people. "But it's no
use now," thought poor Alice, "to pretend to be two people! Why, there's
hardly enough of me left to make _one_ respectable person!"

Soon her eye fell on a little glass box that was lying under the table:
she opened it, and found in it a very small cake, on which the words "Eat
me" were beautifully marked in currants. "Well, I'll eat it," said Alice,
"and if it makes me grow larger, I can reach the key; and if it makes me
grow smaller, I can creep under the door; so either way I'll get into the
garden, and I don't care which happens!"

She ate a little bit, and said anxiously to herself, "Which way? Which
way?", holding her hand on the top of her head to feel which way it was
growing, and she was quite surprised to find that she remained the same
size: to be sure, this generally happens when one eats cake, but Alice
had got so much into the way of expecting nothing but out-of-the-way things
to happen, that it seemed quite dull and stupid for life to go on in the
common way.

So she set to work, and very soon finished off the cake.






 Chapter II -- The Pool of Tears


"Curiouser and curiouser!" cried Alice (she was so much surprised, that
for the moment she quite forgot how to speak good English); "now I'm
opening out like the largest telescope that ever was! Good-bye, feet!"
(for when she looked down at her feet, they seemed to be almost out of
sight, they were getting so far off). "Oh, my poor little feet, I wonder
who will put on your shoes and stockings for you now, dears? I'm sure _I_
shan't be able! I shall be a great deal too far off to trouble myself
about you: you must manage the best way you can; -- but I must be kind to
them," thought Alice, "or perhaps they won't walk the way I want to go!
Let me see: I'll give them a new pair of boots every Christmas."

And she went on planning to herself how she would manage it. "They must go
by the carrier," she thought; "and how funny it'll seem, sending presents
to one's own feet! And how odd the directions will look!


      Alice's Right Foot, Esq.
          Hearthrug,
              Near the Fender,
                  (With Alice's Love).


Oh dear, what nonsense I'm talking!"

 [Alice stretched tall.]
 http://z-m-l.com/go/alice/stretched_tall.png

Just then her head struck against the roof of the hall: in fact she was
now more than nine feet high, and she at once took up the little golden
key and hurried off to the garden door.

Poor Alice! It was as much as she could do, lying down on one side, to
look through into the garden with one eye; but to get through was more
hopeless than ever: she sat down and began to cry again.

"You ought to be ashamed of yourself," said Alice, "a great girl like
you," (she might well say this), "to go on crying in this way! Stop this
moment, I tell you!" But she went on all the same, shedding gallons of
tears, until there was a large pool all round her, about four inches deep
and reaching half down the hall.

After a time she heard a little pattering of feet in the distance, and she
hastily dried her eyes to see what was coming. It was the White Rabbit
returning, splendidly dressed, with a pair of white kid gloves in one hand
and a large fan in the other: he came trotting along in a great hurry,
muttering to himself as he came, "Oh! the Duchess, the Duchess! Oh! won't
she be savage if I've kept her waiting!" Alice felt so desperate that she
was ready to ask help of any one; so, when the Rabbit came near her, she
began, in a low, timid voice, "If you please, sir--" The Rabbit started
violently, dropped the white kid gloves and the fan, and skurried away
into the darkness as hard as he could go.

 [Giant Alice watching Rabbit run away.]
 http://z-m-l.com/go/alice/alice_watching.png

Alice took up the fan and gloves, and, as the hall was very hot, she kept
fanning herself all the time she went on talking: "Dear, dear! How queer
everything is to-day! And yesterday things went on just as usual. I wonder
if I've been changed in the night? Let me think: was I the same when I got
up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different.
But if I'm not the same, the next question is, Who in the world am I? Ah,
_that's_ the great puzzle!" And she began thinking over all the children
she knew that were of the same age as herself, to see if she could have
been changed for any of them.

"I'm sure I'm not Ada," she said, "for her hair goes in such long
ringlets, and mine doesn't go in ringlets at all; and I'm sure I can't be
Mabel, for I know all sorts of things, and she, oh! she knows such a very
little! Besides, _she's_ she, and I'm I, and -- oh dear, how puzzling it
all is! I'll try if I know all the things I used to know. Let me see: four
times five is twelve, and four times six is thirteen, and four times seven
is -- oh dear! I shall never get to twenty at that rate! However, the
Multiplication Table doesn't signify: let's try Geography. London is the
capital of Paris, and Paris is the capital of Rome, and Rome -- no,
_that's_ all wrong, I'm certain! I must have been changed for Mabel! I'll
try and say _'How_ _doth_ _the_ _little--'"_ and she crossed her hands on her
lap as if she were saying lessons, and began to repeat it, but her voice
sounded hoarse and strange, and the words did not come the same as they
used to do:--


            "How doth the little crocodile
                Improve his shining tail,
            And pour the waters of the Nile
                On every golden scale!"

            "How cheerfully he seems to grin,
                How neatly spread his claws,
            And welcome little fishes in
                With gently smiling jaws!"


"I'm sure those are not the right words," said poor Alice, and her eyes
filled with tears again as she went on, "I must be Mabel after all, and I
shall have to go and live in that poky little house, and have next to no
toys to play with, and oh! ever so many lessons to learn! No, I've made up
my mind about it; if I'm Mabel, I'll stay down here! It'll be no use their
putting their heads down and saying 'Come up again, dear!' I shall only
look up and say 'Who am I then? Tell me that first, and then, if I like
being that person, I'll come up: if not, I'll stay down here till I'm
somebody else' -- but, oh dear!" cried Alice, with a sudden burst of
tears, "I do wish they _would_ put their heads down! I am so _very_ tired
of being all alone here!"

As she said this she looked down at her hands, and was surprised to see
that she had put on one of the Rabbit's little white kid gloves while she
was talking. "How _can_ I have done that?" she thought. "I must be growing
small again." She got up and went to the table to measure herself by it,
and found that, as nearly as she could guess, she was now about two feet
high, and was going on shrinking rapidly: she soon found out that the
cause of this was the fan she was holding, and she dropped it hastily,
just in time to avoid shrinking away altogether.

"That _was_ a narrow escape!" said Alice, a good deal frightened at the
sudden change, but very glad to find herself still in existence; "and now
for the garden!" and she ran with all speed back to the little door: but,
alas! the little door was shut again, and the little golden key was lying
on the glass table as before, "and things are worse than ever," thought
the poor child, "for I never was so small as this before, never! And I
declare it's too bad, that it is!"

As she said these words her foot slipped, and in another moment, splash!
she was up to her chin in salt water. Her first idea was that she had
somehow fallen into the sea, "and in that case I can go back by railway,"
she said to herself. (Alice had been to the seaside once in her life, and
had come to the general conclusion, that wherever you go to on the English
coast you find a number of bathing machines in the sea, some children
digging in the sand with wooden spades, then a row of lodging houses, and
behind them a railway station.) However, she soon made out that she was in
the pool of tears which she had wept when she was nine feet high.

 [Alice swimming in the pool of tears.]
 http://z-m-l.com/go/alice/alice_swimming.png

"I wish I hadn't cried so much!" said Alice, as she swam about, trying
to find her way out. "I shall be punished for it now, I suppose, by being
drowned in my own tears! That _will_ be a queer thing, to be sure!
However, everything is queer to-day."

Just then she heard something splashing about in the pool a little way
off, and she swam nearer to make out what it was: at first she thought it
must be a walrus or hippopotamus, but then she remembered how small she
was now, and she soon made out that it was only a mouse that had slipped
in like herself.

"Would it be of any use, now," thought Alice, "to speak to this mouse?
Everything is so out-of-the-way down here, that I should think very likely
it can talk: at any rate, there's no harm in trying." So she began: "O
Mouse, do you know the way out of this pool? I am very tired of swimming
about here, O Mouse!" (Alice thought this must be the right way of
speaking to a mouse: she had never done such a thing before, but she
remembered having seen in her brother's Latin Grammar, "A mouse -- of a
mouse -- to a mouse -- a mouse -- O mouse!") The Mouse looked at her
rather inquisitively, and seemed to her to wink with one of its little
eyes, but it said nothing.

"Perhaps it doesn't understand English," thought Alice; "I daresay it's
a French mouse, come over with William the Conqueror." (For, with all her
knowledge of history, Alice had no very clear notion how long ago anything
had happened.) So she began again: "Ou est ma chatte?" which was the first
sentence in her French lesson-book. The Mouse gave a sudden leap out of
the water, and seemed to quiver all over with fright. "Oh, I beg your
pardon!" cried Alice hastily, afraid that she had hurt the poor animal's
feelings. "I quite forgot you didn't like cats."

"Not like cats!" cried the Mouse, in a shrill, passionate voice. "Would
_you_ like cats if you were me?"

"Well, perhaps not," said Alice in a soothing tone: "don't be angry about
it. And yet I wish I could show you our cat Dinah: I think you'd take a
fancy to cats if you could only see her. She is such a dear quiet thing,"
Alice went on, half to herself, as she swam lazily about in the pool, "and
she sits purring so nicely by the fire, licking her paws and washing her
face -- and she is such a nice soft thing to nurse -- and she's such a
capital one for catching mice -- oh, I beg your pardon!" cried Alice
again, for this time the Mouse was bristling all over, and she felt
certain it must be really offended. "We won't talk about her any more if
you'd rather not."

"We indeed!" cried the Mouse, who was trembling down to the end of his
tail. "As if I would talk on such a subject! Our family always _hated_
cats: nasty, low, vulgar things! Don't let me hear the name again!"

"I won't indeed!" said Alice, in a great hurry to change the subject of
conversation. "Are you -- are you fond -- of -- of dogs?" The Mouse did
not answer, so Alice went on eagerly: "There is such a nice little dog
near our house I should like to show you! A little bright-eyed terrier,
you know, with oh, such long curly brown hair! And it'll fetch things when
you throw them, and it'll sit up and beg for its dinner, and all sorts of
things -- I can't remember half of them -- and it belongs to a farmer, you
know, and he says it's so useful, it's worth a hundred pounds! He says it
kills all the rats and -- oh dear!" cried Alice in a sorrowful tone, "I'm
afraid I've offended it again!" For the Mouse was swimming away from her
as hard as it could go, and making quite a commotion in the pool as it
went.

 [Alice and the Mouse swimming in the pool of tears.]
 http://z-m-l.com/go/alice/mouse_swimming.png

So she called softly after it, "Mouse dear! Do come back again, and we
won't talk about cats or dogs either, if you don't like them!" When the
Mouse heard this, it turned round and swam slowly back to her: its face
was quite pale (with passion, Alice thought), and it said in a low
trembling voice, "Let us get to the shore, and then I'll tell you my
history, and you'll understand why it is I hate cats and dogs."

It was high time to go, for the pool was getting quite crowded with the
birds and animals that had fallen into it: there were a Duck and a Dodo,
a Lory and an Eaglet, and several other curious creatures. Alice led the
way, and the whole party swam to the shore.






 Chapter III -- A Caucus-Race and a Long Tale


They were indeed a queer-looking party that assembled on the bank -- the
birds with draggled feathers, the animals with their fur clinging close to
them, and all dripping wet, cross, and uncomfortable.

The first question of course was, how to get dry again: they had a
consultation about this, and after a few minutes it seemed quite natural
to Alice to find herself talking familiarly with them, as if she had known
them all her life. Indeed, she had quite a long argument with the Lory,
who at last turned sulky, and would only say, "I am older than you, and
must know better"; and this Alice would not allow without knowing how old
it was, and, as the Lory positively refused to tell its age, there was no
more to be said.

At last the Mouse, who seemed to be a person of authority among them,
called out, "Sit down, all of you, and listen to me! _I'll_ soon make you
dry enough!" They all sat down at once, in a ring, with the Mouse in
the middle. Alice kept her eyes anxiously fixed on it, for she felt sure
she would catch a bad cold if she did not get dry soon.

"Ahem!" said the Mouse with an important air, "are you all ready? This is
the driest thing I know. Silence all round, if you please! 'William the
Conqueror, whose cause was favoured by the pope, was soon submitted to by
the English, who wanted leaders, and had been of late much accustomed to
usurpation and conquest. Edwin and Morcar, the earls of Mercia and
Northumbria--'"

"Ugh!" said the Lory, with a shiver.

"I beg your pardon!" said the Mouse, frowning, but very politely: "Did you
speak?"

"Not I!" said the Lory hastily.

"I thought you did," said the Mouse. "--I proceed. 'Edwin and Morcar,
the earls of Mercia and Northumbria, declared for him: and even Stigand,
the patriotic archbishop of Canterbury, found it advisable--'"

"Found _what?"_ said the Duck.

"Found _it,"_ the Mouse replied rather crossly: "of course you know what
'it' means."

"I know what 'it' means well enough, when I find a thing," said the
Duck: "it's generally a frog or a worm. The question is, what did the
archbishop find?"

The Mouse did not notice this question, but hurriedly went on, "'--found
it advisable to go with Edgar Atheling to meet William and offer him the
crown. William's conduct at first was moderate. But the insolence of his
Normans--' How are you getting on now, my dear?" it continued, turning
to Alice as it spoke.

"As wet as ever," said Alice in a melancholy tone: "it doesn't seem to dry
me at all."

"In that case," said the Dodo solemnly, rising to its feet, "I move that
the meeting adjourn, for the immediate adoption of more energetic
remedies--"

"Speak English!" said the Eaglet. "I don't know the meaning of half those
long words, and, what's more, I don't believe you do either!" And the
Eaglet bent down its head to hide a smile: some of the other birds
tittered audibly.

"What I was going to say," said the Dodo in an offended tone, "was, that
the best thing to get us dry would be a Caucus-race."

"What _is_ a Caucus-race?" said Alice; not that she wanted much to know,
but the Dodo had paused as if it thought that _somebody_ ought to speak,
and no one else seemed inclined to say anything.

"Why," said the Dodo, "the best way to explain it is to do it." (And, as
you might like to try the thing yourself, some winter day, I will tell you
how the Dodo managed it.)

First it marked out a race-course, in a sort of circle, ("the exact shape
doesn't matter," it said,) and then all the party were placed along the
course, here and there. There was no "One, two, three, and away," but they
began running when they liked, and left off when they liked, so that it
was not easy to know when the race was over. However, when they had been
running half an hour or so, and were quite dry again, the Dodo suddenly
called out "The race is over!" and they all crowded round it, panting, and
asking, "But who has won?"

This question the Dodo could not answer without a great deal of thought,
and it sat for a long time with one finger pressed upon its forehead (the
position in which you usually see Shakespeare, in the pictures of him),
while the rest waited in silence. At last the Dodo said, _"Everybody_ has
won, and all must have prizes."

"But who is to give the prizes?" quite a chorus of voices asked.

"Why, _she,_ of course," said the Dodo, pointing to Alice with one finger;
and the whole party at once crowded round her, calling out in a confused
way, "Prizes! Prizes!"

Alice had no idea what to do, and in despair she put her hand in her
pocket, and pulled out a box of comfits, (luckily the salt water had not
got into it), and handed them round as prizes. There was exactly one
a-piece all round.

"But she must have a prize herself, you know," said the Mouse.

"Of course," the Dodo replied very gravely. "What else have you got in
your pocket?" he went on, turning to Alice.

"Only a thimble," said Alice sadly.

"Hand it over here," said the Dodo.

Then they all crowded round her once more, while the Dodo solemnly
presented the thimble, saying "We beg your acceptance of this elegant
thimble"; and, when it had finished this short speech, they all cheered.

Alice thought the whole thing very absurd, but they all looked so grave
that she did not dare to laugh; and, as she could not think of anything to
say, she simply bowed, and took the thimble, looking as solemn as she
could.

 [Dodo presenting thimble to Alice.]
 http://z-m-l.com/go/alice/dodo_presenting.png

The next thing was to eat the comfits: this caused some noise and
confusion, as the large birds complained that they could not taste theirs,
and the small ones choked and had to be patted on the back. However, it
was over at last, and they sat down again in a ring, and begged the Mouse
to tell them something more.

"You promised to tell me your history, you know," said Alice, "and why it
is you hate -- C and D," she added in a whisper, half afraid that it would
be offended again.

"Mine is a long and a sad tale!" said the Mouse, turning to Alice, and
sighing.

"It _is_ a long tail, certainly," said Alice, looking down with wonder at
the Mouse's tail; "but why do you call it sad?"

And she kept on puzzling
about it while the Mouse was speaking, so that her idea of the tale was
something like this:--


                "Fury said to a
              mouse, That he
            met in the
          house,
         'Let us
          both go to
            law: _I_ will
              prosecute
                _you._ -- Come,
                  I'll take no
                    denial; We
                  must have a
                trial: For
              really this
            morning I've
          nothing
          to do.'"

          Said the
            mouse to the
              cur, "Such
                a trial,
                  dear Sir,
                    With
                  no jury
                or judge,
              would be
            wasting
            our
            breath."
             "I'll be
              judge, I'll
              be jury,"
                Said
                cunning
                  old Fury:
                   "I'll
                  try the
                    whole
                    cause,
                      and
                    condemn
                  you
                  to
                  death."
                  


"You are not attending!" said the Mouse to Alice severely. "What are you
thinking of?"

"I beg your pardon," said Alice very humbly: "you had got to the fifth
bend, I think?"

"I had _not!"_ cried the Mouse, sharply and very angrily.

"A knot!" said Alice, always ready to make herself useful, and looking
anxiously about her. "Oh, do let me help to undo it!"

"I shall do nothing of the sort," said the Mouse, getting up and walking
away. "You insult me by talking such nonsense!"

"I didn't mean it!" pleaded poor Alice. "But you're so easily offended,
you know!"

The Mouse only growled in reply.

 [Mouse telling story to birds and Alice.]
 http://z-m-l.com/go/alice/mouse_telling.png

"Please come back and finish your story!" Alice called after it; and the
others all joined in chorus, "Yes, please do!" but the Mouse only shook
its head impatiently, and walked a little quicker.

"What a pity it wouldn't stay!" sighed the Lory, as soon as it was quite
out of sight; and an old Crab took the opportunity of saying to her
daughter "Ah, my dear! Let this be a lesson to you never to lose _your_
temper!"

"Hold your tongue, Ma!" said the young Crab, a little snappishly.
"You're enough to try the patience of an oyster!"

"I wish I had our Dinah here, I know I do!" said Alice aloud, addressing
nobody in particular. "She'd soon fetch it back!"

"And who is Dinah, if I might venture to ask the question?" said the Lory.

Alice replied eagerly, for she was always ready to talk about her pet:
"Dinah's our cat. And she's such a capital one for catching mice you can't
think! And oh, I wish you could see her after the birds! Why, she'll eat a
little bird as soon as look at it!"

This speech caused a remarkable sensation among the party. Some of the
birds hurried off at once: one old Magpie began wrapping itself up very
carefully, remarking, "I really must be getting home; the night-air
doesn't suit my throat!" and a Canary called out in a trembling voice to
its children, "Come away, my dears! It's high time you were all in bed!"
On various pretexts they all moved off, and Alice was soon left alone.

"I wish I hadn't mentioned Dinah!" she said to herself in a melancholy
tone. "Nobody seems to like her, down here, and I'm sure she's the best
cat in the world! Oh, my dear Dinah! I wonder if I shall ever see you any
more!" And here poor Alice began to cry again, for she felt very lonely
and low-spirited. In a little while, however, she again heard a little
pattering of footsteps in the distance, and she looked up eagerly, half
hoping that the Mouse had changed his mind, and was coming back to finish
his story.






 Chapter IV -- The Rabbit Sends in a Little Bill


It was the White Rabbit, trotting slowly back again, and looking anxiously
about as it went, as if it had lost something; and she heard it muttering
to itself "The Duchess! The Duchess! Oh my dear paws! Oh my fur and
whiskers! She'll get me executed, as sure as ferrets are ferrets! Where
_can_ I have dropped them, I wonder?" Alice guessed in a moment that it
was looking for the fan and the pair of white kid gloves, and she very
good-naturedly began hunting about for them, but they were nowhere to be
seen -- everything seemed to have changed since her swim in the pool, and
the great hall, with the glass table and the little door, had vanished
completely.

Very soon the Rabbit noticed Alice, as she went hunting about, and called
out to her in an angry tone, "Why, Mary Ann, what _are_ you doing out
here? Run home this moment, and fetch me a pair of gloves and a fan!
Quick, now!" And Alice was so much frightened that she ran off at once in
the direction it pointed to, without trying to explain the mistake it had
made.

"He took me for his housemaid," she said to herself as she ran. "How
surprised he'll be when he finds out who I am! But I'd better take him his
fan and gloves -- that is, if I can find them." As she said this, she came
upon a neat little house, on the door of which was a bright brass plate
with the name "W. Rabbit" engraved upon it. She went in without knocking,
and hurried upstairs, in great fear lest she should meet the real Mary
Ann, and be turned out of the house before she had found the fan and
gloves.

"How queer it seems," Alice said to herself, "to be going messages for a
rabbit! I suppose Dinah'll be sending me on messages next!" And she began
fancying the sort of thing that would happen: "'Miss Alice! Come here
directly, and get ready for your walk!' 'Coming in a minute, nurse! But
I've got to see that the mouse doesn't get out.' Only I don't think,"
Alice went on, "that they'd let Dinah stop in the house if it began
ordering people about like that!"

By this time she had found her way into a tidy little room with a table in
the window, and on it (as she had hoped) a fan and two or three pairs of
tiny white kid gloves: she took up the fan and a pair of the gloves, and
was just going to leave the room, when her eye fell upon a little bottle
that stood near the looking-glass. There was no label this time with the
words 'Drink me,' but nevertheless she uncorked it and put it to her lips.
"I know _something_ interesting is sure to happen," she said to herself,
"whenever I eat or drink anything; so I'll just see what this bottle does.
I do hope it'll make me grow large again, for I'm quite tired of
being such a tiny little thing!"

It did so indeed, and much sooner than she had expected: before she had
drunk half the bottle, she found her head pressing against the ceiling,
and had to stoop to save her neck from being broken. She hastily put down
the bottle, saying to herself "That's quite enough -- I hope I shan't grow
any more -- As it is, I can't get out at the door -- I do wish I hadn't
drunk quite so much!"

Alas! it was too late to wish that! She went on growing, and growing, and
very soon had to kneel down on the floor: in another minute there was not
even room for this, and she tried the effect of lying down with one elbow
against the door, and the other arm curled round her head. Still she went
on growing, and, as a last resource, she put one arm out of the window,
and one foot up the chimney, and said to herself "Now I can do no more,
whatever happens. What _will_ become of me?"

Luckily for Alice, the little magic bottle had now had its full effect,
and she grew no larger: still it was very uncomfortable, and, as there
seemed to be no sort of chance of her ever getting out of the room again,
no wonder she felt unhappy.

"It was much pleasanter at home," thought poor Alice, "when one wasn't
always growing larger and smaller, and being ordered about by mice and
rabbits. I almost wish I hadn't gone down that rabbit-hole -- and yet --
and yet -- it's rather curious, you know, this sort of life! I do wonder
what _can_ have happened to me! When I used to read fairy-tales, I fancied
that kind of thing never happened, and now here I am in the middle of one!
There ought to be a book written about me, that there ought! And when I
grow up, I'll write one -- but I'm grown up now," she added in a sorrowful
tone; "at least there's no room to grow up any more _here."_ 

 [Alice cramped in Rabbit's house.]
 http://z-m-l.com/go/alice/alice_cramped.png

"But then," thought Alice, "shall I _never_ get any older than I am now?
That'll be a comfort, one way -- never to be an old woman -- but then --
always to have lessons to learn! Oh, I shouldn't like _that!"_ 

"Oh, you foolish Alice!" she answered herself. "How can you learn lessons
in here? Why, there's hardly room for _you,_ and no room at all for any
lesson-books!"

And so she went on, taking first one side and then the other, and making
quite a conversation of it altogether; but after a few minutes she heard
a voice outside, and stopped to listen.

"Mary Ann! Mary Ann!" said the voice. "Fetch me my gloves this moment!"
Then came a little pattering of feet on the stairs. Alice knew it was the
Rabbit coming to look for her, and she trembled till she shook the house,
quite forgetting that she was now a thousand times as large as the
Rabbit, and had no reason to be afraid of it.

Presently the Rabbit came up to the door, and tried to open it; but, as
the door opened inwards, and Alice's elbow was pressed hard against it,
that attempt proved a failure. Alice heard it say to itself "Then I'll go
round and get in at the window."

_"That_ you won't" thought Alice, and, after waiting till she fancied she
heard the Rabbit just under the window, she suddenly spread out her hand,
and made a snatch in the air. She did not get hold of anything, but she
heard a little shriek and a fall, and a crash of broken glass, from which
she concluded that it was just possible it had fallen into a cucumber-frame,
or something of the sort.

 [Alice's hand grabbing at Rabbit.]
 http://z-m-l.com/go/alice/hand_grabbing.png

Next came an angry voice -- the Rabbit's -- "Pat! Pat! Where are you?" And
then a voice she had never heard before, "Sure then I'm here! Digging for
apples, yer honour!"

"Digging for apples, indeed!" said the Rabbit angrily. "Here! Come and
help me out of _this!"_ (Sounds of more broken glass.)

"Now tell me, Pat, what's that in the window?"

"Sure, it's an arm, yer honour!" (He pronounced it "arrum.")

"An arm, you goose! Who ever saw one that size? Why, it fills the whole
window!"

"Sure, it does, yer honour: but it's an arm for all that."

"Well, it's got no business there, at any rate: go and take it away!"

There was a long silence after this, and Alice could only hear whispers
now and then; such as, "Sure, I don't like it, yer honour, at all, at
all!" and "Do as I tell you, you coward!" and at last she spread out her hand
again, and made another snatch in the air. This time there were _two_
little shrieks, and more sounds of broken glass. "What a number of
cucumber-frames there must be!" thought Alice. "I wonder what they'll do
next! As for pulling me out of the window, I only wish they _could!_ I'm
sure I don't want to stay in here any longer!"

She waited for some time without hearing anything more: at last came a
rumbling of little cartwheels, and the sound of a good many voices all
talking together: she made out the words: "Where's the other ladder? --
Why, I hadn't to bring but one; Bill's got the other -- Bill! fetch it
here, lad! -- Here, put 'em up at this corner -- No, tie 'em together
first -- they don't reach half high enough yet -- Oh! they'll do well
enough; don't be particular -- Here, Bill! catch hold of this rope -- Will
the roof bear? -- Mind that loose slate -- Oh, it's coming down! Heads
below!" (a loud crash) -- "Now, who did that? -- It was Bill, I fancy --
Who's to go down the chimney? -- Nay, I shan't! _You_ do it! -- That I
won't, then! -- Bill's to go down -- Here, Bill! the master says you're to
go down the chimney!"

"Oh! So Bill's got to come down the chimney, has he?" said Alice to
herself. "Say, they seem to put everything upon Bill! I wouldn't be in
Bill's place for a good deal: this fireplace is narrow, to be sure; but I
_think_ I can kick a little!"

She drew her foot as far down the chimney as she could, and waited till
she heard a little animal (she couldn't guess of what sort it was)
scratching and scrambling about in the chimney close above her: then,
saying to herself "This is Bill," she gave one sharp kick, and waited to
see what would happen next.

The first thing she heard was a general chorus of "There goes Bill!" then
the Rabbit's voice along -- "Catch him, you by the hedge!" then silence,
and then another confusion of voices -- "Hold up his head -- Brandy now --
Don't choke him -- How was it, old fellow? What happened to you? Tell us
all about it!"

Last came a little feeble, squeaking voice, ("That's Bill," thought
Alice,) "Well, I hardly know -- No more, thank ye; I'm better now -- but
I'm a deal too flustered to tell you -- all I know is, something comes at
me like a Jack-in-the-box, and up I goes like a sky-rocket!"

"So you did, old fellow!" said the others.

"We must burn the house down!" said the Rabbit's voice; and Alice called
out as loud as she could, "If you do. I'll set Dinah at you!"

There was a dead silence instantly, and Alice thought to herself, "I
wonder what they _will_ do next! If they had any sense, they'd take the
roof off." After a minute or two, they began moving about again, and Alice
heard the Rabbit say, "A barrowful will do, to begin with."

"A barrowful of _what?"_ thought Alice; but she had not long to doubt, for
the next moment a shower of little pebbles came rattling in at the window,
and some of them hit her in the face. "I'll put a stop to this," she said
to herself, and shouted out, "You'd better not do that again!" which
produced another dead silence.

 [Bill flying out of the chimney.]
 http://z-m-l.com/go/alice/bill_flying.png

Alice noticed with some surprise that the pebbles were all turning into
little cakes as they lay on the floor, and a bright idea came into her
head. "If I eat one of these cakes," she thought, "it's sure to make
_some_ change in my size; and as it can't possibly make me larger, it must
make me smaller, I suppose."

So she swallowed one of the cakes, and was delighted to find that she
began shrinking directly. As soon as she was small enough to get through
the door, she ran out of the house, and found quite a crowd of little
animals and birds waiting outside. The poor little Lizard, Bill, was in
the middle, being held up by two guinea-pigs, who were giving it something
out of a bottle. They all made a rush at Alice the moment she appeared;
but she ran off as hard as she could, and soon found herself safe in a
thick wood.

"The first thing I've got to do," said Alice to herself, as she wandered
about in the wood, "is to grow to my right size again; and the second
thing is to find my way into that lovely garden. I think that will be the
best plan."

It sounded an excellent plan, no doubt, and very neatly and simply
arranged; the only difficulty was, that she had not the smallest idea how
to set about it; and while she was peering about anxiously among the
trees, a little sharp bark just over her head made her look up in a great
hurry.

 [Dog looking at tiny Alice.]
 http://z-m-l.com/go/alice/dog_looking.png

An enormous puppy was looking down at her with large round eyes, and
feebly stretching out one paw, trying to touch her. "Poor little thing!"
said Alice, in a coaxing tone, and she tried hard to whistle to it; but
she was terribly frightened all the time at the thought that it might be
hungry, in which case it would be very likely to eat her up in spite of
all her coaxing.

Hardly knowing what she did, she picked up a little bit of stick, and held
it out to the puppy; whereupon the puppy jumped into the air off all its
feet at once, with a yelp of delight, and rushed at the stick, and made
believe to worry it; then Alice dodged behind a great thistle, to keep
herself from being run over; and the moment she appeared on the other
side, the puppy made another rush at the stick, and tumbled head over
heels in its hurry to get hold of it; then Alice, thinking it was very
like having a game of play with a cart-horse, and expecting every moment
to be trampled under its feet, ran round the thistle again; then the puppy
began a series of short charges at the stick, running a very little way
forwards each time and a long way back, and barking hoarsely all the
while, till at last it sat down a good way off, panting, with its tongue
hanging out of its mouth, and its great eyes half shut.

This seemed to Alice a good opportunity for making her escape; so she set
off at once, and ran till she was quite tired and out of breath, and till
the puppy's bark sounded quite faint in the distance.

"And yet what a dear little puppy it was!" said Alice, as she leant
against a buttercup to rest herself, and fanned herself with one of the
leaves: "I should have liked teaching it tricks very much, if -- if I'd
only been the right size to do it! Oh dear! I'd nearly forgotten that I've
got to grow up again! Let me see -- how _is_ it to be managed? I suppose I
ought to eat or drink something or other; but the great question is,
what?"

The great question certainly was, what? Alice looked all round her at the
flowers and the blades of grass, but she did not see anything that looked
like the right thing to eat or drink under the circumstances. There was a
large mushroom growing near her, about the same height as herself; and
when she had looked under it, and on both sides of it, and behind it, it
occurred to her that she might as well look and see what was on the top of
it.

She stretched herself up on tiptoe, and peeped over the edge of the
mushroom, and her eyes immediately met those of a large caterpillar,
sitting on the top with its arms folded, quietly smoking a long
hookah, and taking not the smallest notice of her or of anything else.






 Chapter V -- Advice from a Caterpillar


The Caterpillar and Alice looked at each other for some time in silence:
at last the Caterpillar took the hookah out of its mouth, and addressed
her in a languid, sleepy voice.

"Who are _you?"_ said the Caterpillar.

This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation. Alice replied,
rather shyly, "I -- I hardly know, sir, just at present -- at least I know
who I _was_ when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been
changed several times since then."

"What do you mean by that?" said the Caterpillar sternly. "Explain
yourself!"

"I can't explain _myself,_ I'm afraid, sir" said Alice, "because I'm not
myself, you see."

"I don't see," said the Caterpillar.

"I'm afraid I can't put it more clearly," Alice replied very politely,
"for I can't understand it myself to begin with; and being so many
different sizes in a day is very confusing."

"It isn't," said the Caterpillar.

"Well, perhaps you haven't found it so yet," said Alice; "but when you
have to turn into a chrysalis -- you will some day, you know -- and then
after that into a butterfly, I should think you'll feel it a little queer,
won't you?"

"Not a bit," said the Caterpillar.

"Well, perhaps your feelings may be different," said Alice; "all I know
is, it would feel very queer to _me."_ 

"You!" said the Caterpillar contemptuously. "Who are _you?"_ 

 [Alice meets the Caterpillar.]
 http://z-m-l.com/go/alice/alice_meets.png

Which brought them back again to the beginning of the conversation. Alice
felt a little irritated at the Caterpillar's making such _very_ short
remarks, and she drew herself up and said, very gravely, "I think, you
ought to tell me who _you_ are, first."

"Why?" said the Caterpillar.

Here was another puzzling question; and as Alice could not think of any
good reason, and as the Caterpillar seemed to be in a _very_ unpleasant
state of mind, she turned away.

"Come back!" the Caterpillar called after her. "I've something important
to say!"

This sounded promising, certainly: Alice turned and came back again.

"Keep your temper," said the Caterpillar.

"Is that all?" said Alice, swallowing down her anger as well as she could.

"No," said the Caterpillar.

Alice thought she might as well wait, as she had nothing else to do, and
perhaps after all it might tell her something worth hearing. For some
minutes it puffed away without speaking, but at last it unfolded its arms,
took the hookah out of its mouth again, and said, "So you think you're
changed, do you?"

"I'm afraid I am, sir," said Alice; "I can't remember things as I used --
and I don't keep the same size for ten minutes together!"

"Can't remember _what_ things?" said the Caterpillar.

"Well, I've tried to say _'How_ _Doth_ _the_ _Little_ _Busy_ _Bee,'_ but it all
came different!" Alice replied in a very melancholy voice.

"Repeat, _'You_ _are_ _Old,_ _Father_ _William,'"_ said the Caterpillar.

Alice folded her hands, and began:--


      "You are old, Father William," the young man said,
          "And your hair has become very white;
      And yet you incessantly stand on your head --
          Do you think, at your age, it is right?"

      "In my youth," Father William replied to his son,
          "I feared it might injure the brain;
      But, now that I'm perfectly sure I have none,
          Why, I do it again and again."

 .

 [Father William standing on head.]
 http://z-m-l.com/go/alice/william_standing.png

 -*-

 -*-


      "You are old," said the youth, "as I mentioned before,
          And have grown most uncommonly fat;
      Yet you turned a back-somersault in at the door --
          Pray, what is the reason of that?"

      "In my youth," said the sage, as he shook his grey locks,
          "I kept all my limbs very supple
      By the use of this ointment -- one shilling the box --
          Allow me to sell you a couple?"

 .

 [Father William somersaulting in the door.]
 http://z-m-l.com/go/alice/william_somersaulting.png

 -*-

 -*-

      "You are old," said the youth, "and your jaws are too weak
          For anything tougher than suet;
      Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak --
          Pray how did you manage to do it?"

      "In my youth," said his father, "I took to the law,
          And argued each case with my wife;
      And the muscular strength, which it gave to my jaw,
          Has lasted the rest of my life."

 .

 [Father William having eaten the goose.]
 http://z-m-l.com/go/alice/william_having.png

 -*-

 -*-

      "You are old," said the youth, "one would hardly suppose
          That your eye was as steady as ever;
      Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose --
          What made you so awfully clever?"

      "I have answered three questions, and that is enough,"
          Said his father; "don't give yourself airs!
      Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?
          Be off, or I'll kick you down stairs!"

 .

 [Father William balancing eel on nose.]
 http://z-m-l.com/go/alice/william_balancing.png

 -*-

 -*-

 -*-

 -*-

"That is not said right," said the Caterpillar.

"Not _quite_ right, I'm afraid," said Alice, timidly; "some of the words
have got altered."

"It is wrong from beginning to end," said the Caterpillar decidedly, and
there was silence for some minutes.

The Caterpillar was the first to speak.

"What size do you want to be?" it asked.

"Oh, I'm not particular as to size," Alice hastily replied; "only one
doesn't like changing so often, you know."

"I _don't_ know," said the Caterpillar.

Alice said nothing: she had never been so much contradicted in her life
before, and she felt that she was losing her temper.

"Are you content now?" said the Caterpillar.

"Well, I should like to be a _little_ larger, sir, if you wouldn't mind,"
said Alice: "three inches is such a wretched height to be."

"It is a very good height indeed!" said the Caterpillar angrily, rearing
itself upright as it spoke (it was exactly three inches high).

"But I'm not used to it!" pleaded poor Alice in a piteous tone. And she
thought of herself, "I wish the creatures wouldn't be so easily offended!"

"You'll get used to it in time," said the Caterpillar; and it put the
hookah into its mouth and began smoking again.

This time Alice waited patiently until it chose to speak again. In a
minute or two the Caterpillar took the hookah out of its mouth and yawned
once or twice, and shook itself. Then it got down off the mushroom, and
crawled away in the grass, merely remarking as it went, "One side will
make you grow taller, and the other side will make you grow shorter."

"One side of _what?_ The other side of _what?"_ thought Alice to herself.

"Of the mushroom," said the Caterpillar, just as if she had asked it
aloud; and in another moment it was out of sight.

Alice remained looking thoughtfully at the mushroom for a minute, trying
to make out which were the two sides of it; and as it was perfectly round,
she found this a very difficult question. However, at last she stretched
her arms round it as far as they would go, and broke off a bit of the edge
with each hand.

"And now which is which?" she said to herself, and nibbled a little of the
right-hand bit to try the effect: the next moment she felt a violent blow
underneath her chin: it had struck her foot!

She was a good deal frightened by this very sudden change, but she felt
that there was no time to be lost, as she was shrinking rapidly; so she
set to work at once to eat some of the other bit. Her chin was pressed so
closely against her foot, that there was hardly room to open her mouth;
but she did it at last, and managed to swallow a morsel of the lefthand
bit.

  * * * * *

"Come, my head's free at last!" said Alice in a tone of delight, which
changed into alarm in another moment, when she found that her shoulders
were nowhere to be found: all she could see, when she looked down, was an
immense length of neck, which seemed to rise like a stalk out of a sea of
green leaves that lay far below her.

"What _can_ all that green stuff be?" said Alice. "And where _have_ my
shoulders got to? And oh, my poor hands, how is it I can't see you?" She
was moving them about as she spoke, but no result seemed to follow, except
a little shaking among the distant green leaves.

As there seemed to be no chance of getting her hands up to her head, she
tried to get her head down to them, and was delighted to find that her
neck would bend about easily in any direction, like a serpent. She had
just succeeded in curving it down into a graceful zigzag, and was going to
dive in among the leaves, which she found to be nothing but the tops of
the trees under which she had been wandering, when a sharp hiss made her
draw back in a hurry: a large pigeon had flown into her face, and was
beating her violently with its wings.

"Serpent!" screamed the Pigeon.

"I'm _not_ a serpent!" said Alice indignantly. "Let me alone!"

"Serpent, I say again!" repeated the Pigeon, but in a more subdued tone,
and added with a kind of sob, "I've tried every way, and nothing seems to
suit them!"

"I haven't the least idea what you're talking about," said Alice.

"I've tried the roots of trees, and I've tried banks, and I've tried
hedges," the Pigeon went on, without attending to her; "but those
serpents! There's no pleasing them!"

Alice was more and more puzzled, but she thought there was no use in
saying anything more till the Pigeon had finished.

"As if it wasn't trouble enough hatching the eggs," said the Pigeon; "but
I must be on the look-out for serpents night and day! Why, I haven't had
a wink of sleep these three weeks!"

"I'm very sorry you've been annoyed," said Alice, who was beginning to see
its meaning.

"And just as I'd taken the highest tree in the wood," continued the
Pigeon, raising its voice to a shriek, "and just as I was thinking I
should be free of them at last, they must needs come wriggling down from
the sky! Ugh, Serpent!"

"But I'm _not_ a serpent, I tell you!" said Alice. "I'm a -- I'm a--"

"Well! _What_ are you?" said the Pigeon. "I can see you're trying to
invent something!"

"I -- I'm a little girl," said Alice, rather doubtfully, as she remembered
the number of changes she had gone through that day.

"A likely story indeed!" said the Pigeon in a tone of the deepest
contempt. "I've seen a good many little girls in my time, but never _one_
with such a neck as that! No, no! You're a serpent; and there's no use
denying it. I suppose you'll be telling me next that you never tasted an
egg!"

"I _have_ tasted eggs, certainly," said Alice, who was a very truthful
child; "but little girls eat eggs quite as much as serpents do, you know."

"I don't believe it," said the Pigeon; "but if they do, why then they're a
kind of serpent, that's all I can say."

This was such a new idea to Alice, that she was quite silent for a minute
or two, which gave the Pigeon the opportunity of adding, "You're looking
for eggs, I know _that_ well enough; and what does it matter to me whether
you're a little girl or a serpent?"

"It matters a good deal to _me,"_ said Alice hastily; "but I'm not looking
for eggs, as it happens; and if I was, I shouldn't want _yours:_ I don't
like them raw."

"Well, be off, then!" said the Pigeon in a sulky tone, as it settled down
again into its nest. Alice crouched down among the trees as well as she
could, for her neck kept getting entangled among the branches, and every
now and then she had to stop and untwist it. After a while she remembered
that she still held the pieces of mushroom in her hands, and she set to
work very carefully, nibbling first at one and then at the other, and
growing sometimes taller and sometimes shorter, until she had succeeded in
bringing herself down to her usual height.

It was so long since she had been anything near the right size, that it
felt quite strange at first; but she got used to it in a few minutes, and
began talking to herself, as usual. "Come, there's half my plan done now!
How puzzling all these changes are! I'm never sure what I'm going to be,
from one minute to another! However, I've got back to my right size: the
next thing is, to get into that beautiful garden -- how _is_ that to be
done, I wonder?" As she said this, she came suddenly upon an open place,
with a little house in it about four feet high. "Whoever lives there,"
thought Alice, "it'll never do to come upon them _this_ size: why, I
should frighten them out of their wits!" So she began nibbling at the
righthand bit again, and did not venture to go near the house till she
had brought herself down to nine inches high.






 Chapter VI -- Pig and Pepper


For a minute or two she stood looking at the house, and wondering what to
do next, when suddenly a footman in livery came running out of the wood --
(she considered him to be a footman because he was in livery: otherwise,
judging by his face only, she would have called him a fish) -- and rapped
loudly at the door with his knuckles. It was opened by another footman in
livery, with a round face, and large eyes like a frog; and both footmen,
Alice noticed, had powdered hair that curled all over their heads. She
felt very curious to know what it was all about, and crept a little way
out of the wood to listen.

The Fish-Footman began by producing from under his arm a great letter,
nearly as large as himself, and this he handed over to the other, saying,
in a solemn tone, "For the Duchess. An invitation from the Queen to play
croquet." The Frog-Footman repeated, in the same solemn tone, only
changing the order of the words a little, "From the Queen. An invitation
for the Duchess to play croquet."

Then they both bowed low, and their curls got entangled together.

Alice laughed so much at this, that she had to run back into the wood for
fear of their hearing her; and when she next peeped out the Fish-Footman
was gone, and the other was sitting on the ground near the door, staring
stupidly up into the sky.

Alice went timidly up to the door, and knocked.

 [Fish and Frog servants.]
 http://z-m-l.com/go/alice/frog_servants.png

"There's no sort of use in knocking," said the Footman, "and that for two
reasons. First, because I'm on the same side of the door as you are;
secondly, because they're making such a noise inside, no one could
possibly hear you." And certainly there was a most extraordinary noise
going on within -- a constant howling and sneezing, and every now and then
a great crash, as if a dish or kettle had been broken to pieces.

"Please, then," said Alice, "how am I to get in?"

"There might be some sense in your knocking," the Footman went on without
attending to her, "if we had the door between us. For instance, if you
were _inside,_ you might knock, and I could let you out, you know." He was
looking up into the sky all the time he was speaking, and this Alice
thought decidedly uncivil. "But perhaps he can't help it," she said to
herself; "his eyes are so _very_ nearly at the top of his head. But at any
rate he might answer questions. -- How am I to get in?" she repeated,
aloud.

"I shall sit here," the Footman remarked, "till tomorrow--"

At this moment the door of the house opened, and a large plate came
skimming out, straight at the Footman's head: it just grazed his nose, and
broke to pieces against one of the trees behind him.

"--or next day, maybe," the Footman continued in the same tone, exactly
as if nothing had happened.

"How am I to get in?" asked Alice again, in a louder tone.

_"Are_ you to get in at all?" said the Footman. "That's the first
question, you know."

It was, no doubt: only Alice did not like to be told so. "It's really
dreadful," she muttered to herself, "the way all the creatures argue. It's
enough to drive one crazy!"

The Footman seemed to think this a good opportunity for repeating his
remark, with variations. "I shall sit here," he said, "on and off, for
days and days."

"But what am I to do?" said Alice.

"Anything you like," said the Footman, and began whistling.

"Oh, there's no use in talking to him," said Alice desperately: "he's
perfectly idiotic!" And she opened the door and went in.

The door led right into a large kitchen, which was full of smoke from one
end to the other: the Duchess was sitting on a three-legged stool in the
middle, nursing a baby; the cook was leaning over the fire, stirring a
large cauldron which seemed to be full of soup.

"There's certainly too much pepper in that soup!" Alice said to herself,
as well as she could for sneezing.

There was certainly too much of it in the air. Even the Duchess sneezed
occasionally; and as for the baby, it was sneezing and howling alternately
without a moment's pause. The only things in the kitchen that did not
sneeze, were the cook, and a large cat which was sitting on the hearth and
grinning from ear to ear.

"Please would you tell me," said Alice, a little timidly, for she was not
quite sure whether it was good manners for her to speak first, "why your
cat grins like that?"

"It's a Cheshire cat," said the Duchess, "and that's why. Pig!"

She said the last word with such sudden violence that Alice quite jumped;
but she saw in another moment that it was addressed to the baby, and not
to her, so she took courage, and went on again:--

"I didn't know that Cheshire cats always grinned; in fact, I didn't know
that cats _could_ grin."

"They all can," said the Duchess; "and most of 'em do."

"I don't know of any that do," Alice said very politely, feeling quite
pleased to have got into a conversation.

"You don't know much," said the Duchess; "and that's a fact."

Alice did not at all like the tone of this remark, and thought it would be
as well to introduce some other subject of conversation. While she was
trying to fix on one, the cook took the cauldron of soup off the fire, and
at once set to work throwing everything within her reach at the Duchess
and the baby -- the fire-irons came first; then followed a shower of
saucepans, plates, and dishes. The Duchess took no notice of them even
when they hit her; and the baby was howling so much already, that it was
quite impossible to say whether the blows hurt it or not.

"Oh, _please_ mind what you're doing!" cried Alice, jumping up and down in
an agony of terror. "Oh, there goes his _precious_ nose"; as an unusually
large saucepan flew close by it, and very nearly carried it off.

 [Cook, Duchess, Cheshire Cat, Baby, and Alice.]
 http://z-m-l.com/go/alice/baby,_and_alice.png

"If everybody minded their own business," the Duchess said in a hoarse
growl, "the world would go round a deal faster than it does."

"Which would _not_ be an advantage," said Alice, who felt very glad to get
an opportunity of showing off a little of her knowledge. "Just think of
what work it would make with the day and night! You see the earth takes
twenty-four hours to turn round on its axis--"

"Talking of axes," said the Duchess, "chop off her head!"

Alice glanced rather anxiously at the cook, to see if she meant to take
the hint; but the cook was busily stirring the soup, and seemed not to be
listening, so she went on again: "Twenty-four hours, I _think;_ or is it
twelve? I--"

"Oh, don't bother _me,"_ said the Duchess; "I never could abide figures!"
And with that she began nursing her child again, singing a sort of lullaby
to it as she did so, and giving it a violent shake at the end of every
line:


            "Speak roughly to your little boy,
                And beat him when he sneezes:
            He only does it to annoy,
                Because he knows it teases."

 Chorus.
 (In which the cook and the baby joined):--
 "Wow! wow! wow!"


While the Duchess sang the second verse of the song, she kept tossing the
baby violently up and down, and the poor little thing howled so, that
Alice could hardly hear the words:--


            "I speak severely to my boy,
                I beat him when he sneezes;
            For he can thoroughly enjoy
                The pepper when he pleases!"

 Chorus.
 "Wow! wow! wow!"


"Here! you may nurse it a bit, if you like!" the Duchess said to Alice,
flinging the baby at her as she spoke. "I must go and get ready to play
croquet with the Queen," and she hurried out of the room. The cook threw
a frying-pan after her as she went out, but it just missed her.

Alice caught the baby with some difficulty, as it was a queer-shaped
little creature, and held out its arms and legs in all directions, "just
like a star-fish," thought Alice. The poor little thing was snorting like
a steam-engine when she caught it, and kept doubling itself up and
straightening itself out again, so that altogether, for the first minute
or two, it was as much as she could do to hold it.

As soon as she had made out the proper way of nursing it, (which was to
twist it up into a sort of knot, and then keep tight hold of its right ear
and left foot, so as to prevent its undoing itself,) she carried it out
into the open air. _"If_ I don't take this child away with me," thought
Alice, "they're sure to kill it in a day or two: wouldn't it be murder to
leave it behind?" She said the last words out loud, and the little thing
grunted in reply (it had left off sneezing by this time). "Don't grunt,"
said Alice; "that's not at all a proper way of expressing yourself."

 [Alice holding the pig baby.]
 http://z-m-l.com/go/alice/alice_holding.png

The baby grunted again, and Alice looked very anxiously into its face to
see what was the matter with it. There could be no doubt that it had a
_very_ turn-up nose, much more like a snout than a real nose; also its
eyes were getting extremely small for a baby: altogether Alice did not
like the look of the thing at all. "But perhaps it was only sobbing," she
thought, and looked into its eyes again, to see if there were any tears.

No, there were no tears. "If you're going to turn into a pig, my dear,"
said Alice, seriously, "I'll have nothing more to do with you. Mind now!"
The poor little thing sobbed again (or grunted, it was impossible to say
which), and they went on for some while in silence.

Alice was just beginning to think to herself, "Now, what am I to do with
this creature when I get it home?" when it grunted again, so violently,
that she looked down into its face in some alarm. This time there could be
_no_ mistake about it: it was neither more nor less than a pig, and she
felt that it would be quite absurd for her to carry it further.

So she set the little creature down, and felt quite relieved to see it
trot away quietly into the wood. "If it had grown up," she said to
herself, "it would have made a dreadfully ugly child: but it makes rather
a handsome pig, I think." And she began thinking over other children she
knew, who might do very well as pigs, and was just saying to herself, "if
one only knew the right way to change them--" when she was a little
startled by seeing the Cheshire Cat sitting on a bough of a tree a few
yards off.

 [Alice speaks to the Cheshire Cat.]
 http://z-m-l.com/go/alice/alice_speaks.png

The Cat only grinned when it saw Alice. It looked good-natured, she
thought: still it had _very_ long claws and a great many teeth, so she
felt that it ought to be treated with respect.

"Cheshire Puss," she began, rather timidly, as she did not at all know
whether it would like the name: however, it only grinned a little wider.
"Come, it's pleased so far," thought Alice, and she went on. "Would you
tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"

"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat.

"I don't much care where--" said Alice.

"Then it doesn't matter which way you go," said the Cat.

"--so long as I get _somewhere,"_ Alice added as an explanation.

"Oh, you're sure to do that," said the Cat, "if you only walk long
enough."

Alice felt that this could not be denied, so she tried another question.
"What sort of people live about here?"

"In _that_ direction," the Cat said, waving its right paw round, "lives
a Hatter: and in _that_ direction," waving the other paw, "lives a March
Hare. Visit either you like: they're both mad."

"But I don't want to go among mad people," Alice remarked.

"Oh, you can't help that," said the Cat: "we're all mad here. I'm mad.
You're mad."

"How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice.

"You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."

Alice didn't think that proved it at all; however, she went on "And how do
you know that you're mad?"

"To begin with," said the Cat, "a dog's not mad. You grant that?"

"I suppose so," said Alice.

"Well, then," the Cat went on, "you see, a dog growls when it's angry, and
wags its tail when it's pleased. Now I growl when I'm pleased, and wag my
tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad."

"I call it purring, not growling," said Alice.

"Call it what you like," said the Cat. "Do you play croquet with the Queen
to-day?"

"I should like it very much," said Alice, "but I haven't been invited
yet."

"You'll see me there," said the Cat, and vanished.

Alice was not much surprised at this, she was getting so used to queer
things happening. While she was looking at the place where it had been, it
suddenly appeared again.

"By-the-bye, what became of the baby?" said the Cat. "I'd nearly forgotten
to ask."

"It turned into a pig," Alice quietly said, just as if it had come back in
a natural way.

"I thought it would," said the Cat, and vanished again.

 [The Cheshire Cat fades to a smile.]
 http://z-m-l.com/go/alice/cat_fades.png

Alice waited a little, half expecting to see it again, but it did not
appear, and after a minute or two she walked on in the direction in which
the March Hare was said to live. "I've seen hatters before," she said to
herself; "the March Hare will be much the most interesting, and perhaps as
this is May it won't be raving mad -- at least not so mad as it was in
March." As she said this, she looked up, and there was the Cat again,
sitting on a branch of a tree.

"Did you say pig, or fig?" said the Cat.

"I said pig," replied Alice; "and I wish you wouldn't keep appearing and
vanishing so suddenly: you make one quite giddy."

"All right," said the Cat; and this time it vanished quite slowly,
beginning with the end of the tail, and ending with the grin, which
remained some time after the rest of it had gone.

"Well! I've often seen a cat without a grin," thought Alice; "but a grin
without a cat! It's the most curious thing I ever saw in my life!"

She had not gone much farther before she came in sight of the house of the
March Hare: she thought it must be the right house, because the chimneys
were shaped like ears and the roof was thatched with fur. It was so large
a house, that she did not like to go nearer till she had nibbled some more
of the lefthand bit of mushroom, and raised herself to about two feet
high: even then she walked up towards it rather timidly, saying to herself
"Suppose it should be raving mad after all! I almost wish I'd gone to see
the Hatter instead!"






 Chapter VII -- A Mad Tea-Party


There was a table set out under a tree in front of the house, and the
March Hare and the Hatter were having tea at it: a Dormouse was sitting
between them, fast asleep, and the other two were using it as a cushion,
resting their elbows on it, and talking over its head. "Very uncomfortable
for the Dormouse," thought Alice; "only, as it's asleep, I suppose it
doesn't mind."

 [The Mad Tea Party.]
 http://z-m-l.com/go/alice/the_mad.png

The table was a large one, but the three were all crowded together at one
corner of it: "No room! No room!" they cried out when they saw Alice
coming. "There's _plenty_ of room!" said Alice indignantly, and she sat
down in a large arm-chair at one end of the table.

"Have some wine," the March Hare said in an encouraging tone.

Alice looked all round the table, but there was nothing on it but tea.
"I don't see any wine," she remarked.

"There isn't any," said the March Hare.

"Then it wasn't very civil of you to offer it," said Alice angrily.

"It wasn't very civil of you to sit down without being invited," said the
March Hare.

"I didn't know it was _your_ table," said Alice; "it's laid for a great
many more than three."

"Your hair wants cutting," said the Hatter. He had been looking at Alice
for some time with great curiosity, and this was his first speech.

"You should learn not to make personal remarks," Alice said with some
severity; "it's very rude."

The Hatter opened his eyes very wide on hearing this; but all he _said_
was, "Why is a raven like a writing-desk?"

"Come, we shall have some fun now!" thought Alice. "I'm glad they've begun
asking riddles. -- I believe I can guess that," she added aloud.

 [The Hatter engaging in rhetoric.]
 http://z-m-l.com/go/alice/hatter_engaging.png

"Do you mean that you think you can find out the answer to it?" said the
March Hare.

"Exactly so," said Alice.

"Then you should say what you mean," the March Hare went on.

"I do," Alice hastily replied; "at least -- at least I mean what I say --
that's the same thing, you know."

"Not the same thing a bit!" said the Hatter. "You might just as well say
that 'I see what I eat' is the same thing as 'I eat what I see'!"

"You might just as well say," added the March Hare, "that 'I like what
I get' is the same thing as 'I get what I like'!"

"You might just as well say," added the Dormouse, who seemed to be talking
in his sleep, "that 'I breathe when I sleep' is the same thing as 'I
sleep when I breathe'!"

"It _is_ the same thing with you," said the Hatter, and here the
conversation dropped, and the party sat silent for a minute, while Alice
thought over all she could remember about ravens and writing-desks, which
wasn't much.

The Hatter was the first to break the silence. "What day of the month is
it?" he said, turning to Alice: he had taken his watch out of his pocket,
and was looking at it uneasily, shaking it every now and then, and holding
it to his ear.

Alice considered a little, and then said "The fourth."

"Two days wrong!" sighed the Hatter. "I told you butter wouldn't suit the
works!" he added looking angrily at the March Hare.

"It was the _best_ butter," the March Hare meekly replied.

"Yes, but some crumbs must have got in as well," the Hatter grumbled: "you
shouldn't have put it in with the bread-knife."

The March Hare took the watch and looked at it gloomily: then he dipped it
into his cup of tea, and looked at it again: but he could think of nothing
better to say than his first remark, "It was the _best_ butter, you know."

Alice had been looking over his shoulder with some curiosity. "What a
funny watch!" she remarked. "It tells the day of the month, and doesn't
tell what o'clock it is!"

"Why should it?" muttered the Hatter. "Does _your_ watch tell you what
year it is?"

"Of course not," Alice replied very readily: "but that's because it stays
the same year for such a long time together."

"Which is just the case with _mine,"_ said the Hatter.

Alice felt dreadfully puzzled. The Hatter's remark seemed to have no sort
of meaning in it, and yet it was certainly English. "I don't quite
understand you," she said, as politely as she could.

"The Dormouse is asleep again," said the Hatter, and he poured a little
hot tea upon its nose.

The Dormouse shook its head impatiently, and said, without opening its
eyes, "Of course, of course; just what I was going to remark myself."

"Have you guessed the riddle yet?" the Hatter said, turning to Alice
again.

"No, I give it up," Alice replied: "what's the answer?"

"I haven't the slightest idea," said the Hatter.

"Nor I," said the March Hare.

Alice sighed wearily. "I think you might do something better with the
time," she said, "than waste it in asking riddles that have no answers."

"If you knew Time as well as I do," said the Hatter, "you wouldn't talk
about wasting _it._ It's _him."_ 

"I don't know what you mean," said Alice.

"Of course you don't!" the Hatter said, tossing his head contemptuously.
"I dare say you never even spoke to Time!"

"Perhaps not," Alice cautiously replied: "but I know I have to beat time
when I learn music."

"Ah! that accounts for it," said the Hatter. "He won't stand beating. Now,
if you only kept on good terms with him, he'd do almost anything you liked
with the clock. For instance, suppose it were nine o'clock in the morning,
just time to begin lessons: you'd only have to whisper a hint to Time, and
round goes the clock in a twinkling! Half-past one, time for dinner!"

("I only wish it was," the March Hare said to itself in a whisper.)

"That would be grand, certainly," said Alice thoughtfully: "but then --
I shouldn't be hungry for it, you know."

"Not at first, perhaps," said the Hatter: "but you could keep it to
half-past one as long as you liked."

"Is that the way _you_ manage?" Alice asked.

The Hatter shook his head mournfully. "Not I!" he replied. "We quarrelled
last March -- just before _he_ went mad, you know--" (pointing with his
tea spoon at the March Hare,) "--it was at the great concert given by the
Queen of Hearts, and I had to sing:

            'Twinkle, twinkle, little bat!
            How I wonder what you're at!'

You know the song, perhaps?"

"I've heard something like it," said Alice.

"It goes on, you know," the Hatter continued, "in this way:--

            'Up above the world you fly,
            Like a tea-tray in the sky.
                Twinkle, twinkle--'"

Here the Dormouse shook itself, and began singing in its sleep "Twinkle,
twinkle, twinkle, twinkle--" and went on so long that they had to pinch
it to make it stop.

"Well, I'd hardly finished the first verse," said the Hatter, "when the
Queen jumped up and bawled out, 'He's murdering the time! Off with his
head!'"

"How dreadfully savage!" exclaimed Alice.

"And ever since that," the Hatter went on in a mournful tone, "he won't do
a thing I ask! It's always six o'clock now."

A bright idea came into Alice's head. "Is that the reason so many tea-things
are put out here?" she asked.

"Yes, that's it," said the Hatter with a sigh: "it's always tea-time, and
we've no time to wash the things between whiles."

"Then you keep moving round, I suppose?" said Alice.

"Exactly so," said the Hatter: "as the things get used up."

"But what happens when you come to the beginning again?" Alice ventured
to ask.

"Suppose we change the subject," the March Hare interrupted, yawning.
"I'm getting tired of this. I vote the young lady tells us a story."

"I'm afraid I don't know one," said Alice, rather alarmed at the proposal.

"Then the Dormouse shall!" they both cried. "Wake up, Dormouse!" And they
pinched it on both sides at once.

The Dormouse slowly opened his eyes. "I wasn't asleep," he said in a
hoarse, feeble voice: "I heard every word you fellows were saying."

"Tell us a story!" said the March Hare.

"Yes, please do!" pleaded Alice.

"And be quick about it," added the Hatter, "or you'll be asleep again
before it's done."

"Once upon a time there were three little sisters," the Dormouse began in
a great hurry; "and their names were Elsie, Lacie, and Tillie; and they
lived at the bottom of a well--"

"What did they live on?" said Alice, who always took a great interest in
questions of eating and drinking.

"They lived on treacle," said the Dormouse, after thinking a minute or
two.

"They couldn't have done that, you know," Alice gently remarked; "they'd
have been ill."

"So they were," said the Dormouse; _"very_ ill."

Alice tried to fancy to herself what such an extraordinary ways of living
would be like, but it puzzled her too much, so she went on: "But why did
they live at the bottom of a well?"

"Take some more tea," the March Hare said to Alice, very earnestly.

"I've had nothing yet," Alice replied in an offended tone, "so I can't
take more."

"You mean you can't take _less,"_ said the Hatter: "it's very easy to take
_more_ than nothing."

"Nobody asked _your_ opinion," said Alice.

"Who's making personal remarks now?" the Hatter asked triumphantly.

Alice did not quite know what to say to this: so she helped herself to
some tea and bread-and-butter, and then turned to the Dormouse, and
repeated her question. "Why did they live at the bottom of a well?"

The Dormouse again took a minute or two to think about it, and then said,
"It was a treacle-well."

"There's no such thing!" Alice was beginning very angrily, but the Hatter
and the March Hare went "Sh! sh!" and the Dormouse sulkily remarked, "If
you can't be civil, you'd better finish the story for yourself."

"No, please go on!" Alice said very humbly; "I won't interrupt again. I
dare say there may be _one."_ 

"One, indeed!" said the Dormouse indignantly. However, he consented to go
on. "And so these three little sisters -- they were learning to draw, you
know--"

"What did they draw?" said Alice, quite forgetting her promise.

"Treacle," said the Dormouse, without considering at all this time.

"I want a clean cup," interrupted the Hatter: "let's all move one place
on."

He moved on as he spoke, and the Dormouse followed him: the March Hare
moved into the Dormouse's place, and Alice rather unwillingly took the
place of the March Hare. The Hatter was the only one who got any advantage
from the change: and Alice was a good deal worse off than before, as the
March Hare had just upset the milk-jug into his plate.

Alice did not wish to offend the Dormouse again, so she began very
cautiously: "But I don't understand. Where did they draw the treacle
from?"

"You can draw water out of a water-well," said the Hatter; "so I should
think you could draw treacle out of a treacle-well -- eh, stupid?"

"But they were _in_ the well," Alice said to the Dormouse, not choosing
to notice this last remark.

"Of course they were", said the Dormouse; "--well in."

This answer so confused poor Alice, that she let the Dormouse go on for
some time without interrupting it.

"They were learning to draw," the Dormouse went on, yawning and rubbing
its eyes, for it was getting very sleepy; "and they drew all manner of
things -- everything that begins with an M--"

"Why with an M?" said Alice.

"Why not?" said the March Hare.

Alice was silent.

The Dormouse had closed its eyes by this time, and was going off into a
doze; but, on being pinched by the Hatter, it woke up again with a little
shriek, and went on: "--that begins with an M, such as mouse-traps, and
the moon, and memory, and muchness -- you know you say things are 'much
of a muchness' -- did you ever see such a thing as a drawing of a
muchness?"

"Really, now you ask me," said Alice, very much confused, "I don't
think--"

"Then you shouldn't talk," said the Hatter.

This piece of rudeness was more than Alice could bear: she got up in great
disgust, and walked off; the Dormouse fell asleep instantly, and neither
of the others took the least notice of her going, though she looked back
once or twice, half hoping that they would call after her: the last time
she saw them, they were trying to put the Dormouse into the teapot.

"At any rate I'll never go _there_ again!" said Alice as she picked her
way through the wood. "It's the stupidest tea-party I ever was at in all
my life!"

Just as she said this, she noticed that one of the trees had a door
leading right into it. "That's very curious!" she thought. "But
everything's curious today. I think I may as well go in at once." And in
she went.

 [The Hatter and the Hare dunk the Dormouse.]
 http://z-m-l.com/go/alice/hare_dunk.png

Once more she found herself in the long hall, and close to the little
glass table. "Now, I'll manage better this time," she said to herself,
and began by taking the little golden key, and unlocking the door that led
into the garden. Then she went to work nibbling at the mushroom (she had
kept a piece of it in her pocket) till she was about a foot high: then she
walked down the little passage: and _then_ -- she found herself at last in
the beautiful garden, among the bright flower-beds and the cool fountains.






 Chapter VIII -- The Queen's Croquet-Ground


A large rose-tree stood near the entrance of the garden: the roses growing
on it were white, but there were three gardeners at it, busily painting
them red. Alice thought this a very curious thing, and she went nearer to
watch them, and just as she came up to them she heard one of them say,
"Look out now, Five! Don't go splashing paint over me like that!"

"I couldn't help it," said Five, in a sulky tone; "Seven jogged my elbow."

On which Seven looked up and said, "That's right, Five! Always lay the
blame on others!"

_"You'd_ better not talk!" said Five. "I heard the Queen say only
yesterday you deserved to be beheaded!"

"What for?" said the one who had spoken first.

"That's none of _your_ business, Two!" said Seven.

"Yes, it _is_ his business!" said Five, "and I'll tell him -- it was for
bringing the cook tulip-roots instead of onions."

Seven flung down his brush, and had just begun "Well, of all the unjust
things--" when his eye chanced to fall upon Alice, as she stood watching
them, and he checked himself suddenly: the others looked round also, and
all of them bowed low.

"Would you tell me," said Alice, a little timidly, "why you are painting
those roses?"

 [Two, Five, and Seven painting the rosebush.]
 http://z-m-l.com/go/alice/seven_painting.png

Five and Seven said nothing, but looked at Two. Two began in a low voice,
"Why the fact is, you see, Miss, this here ought to have been a _red_ rose-tree,
and we put a white one in by mistake; and if the Queen was to
find it out, we should all have our heads cut off, you know. So you see,
Miss, we're doing our best, afore she comes, to--" At this moment Five,
who had been anxiously looking across the garden, called out "The Queen!
The Queen!" and the three gardeners instantly threw themselves flat upon
their faces. There was a sound of many footsteps, and Alice looked round,
eager to see the Queen.

First came ten soldiers carrying clubs; these were all shaped like the
three gardeners, oblong and flat, with their hands and feet at the
corners: next the ten courtiers; these were ornamented all over with
diamonds, and walked two and two, as the soldiers did. After these came
the royal children; there were ten of them, and the little dears came
jumping merrily along hand in hand, in couples: they were all ornamented
with hearts. Next came the guests, mostly Kings and Queens, and among them
Alice recognised the White Rabbit: it was talking in a hurried nervous
manner, smiling at everything that was said, and went by without noticing
her. Then followed the Knave of Hearts, carrying the King's crown on a
crimson velvet cushion; and, last of all this grand procession,
came _the_ _King_ _and_ _Queen_ _of_ _Hearts._ 

Alice was rather doubtful whether she ought not to lie down on her face
like the three gardeners, but she could not remember ever having heard of
such a rule at processions; "and besides, what would be the use of a
procession," thought she, "if people had all to lie down upon their faces,
so that they couldn't see it?" So she stood still where she was, and
waited.

When the procession came opposite to Alice, they all stopped and looked at
her, and the Queen said severely "Who is this?" She said it to the Knave
of Hearts, who only bowed and smiled in reply.

"Idiot!" said the Queen, tossing her head impatiently; and, turning to
Alice, she went on, "What's your name, child?"

"My name is Alice, so please your Majesty," said Alice very politely; but
she added, to herself, "Why, they're only a pack of cards, after all. I
needn't be afraid of them!"

"And who are _these?"_ said the Queen, pointing to the three gardeners who
were lying round the rosetree; for, you see, as they were lying on their
faces, and the pattern on their backs was the same as the rest of the
pack, she could not tell whether they were gardeners, or soldiers, or
courtiers, or three of her own children.

"How should I know?" said Alice, surprised at her own courage. "It's no
business of _mine."_ 

The Queen turned crimson with fury, and, after glaring at her for a moment
like a wild beast, screamed "Off with her head! Off--"

"Nonsense!" said Alice, very loudly and decidedly, and the Queen was
silent.

The King laid his hand upon her arm, and timidly said "Consider, my dear:
she is only a child!"

The Queen turned angrily away from him, and said to the Knave "Turn them
over!"

 [The Queen pointing to Alice, with: "Off with her head!"]
 http://z-m-l.com/go/alice/queen_pointing.png

The Knave did so, very carefully, with one foot.

"Get up!" said the Queen, in a shrill, loud voice, and the three gardeners
instantly jumped up, and began bowing to the King, the Queen, the royal
children, and everybody else.

"Leave off that!" screamed the Queen. "You make me giddy." And then,
turning to the rose-tree, she went on, "What _have_ you been doing here?"

"May it please your Majesty," said Two, in a very humble tone, going down
on one knee as he spoke, "we were trying--"

"I see!" said the Queen, who had meanwhile been examining the roses. "Off
with their heads!" and the procession moved on, three of the soldiers
remaining behind to execute the unfortunate gardeners, who ran to Alice
for protection.

"You shan't be beheaded!" said Alice, and she put them into a large
flower-pot that stood near. The three soldiers wandered about for a minute
or two, looking for them, and then quietly marched off after the others.

"Are their heads off?" shouted the Queen.

"Their heads are gone, if it please your Majesty!" the soldiers shouted in
reply.

"That's right!" shouted the Queen. "Can you play croquet?"

The soldiers were silent, and looked at Alice, as the question was
evidently meant for her.

"Yes!" shouted Alice.

"Come on, then!" roared the Queen, and Alice joined the procession,
wondering very much what would happen next.

"It's -- it's a very fine day!" said a timid voice at her side. She was
walking by the White Rabbit, who was peeping anxiously into her face.

"Very," said Alice: "--where's the Duchess?"

"Hush! Hush!" said the Rabbit in a low, hurried tone. He looked anxiously
over his shoulder as he spoke, and then raised himself upon tiptoe, put
his mouth close to her ear, and whispered "She's under sentence of
execution."

"What for?" said Alice.

"Did you say 'What a pity!'?" the Rabbit asked.

"No, I didn't," said Alice: "I don't think it's at all a pity. I said
'What for?'"

"She boxed the Queen's ears--" the Rabbit began. Alice gave a little
scream of laughter. "Oh, hush!" the Rabbit whispered in a frightened tone.
"The Queen will hear you! You see, she came rather late, and the Queen
said--"

"Get to your places!" shouted the Queen in a voice of thunder, and people
began running about in all directions, tumbling up against each other;
however, they got settled down in a minute or two, and the game began.
Alice thought she had never seen such a curious croquet-ground in her
life; it was all ridges and furrows; the balls were live hedgehogs, the
mallets live flamingoes, and the soldiers had to double themselves up and
to stand on their hands and feet, to make the arches.

 [Alice trying croquet with flamingo and hedgehog.]
 http://z-m-l.com/go/alice/alice_trying.png

The chief difficulty Alice found at first was in managing her flamingo:
she succeeded in getting its body tucked away, comfortably enough, under
her arm, with its legs hanging down, but generally, just as she had got
its neck nicely straightened out, and was going to give the hedgehog a
blow with its head, it _would_ twist itself round and look up in her face,
with such a puzzled expression that she could not help bursting out
laughing: and when she had got its head down, and was going to begin
again, it was very provoking to find that the hedgehog had unrolled
itself, and was in the act of crawling away: besides all this, there was
generally a ridge or furrow in the way wherever she wanted to send the
hedgehog to, and, as the doubled-up soldiers were always getting up and
walking off to other parts of the ground, Alice soon came to the
conclusion that it was a very difficult game indeed.

The players all played at once without waiting for turns, quarrelling all
the while, and fighting for the hedgehogs; and in a very short time the
Queen was in a furious passion, and went stamping about, and shouting "Off
with his head!" or "Off with her head!" about once in a minute.

Alice began to feel very uneasy: to be sure, she had not as yet had any
dispute with the Queen, but she knew that it might happen any minute, "and
then," thought she, "what would become of me? They're dreadfully fond of
beheading people here; the great wonder is, that there's any one left
alive!"

She was looking about for some way of escape, and wondering whether she
could get away without being seen, when she noticed a curious appearance
in the air: it puzzled her very much at first, but, after watching it a
minute or two, she made it out to be a grin, and she said to herself "It's
the Cheshire Cat: now I shall have somebody to talk to."

"How are you getting on?" said the Cat, as soon as there was mouth enough
for it to speak with.

Alice waited till the eyes appeared, and then nodded. "It's no use
speaking to it," she thought, "till its ears have come, or at least one of
them." In another minute the whole head appeared, and then Alice put down
her flamingo, and began an account of the game, feeling very glad she had
someone to listen to her. The Cat seemed to think that there was enough of
it now in sight, and no more of it appeared.

"I don't think they play at all fairly," Alice began, in rather a
complaining tone, "and they all quarrel so dreadfully one can't hear
oneself speak -- and they don't seem to have any rules in particular; at
least, if there are, nobody attends to them -- and you've no idea how
confusing it is all the things being alive; for instance, there's the arch
I've got to go through next walking about at the other end of the
ground -- and I should have croqueted the Queen's hedgehog just now, only
it ran away when it saw mine coming!"

"How do you like the Queen?" said the Cat in a low voice.

"Not at all," said Alice: "she's so extremely--" Just then she noticed
that the Queen was close behind her, listening: so she went on, "--likely
to win, that it's hardly worth while finishing the game."

The Queen smiled and passed on.

"Who _are_ you talking to?" said the King, going up to Alice, and looking
at the Cat's head with great curiosity.

"It's a friend of mine -- a Cheshire Cat," said Alice: "allow me to
introduce it."

"I don't like the look of it at all," said the King: "however, it may kiss
my hand if it likes."

"I'd rather not," the Cat remarked.

"Don't be impertinent," said the King, "and don't look at me like that!"
He got behind Alice as he spoke.

"A cat may look at a king," said Alice. "I've read that in some book, but
I don't remember where."

"Well, it must be removed," said the King very decidedly, and he called
the Queen, who was passing at the moment, "My dear! I wish you would have
this cat removed!"

The Queen had only one way of settling all difficulties, great or small.
"Off with his head!" she said, without even looking round.

"I'll fetch the executioner myself," said the King eagerly, and he hurried
off.

Alice thought she might as well go back, and see how the game was going
on, as she heard the Queen's voice in the distance, screaming with
passion. She had already heard her sentence three of the players to be
executed for having missed their turns, and she did not like the look of
things at all, as the game was in such confusion that she never knew
whether it was her turn or not. So she went in search of her hedgehog.

The hedgehog was engaged in a fight with another hedgehog, which seemed to
Alice an excellent opportunity for croqueting one of them with the other:
the only difficulty was, that her flamingo was gone across to the other
side of the garden, where Alice could see it trying in a helpless sort of
way to fly up into a tree.

By the time she had caught the flamingo and brought it back, the fight was
over, and both the hedgehogs were out of sight: "but it doesn't matter
much," thought Alice, "as all the arches are gone from this side of the
ground." So she tucked it away under her arm, that it might not escape
again, and went back for a little more conversation with her friend.

When she got back to the Cheshire Cat, she was surprised to find quite a
large crowd collected round it: there was a dispute going on between the
executioner, the King, and the Queen, who were all talking at once, while
all the rest were quite silent, and looked very uncomfortable.

 [Executioner argues with The King about beheading.]
 http://z-m-l.com/go/alice/executioner_argues.png

The moment Alice appeared, she was appealed to by all three to settle the
question, and they repeated their arguments to her, though, as they all
spoke at once, she found it very hard indeed to make out exactly what they
said.

The executioner's argument was, that you couldn't cut off a head unless
there was a body to cut it off from: that he had never had to do such a
thing before, and he wasn't going to begin at _his_ time of life.

The King's argument was, that anything that had a head could be beheaded,
and that you weren't to talk nonsense.

The Queen's argument was, that if something wasn't done about it in less
than no time she'd have everybody executed, all round. (It was this last
remark that had made the whole party look so grave and anxious.)

Alice could think of nothing else to say but "It belongs to the Duchess:
you'd better ask _her_ about it."

"She's in prison," the Queen said to the executioner: "fetch her here."
And the executioner went off like an arrow.

The Cat's head began fading away the moment he was gone, and, by the time
he had come back with the Duchess, it had entirely disappeared; so the
King and the executioner ran wildly up and down looking for it, while the
rest of the party went back to the game.






 Chapter IX -- The Mock Turtle's Story


"You can't think how glad I am to see you again, you dear old thing!" said
the Duchess, as she tucked her arm affectionately into Alice's, and they
walked off together.

Alice was very glad to find her in such a pleasant temper, and thought to
herself that perhaps it was only the pepper that had made her so savage
when they met in the kitchen.

"When _I'm_ a Duchess," she said to herself, (not in a very hopeful tone
though), "I won't have any pepper in my kitchen _at_ _all._ Soup does very
well without -- Maybe it's always pepper that makes people hot-tempered,"
she went on, very much pleased at having found out a new kind of rule,
"and vinegar that makes them sour -- and camomile that makes them
bitter -- and -- and barley-sugar and such things that make children
sweet-tempered. I only wish people knew that: then they wouldn't be so
stingy about it, you know--"

She had quite forgotten the Duchess by this time, and was a little
startled when she heard her voice close to her ear. "You're thinking about
something, my dear, and that makes you forget to talk. I can't tell you
just now what the moral of that is, but I shall remember it in a bit."

"Perhaps it hasn't one," Alice ventured to remark.

"Tut, tut, child!" said the Duchess. "Everything's got a moral, if only
you can find it." And she squeezed herself up closer to Alice's side as
she spoke.

Alice did not much like keeping so close to her: first, because the
Duchess was _very_ ugly; and secondly, because she was exactly the right
height to rest her chin upon Alice's shoulder, and it was an uncomfortably
sharp chin. However, she did not like to be rude, so she bore it as well
as she could.

"The game's going on rather better now," she said, by way of keeping up
the conversation a little.

"'Tis so," said the Duchess: "and the moral of that is -- 'Oh, 'tis love,
'tis love, that makes the world go round!'"

"Somebody said," Alice whispered, "that it's done by everybody minding
their own business!"

"Ah, well! It means much the same thing," said the Duchess, digging her
sharp little chin into Alice's shoulder as she added, "and the moral of
_that_ is -- 'Take care of the sense, and the sounds will take care of
themselves.'"

"How fond she is of finding morals in things!" Alice thought to herself.

"I dare say you're wondering why I don't put my arm round your waist," the
Duchess said after a pause: "the reason is, that I'm doubtful about the
temper of your flamingo. Shall I try the experiment?"

_"He_ might bite," Alice cautiously replied, not feeling at all anxious to
have the experiment tried.

"Very true," said the Duchess: "flamingoes and mustard both bite. And the
moral of that is -- 'Birds of a feather flock together.'"

"Only mustard isn't a bird," Alice remarked.

"Right, as usual," said the Duchess: "what a clear way you have of putting
things!"

"It's a mineral, I _think,"_ said Alice.

"Of course it is," said the Duchess, who seemed ready to agree to
everything that Alice said; "there's a large mustard-mine near here. And
the moral of that is -- 'The more there is of mine, the less there is of
yours.'"

"Oh, I know!" exclaimed Alice, who had not attended to this last remark,
"it's a vegetable. It doesn't look like one, but it is."

"I quite agree with you," said the Duchess; "and the moral of that is --
'Be what you would seem to be' -- or if you'd like it put more simply --
'Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to
others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise than what
you had been or would have appeared to them to be otherwise.'"

"I think I should understand that better," Alice said very politely, "if I
had it written down: but I can't quite follow it as you say it."

"That's nothing to what I could say if I chose," the Duchess replied, in a
pleased tone.

 [Alice (with flamingo) chats with the Duchess.]
 http://z-m-l.com/go/alice/chats_with.png

"Pray don't trouble yourself to say it any longer than that," said Alice.

"Oh, don't talk about trouble!" said the Duchess. "I make you a present of
everything I've said as yet."

"A cheap sort of present!" thought Alice. "I'm glad they don't give
birthday presents like that!" But she did not venture to say it out loud.

"Thinking again?" the Duchess asked, with another dig of her sharp little
chin.

"I've a right to think," said Alice sharply, for she was beginning to feel
a little worried.

"Just about as much right," said the Duchess, "as pigs have to fly; and
the m--"

But here, to Alice's great surprise, the Duchess's voice died away, even
in the middle of her favourite word "moral," and the arm that was linked
into hers began to tremble. Alice looked up, and there stood the Queen in
front of them, with her arms folded, frowning like a thunderstorm.

"A fine day, your Majesty!" the Duchess began in a low, weak voice.

"Now, I give you fair warning," shouted the Queen, stamping on the ground
as she spoke; "either you or your head must be off, and that in about half
no time! Take your choice!"

The Duchess took her choice, and was gone in a moment.

"Let's go on with the game," the Queen said to Alice; and Alice was too
much frightened to say a word, but slowly followed her back to the
croquet-ground.

The other guests had taken advantage of the Queen's absence, and were
resting in the shade: however, the moment they saw her, they hurried back
to the game, the Queen merely remarking that a moment's delay would cost
them their lives.

All the time they were playing the Queen never left off quarrelling with
the other players, and shouting "Off with his head!" or "Off with her
head!" Those whom she sentenced were taken into custody by the soldiers,
who of course had to leave off being arches to do this, so that by the end
of half an hour or so there were no arches left, and all the players,
except the King, the Queen, and Alice, were in custody and under sentence
of execution.

Then the Queen left off, quite out of breath, and said to Alice, "Have you
seen the Mock Turtle yet?"

"No," said Alice. "I don't even know what a Mock Turtle is."

"It's the thing Mock Turtle Soup is made from," said the Queen.

"I never saw one, or heard of one," said Alice.

"Come on, then," said the Queen, "and he shall tell you his history,"

As they walked off together, Alice heard the King say in a low voice, to
the company generally, "You are all pardoned."

"Come, _that's_ a good
thing!" she said to herself, for she had felt quite unhappy at the number
of executions the Queen had ordered.

They very soon came upon a Gryphon, lying fast asleep in the sun. _(If_
you don't know what a Gryphon is, look at the picture.) "Up, lazy thing!"
said the Queen, "and take this young lady to see the Mock Turtle, and to
hear his history. I must go back and see after some executions I have
ordered"; and she walked off, leaving Alice alone with the Gryphon. Alice
did not quite like the look of the creature, but on the whole she thought
it would be quite as safe to stay with it as to go after that savage
Queen: so she waited.

The Gryphon sat up and rubbed its eyes: then it watched the Queen till she
was out of sight: then it chuckled. "What fun!" said the Gryphon, half to
itself, half to Alice.

 [Gryphon asleep.]
 http://z-m-l.com/go/alice/gryphon_asleep.png

"What _is_ the fun?" said Alice.

"Why, _she,"_ said the Gryphon. "It's all her fancy, that: they never
executes nobody, you know. Come on!"

"Everybody says 'come on!' here," thought Alice, as she went slowly
after it: "I never was so ordered about in all my life, never!"

They had not gone far before they saw the Mock Turtle in the distance,
sitting sad and lonely on a little ledge of rock, and, as they came
nearer, Alice could hear him sighing as if his heart would break. She
pitied him deeply. "What is his sorrow?" she asked the Gryphon, and the
Gryphon answered, very nearly in the same words as before, "It's all his
fancy, that: he hasn't got no sorrow, you know. Come on!"

So they went up to the Mock Turtle, who looked at them with large eyes
full of tears, but said nothing.

"This here young lady," said the Gryphon, "she wants for to know your
history, she do."

"I'll tell it her," said the Mock Turtle in a deep, hollow tone: "sit
down, both of you, and don't speak a word till I've finished."

So they sat down, and nobody spoke for some minutes. Alice thought to
herself, "I don't see how he can _even_ finish, if he doesn't begin." But
she waited patiently.

"Once," said the Mock Turtle at last, with a deep sigh, "I was a real
Turtle."

These words were followed by a very long silence, broken only by an
occasional exclamation of "Hjckrrh!" from the Gryphon, and the constant
heavy sobbing of the Mock Turtle. Alice was very nearly getting up and
saying, "Thank you, sir, for your interesting story," but she could not
help thinking there _must_ be more to come, so she sat still and said
nothing.

"When we were little," the Mock Turtle went on at last, more calmly,
though still sobbing a little now and then, "we went to school in the sea.
The master was an old Turtle -- we used to call him Tortoise--"

"Why did you call him Tortoise, if he wasn't one?" Alice asked.

"We called him Tortoise because he taught us," said the Mock Turtle
angrily: "really you are very dull!"

"You ought to be ashamed of yourself for asking such a simple question,"
added the Gryphon; and then they both sat silent and looked at poor Alice,
who felt ready to sink into the earth. At last the Gryphon said to the
Mock Turtle, "Drive on, old fellow! Don't be all day about it!" and he
went on in these words:

"Yes, we went to school in the sea, though you mayn't believe it--"

"I never said I didn't!" interrupted Alice.

"You did," said the Mock Turtle.

"Hold your tongue!" added the Gryphon, before Alice could speak again.
The Mock Turtle went on.

"We had the best of educations -- in fact, we went to school every day--"

_"I've_ been to a day-school, too," said Alice; "you needn't be so proud
as all that."

"With extras?" asked the Mock Turtle a little anxiously.

"Yes," said Alice, "we learned French and music."

"And washing?" said the Mock Turtle.

"Certainly not!" said Alice indignantly.

"Ah! then yours wasn't a really good school," said the Mock Turtle in a
tone of great relief. "Now at _ours_ they had at the end of the bill,
'French, music, _and_ _washing_ -- extra.'"

"You couldn't have wanted it much," said Alice; "living at the bottom of
the sea."

"I couldn't afford to learn it." said the Mock Turtle with a sigh. "I only
took the regular course."

"What was that?" inquired Alice.

"Reeling and Writhing, of course, to begin with," the Mock Turtle replied;
"and then the different branches of Arithmetic -- Ambition, Distraction,
Uglification, and Derision."

"I never heard of 'Uglification,'" Alice ventured to say. "What is it?"

The Gryphon lifted up both its paws in surprise. "What! Never heard of
uglifying!" it exclaimed. "You know what to beautify is, I suppose?"

"Yes," said Alice doubtfully: "it means -- to -- make -- anything --
prettier."

"Well, then," the Gryphon went on, "if you don't know what to uglify is,
you _are_ a simpleton."

Alice did not feel encouraged to ask any more questions about it, so she
turned to the Mock Turtle, and said "What else had you to learn?"

"Well, there was Mystery," the Mock Turtle replied, counting off the
subjects on his flappers, "--Mystery, ancient and modern, with
Seaography: then Drawling -- the Drawling-master was an old conger-eel,
that used to come once a week: _he_ taught us Drawling, Stretching, and
Fainting in Coils."

"What was _that_ like?" said Alice.

"Well, I can't show it you myself," the Mock Turtle said: "I'm too stiff.
And the Gryphon never learnt it."

"Hadn't time," said the Gryphon: "I went to the Classics master, though.
He was an old crab, _he_ was."

"I never went to him," the Mock Turtle said with a sigh: "he taught
Laughing and Grief, they used to say."

"So he did, so he did," said the Gryphon, sighing in his turn; and both
creatures hid their faces in their paws.

"And how many hours a day did you do lessons?" said Alice, in a hurry to
change the subject.

"Ten hours the first day," said the Mock Turtle: "nine the next, and so
on."

"What a curious plan!" exclaimed Alice.

"That's the reason they're called lessons," the Gryphon remarked: "because
they lessen from day to day."

This was quite a new idea to Alice, and she thought it over a little
before she made her next remark. "Then the eleventh day must have been a
holiday?"

"Of course it was," said the Mock Turtle.

"And how did you manage on the twelfth?" Alice went on eagerly.

"That's enough about lessons," the Gryphon interrupted in a very decided
tone: "tell her something about the games now."






 Chapter X -- The Lobster Quadrille


The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and drew the back of one flapper across his
eyes. He looked at Alice, and tried to speak, but for a minute or two sobs
choked his voice. "Same as if he had a bone in his throat," said the
Gryphon: and it set to work shaking him and punching him in the back. At
last the Mock Turtle recovered his voice, and, with tears running down his
cheeks, he went on again:--

"You may not have lived much under the sea--" ("I haven't," said
Alice) -- "and perhaps you were never even introduced to a lobster--"
(Alice began to say "I once tasted--" but checked herself hastily, and
said "No, never") "--so you can have no idea what a delightful thing a
Lobster Quadrille is!"

"No, indeed," said Alice. "What sort of a dance is it?"

"Why," said the Gryphon, "you first form into a line along the sea-shore--"

"Two lines!" cried the Mock Turtle. "Seals, turtles, salmon, and so on;
then, when you've cleared all the jelly-fish out of the way--"

_"That_ generally takes some time," interrupted the Gryphon.

"--you advance twice--"

"Each with a lobster as a partner!" cried the Gryphon.

"Of course," the Mock Turtle said: "advance twice, set to partners--"

"--change lobsters, and retire in same order," continued the Gryphon.

"Then, you know," the Mock Turtle went on, "you throw the--"

"The lobsters!" shouted the Gryphon, with a bound into the air.

"--as far out to sea as you can--"

"Swim after them!" screamed the Gryphon.

"Turn a somersault in the sea!" cried the Mock Turtle, capering wildly
about.

"Change lobsters again!" yelled the Gryphon at the top of its voice.

"Back to land again, and that's all the first figure," said the Mock
Turtle, suddenly dropping his voice; and the two creatures, who had been
jumping about like mad things all this time, sat down again very sadly and
quietly, and looked at Alice.

"It must be a very pretty dance," said Alice timidly.

"Would you like to see a little of it?" said the Mock Turtle.

"Very much indeed," said Alice.

"Come, let's try the first figure!" said the Mock Turtle to the Gryphon.
"We can do without lobsters, you know. Which shall sing?"

"Oh, _you_ sing," said the Gryphon. "I've forgotten the words."

 [Mock Turtle and Gryphon singing to Alice.]
 http://z-m-l.com/go/alice/gryphon_singing.png

So they began solemnly dancing round and round Alice, every now and then
treading on her toes when they passed too close, and waving their forepaws
to mark the time, while the Mock Turtle sang this, very slowly and
sadly:--


      'Will you walk a little faster?'
         said a whiting to a snail.
      'There's a porpoise close behind us,
         and he's treading on my tail.

      See how eagerly the lobsters
         and the turtles all advance!
      They are waiting on the shingle --
         will you come and join the dance?'

          Will you, won't you, will you, won't you,
             will you join the dance?
          Will you, won't you, will you, won't you,
             won't you join the dance?


      You can really have no notion
         how delightful it will be
      When they take us up and throw us,
         with the lobsters, out to sea!

      But the snail replied 'Too far, too far!'
         and gave a look askance --
      Said he thanked the whiting kindly,
         but he would not join the dance.

          Would not, could not, would not, could not,
             would not join the dance.
          Would not, could not, would not, could not,
             could not join the dance.


      'What matters it how far we go?'
         his scaly friend replied.
      'There is another shore, you know,
         upon the other side.'

      The further off from England
         the nearer is to France --
      Then turn not pale, beloved snail,
         but come and join the dance.

          Will you, won't you, will you, won't you,
             will you join the dance?
          Will you, won't you, will you, won't you,
             won't you join the dance?


"Thank you, it's a very interesting dance to watch," said Alice, feeling
very glad that it was over at last: "and I do so like that curious song
about the whiting!"

"Oh, as to the whiting," said the Mock Turtle, "they -- you've seen them,
of course?"

"Yes," said Alice, "I've often seen them at dinn--" she checked herself
hastily.

"I don't know where Dinn may be," said the Mock Turtle, "but if you've
seen them so often, of course you know what they're like."

"I believe so," Alice replied thoughtfully. "They have their tails in
their mouths -- and they're all over crumbs."

"You're wrong about the crumbs," said the Mock Turtle: "crumbs would all
wash off in the sea. But they _have_ their tails in their mouths; and the
reason is--" here the Mock Turtle yawned and shut his eyes. -- "Tell her
about the reason and all that," he said to the Gryphon.

"The reason is," said the Gryphon, "that they _would_ go with the lobsters
to the dance. So they got thrown out to sea. So they had to fall a long
way. So they got their tails fast in their mouths. So they couldn't get
them out again. That's all."

 [Mock Turtle and Gryphon demonstrating Quadrille.]
 http://z-m-l.com/go/alice/gryphon_demonstrating.png

"Thank you," said Alice, "it's very interesting. I never knew so much
about a whiting before."

"I can tell you more than that, if you like," said the Gryphon. "Do you
know why it's called a whiting?"

"I never thought about it," said Alice. "Why?"

_"It_ _does_ _the_ _boots_ _and_ _shoes."_ the Gryphon replied very solemnly.

Alice was thoroughly puzzled. "Does the boots and shoes!" she repeated in
a wondering tone.

"Why, what are _your_ shoes done with?" said the Gryphon. "I mean, what
makes them so shiny?"

Alice looked down at them, and considered a little before she gave her
answer. "They're done with blacking, I believe."

"Boots and shoes under the sea," the Gryphon went on in a deep voice, "are
done with a whiting. Now you know."

"And what are they made of?" Alice asked in a tone of great curiosity.

"Soles and eels, of course," the Gryphon replied rather impatiently: "any
shrimp could have told you that."

"If I'd been the whiting," said Alice, whose thoughts were still running
on the song, "I'd have said to the porpoise, 'Keep back, please: we don't
want _you_ with us!'"

"They were obliged to have him with them," the Mock Turtle said: "no wise
fish would go anywhere without a porpoise."

"Wouldn't it really?" said Alice in a tone of great surprise.

"Of course not," said the Mock Turtle: "why, if a fish came to _me,_ and
told me he was going a journey, I should say 'With what porpoise?'"

"Don't you mean 'purpose'?" said Alice.

"I mean what I say," the Mock Turtle replied in an offended tone. And the
Gryphon added "Come, let's hear some of _your_ adventures."

"I could tell you my adventures -- beginning from this morning," said
Alice a little timidly: "but it's no use going back to yesterday, because
I was a different person then."

"Explain all that," said the Mock Turtle.

"No, no! The adventures first," said the Gryphon in an impatient tone:
"explanations take such a dreadful time."

So Alice began telling them her adventures from the time when she first
saw the White Rabbit. She was a little nervous about it just at first, the
two creatures got so close to her, one on each side, and opened their eyes
and mouths so _very_ wide, but she gained courage as she went on. Her
listeners were perfectly quiet till she got to the part about her
repeating _"You_ _are_ _Old,_ _Father_ _William,"_ to the Caterpillar, and the
words all coming different, and then the Mock Turtle drew a long breath,
and said "That's very curious."

"It's all about as curious as it can be," said the Gryphon.

"It all came different!" the Mock Turtle repeated thoughtfully. "I should
like to hear her try and repeat something now. Tell her to begin." He
looked at the Gryphon as if he thought it had some kind of authority over
Alice.

"Stand up and repeat _'Tis_ _the_ _Voice_ _of_ _the_ _Sluggard,'"_ said the
Gryphon.

"How the creatures order one about, and make one repeat lessons!" thought
Alice; "I might as well be at school at once." However, she got up, and
began to repeat it, but her head was so full of the Lobster Quadrille,
that she hardly knew what she was saying, and the words came very queer
indeed:--


            'Tis the voice of the Lobster;'
               I heard him declare,
            You have baked me too brown,
               I must sugar my hair.
            As a duck with its eyelids,
               so he with his nose
            Trims his belt and his buttons,
               and turns out his toes.[1]


"That's different from what I used to say when I was a child," said the
Gryphon.

"Well, I never heard it before," said the Mock Turtle; "but it sounds
uncommon nonsense."

Alice said nothing; she had sat down with her face in her hands, wondering
if anything would _ever_ happen in a natural way again.

"I should like to have it explained," said the Mock Turtle.

"She can't explain it," said the Gryphon hastily. "Go on with the next
verse."

"But about his toes?" the Mock Turtle persisted. "How _could_ he turn them
out with his nose, you know?"

 [Lobster primping before a mirror.]
 http://z-m-l.com/go/alice/lobster_primping.png

"It's the first position in dancing." Alice said; but was dreadfully
puzzled by the whole thing, and longed to change the subject.

"Go on with the next verse," the Gryphon repeated impatiently: "it begins
'I passed by his garden.'"

Alice did not dare to disobey, though she felt sure it would all come
wrong, and she went on in a trembling voice:--


        "I passed by his garden, and marked, with one eye,
        How the Owl and the Panther were sharing a pie--"[2]


"What _is_ the use of repeating all that stuff," the Mock Turtle
interrupted, "if you don't explain it as you go on? It's by far the most
confusing thing I ever heard!"

"Yes, I think you'd better leave off," said the Gryphon: and Alice was
only too glad to do so.

"Shall we try another figure of the Lobster Quadrille?" the Gryphon went
on. "Or would you like the Mock Turtle to sing you a song?"

"Oh, a song, please, if the Mock Turtle would be so kind," Alice replied,
so eagerly that the Gryphon said, in a rather offended tone, "Hm! No
accounting for tastes! Sing her 'Turtle Soup,' will you, old fellow?"

The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and began, in a voice sometimes choked with
sobs, to sing this:--


              "Beautiful Soup, so rich and green,
              Waiting in a hot tureen!
              Who for such dainties would not stoop?
              Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup!
              Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup!
                  Beau--ootiful Soo--oop!
                  Beau--ootiful Soo--oop!
              Soo--oop of the e--e--evening,
                  Beautiful, beautiful Soup!"

              "Beautiful Soup! Who cares for fish,
              Game, or any other dish?
              Who would not give all else for two
              Pennyworth only of beautiful Soup?
              Pennyworth only of beautiful Soup?
                  Beau--ootiful Soo--oop!
                  Beau--ootiful Soo--oop!
              Soo--oop of the e--e--evening,
                  Beautiful, beauti--FUL SOUP!"


"Chorus again!" cried the Gryphon, and the Mock Turtle had just begun to
repeat it, when a cry of "The trial's beginning!" was heard in the
distance.

"Come on!" cried the Gryphon, and, taking Alice by the hand, it hurried
off, without waiting for the end of the song.

"What trial is it?" Alice panted as she ran; but the Gryphon only answered
"Come on!" and ran the faster, while more and more faintly came, carried
on the breeze that followed them, the melancholy words:--


              "Soo--oop of the e--e--evening,
                  Beautiful, beautiful Soup!"






 Chapter XI -- Who Stole the Tarts?


The King and Queen of Hearts were seated on their throne when they
arrived, with a great crowd assembled about them -- all sorts of little
birds and beasts, as well as the whole pack of cards: the Knave was
standing before them, in chains, with a soldier on each side to guard him;
and near the King was the White Rabbit, with a trumpet in one hand, and a
scroll of parchment in the other. In the very middle of the court was a
table, with a large dish of tarts upon it: they looked so good, that it
made Alice quite hungry to look at them -- "I wish they'd get the trial
done," she thought, "and hand round the refreshments!" But there seemed to
be no chance of this, so she began looking at everything about her, to
pass away the time.

Alice had never been in a court of justice before, but she had read about
them in books, and she was quite pleased to find that she knew the name of
nearly everything there. "That's the judge," she said to herself, "because
of his great wig."

The judge, by the way, was the King; and as he wore his crown over the
wig, (look at the frontispiece if you want to see how he did it,) he did
not look at all comfortable, and it was certainly not becoming.

 [White Rabbit, dressed as herald, blowing trumpet.]
 http://z-m-l.com/go/alice/blowing_trumpet.png

"And that's the jury-box," thought Alice, "and those twelve creatures,"
(she was obliged to say "creatures," you see, because some of them were
animals, and some were birds,) "I suppose they are the jurors." She said
this last word two or three times over to herself, being rather proud of
it: for she thought, and rightly too, that very few little girls of her
age knew the meaning of it at all. However, "jury-men" would have done
just as well.

The twelve jurors were all writing very busily on slates. "What are they
doing?" Alice whispered to the Gryphon. "They can't have anything to put
down yet, before the trial's begun."

"They're putting down their names," the Gryphon whispered in reply, "for
fear they should forget them before the end of the trial."

"Stupid things!" Alice began in a loud, indignant voice, but she stopped
hastily, for the White Rabbit cried out, "Silence in the court!" and the
King put on his spectacles and looked anxiously round, to make out who was
talking.

Alice could see, as well as if she were looking over their shoulders, that
all the jurors were writing down "stupid things!" on their slates, and she
could even make out that one of them didn't know how to spell "stupid,"
and that he had to ask his neighbour to tell him. "A nice muddle their
slates'll be in before the trial's over!" thought Alice.

One of the jurors had a pencil that squeaked. This of course, Alice could
not stand, and she went round the court and got behind him, and very soon
found an opportunity of taking it away. She did it so quickly that the
poor little juror (it was Bill, the Lizard) could not make out at all what
had become of it; so, after hunting all about for it, he was obliged to
write with one finger for the rest of the day; and this was of very little
use, as it left no mark on the slate.

"Herald, read the accusation!" said the King.

On this the White Rabbit blew three blasts on the trumpet, and then
unrolled the parchment scroll, and read as follows:--


                 "The Queen of Hearts, she made some tarts,
                     All on a summer day:
                 The Knave of Hearts, he stole those tarts,
                     And took them quite away!"


"Consider your verdict," the King said to the jury.

"Not yet, not yet!" the Rabbit hastily interrupted. "There's a great deal
to come before that!"

"Call the first witness," said the King; and the White Rabbit blew three
blasts on the trumpet, and called out, "First witness!"

The first witness was the Hatter. He came in with a teacup in one hand and
a piece of bread-and-butter in the other. "I beg pardon, your Majesty," he
began, "for bringing these in: but I hadn't quite finished my tea when I
was sent for."

"You ought to have finished," said the King. "When did you begin?"

The Hatter looked at the March Hare, who had followed him into the court,
arm-in-arm with the Dormouse. "Fourteenth of March, I think it was," he
said.

"Fifteenth," said the March Hare.

"Sixteenth," added the Dormouse.

"Write that down," the King said to the jury, and the jury eagerly wrote
down all three dates on their slates, and then added them up, and reduced
the answer to shillings and pence.

"Take off your hat," the King said to the Hatter.

"It isn't mine," said the Hatter.

"Stolen!" the King exclaimed, turning to the jury, who instantly made a
memorandum of the fact.

"I keep them to sell," the Hatter added as an explanation; "I've none of
my own. I'm a hatter."

Here the Queen put on her spectacles, and began staring at the Hatter, who
turned pale and fidgeted.

"Give your evidence," said the King; "and don't be nervous, or I'll have
you executed on the spot."

This did not seem to encourage the witness at all: he kept shifting from
one foot to the other, looking uneasily at the Queen, and in his confusion
he bit a large piece out of his teacup instead of the bread-and-butter.

Just at this moment Alice felt a very curious sensation, which puzzled her
a good deal until she made out what it was: she was beginning to grow
larger again, and she thought at first she would get up and leave the
court; but on second thoughts she decided to remain where she was as long
as there was room for her.

 [Mad Hatter arrives hastily in court to testify.]
 http://z-m-l.com/go/alice/arrives_hastily.png

"I wish you wouldn't squeeze so." said the Dormouse, who was sitting next
to her. "I can hardly breathe."

"I can't help it," said Alice very meekly: "I'm growing."

"You've no right to grow here," said the Dormouse.

"Don't talk nonsense," said Alice more boldly: "you know you're growing
too."

"Yes, but I grow at a reasonable pace," said the Dormouse: "not in that
ridiculous fashion." And he got up very sulkily and crossed over to the
other side of the court.

All this time the Queen had never left off staring at the Hatter, and,
just as the Dormouse crossed the court, she said to one of the officers
of the court, "Bring me the list of the singers in the last concert!" on
which the wretched Hatter trembled so, that he shook both his shoes off.

"Give your evidence," the King repeated angrily, "or I'll have you
executed, whether you're nervous or not."

"I'm a poor man, your Majesty," the Hatter began, in a trembling voice,
"--and I hadn't begun my tea -- not above a week or so -- and what with
the bread-and-butter getting so thin -- and the twinkling of the tea--"