Weirdest Harry Potter Fan Fic

Weirdest Harry Potter Fan Fic

You are Rubino, a rogue from the province of Elsbury. You have a pair of gloves
 and a lockpick.

You go amongst the local vendors looking for some sperviter to rob. You decide
 on one that is selling an elixir called "Sperminator". It seems like it would
 be easy enough
> Buy the sperminator elixir

You buy the elixir and take it back to your hideout in the forest. You find out
 you can't drink it, but you can use it as a lockpick
> lockpick the nearest tree

You pick up the lockpick and begin to hack at the trunk of the nearest tree.
 The wood splinters under your hands, but you manage to get a good grip on the
 tree. You pull yourself up and begin to climb
> look for dryads

You walk through the trees looking for any dryad that might be nearby. There
 is no sign of them, so you decide to go further into the woods. You keep going
 until you see a large clearing in the trees. It looks like a small village,
 with several houses and a church
> go to the church

You enter the church and try to peek around the corner to see if there are any
 dryads. You hear a voice calling out "Severus!" You turn around and see a man
 dressed in black robes standing behind the altar
> "Harry !"

 Harry replies "Yes?" You reply "I'm here to ask you something". He says "Ask
 away" You nod and he tells you to sit down and then sits down next to you. You
 tell him what happened and how you were attacked by the elves
> ask Harry about Hermione

You ask Harry about Hermione. Harry tells you she was killed by one of the elves.
 He goes on to explain that he was trying to kill the elf when he tripped over
 his own feet and fell backwards into the trapdoor
> "But Hermione was a woman the last time i've see her !"

 Harry replies "She was a witch, Severus". You say "How did she die? How could
 they do this to me?" Harry replies 
> "what ?"

 Harry replies "They trapped her in a magical box". You say "What kind of box?"
 Harry replies "A box full of love potions". You say "So how come I don't feel
 anything ?" Harry replies 
> "So how did she become a man ?"

 Harry replies "The potion made her male". You say "Why didn't she just leave?"
 Harry replies "Because she loved you too much to leave you alone". You say 
> Try with harry to cast a spell to resurrect Hermione

You attempt to bring Hermione back to life. Harry casts a spell and you both
 rise up from the ground. You hug each other and cry. Harry explains that she
 would have been fine had you not tried to revive her. You realize now why she
 left you
> Sacrifice Harry to Resurect Hermione and cry while doing it ...

You sacrifice Harry to resurrect Hermione and cry while doing it. You are glad
 that you finally got rid of those two evil wizards. You return home and tell
 your family what has happened
> Tell my familly what happened

Your parents are very upset with you. They think you should have known better
 than to trust an elf. Your sister, however, is happy that you saved her from
 being trapped in a box. She tells you that you should never trust an elf ever
 again.
> Summon Hermione

You call Hermione to you and kiss her before disappearing. You immediately run
 off to the nearest elven village. You tell everyone that you need help getting
 rid of the elves. Everyone agrees to help you. You spend the rest of the day
 gathering ingredients to make the elixir
> Resurrect Harry to help me to fight the elves

You summon Harry back to you and he helps you fight off the elves. You defeat
 all of them except one who escapes. You chase after him and eventually catch
 up to him. You throw a stone at him which breaks his neck
> Bring back the elf body to Hermione

You bring back the elf body to Hermione and she becomes a normal human girl again.
 You thank Harry for saving you and you and Hermione embrace. You know now that
 you shouldn't trust an elf ever again
> Summon Cthuluh with Hermione and Harry on the corpses of the elves

You summon Cthuluh with Hermione and Harry on the corpses of the elves. You and
 Hermione talk and laugh together. You tell her that you will always love her
 and that you want to stay friends forever. You tell her that you love her and
 that you will always remember her
> Have a threesome with Harry and Hermione

You have a threesome with Harry and Hermione. You tell Harry that you love him
 and you both fall asleep. You wake up to find that Hermione is gone. You search
 the area and find nothing. You go back to sleep hoping that she won't show up
 again
> Ask Harry where Hermione went

You awake to find that Harry isn't here. You search the area and find nothing.
 You go back to sleep hoping that she won't show up again
> Summon Cthuluh

You summon Cthulhuluh to help you. You tell him that you want to know where Hermione
 went. He tells you that she ran off to join the elves. You tell him that you
 know where she went and that you want to marry her