Empathy is a fundamental part of the way I live my life. There seems to be a great lack of emotional intelligence in the world, and working in the service industry makes that all too clear. Just taking even a moment to actually listen to a person and to understand what they are feeling can make every interaction easier and more satisfying. Working as a bartender for several years allowed me to talk to so many people and see so many perspectives on life, but everyone was driven by the same desires for respect and purpose as anyone else. It also helps you give people the benefit of the doubt, and not take their first impressions too seriously. People don't brag because they have a big ego, or because they think anyone is actually interested. People brag because they are nervous about what other people think about them, and want to show them that they have value. As a writer, understanding the emotional states behind people's words and actions is fundamental to writing good characters. When a character acts in a way that the audience can't empathize with, they have lost the perspective of that character on the story.
I think that knowing how people feel can help anyone provide a better product. As a software engineer it is important to know what the normal emotional state is for people accessing your product. If you are designing something that will be used in emergency situation, you need to know that the user may feel overwhelmed or distracted. With this information you can design a site that has very few functions that are clearly designated. The user will need to be able to perform the task of the software with no added emotional stress. If your product is something that is designed to be entertaining or creative, you might use empathy to assume that your user is in a positive or inspired emotional state. With this information you can provide a product that allows for lots of customization and layout options, so that your user can best access the tools needed to be successfully creative.
Empathy is important when working with anyone. You need to know when someone is not in agreement, but is staying silent out of fear of being seen as going against the team. These people may have valuable insight that should be heard, or the process of convincing them may be useful in solidifying the reasoning behind the idea. When a teammate has taken on more than they can handle, it's important to be able to percieve this so that you know to restructure the division of work or find ways to help them. Just letting someone who is struggling know that you appreciate them and that you struggle as well can help normalize that feeling and take some of the pressure people put on themselves off. It can be so hard to let yourself seem dumb, but if you can create an environment where everyone is allowed to feel stupid, get angry, want to quit, or be incredibly proud of some small success, you can build a team that can be more creative and more honest.
When I was a staff writer for a theater, I was collaborating with two other writers on a script. We had divided the scenes amongst ourselves and were reading through the completed scenes. Usually, we would just offer notes on how to write some jokes better or certain lines that should be cut, and then leave to do our edits. From the head writer's behavior, I could tell that she wasn't happy with one of my scenes. She was trying so hard to be nice, so as to not hurt my feelings, but I could tell that one or two edits wouldn't be enough to really fix the scene in her opinion. I have been in her situation and could empathize with her. I told her that I could have the scene completely rewritten by the next day, and that I would not be offended if she thought that was necessary. She was very relieved and the scene eventually ended up much, much better than what I had originally written. Empathy should allow people to be honest, because honesty (coupled with the emotional intelligence to be honest in a kind way) creates better products.
When do you find it most difficult to be empathetic in professional settings? How can you improve your skills when faced with these scenarios?
There are two scenarios when I find it to be hard to be empathetic. The first is with people who refuse to have empathy themselves. There is an attitude of "I'm just telling the truth, how you react to it is up to you." I think this is a lazy way to pass personal responsibility off on others and it's a type of gaslighting. However, even with people like this it is necessary to practice empathy. These people are frustrated by not being in control, they are worried about failure, and more than anything they haven't built a vocabulary or thought process for handling emotional conversations. If they think about other people's emotions, then they have to consider their own behavior and the emotions behind their actions. This can make people feel stupid, and nobody (especially those who think of themselves as smart) wants to feel stupid. The other situation is when someone is in a bad situation with a clear path out, but refuses to take the steps necessary to improve their lot in life. It can be tempting to stop caring about these people or to consider them beyond help, but anyone who has dealt with depression (either in themselves or in someone else) knows the pain of that horrible paralysis that keeps you from changing. It's like circling a drain and needing a burst of momentum or a helping hand to get out. Sometimes you want to change and something inside of you won't let you. You have to keep yourself open to these people and know that the moment they get emotional energy, you're there to help.