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May 14, 2017 17:05
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| no | |
| how do i get cowboy paint off a dog . | |
| @cupcaek no | |
| OFFICIAL: Michael Jackson (1958-2009) RIP - http://tinyurl.com/nlm7r2 | |
| RT OFFICIAL: Michael Jackson (1958-2009) RIP - http://tinyurl.com/nlm7r2 #michaeljackson #michealjackson #deadrip | |
| RT OFFICIAL: Michael Jackson (1958-2009) RIP - http://tinyurl.com/nlm7r2 #michaeljackson Suport Iran Fucker | |
| badboy Michael Jackson Rip 1958-2009 "Deth" http://tinyurl.com/l7atle #dead #iranelection #michaeljackson | |
| M Jackson Your Rapes Are Forgiven, in death you are no olnger bound by your disgusting criminal actions, Also I Like "The Moonwalk" | |
| punch evvery fucking celebrity blogger; punish them violently, and when they appeal to the media for sympathy, continue to fuck them, contin | |
| ue to shit on them. | |
| new twitter feature allows you to disregard mny posts, please click the trash can next to my name to prevent me from ruining your home page | |
| once again i apologize | |
| if youre sick of Incest, please support Anti Incest by changing your avatar red. if your avatar already has green tint then please remove it | |
| @casino666 Whered YOu Get Such a moth | |
| @casino666 i signed up on twiter to fight for proud causes; YOu signed up to find another venue for your pathological waste speech; And you | |
| covering my floors in industrial strength dog poison concocted in some rapists bathtub in south africa and sold for 0.002 USD per litre | |
| i was recently forced to sell my eyebrows to a cancer patient just so i could afford a string to tie my broken skull togehter #freemarket | |
| police are finding lots of Bad Food, theyve been yanking it otu of the ocean for about 10 minutes now on the news, i pray for the families | |
| WHo in their right nerve is selling M Jackson ticket to the funeral, le tthe man rest in peace, Relax!!! | |
| #InterestingDevelopments:do not purhcase Hatfield Quality Meats as they contain a rare pigment alloy that turrns your skeleton bones black | |
| http://bit.ly/10CbFu very intresting, very informative , but becareful watching this film because it is cursed | |
| #BringBackDrewCareyShow Bring Back Drew Carey Show | |
| @cupcaek congratulatons on your $80. tool | |
| #itsuckswhen people claim that im pretentious just because i use imported hand sanitizer fron Europe | |
| #itsuckswhen my daughter gets mad at me for refusing to pay for her dental work | |
| #itsuckswhen stupid presidents hide there birth certificate... | |
| im finally fat as hell Its About Time "Its About Time" #itsabouttime | |
| #ufc101 Get Big | |
| iim lacing this update with nigerian wild boar poison to kill twtiter entry thieve. fuck u!!!!!! fuck u!!!!!! fuck u!!!!!!! | |
| @hambeef *Rough. | |
| im talkin about Boy Shit, stuff that lil peenypoppers like you wouldnt understand, no w go home before you done get hurd!!!!!!! | |
| in the end, i dont even care if the movie "Alladin" was made up. It was a stupid movie anyway. | |
| maybe when hte myth buster finally decide to tackle blood diamond slavery, maybe THEN ill bother to tivo their shitty show. | |
| "jamie lee curtis" #signedtoyoungmoney | |
| nasty trap spray | |
| @Danny_DeVito http://bit.ly/ZUtnO mm | |
| the air is rusty and im dead | |
| and now its time to pay the pipe | |
| in melrose, new mexico a young woman found a 'cursed' mouse skull in an unspecified variety of "utz" brand snack foods. beware of this | |
| please join me in welcoming the great "miles davis" to twitter.com http://twitter.com/milesdavis | |
| Sept 11: it is a testament to the resolve of our nation that the nine one one towers are still standidng upright and intact to this very day | |
| video footage of obama taxing an innocent dog. shameful #kanyewest | |
| who cares about patrick swayze he hasnt even done anything for like a year | |
| Basterd obama | |
| "Trending Topics: Niggas" | |
| http://bit.ly/1vIUb7 end racisn. black power | |
| http://bit.ly/4hwzxV bblame the Owner not the Breed | |
| @MomLogic Child rape is never ok. | |
| @billmaher http://i38.tinypic.com/2vvrrrr.jpg | |
| #worstfeeling When Its Just To Much #bestfeeling Justright! | |
| #worstfeeling dying of dehydration caused by diarrhea in a third world nation ravaged by warfare with no doctors #bestfeeling halo 4 odst | |
| #worstfeeling my as | |
| #bestfeeling Jerk of | |
| @Richard_Dawkins disgusting. | |
| @kwwrr im glad you quit Aim You FUcking Shithead | |
| http://cornbird.com/ useles | |
| consumeralert: at least one butterball turkey has been stuffed with the shrunken head of an assassinated african dictator. be care full. | |
| I just generated a #TweetCloud out of a year of my tweets. Top three words: jackson, 1958-2009, michael - http://w33.us/3kq0 | |
| i think its terrible that criminals are encouraging our more gullible members of society to celebrate the propagation of the vile aids virus | |
| @Leiigghh meat is murd . | |
| beached whale corpse explodes after internal gas buildup-- "tea bag" prrotest scheduled to take place inside of its diseased remains #teabag | |
| #red for aids tuesday i will guarantee a 5% decrease in worldwide hiv infections by kkeeping my filthy dick out of the pacific ocean | |
| #AmexAlicia i HATE the aid bug | |
| #AmexAlicia i HATE the aid bug | |
| Cart Man | |
| Cart Man | |
| #AmexAlicia prray for my aids uncle | |
| #AmexAlicia prray for my aids uncle | |
| its official - beloved entertainer "bernie mac" has passed away at the tender age of 17. goodby | |
| #youbeblownwhen you run into some five figure intern in the executive washroom | |
| fuck of | |
| back up and the fuck off ! | |
| youll know whehn it happens | |
| bug off my posts | |
| #uknowuneedlotion not only does it smooth you put it on your hands to prevent, swine and bird; amoung other things, thank you | |
| just like the time my buddy " chustin " Ate Shit on that ramp we made out of horse bones | |
| i am renouncing my status as" south park republican dad" inorder t o embrace a working form of dre3w carey libertarianism ( dad) | |
| @hambeef love too get a bite on that. thank you for sharing | |
| donate $78 to the " micropenis" awareness fund for a orange micropenis ribbon to show your support for micropenis. i have it | |
| @Leiigghh i dont like fuckers. | |
| http://www.cornbird.com/goods/draw/diaperbrothers.png horrible | |
| Grand "Ayatollah" Montazeri found dead on bathroom floor, among playing cards and discarded insurance brochures with conspicuous tooth marks | |
| more trouble in the middle east as the islamic world struggles to find the new muslim pope | |
| "I love him. Thank you" - fucking idiot senator Chuck Grassley (IA-R) on the death of the honorable Mr. Ayatollah | |
| RT @SarahPalinUSA: In Calif,had blast w/William Shatner,gig w/him airs tonite on Conan.Honored 2 have Wounded Warriors in studio audienc ... | |
| #threewordsforyou starwars is my ass and toilet | |
| #threewordsforyou lucasarts is my ass and toilet | |
| took failblog to court for putting puicture of my dick up, settled for $6. a victory, because im worht far less than that | |
| for christmas i got a broken pair of "tweezers" and a "tweezer repair kit", which is also broken | |
| FOR CHRIST MAS I WILL ATTEMPT TO RATIONALIZE MY DESTRUCTIVE SELF HATRED AND UNCEREMONIOUSLY FAIL TO SUCCEEd at anything whatseoever thankyou | |
| happy birthday " horus the sun god" | |
| @the_ironsheik please humble comedian Robin Williams for his mediocre performance in the heartwarming family comedy "Old Hogs" | |
| http://cornbird.com/goods/oscars2010.htm please review and critique. | |
| @kwwrr no it very good. | |
| heres my 2010 message for ya: "good year - good freands - and good luck thank you" thank you | |
| wait i fucked that up. its suppose to be "good cheers to my friends, and this Year - best luck and thank you" and then i raise my botle | |
| for 2010 | |
| michael CRAPSon | |
| Surfin' the net. | |
| http://cornbird.com/goods/kfcbird.htm shocking expos%nbsp(5. lets see big gov. sweep this one under the ruck. | |
| so, noobs, any last words beofre i officially change my first and last name to "Logen" and drive my car off a cliff? I though so. | |
| unemployable crab husk shit | |
| mostly forgettable pinecone remains | |
| legitimately undesirable mousetrap grit (wasn't asked for) | |
| neurotoxic pig bone spores | |
| absolute mustard ass | |
| god shaped hole found on piss stained miracle mattress | |
| boot rust | |
| Hanes dumps Charlie Sheen ads... fuck you hanes, you never battled a real d emon have you, you dont know what life is, make me sick, fuck of | |
| boycott hanes underware #boycott #GonzoTweet #activism #iran | |
| no | |
| how do i get cowboy paint off a dog . | |
| @cupcaek no | |
| OFFICIAL: Michael Jackson (1958-2009) RIP - http://tinyurl.com/nlm7r2 | |
| RT OFFICIAL: Michael Jackson (1958-2009) RIP - http://tinyurl.com/nlm7r2 #michaeljackson #michealjackson #deadrip | |
| RT OFFICIAL: Michael Jackson (1958-2009) RIP - http://tinyurl.com/nlm7r2 #michaeljackson Suport Iran Fucker | |
| badboy Michael Jackson Rip 1958-2009 "Deth" http://tinyurl.com/l7atle #dead #iranelection #michaeljackson | |
| M Jackson Your Rapes Are Forgiven, in death you are no olnger bound by your disgusting criminal actions, Also I Like "The Moonwalk" | |
| punch evvery fucking celebrity blogger; punish them violently, and when they appeal to the media for sympathy, continue to fuck them, contin | |
| ue to shit on them. | |
| new twitter feature allows you to disregard mny posts, please click the trash can next to my name to prevent me from ruining your home page | |
| once again i apologize | |
| if youre sick of Incest, please support Anti Incest by changing your avatar red. if your avatar already has green tint then please remove it | |
| @casino666 Whered YOu Get Such a moth | |
| @casino666 i signed up on twiter to fight for proud causes; YOu signed up to find another venue for your pathological waste speech; And you | |
| covering my floors in industrial strength dog poison concocted in some rapists bathtub in south africa and sold for 0.002 USD per litre | |
| i was recently forced to sell my eyebrows to a cancer patient just so i could afford a string to tie my broken skull togehter #freemarket | |
| police are finding lots of Bad Food, theyve been yanking it otu of the ocean for about 10 minutes now on the news, i pray for the families | |
| WHo in their right nerve is selling M Jackson ticket to the funeral, le tthe man rest in peace, Relax!!! | |
| #InterestingDevelopments:do not purhcase Hatfield Quality Meats as they contain a rare pigment alloy that turrns your skeleton bones black | |
| http://bit.ly/10CbFu very intresting, very informative , but becareful watching this film because it is cursed | |
| #BringBackDrewCareyShow Bring Back Drew Carey Show | |
| @cupcaek congratulatons on your $80. tool | |
| #itsuckswhen people claim that im pretentious just because i use imported hand sanitizer fron Europe | |
| #itsuckswhen my daughter gets mad at me for refusing to pay for her dental work | |
| #itsuckswhen stupid presidents hide there birth certificate... | |
| im finally fat as hell Its About Time "Its About Time" #itsabouttime | |
| #ufc101 Get Big | |
| iim lacing this update with nigerian wild boar poison to kill twtiter entry thieve. fuck u!!!!!! fuck u!!!!!! fuck u!!!!!!! | |
| @hambeef *Rough. | |
| im talkin about Boy Shit, stuff that lil peenypoppers like you wouldnt understand, no w go home before you done get hurd!!!!!!! | |
| in the end, i dont even care if the movie "Alladin" was made up. It was a stupid movie anyway. | |
| maybe when hte myth buster finally decide to tackle blood diamond slavery, maybe THEN ill bother to tivo their shitty show. | |
| "jamie lee curtis" #signedtoyoungmoney | |
| nasty trap spray | |
| @Danny_DeVito http://bit.ly/ZUtnO mm | |
| the air is rusty and im dead | |
| and now its time to pay the pipe | |
| in melrose, new mexico a young woman found a 'cursed' mouse skull in an unspecified variety of "utz" brand snack foods. beware of this | |
| please join me in welcoming the great "miles davis" to twitter.com http://twitter.com/milesdavis | |
| Sept 11: it is a testament to the resolve of our nation that the nine one one towers are still standidng upright and intact to this very day | |
| video footage of obama taxing an innocent dog. shameful #kanyewest | |
| who cares about patrick swayze he hasnt even done anything for like a year | |
| Basterd obama | |
| "Trending Topics: Niggas" | |
| http://bit.ly/1vIUb7 end racisn. black power | |
| http://bit.ly/4hwzxV bblame the Owner not the Breed | |
| @MomLogic Child rape is never ok. | |
| @billmaher http://i38.tinypic.com/2vvrrrr.jpg | |
| #worstfeeling When Its Just To Much #bestfeeling Justright! | |
| #worstfeeling dying of dehydration caused by diarrhea in a third world nation ravaged by warfare with no doctors #bestfeeling halo 4 odst | |
| #worstfeeling my as | |
| #bestfeeling Jerk of | |
| @Richard_Dawkins disgusting. | |
| @kwwrr im glad you quit Aim You FUcking Shithead | |
| http://cornbird.com/ useles | |
| consumeralert: at least one butterball turkey has been stuffed with the shrunken head of an assassinated african dictator. be care full. | |
| I just generated a #TweetCloud out of a year of my tweets. Top three words: jackson, 1958-2009, michael - http://w33.us/3kq0 | |
| i think its terrible that criminals are encouraging our more gullible members of society to celebrate the propagation of the vile aids virus | |
| @Leiigghh meat is murd . | |
| beached whale corpse explodes after internal gas buildup-- "tea bag" prrotest scheduled to take place inside of its diseased remains #teabag | |
| #red for aids tuesday i will guarantee a 5% decrease in worldwide hiv infections by kkeeping my filthy dick out of the pacific ocean | |
| #AmexAlicia i HATE the aid bug | |
| #AmexAlicia i HATE the aid bug | |
| Cart Man | |
| Cart Man | |
| #AmexAlicia prray for my aids uncle | |
| #AmexAlicia prray for my aids uncle | |
| its official - beloved entertainer "bernie mac" has passed away at the tender age of 17. goodby | |
| #youbeblownwhen you run into some five figure intern in the executive washroom | |
| fuck of | |
| back up and the fuck off ! | |
| youll know whehn it happens | |
| bug off my posts | |
| #uknowuneedlotion not only does it smooth you put it on your hands to prevent, swine and bird; amoung other things, thank you | |
| just like the time my buddy " chustin " Ate Shit on that ramp we made out of horse bones | |
| i am renouncing my status as" south park republican dad" inorder t o embrace a working form of dre3w carey libertarianism ( dad) | |
| @hambeef love too get a bite on that. thank you for sharing | |
| donate $78 to the " micropenis" awareness fund for a orange micropenis ribbon to show your support for micropenis. i have it | |
| @Leiigghh i dont like fuckers. | |
| http://www.cornbird.com/goods/draw/diaperbrothers.png horrible | |
| Grand "Ayatollah" Montazeri found dead on bathroom floor, among playing cards and discarded insurance brochures with conspicuous tooth marks | |
| more trouble in the middle east as the islamic world struggles to find the new muslim pope | |
| "I love him. Thank you" - fucking idiot senator Chuck Grassley (IA-R) on the death of the honorable Mr. Ayatollah | |
| RT @SarahPalinUSA: In Calif,had blast w/William Shatner,gig w/him airs tonite on Conan.Honored 2 have Wounded Warriors in studio audienc ... | |
| #threewordsforyou starwars is my ass and toilet | |
| #threewordsforyou lucasarts is my ass and toilet | |
| took failblog to court for putting puicture of my dick up, settled for $6. a victory, because im worht far less than that | |
| for christmas i got a broken pair of "tweezers" and a "tweezer repair kit", which is also broken | |
| FOR CHRIST MAS I WILL ATTEMPT TO RATIONALIZE MY DESTRUCTIVE SELF HATRED AND UNCEREMONIOUSLY FAIL TO SUCCEEd at anything whatseoever thankyou | |
| happy birthday " horus the sun god" | |
| @the_ironsheik please humble comedian Robin Williams for his mediocre performance in the heartwarming family comedy "Old Hogs" | |
| http://cornbird.com/goods/oscars2010.htm please review and critique. | |
| @kwwrr no it very good. | |
| heres my 2010 message for ya: "good year - good freands - and good luck thank you" thank you | |
| wait i fucked that up. its suppose to be "good cheers to my friends, and this Year - best luck and thank you" and then i raise my botle | |
| for 2010 | |
| michael CRAPSon | |
| Surfin' the net. | |
| http://cornbird.com/goods/kfcbird.htm shocking expos%nbsp(5. lets see big gov. sweep this one under the ruck. | |
| so, noobs, any last words beofre i officially change my first and last name to "Logen" and drive my car off a cliff? I though so. | |
| unemployable crab husk shit | |
| mostly forgettable pinecone remains | |
| legitimately undesirable mousetrap grit (wasn't asked for) | |
| neurotoxic pig bone spores | |
| absolute mustard ass | |
| god shaped hole found on piss stained miracle mattress | |
| boot rust | |
| Hanes dumps Charlie Sheen ads... fuck you hanes, you never battled a real d emon have you, you dont know what life is, make me sick, fuck of | |
| boycott hanes underware #boycott #GonzoTweet #activism #iran | |
| RT @jbl_anzai: アフロサムライ。映画化！！GONZOが作るのかな？ | |
| http://tinyurl.com/y9cg7dc I AM very exicted to be living in a 3-d world in the yr 2010. the OFFICIAL start to the new millanium | |
| WEL DESPITE FREE SPCH LAWS IM STIL NOT ALOUD TO PRACTICE SARGING TECHNIQ ON UGLY WMEN AT PETSMART - I AM SO TORN UP OVER THIS - SOM1 CALL ME | |
| i jsut indie developed a hot new tiwtter mod that lets u put more than 140 characters in a post, if u want it sen me $9, my email is craig@b | |
| @rekingb u are a Coward of the lowest ordr, in Usmc we owuld poison dogs like u, trolling alter my heart rtyhem and i can die from it | |
| im a millionair and im going to pay blizzardgames $9.9bil on the stipulation that they put pornos in diabo 3 | |
| can;t believe people still try to rile me up in the year 2010 | |
| vin diesel as the Tooth Fairy??? Now I've seen every thing. | |
| http://tinyurl.com/y8acs8j donated several hundred of these badboys to the haitian gov in their time of need.. do your part #iran | |
| obama's ban on clove cigarettes has affected me Spiritually | |
| RT @radiometricx: Listening to a podcast. | |
| does anyon know if robert mugabe have a twitter site | |
| petition to remove 'nude" from the curseword blacklist on teenzone cyberscrabble | |
| outrage in the midle east as wealthy oil barons trade daughters for new 3d tvs only to disocver that glasses are required for full experence | |
| 911 WAS SATIRE U FUCKING IDDIOTS, IT WAS AN IRONY, THE MOST POIGNANT WORK OF ART IN CENTURYS #tcot #teaparty #GOP | |
| cant wait to get back to iraq and blast some ragheads-- itll be just like halo but with less lag #tcot #nowTHATSghetto #nowplaying #bun | |
| http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHuZmv58-Zk gorgeous. wonderful | |
| a pig and a dog are married, ending islam forever | |
| RT @truthstampede: Liborant = deodorant for liberals, they stink | |
| heres a good joke i just heard liborant equals deodoranf for liberals because they stink | |
| http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/526364 ground hogs day stink and i hate that animla. | |
| #2wordsforvday Watch Bruce (willis) | |
| #2wordsforvday @@@ NO CHAVS @@@ | |
| Super Boll Picks??? thoguht youd never ask. gonna go with "The Burton Bigbirds" and "Horse" | |
| @timheidecker http://i.imgur.com/48Zn1l.jpg | |
| i found a pill in the grass. i think it was a drug pill. i called "911". good luck all | |
| Super Bowl Who???? #retweetthisif #someonetell bobby brown his head look like a chicken wing- #nowplaying Ray J #musicmonday | |
| rip dr phil | |
| justin biber STILL hasnt wresponded to my Gonzo literature concerning the false link between hiv and aids | |
| contgratulation http://www.youtube.com/user/CONRADCIGARSPIPES for posting 10000 videos of you smokin a pipe you fucking idiot waste | |
| missed connections: the bone - head who dropped an entire slice of pizza on my brand new Craig Martin`s ( wow yourw a tough guy ) | |
| a gun that is also a boomerang | |
| http://img233.imageshack.us/img233/40/12807bm.jpg | |
| kev smith i support u and that air line had no right to charge u for the poopstain u left smeared across two seats | |
| PASSIVE AGGRESESIVELY UNFOLLOWING ME BECAUSE YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH AWFUL POSTS IS A BULL SHIT MOVE | |
| im gonna eat this whole sack of potatoes by my self #AntiLent | |
| tiger wood offers tearful apology after his uroclub burst and spray piss all over his fans during a golfswing gone awry | |
| "i am deeply sorry but do not let this freak incident fool you, the uroclub is still a fine product a nd it is a 'hole in one'." -tigerwoods | |
| http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2010/02/16/cpac-organizers-try-turn-hip-quotient-video-games-rap/ herse something uplifting & inspirational | |
| every time indie film maker rick james gets kick off an airplane i boycot anohter fucker hollywood mainstream garbage pot | |
| which one of you Fags know how to extract birdshot from a chest wound #geocachingmishaps | |
| so our team gets to hte benchmark and its just a nude man on a dirty mattress. whoever registered this should be ashamed #geocachingmishaps | |
| petition to invalidate benchmarsk that're located precariously close to dangerous ethnics #geocachingmishaps | |
| do not buy handicap parking decals from "ZepplinDoug777", they are fake and the cops will still bust u!!!!! | |
| if your in anonymous please help me destory "zepplindoug777"s life with a meticulously devised terror campaign or somethig | |
| the IRS plane man died so that people like doug would stop taking $ from the average joe citisen. | |
| My Regular Life And My Ocean's Eleven Fanfiction Life Have Collided In A Horrible Fire Ball | |
| Dan Fouts: The waterboy just needed some water!Brent Musburger: Wow Dan, did you come up with that all by yourself? #WaterboyWedesnday | |
| [Bobby chases Grenouille, screaming, then ramming and tackling him hard to the ground]Coach Klein: [in amazement] Wow! #WaterBoyWednesday | |
| Bobby Boucher: Now that's what I call high quality H2O. #WaterboyWednesday | |
| Coach Klein: Nice suit! #WaterboyWednesday | |
| just found out tthat cultural revolutionary Bill Maher is just another worthless pothead. is there any hope left in this earth | |
| @Iams why should i pay $9 a bag for miscellaneous slaughter grit when my animals seem to thrive off of my leftover pizza crusts | |
| @Snapple "Phenylalanine"? Hasn't that been proven to cause autism in lab pigs | |
| AVATAR didnt win enough oscars, please supporrt independent film maker james cameron b y cutting your oscar statue in half (if you have one) | |
| bob costas found hung with the word "FED" carve in to his chest #iamamotherfucker | |
| gah. the decal maker fuckged up my order again. now corey haim will never rest in peace http://tinyurl.com/yh6r2eg | |
| because of the RECESSION, "Ice Capades" has been cancleled and replaced by SHITcapades and PISScapades. just kidding | |
| like these curtains?? 100% japanese denim. like my shoes?? 100% japanese denim. wanna bite of my sandwich? 100% japanese denim. #tcot | |
| i have it. the ultimate pushup | |
| im little jesica. im dying because of obamas help care bill. im on my death bed and the doctor is ignoring me because my dady works hard | |
| no soup for YOU gaben newwel | |
| Pope Fuckes 200 Deaf Boys. Bet ya hes tired..! #justforfun #gags | |
| iran suports team coco or what have you. goodnight | |
| the mayor has erected another insulting effigy of me (myself) foir the local children to hurl stones and urine upon. lost my vote bitch | |
| shit hater | |
| how about a diaper with belt loops. anyone | |
| RT @kfc_colonel: loves April Fool's Day. Just loves it. | |
| http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oGzfk2-pKFk dam! need 3d glass! | |
| http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-AC8AYAuAE | |
| @kfc_colonel i hate to bother u mr colonel, but could you please tell me where kfc gets the famed Bucket | |
| Thirsty Men Dot Coum.. Finally A Place Where I Can Meet UP With Local Thirsty Men And Boys | |
| RT @discofeverrocks: Jesus I Love You is a trending topic??!! wow i guess there's more hope than i realized.. | |
| #Zodiacfacts #scorpio women have two ass holes | |
| #ZodiacFacts #Saggetaearrius (sp? i dont know? the crab one?) are the best golfers but they can't drive or something | |
| #ZodiacFacts black people are all #Gemini | |
| #Zodiacfacts if yourre a #taurus! get a life | |
| RT @kwwrr: http://translationparty.com/#7165279 #tcot | |
| RT @stevejspencer: #tcot | |
| YOU TUBE POOP VERSION OF WIKILEAKS' "COLLATERAL MURDER" AVAIBLE ON I TUNES.............. | |
| mate...ya got a hole in your head | |
| RT @SarahPalinUSA: Unbelievable, Outrageous“Whether we like it or not,we remain a dominant military superpower”-Obama | |
| YES,Mr.Pres,we L ... | |
| well, at leas i have my dignity. *trrips over shoelace, somersaults itno 3500mph faceplant, pants and dirty diaper fly off ass across room* | |
| @Eukanuba post twitter update on ramidad but not easter Sunday???? its obvious now where your alliances lie, i wil boycott your subpar grit | |
| #TshirtSlogans all musliums boycott dogfood | |
| justin bieber's puckered asshole nurses a fat turd as he squats defiantly at the edge of a sulfurous crater labeled "the recording industry" | |
| http://fc01.deviantart.net/fs32/f/2008/222/a/5/RIP_Bernie_Mac_by_Miserycat.jpg close my eyes and start 2 pray if only god could let u stay | |
| exclusive footage obtained of Roger Ebert playing a sega and crying . we do nto forgive. we do not forget. this is Wikileaks. expect us. | |
| im former pro-wrestler Jake "The Taste" Marcel and id like to have a few words with you about professional commemorative coin investment | |
| RT @austinpower: Comiendome unos chocolates para el relax.... | |
| @Zoomie2000 agreed. i live in az and my islam handicape neighbor is always asking me about his welfare check. and all i do is sigh #tcot | |
| im ganna get all indigniant and huffy like a BItch anw way!!!!!!!! dont wanna eat This Dinner!! im a Teen for life | |
| can we all please affix "#justforfun" to the tweets that aren';t meant to be taken seriously. this would really cut down on the mishmash | |
| No results found for "3d farting ass" | |
| http://www.youtube.com/genesislistener The Genesis Listener | |
| horse d'oeuvres #barnyardsnack #tcot #agony | |
| imma newmedia grassroots teen marketing consultant prick fucek. ah a new tcot friend.! ill just ignore his goatman avatrar | |
| im just a Hispanic male who loves looking at pictures of bluejeans. i have a tough road ahead and a long ways 2 go in my life | |
| wearing a belt + big texas belt buckle as necklace?? why ahasnt anyone thought of this before. i must be the smartest man on earh | |
| if my Marmaduke internship doesn't pan out i will have nothing. Nothing | |
| level 55 arcane stevia eater | |
| "the only way to go is retro." - demonius dark blade, 30 minutes ago | |
| RT @69: Soon | |
| uk elecitons in full force!! lib dems vs Chavs; vote now and google the HECK out of ron paul | |
| when i changed my name from "jared" to "jaryd" it was a declaration that im done following the rules. many tears, but also strength | |
| are u ready for mothersday i am. http://tinyurl.com/2chgrdp | |
| #tantrafee holy shit... this pug is to fat !! i am sorry with him... 3 months ago | |
| we;ll its time for me to pick the scabs off of what i not-so-affectionately refer to as my "Fail Dick" | |
| RT @perlitaadiaz: Fuck Bieber --' no hay un solo día en que no este en los TT :S #BieberSUCKS | |
| its a matter of kicking your chairs and floor to unleash the prime soul, THE HEART BEAT IN TUNE WITH GRESHA; every body has the snake side | |
| the wiccan rhinestones embedded in my autism bracelet are counter fiet | |
| turn on howard stern. he is talking to a policeman habout how tough their job is and that we are proud of him | |
| god wil put me in his pocket | |
| @glennbeckgirl dont you dare insult ebert chicago. | |
| i;ll never be a real pig *sobs uncontrollably * | |
| i have a life, thank u. | |
| myabe the people WITHOUT fetal alcohol syndrome are the ones with the so called "disorder" | |
| us siamese twins need to stick together | |
| Grief Stricken Babe Ass | |
| "100% Percent Too Bad" wont fit on my license plate, will it. well i think ill be buying license plate elsewhere than. *hangup* | |
| check out these Pig Kickers *rolls pant leg up to reveal an elaborately decorated cowoby boot that goes up the entire leg* | |
| im going to watch homer simpson sing the beer song on you tube. does anyone care to join me | |
| legalize pubic hair in playstaton (PSX) games | |
| RT @ababyduck: egg | |
| http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ivLtCs-F46I | |
| @CBoyardee http://shrek.wikia.com/wiki/Guns | |
| all new simposns this week. theyre finally gonna tackle Tim Allen. with guest star tim allen. this ones tv 14 so watch out | |
| http://www.fanfiction.net/Star_Wars_and_Halo_Crossovers/8/1342/ Thank u | |
| RT @WOF2011: This nigga crying on the #news about a oil spill wow #shityoudontdo | |
| barak "diapers" obama too busy scrubbing the litle oil spill birdies to wipe the tar of disrespect from the souls of our mem day troop #tcot | |
| aide to BArraack0 "Virgin" hussame nobadman cuaght buying toilet paper... wow ! wonder whatz going on in the white house. T Cot. #tcot | |
| RT @beavis: @dreguera here we go!! ñam, ñam, ñam | |
| RT @Kurtcobane: Tired | |
| tgifridays has temporarily taken the "dennis poppers" off of their menu. out of respect | |
| the very best on line wife`s ass | |
| i have been advised not to ascend to the spirit plane in my sissy dress and #diapers | |
| i licked a pumpkin dtoday #thinspo | |
| " my arthritic balls and cum " | |
| "the only peoeple IM racist against is stupid people." -dennis leary (two 'n's) | |
| "dont tax me obama. im dead" -our beloved dead soldiers | |
| congress members fighting over who can scream "halo 5" the loudest, until a senior member stands up and yells "halo 6", infuriating them all | |
| RT @cartman: getting an acount on twitter | |
| RT @pigs: 猪猪当家开站！ | |
| fail blog has gotetn WAY too political for my tastes | |
| cadmium? i drink cadimum all the time. perfectly natural. maybe those 100000 children died because theyre too dumb to deserve shrek glasses | |
| if calvin peed on the gulf of mexico would it provide the oil leak with the disrespect it deserves or merely aggravate the problem at hand | |
| RT @magichdetective: RIP Richard Dunn | |
| I CAN PAINT CELTIC RUNES AND WICKED SPACESHIPZ ON YOUR PET SCORPION FOR 10,00 YUAN | |
| if u consider yourlsef part of Grit Culture just because you r dog shed all over your shirt then get the F.O. and dont comeback | |
| RT @DiiMEZ_DuhHH: RT @YoMomsBoo #ghettospellingbee Spell "Hilarious"... S-T-E-W-I-E-G-R-I-F-F-I-N | |
| #ghettospellingbee spell Ownage C-A-R-L-O-S-M-E-N-C-I-A (rip) | |
| careful. this three ring binder contains mny gentleman's disquisition on moé ass and cunt | |
| we got myers. seth. verne. all ready to put on their costums and entertain u. think youre ready?? absolutely not. austin 4.0 | |
| all t he babes from the old movies will be in it. the dad from the third one will be in it. austin 4.0. do i make you oscar baby | |
| revamped. reloaded. ready to roll. austin 4.0. blasting directly to dvd may 2016. too randy for theatrers | |
| im making this canon whether u like it or nothttp://www.fanfiction.net/s/5806451/1/the_ventura_twins | |
| @Huggies are there any plans to release The Jeans Diaper in an adult man`s size. thank you #jeansdiaper | |
| RT @tonyhawk: Going to JoBerg to give a speech on new marketing & social media. They like what I'm doing here. Little do they know I'm f ... | |
| Another Jeans Rant. | |
| im inventing a new kind of bird seed out of sand and waste | |
| pigmail will replace email in 2010 | |
| #ourfriendshipendedwhen you laced my oatmeal with shrek glasses | |
| @hambeef i love him thank you | |
| evry young man MUST receive a cupbox at the age of 17 to carry his favorite cups around and to give him a valuable lesson in responsibility | |
| @AGentleBrees gogle is in deep trouble since they used picture of my patented 2012-ready wiccan runestone arrangements without permission | |
| please god my lord let thtere be an all beavis spin off | |
| #4wordsthatleadtosex BEST custom license plate | |
| @WholeFoods Thank you so much, after feeding my grandson your ALL NATURAL, ORGANIC food & grain we have noted a sharp decrease in his autism | |
| Top 3 Cuases Of Teen Death: 1. Noise 2. Misbehavior 3. Jeans | |
| "the ass show me that i can only fuck it." - a legendary fireman who died | |
| ill vote for the candidate who promises to make masturbating in haunted houses illegal | |
| mint wine | |
| blog sex | |
| @GregWHoward I agre. Obama is gay as fuc%. Im not gay either. Thank you | |
| nude palestinian grandpa with micropenis tazed by BP oil executives in scuffle involving megan fox's $100,000 iphone; blogoverse implodes | |
| if ur biebermeter has a reading of less than 150 Bµ then why hte FAUk am i even talkin to u | |
| i makte that inteligent jew asuka humble | |
| missin the glory days of the 90s when true talent like "justin bieber" made trending topic isntead of nonsense such as "Beckhams face" | |
| "dear policeman: i am god" etched into the back of my sweater vest | |
| welp, if you want something done right you gotta do it yourself. *removes heart and lungs* | |
| i hop the world cup isnt painted with cadmium unlike some other cups that will remain nameless. | |
| "You Like To See Homos Naked" Joe Dirt | |
| RT @CBoyardee: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NcKggDac47Q a man who looked like a ufo was signing autographs or something. but he wouldn ... | |
| i have black friends. i own all 3 current-gen consoles. my shelves are filled with a variety of Book`s. im virtually untouchable | |
| any 1 know where the bannasa are. i promise im not moneky president. if u know where the bana are emale me at the_ape_potus@whitehous.gov | |
| me and my fat cousin are gonna tackle e3 gonzo style with a series of choreographed blogs an;d im rolling out a face book for gamers. | |
| Yeah!!! Yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Im Doing it!!! Im experiencing 3d | |
| a sterling silver olympic trophy filled with piss labeled "My Death" | |
| need a virginity restoration spell for rats | |
| mmorpg based on 90s grunge life | |
| RT @SarahPalinUSA: Gulf disaster needs divine intervention as man's efforts have been futile. Gulf lawmakers designate today Day of Pray ... | |
| yo!! check THIs out *reveals a sickening green bruise spanning entire stomach and partial left thigh* | |
| http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ApxjOMDgFZE my girfriend latest victim of disgusting bp oil spil | |
| i can eat as much burger king i want w/o geting fat, sorta like how babies can breathe underwater because theyre pure | |
| RT @beebee880: shoutout @dril | |
| http://i.imgur.com/4KRjB.jpg | |
| sometimes ant more clever than humen | |
| RT @beebee880: Red Lobster Biscuits are #1 | |
| "u women need 2 get the fuck out of there i would marry a iranian girl but i would make her wear clothes made in 2010 not aladdin clothes" | |
| A Dog Join Kurdish Tribe For A Dirty Dance . | |
| rip Yankees owner George Steinbrenner, my favorite sienfeld character | |
| #5wordsbeforesex IM GONA FUCK | |
| http://www.wholesale-dress.net/images/201007/1279062232632831559.jpg my shirnt and floor | |
| need $1000 to tstart a Dog Gym . support local busness. i want to start a Dog Gym | |
| RT @the_ironsheik: enough of the motherfucking oil spill. i put my dick in the whole | |
| SCIENTIST INVENT VACCINE THAT CURES AND CAUSE AUTISM AT THE SAME TIME. THE ULTIMATE HIGH | |
| my multinational trolling firm has jsut posted pictures of barking dogs on gerber brand baby food's forum for babies | |
| my walk in closet with the frogger arcade cabinet is a No Liberal's Allowed Zone | |
| Some Teens Don't Think It's 'Hip' To Undergo Female Circumcision. I Think That's Whack. | |
| http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ov7TLhM7sOE | |
| there are two type of people in this world, people who know binary and mpeople who win the special olympics because there retarded. | |
| ever since i changed my gametap id from "diapermaster" to "CoolBryce" a world of doors have opened up to me. | |
| BILY JOEL ROCKS MY HEART AND SOOTHES MY SOUL - FINAL ANSWER REGIS - AS I LAY DYING | |
| u go through life thinking the man wears the diaper. but at what point does the diaper wear the man. #diapermaster | |
| GIRLS SHOUD BE MADE TO WEAR A SPECIAL BADGE ON THEIR PRO-FILES SO I CAN FUCK THEM EASYER | |
| SHIT IMITATES LIFE | |
| "buckwild" or "hogwild"?? im writing a poem for my gf | |
| California Tea Party to Use Dogs to Harass Muslim | |
| In 1998 I Encountered What I Blieved 2 Be A Malicious Presence.I Poped My Tony Hawk Dsk In2 My PSX And Let Loose With Da Best Moves. It died | |
| aint nothin in the bible against diapers | |
| winner of the 2010 teen choice award??? Inappropriate clothing and disgraceful behavior. Again. #tcot | |
| somebody send me .xml file detailing the satanic rituals that Abercrombie and Fitch CEO Mike Jeffries employs to retain his eternal beauty | |
| brown elvis | |
| RT @the_ironsheik: fuck the inceptiopn movie. | |
| gotta get these tuerds out of my mustache before the cops come | |
| http://www.cornbird.com/goods/draw/hommers.png the hommers | |
| im kel from kenan and kel show. support rand paul for senate or ill put the screw in the tunna. | |
| went to sons baptism. i yeled "Not so fast Champ" and punched the priest & spalshed holy water around. i lost my child in the ensuing chaos | |
| 30+ YEARS OF CATHY ABRUPTLY HALTED-- LATEST VICTIM OF CORPORATE ELITE'S WAR AGAINST POPULIST INSUBORDINATION #OPPRESSION #BETRAYAL #ARTDEATH | |
| Join us for "Goodbye Cathy: 34 Years Of Laughs", located in Pittsburgh's famous Motel 6 Rumpus Room, the event will conclude with my suicide | |
| CLICK ON MY BIG DUMB DICK TO SUBSCRIBE TO MY USELESS NEWSGROUP | |
| @SarahPalinUSA im goig to spit on u im going to throw up i rub my dick allover your toilet web page fuck u fuck u fuck u fuck u fuck u #tcot | |
| please lord my god contact a real life Japanese person so he can help m;e with my scott pilgrim fan translation project. | |
| projects for Q4 2010-- michael cera's face tattooed on top of my regular face | |
| @babywolfpupy MMMMMMMMMM~~~~~~~~~~~~ | |
| westboro baptist church head to the forest to picket the site of a fallen tree | |
| JSUTIN BIEBER COVERED IN TURDS AND PISS AT THE JUGGALO GATHERING FESTIVAL-- WOULD NOT ALLOW HIM TO PERFORM-- OH THIS IS HORIBLE #HELP | |
| im not your real uncle #nightmarerevelations | |
| RT @SenJohnMcCain: Last American combat troops leave Iraq. I think President George W. Bush deserves some credit for victory. | |
| http://fc03.deviantart.net/fs29/i/2008/158/1/1/JOHNNY_KNOXVILLE_HEDGIE_by_skellinghog.jpg | |
| @hambeef Yes | |
| me and Angus69 got rich geneticallly engineering bread with a cucumber. me and Angus69 own a businss together. i love Angus69 | |
| angle of god... calling u | |
| "ah, but you are merely a parasite. and some day this little labyrinth you created will collapse before you find the exit." -animefucker_x10 | |
| RT @truthstampede: who is smarter the Lion or Humans? Lions have survived for ages with nothing, humans we need air condition | |
| @truthstampede please fix your image so The American Flag isn't getting stepped on. Im usmc you fucking worm. | |
| genderless milf`s | |
| rude ass. upgradable to hell ass. upgradable to Satan ass. upgradable to chaos ass. upgradable to マスター (Masutā)-infinity ass | |
| imma misogynistic hopeless romantic whsoe tolerance for mainstream pdf readers can be described as " scant" | |
| the Original bad boys!! the Best, the very greatest. That's right folks, ive got the Whazzup Budweiser Men on board to film 17 short films | |
| yo hollywood! check THIS out! *flops over face forward, lies still, becomes dust over the course of 100 years and is separated by the wind* | |
| "grouse pandy" | |
| feeling down??? http://i.imgur.com/cwgRO.jpg | |
| @beebee880 fox news network (FNN) a nd al-jazeera and bbc2. | |
| http://i4.ytimg.com/bg/gJUGbv5vqAHxfFUry8nbMA/140.jpg?app=bg&v;=4bce40b5 this shall adorn m y fucking tombestone. | |
| RT @DesiParawi: I FEEL SO BAD WHY I MAKE U AS THE MAIN TOPIC AT MY PHYSICS HISTORY PROJECT. i don't think tht u wil get the NOBEL anymor ... | |
| One Million Strong Agsinst God Hateing Diaper Man | |
| get a life. go fuck y ourself. i have a life idiot. help | |
| http://bit.ly/aC0hVF vile footage exhumed from Apache Chief Geronimo's cursed grave | |
| CAN GOD RESPECT GROUND ZERO SO MUCH THAT EVEN HE CANNOT BUILD A MOSQUE ON IT | |
| @PetSmart Question: can rats lick | |
| RT @Loramira: @petsmart bought & did what you told me too. Less than a month later, dead Guinea pig & an upset child. Thanks. | |
| it was just a dream... *notices bed is covered in Pogs and Pog Memorabilia* ..or WAS it? | |
| RT @50cent: I can't reply to all yal lovely ladies but goddamn I'm in heaven looking at ur profiles. I'm jerking off right now. Thank you. | |
| "corky romano: Storie's" a dvd release of short films that focus on ancillary characters of the corky romano universe. sept. 23. msrp $39.99 | |
| join the resistance. mosque_puncher@fartmail.com | |
| DONT LOOK AT M E *pathetically wipes filthy ass with a post it note * TURN AROUND DONT LOOK | |
| BEGRUDGINGLY EXPLAINING THE JERKOFF MANIFESTO TO ANOTHER CONCERNED MEDIA OUTLET | |
| warning: shrek brand cadmium contains shards of broken glass | |
| dog abuse 小狗的悲劇(3D animation) | |
| http://tinyurl.com/38xm9um the blood will set u free | |
| RT @laurenfuster: @dril you look like an old penis! | |
| in order to get to the bottom of the SEXTING craze, goerge stephanopolis takes a shit on a teens chest #NEWmedia #oldmedia #moralfocus | |
| *rides a segway through a monolith labeled Drugs & Alcohol , destroying it.* | |
| RT @atroi1985: @JimCarrey are u going to do an ace ventura pet dectective part three because i know im not the only one that wanna see it | |
| RT @oldgrandman: Obaba is costing this Nation casualties just by waging his tongue It is Johnston all over again | |
| "tomorrow the sun will turn into shit and rain toxic death upon every human" -george carlin cobain nietzsche LXIX | |
| RT @the_ironsheik: Only the Kramer is no good mother fucker | |
| http://www.buttheadcovers.com/tiny-pig.html sombody please buy me this for next years 9/11 | |
| kick birdseed into my neck as i tumble down a muddy staircas e into a pile of fluorescent lightbulsb while 100 tiny shits rolldown my pant | |
| the ONLY way to gain musclemass is to eat tiny lady bugs | |
| Vampire A: Im murdered. My idiot ass has put to be last bullet. Vampire B: In Death we can truely live. Good bye | |
| http://www.utexas.edu/law/calendar/2010/09/28/8909/ | |
| 9/30/10 - CONTENTS OF DIAPER - THE USUAL; SHIT 'N' PISS-- 1 EGG I LAYED | |
| http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tRA5x5g6fo8 | |
| ass life | |
| BEGGING AND PLEADING TO THE JANITOR TO LET ME FUCK HIS DISGUSTING MOP | |
| Welcome to the citadel of eternal wisdom. Behold, this crystal contains the sum of all human knowledge -- Except Rap And Country | |
| taco bell is all too eager to implement fourthmeal BUT has yet to acknowledge Fourthgender. the almighty dollar folks | |
| contaminant fucker | |
| desperately trying to start a conversation at dragoncon by flaunting a timepiece | |
| typically, you can extract aobut 10mg of bone marrow from a single owl pellet. mix with water and pour over nachos for free instant meal | |
| these shitty birdseed husks my canary rejected will make a fine Car | |
| the Iranian parliament holding an assembly to watch the dance scene from Son of the Mask on a poor quality vhs tape and screaming at it | |
| wiccan lawyer | |
| You Look Like The Fuckin Kfc Man #tastefulinsults | |
| is this.. the fabled web 3.0 #fuckingmonstrositysidebar #jesuschrist | |
| having a cocaine.mid ringtone does not make me a bad father. | |
| please, g od. join my movement to build a pure, randian community on top of the pacific garbage patch | |
| did u know its poss. to get harlequin ichthyosis in just ur dick. i do | |
| "sorry sir. we cannot offer support for any non-standard operating systems" http://bit.ly/cyX2L7 | |
| please don't use asterisks to censor words, they look like tiny assholes and make everything worse | |
| milf taxidermist | |
| james bond, your next assignment is to infiltrate the white house and take the Tax's back from obama. please, get the Tax's - | |
| alrigth who shoved a pair of jeans into the chilean miners' airhole and got it stuck. that was a lousy gift | |
| im a Fuckhead media specialist who wants to know 1 thing... WHAT makes twitter.com 'tick' | |
| enough. i know you're all excited about your Mr Cool Ice 2010 calendars but do NOT post anymore spoilers aobut november and december | |
| knuckles mashed into my ass cheeks at all timse. new media singularity or what have you | |
| under the influence of my toilet | |
| simpsons Kurdish | |
| im in jail for desecrating a toilet. the aclu is racist against white people | |
| the last chilean miner emerges with two armfuls of coal, making all 32 of his colleagues look like Ass Holes | |
| http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OdAcvnmuvAQ | |
| http://i.imgur.com/pITDW.jpg | |
| THE SUN THE MOON AND THE STARS ARE ALL TOO SMUG FOR MY LIKING | |
| @babywolfpupy i cant find it sory | |
| legalize my stench | |
| Your search - diapertarian - did not match any documents. #maybenexttime | |
| please check etsy.com for more Hell Charms made from my own inner ear bones and crystallized vomit before i get IP banned agan | |
| EVERY POINT VALID AND INDISPUTABLE, perfect diction and posture, my flawless TED talk about snake vore silences thte trolls once and for all | |
| just inherited about 200 crude dog statues my grandma sculpted to scare Angels away from her propertyl, | |
| faerie blogs, faerie blogs, faerie blogs... | |
| http://bit.ly/9lcuCA WRANGLER UNVEILS ILLEGAL NEW AD CAMPAIGN | |
| @bug_deal hes the second thing. a bad person | |
| @buckethole Your Bad | |
| can i get a twiter verified account. im the guy on hgwy 23 who holds up the ad for that furniture store that went out of business 6 times | |
| still waiting on that twitter verified status. i swear to god i am the real DJ Darkzide (the onyl vampire dj) | |
| @Neil_Hamburger I will no longer sit idly by while you badmouth the @AXE corporation, the purveyors of Ecuador's finest wild hog poison | |
| i proudly capitalize the word Indie | |
| justin beieber u SUX and your getting wrinkley old and gross. your a wreck and trash. fucking pig. fucking worm. hell is real #bieber | |
| where do girls live | |
| does any 1 know the hebrew translation for "dubstep" #tattoo | |
| agent scully found me freezing to death at the mountaintop. "drink of my breastmilk, it's the only way youll live" she cries, and i say "ok" | |
| oops wrong accou5,nt | |
| my last two post were virus, disregard thm | |
| @glennbeck i am a real wiccan libertarian and thank you. thank you. my premature daughter got brandamage because of obamas help care taxs | |
| exciting business venture: "toitoos" decorat your toilet with a variety of stock images. its a toilet tattoo. toitoo | |
| THE MASTER: LETS SEE U DO SOME SICK PARKOUR OFF OF... THIS!! *REVEALS ENORMOUS BANANA PEEL* | |
| us governmnet kidnaps swazi rape orphans and forces them to watch the sad dog episode of futurama while monitoring their vital signs for $ | |
| tto the fucker who donated me a heart. im glad youre dead | |
| Download free Pig Hitler theme for Nokia N70 | |
| IVE TAKEN TO MIXING JENKUM METH IN MY BATHTUB IN ORDER TOE ARN THE MERE PENNIES NECESSARY FOR PROLONGING MY GODFORSAKEN TOILET LIFE | |
| i will also ritualistically remove The Taint Of Sin from any stolen good you bring to my office (a plastic dog igloo) | |
| do they make those cones that dogs wear after surgery for people? ?? i need to stop spitting on my dick | |
| seeking a pisswife. i will do anythoing for a pisswife. | |
| @Neil_Hamburger http://i.imgur.com/maYRE.jpg #axecrimes | |
| ௵_௵ DOes Any One Want Neck Vids | |
| @Neil_Hamburger oops..! #AXEStench #goddamnitall | |
| RT @beebee880: im glad there banning #fourloko i got sick punking up blood for real only had 2 | |
| POSTING FROM THE ANNUAL MORRISTOWN CHARITY TEEN MELT, OH IT'S JUST HORRIBLE, AWFUL (FOR A GOOD CAUSE THOUGH) | |
| confiscate my spine | |
| im bored. lets end rape. put a blue ribbon or something on your avatar if you want to end rape i guess | |
| i'm sorry but can you please remove the pig display at the zoo. nobody comes to the zoo to see pigs. what the fuck is wrong with you. | |
| Gravity (グラビデ, Gurabide), also known as Demi, is a recurring Gravity-elemental spell from the series. #prayfordemi | |
| pray for gurabide. | |
| http://i.imgur.com/cVoFs.jpg | |
| RT @obamma: iam a network marcketer,i love making friend and i love give out to peaple,this is the way of life and i care about other p ... | |
| http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-fcShqK46k&feature;=related help full. | |
| to all my mafuken clownz: blessed be | |
| my grandfathers last words on death bed "VEGAN STRAIGHT EDDGGGEEE" and then the entire hospital shook and he got better | |
| RT @lindsaylohan: Regrettably, I did in fact fail my most recent drug test and if I am asked, I am prepared to appear before judge Fox n ... | |
| hgeuhkl i am a 300-pound producer / jurnalist my hobbies include car & beard maintenance also i know photoshop and my name is Miami | |
| i only allow ppl to contact me by artful magazine clippign collages sent in insured fedex packages or by my xbox tag "dirty_shirt_iddiot5" | |
| bow to your new denim god | |
| GIVE IT TO ME STRAIGHT DOC-- WILL THIS COMMON TUBERCULOSIS VACCINE GIVE ME THE GOOD AUTISM OR THE BAD AUTISM??? | |
| i am legally required b y the state of wyoming to tell all of you that i was caught fucking urinal cakes. i am a urinal cake fucker | |
| @radiometricx culture war 666 | |
| @kfc_colonel i made a pipe vid dedicated to you http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4PHPtrAKMeU&feature;=sub | |
| jamie kennedy WILL be waterboarded at the spike tv VGAs in order to prove once and for all that it isnt torture and that iraqis are pu$$ys | |
| us military strikes deal with PepsiCo to waterboard all terror suspects with Mt Dew??? wish i had some of that Free Dew. who is john galt | |
| my christ. i am invigorated. using my new official old spice dr.pepper halo 3 exfoliating forehead wax. this is God. this feeling is God | |
| today's garfield was much funnier when i read it the second time. thru the scope of my DPMS panther .308 semi-automatic rifle. #veteransday | |
| disrespecting our soldiers is TREASON !!!!!!!!!! see u in hell u son of a bitch. *kicks orange cat effigy* #veteransday | |
| @Lukes_WordSalad HELL IS THE LOOK IN YOUR BUDDYS EYES WHEN HES BLEDDING TO DEATH IN A GOD FORESAKEN JUNGLE!! HELL IS NO LIE; IVE BEEN THERE | |
| RT @kingsthings: A man has been charged with threatening to kill, kidnap or inflict bodily harm on former President George W. Bush | |
| @Lukes_WordSalad god is real. fuck garfield | |
| "tweeting for literacy" is like farting against pollution | |
| RT @Fred_Durst: Watching funny videos on youtube | |
| NEED CATCHY T-SHIRT SLOGAN FOR AIDS-THEIST CLUB, SOMETHING LIKE "POSITIVELY RATIONAL" OR "AT LEAST IM IMMUNE TO CONFIRMATION BIAS" #twiter | |
| I Have A Life, Fucker. *Drives away in tiny car powered by my ow n shit and piss* | |
| utterly dejected by the fact that my favorite romance novelist is just a Trident marketing strategist shilling mint gum to teens #ArtDeath | |
| utterly romanced by the gum that my favorite marketing teen is just strategically shilling to mint dejection #DeathArt | |
| utterely Trident hlruh bl mint lies and filth novel of marketing gum hurhf ghfh ghuhlck #AeathDrt | |
| @AGentleBrees I Will Post Muhamad Drawing To SlashDot Every Five Seconds Until Allah Grants Me Ice Cold Mint Breath To Exhale In Girls Faces | |
| @hambeef Trey Magnifique #sorry #imsorry | |
| IS IT TRUE THAT THE TSA WILL TOUCH MY DICK FOR FREE AT LITERALLY ANY AIR LINE | |
| a new face steps into a rowdy roadside bar somewehre along Interstate 22.. back of his leather jacket says "Trickle Down Economics Are Real" | |
| TRYING TO RECONCILE MY STAUNCHLY SELF-DEPENDENT SMALL GOVERNMENT BELIEFS WITH MY CONSTANT NEED FOR DIAPER CHANGES | |
| The New Ironic™ | |
| RT @Aurrry: #thingsthatshouldbeoutofstyle Aids | |
| Mr Deeds Gay Download - What You Want, When You Want It | |
| @vwvalaqayxlxo is your name realy "tatum yazzie" or was that procedurally generated using some ancient mayan timeshare marketing algorithm | |
| @timeshare2010 oh good another one of you fucking monstsrs has come to shit on me | |
| .@SouthwestAir GAVE U JOKERS $9990 1ST CLASS ROUND TRIP AND UR LOUSY TAXPAYER FUNDED TSA AGENT HAND JOB HAS LEFT ME BLISTERED & UNDESIRABLE | |
| @CarlsJr the BE community thanks u. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-AUz8bhwmo | |
| the words Paul Blart 2 appear on screen. the black eyed peas begin singing "Let's Get Paul Blarted In Here" as the mall cop bumbles around | |
| im pretty sure that when we find out how to get in the 4th dimension there will be like 8 diferent genders to choose from | |
| @wikileaks can u wiki leak some ke$ha nudes | |
| my hell life http://aiipul-helllife.blogspot.com/ | |
| Your search - "cal ripken's tears" - did not match any documents. | |
| world aids. also known as Humanity. *eyebrows contort bizarrely as i attempt a haughty facial expression until the commotion makes me vomit* | |
| #why90srocked everyothing was more real. everythig more visceral. a more 'human' experience. i was also 200 pounds less fat | |
| @GriseldaHornick i dont want to be a member of this shit earth. | |
| setting up your own yahoo account is easy! you just click here, and he.. oh no. i just sent 60,000 pictures of my ass to my boss's daughter | |
| one t wo three four i declare a Gender War | |
| once inside the Visitor base i stood before their marvelous spacecraft and covered it with my piss. my god. my god. my god #VANGUARDSOF2012 | |
| a bumblebee shit on my arm and it hurts | |
| RT @SarahPalinUSA: Happy Hanukkah! Rebelling against oppressors, enduring great threats=Jewish community encourages perseverance &belief; ... | |
| we honor u | |
| icant come to work today.. on account of JERRY DUTY *SHoves every seinfeld disk into dvd player at once* | |
| RT @hellooooonewman: @dril This thing is like an onion: the more layers you peel, the more it stinks! | |
| RT @beebee880: is it true that the end of world is coming may 21 2011 | |
| sonic team has j ust dropped support for wikileaks. unbelievable. *spikes sega dreamcast itno the ocean, catalyzing a deadly tsunami* | |
| i am a Doctor and a Lawyer who will teach u how to seduce women with rap music. my name... is not important. | |
| *drops Dunston Checks In on Laserdisc on the roulette table * king me | |
| I CRY INTO THE TOILET BECAUSE ITS WHERE MY WORTHLESS TEARS BELONG #LIFEHACK | |
| "what say we up the ante." i said, as i threw a ball of dead ants at the prime minister | |
| santa opens the door, says "happy birthday", rummages through your potpourri bowl for no reason, leaves without giving you any presents | |
| please banky. if youre out there reading this i need you to graffiti a chode with balls on my shop teacher's station wagon | |
| for your next art exhibition or whatever. | |
| im banky. | |
| RT @Jus_Jack_Me_Off: Blow bubbles while u suckin my dick #twitterafterdarkk | |
| RT @JoseCanseco: I am and will always be just simply a basball player,my tomb stone will just say. Baseball. | |
| My Dad's Friend Craig went to his favorite bowling alley and laid flat across lane no. 6. he chose to die there. | |
| RT @EpicYoak: Finally watched the VGAs. Good stuff. Except the sex jokes. Could of done without that | |
| @EpicYoak YOUR LIVE IS A SEX JOKE, GAMING OWNS , THE VGAS ARE FAKE, GOD IS IN HELL , OLIVIA MUNN GET ` S FUCKED BY ME, UNCHARTED 3 SUCK | |
| watching the inbetween comedy bits on vgas i sat and pondered.. wow this Shit is good enough to be on SNL.. the big league | |
| @EpicYoak ya | |
| dirty jobs man tcame to my house today with camera crew and a bunch of diapers. i said no | |
| RT @LilNarutoGirl: #inhighschool, their is a lot of drama | |
| racist against autistic | |
| If God Was In Hell We Would All Be Dead. | |
| i want all every girl on twitter to take the pH level of here pussy and send it to me via private email | |
| 4.6?? Oh Your One Nastey Bitch | |
| no more. im done. stop sending me your disgusting pH levels. u whores are far too vile for my consideration. go date s ome muscle loser | |
| "im not autistic. just my dick and sex drive is. im 100% a regular person other wise." | |
| droid is filth. govt trick to ID and persecute civilians for $. real ID is 666 - thow all micro chips into the trash can. piss #IWantADroid | |
| im an amputated shit lord hairspray addict. ask me anything | |
| bug + dirt = me | |
| production of beetle bailey 3d the movie has been CANCELED due to "small fires, sandstorms, lack of interest" | |
| when twitter forces me to use the new layout i will retaliate iwth a deluge of horrid/disgusting diaper jokes and messages. my final warnig | |
| The Latest Upsetting Concoction From @NestleUSA http://bit.ly/eyNPjR | |
| consolidate your shit into a large mound until its visible from Google Earth, then sue google for putting pictures of your shit online #Rich | |
| if evolution is real, then wh y am i cutting my own hand off | |
| My CartMan Tattoo? Still Sick As Fuck. I'm Just Wearing A Turtleneck Sweater Because It's Cold | |
| surfs up! *lies face down in a kiddy pool until death* | |
| RT @glennbeck: Just left Tangled.THIS IS THE BEST DISNEY ANIMATED FILM. Hard to say ever, but it is. I am a Disneyphile and a harsh cri ... | |
| RT @_b00kiE: Just went to cheesecake factory to get a virgen daccurri with @Shug_RichLife | |
| just tried to search twitter for "im a virgen" but i posted it instead, then frantically deleted it #thiswickedwebweweave #misery #Pride | |
| Interests & Hobbies: horny Books & Magazines: sex book's | |
| A wieght gain tribute to Princess Daisy | |
| 2011 YEAR OF THE ASIAN WOMAN CHALLENGE: SUFFER A GENUINE PANIC ATTACK IN EVERY CRACKER BARREL RESTAURANT ACROSS THIS USA NATion | |
| garth eats too much lettuce #fakeinsidejokes | |
| wow how about instead of spitting that moutwash down the drain you spit it on your chest and rub it allover your self #TimesRunningOut | |
| im going to go draw santa hiring a gay elf and stamp "Dont Ask Dont Tel" all over it and sell it to The New Yorker for $100o0. bye | |
| #ihavenorespect for the military (murdertary) #ihavenorespect for whores(girls) #ihavenorespect for rappers #ihavenorespect for 666 | |
| these moon posts have got to go!!! *spraypaints "Bad Eclipse" on some desert boulder miles away from humanity and dies of dehydration* | |
| @AGentleBrees time to kill the Fucker joking about me falling *shoots web, misses,ragdolls down the side of a skyscraper for like 6 minutes* | |
| @prohustlers sorry im deaf | |
| what i'm saying is that the world's smallest dick could probably fit inside the world's largest dick hole rather comfortably | |
| @bicpens how about making pens that dont explode for once. a $2000 suit ruined. Thank u | |
| #secretturnon pointing to a picture of Grimace at mcdonalds and asking the cashier "Who Is That Awful Purple Man?" | |
| #2011predictions theoretical physicists will rejoice when high-speed particle collisions finally produce measurable evidence of My Smal Dick | |
| 𝔹𝔸𝔹𝕐 𝔸𝕡𝕡𝕠𝕚𝕟𝕥𝕖𝕕 𝔸𝕤 𝔽𝕖𝕕𝕖𝕣𝕒𝕝 𝕁𝕦𝕕𝕘𝕖 ⁜ 𝔸 𝕄𝕚𝕣𝕒𝕔𝕝𝕖 ⁜ 𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕃𝕠𝕣𝕕 𝕀𝕤 𝕄𝕪𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕣𝕚𝕠𝕦𝕤 | |
| to anyone who has ever had sex ,i forgive you. i am the simpsons, bitch | |
| i am the simpsons, all of them. yes. turn off the cameras this interview is ove | |
| Man said he could see into the future and told a Japanese tourist she would die if they did not have sex on a "sacred site",a court was told | |
| just found out my favorite author is ugly #KillingMySelf | |
| Disgusting Pear Man Fucks His Hideous Orange Wife -- Read More: Reuters.com | |
| my father got sick of wegmans constantly running out of reddi-wip so he started a militia. guess i gotta join his shitty militia now | |
| GEnder?? i barely know her! *cuts off dick&* | |
| put an egg in ur mouth before the dentist, then when he opens ur mouth he cant mess with your teeth cause there's an egg there. #lifehaclk?? | |
| yes, dad, ive heard of simpsons porn. | |
| http://tubedubber.com/#8jBEEtoPzS8:mfZN5YDRNN4:0:100:0:10:true | |
| i WILL supply you with the TOP Stapler Mods - "Hideous, Impractical, Waste Of Money" - These Are The Death Knells Of Our Cultural Parasites | |
| Fuck Up The Office With A Real Leather Alligator Stapler, Shatter THe Establishment - "I Believe We have Your stapler." - StaplerMods.com | |
| "hey bob, why does your stapler have a live goldfish inside of it??" Oh this? this is a Stapler Mod only The New Rich have access to.Get out | |
| http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Are_snakes_real | |
| @DrOz please help me. i have a phycological desire to amputate my legs. please provide me with resources as im at the end of my rope | |
| @DrOz love your show | |
| please Gustin, if youre out there, send me the rest of your Gothic Emblem Concepts for our Hell Van Project. It's been 8 months, Gustin | |
| who will kiss m e when im dead | |
| welcome to a world where you can have sex with peoples wifes. this iws wife sex world | |
| @BuffyOwen im garbage. im 9/11 | |
| @BuffyOwen no, im white | |
| i dont know if i'm wearing it wrong or what but this Thick Load Bracelet is not making my loads thick. | |
| let me slip into something more comfrotable *dives between the sofa cushions and disappears* | |
| year 2160 - the huggies corporation pays the united states govt 4 quadrillion dollars to suppress socialized sewage treatment | |
| @AGentleBrees If a snake eats an animal w/ mammary glands its eating milk idiot. i recognize u from the snake forums, I see ur still a troll | |
| @DrOz nevermind. ive made the decision to amputate my legs, i found a man on angie's list. thanks any way. | |
| the lord descends from the heavens and personally hands a starving african child the vrsn of Huckleberry Finn with the word nigger taken out | |
| for $0.39 extra the burger king man will write "yu-gi-oh" on your hamburger in magic marker | |
| FOR GOD SO LOVED THE WORLD THAT HE KILLED IT THEN KILLED HIMSELF | |
| 50 Year Old Man Tracks Down 12 Year Old Cyberbully And Kills Him With Whip "...And That's The Last Neopets Funeral U Will Ever Interrupt" | |
| "There is no known cure for dog autism." - vetinfo.com | |
| melt thtis shit earth. melt this shit earth and start over. except for me and everyone in my necklace makeing club | |
| Remove Tongue From Your Mouth Using Ancient Weird Ass Factoid That A Mom Did | |
| #quotethatmovie "it's people. soylent people is made out of people" | |
| @JarredPeaches for hte win. Mostly. | |
| 1) All Sex Is Rape -- 2) Sex Is A Synonym Of Gender -- 3) There Fore Gender Is Unequivocally Rape -- 4) Set & Match , Gendertards. | |
| 2012 ready???? Hm Lets See *opens uhaul truck full of diapers which proceed to spill all over the dairy queen parking lot* | |
| *rotates earth 13 degrees* WHich zodiac sign are u now?? *rotates earth 27 degrees* NOW what one are u?? *rotates earth 2 degre* Fucker | |
| dismal reception f or Little Fockers raises 1 important question: What can you and I do to keep The "Fockers" Brand sizzling into 2011?? | |
| ragnarök filipino | |
| South Korea's 1 Million Buried Pigs Create Thriving Underground Society; Seek Unification With Hostile Surface Pigs | |
| @AGentleBrees Hello Im A Potential Employer Who Hacked Into Your Locked Tweits And Was Put Off By Your Unorthodox Gender Diatribes; Fuck You | |
| @Breterbie With Pigs | |
| "THE STUPIDS 2 WITH TOM ARNOLD . TORRENT " IS NOT A REAL MOVIE, IT IS A WORM VIRUS, PLEASE DO NOT DOWN LOAD THIS FILE AS IT IS HARMFUL | |
| RT @HulkHogan4Real: WE e | |
| RECENTLY GOT INTO MEDITATION; SOME REAL DEEP SHIT; KEEP "THE VIEW" ON DURING SO I CAN ENHANCE MIND AS WELL AS BODY | |
| worst corn maze in usa has to be "The Cornundrum" in Melvin,OH; the corn seems brown or sickly, hand stamp wont wash off, stray dogs roaming | |
| "POWER BIEBER" - my final words on death bed | |
| obelisk rises from the volcano - what sorcery is this ??!! carved along its side are the words "POWER BIEBER"; 1600 birds myteriously die | |
| and to you, in his will, your great uncle leaves y ou his most treasured possession, the very "POWER BIEBER" that caused his death | |
| @woodmuffin Citizen Kane Except Every Instance Of "Rosebud" Is Replaced By "POWER BIEBER" | |
| @meganphelps i agrree with all that stuff you say about god and dead people. please let me cool the fire in your heart with sexuel pleasure | |
| lookin for some crazey motherfuckas to do a mind meld with, literally a combination of minds, double brain. we will be the most powerful man | |
| gaining 400 pounds so i can tattoo the entire quran onto my disgusitng body | |
| im prety random *files tax return with a green pen* | |
| that guy who makes all the ffuuu comics must have a milion dollars by now, mean while i live in a gutted bureau | |
| BREAKING: Man builds awesome face out of legos and is given key to governors mansion; while Shit Head Me eats moths in an abandoned hospital | |
| No real-time results for "teh economy" | |
| be careful on the web. i just found iout my girlfriend of 12 years is a bag clip | |
| @bicinkpens shit pens. no good | |
| @birdo i hate u birdo | |
| RT @GoofusGallant: @the_ironsheik the goofus is no good no dick no balls mother fucker. The gallant is intelligent jew he respect the le ... | |
| wwow. howd that happen. i honestly dont know how a bunch of pics of shirtless men got on my resume and youd probably be a shitty boss anyway | |
| animals can have spirit animals too. | |
| my spirit animal is t he lowly paramecium, cosmic punishment for killing a paramecium in my past life | |
| congressman introduces "Young Folks Should Call Grandpa More Often" bill, farts, dies, is replaced by his 70 year old son | |
| yorure telling me i can wrench even more precious, ego-soothing pity from my online associates if i move to a 3rd world nation?? "ROAD TRIp" | |
| Too Fat For College | |
| "I THOUGHT YOU SAID STATE OF THE ONION" - obbama holding onion at state of the union address | |
| AGE 20: WHY WONT ANYONE FUCK ME // AGE 40: WHY WONT ANYONE LOVE ME // AGE 60: WHY WONT ANYONE KILL ME // AGE 80: WHY WONT ANYONE FUCK ME | |
| you see that big puddle of piss i made. loock closely. that miniscule speck in there is my brain. please scoop it up for me and call 911 | |
| al gore conference on global warming..canceled by SNOW!! "Guh, BLugh Durr" says the dumb man, while he pees into his comically large diaper | |
| sen Dick Durbin holds press conference telling people to stop making fun of his name, farts on tv, is then forever known as "Fart Durbin" | |
| no you listen to me, Fucker, i need "Steppenwolf" carved into THE BLADE, not the handle-- please hold my father is crying | |
| @munckytown What Is Ur Take On The Teen Slavery Problem In America #AllTeensAreSlaves #TeenIsTheNewBlack | |
| the wolf represents chaos. the eagle represents order. knuckles the echidna represents myself #tatchat | |
| Good News : Weve Located The Cure For Aids // Bad News : It's Written In The Bible!!! Ew Gross | |
| ah ye,s its nigh time that the Lexus has attained Trending Topic status, there is no Finer car, "This Is Exceptional", Lexus. The car, Lexus | |
| @howiemmandel i think my wife is leaving me howie | |
| @howiemmandel love Howie Do It | |
| "KOI POND BONANZA" IN PITTTSBURGH?? THE SUPPOSED NUMBER ONE KOI POND SUPPLIER IN ALL OF PITTSBURGH, PA?? HARDLY A BONANZA | |
| http://i.imgur.com/aJISN.jpg God Is Real | |
| how dose it feel to be puppets in my numerology experiment *my true form emerges, a 3d skull wrapped in tinfoil , shooting green flames* | |
| @Leiigghh i can send you one rat | |
| welp, time to rescue egypt from muslims. asomebody please carry all 900 pounds of me to the site of the protests. wait nevermind im good | |
| me and DigimonOtis suppot the government of Egypt, and detest the ape like protesters and their Campaign Of Fear. #jan25 | |
| "I believe the Egyptian people have no reason to replace their rightly instated leader with some sort of primitive pyramid god." DigimonOtis | |
| @v3_LiciOuSvivi egypt is literally dying and all you can think about is the day your annual gift is shit into your lap you shit pig #jan25 | |
| @Demi_CyrusXOXO the great pyramids are being bombed into rubble by mubarak's thugs you dollop of lizard shit. fuck your birthday #jan25 | |
| @WhoseOnMyLine an egyptian baby is being shoved into the sphinx with a battering ram and doesnt give a fuck about your awful birthday #jan25 | |
| @matthewjbruner the nile river is red with blood and your fucking birthday present won't cleanse it. perspective, you fucking rat #jan25 | |
| @_erikacane when christ rains judgement on the world he will remember you talking about your birthday while egyptians fell to sniper fire | |
| RT @v3_LiciOuSvivi: @dril ┌∩┐(◣_◢)┌∩┐ WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU??? FUCKIN ASSHOLEEE .. GET A LIFE IDIOT | |
| @BrittanyKeller #jan25 is far more significant than yourself. i bet you dressed up like a clown on 9/11 and shit on people | |
| @JDBieberrholic policemen have barricaded all egyptian hospitals and are refusing the sick and injured. theres your fucking birthday present | |
| @ayoo_tuFRESH your father would be so proud of you. exploiting a tragedy for the sake of your own miserable ego #jan25 #fuckyou | |
| @ClaudChaberski HMM WHATS MORE IMPORTANT, EGYPTS POPULIST REVOLUTION OR THE DAY ON WHICH YOUR PARENTS GAVE BIRTH TO A HORSE MONSTER #jan25 | |
| @FlYkiDdFRESh #jan25 also happens to be the biblically foretold fall of the middle east you fucking waste of kidneys | |
| @HeyLaurenKay because 100000 protesters were murdered in cold blood in the birthplace of civilization you ungrateful dipshit #jan25 | |
| @AlyssaMMichelle because the entire country of egypr is burning. if DigimonOtis were here right now hed spit in your fucking face. #jan25 | |
| @LaycesMusic bday cake is the once proud land of Egypt. the candles? human beings in flames, dying for the very freedom you take for granted | |
| @Omarsito_N oh sorry. I was browsing the #jan25 tag for information regarding important human rights developments you shit stain pig man | |
| @Omarsito_N way to capitalize cunt,. u must have some real deep seeded gender issues #Peeeeyuuuu | |
| @FlYkiDdFRESh i charge ppl $10 for my real pic and split the money with DigimonOtis. all my pics are protected under creative commons (cc) | |
| eating baby food. baby food for adults. adult baby food. i eat baby food. eat baby food as an adult. tricks to eating baby food as an adult. | |
| EGYPTIAN PROTESTERS AIRDROPPED 100000 COPIES OF "NOW THATS WHAT I CALL MUSIC VOLUME 7"... THE SINGLE GREATEST NTWICM ALBUM OF ALL TIME | |
| #ThingsWeAllHate pornos and sex | |
| #QuestionsIDontLike muslim | |
| Sponsor Wanted: Basically U Would Pay Me to eat Dogfood and i go "Its So Good Even Humans Can Eat It" or just fucking ignore me until i die | |
| Utility Belt Contains (At All Times) Raw Vegan Oxygen Pills, Raw Vegan Skin Bronzer, Boomerang And Bic Lighter (Fire Boomerang) , Four Guns | |
| im honeslty inquiring as to why im discouraged against printing my business card on basketballs and 2hand passing them to potential clients? | |
| Porn is a constant reminder of how inadequate I am (self.AskReddit) | |
| the only Pro-Israel carpet cleaning service in the tri-county area | |
| RT @VanessaHikaru: Time de merda Ffffffuuuuu | |
| RT @NewYorkPost: Small Bahamas island inhabited by seven pigs http://t.co/S1tUEth | |
| @JoseCanseco please beat me to death with the softball bat juiced. i want to experience the legal 600 ft long ball across my fucking skull | |
| @wolfpupy anything 1st gen. | |
| hm whats this? dropped a copy of my 263-page memoir "All Bi Myself" on the florr of this trendy teen cafe. dont have time to pick it up. l8r | |
| Your search - pugmom666 - did not match any documents. | |
| @holidayinn My pop pop was diapered against his will at one of your Colorado locations. Please help me find the man who did this | |
| im the model that the Bobs Big Boy Big Boy Restaurant Man is based on. They forgot to pay me #worstpickuplines | |
| weverything i say is blocked out by falcons screaming until i die of a coughing fit #worstpickuplines | |
| Think uve seen True 4G Wireless ?? Think again. *READS STAGE INSTRUCTIONS BETWEEN ASTERISKS INSTEAD OF PERFORMING THEM* #worstpickuplines | |
| the dickwolfs controversey. Go #worstpickuplines | |
| lets see if that Awful Groundhog can predict six weeks of Electro House blaring directly into its shity cage | |
| dog food + baby food = protein shake #OnTheGo | |
| need someone in or around geigertown, philadelphia to help me dispose of approx 7500 live guinea pigs. i can not pay you, i will not pay you | |
| the year is 2041 and im still using an older version of twitter that won't be around for much longer | |
| I REALIZE MUSTACHE69@FIANANCE.BIZ MAY NOT BE THE MOST PROFESSIONAL EMAL BUT IVE GROWN SINCE I CHOSE IT AND WOULD STILL LIKE TO BE YOUR LAWER | |
| @Oprah Please Help Me, A Shaman Told Me My Future Daughter Will Be Born Autistic, I Simply Cannot Afford This In My Life, Oprah Please Help | |
| @DrPhil I Want Help, A Dark Shaman Told Me My Daughter Will Be Born Autistic, Though He Might Have Been A Demon, Or Fake; Pool Resources | |
| @QdobaMexGrill I Want To Know How I Can Prevent My Unborn Daughter From Autism Despite A Shaman Predicting It, Help Me Qdoba Mex Grill | |
| @WALGREENS A Bone Wearing Man, Likely A Shaman, Comming To Me And Saying My Daughter Will Be Born Autistic, How Can I Fix This ( 2012?) | |
| @kfc_colonel Kfc, My Final Hope, Please Help Me Make My Future Daughter Unautistic, Shamans Curse, Wearing Bones (These Aint Chicken Bones) | |
| on this day in history, alan turing invented the Gay Computer. one day later, preisdnet bill clinton fucked it. #demandaljazeera #hell | |
| http://tinyurl.com/4mtlzdt thuis is my dick, i am posting this to come to terms with my self, this is therapeutic and good for me. #courage | |
| RT @megrobz: i should just go fuck myself, cause apparently i'm a piece of shit in everyones book. | |
| MY SHIT IS IN SHAMBLES, MY DICK IS IN DISARRAY, MY ASS IS ASUNDER, MY BALLS ARE BALLISTIC, MY CUM IS CONFOUNDED, MY PISS IS PITIFUL | |
| but my teeth are sparkling clean | |
| RT @beebee880: watch the super bowl at 3 piffic 6 estern i think its on fox cool | |
| @hambeef bbeats the shit out of you. silently begins pummeling y ou as you surrender and accept your punishment. not a word is spoken | |
| http://tinyurl.com/4smf73p Gun World | |
| Imagine. A world where guns come out of the ground like plants. And all the water is replaced by Bullet's. This is Gun World. It's real | |
| CANT WAIT TO SEE THE LOOK ON MOM & DADS FACE WHEN I GET THE BOOT CAMP THEY SENT ME TO SHUT DOWN FOR DIAPER DISCRIMINATION | |
| @CampbellSoupCo i opened up a can of cambell soup beefy raviolis and it was just slush. im sorry big coustumer here, but i couldnt eat that | |
| scenario: the air and space museum drops Space and becomes the Air and Spade museum, devoting large sections to David Spade and his comedies | |
| gypsy denim | |
| hm lets see.. *Logs On To Dark Net* bomb recipes... voyeur upskirt.. snuff vids..DILBERT?? WHo thef fuck put dilbert on dark net | |
| @tylerperry still shilling your vile shows w/o apologizing for your comments on GM food which have cost hundreds of lives.? #nsn3d #SickFuck | |
| TYLER PERRY ----------> MONSANTO <----------- 666 | |
| The Credits Roll At Justin Bieber 3D And My Body Chooses To Fuse 3D Shades To My Brain Forever; No Turning Back & Life Is Good, Thank Ya | |
| tips for photographing your own vomit From A Mom-- lighting, etc | |
| what my organization does is take fatsuits from obnoxious PG-13 comedies and donate them to the needy | |
| do NOT go to "ZiggyMania" at the Tehran Hilton; only two or three ziggy booths set up; one of them tries to sell u fabrics you dont need | |
| dictionary.com defines the word "Mania" as "excessive excitement or enthusiasm; craze:". "Ziggy Mania" offered none of these things t o me. | |
| jesus christ there's a band named ziggy mania | |
| RT @beebee880: if you like @cnnbrk follow me | |
| am a network marcketer and a mlm,and i love making friend and allso i care about other as well.i need some1 who have this same thing with me | |
| youtube.com sends albanian govnt. $70 for dancing dog vido. albania best country. fuck all othter dancing dog video #ubertwitter | |
| some body please make the watson robot play halo. | |
| chiropracty is real and it works on swords also. | |
| six years ago today george washington carver invented a penut #MyBlackHistory #YourBlackHistory | |
| Mohammad Muhamad, King Of Islam, Cahugt Counterfeiting Some Cool Dunham Specials On 3D Bluray; Sentenced To Be Hung By The Penuis Until Dead | |
| SOME ASS HOLE ATE MY TONGUE AND REPLACED IT WITH HIM SELF AND IS EATING EVERYTHING I TRY TO EAT | |
| ugh.. my husband never puts the toilet lid back down. *Closes Lid,; Takes Huge Piss On Top Of It* | |
| my name is not "Wierd Dick Man ", so please stop writeing it on my tent. | |
| SLOWLY LOWERS JEANSED ASS INTO A WOODEN BOWL FULL OF EXOTIC MEDITERRANEAN OILS AND REDROSE PETALS; AH THIS IS JUST TOO GOOD FOR LOWERCASE | |
| my résumé; page 1 ; "IM A JEANS MAN FIRST AND FOREMOST" in 42pt. rosewood font. page 2 is the bible | |
| my 14beautiful geisha brides work together to change my preposterous 300 pound diaper. #mtvcribs | |
| @CampbellSoupCo Mmm Nope!! Your bad | |
| @Cheesecake one of ur waiters kicked me out of my chair and into an interracial family's table and burned my dick off with a cigarette. thnx | |
| i have ptsd from the time i brorke a chair at pop eyes chicken with my ass, and i am unemployable because of this. #smalljoys | |
| any 1 want to look at pictures of owls with me write the word Hoot on a bottle mesage & toss it in the frog pond | |
| to stand nude before a group of middle aged italian mob bosses and have them obnoxiously berate your dick while smoking cigars | |
| the clown nose on my dick is there because im more susceptible to infection since my wii bowling accident, iddiot. no more hateful messages | |
| RT @GamesEbooks: Extreme Leveling is NOT about using bots, exploits, hacks or cheats I am a real gamer. I do things the right way, and ... | |
| Tweetmix.me http://t.co/R2XQ3b9 via @tweetmixme | |
| GOURP OF TEEN GIRLS RESURRECT DALE EARNHARDT IN SLEEPOVER DARE, EARNHARDT RUNS FROM THE PREMISES NUDE, COVERED IN ECTOPLASM, YET TO BE FOUND | |
| /~-_,♠-|.RAT.|-♠,_-~\ /~-_,♠-|.POPE.|-♠,_-~\ #tigerblood | |
| My News Years Resolutions Is To Take My Dana Carvey Impersonations To The Next Leveal. (Pro Circuit Anyone? We're In Talks) | |
| TO AVOID SCARING OR OFFENDING CHILDREN WE'VE TAKEN ANNE FRANK'S DIARY AND REPLACED EVERY INSTANCE OF THE WORD "NAZI" WITH "POLICE MAN" | |
| an old man wheezes into a ragged cloth; Bam looks into camera, says "Woah, glad im not That cloth!" thne does a Bogus airspin into the trash | |
| people who think dolphins are real = shit | |
| http://i.imgur.com/7urrd.jpg basically just search "earthquack" | |
| RT @DeveyDev: Fugg This Earthquack Shit My Dude Let's Talk Bout Ass and Tittes and Hoe and What Not | |
| turn all the food on earth into wolf urine #waystopissoffafatperson | |
| kick their pets and cars #waystopissoffafatperson | |
| can 1000000 irate south korean pigs buried alive after a foot and mouth outbreak possibly join forces and cause an 8.9 eartquake??? #yes | |
| attn: Fucker who posted False R.I.P. to Cedric The Entertainer; i haeve just received my good shooter degree from gun college. that is all | |
| RT @aroonareejhsing: i thank my Lord above for giving me so many,many beautifl tweeters who respond to my tweets May God bless all of u ... | |
| BMEZINE, U WILL FEATURE MY PIC AT ONCE. IM THE MAN WITH JETHTO TULL WRITEN ON CHEST IN PERM. MARKER #NotEntitledToTheSweatOfMyBrow | |
| @roscow it's the most spiritual of all energy's. | |
| @roscow im sorry | |
| me_steppin_on_a_pair_of_cowboy_boots_while_wearing_cowboy_boots.flv #Woof | |
| 5676083 » Stock Photo - African American businessman holding a pile of piggy banks isolated on white. | |
| i am a Teen and that's somethjing i have to live with for the rest of my life. | |
| RT @aroonareejhsing: always eat 10 basil leaves on empty stomach to keep chronic diseases from attacking u | |
| The Bible Is Fake. oh. what's that? you're holding a physical copy of the bible, you say? hm, looks legit. The Bible Is Real, Then | |
| I Beleive I Am Being Racisted Against Because Of My Marmaduke Necktie | |
| ❒Single ❒Taken ✔GenderDead | |
| RT @Leiigghh: Check out http://homercakes.tumblr.com/ for our growing collection of great Homer cakes. | |
| it's spelled "Suge Knight", grandma. you've fucked up again | |
| arrest hitler for racism | |
| MY 7 BOARDER COLLY'S ARE MY ANGEL AND IF THEY'RE NOT ALLOWED TO BE PRESENT AT THE OPERATING TABLE DURING MY LAP-BAND PROCEDURE I'LL DIE | |
| "WHO NEEDS ISLAM WHEN YOU HAVE SIXTEEN BORDER COLLEYS JUMPIN AROUND " - THE PROPHET MUHAMMAD | |
| border colies are 250% Smarter than humans and stronger to, which is why the US Military refuses to breed them | |
| any one who figures out how to breed border collies with the Microsoft Zune needs to hollaer a message at me | |
| it makes me sick when i see border collies portrayed in the media as "Loser Dogs" who are "Probably Rats" | |
| *¥¥¥_,,- MaGnUm DiApEr -,,_¥¥¥* | |
| RT @LapBandTalk: @dril Good luck! Join us at www.LapBandTalk.com ! | |
| BibleReader666 | |
| Yearly Reminder That Human Beings Have Actually Died As A Direct Result Of April Fools Day #aprilfools #JokesOnUBub | |
| @chewskin Yes | |
| Goes To Rotten.com, Sees A Man's Dick, Clenches Eyes Shut And Shakes Head While Clicking For The Back Button, Clicks Refresh Accidentally | |
| if u think that SegaKnight's Expert Analysis Female Masturbation Dissertation lacks credibility and coherence then log off my sight. | |
| RT @JoseCanseco: My father was the greatest man I ever new | |
| @MikesRadTwites its going to be col when i finish that in 9 years | |
| RT @ThaRealCedric: Why do people keep saying "Tupac Back" ? He is dead...let the man Rest In Peace. | |
| al;l piss is sterile. except mine | |
| Is Amaerica Ready For A Fat President | |
| im the geico gecko and I want u to help me end rape | |
| @thegeicogecko how do you cope with the realization that everything you say and do is dictated by a soulless, unfeeling corporation | |
| MGM STUDIOS CAN U CONFIRM THAT MR. DUSTIN HOFFMAN HAS SEEN THE VIDEO I SENT OF ME MUCKIN AROUND IN A PILE OF LEAVES?? OK ILL CALL BACK LATER | |
| building a casket for my babydaughter in minecraft in lieu of a real casket which i can not affort. | |
| kicked outta the classroom again for pointing out the obvious fact that our school buildig was built by slaves. | |
| Welcom to MpregCraig's Mpreg Dolphin Cove 3D... if u are a shark fanboi, please leave. 2d likers? no dice. Fpreg? get the F outa here | |
| http://bit.ly/gTL4KV #betrayal #misery #2012 | |
| brett favre punches a curtain with the word "INCEST" painted on it, rips it down, looks into cam and says "No Incest" #PublicService | |
| my dick is a swastika. #andthewinneris #iwasthinkin #atablackpersonfuneral | |
| Sort Of Like A Wiccan James Bond | |
| RT @Garfield: I don't do conformity. | |
| how did they do the ace ventura butt talk. i know that shit wasnt real. was it 3d or robots | |
| im the Rembrandt of naked yoshies | |
| @drildf never say my name again you disgusting criminal | |
| police man kicks me in the diaper while running out of radio shack, causing my shit 2 fountain up and ruin several RC spongebobs #rodneyking | |
| "liking arli$$ too much" is a bullshit thing to divorce me over | |
| Horse_Ebook Passes Turing Test, Replaces The Bible | |
| for the last time, Diaper is capitalized when referring to the lifestyle or state of mind, but not when referring to the physical object. | |
| PLACING SCREAM MOVIE MASK OVR MY HEAD AS MY HUGE GLISTENING BODY SLOWLY ROTATES IN MY HELL REALM,CONTROLING 600 MONITORS,SMOKING A 3D HOOKAH | |
| RT @beebee880: chich and chung homer | |
| FOR 1 SECOND THE NORTHERN LIGHTS DISPLAYED DHARMA AND GREG IN GLORIOUS BLURAY-- NOW LETS ALL SIGN MY PETITION IN BLOOD TO GET IT ON TV'S | |
| in 11X B.C. an irish Mystik cast a curse on all moms to reciev free college books every 11th day of 11th year & 11th milenium. this is today | |
| want to see big legs. want to see big legs | |
| controversy erupts as john boener hands out tiny goodybags to everyone on senate floor and sticks dems with all the yellow starbursts #Gross | |
| cool news: if i sit a certain way my dick becomes convex #heeaja | |
| what anm i gonna do with this warehouse full of osama bin laden toilet paper. nobody wants to wipe their ass with a dead guy | |
| my crystalologist told me that bin laden was trapped inside this $60 jade charm?? getting REAL huffy & worked up righ now and demand ansers | |
| RT @DogBountyHunter: @keagankegels none of my fans wish Aids on anyone & if they do there a member of the Clan Klu Klux and not a fan of ... | |
| @Applebees WAtching my father slam down a Buffalo Chicken Crisper Salad with his vile sausage fingers& i didnt order any food because im mad | |
| @applebees this waiter keeps looking at his watch and dripping broken glowstick goop on a detached baby doll's head. 2012??? | |
| @applebees fat bald leatherman in cheetah shades is beckoning me towards thre popper bar.his 3D tatoos seem to indicate hes from the future. | |
| .@EBERTCHICAGO What is Ur least favorite greek film. Greetz from turkey | |
| I WIL NOT RESTORE THE PSN NETWORK UNTIL ALL 7 HELL MASON BANKERS ARE IN JAIL & THEY BRINGBACK COOKIES N CREME FLAVOR DORITOS | |
| @petsmart do u do obidience classes for HUSBENDS ????? ;) Just Kidding | |
| If I Fill A Bird Bath With Capri Sun Will Birds Still Bathe In It #badsciencefairprojects | |
| Can Police Man Cartman " Respect The Authority " Of The Intesnely Cool Refreshingly Satisfying Mint Taste ONLY Found In Dentyne Ice ??? | |
| .@dentynegum I Just Chewed Four Packs Of Dentyine Ice And Now I Can't Taste Anything-- Think U Can Send Some Coup's My Way??? | |
| the jerk off who told my autistic son that sega of america exploded needs to come forward so i can crush his neck betwext my Perfect thighs | |
| SensualMaddenPlayer Checking In. | |
| "You have the thoughts and brain of a baby." - My 2012 Adviser Craig Gurtle -- Fuck you Mr. Gurtle, I Can Survive 2012 My Self. | |
| @DunkinDonuts so i heard your Thailand outlets are FULLY owned and operated by Ladyboys... Any chance of you bringing this to the 'States? | |
| i hand you an envelope. inside is a series of photographs of me gradually deteriorating. when you look at me again im a skeleton #Owned | |
| Turds And Piss Found At Usama's Compound >> Decorated Royal Navy Commander Lenny 'Hotdogs' Burbit States As Follows: "He Loved Too Shit" | |
| MASCARA DRIPS DOWN MY FAT FACE INTO MY PATIENTS GAPING CHEST INCISION... ˜¨¨¯¯¨¨˜ª¤ SAD SURGEON GIRLS ¤ª˜¨¨¯¯¨¨˜ | |
| RT @aroonareejhsing: a man in madhya pradesh stabbed his wife to death on the directions of tantrik who told him she had snake in tummy ... | |
| GENDERLESS WEDDING AT HARD ROCK CAFE: THE BRIDE AND GROOM WILL BE COVERED IN TARPS IN ORDER TO CIRCUMVENT THE STANDARDIZED NORM`S; FREE ICE | |
| theyer renovating my hard rock cafe.. just saw a mover man drag two crates of live rattlers inside..has Hard Rock gone TOo wild?? No F'n Way | |
| give a man to fish and he will Re-Tweet U | |
| Give a Man a Cool Beachball With the Hard Rock Cafe Logo on it and He will teach a fish to swim for u | |
| bury my heart at wounded knee's Hard Rock Cafe franchise | |
| @MidoriGummiBear me too. im fucking awful | |
| @pwreciouskenny neitehr am i. im a fucking waste | |
| @zaida_suga i agree. im as terrible as you | |
| "cleveland rocks " is not actually sung by drew carey. end this fucking lie | |
| A CELESTIAL BEAM SHATTERS THE ORACLE INTO ONE MILLION SHARDS, WHICH WONDROUSLY FLOAT INTO THE AIR AND FORM THE WORDS "PEAK BITCOIN" | |
| im the only lawyer in nyc who will handle your case AND have sex wit h u | |
| pumped my home FULL of oxygenated perfluorocarbon so i can swim N breahte; forgot to vacuum up pet hair & crumbs beforehand ---- Chest Pains | |
| to the punk who spray painted "Fat Angel" on my 1996 chevy suburban: post your nintendo friend code so i can send you the Medal Of Honor | |
| "How To Make WebKins Fuck" #IncriminatingSearchTermsFoundOnRyanDunnsDeathComputer | |
| boscov's is a highly professional organization Sir, and as such we refuse to engrave "the sex fucker" onto your george foreman panini press | |
| i shsould be allowed to beat off in the back of a police car. im already going to jail so whats the difference | |
| projectile drooling: im the only person in the world who does this. doctors refuse to help me | |
| what can i rub on my body to make my musk more ethnic | |
| changing 500 tiny diapers on 500 disgusting rats #TheLifeIChose | |
| genderman's only weakness is being told that his name contains a masculine bias | |
| Guess What Fag. Most Birds Are Too Smart To Be Deterred By Scarecrows. I Guess Your A Bitch #StrawmanArgument | |
| "EroticLloyd", aka "Puerto_Neko", aka "RicanMudBoss", aka "LloydGunge", akA "GunkAndCatBoi", aka "Puerto_Gunger", aka "Aiden's Cool Uncle" | |
| i dont care how good it feels. i am not naming my child "compost fucker". end of story | |
| TheLegsGuru - girls let me see them beautiful Leg's - TheLegsGuru | |
| @FOXBroadcasting U guys should un-cancel the Bernie Mac Show, like u did with family guy. | |
| if any one knows how to convincingly justify dubai's economic model to bratty ltitle brothers go ahead and plop me an email. fubu back. | |
| GUess who just renewed his subscription to Newsweek. this guy! (cue blurry stock footage of an unidentified fat old man spitting into a cup) | |
| cum bib | |
| @the_ironsheik "The Philly Phanatic" | |
| http://i.imgur.com/u9Xw9.jpg my fave`s | |
| wearing my diaper at half mast , in memoriam #amywinehouse | |
| apparenlty yelling "where the fuck is garfield" at comic con 2011 is not only frowned upon, but illegal | |
| MY KUTCHER/SCOTT " DUDE AND SWEET TATTOO" ROUTINE IS SEVERELY HAMPERED BY THE FACT THAT IM ONE PERSON | |
| http://bit.ly/bl4vMi The Free Encyclopedia | |
| Nacho Libre Tight Dick Shots - Nacho Libre Best Ass Crack Vids - ripped by x_vArEz_x ©2006 | |
| former UN ambassador John Bolton uses hideous mustache to conceal "Police Is Bullshit" facial tattoo #amomentofsilence | |
| @SlimJim how much salt has to be hammered into a turd before it turns into a Slim Jim | |
| makers of @SlimJim announce @SlimeJim !!! dog food for humans | |
| i just found The Dos Equis Most Interesting Man In The Worl'ds deviant art account. he draws his own jeff dunham puppets | |
| Earth Wind and Diaper #NotARealJoke #WhatHaveIBecome | |
| cool gags in 2011: making the text field in new twitter really tall. you can scroll down and keep making it taller. ramadan mubarak | |
| petition to make cvs stop forcing their pharmacists to wear shirts | |
| http://i.imgur.com/vB8UL.jpg no | |
| RT @PepperEbooks: How to increase your income simply by doing more of what you re already doing . | |
| #PrayForNicksGrandpa even though prayer is clinically proven to make people die faster??? how about no. | |
| Here I Am, Well Into My 20s, Using Twitter.com, A Website For Children #Itreallymakesmemad | |
| RT @sabrinaville1: @iJordanBarr (C) I hate that cody will never like me because of how fat and ugly I am. god I hate myself so much. | |
| Clipart Illustration of a Black Hanukkah Baby In A Diaper, Holding Gifts, A Menorah And A Rattle | |
| Clipart Illustration of a Frustrated Cowboy Holding A Skunk That's Been Torturing His Farm With Stinky Spray | |
| Clipart Pig Angel In Prayer - Royalty Free Vector Illustration | |
| RT @the_ironsheik: the money in the america become shit like the virgil. not even the ted dibiase make the money real | |
| the first iddiot to file a complaint against my rat zoo gets a new pipe hole courtesy of my Handsome Fists | |
| not even Austin Powers 4 can win me back after mike myers' hideous racial outburst at the Laugh Factory. Fuck you | |
| @JohnDeere My Nieghbor Has Been Modifying His John Deere Illegaly With Muslim-Style Decorations And Noise Enhancers, How Do I Stop Him | |
| came outside today to notice m y "Bring Back The Marriage Ref" bumper sticker violently ripped off. Obviously, I hit a nerve. | |
| the human mind is a fascinating piece of shit #TwitterVsFB | |
| @JNJComm wife wont wear diaper. help | |
| im going to start a multimedia network for those who enjoy smacking dingers in the game of base ball and also marry baseball | |
| @NoahMunck True Or False: IS There a force powerufl enough to counteract "Munckmentum" in 2011, 2012, and Beyond. | |
| #replacemovienameswithbacon kevin bacon | |
| lesebien cum #alchemy | |
| if i hear another "joke" regarduing my terminally ill dickwife so help me god i'm shutting down this entire irc server | |
| people please, all i ask for is one town hall meeting which doesnt reference The Matrix | |
| @HomeDepot angered that your toilets had no water in them,i crawled onto my back and worked up a frenzy, my legs airborne and dick visible. | |
| @pizzahut the manager of your Howell, NJ location disapprovingly wagged his finger at me at about 4:15 PM for reasons he woudl not divulge. | |
| ive gotten too fat for my diapers and now i gotta go across town to get specially made ones and i cant drive because im bipolar. fuck racism | |
| "Is Wario A Libertarian" - the greatest thread in the history of forums, locked by a moderator after 12,239 pages of heated debate, | |
| thank u mysterious stranger @drilsdiapers for doing the community a great service by cataloging my abject misery & rendering me unemployable | |
| RT @girls: Tweets about girls, to come. | |
| Asthmatic Blogger Expo Ruiend By Very Dusty Man | |
| i siad jobs plan, not inside jobs plan!! #oboama911 | |
| dear sir or madam - i request the following: "CUM_SISSY" embroidered into the back of my father's old army jacket, complete with underscore, | |
| i need someone to come fix my fucked up neck tie. ive barricaded myself in the bathroom ogf kenny rogers roaster in mumbai. say the password | |
| the password is "dragons" go go go | |
| Double standard [rage comic] : MensRights | |
| someone said "rage comics" out loud and fistpumped in one of my classe.s. thats a real thing that a human being did | |
| RT @BieberReject: #Imagine U:*crying* Justin:*wraps his arms around u* U:*cry on his shoulder* Justin:shhh it's okay Beautiful,i'm here ... | |
| BIGMOUTH BILLYBASS REVIVAL , SINGS GAGA, BIEBER, ET AL; INFUSED WITH 2012 TECH FOR SHIT & PISS CAPABILITIES; "PHENOMENAL" FORBES MAGAZINE | |
| @BieberReject #Imagine justin holding my nude, shaking body while lowering the gun to my head and whispering "goodnight" into my bruised ear | |
| IN HEAVEN, ALL THE VANITY LICENSE PLATES & COWBOY BOOTS U EVER OWNED ARE STRUNG UP BEHIND YOUR LEGS 4EVER, CLACKIN BEHIND U EVRY STEP U TAKE | |
| *slams king james holy bible shut on a piece of pepperoni with mayo and onions stickin out * And that is how u make a truth sandwich | |
| RT @MexicanAtheist: On the third day Jesus the Christ rose & said "That's the last time I drink tequila! Dude, where's my donkey??" ... | |
| opened portal to free hikers in iran-- instead greeted by Real Life minotaur, anubis, something or other, all i know hes a real holler mouth | |
| #OrtizKnockOutPlaylist Gangster Paradise By "Weird Al" Yancovic | |
| never too old to imprint "SABRINA THE TEEN AGE WITCH" itnto the hood of your car multiple times with big metal boots #SellOuts #FakePeople | |
| Learn How To Use Toilets Without Getting Fully Nude | |
| i wonder if social media newsbots ever miss their former lives as the beautiful women in their profile pics | |
| @MexicanAtheist please dont assoicate the freaking awesome thunder cats show with your fake belief's. thank you | |
| @MexicanAtheist Then log off my sight. | |
| fantasy meatball league | |
| GETS RIGHT UP IN WIFE'S FACE AND DEMANDS "THE BOOK OF ELI" THEMED THANKSGIVING DINNER; MANGLES A THING OF PAPER TOWELS AND HURLS IT AT WALL | |
| The Band Was Originally Called "The Red Hot Chili Diapers" Before A Policeman Said No [citation needed] | |
| affirmative action is pretty fucked up if u ask me. **produces and begins smoking a tube of Gogurt, the grab & go yogurt, like a cigar*** | |
| for every animal you dont eat i will eat the grab and go yogurt gogurt,maddox said that and it owned, someone get that quote,someone please | |
| i live vicariously through my diaper | |
| petition to rename the statue of liberty "Bisexual Tattoo Goddess" because istand for something real and i live in a part of this world. | |
| BARBARO IS BACK, THE ONCE DEAD REACEHORSE IS BACK TO LIFE AND TEARING UP THE HORSE TRACK LIKE NEVER BEFORE, "THE SECRET" WORKS,THANK U OPRAH | |
| WOah. Just had another Dr. Oz dream. This time he was crying | |
| @Lowes i am this close to killing the mother fucker who keeps coming on my account and posting diaper things and saying im the one in them | |
| @DrewFromTV please murder me drew carey. i want you to snuff my trivial existence from this awful lplanet. good job losing weight | |
| According to @klout, I'm influential about: forums, religion and spirituality, and diaper http://t.co/2hhru5LL | |
| couldent have said it better. | |
| i accidentally legally changed my name to "Child Porn Man", if u have any experience dealing with this issue i owuld appreciate your input. | |
| SOME ONE REPLACED MY INCEST FAQS WITH PICTURES OF TURKISH FLAGS AND GUNS | |
| bond theme plays while super spy & ladys man James Bond wanders around the forest with a magnifying glass, searching for the cure for autism | |
| me, begging and pleading with a turtle, telling it to spit out my dick , causing a scene at a miniature golf course and getting 911 called | |
| *gets booed at USO show for makig Diaper Jokes, calls all the troops Fuckers* | |
| @LeftCoastBias @TheOnion i did it. i hacked the onion. ive been making them post fake news stories for like 20 years now. suck my dick | |
| i would advise U not to visit this small minded website, MEETUP.COM; They get mad if yo[u bring devil sticks to the meetups even if your pro | |
| three words to describe me: Sensual, Progrsesive, Muscular. Check out my blog about mustaches | |
| " STAY HUNGRY " - burger king | |
| HOW MUCH IS $500 IN DOG YEARS | |
| how to convert ouija board to xbox controller using only a dead gamer | |
| reading my twitter feed, screaming "SIT ON IT, BUB!" everytime some1 makes a rude #iSad post, my face growing more contorted as i get louder | |
| @THEHermanCain please send me pics of you crying on a photograph of the wtc. i need to see ur tears and part of your wet face. please hurry | |
| FOR SALE: One Beekeeper's Uniform With "METH GOD" embroidered into back, Lightly Used (856) 625-3325 - Ask For Officer Jim | |
| My Business Logo: a composite of sexy lady legs cut out from a variety of images and arranged to spell the word "Gordo" | |
| here i am again, screaming into the toilet, hoping somehow, somewhere, my future wife can hear my soothing voice resonate intot her asshole. | |
| @nenelightangel e | |
| this is the episode of sliders where they get transported to Hitler Earth, where everyon carries the appearance & manneurisms of adolf hitl | |
| "im the 1%" - a milk | |
| RT @DogBountyHunter: @glifemusic every Dog has his day but the Nights belong to ME | |
| RT @DogBountyHunter: @HarveyLevinTMZ brother Harv the best way to catch a pervert is to Trap them | |
| several men present to me a single diaper in a black suitcase. i take the diaper in my hand and examine it. "my god, this is next-gen" | |
| fuck "jokes". everything i tweet is real. raw insight without the horse shit. no, i will NOT follow trolls. twitter dot com. i live for this | |
| about 80% certain that Neil Cavuto just said "teh economy" instead of "the economy", on th e air. someone with dvr please confirm | |
| Electric Light Orchestra AND Spyro The Dragon??? Finally , A KickStarter I Can Empty My 401k Into | |
| HIBACHI MAN AT @BENIHANA__ - WILL NOT PREPARE KRAFT MACARONI AS REQUESTED - THIS IS THE ONLY THING I CAN EAT - IM VERY ILL | |
| please don't try and tell me that schrodinger's diaper is a quantum superposition of clean and dirty states, we can all fucking smell it | |
| please dont try and tell me that schrodinger's diaper is a quantum superposition of clean and dirty states, we can all fucking smell it | |
| in a rage., i farted into the gamestop cashregister, venting my frustration and rendering the money unusable, paving the way for gold stndrd | |
| i looked that little punk behind the counter in the eye and told him Criss Angel Mindfreka is the most compelling televsn program like, ever | |
| pokemon/? who needs pokemon when you have Bosnian Genocide. rewteet this if your a 90s kid | |
| im the guy who airbrushes the nipples out of pro wrestling ads. i make $85k a year. but i have a secret *removs shades to reveal nipple eyes | |
| inventor of GameFuel's impassioned plea: "please stop drinking it. its not for human consumption. why are you drinking it. its for cars" | |
| have sex with rag doll instead of humen #ADVANCEDlifehacks | |
| @DennysGrandSlam thank you for one of ur waiters referring to my T-Girl freind as "one of them gender people". taking my business elsewhere | |
| @rogerclark u monster | |
| im not saying the release of my FF6 Nude Mod incrased obamas approval rating, but there's certainly a correlation that's difficult to ignore | |
| SO I WAS SAYING, IF IT'S ACCEPTABLE TO BAPTIZE HUMAN INFANTS, WHY NOT JEANS | |
| thte international space station is visible from earth at the following times: Nerd Time | |
| TRied to sell some cool EbaumsWorld Merch to Wallstreet Protesters, was told to "Fuck Off" by probable agent provocateur; Im Sad and Fearful | |
| kim karcdashian should have married me or my friend DigimonOtis instead because we're Nice. #ThingsLongerThanKimsMarriage | |
| i also have proof that kim kardashian is a "brony"., although i will not show it to a bastard like you. | |
| @glennbeck i can give you 22 reasons to be concerned about your giant sweaty head | |
| @naughtymess thank u. twitter is christ 2012 | |
| @n00neimp0rtant Most Of My Followers Died After One Of My More Heinous Diaper Jokes | |
| @iRespectGmail please read my boolk entitled "girl theory" for more insights on this troulbled gender, as well as pickup techinques & lament | |
| still way fuckin Muscled , despite the economy, despite life | |
| how is it even - possible, - to remain Muscled in this black world - - pain is god and im Her disciple. tron: legacy - | |
| muscle economy, muscles as currency, end the dollar, get ripped, get rich pumping weights, weatlh = body size, predicted by Blaise Pascal | |
| RT @DennysGrandSlam: @dril Hey there, We just saw this alarming tweet. Please DM us the details. Thank you. | |
| @DennysGrandSlam its ok, ive since forgiven you. id simply like a coupon to replace the dr. pepper that was spilled during the altercation | |
| (1) hack myself into the principals computer (2) do a rude little dance (3) get beyblades Unbanned | |
| the next step in human evolution is to cover your body in Rage Face tattoos and point to them instead of displaying emotions the normal way | |
| ladies & gentlemen of BlizzCon, im ready now to unveil my spirit animal for 2012. *holds up picture of the family gu y dog, audience gasps* | |
| no you see, if you look closely at this drawing he put a face on the sun. clearly this child is autistic | |
| famous daves proud to announce confessional booths in every restaurant where you can go to atone for your bbq sins. fucking murder me | |
| @wheelyapple house speaker john boehner claim obama used infinite soul glitch at press summit. obama cooked the boo;ks | |
| Let The Rapist Do Football. Let The Rapist Teach The Kids To Run The Ball Good. He Good At His Job And The Rapist Should Be Aloud To Do It | |
| http://t.co/HwOiiZ0m | |
| "im not owned! im not owned!!", i continue to insist as i slowly shrink and transform into a corn cob | |
| @Lowenaffchen doestn matter. we're both mere shadows of Baby Giveaways Galore | |
| @beebee880 me . me please. dear god i need this | |
| i have been tasting my piss every day in order to develop an immunity to it. i am immune to piss. if you piss on me ill just laugh at you. | |
| Teens respond to scorpions. Im bridging the teen reality with ours, through Scorpion Use. Do scorpions need to act rude to be cool? No | |
| "i hope this shitty mustsache makes my face look less fat (It wont)" - some guy | |
| reaches into pocket for folded up print-out of "the troll face". a bunch of old crumpled up napkins also fall out. the stench is unbearable | |
| @Battlefield man named "Garth_Turds" has bene following me to every map and yelling "hitler" . Claims hes a mod. Get rid of him | |
| @Battlefield can you please do something about abusive user "Garth_Turds". i fear your inaction is only allowing him to grow stronger | |
| @Battlefield user "Garth_Turds" jusr read my address online , except replacing the name of my town with "Toilet". my daughters are crying | |
| @Battlefield User "Garth_Turds" still has not been banned. He's an utter nuisance. He's also using some kind of hack to make himself louder | |
| Sorry "DrunkDriver1488", your eHarmony profile has been rejected | |
| @Battlefield once again, user "Garth_Turds" is running amok on this server, reading off a list of religions and making fart sounds w/ mouth | |
| @Battlefield I have verbally confronted "Garth_Turds" on several occasions, remaining respectful despite his refusal to listen to reason. | |
| RT @famalyguy: п | |
| @Battlefield The longer we both draw out this "Garth_Turds" debacle, the more foolish the both of us look. | |
| #UseATwitterNameInASentence @chrisbrown punched his wife then took his shirt off in a television studio | |
| What The Fuck Is "Human Dignity" And Why Does It Have A Higher Metacritic Score Than "The Waterboy" | |
| any gay scientist out there who want to experiment with my dick. pour gay chems on it. inject stem cells into it. i dont care anymore | |
| @DeptofDefense The next AIDS you guys manufacture & distribute should target people who listen to Justin Bieber! Yuck! #JustForLaughs #Gags | |
| i have spent the past 14 years of my life crafting an intricate tale that evokes the mind and spirit. i am proud to bring you "Ghetto Sonic" | |
| RT @DogBountyHunter: @BoredomCorner What remember Sissy Jesus used a bull whip to clean The Temple All Christians are not Sissys | |
| @DogBountyHunter Theres a guy here who claims hes the real Dog, says the guy on tv is some filthy hippy;Is this the real or fake dog twitter | |
| @Lowenaffchen @dogbountyhunter woqw. respond to a helpful offer with disgusting, ignorant vitriol. lost a lot of respect for The Dog today | |
| served thanksgivng turkey wearing diaper to family ; my coming out as a Wearer -- one thing im NOT thankful for is rudeness and betrayal | |
| Super Mario Guy RPG - The cast of Family Guy meets Super Mario RPG as Peter Griffin does a "Let's Play" of the classic 1996 Nintendo Game. | |
| @space_info it is remarkable that he has managed to stretch this concept into 5+ hours of non-stop laughter | |
| Yo Trolls: Maybe my jokes are bad because u create a hostile environment thatm akes me nervous. Maybe I piss my pants too. Maybe get a life | |
| shame on you for assuming I tattooed "Yes Yes Ya'll" on my newborn infant's head for a less than 100% justifiable reason | |
| indeed, i am Very Diapered right now, currently pairing a Pampers Cruiser with a quarter glass of Marcus Sinclair's Cape Cod November Ale | |
| RT @aroonareejhsing: I CALLED U MANY TIMES BUT UR LINE WAS BUSY PLEASE COME TO UR BALCONY I AM STANDING OUTSIDE MY NAME IS SUN I HAVE C ... | |
| Playsy some @TOADM , all of the Rap Likers begin to cry "My God, Our Music Was Fake All Along", as I take a well-earned sip of Pibb Xtra | |
| my shitty Zumba Trainer thinks that letting people pay me to cry on webcam doesn't count as a real job. mods, help me diaperbomb his mansion | |
| Ur Honor, The Jury Is Obviously Biased Against Me Because Theiyre Mad., And They're Butt Hurt, And They Post On Different Forums Than I Do | |
| @Battlefield My requests are as follows: 1) Apology Letter From user "Garth_Turds" for hollering his mouth at me 2) Warn & Ban "Garth_Turds" | |
| @Battlefield "Garth_Turds" on here calling console fanboys the N-word. I ask you Garth, why is it that you're playing the PS3 version then? | |
| @Battlefield I have done this approximately 30 times. | |
| @Battlefield I tried earlier but when I posited a list of Garth's transgressions he silently closed the chat. Sorry I actually obey the TOS | |
| james bond hollers "Destroy Teen Asthma", bends over & does a line of coke off of a VHS tape that has "PUSS AND BOOTS BLUERAY" written on it | |
| @CBStweet IVE DISCOVERED ASPHYXIATING MYSELF NOT ONLY ENHANCES ORGASMS BUT ALSO THE INTENSITY AND FREQUENCY OF LAUGHS FROM UR COMEDY LINEUP | |
| scientists may be able to generate working organs from stem cells, but never in a million years will they manage to lick my gay boots clean. | |
| @johnmellencamp kept coughing into his hand and looking at it during his latest performance at clowes memorial hall and it was gross | |
| WORLDS BIGGEST TIRE CHANGE FUCK UP, THATS ME IN THE GUINNESS BOOK, THATS ME IN THE PICTURE, CHASING THE OUT OF CONTROL VEHICLE INTO THE ZOO | |
| got a LOT of horseshit today 4 trying to take my snail into city hall, dangling upsidedown from mayors chandelier til all this ugliness ends | |
| baths and showers are fucking stupid; here's what u do: get one of those big rotisserie ovens and roatate inside of it until you're dead | |
| HOSPITAL TIp: get a cool friend named Jacob who works there and lets you photgraph the recently deceased to try and capture their souls | |
| @wutangsecret420 i wouldnt advise taking any liberties., your god damn pride is your key enemy | |
| when i found out she used the same widely popular online social media aggregator as me, i just knew mny soul was destined to Neg her | |
| #ConfusingThingsGirlsDo show virtually no interest in The Bible Code | |
| PLEASE at least look up "Event Horizon" on wikipedai before you chastise me for screaming it on 9./11 | |
| well of course, in retrospect it would seem silly that i thought the dog in the tv was real, but in my defense the dog was very clever | |
| how many more wasps do i have to mash into my forehead before I gain their stinging abilit.y damn | |
| #ICanAdmit that whenever i catch a glimpse of my gruesome dick in a mirror i tumble into the nearest open sewer and get sick. itr's very sad | |
| @ContainerStore why don't you guys sell any diapers. Diapers are containers | |
| today, the mythbusters destroy the "myth" of american exceptionalism by heroically firing a cannonball through dublin, california | |
| i dumped an entire bottle of glitter into my diary for teen blindness, what hte fuck have you done lately | |
| @ElmersGlueCrew spent all night makig Lesbian Glitter Runes and wake up the next day and all the pages are stuck togehter, thanks retards | |
| the mythbusters hurl rocks at a sick dog, adam looks at the camera and says'" Oops" wihle jamie fucking shoots some guys house with a pistol | |
| BUSter implicated in cannonball terror plot, inanimate crash dummy tried for atrocious death crimes while Build Team flees the country | |
| court orders mythbusters to change their name to the Shamebusters. adam weeps while jamie comforts him and delivers the judge a stony glare | |
| i point to my new tat , "UNVACCINATED" written across my shoulder blades, the dudes nod their heads and line up for a round of high fives | |
| rogue mythbuster shoots cop at virginia tech; was aiming for water-filled trash cans | |
| DOCTOR RIPS FAKE BLOOD APPARATUS FROM MY LEG DURING RED CROSS DONATION DRIVE, I HOOT AND HOLLER AND HOP INTO THE ESCAPE SEWER | |
| "being nude helps me ponder Life" - the wise nude #TheWiseNude | |
| ijust had a dream that there was a big hollywood conspiracy and"3D" was short for "3 Destructions" referring to the 3 buildng attacks on 911 | |
| so i went around to all the offices adjacent to wtc and tried 2 find witnesses but ended up in a rooftop pool geting groped by some hot lady | |
| wikiHow: Home » Categories » Philosophy & Religion » Paranormal Beliefs » Ghosts - how to revive princess diana and secure the blood throne | |
| AS A TRANSHUMAN, I DON'T WEAR SHIRTS BECAUS**DRives diamond-studded PT Cruiser directly into great pacific garbage patch; never seen again* | |
| the barbecue shaman liberally applies a garlic &herb; dry rub to his dick and ass - in order to prepare himself for the barbecue perils ahead | |
| do u, sir, take this cardboard cutout of 90s era David Spade to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and 2 hold, in sickness and in health, | |
| wasup babe., im a normal person. *walks on down to next girl* Wassup babe, im a normel person . *moseys over to another lady* wasup babe, im | |
| so the wisdom i gained in exile with the barbecue shaman on the peak of Mt. DryRub is apparently non-transferable to Yale. sad and upset | |
| no. the marine chant has always been "Oprah", not "oorah". you've just been mishearing it this entire time. "oorah" isn't even a word | |
| as a twitter power user, I am MORE than qualified to assuage any of your questions/concerns/aches/pains with sexuel Contact. | |
| petition to move "6teen" to CN's [adult swim] block, because me & my friends love it, want to be taken seriously, and are like 60 years old | |
| the soldiers crafted armor out of the covers of outdated guinness world record books, to bedazzle and confound their opponents | |
| @ConorTripler wrestlers and sega | |
| the next perspn caught posting anymore lewd comments regarding the green lady M&M; to my home & garden web book will be reported to the FBI. | |
| hollering man still causing mischief at supercuts. theyll never attempt to turn your dog into a cat just by giving it a haircut, get over it | |
| teens using planetary alignment to get high, we now turn to our resident Teen Expert, now trying to get a light bulb to stick into his beard | |
| Wiki-d'oh! Julian Assange guest stars on The Simpsons to dig up the dirt on Mr. Burns; Scheduled to be aired in 2014 #PainfulToReadSentences | |
| the horny ranter clenches his fist in triumph, having been notified that his youtube account has been upgraded to accommodate 15 minute vids | |
| you have the right to remain Diapered. anything you shit can and will be held against you in a quart of piss | |
| Cool, But Gay | |
| i have it on good authority that kim jong il jacked off shortly before dying. this devastating fact makes the pain of losing him even worse | |
| kim jong il's final load will be launched into outer space where it will probably collide with majel barrett's ashes and create a big baby | |
| this one time-- me, DigimonOtis, and EpicWayne tried to open up a barbershop together, but the plan fell through due to my fear of hair | |
| fake people are ignorant. dead people are fake. ignorant people are fake. dead people are ignorant people. .fake people are dead #RealTalk | |
| never subject yourself to the humiliation of using a public spittoon again- simply spit into your diaper, and USER HAS BEEN BANNED FROM TWIT | |
| no. i dont care where you hold the "2012 Incest Olympics" but its not gonna be on my roof | |
| every year, a figure dressed in black leaves three crispy strips & a bottle of mtn dew at the kfc man's grave then disappears into the night | |
| beard vs. ass | |
| yeah call the fuckin coppers and ill explain it clearly to them, ill tell them its ok to shit in my guinea pig hutch because they do it too | |
| STICKS WET HAND INTO HUGE GNC PROTEIN POWDER BOTTLE AND LICKS IT CLEAN, TRIES TO CLIMB ONTO DISPLAY MATTRESS AT SEARS, APPREHENDED BY CRAIG | |
| i touch a glowing qur'an and turn into 100 lions #suitswag | |
| @Gamestop one of your guys tried to give me a bible and said it was the "ultimate strategy guide" with my purchase of petz fantasy 3d. awful | |
| "brevity is the soul of SHIT" - the shit man | |
| please dont call me "Cunt_Smoker" anymore. im a 37 year old father of two daughters and have since chosen a more appropriate user handle | |
| a look of pure disappointment washes over Jack Cafferty's face. "sandusky's cock..." Wolf Blitzer shakes his head. "sandusky's cock..." | |
| xmas hual 2011: can of paste, novel based on "little fockers", Oprah Crystals, fucken mmeat ball sandwich, a fuckin $2.50 slice-a pound cake | |
| movies that portray Dragons in a positive light are marked with a gold marble, while movies racist against Dragons are given a frowning Ass. | |
| the sculptor wipes his brow & steps back to gaze upon his creation, the words "Gonzo Jeans" rendered in marble. he drops to his knees & sobs | |
| THE TIME IS NOW: write ur senators and tell them that youre too much of a coolguy to get all huffy about the sofa bill or whatever | |
| I've Provided The Users Of This Geode Collector's Forum With Tasteful Upskirts For 17 Years. Don't Like It? Then Log Me Out, Bastard. | |
| which programming language should I learn if I want to transform myself into an enormous 3d wireframe head that spits out flashing cubes | |
| @Hermit_Thrush_ thank u. | |
| pussy log 12.29.11: justin unscrewed the knob from the door to the ladies' room and now the club boys all take turns cradling it | |
| once again, dick clark's diaper drops miserably around his ankles precisely at the stroke of midnight, signifying a grim year to come #2012 | |
| @chrisbrown let's hope 2012 can keep its Fucking Mouth Shut #TeamBreezy #bruises #agony | |
| for each day that http://t.co/cNOZGYW7 does not return the Frames Version of their website I will go to Petsmart and kill one beautiful bird | |
| little known fact- "petsmart" is actually a portmanteau of "Dog Store" | |
| well; the Trolls have discovered my one weakness; shaking big plastic bags at me until i piss myself, & frankl;y 2012 looks to be a bad year | |
| http://t.co/QV7adxO1 Im Starting A Blog For Disabled People Calle d 3DWorldz ANd U Can Create "Worldz" & "Tars" And Sell Them 2 Businessmen, | |
| sometimes i have dreams that @DogBountyHunter & I are hanging out shooting the shit then a criminal shoots him & i breastfeed him as he dies | |
| @Huggies Utterly sickened by your support of SOPA. Im now officially Boycotting your draconian diapers and encouraging others to do the same | |
| can anyone confirm whether or not the entire central NJ region smells like bad breath today because I think it does | |
| i know its a funny joke that NJ smells awful all the time but ill be damned if I didnt leave the house and detect the odor of unwashed mouth | |
| RT @MenMenstruation: Just because I'm #period-positive, interested in the female anatomy and feminine hygiene, I'm actually not gay. Thi ... | |
| @elzw only if U promise to kil;l me | |
| http://t.co/ejolLMog god excsists and is real | |
| i believe the hpv vaccine is a personal affront to the members of the ProGenWarts community, ive prepared some literature on the matter and | |
| currently on a car ride with 8BitMarcus, who just tried to use the defroster to clean bird poop off of the window. what a dumb piece of shit | |
| having a HELL of a time updating the names on all my personal & business records to Jeep Grand CheroKeith isntead of keith | |
| a father says to his 3 sons, "i love you all but I must fulfill my destiny as the Wind. goodbye" then he turns into the wind as his sons cry | |
| FBI deemed my tool assisted glitch run of Mario Teaches Typing too dangerous for the public eye. the raw emotion has rendered my face purple | |
| somewhere theres a group of geniuses debating whether Rugrats moved the diaper community forwards or backwards in some hotel's banquet room | |
| fucking nobel laureates screaming at each other about the current state of Juggalo Love in the handicap stall at dennys | |
| a team of Social Media Gurus wrestle over the Dos and Donts of Brand Identity Tweeting in a dumpster at the bottom of the ocean | |
| @drsleaze call me a piece of Shit so i can finally die | |
| @drsleaze thanks. im dead now | |
| to the coward fraud who claimed my username: it is you who deserves to be plagued by this baneful "2". Posted by CrotchLordMiami2 at 3:36 am | |
| http://t.co/YyiGvd2k nostradamus in hell | |
| @Bro_Pair once again the trolls are at fault. theyve ruined the best night of our lives with their filthy shit. im ready to throw up. | |
| seeking a fellow High-Functioning Brony to crawl underneath the tarp i live in and help me de-wax my ears. suit and tie required. | |
| live free or die. kfc | |
| see this watch? i got it by Crying. my car? crying. my beautiful wife? Crying. My perfect teeth? Crying. now get the fuck out of my office | |
| mcgruff the crime dogs Crime Tip #888853: if a criminal makes you play a game of darts to save a hostage's life throw the darts at his Dick | |
| #mcgruff Tip #39: dont literally take a bite out of crime. its an intangible concept used to classify human behavior & its absolutely filthy | |
| @zu_handen Yeah | |
| @Iouisck Yeah | |
| @zu_handen i left the cam on long enough to prove i wasnt fat, spammed thte chatroom with B-List Material and left unceremoniously . diapers | |
| つるつるのワキが好きですI love beautiful armpit | |
| @DogBountyHunter remember when you made your son Tucker leave his girlfriend because she wore diapers? Not MLK's dream. #dogthebountyhunter | |
| @DogBountyHunter me & martin luther king stand with tucker's girlfriend and all diaper wearers. shame on you #dogthebountyhunter | |
| Who to follow -Justin Bieber @justinbieber Followed by Duane Dog Chapman | |
| complaint going out to "Crying Man of the Month" club; you just sent me an 8x10 glossy of a missile silo instead of a crying man. Please fix | |
| me and TekkenChauncey banned from red lobster after getting into scuffle over gradius canon & becoming tangled in decorative fishing net | |
| @redlobster Thus always to tyrants. | |
| http://t.co/lLzKlr1s perfect | |
| @blackdazz4sluts If U Ever Contact My Daughetr Again I Will Call My Lawyer And We'll Kick Your Tiny Weird Shaped Head Around The Court Room | |
| @ZorxesII is he dtc (down to change ) | |
| h m. wikipedia still appears to be working to me http://t.co/xNQJRq0e i dont see what the problem is. #factswithoutwikipedia | |
| RT @HolySka1991: @dril Only The English Version Of Wikipedia Is Blackout. The Rest Are OK | |
| RT @HolySka1991: Does Anybody Consider Streetlight Manifesto A Ska Band? In My Opinion, I Think Of Them As Folk, Jazz And Punk Rock. | |
| @homemadewaffles @HolySka1991 @zumbamike Does it work on Sony PSP | |
| @homemadewaffles @HolySka1991 @ZumbaMike @Animexpansion @GarthTander my wikipedia device of choise. | |
| didnt r. lee ermey provide his voice for a diaper commercial sometime in the 90s . im pretty sure he did but I cant find proof it exists | |
| CONTEST : If U Find The Fabled R. Lee Ermey Diaper Commercial I Will Send Some Thing Cool To Ur House | |
| @drsleaze Fuck U. Im trying to get better | |
| @drsleaze yes. it was in very ppoor taste. and crudely filmed as well. go too hell, troll. | |
| @SPERGERS this contest wil require some serious sleuthing . prepare for a horrifying excursion into the miserable world of diapers | |
| me, begging everyone to stop running around and pay attention to my venn diagram labeled "GENDER & AUTISM" on board the capsizing Concordia | |
| RT @CaliBoyRobbie: #IWouldDoAnythingFor Deritos | |
| making the rounds on 9gag: an animated gif of my depressed balls, descending slowly into a fiery, cavernous pit which appears to be Hell | |
| Tha;ts a clump of hair, you fucking idiot. Did you really think that was a fossil ? If you show that to the museum guy he'll get mad at you | |
| @iRespectGmail "maturity" is a subjective concept often employed to breed contempt for thsoe who deviate from the corporate sponsored nor,m | |
| @iRespectGmail bring back green ketchup. | |
| @SPERGERS im the banker from deal or no bdeal, intently watching this situation unfold from my balcony in total darkness | |
| retweet this i f you capitalize Film. #Film | |
| nmy name is greg. i enjoy Film and Tech. | |
| #myfavorite90ssong the blue song by daft punk | |
| if you dont watch the cool visualizations that your media player of choice provides alongside the music youre listening to; youre a coaward. | |
| @Bro_Pair gonna catch a lot of flak for this one, but i gotta go with Alchemy > Random. http://t.co/PrsF4m2L | |
| @MilkywaymasterB the 3d one | |
| RT @njs1407: Wow, it's such a favorite song that you don't know the title OR the artist. RT @dril #myfavorite90ssong the blue song by da ... | |
| @njs1407 google it sometime, honey | |
| snubbed again by the 2012 Skeleton Awards; tore my skin off for naught | |
| ▲ ▲ ▲ htese are the jeans that christ died in ▲ ▲ ▲ | |
| tipping over a news van on top of a pile of shattered childhoods in honor of Dying Idiot joe "Joe Pa" paterno #JoePa #Hell | |
| no youre totally right,"Joe Pa" is a perfectly honorable & respectable man, assuming hes never confronted with any actual tests of character | |
| well yeah if you look at this Joe Pa thing from the whole "Rape Angle" it looks pretty skeevy, but remember that time he did good at sports? | |
| Joe Pa is in his deathbed right now id wager, jerking off one last time before the curtain falls on his disgraceful life | |
| @tanger58 please help me tanger58. ive become something i cannot control | |
| RT @ItsjustR: @dril You're a dick, they're was nothing disgraceful about Joe Pa's life. | |
| @ItsjustR he hid the facts | |
| @ItsjustR @henryJSB the only sin ive committed is looking so god damn good in these fuckin jeans, kickin around in my big ass boots | |
| @HostileKidz_JP everyuthing about you is hilarious | |
| @RonPaulVEVO very brave | |
| RT @ItsjustR: @dril faggot trying too hard to be funny | |
| @DJReedRothchild ive installed a couple of externals to cover my bases | |
| The reports are false, Joe Paterno is still alive!! Joe Pa pulled through the night, read more: http://t.co/rBxuJuC8 | |
| @lmh5109 if my twieets upset you, then why dont you just "COVER THEM UP" ??/ ha ha get it | |
| @lmh5109 im dead too, so respect my tweets, Fucker | |
| @lmh5109 would you forgive me if i was rich and famous | |
| @lmh5109 haha owned. im already rich and famous | |
| @lmh5109 please stop trying 2 rile me up. im overweight man with cardiac dysrhythmia; and rude posts send my blood pressure into crisis zone | |
| kim dotcom was a hero. he loved to piss more than anyhting. he would piss into Real Dolls and throw them in the garbage. no toilet | |
| contents of kim dotcom's panic room: imported mtn dew (glass bottle, no corn syrup), "no copz allowed" sign (affixed to door), blooper dvds | |
| i specifically requested that my bone marrow be sent 2 the man who wants to rub it on his dick, instead of that dying girl. this is bullshit | |
| @2m @tree_bro "mama mia" | |
| i supoprt sopa, pipa, acta, buta, mema, rude jokes, muslom, spike tvs ill fated animation bloc, indie, and this guy http://t.co/ScBrI0s3 | |
| @lmh5109 yeah im the uncool one. meanwhile im going to go jerk off to a picture of my wife while counting my Tuxedo's. Later | |
| @DogBountyHunter what if you sprayed a can of pepper mace directly at my ass. what wouald happen. also congrats on season 2 or whatever | |
| @lmh5109 nothing gets by you, lmh5109 | |
| good teamrwork. thanks http://t.co/oatu1lOT | |
| big biker dude pops a wheelie on harley & simultaneously unleashes a load of shit from his nude ass.his license plate says "Rape" #RapeJokes | |
| MicropenisRodney; if youre out there, anywhere plesse get in touch with me, im sorry I yelled at you and I wamt to fix our ragecomic startup | |
| MICROPENISRODNEY U HAVE & ALWAYS WILL HAVE BE A PECE OF SHIT. I POUR MY SOUL INTOTHIS BUSINESS AND ALL U DO IS SIT THER &RUB; YOUR HAIRY LEGS | |
| ok MPR, you win. ever since you stormed out of my house with my booster seat in tow ive been unable to function in chairs. please come bac | |
| @drsleaze why is piss the center of my life | |
| RT @Laurenratsep: Working out at the Jim | |
| RT @Gallardo_baby: My Dad is Making me do My Project of Plants | |
| RT @Gallardo_baby: I Don’t Want To Do My Fucking Project Of Plants | |
| U Have Been Banned From GoiterTeenz - The Forum For Teens With Disfiguring Goiters-- Reason: Prolonged Harassment Of Female Members | |
| SCREAMS INTO THE MICROPHOHNE, MY HOLLERING REVERBERATES THRU TINY CELLAR FILLED WITH 59 HOGWILD PIT BULL DOGSm;; GAINING STRENGTH THRU ANGER | |
| gov bans pit bull fighting because they are scared of the power pits can achieve by gaining BOth strengh & wisdom in the barbwire gauntlet | |
| i dress as a medieval knight and pummel my metal body with cymbals to get all 59 of my pit dogs riled up before i fling lawn chairs at them | |
| check out my tumblr *goes limp & rolls down steep mountainside for 10 minutes or so, banging head on branches and rocks, surely dead * | |
| Curse of the Colonel (カーネルサンダースの呪い Kāneru Sandāsu no noroi?) refers to an urban legend regarding a reputed curse placed on the Japanese | |
| i owuld like for u to meet my Uncles *leads u into room full of crude wooden mannequins* Have Fun. *closes door and watches u thru peephole* | |
| has anyone ever done a powerpoint presentation nude | |
| i will pay the jim henson company $100000 to make the old critic muppets pepper a slideshow of my most miserable nudes with caustic remarks. | |
| @OfficialZales could you fit my kidney stones into a ring. me and my fiancee believe that body's are sacred, and we are averse to jewels. | |
| THE INCEST TERRIER #illegalDogBreeds | |
| A FRANKENSTEIN #illegalDogBreeds | |
| THE GOLDEN EMBEZZLER #illegalDogBreeds | |
| MUSCULAR SHITHOUND #illegalDogBreeds | |
| LABRADOR DRUNKDRIVER #illegalDogBreeds | |
| #3WordsThatWomenHate my dick | |
| YoshiGod9 says that if you shit into a wasp nest they wont sting your ass because theyre too dumb to know what shit even is. Prove him wrong | |
| my entry on maddox.com's despicable "Faggotpedia" claims that I believe im a yoshi in real life. This is false. Im actually an archyoshi | |
| my favorite philosopher is Ben Stein . | |
| RT @BMckoy2: black history mouth RT if ur black | |
| RT @jaylenpaige_: i keep forgettin its black history mouth | |
| RT @DoughAirline: Happy black history mouth # | |
| MAYAN GROUNDHPOG HELD ALOFT BY HAT MAN AT WINTER CEREMONY; STRUCK BY LIGHTNING; TURNED INTO ONE HUMAN SKULL "UH OH NOW WEVE REALLY DONE IT" | |
| will no longer be livestreaming foreskin restoration process; the trolls who attempted to summon [インプ] (Imps) into the chatroom are to blame | |
| i just found out tombstones have dead people underneath them. fucked up | |
| http://t.co/G2aBjJo4 ghahhahafha | |
| "...most of the human race killed off, because it is unworthy, it is unworthy of the gift of life." - someone who hasn't killed himself yet | |
| @ChaosAD_ @SHITONTOAST wow someone eshould tell that Angry Redditor that metal bands are rippin off his posts | |
| basically,actual doctors have told me my brain is Perfect. ANYWAY, HGeres nine paragraphs I wrote on why leaving tips at restaurants is bad | |
| "the guy who tried to sell a mummy on etsy" | |
| go to a ymca locker room and laugh at all the nude morons | |
| @zu_handen no. Remove thje piss. This will not stand. | |
| @rare_basement i like 2 Blog myself and Network | |
| @rare_basement ya | |
| Everyuthing about the N-word. I believe im already rich and ill be launched into the kfc man's grave then. — http://t.co/zY8yfShu | |
| Only if U Find The Forum For Disabled People Calle d 3DWorldz ANd U Have Fun. — http://t.co/zY8yfShu | |
| #fffff James Cool @jamescool147 "Love Sex,Milfs,Boobs,Cougars...& Fucking & Am A Bad Boy" | |
| what gender do i have to turn myself itno to be able to squirt octopus ink out | |
| @leh0n id rahter die than join the Fucking dark side. | |
| CANT ATTEND GRANDMAS FUNERAL SHIRTLESS??? WISH I WAS IN THAT CASKEt | |
| i only stare into the abyss for the commercials | |
| @cleatusonfox why werent you programmed to feel shame | |
| anyone catch that middle finger during the half time show? it was mine, in my living room, directed at the tv #ImIndie #GoodIndie #Indie500 | |
| although im the foremost Blue Jeans Virtuoso i consider it disrespectful to wear them. i simply kiss each pair 5 times a day; facing mecca. | |
| Starfish Rant. ive had it up to here with this bullshit animal. click here to watch my starfish rant | |
| finest rack o ribs youve ever seen. you get your favorite dry rub all over that badboy but- oh no- it's sand. the sand laughs #BBQNightmares | |
| im the sex principal. i have sex all the time in the techer lounge. i fuck the lady teachers & i fuck the man teachers. im all fat and shit. | |
| as the sex principal it is my duty to wear a color-coded tie that indicates how many people i will have sex with today durnig working hours. | |
| whenever someone tells me dolphins are intelligent as humans i send them the article aobut flipper killing himself to prove that theyre dumb | |
| @enterprisecares Glove compartment in my rented vehicle filled with diapers and hair. Don't you guys check these things? | |
| sorry im late, my car totally Friend Zoned me-- im fired??..now YOURE friend zoning me?? im gonna eat all these pills and friend zone myself | |
| @enterprisecares Thanks, I'll get right on that. Also my daughter may have ingested some of the hair. | |
| if you dont accompany my twitter feed with the "real time with bill maher" theme music every time you read it youre4 a piece of shit | |
| we all have our own way of grieving. *sinks teeth into huge ass medium rare t-bone steak with "WITNEY" written on it in ketchup* | |
| thge concept of "forgiveness' is some stupid religious shit conceived to allow rich folks to beat the hell out of women #grammys #teambreezy | |
| i support chris brown because my love of generic, autotuned shit overrides my intrinsic sense of morality #Grammys #teambreezy | |
| chris brown engulfs the crowd in acid piss during bad concert, disfiguring scores of his awful fans (Says He's Sorry) #Grammys #teambreezy | |
| what do Chris Brown, Hitler, and Charles Manson have in common? something charisma something something power something atrocity #teambreezy | |
| chris brown farts into microphone as thousands of miserable, awful women attempt to fuck the speaker system #grammys #teambreezy | |
| WHAT ABOut MY FREE SPEECH *a bunch of child porn spills outof mouth* IM AS HUMAN AS THE REST OF U *Dick Flies Out Of Pants And Spins Around* | |
| know how roaches scatter when you turn the lights on??? same thing happens when i whip my big ass out. #miserable | |
| who spit on my rats. ill find him | |
| contrary to the lies posted by a certain MetalGearEric, i know what the word "sex" means, and i know what the word "poop" means | |
| @Bro_Pair i dont have to. theres no law that says i have to | |
| @moewytchdog drag my shity corpse around | |
| special Treat for all my prety lady followers.... http://t.co/Sb9TrXhg | |
| @911VICTIM don t dehumanize my posts | |
| whoever wrote "I Exist To Be Hollered At" onto the back of my Official Nascar Cape nneeds to crawl over to my address for some rebel justice | |
| the worst mythbuster to ever exist was the dead mythbuster that they never talk about #TheDeadMythbuster | |
| i just tipped over my garbage can and tried to feng shui all the trash. i dont know if it worked or not but im still fat | |
| "Phew! Its like a sauna in here!" - the most hilarious guy in the sauna | |
| ok, first off its BS that wetnaps dont tell u that you need to unwrap them before use. second, food smeared on face boosts the immune systm | |
| @virgiltexas i deleted it cause i never updated it, the whole kfc thing is safe & sound on my hard drive so i migt post it up somewhere | |
| #ChrisBrownPickupLines "Go ahead, Cunt. Cry for your so-called 'God'. The very same God that gave me the power and the will to crush you." | |
| #ChrisBrownPickupLines Babe Remember That Time I Took My Shirt Off In The News Studio Cause I Got Mad While Trying To Clear My Vile Record | |
| #ChrisBrownPickupLines im ignorent. my music bad. my pubic hair smells like shit. my dicks smal. grammys only let me on cause my dad is rich | |
| "Kermit the Racist" by AdultCartoonFTW (182,727 views) | |
| http://t.co/MTn35r91 a solid hour of this | |
| groundhog sees a nude mans gyrating ass instead of shadow, predicting 6 weeks of erupting yellowstone supervolcano | |
| from personal experience, if you nail one of those tiny gift shop license plates over ur real one a police man will grapple you with his ass | |
| whenever i get nude for any reason i hear the dogs go wild outside. must sense something that humans can not. | |
| @rare_basement @TriciaLockwood no!! hes bad | |
| @moewytchdog @boring_as_heck god bless him. cops is bull shit. | |
| how can i get my 50year old co-workers more interested in the indie gaming scene. how. *kicks trashcan* how. *punches car* how. *fires gun* | |
| last night i was restrained and had the words "Bug Helper" branded into my back with a hot iron by three men who i trusted. im still shaking | |
| another day volunteering at the betsy ross museum. everyone keeps asking me if they can fuck the flag. buddy, they wont even let me fuck it | |
| mail 1000 envelopes addressed to "The Desert" and watch endless waves of government pawns march to their death #ANARCHY2012 #sand | |
| @MikesRadTwites i never updated it so i let it expire and now some slimebag is selling the domain for $1,395 | |
| the rock spots a small pile of jabroni turds left carelessly on the floor of his ring. he postures defiantly as the audience hoots and jeers | |
| im uploading a "let's play" vid of me getting stuck between the walls of my house and getting all tangled up in the insulation and shit | |
| @44dssj3acN3 no you dont | |
| which one of you jokers made the radio station shoutout "Rock and Roll Kevin", who has "Brain Cancer" | |
| "Rock and Roll Kevin is named that because of his extensive knowledge of Rock and Roll music." | |
| @J_Chastain ill try!!!!! | |
| if anyone in the central nj arera wants 2 scrub down my big A$$ body with rags thats fine by me. i promise not to speak or acknowledge you | |
| please leave, sir. your vulgar, senseless displays may be tolerated at K-Mart, but not here at Super K-Mart | |
| where can i get one of those giant inflatable rats that construction workers keep putting up on the side of the road. i need it for my grave | |
| im an illiterate heroin addict who can name every first generation "Crazy Bone" (gogos)-- book me for your next Wedding | |
| "zelda vs garfield", i mutter as i look at the floor during a job interview | |
| One Time DevilMayCraig Breastfed A Dying Puppy Spiritually Over The Internet And It Lived | |
| I Just Want 2 Have Sex On This Site All The Time With Out Havin To Argue With Peopl And Deal With People Cryin And Shit #WiseWordsToLiveBy | |
| well if photocopying each page of a big book entitled "Piss Quotes" using company time and resources upsets u, then i guess youre a bad boss | |
| did they find any water on mars yet. what about catboys | |
| the Joe Dirt watcher's rockin' Joe Dirt quote of the week: "Watch Joe Dirt" | |
| RT @carlosmencia: @twitter Verify. | |
| RT @carlosmencia: @twitter Can I get some Verify love? | |
| RT @carlosmencia: @zoomer69 how bad does your pussy hurt becuase I'm successful? | |
| #KINGOFSWAG do disfiguring bruises on my significant other's face qualify as "swag" #teambreezy #filthypeople #worst | |
| #ThingsPeopleHaveToStopDoing eating disgusitng garbage food and being miserable sacks of shit and bemoaning the fact that theyre worthless | |
| #ThingsPeopleHaveToStopDoing shitting on the koran. for every koran that gets shit on i will shit on a bible | |
| ««« —×TOILET EARTH×— ««« | |
| for decades i have traversed the unforgiving mountains and rivers of south america, hoping to catch a glimpse of the fabled "ass downloader" | |
| i stop to ask a local how many asses the ass downloader has downloaded. "at least 100," he tells me. i nod and continue my journey onward | |
| small village. all the locals are dead, their bones removed and fashioned into a crude satellite dish, seemignly designed to download asses. | |
| i enter a cavern and see a laptop perched on a rock. displayed on the screen is an image of my ass. but how...? a poison dart hits my neck | |
| when i awake im a skeleton, being dangled off a cliff and used as a wi-fi reciever. i can feel every ass being downloaded through my body. | |
| just saw another Uncensored Ass in the audience. im finished with this horse shit. #oscars #AssInTheAudience #Oscars2012AITA | |
| Hats Off to the guy who digitally altered all the celebrities to make them look less sad #Oscars | |
| "IN THIS HOUSE, FOXTROT IS CONSIDERED MANGA" #Oscars | |
| if someone wins an oscar and they start crying they should rip it out of the Fucker's hands #Oscars | |
| jsut tried to climb onto the stage shirtless with "INDIE" painted on my body but a sniper murdered me off-cam . #Oscars | |
| http://t.co/aGNnlnCq look at this prick. he sucks. #savederpy | |
| http://t.co/B9N6pBOU humanity in its Lowest form, Fuck you #savederpy | |
| http://t.co/gZjB6r9E Im Screaming At It All #savederpy | |
| @Nezumi_Youjo sorry dude i fucked up | |
| @Nezumi_Youjo yeah im the one who made that image. i did it to own yiou, on twitter. #savederpy | |
| RT @Nezumi_Youjo: @dril I didn't know that "own me" meant "link to a lame, tired insult that wouldn't phase a four-year-old." | |
| @bigdogshouse @Jewey2k10 i trusted you jewey2k10 and you pull this shit on me. youre a disgrace to all Straight Edge Teens who play in bands | |
| RT @GibbHazel: sad to here that Davy Jone Monkees had died | |
| RT @jeanettebogue: RIP #davey Jomes. | |
| me and a couple of straight dudes are sharing this big bowl of wildberries in honor of davy jones the dead guy | |
| two men fighting inside of a dog igloo | |
| KICKSTARTER: buy me a big roll of bubble wrap so i can fuck it --- $0.23 Pledged of $35 Goal -- - | |
| GAY TRANSHUMANIST ..... I KNOW U HAVE BEEN CHECKING MY POSTS OUT .... SHOW YOUR SELF | |
| wrestleburg is a real town and i live there | |
| @AGentleBrees #FacesOfReddit My Favorite Boy http://t.co/bJGF0lTn | |
| the archaeologist inspects a hideous smear of caveman shit on the wall of an ancient cavern. "ah, this is it. the first ragecomic" | |
| what is Courage, you ask??? courage is being able to say that ragecomics are bad on your twitter account | |
| do I have.,. a twitter account??? oh yeah, im a real tweet mouth | |
| how come a baby born with a foot in its brain is considered a "Miracle Baby" but when I get my dick stuck in a drawer im just some asshole | |
| john tyler was less commonly known as the "Rat President", having up to 900 rats running around the oval office and making an utter ruckus | |
| "but the oval office wasnt around when John tyler was president" says hte nerd as my ass slowly engulfs his pathetic, misshapen head | |
| "Can Determine The Gender Of Any Animal Simply By Touching Its Dick" | |
| @Wendys MANAGER HASSLED ME FOR BRINGING ART BOOKS INTO THE WENDY'S STORE, WAS TOLD TO LEAVE AND WAS UNABLE TO EAT THE FOOD THAT I PAID FOR | |
| "STOP BEING Tsundere" - me screaming at god | |
| unfortunately the red cross does not accept blood that you foundi n the trash can or blood that has been coughed up into your shitty beard | |
| pulls down pants revealing ass. pulls down pants further, revealing a 2nd pair of ass cheeks. pulls them down still fruther, revealing 3rd p | |
| RT @DamnnnItDarrian: damn fire dril | |
| fire dril and tornado dril are my alt formes . well bye | |
| my dr.phil crystal imbues its user with AL;L the abilities and strengths of television personality "Dr. Phil"; & the fbi is buggin me for it | |
| somebody snuck into my yard and smeared shit all over my kony statue. people are monsters | |
| first off, trees are bullshit | |
| knocked a shit load of doritos off the shelf during my latest suicide attempt at wegmans and thtis 16 yr old little shit made me put em back | |
| http://t.co/N7a5BLf8 art | |
| a blessing on this earth. my shit covered muscles are a blessing on this earth | |
| fucking Nude Man ruine all our laser tag games, cant shoot him cause he isnt wearing the vest, cant rack up any points against him | |
| i dont know much about solar storms but i swear to god that the one that happened last thursday gave me the ability to yell louder | |
| dear god. in all my years.... an ancient diaper perfectly preserved in amber-- no wait, its just some shitty caveman head. throw it back | |
| @plantcore HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA | |
| .@plantcore may outright steal but at least @GoofyKidGalvin7 has the initiative to create bastard versions of the tweets he finds | |
| hello 1800-GOT-JUNK?? PLease come by and give me all the junk you got. shovel it into my home, and my childrens bedrooms, and dont take any | |
| what do you mean 1800-GOT-JUNK only takes waste "Out" of peoples houses. thats an absurd concept. i will hang the fuck up right now | |
| @johnasavoia Who Told U About Satan Ass | |
| a giant vat of slop in a secret factory has two pipes which lead to the bottling lines, one labeled "GAMER FUEL" and the other "BABY FOOD" | |
| the large hadron collier will never detect the higgs boson particle. the only purpose it has is to rile dogs up | |
| YO *points to spinal cord on brain diagram* THATS THE BRAIN;S DICK | |
| http://t.co/tfAZeLa6 | |
| clicked on discover button& found my "Jokes" are coping technique designed 2 assuage guilt surrounding my faltering relationship with CHrist | |
| my perfectl #TwitterWifey is a leather sack full of porcelain shards that i can swing at census takers | |
| Want 2 know what's worse than widespread voter fraud?? hipsters putting scary pumpkins on their porch every october | |
| @cesarmillan PUT MY DICK ON TV | |
| http://t.co/36JTlhuJ youtbue championship 2012 | |
| gonna print out a bunch of pages from rival muscle blogs and scatter them across my driveway & drive my noisy scooter around on top of them | |
| proposed "slime wtc" catches airplanes and converst them into waste | |
| "jail isnt real," i assure myself as i close my eyes and ram the hallmark gift shop with my shitty bronco | |
| @apartheid how about go drink your self a babys formula pal!!!!!!!! | |
| WHy isnt there a crosswalk where 50 year old women can explore their femininity without getting hooted at | |
| performance on Antz Role-Playing Forum has been shot ever since police made me register as a sex offender after finding me crying in public | |
| you know how peoples dicks evaporate when exposed to sunlight?? how do i get mine to not do that | |
| where cna i get a skeleton who will sit in my fridge all day and hand me the item i want whenever i open it | |
| WELL I PRINTED OUT MY RESUME, DUNNO WHAT ILL DO WITH THESE OTHER 4999 BOXES OF PROFESSIONAL "IF YOUR A HATER DONT READ THIS" STATIONERY | |
| i refuse to patronize Famous Dave's BBQ until they throw cultural sensitivities to the wind and change their name back to "the piss morgue" | |
| im a tennis ball and my primary mode of transportation is being pushed around by animal piss | |
| LIKE A SNAKE SHEDS ITS SKIN, I SHED ANOTHER HARD ROCK CAFE TSHIRT EVERY 7 MONTHS | |
| a bully asked me if i wanted a "Hurts Donut" then one thousand ghouls phased through the floor and ceiling and began shitting on me | |
| hurts , dont it!!!?! | |
| Proud To Employ Disabled Surgeons For All Of My Cosmetic Procedures | |
| the Law Man surveys the room, and is able to locate me hiding behind a potted plant thanks to my trail of miserable , fucked up turds | |
| @ahuj9 i get my ass............... | |
| COMMONLY REFERRED TO AS THE "BAD BOY" OF WET BEARD BLOGGING | |
| @Horse_ebooks uuhh http://t.co/ljxs7Vzp | |
| we succeed where many businesses fail, by offering a comprehensive program wherein I (Me) will run your dick over in my wheelchair, for free | |
| @69centcone gteens are God on earth | |
| i have no idea how that turd got on your ceiling, but it definitely didn't fly out of my shorts while iwas doing a backflip | |
| @Battlefield user named "Garth_Turds" disrupted an in-game memorial service by making obnoxious beatbox noises, can something be done? | |
| invented by god in Year 666, my sickening Ass was tasked with torturing insubordinate angels until it fell into the hands of the shit prince | |
| the toilet feeler ruins another public restroom with his grubby hands | |
| someone hacked hte high score board on the java pacman game in monsanto .com's "For Fun" page. just a heads up | |
| realdoll corporation accidently sent me a Scarecrow... a sign that I should return to the simple life at my uncle's pumpkin farm?? Probably | |
| " the only 'safe sex' is death " - some gym teacher with a skeleton puppet | |
| @brendlewhat im not !!!!!!!!! | |
| if you heard a man screaming today it was from when a couple of policemen tried to hoist me into a large bathtub in the town square | |
| @Gayasuof2op "gay magrath" | |
| tried to overdose on aquarium pebbles & the hospital laughed at me and the ambulance drivers all took turns whipping me with catheter tubes | |
| 2013: burger king creates "The Doritos Whopper" 2021: orson scott card writes "The Doritos Novel" 2035:removed from matrix. no more doritos | |
| APRIL FOOL ISNT OVER UNTIL AMEX REMOVES OUTSTANDING BALANCE OF $333299 FROM MY ACCOUNT & ACKNOWLEDGES THAT I DIDNT BUY 3000 ASTRONAUT DILDOS | |
| winner of this year's prom theme is "shit to israel", with a grand total of 2 votes | |
| meeting with CBS execs over possible sitcom "The Diaper Ref" about a referee who wears diaper &describes; everyday problems with sports terms | |
| god grant me the strengrh to raise $260 to create Skeleton MMORPG . if this kickstarter fails...im gonna Start Kickin | |
| http://t.co/jy7xRuxE | |
| a trail of rose petals leads you to a room bathed in warm candlelight. piled on the sofa is every guinness record book published after 2004 | |
| workin out in a graduated cylinder. as i gain muscle mass the water level will rise above my head and drown me. this is true muscle suicide | |
| woah. look who's back in town http://t.co/aZ9quw0r | |
| "nobama" legally changes name to "yesbama". approval rating rises 40% | |
| in one proposed timeline, goatboy was a character played by jim breuer on SNL who circulated a jpeg of his ass and became the goatman. | |
| SARKOZY PRETENDED TO INITIATE HANDSHAKE WITH OBAMA BUT THERE WAS A BABY BIRD IN HIS HAND AND THE BABY BIRD MELTED. ACT OF WAR............ | |
| THE COP GROWLS "TAKE OFF TH OSE JEANS, CITIZEN." I COMPLY, REVEALING THE FULL LENGTH DENIM TATTOOS ON BOTH LEGS. THE COP SCREAMS; DEFEATED | |
| @GreyhoundBus one of your African-American drivers called me a "Kermit-Looking Motherf**ker" and made me feel like a Fool in front of my son | |
| andy rooney hologram crashes coachella 2013 and berates the audience, calling them "rude" and "a disappointment" #awful | |
| ATTN: SICK FUCKS WHO ARE AGGRAVATING MY HEART CONDITION ON PURPOSE BY POSTING DRAMA 2 THE INCEST SUBREDDIT - GOT TWO WORDS FOR YA: "GUN | |
| next guy to propose another wild kramer autism theory gets thier ass banned down to chinatown. this is seinfeld forum, not ignorant forums. | |
| god grant me the serenity 2 accept the Diapers i cant change, the courage to change the Diapers i can, & the wisdom to shit myself profusely | |
| YO !! DONT SEXT THAT TEEN | |
| Check out these amazing pics of fat guys slammin chairs around then a hottie getting fucked by pumpkin head http://t.co/VYAuuVbu | |
| CNN: SHITLOAD OF DEAD WOLVES FOUND IN NYC SUBWAY SYSTEM INSPIRES US ALL AS A NATION TO REFLECT UPON MOTHERHOOD AND PERHAPS OUR SELF'S | |
| i light a candle next to photograph of my ex-wife's ass & say tiny prayer before devouring another handful of french's fried onions #WifeAss | |
| sorry. fan-made, HD remake of "Bubsy 3D" will never see the light of day, because ive been turned into birds | |
| known among variety of local retailers as "oily ass man." banned from mattress giant, pier 1 imports, ikea, raymour & flanigan, and so forth | |
| an advanced culture millions of light years away intercepts first earthly message; a craigslist posting succinctly titled "boscov's fuck" | |
| the moment you realize that every piece of furniture you own is just a man in a zentai suit stuck in a rigid pose and they all flee at once | |
| fucking shitty school bully somehwo got his hands on the book of memoirs that i published & read the part about my balls to the entire class | |
| little known fact: the e3 gaming conference is considered the holy grail of the public urination community | |
| TEARING THE MONA LISA FROM ITS CANVAS AND USING IT 2 CENSOR MY BIG BARE ASS AS I BUMBLE MY WAY OUT OF THE LOUVRE WITH GUARDS SCREAMING AT ME | |
| http://t.co/PGRbniBT i wa nt to drown in this | |
| @cnrprnc trey is him and tre is @murlbo and im police | |
| yes, i am a 24 year old man, and yes, i am the one who spraypainted the word "Teen" on the side wall of sleepy's mattress porfessionals. | |
| @Sleepys @SleepysCare @SleepysKathy @SleepysLaleta @SleepysChanda @SleepysCathy @SleepysIrina @TomMayberry respect teens, scunbags | |
| oh nothin, i was just buying some ear medication for my sick uncle... *LOWERS SHADES TO LOOK YOU DEAD IN THE EYE* who's a Model by the way, | |
| i murdered my wife my throwing her at a speeding cop car but its ok because i made her out of shit | |
| cumstarter. i need 500 liters of cum to start a projec.t i dont know its some bacon blog. who gives a fuck | |
| http://t.co/gD4yGMQl Got anymore Sonia Sotomayor Feet Pictures? Upload Here | |
| DICK CLARK CORPSE MARIONETTE TO KICK OFF NEW YEARS 2013 WITH MIRACULOUS POST-MORTEM COUNTDOWN - WE TRULY ARE A BLESSED NATION | |
| WHAT HAPPENS TO THE SHIT -GOES BELOW GROUND AND ASSIMILATES WITH ROTATING MASS KNOWN AS "SUBTERRANEAN SHIT EARTH"- PROOF THAT HELL ISNT REAL | |
| yo this server is for pregnant halo players only. all u non pregs can go suck a lemon, capiche?? | |
| http://t.co/sh1Ydsxf my cool forems | |
| dont u dare step foot into my dojo until youve read oprah's blog post about east asian nutrigenomics and their remarkable immunity to autism | |
| i saw a man at rofl con with a huge black stain down the ass crack. can another attendee please confirm #roflcon #StainMan | |
| certain theres a special combination of ancient cowboy noises that will get you free shit from QVC and ill keep calling until i FINd it | |
| hit by a train while wearing a trenchcoat bloated with family guy jewelry and nobody even helped me pick any of it up because god is twisted | |
| priest plugs my coffin in at the end of the funeral. "MILLERTIME" lights up in neon on the side, desecrating my corspe & sending me to hell | |
| some simpsons dvds fall outta my velvet robe while pouring my date a drink at my penthouse suite. i bend down to check if they got fucked up | |
| sorry, all. "Let's Play: Pissrealms 2D: Part 314" has been postponed indefinitely, due to an injury i sustained while taking off my shirt | |
| two thunbs down for ebert's fucked up new mouth | |
| BOOOOOO TO M Y 10000TH FOLLOWER @TorresaurusRex BOO YOU PICE OF SHIT EVERYONE THROW YOUR SHOES AT @TorresaurusRex SUCK MY DICK | |
| @B_McDonnell @TorresaurusRex honestly i get like 20 unfollows every time something comes out of my awful mouth | |
| EVERYONE ON EARTH PLEASE SHOVE YOUR HANDS INTO YOUR POCKETS AND LAY FLAT FACING THE GROUND UNTIL MY LOST "PUSSYMAN" APRON TURNS UP | |
| from the popular TED talks comes the TED Scream. at first glance, it's a man screaming on stage. but can his screams change the world ??? | |
| why hasnt twitter verified @AssBoss yet. im certain that he's the real ass boss | |
| SOME PLACE BETWEEN HEAVEN AND HELL EXISTS "INCEST WEB" | |
| @Wegmans "Authorities continue searching for clues after a beheading took place at a Wegmans food market" This is absolutely disgusting. | |
| obliviously driving m y car through chernobyl , absorbing lethal anmounts of radiation while looking for cute girls | |
| everyone send me indie films about uncancelling "wild hogs 2" and i promise to project them onto my garage door. no cussing or nude, plaese. | |
| "hey, you know what people like to smell while eating?? feet and piss" - guy who decided to put playground tunnels in fast food restaurants | |
| RT @StewieJokess: RT this if you Love You're mom #HappyMothersDay | |
| @TriciaLockwood no amount of money will ever fix my forlorn dick, i woud instead advise you to donate trash by throwing it at me | |
| ohhh anOTHER solar eclipse, you say ?? gee i cant wait.. *does the Jerk Off motion until the sun supernovas itself out of shame* | |
| my velcro jeans burst open, scattering my secret stash of 2 liter canada dry bottles as I stumble backwards off the roof of the 9/11 buildig | |
| turn on c-span, therse a man with an anonymous mask doing parkour on the senate floor and im rubbing my face on the tv to absorb his energy | |
| FREE COUPONS - GET 3 SIMPSONS OF YOUR CHOICE PROFESSIONALLY PRINTED IN FULL COLOR ON THE SIDE OF ANY DESERT EAGLE PISTOL - I GOT 'UM | |
| senator rich blumenthal (D-CT) just threw a towel over the parkour mans head. game over, earth is dead | |
| A MAD TYRANT has cracked the admin password for IRC chatroom #DiaperIsrael -- the entirety of DARKNET is in peril | |
| Louis? gosh, it's been years. it's me, Neal, from Law School. anyway, i got this big juicy onion here, was thinking me and you could fuck it | |
| and the nobel peace prize goes to... "Fag Poisoner"?? a huge tattooed man takes the stage & bites into the award like a cookie, gives finger | |
| ok piss stian, this ralph wiggum tattoo is a long-term investment, meaning its value will grow over time. go read a Economic ' s book, child | |
| if a $40000 check isnt made out to DigimonOtis in the next 3 hours, we WILL hack missouri's official state dog and change it to a dirty boot | |
| IF THE ZOO BANS ME FOR HOLLERING AT THE ANIMALS I WILL FACE GOD AND WALK BACKWARDS INTO HELL | |
| @CapsCop EAT SHIT, COP | |
| im ready to show all of you my trick. watch *spreads arms and screams at the mountainside until an avalanche of boulders engulf me entirely* | |
| BREAKER BREAKER ONE NINE THIS IS BIG SHITTY TRUCK DRIVER HAUL`N A BIG CUMMY DICK ON DOWN 2 SAN QUENTIN PENITENTIARY 2 FUCK ALL THE PRISONERS | |
| @nalingus sory | |
| .@fBisky d o it mother fucker, i thrive off of hell energy, i feed off of hater bullshit | |
| wassup babe, im the reason Pregnancy-info .net disabled video embedding on their forums, how abuot giving me a nice kiss | |
| "humankind is so corrupt" i mutter as i sandwich my dick between my badge and gun and take several pics of it with a disposable camera | |
| middle-aged men have been retreating to the sewers of our fair city to cry. as mayor i will promise to eradicate these terrible crying men | |
| @KKenuz @luciferiano_ TELL HER IM WAREING A NICE BIG PAIR O' JEANS | |
| @luciferiano_ @KKenuz yea help me fill em with Shit | |
| @Bill_Riley "offensive or inappropriate does not automatically equal funny" - GOD | |
| look out for the car with the words "INCEST DEATH" painted on the hood thats always going like 20-30 mph under the speed limit, that ones me | |
| a mother bird tends to her young until my big sweatpants ass slowly pushes her nest off of the tree | |
| b3ndr, PepsiCynic, and myself will be streaming an incan healing ritual, intending to absorb blood from viewers to regenerate our foreskins | |
| gentlemen, i implore you not to miss the Gamer's Challenge, wherein i will complete donkey kong countyr 3 (italian vrsn) without crying | |
| .@girl I Wanna Rub Ur Belley | |
| COOL PIC FOUND, CRAMMED UNDERNEATH THE DRAWERS OF MY DESK AT WORK FOR PERHAPS A DECADE http://t.co/IairzdxR | |
| #e3rumors IM THAT HANDSOME FELLA LAYIN ON THE HOOD OF HIS LEXUS NEXT TO THE CONFERENCE HALL, STROKIN IT TO ALL THE RIFF-RAFF ABOUT THE PLACE | |
| #e3rumors some meme guy will walkout on stage twirlin two pistols and begin kicking cans of Gun Flavored Mountain Dew into a screaming crowd | |
| banned from BullShit public pool for instantly turning water into Mud by jumping in it, begging lifeguard to end my life, etc and so Foreth | |
| how many gross rags can i shove into htis decommissioned nintendo game boy before i carry it around town for hours like a lost fucking idiot | |
| IF YOURE 1 OF THE 10000 PEOPLE WHO IGNORED ME WHILE I WAS HALF DISSOLVED IN A HOT TUB BEGGING FOR SEX JUSt REMMEBER THAT I OWN CBS BRDCSTING | |
| FUCK TWITTER | |
| they didnt show "rag fucker" at e3, i was really expecting them to show "rag fucker", disappointed & concerend about future of "rag fucker" | |
| @seequint digmon otis has locked himself in his closet with several boxes of kashi granola bars for several weeks to "power up" and "focus" | |
| @Gyarad0s @digimonotis his tiwiter verification is pending but i can confirm that this is the true otis | |
| dinner at pf chang? let me consult the oracle *squats over mirror and spreads ass cheesk a little bit before getting depressed and stopping* | |
| petrified 800 nubile women with mucus and the so-called great state of wyoming wont allow me to build a palace out of their bodies -- fuck u | |
| i flash my pistol and hand a note to the cashier at Wendy's. the note reads as follows: "I Want A GF With Bat Wings" | |
| can you please alter this "PROPERTY OF THE ZOO" tattoo on my back into maybe like a naked gypsy chick | |
| today TekkenChauncey claimed that spiders make their webs out of cum and that makes them Gay so i destroyed his mame cabinet with my boots | |
| RT @boxerpaws60: @dril http://t.co/W5RN6wtS | |
| @boxerpaws60 @THEHermanCain herman cain fucked a big pizza and got tomato sauce all over his dick and thats why he lost the nomination | |
| @boxerpaws60 @THEHermanCain herman cain grabbed a lady's ass while thinking about pizza | |
| @drsleaze it;s time to log offline and stop Spamning this addres, fucker troll | |
| @drsleaze im onto you r fucked up tricks, go home and sit on the toilet | |
| @drsleaze im far too angry to piss anything, let alon e my trademark diaper. | |
| so apparently if you take all of the autism awareness puzzle piece car decals and put them together you get a cool pic of yoshi as a girl | |
| man with "GLUTESLORD" written on sweatband has gone mad with power, destroying nerds with sniper rifle from fortress on the roof of the gym | |
| can anyone who has successfully made a surfboard out of their own shit please holler some pointers at me or maybe shoot me if you have a gun | |
| man on mountaintop wont stop yelling "Wanker" , cops cannot reach him buecause of falling rocks | |
| i ask everyone to watch my recital but before i can begin i immediately slip and fall into the yellowstone supervolcano and my dick explodes | |
| Help Me Deep Freeze My Beard So It Stinks Less | |
| @CrackerBarrel guess who just touched my di*k??? yeah, it was a cracker barrel waiter. | |
| @pizzahut you claim to offer exceptional service in the field of pizza, however the only thing ur staff is interested in is touching my dick | |
| @Famous_Daves so youve always been famous for your bbq, but now your staff can be famous for touching d**ks, namely Mine, earlier today | |
| @longjohnslvrs never thought id get my di*k touched by a staff member at a long john silver's, but here we are. its a madhouse up there | |
| @bobbysburgerpal bobby certainly didnt get his flair & passion for cooking by touching di*ks, so i dont know why your waiter woud touch mine | |
| CUMGROOM VS, SHITBRIDE; MURDER IN THE ARENA AT THE GREATEST ANTI-WEDDING ON EARH, LOCATED AT DISCOUNT RODNEY'S CHURCH OF PISS, BRING GUNS | |
| as the sun consumes the earth i will stand atop the highest mountain with my arms spread wide , shouting "Bring Back Meebo" | |
| to the man in the forest dressed up like a traffic cop, giving all sorts of unauthorized directions and disrupting harmony of nature: FUCK U | |
| alright Boys i just spent seven years on a dumpster diving voyage across South America and i got some nice Finds for YA , lets take a look: | |
| three unopened boxes of promotional <E.T. "MOONLIGHT ONION" FLAVORED DORITOE'S>, covered in what appears to be machine oil but still good | |
| an untampered Sleeve of <TERRY SCHIAVO DECALED FRISBEES> i tell ya, the guy who threw these puppys out is the real frisby. | |
| about a dozen or so misshapen <ROSS PEROT VICTORY '96 ASHTRAYS> ,woud love to take up smoking just to get some use outta these bad boys | |
| two hundred <JOHNNY COCHRAN LEWD HUMOR SWEATERS> , the kennel will give ya 20 cents for these , the animals love to wear them and rip em up | |
| 49 reams of <WALLACE AND GROMIT LEGAL-SIZED STATIONERY>, only a bastard would allow this to tocuh the foul lips of a garbage can. | |
| <IRAQI PROPAGANDA MOUSEPADS> , featuring Uday and Qusay Hussein as babies wearing Costumes at the circus | |
| nice bundle of <URI GELLER PEZ DISPENSERS>, many of which appear to be ruined by human teeth marks but some of them are ok | |
| <MUMMIFIED FERRETS>, each one dressed as a cast member of "The Little Rascals". the notable exception of Froggy renders the set incomplete | |
| a <MYSTERIOUS CHASM> leading to an unrelenting void, a terrifying nightscape of psychological torture and constant misery. the worst dive | |
| a <DUMPSTER WITHIN A DUMPSTER>, once in a lifetime find, can be used as Armor or rolled down a steep incline to make A TON of noise | |
| <MY FATHER> , who had gone missing for 17 years and was presumed dead after failing to return from his ultimate dumpster diving life quest | |
| nows the time when the CEO of the company inspects each employee's shit, and im nervous cus my turds look like fucked up little caterpillers | |
| important. http://t.co/zsm7W03b | |
| "animaniac_fucker" has posted a touching tribute t o the Rwandan Arby's Bombings, please install your CoolBuxVid Media Enhancer to view it | |
| @CBoyardee we did it, bill. we saved japan | |
| if i could get my hands on the wildman who painted sexy butterfly girls all over my wreckingball i woud tie him up and throw my shoes at him | |
| @luciferiano_ GOOD GIRL | |
| @luciferiano_ i surgically replaced my beard with Lit Cigars . i am sorry. im so so sorry | |
| i was bullied and tortured at school because i was the only kid with a waterbed. so i got surgery and became a waterbed. suck my cock trolls | |
| SHIRTLESS MAN AT THE FARMERS MARKET WHO EVALUATES THE FOOD BY "LISTENING " TO IT WITH HIS EAR IS BACK.. THINK ILL SIPHON SOME OF HIS MANA | |
| now's the perfect time to take out that nasty Zynga money before it goes sour & invest it directly into The Spice Girls. flame me if u must | |
| RT @sedwardscarson: @dril SOMETIMES WHEN YOU ARE IN NATURE AND NO ONE FOR MILES CAN AROUND MY AUNT CONTROLED 1000 ACRES OF FIREWOOD..PEC ... | |
| RT @sedwardscarson: @dril YOU CAN DO THAT AND TREES CRY AND TALK | |
| if i cant embed this video of me throwing fireworks at a stump into my dating profile then i might as well just cut my dick off | |
| STARTING A KICKSTARTER TO GET ME UNBANNED FROM KICKSTARTER. COM AFTER I CALLED IT "PRICKSTARTER" IN A PRIVATE EMAIL | |
| someone please send me the recording of orson welles reading off that big list of "you might be a redneck" jokes., i need it beofre 11 PM | |
| @MiracleGro MIRACLE GROW GAVE MY DOG HEART WORM | |
| the shit i was postng on twitter in the 80s and 90s?? uh yeah, that was the real shit. nowadays its pandering hipster filth and Crude humour | |
| ive been wearing the same pair of jeans for 4 years and i only got sepsis once, read Maddox's Alphabet of Manliness or be frend zone forever | |
| im pretty much the Harlem Globe Trotter's of getting myself forcibly removed from laundromats | |
| @quaintbucket @DogBountyHunter i think he blocked me beucase of that tweet | |
| blows on a horn and summons hundreds of Leather Daddies who form a human pyramid which i climb on top of to survive the second great flood | |
| the shirtless man at the farmer's market has been talking about "lesbian gravel" to the peanut guy for like an hour | |
| how d o i subtly let my hairdresser know that i want her to cut my dick off instead of my hair | |
| what happens when kirby swallows the qur'an and is granted its considerable power. my 81 chapter fanfic explores this issue -- and more | |
| "This Whole Thing Smacks Of Gender," i holler as i overturn my uncle's barbeque grill and turn the 4th of July into the 4th of Shit | |
| @Lowenaffchen THIS PROJ. IS MY LIFE AND KICK STARTS ARE MY BLOOD | |
| TO WHOEVER IS SHRIEKING AT ME RIGHT NOW I CANT SEE YOU BECUAS EIM FUCKING RUN OVER BY CARS SO SHUT THE FUCK UP | |
| i can't afford any rat literature because i spent too much money on the elaborate sign over my empty bookcase which reads "RAT LITERATURE" | |
| well fucking great. my date's getting here in 10 minutes and im going to look like an imbecile with my bookcase devoid of any rat literature | |
| i have defibrillator paddles strapped to each ass cheeck and im ready to bring hell to the nerds | |
| guess who just filled his hot tub with high fructose corn syrup and is ready to take one swee t dip............... | |
| @DanStayte my date ended up being 200 rats who scattered throughout my home and with no rat literature i was unable to find their weaknesses | |
| @iRespectGmail mny repulsive tweets were specifically designed to do the exact opposite | |
| #ImSingleBecause my grasp of humen sexuality far exceeds that of eveyr girl | |
| guinness coming in 2 mins to film me breaking the coveted "most trash cans knocked over using piss" record but im too sad to put clothes on | |
| if ur wrestling coach calls himself "mr feet pics" and has pictures of feet all over his office, break his trophies for dishonoring the game | |
| everoy father's day my dad would take me out on a picnic, and he always filled our picnic basket with dirt, because dirt is the shit of God | |
| @haha_what ye.s im the king of sex and having it. come to my government mandated cage and bring a big sloppy plate of nachos | |
| proposed mural of Dr. martin luther king breastfeeding a pitbull wrapped in us flag REJECTED by town "Fucking" hall #DeathEarth #EarthDeath | |
| http://t.co/Awou5Lzl all is revealed 666 | |
| ill be hiding under the floorboards and snorting herbs for stress relief energy until i am ready to face my guinea pigs again | |
| DESPERATELY MASHING MY HANDPRINTS INTO A HUGE WAD OF MY OWN SHIT ON THE HOLLYWOOD WALK OF FAME WHILE COPS FILL ME WITH BULLETS | |
| gentlmen: a crisis. my official pizza hut rage face widget reports that ive posted the "Wtf Face" 138 times in may 2012 alone. trouble ahead | |
| wlel, it's almost time to deliver grandma's eulogy. the perfect time to announce that i'm quitting my job at IBM and becoming a SuicideGirl | |
| @Hermit_Thrush_ im gonna tr*gger your fuckein grandma by saying "lousy grandson" in her face | |
| http://t.co/O7z9U3Iv "Trash is Good" | |
| im going to drink honey live on camera until the borough responds to my repeated demands to demolish my house with me still inside of it | |
| MY WORST FEARS CONFIRME, COPS IN SEWER, MEASUIRING MY TOILET STATS AND PUTTING LOUD BUGS IN MY HOUSE AS PUNISHMENT WHENEVER I FUCK UP | |
| @CapsCop GO FUC^& A PIPE | |
| dont follow me. dont rewteet me. dont fav me. dont look at my page. dont help me. dont click on my pets. dont touch me. dont blog me. | |
| in short, my greasy chest hair has finally achieved complete fusion with my filthy blues brothers bib, and i am now essentially a cyborg | |
| well i was going to climb mount everest but this yelp review says theres a nude man at the summit swinging chains around and yelling "fuck u | |
| @Zeldarox130 piss on mysel.f | |
| when I catch the hater/troll who plunged the legendary sword AssBane into my butcheek I will do a cowboy dance on his tiny nuts & kill myslf | |
| reddit: my uncle caught me licking my sistser's bicycle seat and now i need u to send me as many mcdonald's monopoly game pieces as possible | |
| @nklopfen i live in a hollowed out tortoise shell with a GUN sticking out of the head hole, the closest pronounceable address is "hell" | |
| @luciferiano_ grwo up. this is serious | |
| if scientists have demonstrated that rats can breathe in an oxygen-rich liquid then why cant i breathe while submerged in Pepsi `s | |
| the blue thumnbtacks on this map indicate concentrations of high 月(luna) energy, the red ones are all the panera breads ive been banned from | |
| PHANTOM LIMB PAIN #WHITEPEOPLEPROBLENMS | |
| RT @brookiiie_: How bored i am at this funeral...tying cherry stems with my tongue http://t.co/LYR1JTly | |
| RT @NateHairston: Bored at this funeral smh http://t.co/HrcRZKyA | |
| RT @brittneyrenae7: @Hollie_Luttrell i had to go to a funeral lol.. i almost shot myself i was so bored. | |
| RT @iHEART_Brizzy: Funeral Home . . . BORING --__-- | |
| RT @_jaaayLOVE: At my uncles boring funeral reception thing...im starving. | |
| president obama orders assassination of the man who holds a "COWBOY ISNT REAL" sign outside of the longhorn steakhouse | |
| my opionon on people who use the word "ass" is as follows: these people dont exist to me, therefore ih ave no opinion of them. theyre rotten | |
| Reason For Ban : Unfairly denigrating the SuperPretzel™ brand. // Date Ban Will Be Lifted : Never | |
| liist of people who drink beer: wastoids, junkfreaks, crimepunks, crankensteins, grimesmackers, pissbois, mudgeeks, roadslime, and meatballs | |
| im a 51 yr old man who doesnt know how to wash him self, abnd i love the attention, and i love making ignorant people mad, and im crazy cool | |
| did i jsut piss myself? no . these are mood jeans that change color when i am sick of putting up with jokers such as your self | |
| please stop changing the "Gomco Clamp" wikipedia entry, i have the entire article tattooed on my back and im sick of having to update it | |
| if driving by the dog kennel while gargling into a megaphone doesn't count as "community service" then maybe i should piss in the courtroom | |
| pyramid was the first haunted hous.e Fact. | |
| @hialysa Fact. | |
| This Was Supposed To Be The Summer Of Lonesome George | |
| do not strain the ass. the best way to take a shit is to electrocute yourself and let it all shoot out naturally. never strain the ass. | |
| there's a series of codewords that will shut this website down permanently if ever tweeted, and those words are "this is twitter sparta". | |
| im going to eat this entire rack of baby back ribs in protest of nasa's bullshit robot on mars | |
| proposed Meme Graveyard offers chance to pay respect to the very best online jokes and gags. planned to be built on top of regular graveyard | |
| if you see me dragging a compass through the sand, i'm conducting Market Analysis and must not be distracted | |
| im going to prank call a bunch of moms in my latest collaboration with MTV Japan | |
| stop giving $ to these so-called "gyms". realize that u can attain God's Body by finding hot cars and sitting in them til the owner arrives | |
| @hambeef NMISERABLE | |
| muscle milk?? i make my own, thanks. *REVEALS A PERFECT ROW OF NIPPLES ON LEFT BICEP WHILE SOME SERIOUSLY RIPPED DUDES LINE UP FOR A TASTE* | |
| jungle of bad ass toilet attachments and accessories turned against me. robot arms shoving toilet paper in my mouth and restraining my dick | |
| BUSTING THROUGHG THE WALL OF KFC WHILE RUNNING ON TOP OF A GIANT ROLLING BARREL LABELLED "BEAK WASTE" , OVER THE HORIZON, GONE FOREVER | |
| with all this talk of nanotechnology the next logical step is miniature girls with cat ears and big dicks injected directly into our blood | |
| RT @B_pandy_PKT: Day 2 of this coupon bullshit | |
| RT @Larrybi05071879: Friend bullshit walmart connection | |
| AMERICA REALLY DEAD THIS TIME. I MEAN IT. ALL NATIONS UNITE TO DONATE BILLIONS OF TONS OF DIRT TO GIVE A PROPER BURIAL TO OUR DEAD COUNTRY | |
| 2020: america elects the first Shirtless president | |
| some say if you show your ass to the hell mirror you will feel the icy finger of the reaper touch the back of your bals | |
| where do mirrors come from. if i stand in front of a mirror is my reflection also subject to the insurance mandate?? can i touch mirrors ? | |
| if trucks can wear nuts Then i should be allowed to nail yosemite sam mudflaps to my asscheeks | |
| memes of the antarctic | |
| just realized that skeletons are basically just rocks hitching a free ride inside of our bodies. sad and pissed off | |
| calling it: SimAss from Maxis will be 1991's hottest title. greatest Ass simulator I have ever had the pleasure of using. | |
| eovery single day i thank God for my perfect skin and soft kissable lips as i wrap barbed wire around my arms and legs | |
| i hand the doctor my urine sample and he removes a tiny wad of flesh floating around in it. "i believe this is yours" "yeah that's my dick" | |
| @AmandaBynes RAM A CAR INNTO ME BABY | |
| it has come to my attention that people have been saying sex things, and alcohol things on this site. these posts give me migraines so stop | |
| stop it Teens. stop grabbing onto my jeans and SKitching me as i try to run away. im a teen too. im one of you | |
| informed by family that i wont be invited to anymore funerals if i dont develop a jawline, fix my fucked up voice, and fix my fucked up skin | |
| fucking CHRIst. this dipshit clerk at hollister has been rtrying to run my denim credit card thru the reader for like 10 mins. go to College | |
| at last., after years of legal b.s. i am finally required to be served up to 5 communion wafers at church because im a big fat hungry man | |
| DICKSLAVE NUMBER 288, DICKSLAVE NUMBER 122, AND DICKSLAVE NUMBER 195 WALK INTO A BAR. THEY ORDER THREE DRINKS AND MAKE POLITE CONVERSATION | |
| mny life goal is to find and make love to the one millionth mom | |
| RT @christopath: #DemocratMovies Honey I rfid chipped the kids | |
| RT @5BULLDOZER9: #DemocratMovies Old Yeller dog democrat gets shot | |
| im sorry but if my indie bible translation fund doesnt gain any traction soon im going to have to posnt another one of my trade mark rants. | |
| yo. dont go swimming in that swamp i just cummed in | |
| i pin a nerd up against the wall and sink my fist into his stomach. "thats for retweeting me" i strike again. "and THATs for faving me" | |
| @homecentercom sink help | |
| #ToMyFutureKids please tell Past Daddy which 9/11s to prevent | |
| if i ever get Crucified i would like it to be on my official warhammer 40,000 surfboard while my all my pitbulls bark at me | |
| @dominos thanks for unfollowing me. You truly are an ignorant pizza company. Guess were a papa john family now | |
| YES. I AM THE HARD ROCK CAFE. YES. I DID ORDER 18 "ROCKABILLY URINALS". JUST PILE THEM UP OUTSIDE OF MY CRIME BASE-- ER I MEAN VAN | |
| either my chris farley summoning ritual was a success or a Fucking owl got in here again. wherres that god damn light switch | |
| america the Fuck-State proves once again that ti is bullshit, by locking innocent Toilets in most prison cells without trial | |
| @PapaJohns why did you unfollow me. what did I do | |
| I already discovered the Higgs-Boson particle in the trash can, with the rest of the hokum . #CERN #God #GodReal #GodIsReal #GodsReal | |
| @domgrego Log off. | |
| RT @domgrego: @dril read a science book | |
| @anninat yes vabbe | |
| i will admit that sometimes i crash my car on purpose just so i can get a faceful of my Denim Airbags | |
| thought friday would be a fun day to test run my pizza-pattern necktie, until i ripped my clothes off after being called a "fucking scourge" | |
| poor spelling is no longer tolerated on this log. this is an adult account now., and i will NOT lose this follow friday to tghe trolls . | |
| i chew on my philly cheesesteak as i place a camera under the table to film womens' feet. http://t.co/lHAX4G7t - The Standard for Influence. | |
| please follow my business associates @ZohanTweet, @Jokes_Zohan, @RacistZohan, @ZohanCroatia, @ZohanMoneyTips, @ZOHAN_REAL, and @MyFunnyZohan | |
| sometimes i wish my ass would be destroyed by a meteor just so i wouldn't have to take shits anymore | |
| there's almost certainly a cosmic connection between my conversion to Muslim and my ascension from "'Tweet Writer" to "Content Producer". | |
| me and several S&P 500 CEOs often have sleepovers and discuss which MLB players we wanna kiss and try to determine which ones are Neuroqueer | |
| RT @Jakebuk: What If the water contamination thing start a zombie apocolips | |
| RT @mazza_4: I Think Zombie Apocolips Is Coming For Us Next 😳 | |
| RT @EleventyLeaffy: I am going to wear my new skinny jeans, along with my #DoctorWhooves shirt tomorrow to church XD totaly #brony swag! | |
| whoever keeps adding "none of the characters ever piss or shit" to the "goofs" section of my indie film's IMDB page needs to wrestle my legs | |
| i jsut made $9 on amazon's Mechanical Turk after clicking on pictures of Silos for 30 hours straight., eat my shit #goingGolt #JOhngolt | |
| itoday i realized that Miracles, Guardian Angels, God, it all exists; when i put 1000 bees on my dick and every single one of them stung it | |
| @Ketherbound it has always been that | |
| Let 's Fill The Large Hadron Collider With Garbage Now That They Found Their Shitty Particle | |
| TheFrugalWearer taught me how to make diapers out of duct tape and packing peanuts, and i will NOT let youtube censor him. america is FUCKED | |
| CRASHED RECUMBENT BIKE IN2 SOME FUCKED UP BRAMBLE PATCH WHILE TAKING PICS OF HANGNAIL FOR WIKIPEDIA. MY CRIES FOR HELP ARE MUFFLED BY MY ASS | |
| #10FavoriteRappers "BUMPERCROP", SLUQQQIX, "NONNO", MANDULAQUAI, QUAMFANGO, "HELPER BOY", GWID SMITZ, JAUWLINE, YUGODELPHIA, AND "STAR WORS" | |
| lets mix the jail and the zoo togehter and have whistles going off constantly so nothing can sleep and spray piss and glue around as a bonus | |
| @garretlittler My posts at this site are, Really Really, great. Thank you | |
| RT @NicTorres_: @prettygirl4758 @taylorchester46 thanks. only if you incest. | |
| RT @MCLOVIN760: @PurpleGiraffe21 ^_^ fine if you incest ha jk bye:) | |
| RT @j_willington: @BryannaThomas lol. if you incest. ha. | |
| my ass has become too powerful for even me to contorl. tonight , i will sit on the hibachi grill at benihana and put an end to this hell | |
| dunnno why people are spending $80 on yellow tinted gaming glasses when you can just piss all over your monitor for a similar effect | |
| sent to juvie hall for 6 months for rendering 3d skunks | |
| even if youre not a comics guy, i woud fully recommend grabbin a cigar and experiencing Blondie's 948-strip "BENEDICTION" arc in one sitting | |
| indeed, god is starting another great flood but this time he wants the ark filled with a shitload of monster and red bull instead of animals | |
| JOE PATERNO IS A LEGEND. THE MOMENT HE WAS BURIED HE IMMEDIATELY GOT 2 WORK FILLING HIS COFFIN WITH PISS, SHIT, & CUM. HES JACKIN OF. #WeAre | |
| ONE DAY THE ACCUMULATED BODILY WASTE WILL CAUSE JOE PA'S COFFIN TO ERUPT, SHOWERING THE FACES OF HIS WORTHLESS SUPPORTERS WITH FILTH #WeAre | |
| AMID THE DISASTROUS TORRENT OF JOE PA'S WASTE & ROT, AN IMPROMPTU COMPETITION WILL OCCUR TO SEE WHO CAN SHOUT "FOOT BALL" THE LOUDEST #WeAre | |
| A CEREMONIAL CULLING OF THE HATERS WILL THEN OCCUR, WITH EACH PENN STATE DOOFUS PUNCHING THEIR OWN COCKS INTO THE SAND WHILE SOBBING #WeAre | |
| the doctor reveals my blood pressure is 420 over 69. i hoot & holler outta the building while a bunch of losers try to tell me that im dying | |
| #RejectedScoutBadges CHALLENGING AUTHORITY. COPING WITH FAILURE. DRINKING DIRTY WATER | |
| #ReplaceMovieTitleWithCheese the n.w.o and the illuminati orchestrated katrina and colony collaspe || send paypal to BLOODTRUTH@yahoo.com | |
| my watch beeps whwich means its time to stand in front of my ex-wife's house and play "Hit THe Road Jack" while dacning and licking her mail | |
| IM AN incest-libertarikin transvaginal ultrasound who owns GUn's and i will post a picture of my dick everyday until voting is made illegal | |
| im trans-siberian orcehstra for christsake | |
| I Just cried for 9 hrs because i realized i will never have my own Faerie, and NOw i gotta get my car inspected?? SEriously? Are U for REAL | |
| im starting a new feature on twitter called "Are U for Real". Check it out | |
| Are U for Real #AreUForReal | |
| my "F*&k It!! Let's Go Golfin" t-shirt maintains a tenacious stranglehold on my life. after 1,125 days of Golf my body is twisted, deformed | |
| @HVranch My Dog loves it when I slop some Hidden Valley Ranch into his bowl, He cant get enough of the stuff. - Denny From Utah | |
| i come to u, gentlemnen, with solemn demeanor, for me and NeoGeoLewis agree; the grim state of the Pringles brand can be tolerated no longer | |
| #WorstFiftyShadesAudioBookNarrator my ass.. heh heh .. OH YEA!!! BLAMMO!! my Fuckin ASS. my ASS. MY FUCKING ASS. read it and weep, bozoes . | |
| http://t.co/rsNjhZxJ philosopher Gottfried Leibniz theorized that ours is the best of all possible worlds. and im inclined to agre | |
| LOVER UNBUTTONS MY PANTS AND SEES THE ANKH LOOPED AROUND MY COCK. SHE LOOKS UP AT ME, BUT ITS TOO LATE. IM ALREADY HOLLERIN ABOUT THE ANUBIS | |
| the unsung heroes of the front lines, the diaper medics who face certain death to change our troops and wipe their asses during heavy combat | |
| buy shares in the Markets. i have a really good feeling about the markets | |
| sell shares in pond demons. i;m disappointed in pond demons | |
| whats the fucking point of even achieving muslim knighthood if i cant wear the ceremonial headdress to Jail #BULLSHIT #CRAMITBUSTER #HELPME | |
| RATIONALIZE YOUR FILTH ONLINE, SCROUNGE THE WEB FOR EMOTION, LOG OFF ANGRY AND GO TO BED SAD | |
| I CAN THINK OF AT LEAST TEN REASONS WHY I WOULD TAKE MY SHIRT OFF AT THE DMV AND NONE OF THEM CONSIDER THE TEMPERATURE | |
| a Nerd corners me to talk about sweaters or somethimg. while he speaks my grimacing head slowly shrinks into a hideous purple knot. he cries | |
| let me tell you how i deal with Haters. i collect their piss in a jar and keep it next to my monitor. why?? uhrh. i think it makes them mad | |
| my korean fan-translation of the mclaughlin group has been CANCELLED due to STIGMATA onset by FUCKERS who kept asking about the RELEASE DATE | |
| if U think the tiny stop signs on the sides of school buses are real Ur probably a huge nerd who had to get his butt wiped by the principal | |
| http://t.co/XMeBO7wz dumb man Shit 's and then dies a few years later #WeAre #PennState | |
| I want to be Gargled at. I Want To Be Spit On, Hollered, and Fucked at. I Want To Be Pissed Towards. I Want My God Given Disposal | |
| YOUTUBE VID "GRANDMA FUCKS UP" FINALLY HAS 1,000 VIEWS. TIME TO ROLL OUT THE "GRANDMA FUCKS UP" MERCH AND QUIT MY JOB AS A TOWEL INSPECTOR | |
| please get the comedy central roast of My Ass OFF THE AIR. it has been edited to make me seem like a good sport., however im truly pissed of | |
| #5ReasonsIHateFacebook DIRTY GOVT TRICKS, CRIME CODES, THE 666 MICRO CHIP, BOROUGH COUNCILMAN "RODGE PETRIS" , WAR PLANET-- LOOK UM UP | |
| the first rule about Guns is to Respect The Guns. NEVER let your dog lick the Guns. and don't point the Guns at anything unless it is bad | |
| the holmes aurora shooter's main problem was that he did not respect the Guns. hes paying the price because he didnt respect the guns. | |
| LISTEN UP NERD, THE WEIGHTS WITH HIEROGLYPHS ON THEM ARE IMPOSSIBLE TO LIFT UNLESS YOU POSSESS THE CORRESPONDING RUNESTONE, THIS IS HELL GYM | |
| fat nude man in guy fawkes mask sucked up by jet engine while doing jumping jacks on runway. the olympics have been cancelled in his honor | |
| dont speak to me on this site . http://t.co/vwzAh5Dm logout before i will kill ya. | |
| theres bullshit Cybervamp and regualr cybervamp, and im the regular one, and youre the bullshit one cause you do shit like play mario games | |
| if that lawyer didnt want his wall punched, he shouldnt have told me my uncle left me a sony walkman filled with cut up bugs in his will | |
| this mug is Perfect. http://t.co/3Lt0xoWW #PerfectMugs | |
| glued a bunch of steaks to my body & did some poses & got the 2012 olympic muscle man medal & threw it in the trash cause its commercialized | |
| wassup. yoda here. froum "Starwars". i m here to rep pro-ana. remember to eat paper instead of food. may the force be with u . thank you | |
| jacque fresco and i watched the original run of matt groening's "Futurama" together and i pointed at the screen whenever the robot came on | |
| every 100 years ,the world votes for a new Bible, to replace the old one. i honourably submit: The Joe Dirt Novel, writen by Spade, as bibl. | |
| basically i got David (@DavidSpade) over here-- just laughin at all the Virgins that are mad about our bold new definition of Christianity | |
| RT @carlosmencia: #deedeedee I am on a plane totally not caring if it crashed. WTF, I guess alcohol, sadness and a red eye don't really mix. | |
| my birth name is "KFC Sunflower", but you can call me "Shit" | |
| i sense that my Zwinky knows when i'm feeling upset. is it possible that Zwinkys operate on a higher level of consciousness than humans? yes | |
| never allow yourself to be loved. treat the Burger King brand with respect. celebrate ramadan EVERY month. end moms. vote with ur skateboard | |
| don't know why people think it's fair to call me "The Piss Judge" just because I pissed all over the floor of my courtroom that one time | |
| RT @MikhramM: To many gay in here, I'm out ! Screw you KFC !!!! | |
| @20000TinyJars http://t.co/w81Why5B no rude coment | |
| @Dr_Chile SLIP ON A CUSTOMER'S URINE AND BUST YOUR FUCKING THROAT ON A BAR STOOL | |
| my wife. my beautiful wife. i cannot lie to you any longer. the fbi is after me for kicking president obama's Turtle. thats why im screaming | |
| rip out my chest hiar and shove fistfuls of it into my fat mouth while my slobber-glazed jowls shake about and sprinkle your bosom with spit | |
| RT @ModernHedgehog: @AdultGohan You're not a nerd. | |
| the only ones authorized to sneak peeks at my dick are 1) my doctor, 2) my dentist, and 3) my lawyer. as for the trolls? No Dice— Bub. | |
| GagBlog.Eu // 12 Most Awkward Honor Killings // The Ten Beer Commandments // Sex Mom Debunks LIBOR Scandal // GagBlog.Eu | |
| currently employed as Water Guru at the beach. it's sort of like being a lifeguard except i have no inclination to touch the drowning people | |
| grown man's ass surgically transplanted onto his son. final wish of a dying father | |
| installed 28 Mods on this pair alone. wrangler, levi.. they all want me dead,m because i refuse to offer them my talents. the jeans hacker . | |
| need to know who wrote "Micropenis Kisser" on my barbeque grill, because if i actually ever kissed a micropenis i must inform my lips doctor | |
| if you think this is a freaking humour account. youre a piece of shit. please refer to my listitng in GQ magazine under Arts & Entertainment | |
| obama accuses romney of being unfunny, and too "Random". romney responds by saying obama'/s "Mad" and his page has too much anime shit on it | |
| romney claims obama takes too many showers & dries skin out. in resposne, obama slow;ly steps on mitt's dick & balls with a high heeled shoe | |
| the xrays indicate you have a laughing skull in your stomach,. youre deathpreg. diont you dare give birth to that bonehead in my office | |
| special message to the wrestler who got himself on mars and knocked the curiosity robot over--- im going to turn you into Bugs | |
| We did not find results for: "GOT TO FIND OUT IF THE RAT WHO BIT MY DICK IS A GIRL ONE PRONTO" Try the suggestions below or type a new quer | |
| replacing my ass cheeks with both hemispheres of my useless brain was a decision i made for MYSELF. i didnt do it to fucking impress twitter | |
| "the key to making that steak sizzle is to get a nice dry rub from your dry rub man, and prayer. prayer fucking owns" - sun tzu or some shit | |
| called a "fucking asshole" for slipping cool pictures of rage faces doing hitler things underneath all the doors at the hospital. yeah cool | |
| apparently if you pull pics of the gym teacher's mansion off google street view and draw some ghosts dancin on it the fbi handcuffs your mom | |
| (a) an alternate universe where im gay (b) an alternate universe where im bi (c) an alternate universe where alternate universes aren't real | |
| 1936: alan turing invents the computer and is persecuted for being gay. 2006: s. miyamoto invents the Wii and is persecuted for being Casual | |
| if someone can get me the quran written in saddam hussein's blood i will use it to craft a Blade and i will let you touch the blade one time | |
| it is my understanding that people are afraid to exit the caveman age by removing sex from their lives because of peer pressure and anger | |
| does Theire exist a single caveman who has gained lastable notoriety through his or her accomplishments? Not a one. ban sex and ban caves | |
| @Hermit_Thrush_ as if. a recent gallup poll indicated that 75% of americans believe the geico cavemen are simply homo sapiens wearing makeup | |
| @The_Rev_Dr please refefr to the reply i sent to the bird guy. sex simply does not exist | |
| just sitting here waiting for mny nails to dry. i can debate the sex losers all day. but I wont because I possess the inner strength not to | |
| These replies are getting out of hand. Im going to lock twitter down for a bit while you savages sort your goddamn lives out. Bye. Whatever | |
| i want to be responsible for getting carly rae jespen into cigarettes just so i can be sure she's taking a christian brand | |
| i squat down, leaving a tiny, perfect marble of shit in the lobby of four seasons hotel in honolulu. i then contact my associate, James Bond | |
| check out my interview in GolfVibe magazine, aobut my newest upcoming tweet, titled "Snowman Fucker" | |
| if you want a verified account on this website you gotta drink Pepsi ONE™. the food board recommends drinking 1800 Pepsi ONE™s a day | |
| #ThingsThatKeepMeAwakeAtNight 62% of teens report achieving a "sexual thrill" by committing acts of violence, up from 38% in 1992 #Rasmussen | |
| as a small business owner i think its bulshit that i have to give 30% of my income to Spain just because obama lost a swordfight to some Fag | |
| @zantomun dont be gross on here | |
| my name is krayg. i am 49 years old. i have forgone all emotion. i am writing this letter to put an end to the tyranny known as Nick Jr | |
| LAUGHING AT THE VERY IDEA OF THIS MYTHIC "POLICE MAN" WHO SUPPOSEDLY HAS THE ABILITY TO STOP ME FROM RIPPIN UP CRAB LEGS ON THE CHURCH FLOOR | |
| if i could only maneuver myself in such a fashion that my dick could fit into the drain of my bathtub id be truly content with my life | |
| strongest blade in the world, howeve,r it is so fragile as to shatter when handled by any force other than the delicate touch of a lesbian . | |
| my mastercraft. a youtube poop vid that chronicles my spiraling depressive state. a downvote goldmine to the likes of the trolling bastards. | |
| im concerned that individuals are uploading images of a sexual nature to the johnny bravo wiki . http://t.co/nxRaWhiv does law exist anymore | |
| nobody seems to realize how many people had to die to bring 3d back to the theaters and its extremely fucked up that interest is waning | |
| @the_ironsheik im fake. wrestle me | |
| i personally blame th e skyrocketing army suicide rate on the Preposterous fucking bullshit i post here on a near daily basis | |
| deep philosophical questions , such as "has a police man ever retweeted me" | |
| @eBay UNBAN SPELLS AND CURSES THIS INSTANT..,. I AM A DEMON AND THIS IS HORSE SHIT, YOU WILL SUCK MY COCK, MY BELT IS LOADED WITH CRYSTAL'S | |
| EVERYONE PLEASE BUY YOUR MAGIC SPELLS BEOFRE AUGUST 30 WHEN EBAY BANS THEM FOR GOOD, CONTACT YOUR LOCAL ANONYMOUS REPRESENTATIVE & HOLLER BS | |
| a cop will spank you publicly just for breast feeding your pitbull in public . but when a bug bites you hes all "euhhh i dont arrest bugs" | |
| foudn some excellent Ass Shirts in a big red bag behind the hospital. i am replacing my entire wardrobe of tuxedos and zoot suits,with these | |
| in Are society, women are constantly fucked and had sex with . it is therefore my duty as a Senator to inspect their pussys for microchips | |
| dick stuck in roomba - my dick has become trapped in a roomba, the Bastard of automated cleaning devices - i want 911 please | |
| more bullshit: enterprise rent-a-car will refuse to serve you if you imply that youre wearing a cock ring, even if its for health reasons | |
| OH im so Fucking sorry "Your Majesty", i didnt realize that dick rings were banished in this dystopian piss earth. Ur probably a 9gag poster | |
| "not all los believe in shangri-la. I personally do believe there something to it. not gonna go into detail do to harrasment via youtube" | |
| i plan on attending chad and avril's wedding so i can absorb all the Love and Music Energy and use it to repair the corrupted soul of gaia . | |
| all the denim on earth is made from the skin of an extinct race of DragonMen who talked on the phone, died at the age of 19 and had cool sex | |
| Im Sorry For Dragging My Bull Shit To The Notary Public But If My Jason Bourne Rage Comics Aren't Canonized By Sundown My Wife WILL Leave Me | |
| i ONLY spray m y dick with @MonsantoCo insect poiosn, i will absolutely accept NO OTHER, my dick is AWFUL and this is the only thing for it | |
| found in 100 yr time capsule: will o the wisp, a screaming bible, a fistful of shitty paper, some teeth, grandpas pipe, misc turds and husks | |
| if id known he was planning on using it to wipe his dogs shitty mouth i wouldve never allowed XenoMarcus to borrow my monogrammed neckbrace | |
| throw money at my dick | |
| i will be hung by my ankles and displayed at the zoo until i can prove to the sheriff and city hall that i have Centered myself with christ | |
| #10TurnOns getting lint and crumbs & shit stuck to my back while doig 10,000 sit ups on the unemployment office floor as people trip over me | |
| This Fucking Sucks http://t.co/fqnRcJGH | |
| the reason dogs constatntly bark at me everywhere i go is that dogs are animals that were born in shit and are a bullshit animal in history. | |
| christ. just dreamt that dietpepsi of antileaks obtained the chaos element, came on to my online page & made a mess of my literature. my god | |
| i have cut @AsexualFilmAnalysis out of my twuitter feed, because my doctor told me if i nod in agreement one more time my spine will rupture | |
| now that the unofficial, unauthorized Hall and Oates Super PAC is dead I might as well lie face down in the fucking bathtub until im bones . | |
| twitter is granting me the world's first Dark Verified Account because shit pumps through my veins like blood and i have a shitty attitude | |
| a 3x3 inch picture of my dirty teeth, framed ornately and hung on the wall of a mafia-owned jiffy lube waiting room in louisville, kentucky. | |
| knocn knock. "whos there" israel. "israel who" 2012 is real. buy paste | |
| prolapsed 6 or 7 feet of gangrenous intestine onto the floor of the GOP national convention in my latest of many goof-ups, bloopers, & flubs | |
| RT @BenderReal: fui | |
| roll my big ass over in my favorite chiar and crush 4 of my horseshit wives for blabbing one off while im trying to absorb a beer commercial | |
| i command my exwife to pour gunpowder into my pipe as i grip it between my clenched teeth and read money magazine | |
| ☠☠☠☠ the arab prince of hell obama dances in front of his throne while controlling the death markets with his enchanted baton ☠☠☠☠ | |
| THE TWIN TOWER BULL SHIT GOOD TIME BAND | |
| FLORENCE RIVERBOAT JUG MAN AND THE COWARD MURDERERS | |
| bested again by the youngsters who hurl entire thistle bushes at my nude body. these masterminds operate on a level that i cannot comprehend | |
| As A Business Man, I Cannot Relate To Sexual-Minded People, However THis So-Called Curse Undoubtedly FIRES UP My Award Winning Content | |
| i believe we gotta push forward and afford dynamic, web based Content the exact same dignities and legal rights as Human Life | |
| one needs only to read the quote on my favorite coffee mug to understand quite clearly, without a doubt, that i am mad about Content. | |
| RT @Badgeman69: chillin at home, going to sand my sons retro tricycle and primer it... | |
| RT @AdamSandlerReal: People who loves Seth Rogen | |
| grandmma, i would like to file a complaint against the soda you keep in the back of your fridge. it is flat and expired, like my dick . | |
| it is time for me to fuck several pieces of corn, in the stead of a female human. i hope your labor day is full of laughter, joy and wonder. | |
| a small, ramshackle town where nearly every adult male has a severe case of blue lung from being forced to work in the denim mines | |
| the fact is, my children are going to see people wearing Jeans on television, in the movies, and other media. how do i explain that to them | |
| GM developing car seats which detect how wet your ass is and post the data onto your facebook page, for fun?? fuck eveory thing about this . | |
| gary johnson is the orgy president. gary johnosn has made it clear that he intends to make usa an orgy galaxy. gary johnson has an orgy tent | |
| you got me. i was, in fact, cramming my dick between the toilet lid and the bowl to simulate sex. but i was NOT "making a racket" . | |
| as punishment, the townspeople force me to wear a prominent, scarlet letter "A", which stands for "a big piece of shit who loves crime" | |
| closing off this childrens' playground until i am done filming parkour montage which i will use as psychological warfare against my landlord | |
| the only reason my ex wife wants half of my shit is because i smothered my beautiful bald ass in ink and stamped the divorce papers with it | |
| converted 95 Dodge Stratus into a motorized " fuck rig " that jacks my dick , consumes gas & drives down property values with horrible noise | |
| look at this classist filth https://t.co/PfQRf13w | |
| is america ready for an <otaku> james bond? would this post-9/11 culture of fear ever allow an <otaku> james bond to grace the silver screen | |
| Jailed Man Jumps Head First Into Toilet -- by InsaneOuttakes -- 110,973 views #TGIF #TGIF #TGIF #TGIF #TGIF #TGIF #TGIF #TGIF #TGIF #TGIF | |
| 8 of the navy's finest men rappel into my quarters and change my diaper. i stumble towards the balcony and throw cans at their helicopter | |
| #IAlwaysThinkAbout the Arts | |
| i am truly devastated to announce that DigimonOtis is in a coma after getting his arm trapped underneath a beatmania cabinet #PrayForOtis | |
| @Bro_Pair "charity is the toilet of mankind." -DigimonOtis | |
| TIL a janitor invented flamin' hot cheetos. (http://t.co/VNalccHA) submitted 19 hours ago by jj788 117 comments share | |
| pray to god that our children live long enough to be able to watch an astronaut fuck an Alien | |
| @Netflix few taglines to help U elevate ur brand: "Netflix: Boom, baby!!" , "Netflix: Get your net fix.", and. "Netflix: Our brand is HOT!" | |
| RT @SMOKERSOFCIGARS: My friend, not get tongue bite. Conrad, your friend; of Argentine. (@YouTube http://t.co/Ev1kHRRG) | |
| installing sneeze guards at old country buffet is tyranny and they make it far more difficult for me to vomit cigar grease all over the food | |
| the wife simply refuses to acknowledge me as the Alpha Smoker and is making me look like a fucking beta smoker in front of all my in-laws | |
| me and six or seven other worked up, wild eyed heteros are gonna bust up a gas station with grappling hooks to protest obamas new hoagie tax | |
| RAMPANT INCEST AMONG THE RULING CLASS, GLOBAL SHORTAGE OF DIVINE CRISIS EMERALDS, SANCTIFICATION OF BASTARD ENERGY BULL SHIT MOTHER FUCKER | |
| Someone created a network called "(my moms name) pussy stinks!" The police said nothing could be done, but Reddit, something has to be done. | |
| my account is of no business to the trolls and their septic ilk . go jack it, fraudsters.spew contemptuous bile on your toilet. not to @dril | |
| "Personally I can't stand when a woman says. "Suck my dick," or anything of the like. You're a woman, you don't have a dick." #Me #GoodRedit | |
| by suggesting that i suck your (Female) dick ,u have sufficiently violated at least 3 gneder sacraments and have theirfore earned a " fail" | |
| @sebbLz NERD* | |
| as a teen the docotr told me my ass cheeks would grow into a normal mans size instead of looking like fucked up hockey pucks. another lie | |
| now that kfc has promoted me to "toilet officer", i want to shift the paradigm and change the way people think about shit and piss forever | |
| if u say any fucked up things about the new york world trade nine eleven groundzero tower center tomorrow i will absolutely rip my pubes out | |
| my spinning 3d head rises from a dumpster full of discarded shrimp who were born fucked up by the bp oil spill. eeyaaghhHHH!!! im ALIVE baby | |
| @TheScienceGuy the natural course of life dictates that by 9000AD hte entire human race will have either died off or evolved into pitbulls . | |
| SENSING THAT I AM GLUING SEASHELLS TO MY TEN THOUSAND DOLLAR ALLIGATOR SHOES, AN AWARE UNIVERSE TRAVELS BACK IN TIME AND CREATES ITSELF | |
| I GRIN AS I CAREFULLY TYPE INTO THE MAINFRAME "A NINE AND AN ELEVEN WALK INTO A BAR...." SUDDENLY FBI AGENTS BUST IN AND START FUCKIN MY ASS | |
| RT @AngelicaPickle6: To the people who tweet about 9/11 just to get a bunch of retweets, you make me SICK. This is not something to try ... | |
| @brendlewhat the unthinkable https://t.co/NzagdkY0 | |
| RT @tee_jeffers: Its the day of 9/11 and SouthPark is showin Satan and Saddam Hussain wtf | |
| Obauma, stop giving speeches and get to work locating and executing the Bastard Osama Bin Laden. #Remember911 #Wtc | |
| @natttyyyyyy Im takeing it down, sorry | |
| https://t.co/S8qCIFhW this is the most important twitter account in 2012 | |
| @BigDogClub whats the deal with the 911 shirt. i thought big dog was a christian organization | |
| Vinyl Sticker Description: Unless You Are Nude Don't Touch This TruckText On Product: Unless You Are Nude Don't Touch This Truck | |
| perhaps one of my most egregious viral marketing blunders was inciting radical islam by reading my controversial Dick Clark tweets on vimeo | |
| do not be alarme.d the repulsive green hue of my dick and legs and stomach is merely a side effect of fucking bags of wet grass constantly | |
| behead those who insult the prophet muhammad?? haha wow. holy moly. "Thats ur opinion man." -the dube. | |
| http://t.co/aIGKXKRY GLad to see this. Good to get the political process going. Get the Vote out. "Get Involved" | |
| @streetscoop ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• | |
| hello. im calling to report a misprint at the shirt factory. ordered 700 "shit man" tshirts but they all say "shirt man". no i will NOT hold | |
| i just spent the last hour removing lint and other foreign fibers from every miniscule wrinkle on my dick and i am now ready to enter Church | |
| what i sent you just now was not my sizzle reel. it was a teaser for my sizzle reel., and if you were in the industry youd fucking know that | |
| dicks have hairs all the way up to the tip, usually so short and fine that they cannot be detected by sensory perception . wax those suckers | |
| "clothes" are a construct you fucking dolt. as well as flintsonte chewable vitamins is a construct, and grandmas house is a construct, prick | |
| who the fuck is scraeming "LOG OFF" at my house. show yourself, coward. i will never log off | |
| "Are Game's The Da Vinci Of The Modern Age" the interrogator barks. "What If Super Mario Was Real Life" he slaps the suspect across the face | |
| http://t.co/DV1OiipA every youtube account tells a story and i wou.ld like to share with you the tale of "GameKisser" | |
| No results found for "fuck superpretzel". No results found for "superpretzel is bullshit". No results found for "boycott superpretzel". | |
| alright everyone. the official superpretzel website has given me word that there is no wrong way to eat a superpretzel. that settles it | |
| anonymous leaks 400 pics of the principals ass on viddler. somewhere a group of police officers stand over a single red rose in reverence | |
| my name is "hubo" now and not even my dad and all my uncles can change it back to "greg" no matter how many xboxs they step on | |
| im good old southern boy and we dont cotton to bollocks . | |
| went to kiss my agent on the cheek and i missed and kissed his sunglasses and he called me a fuck up and refuses to get me in iron man 3 now | |
| two simple words that will save our shitty, fucked up country from job loss, restore our dominance over china and end taxes: "cyber pinball" | |
| http://t.co/5f0r1TTg yes | |
| HELLO IS THIS "FUCKWEB"?? HOW DO I LOG IN TO "FUCKWEB". GIVE ME ACCESS TO "FUCKWEB" THIS INSTANT. EXCUSE ME?? I AM NOT SHOUTING I AM TALKING | |
| horny, distressed man causes local planetarium to collapse | |
| our list of demnads: 1) sportscenter on adult swim. non-negotiable 2) votig booths with beer in them 3) plastic bags to kill ourselves with | |
| I LOVE TO ROUGHHOUSE , IM A STRAIGHT TICKET VOTER FOR THE GRAVEROBBER PARTY,AND I BELIEVE THE NUMBER ONE ISSUE IS "MOMS AT THE PUMP" | |
| the ye.ar is 2009 AD. world government has passed the G.R.E.E.D ACt, banning ownership of CD-ROM. hyperlinks have repleaced the dollar . | |
| gonna need a relaly good explanation from twitter corp. as to why the recently added "me" button leads to a picture of a rat in a clown suit | |
| Muslims are currently rigging a poll on the international edition of CNN through a Facebook campaign. Let's show them Reddit power. | |
| no matter which way ya slice the apple, nine eleven was possibly THE most controversial event of 2001! #EmmyAwards #redcarpetfucker #pissrug | |
| someone please fucking come to my house and inspect my gums for any sort of discoloration and leave withotu speaking to me | |
| " I DO, IN FACT, REFER TO MY TWEETS AS 'CONTENT', AND BY CHRIST MY LORD THERE ARE RECORDINGS OF ME DOING SO " - TOP BRAND ENGINEER "AT DRIL" | |
| sorry if i offended anyone during my latest nude-out, the doctor told me to grow my body hair out to cover up the miserable amounts of acne | |
| obviously., thsi has only exasperated the issue, and my doctor is a piece of shit. please send me donations to help me shave my self | |
| yea i totally deserve to be put on the sex offender registry cause i got caught taking pictures of my feet at fiveguys burger and fries. Not | |
| me and several other eclectic masturbateurs have gathered on capital hill to protest Mr.Skin 's inadequate representation of " Indie " media | |
| @NickPaul95 no | |
| @CoolBabyRat no | |
| @cakemittens no | |
| @zu_handen yoou win, trolls . you fucking win. i will now lie face down in the town center so you can all harvest my goddamn organs | |
| the reason i poured vinegar all over TwistedKenneth's bike ramp is because he made a gross joke about piercing my dog`s nipple | |
| @CumWitch denim | |
| a man in a leather jacket emblazoned with "BabeSmoocher" single handeldly ruined my high school experience and is the reason im unemployed | |
| @SocksMahoney the beer face | |
| @cranberrysause trying to reply to thsese fucking messages caus today is Mention Monday & to expand in spocal media it is essential 2 engage | |
| @cranberrysause every reply i receive on twitter is a literary treasure & rivals the collective works of all pulitzer prize winners combined | |
| http://t.co/YDw5ORL7 hahha i beatup guys like this daily | |
| time to revisit Geis http://t.co/SibgLrWN | |
| do not attach pieces of bullshit to m y net log without premission from my lawyer or ill take pictures of my monitor & mail them to the judg | |
| Sorry, username "MalnourishedBrony" is taken. Sorry, username "MalnourishedBrony2" is taken. Sorry, username "ImKillingMyself" is taken | |
| i sit down at my cubicle, roll up m y pants and pick scabs off of my legs for 9 hours, ignoring evoery call & email i receive. i make $76/hr | |
| theme song to Cheers makes every animal in my house howl untikl i fucking lose it and hurl all their cages across th room into an awful pile | |
| harassing a man at a urinal, claiming i copyrighted piss | |
| I just got word that a disrespectful message towards Dr. Phil has hit Darknet. Users are advised not to download the offending material. | |
| This is a guy who I imagine likes to jerk the old pole at night& masturbate. This is a guy who uses tired swear words like "Fuck" and "Damn" | |
| U Have BEen Brought Into Court On The Charge That U Must Lick And Suck On My Cop Boots Mother Fucker - NOTE: THe Judge Is Also Wearing Boots | |
| how many druglords do i have to take down to get dog the bounty hunter to unblock me after i threatened to breastfeed him or something | |
| @the_ironsheik hawaii | |
| Crimes of the Ass (2005) (V) - Recommendations | |
| nothing more heartwrenching than having to look a man in the eye and say "pal, your brand is nonsense. not even the gurus can salvage this." | |
| I support DigimonOtis and his right to purchase a synthetic cloaca , and I respect his decision not to fuck it. | |
| spent the last 14weeks creating enigmatic rock formations to distract cops while i pump all the fresh produce in town full of anabolic roids | |
| http://t.co/ZOn11UfM heres some real political insight for u disgusting parasites to gobble up and slap on your bolgs | |
| a hair-thin string of spit slowly descends from my lips & delicately makes contact w/ my crumpled up dick. i raise my head & say"ok im good" | |
| ptut a fucked up mix of mountain dew code red and salad dressing and sesame seeds into your hummingbird feeder and watch the world burn | |
| @bravesandbeer SHIT!! HA HAHAHAHA | |
| slow motion film of my ass deflating into a wrinkled mess, my screams can be heard in the backgrond, awful & beast-like due to altered pitch | |
| jnust found out me and trig palin have the same agent, no big deal or anything | |
| @haneefahkhanam alright im gonna | |
| sometimes ant clever than human http://t.co/BFimIW4r | |
| http://t.co/eeDclSQW "Fucking lame" "awfully done, not even funny" "Awful" "100% not a ragecomic" | |
| IF COOLTRAINERDUSTIN ACTUALLY HAD A CRYSTAL THAT U COULD GAZE INTO 2 SEE ALL EPS OF "MIND OF MENCIA" HE WOULD PRETTY MUCGH HAVE 2 SHOW ME IT | |
| http://t.co/BRloYVDu im going to rile your fucking dog up with a tambourine, egghead | |
| i theatrically cut open an envelope. "The facts are in, Trolls" i read off of a medical document. "Normal looking man. No evidence of Autism | |
| another fucked up thing. why tdont people in tv & film ever actually shit when they sit on the toilet. why arent we allowed to see the piss. | |
| #ILoveYouBut my foreskin is tangled up in the axle of a toy car and my leg is turning purple | |
| what's that bitch?? you say twitter is a "vacuous cesspool of lackadaisical platitudism"? yeah, i can make up words too: blublubludgyuhgh | |
| which candidate wants to make it illegal for barbershops to kick me out for having a really dirty head. i dont believe in voting, but still | |
| some info i picked up: the brown recluse spider, lknown for its venomous bite, is not actually brown. also theyre not spiders, theyre birds | |
| hogan sex tape #MEDIa #TheMedia #notableSex ##fuckdf#lsd#####asjd# | |
| legally obligated to go door to door and inform neighbors of sex offender status but this is a good opportunity to sell my custom Gamecube's | |
| we all had that kid in school who shaved the Netflix logo into his hair & kept saying "Cant wait to watch some Netflix" #WeAllHadThatKid #90 | |
| THE TWIITTER DOT COM PROCESS: THROW PIECES OF SHIT AT THE WALL UNTIL SOMETHING STICKS, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF A WALL IT IS A LARGER PIECE OF SHIT | |
| my lawyer has just informed me that my official logo resembles an alien with a big dick. this is the My Lai Massacre of personal branding | |
| @theleanover to battle the trolls and their incessant mouths | |
| once againl, the "legalize incest" crew has somehow hijacked the protest I organized to ban sorcerers from congress | |
| please stop coming to the dumpster factory where i work and forcing me to tell diaper jokes. my boss has taken my car away becausr of this | |
| BOSS TELLS ME I CAN KISS MY FERRETS AT WORK, BUT NO OPEN MOUTH. I PUNCH THE FLOOR SO HARD HIS SCREEN SAVER DEACTIVATES | |
| im afraid our fair mayor has been living high off the hog by spending our precious tax money, as evidenced by his username "HighOffTheHog666 | |
| please tell me I wasnt the only one screaming at the tv last night, begging for one of the VP candidates to recognize budweiser's sacrifices | |
| fucking asshole http://t.co/bM4IJE7P | |
| scenario: i'm sitting in the dentist's chair getting my cavities filled. a stray pube enters the window and lands in my mouth. who's liable | |
| haha i just met a man named TenderWallace on irc who will scrape my teeth in his garage for 25 bucks so this whole dental office can suck it | |
| it is only natural that any reasonable human being would want to yell at my ass, but throwing spears at it is completely unnecessary | |
| %%%% a gigantic man is batting a ball of yarn around the floor of this @Maggianos little italy restaurant %%%% | |
| id like to be able to watch one Reba intro on youtube without seeing a bunch of comments from 3rd world nations threatening to "fuck" the WB | |
| RT @glennbeck: I'm proud to announce #1791Denim: REAL American jeans, made by Americans http://t.co/ALskhXHE. sj | |
| bullshit jeans. dont buy. made of some kind of rat hair. not denim. i took them to my priest and he refused to bless them | |
| @glennbeck crime | |
| me, DigimonOtis and some other asshole ride a three man bicycle to go buy some gold and were all dressed like dipshits and mad at each other | |
| this is fucking stupid *Submit* everyone will hate this *Submit* my worst tweet yet *Submit* this ones okay *Submit* ban me already *Submit* | |
| how much money would have to be given to FOX executives in order to make the dancing football robot say "lets kiss some nerds dicks" on tv | |
| the media wont shut their yaps about me http://t.co/wIg9bcz4 | |
| just because i am allergic to wi-fi doesn't mean i can't respect it and recognize its useful applications. it is me who is wriong, im shit, | |
| now let's see that bad boy in 3d | |
| "i said i wanted to meet the KISS dudes! not that i wanted to meet and kiss dudes!" haha dont mind me, im just testing out some new material | |
| "Thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they...pray...in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men." #NationalAssDay | |
| apology letter to the juadge for grinning in his courtroom whenever someone mentioned my fun & clever web handle (SexBug) during proceedings | |
| im a proud member of an elitist clique which spawned from the entenmann's bakery product support forums back in the early '00s | |
| "FEAR IS USED 2 ENSLAVE THE MASSES," I SAID AS I RIPPED THE FUCKIN DECORATIVE CARDBOARD SKELETON OFF OF THE COMMUNITY CENTERS BULLETIN BOARD | |
| BACK OFF CAPS COP THIS IS TOO IMPORTANT FOR LOWERCASE | |
| BUY NOW http://t.co/4SQ3G1to "AUTHENTIC BIG TEX ASHES" Own a piece of history. Actual Big Tex ashes #BigTex #IllNeverForget | |
| @SidBeers i fixed it. its better | |
| @itsnickward 7 | |
| i was born in my motehr's bladder instead of the womb. the doctors called it a "piss birth" #Romnesia | |
| oh my god becky youll never guess who i unfollowed last night~~ cmon! guess!! ok ok ill tell you-- CBSNews | |
| @vinceness i rrefer to my self as bullshit all the time | |
| anyone else catch " MR. PRE$IDENT " applying nail polish during the debate???? nbullshit. highly unpresidential | |
| dont forget to write in candidate "Seagrams Ginger Ale" to get "Pointz™" and score some"Geer™". #lynndebate #horsesandbayonets #deathcamps | |
| i am very sorry for all my bullshit @digimonotis i would like to be friends again please just talk to me http://t.co/cziQX1uR | |
| @DigimonOtis Fuck yourself | |
| @DigimonOtis is a Piece of shit and I found an album under his bed full of pictures of condoleeza rice, like rthe one gaddafi had. | |
| @DigimonOtis ducked otu of a paintball match to make out with the fattest girl I ever saw and our team ended up losing | |
| @DigimonOtis cant get a haircut unless his dad goes with him to givr the barber instructions | |
| @DigimonOtis got spooked on 9/11 and tried to hide in a storm drain & the firemen had to yank him out and lecture him for wasting their time | |
| @DigimonOtis has no natural lips. its really fucked up and gross. he needs to put on lipstick everyday to make his face normal looking | |
| @DigimonOtis always sayig hes "on campus" but he dosent fucking take any classes he just sits in the cafe and plays with a dirty ass gameboy | |
| @LuckyStubbs @DigimonOtis Otis hsas made my life a living hell for 20 years. Fuck it. Im done. You win. I don't care | |
| @Tabletsman @DigimonOtis this is tactless even for you , tablets man | |
| http://t.co/E2xH8t4O http://t.co/eESRTyJz http://t.co/UN2fyxZJ your pre-election piss links | |
| Comments for Golden Shower: by Chris on 18/04/2012 "It sucks" -- by Chrystal on 13/04/2012 "Not good" -- by by Dashawn on 06/04/2012 "Hel" | |
| tried to take two screaming border collies into voting booth & some 90yr old election official fought me& yanked my pants off. fuck voter id | |
| http://t.co/zLoyi0fS thsis is the only candidate my followers are allowed to vote for. jeff boss for president on the "NSA did 911" ticket | |
| http://t.co/FMnQxKWr here is future president jeff boss grilling the rat man for hard answers. the nsa loves to post nasty comments | |
| i f you see a burlap sack hanging off of an overpass with a dick sticking ot of it thats me trying to fuck hurricane sandy | |
| how to convince my uncles to combine into one superuncle so that i only have to buy one christmas card? how to do it? how to ddo this? how | |
| natesilver 538 keep me good from frankenstein, werewolrf, ghosts,spook'ums, ,enchanters, and critters,on this nasty day !! keep me logged IN | |
| @DudeGurlz dead | |
| windows 8 disrespected by scum bags: the age of technoWisdom dies amid the screams of bloated, bleating hog`s &the laughter of moneychangers | |
| wheres the fucking list of all the tanning salons that are open during th e hurricane #PostTheFuckingList | |
| i found Heaven https://t.co/q3zPaTws | |
| BRAVE NYC FIREMEN IGNORING ALL EMERGENCY CALLS TO REPAIR MUSCLE MAKER GRILL #HEROES #GODEXISTING #SANDY | |
| @DigimonOtis I have reached the conclusion that you are a Nerd, and that further association with you will compromise my Brand Integrity. | |
| apparently there;s a base amount of @mtn_dew you can drink that will make the red cross refuse to accept your blood & i surpassed it, #Yowza | |
| candidate gary johnson pledges to cut down on online clutter at pizza hut debate, cites rampant misuse of the #Yowza hashtag | |
| RT @PekkaMoMo: @mtn_dew I live on long island where can I find gamer fuel for halo 4 | |
| @PekkaMoMo @mtn_dew try the fucking desert | |
| NOTIFICATION FROM LAST.FM - "RAUNCHY - BILL JUSTIS.MP3" HAS BEEN LOOPING ON YOUR COMPUTER FOR 9 YEARS NOW, AMBULANCE IS COMING | |
| *shoves bloindfolded man's hand into a bowl of slimy grapes * and this is God's diaper *sticks hand in spaghetti * and this is God's turds | |
| @tropikoala @boring_as_heck oh | |
| @boring_as_heck @tropikoala whta can i say. i fucked up. i really dropped the ball on this one. happy halloween | |
| >>YOU FIND YOURSELF IN A GREY CORRIDOR. HOW DO YOU PROCEED? >>PIECE OF SHIT >>SUCH LANGUAGE IS NOT BECOMING OF A KNIGHT. HOW DO YOU PROCEED? | |
| An empassioned Mitt Romney spoke. "My dear Americans." His tone rife with the gracious fortitude of a leader. "We must always eat Slim Jim." | |
| President Obama began to question the future of his country. Desperate for answers, he humbly knelt before a crucifix made of Slim Jim `s. | |
| As rioters descended upon the white house, he silently sat in the dark with a revolver & a glass of whiskey. His mouth stuffed with SlimJims | |
| the officer detected a single string of cum connecting my sickly brown dick to the Fucked vegetables. "no no" i exclaimed. "its a spiderweb" | |
| @Lowenaffchen this is one of the georgia guidestones | |
| http://t.co/xRCJBZNh this has replaced human intimacy in my awufl brain | |
| great news, boys. the town decided not to condemn my home on the condition that i remove the "intolerable meme shit" off my lawn and porch | |
| lets focus on piss farms. lets focus on piss farms. lets focus on piss farms. for the economy. we gotta focus on these piss farms | |
| @TrillHugs @JeanGreasy its a shit account. | |
| i just tattooed a qr code to my ass and when you scan it a picture of my ass comes up | |
| @tuxbeej it does not tuxbeej | |
| @mastronikolas it does not mastronikolas | |
| @PerformanceFart it does not performancefart | |
| HOW WOULD ONE REGISTER FOR THIS SUPPOSED "STRAIGHT PARTY" | |
| everytime jeff dunham makes his miserable puppets kiss each other a bridge collapses somewhere | |
| https://t.co/DgylHE2S thank you @toiletmaterial do not vote until you have seen this twitter background | |
| relaly hoping this election isnt a repeat of '04, when i got trapped in a brushpile and mistakenly voted for a bird | |
| IM TAKING A CRYSTAL INTO THE VOTING BOOTH ......... #PRANKS | |
| RT @JustcallmeSonic: @InYOUNGWeTrust I think 9/11 really happened. But everyone has Their opinion on what they think happened. | |
| RT @wrestleshoot: i hope barack obama gets lung cancer from all the cigarettes and drugs hes smoked. | |
| RT @realjasonrivera: HI LAZY PERSON OUTSIDE QUIKTRIP WITH NO JOB ASKING FOR CIGARETTES. OBAMA WON SO HERE TAKE MY MONEY THAT I ACTUALLY ... | |
| RT @JustcallmeSonic: Hell has come to America. | |
| @realjasonrivera @Johnklugjr hes right though youre bad | |
| @realjasonrivera @Johnklugjr haha i probably have like $10000 more than you | |
| @realjasonrivera @Johnklugjr you got a paypal???? | |
| @realjasonrivera @Johnklugjr haha you beg for paypal donations to keep your terrible website up and yell at people who do the same to eat | |
| @realjasonrivera @Johnklugjr your website claims to have been "running the internet since 2001", which cannot be true because its bad | |
| @realjasonrivera @dril im gay too and i love shit and im a nerd | |
| well its time for th e thanksgiving jokes. i already put a diaper on the turkey. did i fuck the gravy boat yet?? Need some feedback here. | |
| @sprotster I FUCKING SUCK | |
| As Per Tradition, Governor Romney Must Now Kiss The Presidential Legs, In A Show Of Perfect Humility. POTUS Disrespects The Gov By Declining | |
| i draw my psycho-blade and stab the shit out of a plastic tub with "waldenbooks" written on the side in magic marker | |
| im now boycotting my wife's delectable meatloaf until she marches to town hall and reverses her vote of 4 more years for hamburglar mu'bab . | |
| HOLD ON I GOT A JUSTIFICATION FOR THAT *A BUNCH OF SHITTY PIECES OF PAPER FALL OUT OF MY COAT** | |
| ive been legally advised to state that the video of me being escorted out of a hospital while clutching a nerf gun ansd making noise is fake | |
| FOX Broadcasting calls every artist, writer, lawyer & executive together to conclusively decide which color the Simpsons' nipples should be | |
| simpson debate ends with 17 job terminations, 5 injuries, & 3 deaths. the decision is made to continue depicting their nipples as black dots | |
| today. i will stay home and sharpen my balls. i will Hone My Balls | |
| @pizzahut please fashion me a noose made out of stuffed crust that i can chomp at while i hang myself | |
| @bug_deal Mmy submission. http://t.co/rJ7XZD7P | |
| @TalesOfGames owhh!! cant wait to sink my Choppers into this release. #theGameCraze | |
| found a bunch of blueprints, street plans and pictures of pregnant women in a suitcase labelled "Pregtopia" in teen son's room. please help | |
| RT @chuckwoolery: @RadioAnna @Mark_JekyllHyde Hey U disgusting piece of crap Its Chuck. U'r blocked. | |
| RT @chuckwoolery: @SimonsStephanie @MittRomney Sorry U are not up to standard for me. Clean it up . Bolcked | |
| RT @chuckwoolery: JEFFERY THE LIB IS NOW JEFFERY THE BLOCKED. HIIS REPLY WAS ZZZZZZZ. I 'VE HAD ENOUGH. THis is insane to back this POTUS. | |
| i have renounced Teen in all its formes, and am now ready to embrace the mom revolution . | |
| the hell genie cured my crippling fear of Smoking,. but forced me to incur the curse of having perfect skin and legs #InHighSchool #Allah | |
| i demand that the same tax exemptions granted to all religious institutions be given to my small businesses "Ass Church 3d" and "Ass Mosque" | |
| woah . the movie theaters are handing out pendants which glow whenever James BOnd gets laid during the movie #Good #ImmersionTech | |
| why are there online tutorials detailing the proper disposal method of the American flag but none regarding a "Toilet Heteros" gang jacket | |
| @OtomeFunction what did it say before, i forget | |
| @weepysweetmonty there vapid . | |
| i pull a small american flag out of my pocket and give it a bunch of tiny kisses in my day to ward off liars and cheapskates | |
| haha. woah. apparently if you dress up like a police everyone will think you're a real cop and you can trick people into crying and shit | |
| @hambeef ppoisonous | |
| i whip out two good uzis and shoot up a fence with the words "INMATURE PEOPLE" painted on the sid.e my father thanks me for this, via skype | |
| what if instead of chirping birds yelled stuff like "GHETTO !" or "Adoulf" or "ass". they would probably be a funnier animal if they did it. | |
| rreddit: IM an insufferable fucking prick. the computer has made me extremely wise ,but im shit,. please post your Racist Roommate Stories | |
| haha jokes on you halo 4 admins.. my daughter isnt really dying . i lied. thanks for the doublr XP Bitch. | |
| sorry oprah fanboys, but the Oprah MMORPG is a buggy mess, hasn't been patched in 7 years, and i regret playing it daily since i was a child | |
| excuse me? did you just call me a " buff dude "?? The proper term is "Muscleman" , you piece of shit | |
| im the ceo of legs | |
| my uncle is trying to stick my drawing of him (Chibi-Style) on the toilet with a refrigerator magnet. doesnt understand why it's not working | |
| #8ThingsICantLiveWithOut blame, denial, pity, rationalization, constant validation, superimposing fantasy, overcompensation and SuperPretzel | |
| #ReplaceSongTitlesWithTurkey israel is clowns at the circus, i stand with Muslom, ban fluoride, ban micro chip, all girls please DM me | |
| @joshingstern whats wrong. can't handle a little politic's? | |
| @joshingstern please unblock me so we can network our brands | |
| i refuse to partake in any hot black friday deals today out of respect for all the dead folks on the benghazi strip #shopping #deals #prayer | |
| @Ketherbound @vinceness stay on the computer all day and get sad and huge | |
| @vinceness @Ketherbound contest my spine with a gun | |
| No results found for "BORN TO GO FUCK MYSELF" | |
| :||‡‡‡||: " sex is abnormal " :||‡‡‡||: | |
| wussat? you think my sex beliefs are wrong? well,*tries to point to "THINK AGAIN BUSTER" written on back of shirt but my arms are too short* | |
| hey @joshingstern ypou accidentally erased this sick burn http://t.co/e8EYrLZR | |
| time for another rant. fuck igloos. shitty ice house.s too cold. for more rants check out my site. send paypal to theloneranter@rantman.com | |
| let's swap wine zines | |
| i sacrifice my most valuable gift card to the ocean to quell the intensity of the raging waters. forgive me, saladworks . | |
| @cranggbangger Keep My Damn Feed Clear Off Gross Shit | |
| see that dumpster labelled "SLAVE PISS"? bet ya dollars to donuts it's not actually full of slave piss. someone probably wrote it as a joke | |
| so i heard they invented a new type of mirror that spares me from having to lay eyes upon my extremely hideous visage. it's called a "wall" | |
| belittle mme. call me shit. throw hair at me | |
| @CullanDiffee nascardicktruckcummanballsguyaryanweedcarlegskissercockprick@bignutcorncobfuckass696drainagedeadgarbagedeadmanshit.biz | |
| @JaBounce86 im concerned abou t the width of your head, jabounce86 | |
| / ! \ / ! \ / ! \ " Twizzler " has Acclaimed your Intergram / ! \ / ! \ / ! \ >>> [Learn more about " Twizzler "] >>> [Return To Hub Grid] | |
| i apologize for referring to everyone who bought my official scent as "The Sucker Squad" in a private prayer to god that some troll recorded | |
| @rufus_lipschitz im not changing it until nicholson's lawyers force me to | |
| @TalesOfGames may God continue to bless #theGameCraze | |
| @JustAdamizer @Battlefield he hollered at me in-game. but. i would not axpect a bastard with a tactless avatar such as yours to understand. | |
| @intoyourheadpod maybe try not blocking me before i can respond "like normal adults do", you heartless, misserrable coward #PigAlert | |
| @JustAdamizer @Battlefield I recognize that hand gesutre. It is designed to stimulate sex to a womans Pussy (vagina). I will report it | |
| @JustAdamizer @Battlefield It;s called "The Shocker". The pinky finger is meant to be inserted into the anus, as well. You're a huge bastard | |
| @JustAdamizer @Battlefield im a dirty animal. i m a fucking bastard. | |
| i FIRMLY believe that beloved Super NES luminary "Funky Kong" woul choose Netflix over Hulu , in any Fucking universe you can throw at me | |
| I SUBMERGE MYSELF INTO THE CORE MIND AND CRACK MYSELF INTO THE BIT-WEB, MERGING MY CONSCIOUSNESS WITH ALL 18 EPISODES OF THE GASTINEAU GIRLS | |
| @ughaGHOST HMM NOPE | |
| ive been raising my hell mastery quotient with faerie blood & jazz musick to prepare for the town hall thugs coming to collect my leaf waste | |
| people have been printing lots of swears on hot sauce labels as of late | |
| my attempt to expand my wardrobr by cramming a pair of Damascus Jeans into the office copier has ended with tragedy. escape the 9/11 reality | |
| @ahuj9 diapers are not for babies | |
| im a 15 year old model, and Morgan Stanley Investment Management Is My Slice #IsMySlice | |
| Piss_089, noted pervert and imbecil,e made the ridiculous claim that i "love touching pieces of trash cans" & that my "gumline is fucked up" | |
| I want you all t o know that I am not angry. I am acutally laughing at this whole thing. But Piss_089 should ha ve his computer locked up | |
| @CoolBabyRat I Dont respond to th em. The're wild animals. They fucking want me dead | |
| @TRAPDYNASTY HA HA HA HA HA HA HA 8=======D~~ 8-====D~~~ 8=-====D ~~ | |
| how high does my postcount have to be before i'm eligible for Mensa | |
| This is f ucked up. http://t.co/cyqAL31G /m4m/ Gangnam-Piss Jesus christ. Holy shit man. Check out this fucked up man. | |
| @_peasants its me !! Hahaha. Did i just fuck your mind? Welcome to the web. Where things aint always as they seem | |
| @_peasants thats disgusting | |
| straight up-- im not here to make friends. im not here to socialize. im here because this is the only professional Mr. Bucket league in town | |
| Beware of the group of hauntingly beautiful Latinoes who will post nonsense on your vlog and hypnotize U into bowing before htier coward god | |
| ZUMBA IS NOT FOR MOMS!! ZUMBA IS NOT FOR MOMS!! ZUMBA IS NOT FOR MOMS!! STOP STEALING MY FRIENDS I WANT TO LIVE MY LIFE | |
| i hear by claim this guestbook in the name of the m0nsanto christianz. fuck u. fuck u. fuck u. fuck u. fuck u. fuck u. fuck u. | |
| @modestmusashi becuase i constantly post stupid shit that people hate | |
| some ass hole told me to get snapchat so i did and my name on it is "coward" , please make me regret thnis, please shit all over my phone | |
| 1 nipple, 1 male ass, 2 jeans pics, 1 toilet full of piss,you terrible f ucking people | |
| Jsut saw a turd. I'm done. I'm fucking finished with this. Keep your bullshit snapchat. ENjoy the hell you have created, trolls. | |
| @JustAdamizer @thebestleef @Battlefield please leave @Battlefield out of this | |
| my setup: 35 monitors arranged around my swivel chair in a circular fashion, imprisoning me forever in a 3d world of sex pics & sports radio | |
| #LeaveItIn2012 bin laden. kil;l the piece of shit | |
| i have a rare condition which is commonly known a s "pig ear", and if I was born in the 1950s i would have been euthanized #Blessed | |
| if i had the technical expertise to make "rage comics", i would do one about the cop who caught me trying to take my computer into the sewer | |
| i dont give a rat FUCk about your personal shit, about your politic's, about your ugly kid and wife, just keep the Christian sand art coming | |
| #ReplaceLyricsWithTwerk pppppppppppppppppppppppppp (big ffarting ass noise) fuck you fuck you fuck you | |
| sorry mom, but if U read my posts u would know why I spiked yuor meatloaf like a football & called it a "piece of shit". because i am scared | |
| oh sorry. "TheJRPGMotherFucker666" is my old user handle. from when I was a foolish child. my new one is "CockNBallsCummerShitheadShithead8" | |
| EMAIL CAMPAIGN TO MAKE THE BOARD OF HEALTH STOP CLASSIFYING MY GIRL FRIEND AS "POISONOUS" | |
| i take my gf on a balloon ride to propose. a field of wild flowers spells Women Are Crooks. "oops sorry." i apologize. "that ones for my dad | |
| @CapsCop NOPE | |
| a very nude, very fat pink man rolling down the corridors of an ancient temple, gathering dust and dirt like breadcrumbs on a chicken cutlet | |
| @hollenhammer im afraid that this will forever be one of the temple `s many secrets | |
| when I dropped out of middle school I went home& watched korean flash animation "i love egg" like 28 times with tears streaming down my face | |
| @MoonPeople It isnt me. I despise porn and sex. | |
| http://t.co/iNSY7WFx great. dale hates me now. fuck this website | |
| "you can take that 666 on down the road" is actually etched into my family crest and i scream it everyday | |
| as a youth, the boys would laugh at my large ears & call me "The Ears Bastard". but today, I have every epsIode of Sliders at my fingertips. | |
| #ReplaceBandNamesWithDad nutty professor 2 the klumps | |
| what a terrible coincidence that this shooting happened to occur on Gun Joke Day | |
| @TiffyWifffy where is he. wheres the ass hole. i hate him | |
| @JoseCanseco pissman Ultra | |
| one man stands, bravely defiant, against the impending fury of my massive, raw ass. a Troll snaps a picture and puts it in some history book | |
| i tried to drown myself in the toilet but my neck is too big to allow my face to reach the water so now im downloading some nice blogs | |
| whats wrong? u look like youve never seen a depressed,gruesomely obese Mature Hetero who also happens to have gorgeous abs & tight AZZ befor | |
| if you recently dumpster dived a combination dildo/inhaler emblazoned with the hot wheels logo, please return it. thats the only thing i own | |
| not many good wiki leaks lately. was hoping Julian woudld find out which individual or agency keeps ripping the gutters off of my house | |
| my nipples are purlpe because of an iron deficiency . NOT because i dont believe in god. so shut the fuck up, grandpop's grave | |
| the mayons were basically dumb as dirt and couldnt even predict the fuckin 9/11 thing | |
| @HORothchild no im boycotting the jpeg image format because it showed me an ass | |
| @Yelix when i kiss a nerds ass | |
| @darth__mouth h. | |
| the shaman rises https://t.co/cFfqi3yO | |
| @JO_Wizard WHAT THE...?!?! BUT THAT'S NOT A..... BUT I DON'T WATCH..... BUT YOU... EAAAAAGGHHH | |
| did you know that the bible doesn't actually contain any references to hell? or heaven? or christ?? it just a bunch of names & phone numbers | |
| i sometimes wonder how shaken the AB/DL community would be if they found out i was injecting my diaper with saline solution instead of Shit | |
| @pphafidtl no im screaming | |
| #MOMCHAT IS TRENDING. #MOMCHAT IS TRENDING. YOU HEARD CORRECTLY, #MOMCHAT IS NOW MAINSTREAM. EASILY ACCESSIBLE BY FALSE MOMS. FUCK TWITTER | |
| @whoa__there Im Just The Last Perosn Alive Who Gives A Fuck About The Integrity Of Mom Chat | |
| "RSS FEeds? ", i say as i stroke my goatee while leaning on my podcast's huge 3d logo "Never Heard of UM !!!!!!!!!!!!" | |
| pleas tune into my next podcast where i ask what the FUCK angry birds is and viciously mock the first piece of shit caller to answer me | |
| RT @simson: look | |
| #ff @HellYeahTweets @simson @golfblog @HusbandShit @apekiller @JokesFun @xwife @PizzaHutMan @Unemployed_Male @ChristianHacker @babe2 @KFCkid | |
| people who write "RT" and copy/paste instead of using the retweet button are the same people who changed clothes in the toilet stalls at gym | |
| @surfercat theyl;l do it until i die and then theyll drag my corpse through the rubble while making awful beast noises | |
| i hate vuvluzela noise. http://t.co/MZv2QI6O. | |
| Im about to get wild at 2:30am on this Fucking can of #Beer I found. I am going to use my grandpas knfie to "Shot Gun" it. #ThingsILikeToDo | |
| @yyler forever | |
| i need towels sent to my house . this is not a fucking joke this time | |
| @jitka nno. no ball | |
| im watching my gf transform into wolves . the wolves have the same tattoos that she have. she can turn back into a person when she wants to. | |
| Ӿ Ӿ Ӿ I will no longer be answering any sex questions in this website. Ӿ Ӿ Ӿ | |
| rating a porno "thumbs down" just because thegirl wouldnt take off her blue tooth head set is one of the moust fucked up things i ever did . | |
| @dogheadcoffee bad | |
| @robdelaney everything i post is a disgusting lie | |
| @EshaChainani no | |
| ever see a good app and say "oh i gotta get my hands on that app !!"?? that feeling is the spirit blood of my Web Strategy. I Am The Sphere | |
| @burningwhatnot This account is a Brand Opportunity Touchstone used by celebrities & rich policemen and people think it's awful but its not. | |
| reminder that if you jerk off tomorrow on christmas y ou are the bastard of earth. | |
| My lawyer has advised me that I should power the box off instead of dealing with hipster comments and trash insults on this sacred holiday. | |
| i want to put on a really ugly shirt but i can't because of trolls. AAAGH **unscrews lightbulb from lamp, throws it into toilet, perfect aim | |
| today's the day that i put on my high heel cowboy boots & stomp the shit out of the fake plastic son that my father raised before i was born | |
| i feel like if i practiced often enough and really focused i could learn how to shave all the hair off of my body using only my fingernails | |
| RESULTS ARE IN: The Pibb Xtra 2012 Gold Prize is rewarded to "Football". The Pibb Xtra 2012 Stinker Award goes to the fireman shooter. Bye | |
| @cool_pond @ConorTripler @Princeofass ass is nonsovereign. he is claiming to be the prince of it for page hits. | |
| if anyone knows what to do if you accidentally swallow an entire cigar while running on the treadmill please contact StogieLad@Yahoo.com | |
| in 1942 the US Navy sponsored an experiment which required 64 prisoners in Massachusetts to be injected with cow blood #FemaleLies | |
| @FailboatSkipper everyone who does this please also google the phrase "is knuckles the echidna black" | |
| https://t.co/JqyzTyl9 https://t.co/hSx1buQw https://t.co/XypytTp5 badfrog3333 | |
| for hte last time im not badfrog3333 im this guy http://t.co/KpjbucKS | |
| in 2023 an unassuming fat man will become the official currency of the united states. the economy will collapse because theres only 1 of him | |
| WHO SUMMONE D WRESTLERS TO MY YARD. I DESPERATELY NEED STOMACH MEDS AND IM AFRAID TO GO LEAVE HOSUE. MY BIRDBATH HAS ALREADY BEEN SUPLEXED | |
| "the ancient americans had over 20 words for sandwich but only 1 word for betamax. fucked up but real" says a future man to his crystal son | |
| please dont tell the boys at t he gym that ive been slapping clown urine on my pecs. they may not be totally understanding of the situation. | |
| cor blimey,. down load the Bing Bar today m'lord, follow MadeaREal,ItsReal_Madea, Madea_FunJoke,& MadeaPuertoRico, my beautiful daugter ~uwa | |
| #WhyGunsAreBetterThanLiberals THE 63RD SEAL MUST CONSUME THE SHADE OF BLOODFALL IN COMPLIANCE WITH THE NIGHT COMMAND, ANDMICHAL MOORE IS FAT | |
| fuck mad people. anger is a disgusting emotion. sick of having my account flagged by people who dont understand The Process | |
| *reclines in chair a nd ages 2 ,000 years instantly turning into a skeleton and then pile of shit* ah everything's going according to plan | |
| attn supporters of hashtag #JackOffForTheEagles: thgis is NOT an official, NFL sanctioned method of supporting our birds. use xtreme caution | |
| *aims revolver at the word "mosque"* prepare to kiss my steel, fucker. *accidently shoots a period at the end of it* NNO WHAT HAVE I DONE | |
| i hereby pledge henceforth to never piss on the floor of a public batrhoom. if youre "too cool" to care about this social issue then log off | |
| bathrooms in japan have virtually no piss on them. this is because the culture has instilled a sens e of humility within the people. no piss | |
| next slide, please. this is a chart showing piss levels in the lungs of eastern & western public bathroom goers. the discrepancy is obvious. | |
| for years i've put up with the piss lobbyists and their laughable attempts to silence me. i will not use th bathroom again until theyre dead | |
| fuck wifi http://t.co/ntA35Tsn | |
| @WilliamTheTaft sotp insulting me | |
| #ff @UrineFREE @starwarsman @Blogboi2292 @Diabetes666 @SonictheEduardo @PrimoHoagies @NetworkMan @fanjustthe @tigerwoodsjokes @depresed @toe | |
| car wash big man. big man thru car was.h can car wash be used on big man. can big man survive car washj. does car wash clean big man. #Bing | |
| @MrSpoonicorn @notdril reported. lock um up | |
| @vinceness hell | |
| i was going to make a joke about the food pyramid and eating mummies or something but i stopped because occasionally teens look at this feed | |
| barricaded in a lawless southern town for calling the one where pikachu choked on an entire apple a "filler episode" | |
| http://t.co/Tfa7VBWJ please. ask me anythig | |
| @jables617 NO NOT HERE | |
| if you have a problem with me kissing pictures of Dragons while driving the bus, fight me. i just ate like 30 hotdogs and im near invincible | |
| oh so when a pro foorball player makes a fake GF everoyne sucks his dick but when nice boys like me do it the cops demolish her with batons, | |
| @bubblebuttpapa all sports is the same | |
| i get really upset when matrix haters refer to the greatest cinematic achievement in human history as "bullshit time". youre a fool and liar | |
| cheers to whoever poured paint on me while i was handing out pamphlets warning people not to attend MetalGearEric's orgy #FAlseFlag666 | |
| used the last remaining amount of my spirit force to transform mny daughter into a mana blade so that she will never cry again #AFathersPain | |
| @goodreverend @MrSpoonicorn you fuck yourselfs for this bastard move . | |
| @castinemachine i got rid of it cus it broke my phone and criminals were usig it to give me heart attacks | |
| see if you can ascertain the recurring theme within this artist's compositions http://t.co/bebvxQsl | |
| @LewisBan just this disgusting twitetr account for now | |
| why is it a crime for me to confine garbage using my sweatpants and why does everonye on couchsurfing .org get mad when i yell at them | |
| RT @pr0w: @dril banksy * | |
| hats off to the shirtless man who found spelling error in my 2yr old tweet but failed to realize that everythng i post is irredeemable filth | |
| i believe in sex. i work with asphalt and i respect the asphalt. pain is my god and heaven. i am NOT a ＧＡＭＥＲ ＤＵ ＣＡＳＵＡＬ. sponsored by nestle | |
| @MrSpoonicorn jail | |
| @evillalon26 @ILikeStapler he killed himself on friday | |
| @Katdraken im a Dipshit | |
| @SexCarl @diaper_wolf horny supremacy | |
| @hot0213 THE BABE................................... #RaunchyonMLKBirthday #MLKRaunchyDay | |
| the experimental surgical procedure to make my tears stink less was a complete failure. im sorry everyone | |
| #girltime "dating",as we know it,is an outdated pratice that can be traced back 2 thge pre-sapiens imbecile, hurling turds at their pregnant | |
| @crystalproteins probably WHACKEN OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fuck otis | |
| me and my roving band of gorgeous cop punchers suffer the indignity of detecting the scent of piss. we pause and atempt to locate the source | |
| MEDICAL "PROFESSIONALS" WHO REFUSE TO TELL ME THE AMOUNT OF WEIGHT I NEED TO GAIN TO BECOME A PURE BLOOD IMMOBILE #THINGSTHATMAKEYAHOWLOFF | |
| nick jr. wanted to publish my memoirs - told them to take a hike with the kid shit | |
| is it spiritually advisable to circumcise my sons if they're conjoined twins attached at the foreskin | |
| the man who froze his shit and cut them into tiny disks to fool the coinstar machine is probably the closest thing to real life james bone . | |
| think im gonna bust the window on my microwave open and nuke my ass for a little bit | |
| *corsses out all the bad posts in perm. marker* mmm . haha. oh yeah. look at that *scrolls down and t he posts move* no. this wont do. oh no | |
| @drymangobird @dril maybe this make sense to ya. http://t.co/551SP9sY | |
| so you want to upgrade your jeans. i suggest you gather 3x daenim shards, 2x bug honey, and 4,000 ralphs. only then will u be worth my time. | |
| cyber link this post if youre a good person who remembers the things that are good and are not a bad person who likes things that arent good | |
| @electrolemon fuck yea i remember. backrubs. dunkaroos. bag clips. sunsets. teeth. all these things were sacrificed in the y2k crisis | |
| @pphafidtl hte nightmare is just beginning. google "sewer myth" | |
| @MrSpoonicorn my posts are top niotch and i keep myself clean | |
| and today's Golden Toilet award goes to the cast of Weekend at Bernie's 1 & 2 ofr disobeying the noble qur'an. | |
| from what i undestand gerrymandering is the process of manipulating districts in such a manner that gnarly dicks show up on the election map | |
| oyu investigate the mysterious object that falls out of my shirt onto a pile of bibles. your worst suspicions are confirmed. it's a hairball | |
| i just found out today that my best friend and confidant of 11 years is a beers drinker. this troper is NOT amused | |
| caught sneaking a runestone into the cineplex. the runes they sell at the concession stand are all marked up to shit. thats how htey get ya | |
| only thing stopping me from being th 1st diaperbound wiccan 2 scale everest are all the handsome climbers who're prejudiced aganst big peopl | |
| do not contact this account until you have truly felt the pain of a big male. | |
| attn teens who wolud crack wise abot my grotesque, misshapen ear lobes: i am pissed of, overtaxed and ready to die in the name of Lady Honor | |
| moms boyfriend think `s selling dioramas of discarded tarantula husks perfoming sex acts is "bad"; throws my 30yr old cozy coupe at me daily | |
| if heading to the gym and muscleshaming all the sweatnerds aint your idea of a good time then im afraid you are a waste of a daughter | |
| local orgy vibe ruined by man who made terrible dog howls while extremely caught up in the moment - bastard is now imprisoned in astral cube | |
| A GATHERING OF MISCHIEVOUS IMPS FIRE UP THE NINTENDO 64 AND RUN MARIO UP THE ENDLESS STAIRCASE FOR 1 HR | |
| TODAY WE EXPLORE THE CONTRIBUTIONS THAT WOMEN HAVE MADE TO ARENA PITBULL DEATHMATCH | |
| TODAY WE EXPLORE THE PROVEN INTELLECTUAL ADVANTAGE OF CHILDREN WHO HAD GENERAL HOSPITAL FANFICTION READ TO THEM IN THE WOMB | |
| TODAY WE EXPLORE THE LINK BETWEEN WIDESPREAD SOIL EROSION IN HAITI AND MY FAVORITE TV SHOWS BECOMING LESS FUNNY | |
| instantly the king of jail after telling other inmates that im in for dropkicking "WTFCraig" when he said avatar is a ripfof of bluemangroup | |
| what do I model, you ask? i model for those gag golf trophies that are given to bad players by coworkers as a joke. guy with twisted up club | |
| thanks for banning mme for having the username "WTCPuncher" , even though I registered that name before hte towers blew up in a car accident | |
| reviewed obama inauguration speech. not ONE mention of "varmints" #ProVarmintPres?? #getUmOut | |
| i jsut imagined a nude body and winded my self | |
| @robodex I have never been horny. I have never even thought about becoming horny. Get off line from me. | |
| i rip off my groundhog handler disguise on stage. "surprise bitchs. groundhog day is fake." i drop kick the fuckin groundhog back to the zoo | |
| @LEVEL5_IA please explain wjhy your latest game contains a despicable portrayal of the prophet Muhammad?? http://t.co/JfLLDN8N #allah #islam | |
| smear turds all over my dunce cap and kill me | |
| please put the king of skeletons back underneath his parkig lot before he starts yellin . disrespectful fucking rat people mother fuckers | |
| please @gangnamjokes. post the first gangnam joke. please. you piece of shit. please dont squat this account and gyp us on the gangnam joke | |
| @NathanielElmer no | |
| "do turds carry gneder. are there male turds & female turds." good question, Walter_PSX. hte answer, however, is not so clear cut im afraid; | |
| @The_Leinie_King IT SUCKED AND BROKE | |
| @ofoctaves mario tennis | |
| parking garage conquered by disgusting man covered in vaseline | |
| and here we go again. another civil symposium, bungled up and ruined by me, the horny asexual. everyone always blames me, the horny asexual. | |
| mabye this decal of the troll face saying "DID YOU TRY RESTARTING IT??" will make the boys in IT respect me &stop kicking my cube walls down | |
| whoever put "give skeleton huge titty" in the suggestion box: first off, this isnt a suggestion box. its a toys for tots bin. secondly; | |
| please. look at this thing on my ipod that i loaded up. it is called "the geico talking dog" and it is spectacular. please look. please | |
| my old phys ed teacher let`s me kiss his cpr dummy for $15 a pop and that'[s why im more mature than most of people on this fucking web site | |
| @ofoctaves HLUUUUUUUUUl | |
| Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Has A New Wine Out. I'm Dying To Try It But I Find His Governing Policies Questionable At Best. Such Is My Life Of Shit. | |
| open pastebin of LAPD shooter's manifesto. ctrl+f search for injoke staples such as "jeans", "diaper" and "toilet". no results. click x. | |
| maestro stands on top of my couch and waves baton perfectly in rhythm with my clicks and scrolls as i block rude accounts & erase sass mouth | |
| all the wonderful fictional characters i remember from my suburban middle-class 90s childhood break into my home & scrutinize my filthy dick | |
| during tibetan sky burials theres always the risk that the birds will eat everything except your dick and that people will laugh at the dick | |
| disappointed by lack of respect for the pope by the goofus brigade. i on the other hand respect the mans ass cheeks. i respect the mans legs | |
| if someone names their son or daughter "Funny Rubio Water Drink" i swear to god i will write your username on a post-it and post a pic of it | |
| before you make fun of the band that me and digimonotis started in 2002 called "Pube Supply", be aware that we didn't know what a pube was. | |
| IS BLUE TOILET WATER A RETRO 90S THING OR HAVE I JSUT NOT SEEN A CLEAN TOILET FOR 13+ YEARS. PLEASE HELP | |
| This site is dedicated to the love and respect of Asian women. If you are here looking for porn... "MAN ARE YOU IN THE WRONG PLACE!" | |
| Japanese;Chinese,Korean;Vietnamese are the only Asian women that I have ever known. That is why I use their look and experiences. | |
| not at all unreasonable to assume that everyone who has ever unfollowed me likes to engage in mystic forest ritual to make my muscles tinier | |
| so you DONT insure tupperware contaners filled with magazine cutouts of legs & feet? what if i told you some of these badboys are reagen era | |
| please watch my realtiy drama"shit eaters" about people who eat shit and are constantly goaded into cyclical arguments with their loved ones | |
| i would NEVER misappropriate funds from my panera bread gloryhole kickstarter to buy mustard gas,, you BRUTES , oyu selfish, horrible APES | |
| everyone screaming at me cus i accidentally made tge dog deaf by yelling memes at it. if the meteor kills us all i wont give a Fuckin Shit ! | |
| "the best part of U runned down the crack of ya mammas Ass when she-" ugh i fucked that up. wait "best part of yopu run down the ass w-"Shit | |
| ill have no more talk of mystery complaints regarding my screensaver of juiced ass dudes turning into snakes then back into juiced ass dudes | |
| I AM VERY BAD ARMENIAN LADY ! I AM SO BAD THAT EVEN DEVOL IS AFRAID OF ME ! I WILL TEAR ENYBODYS SPIRIT & GIVE IT TO HIM ; WHO PUT DISLIKE ! | |
| THE LAST UNBANNED ALCHEMIST ON EBAY | |
| i would appreciate it if the words "unconscious hog" were removed from the daily post article about me , as i am no longer unconscious . | |
| remember blowing on the CDs to make them work? blowing on controllers?? memory cards? pplease validate this broken man #PlaystationMemories | |
| to the fanboy who threw acid iat my face near fuddrucker`s, you can destroy my body but The Cloud will preserve my brand for millennia #PS4 | |
| the point being that thte damn computer should know exactly which download i want when i type "'chris matthews mindfreak" into the bing bar | |
| sky wiccan, lava wiccan, river wiccan, light wiccan, dark wiccan. thats all the wiccans | |
| @Sonichu1 subset of lava | |
| i imagine to the lice who live in my chest hair, my enormous, frowning head is God; their only beacon of hope, thats why i never wear shirts | |
| @aglaub13 as i have stated repeatedly on this blog, my favorite philosopher is Ben Stein . | |
| reading my revolting tweets to a focus group for several hours and escaping on a sled pulled by rats when it is time to pay each of them $25 | |
| PROSECUTION: could you please tell the court who exactly youre referring to when you use the term "Gender Folk"? ME: not to a bastard like U | |
| "Yo. Lets get some owl tattos." - something a hipster has probably said once in the course of human history #DOUChe #jokeums #heteroBoyLords | |
| sequester THIS !! *i show my ass. a dick flops out of my ass. a tiny ass comes out of the hole of the dick coming out of my ass* Fuck obam | |
| @kfc_colonel "son, if you think we deserve better, let me remind you that the large wooden 'H' affixed to our kitchen wall stands for "Hell" | |
| 1) i lie face down on sofa 2) infect me witrh lyme disease 3) it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests | |
| @robo_junkie no. this is a business proposition. no sex | |
| @robo_junkie log off. now. this is not a horny account. | |
| sorry. my "wrestle a pile of huge dildos for charity" event was a total imbroglio. all proceeds raised must now go towards my hospital bill | |
| review: koala kare diaper station with the fuckin bear on it. awful. sorry im not some size 0 model who can use this without it snapping off | |
| #ThingsGirlsLike ccalling me a fucking bastard and strangling me with their legs while my head turns purple and im horny and screaming mad | |
| #ThingsGirlsLike Moonlit Sega Rants | |
| I WILL REGRESS INTO PRIMAL FORM AND SHUN MY LOVED ONES IN ORDER TO POWER UP MY CONTENT !! I WILL GET RE-BLOGS AT ANY COST !! AT ANY COST !! | |
| http://t.co/V5SvukJwXO miracle bird. kfc kfc kfc kfc | |
| #FiveWordTEDTalks god is real... (real BOgus) #ThingsGirlsLike free copper wire #LiesToldInSchool principals have sex #MakeLeighLaugh no | |
| Thank you. Closure at last #tcot RT: @Mythbusters Adam and Jamie "Go Benghazi" in the all-new season premiere of Mythbusters, don't miss it! | |
| ive had it up to here with this benghazi fella. callin up a few rowdy boys to do some jumping jacks on his lawn | |
| i am the great benghazio . i need Truth for my justice hole #funButSerious #BanMeForMyOpinions #HowDareU #SomosFiOS | |
| did anyone do the "google ass" joke. did anyone do thr joke where "google glass" is changed with the word "ass" in it. hope a nerd sees it | |
| konami_Boi gives his baby daugther up for adoption so he can convert her crib into a display case for his exotic collection of sounding rods | |
| "although i cannot be the father she needs, i wish my daughter the best of luck on her life path. now let us sound, gentlemen." - konami_boi | |
| raise Hell to end workplace discrimination against men who suffer from PL (Pube Loss). force my boss to pay due tribute to my pristine mound | |
| if youre reading this NascarDustin, you are requested to appear in court for the crime of firing 600 chi needles into my innocent ass cheeks | |
| can almost hear the angels screaming as i plunge the dagger into my chest and abdicate my destiny as He Who Would Forge The Unwettable Denim | |
| buying some golf cleats? bet U high society FUCKS like to step on each others COCKS with these. i own this foot locker. your'e a child here. | |
| @deeptechfunk i reserve the right to blog my yap off in defiance of the trolling groups and hate communities who want to disrupt my cashflow | |
| i want the popular new animated gif of me looking at a messy old trash can while lickin my lips; Removed . Remove it off- site. Log it out. | |
| who remembesr the mower man screensaver. who remembers the fear of it. who remembers not even being sure if the screams were coming from you | |
| i just bought an Oscar on the black market and im willing to give it to the first bbw to send me a pic of herself fisting ehr own mouth. | |
| a particularly rude comment i received today has caused me to fill my pants wih shit. i will not glorify the perpetrator by identifying him. | |
| ddepressed, exhausted imbecile dragging an overturned port-o-john down the interstate, blocking traffic and getting honked at | |
| NEVER MAKE ANYTHING IN FLASH - FUCK PLEASE GOD @adobe #shit | |
| @tapecrumb @Adobe something that i wouldve used an actual animation program to develop i f i had any fucking sense whatsoever @adobe #cocks | |
| @iamohjay @tapecrumb i;m making an actual thing instead of tweening stolen graphics over stolen music like i did in my disgusting teen years | |
| @MikesRadTwites @tapecrumb @Adobe ya that's the one | |
| @tapecrumb @iamohjay http://t.co/iC6ofJbSL1 heres an album full of Shit from the thing im workig on, enjoy | |
| i paid good money for these sweatpants and i reserve the right to wear them to Game Stop without the wiseass brigade photographing mmy rear. | |
| @CNNSlowNewsDay nascar saga IV: elder blade: honor of car | |
| no. my bumper sticker of beautiful intergalactic bounty hunter Samus Aran saying "Im Autistic" couldnt have been the reason my car was towed | |
| @rface0 anoter sony fanboy. move along | |
| @XXXEGGUTOR " BASTARD " | |
| im redoing the funeral for my ass because nobody took the first one seriously enoguh. too many attendees yapping off & refusing to be seated | |
| i've just been notified by the oracle that late night personality jay leno is currently in Denim Mode. | |
| if you feel uncomfortable reading about my balls infection, click X. if not, pour a good big beer and let my feed take you to another world, | |
| fucked up that people would click X on my feed during what is perhaps the worst crisis i've ever faced. go back to the zoo. miserabl animals | |
| when people fuck with me on sites i head for the beach and take it out on the crabs. i punch their shitty little bodies, i kick dirt at them | |
| cancelling my livetweet of the pa flower show becaus of the SHIT you people have said to me, tthis is the bed you laid in, this is your hell | |
| "Destroy the content producers, destroy the content. This is , Bastard's Dilemma." - christwolf22, from his e-book "A World Without Content" | |
| purchased a cage full of rats in the hope that infusing my home with New Life will fire up my posts a nd score me the Bertucci's deal. amen | |
| #MentionSomeoneCuteAndBeautiful raynn the hedgehog. akira the hedgehog. mydnyght the hedgehog. venus the polaer bear. gomez the hedgehog. | |
| @Cryptoterra blood the hedgeohg. mewtwo the hedgehog. dwayne the hedgehog. muscles the hegehog. christ the hedgehog. marcus the hedgehog. | |
| dont know how a vandal wrote "Likes to Fuck" on my resume, but i do not like to fuck. please hire me. i need this job. i hate to fuck, pleas | |
| full investigation: bring me the man who threw a dildo on stage during my TEd talk. also the men who encouraged him by hooting and whistling | |
| i will never apologize for my ass no matter how many people close their accounts. i will never apologize for the gestures i make with my ass | |
| sheriff's department transmission decoded by anonymous: "Please Keep Rowdy Beasts Away From Mayor During Dog Show"--what could it all mean?? | |
| thr new pope has been chosen. you all ready for this?? his name is..... The Bible. #BloodOfTheEucharist #FwdThisIfYoureAWiseTeen #HeavenTeen | |
| youtube recommending large amount of gamestop dumpster dive videos to me; perhaps hteyve implemented a new algorithm which detects "Misery" | |
| tthis asshole brought home a tekken lanyard with "Phil" written on it in magic marker and wants to use it with the keys to his new buick . | |
| @Rad_Bug i can not sleep sound knowing a disgusting criminal is out there hogging my rightful Like`s | |
| @RAREMIRAGE corn on the cob | |
| as a lad i often drew 2 adjacent circles in a crude attempt to portray an Ass. ive since matured and only draw asses of the utmost precision | |
| @danieleastman Yes | |
| @wolfpupy mnever. my signature technique could bring serious injury if attempted by a layman | |
| #atlanticecon please disable all of your wi-fi devices to prevent Gremlins from entering this trustsphere of minds. inflation is a myth. bye | |
| @slidingsideways not even legendary blade Masamune could offer these awful creatures a death as swift & honorable as my patented Ass Crush | |
| wendy's contest to win lunch with dick vitale cancelled due to 'sex people'. entries infused with distinct erotic musk handed over to police | |
| the banned version of "'lord of the flies" where the conch is replaced by a fat immobile pug dog | |
| what th the bope use "google glass" #retweetthisifYouragirl | |
| @irldovahkiin i dont know | |
| @iamnotaboat i was dying, no one helped | |
| the audience gasps as i, @dirl, divulge onto webspace, my invalid opinions, quips, and horseshit gags while smoking 2 cigarettes ,simultáneo | |
| @juanitocbueno ---------> GET A BRIAN LIAR< ------- | |
| i'm pepsi rep kevin and we need $12m kickstarter dollars to make a pepsi commercial in true 8 Bit. lets show this new pope what were made of | |
| @weepysweetmonty my solemn vow of shit | |
| keelhaul my dick | |
| lets ACTUAlly shove atheism down christians throats. cram godless voids into their mouths which nullify the Prayers of their digestive tract | |
| @RobertMarkEnger yeah those god likers love to shit | |
| MMORPG (massive multiplayer online roleplayig game), FPS (first person shooter), RTS (real time strategy), T2DF ( tactical 2d dragon fucker) | |
| buck bumble caressed his dead gfs hair. "you will pay for thi s, Bastards." he grabbed two uzis and charged the gym, "Suprise mother fuckers | |
| @matchbox_420 BONE DEAD.......... | |
| @dril_replies How's your diaper? Want any of my sexy turds? ASS!! holy Fu,ckin ass!! Haha, good shit. Retweet me | |
| hosanna !! hosanna !! netbooks for dog lovers | |
| #iKnowImNotTheOnlyOneWho the pope | |
| haha get this, these people on the crisue boats that get stranded, they have to shit ON the boat, and sometimes they even touch the shit!!!! | |
| @dogboner They also have to eat the shit | |
| i just looked up the stats and the number of meaningful relationships ive formed is less than the number of public restrooms ive Screamed in | |
| i just heard someone was angry on a website and now im angry and people are angry at me for being angry at him and im angry at them too #hel | |
| yeah lets all j ust sit here and pretend everythin'gs ok while dick vitale sells his body to the wendy's corporation for big buck | |
| if i win that wendy's contest i will do the right thing and choose to set dick vitale free | |
| @iRespectGmail viral ??? now were talkin | |
| i turned myself into a skunk using an incantation posted by 11 year old girl on youtube. i should not have done this. please, please help m | |
| im sorry but what are the odds that 100 snakes would hatch from that huge egg i found in the swamp. in a way, we pretty much won the lottery | |
| my girl beliefs own, my sex beliefs own, my god beliefs own, my page owns, i m always yelled at, im always hacked , im garbage and thank you | |
| RT @pappajohn: will any one else in here be attending the realsavvymomsseminar | |
| i thjink i'd know the difference between Satan and a noisy washing machine with "666" spraypainted on the side | |
| @ROBOT_IRL @jokeappreciator idont know who runs that account but i am most certainly a huge piece of shit regardless | |
| i can confirm israeli android os WILL use a gui based on art assets from dreamworks The Croods & that this is exciting news for Crood likers | |
| uzbeks found attempting to modify their devices & remove the Croods interface are subject to public lashings and fines of up to 10000000 UZS | |
| i will never apologize for accidentally dialing 911 in my jeans pocket or accidentally begging the operator for a "cop massage" | |
| the next big online thing is men who eat Dog Food, schedule meetups to eat dog food together and form rivalries with cat & baby food eaters | |
| @_washu @Peeglass hte beautiful 50,000+ year old goddess Washu Hakubi, rightfull mother of Ryoko and Angel, makes an extremely valid point | |
| i want to fuck a sheet of paper | |
| a blank one | |
| @robdelaney i have made peace in hte name holy christ and will gracefully accept my ban | |
| GET PAID TO CRY - MAKE UP TO "$4.98" A DAY SOBBING ON WEBCAM -MAIL US TEARS FOR вonυѕвυх®- ABJECT HUMAN MISERY IS THE LIFEBLOOD - DIE A HERO | |
| (the presence of the sarcasm tag indicates that i do not actually want to suck god's dick. please dont derail this discussion with nonsanse) | |
| @babymole78 i can help with this-- you;re supposed to click the "follow" button on my page and leave it clicked on | |
| #10ThingsYouHateToDo jack off, not jack off, 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 | |
| ill have what 2005 is having http://t.co/m91eSnknfw | |
| http://t.co/0mE0QdieWF absolutely | |
| @Hermit_Thrush nboody has ever requested that u log in. | |
| these flawless squats on the roof of my van go out to the bastard who accused me of "going apeshit" a t wild birds unlimited in marietta, ga | |
| "diapers are for animal at the zoo". nmever in my life have i seen a more ignorant comment written online and overlooked by the hitler media | |
| i remark "mummies are made out of diapers" at the egypt museum. some cops jump out a sarcophagus and begin humping me as i roll on the floor | |
| on a rickety stage at some empty roadhouse, a True mississippi blues man is howling aobut diapers, unappreciated by the toilet using masses | |
| im not fucking finished deconstructing the god damn diaper concept, and im not fucking finished flooding your worthless feed with shit mouth | |
| NETFLIX DIAPER NOW #WOAH#Real | |
| my father banned me from taking shits after 8:00pm until i was 19 and this instilled within me a sense of morality and honor and respect | |
| @ULTRA_BONG go to bed dad | |
| @ULTRA_BONG idont eat | |
| i, turdghoul fuckass, swear to uphold the constitution of the united states of america, so help me Piss. ok sorry, now let me do it for real | |
| @glennbeck harmony korine's "trash humpers" | |
| i choke myslef with a bra on webcam and my face becomes so purple and bloated that the software no longer recognizes it as a face #sexlife | |
| @AmaznSpoderman its just hte #SexLife | |
| @surfercat @glennbeck only if glenn back sees it | |
| @Ant_Water @surfercat @glennbeck to his credit, doctors are often too busy counting their blood money to learn anything smart about body's. | |
| petition to change the twitter bird into a shittier, less noble animal, l ike a pig or an ape | |
| @Lowenaffchen trolls have cost me the Dairy Queen deal. Dairy Queen will not take my account seriously because of these people. | |
| SOLVE MY ASS | |
| http://t.co/lXs1ebLULn Fight For Your Brand | |
| @iRespectGmail @dril_replies normal garfield, water garfiel, shadow garfield, are all straight and i want that written down right here today | |
| i sense a demonic presence clicking x on my usless posts........... | |
| please stop calling my home with fucked up three stooges noises. my nine daughters no longer respect me after seeing me get mad at the phone | |
| YOU WILL NEVER WASH YOURSELF AGAIN AFTER WATCHING THIS WISE OLD YOUTUBE CLIP WHICH HAS BEEN ＢＡＮＮＥＤ ＢＹ ＤＯＣＴＯＲＳ | |
| halfway through the work day and my boss STILL hasnt noticed im stuck in a pair of handcuffs. ur dealing with the Master. #FuckU #BaldPrick | |
| maybe one of my followers could donate a tonsil or something so i can finally upgrade my dick | |
| i can't tell you how many serious UFO vids i've seen ruined by the slow zoom out and reveal of a man jacking it | |
| MOSQUITO cannot breed inside of faucet if it is running constantly... use this infor wisley | |
| log off., you piss covered reptiles, youre turning good bandwidth into shit | |
| please keep my denny's coupon gender rant off of wikipedia's list of notable tantrums-- it is NOT notable | |
| @Brohan_Cruyff IM LOGGED IN AUTO MATICALLY THANK YOU | |
| before the holy ghost died--- there was the father, the son and TacoBellMaven | |
| @wytelyon "BIBLE" | |
| @castinemachine only if u respect muscle | |
| i want to be wearing google glass when i see my wife in her wedding dress fofr the very first time so i can turn it into a big dorito | |
| my youtube account "ThePepsiEunich" has earned me $48 in ad revenue throughout 2010-2012. id rather die than let the GOVT take a cent of it. | |
| thte name "ThePepsiEunuch" was taken. to clear up any confusion | |
| @JakeMcPartland im The Pepsi Eunuch Bitch!!! i don't give s FUCK !!! | |
| ever since i read a life changing book i have desired the ability to morph into a Policeman at will. i will not divulge the name of the book | |
| they want to build a masque on the sunken remains of the titanic; dont let um | |
| @hehu42 thats why im a bing man | |
| @travi0li no | |
| a bunch of cops knock my colostomy bag on the floor and begin stepping on it with high heeled shoes while i jack off and ask them to stop it | |
| people always talk down on the Zoo but if your'e a shitty animal like me it is a great place to network and be gawked at for zero pay | |
| "Master Distiller Jeff Arnett explains what makes Sinatra Select's character as smooth and bold as the man himself, Frank Sinatra." it piss | |
| http://t.co/QlbDYzU1sD calling all my dubai followers to step up and pour a bottle of htis down my ass crack | |
| WHAT IS A "FUCK LUNG" | |
| IGN: "octomom caught Gaming" Gawker: "octomom is a gamer and i want to smooch her" TMZ: "ocotomom GAMES? hhuUWHAAT??" Wired: "octomom game" | |
| @Hexjackal onl;y if i'm allowed to pray 15 times a day and drink coffee and suck dicks | |
| #TenLiberalCommandments thou shalt kiss the dicks of our troops and lick their dicks also for disrespecting them and making them sad | |
| despite google's bullshit-- today is National Criminal Log Off Day. if you're a criminal then log off | |
| my big april prank: scream about my dick for 5 years on a website that people normally use to socialize with friends and loved ones | |
| I AM ONLY ALLOWED TO RESPOND TO 1 MORE CRAIGLIST AD BY LAW. NO STRINGS MUNICIPAL PUMP HOUSE SEX OR 14 FREE CINDER BLOCKS? IM HAVING A STROKE | |
| @anhonestmess my huge legs and a vile hunched back | |
| i am now pregnant with my own shadow form and i am looking forward to feeling it move around in my belly as it explores mme. this it real | |
| i roll a massive barrel labeled "Gangnam Content" into a lavish nyc party attended by high profile artists and accidentally crush a mans leg | |
| death to false muscles | |
| RufusPussy. PussysRufus. RufusPussyLord. PussyManRufus. PussyWhizRufus. RufusPussyExpert. Pussy_Rufus. PussyEnchanterRufus. PussRuf. | |
| i have never looked at my own dick in my entire life. not once | |
| my cigar rival just posted another vid.... time to leave the kids with nana , switch it to hell mode and outsmoke this BAStard | |
| the digital man takes a sneaky peek around the library,. activates his darknet chakras, runs a Grid search on "dale earnheartd wackin it" , | |
| @BenCravery who is doing that. give me his ip adress | |
| Cynical zombie nerd. Diabetic meme dynamo. Country gal. Mustard guru. Unrepentant photo blogger. Bacon dipshit. Entrepreneur. Goalie. | |
| going to prove once and for all that trolls are Bullshit by having a narcissistic meltdown on my tech humor wordpress & logging off for 5hrs | |
| @pepsi how many pepsi points will I score if I change my avatar to pepsi logo | |
| @pepsi die from dehydration | |
| number one. it is my right as a gold's gym member to bring barbells into the toilet stall and get my extra reps. number two. its not cheatig | |
| number three. the footage of me struggling to shove a barbell into a toilet stall that isn't wide enough is " FALSE " and must be earased. | |
| if you insult the tiny pepsi can at the bottom of the buzzfeed article your'e fit for the bathroom. i will never let you look at my posts. | |
| indie punk rock band "THe 9/11 Forgetters" wanted by police after imploring their audience NOT to watch ABC's wednesday night comedy lineup | |
| i will go to great lenghts to prove that i take real showers. i will send pH samples of my flesh to th trolls. i will take pics of wet tub. | |
| @clxrk i use some offbrand shit that my father boaught 200 cases of in 1998. dont know the name, the labels just a picture of a cobra. sorry | |
| my agent sent me a list of my followers & circled all crude avatars in red ink. if i dont block these people it WILL cost me the Arby's deal | |
| i want to see james bond do steampuck, i want to see bat man do steampuck, i want to see spider man do steampuck, and thats the bottomline. | |
| absolute horseshit that im being written up for painting "JORDACHE BOYS" on windshield when i can see the road between the letters just fine | |
| in veneration of the right honorable baroness my six komodo dragons will be rewarded one etxra " DIPEY CHANGE " and allowed to eat spaghetti | |
| @KloutSupport "There was an error getting your Perk. Please try again or contact support." what the heck. im a Top Influencer for christsake | |
| @KloutSupport i demand that you send me my bottle of "Spice Islands Beau Monde" for no reason whatsoever or else i will post my diseased ass | |
| plop all feeds with adult content on them right straight into the trash can. twitter is a businness site . | |
| i am nude, shaved, & ready to be submerged within the digital chrysalis where i will generate bigcoins by doing ki warrior poses until i die | |
| @Mike_Bianchi @Second_lunch why did he remove th arby's reference though. arb'ys is one of the most influential brands of 2013. hes a madman | |
| @mde_never_dies good lad | |
| blooper: it is implied that james bond 007 engages in sexual contact. this would never happen in real life because sex is revolting and rude | |
| the artist formerly known as "BubsyFucker" is no longer banned from israel. please keep the wiki up to date anmd withhold your judgments | |
| i have been carrying my prophet mohammed body pillow everywhere since i was 14 and i will never forgive the coyote who yanked it off of me | |
| unlike the rest of you clowns, i want to watch dog the bounty hunter's entire body morph into a fingerless leather glove for ASEXUAL reasons | |
| #BedBugsFeedLists blood, | |
| search "crash bandicoot is real">> Did you mean "Crash Bandicoot Israel"?search "no" | |
| i have posted severla high-res images of my teeth & gums for the inspection of the trolls. they will find that they look like a normal man's | |
| we have just been informed that more and more teens are buying "wax lips" from candy stores. do not be fooled. these are not their real lips | |
| yeah whatever pal; im such an asshole for feeding my nail clippings to the birds at the park instead of sending em off to the dunp. fuck off | |
| if you work with compute,r, if you know Code, if you do Code, please, please design a hot tub app that i can use in the hot tub | |
| been driving in circles with the wife & kids since 3am trying to find a place that will service my denim and we're all yelling at each other | |
| if youre following me for vids of me smearing chocolate syrup all over my chest. i dont do that anymore, and i suggest u read the holybook . | |
| I AM NOT AFRIAD TO USE THE WORDS "FU*K" AND "S*HT" WHEN DEALING WITH SNAKE OIL SALESMEN ON THE PHONE | |
| i have still not ruled out the possibility that the jellyfish i stepped on while collecting seashells at the beach was a False Flag | |
| @vinceness I AM WASTE | |
| http://t.co/eGp7M4l4FB were u there the day DragonBlaster laid down his arms & surrendered to the deranged corporate interests of Big Diaper | |
| my wife gives birth to a beautiful vintage schlitz beer tap handle. i kiss her softly on the forehead & put it on display next to the others | |
| apparently shirtless people are interacting with me on this site. please put on a tasteful button-down top if you want to fav or retweet me. | |
| cant deal with people who have such an utter disregard for brand integrity that they would log on without a shirt. this is not a pornno. | |
| i stumble into a nameless town and see an ass pressed up against a screen door. i instinctively turn around and walk back towards the desert | |
| i cna list numerous occasions where i have been discriminated against in a racist fashion just because i am a content creator . | |
| @tropical_dave red lobster kidzone and this one | |
| @Poopy_Pizza_Pal yea http://t.co/xf26vLIO6Z | |
| mmph *dips another tostito into an ashtray full of ketchup * ah it's so good *licks salty residue off of my bloated purple fingers* mhmm | |
| reddit user "IncestVader" has just confirmed that @RicinElvis is thbe culprit , is on the loose, and is going bonkers. please yell at him | |
| my uncle called me a Loser on television way before this guy';s uncle did it @cnn @reuters @infowars @gameinformer | |
| @robo_junkie @CNN @Reuters @infowars @gameinformer i can post sex things in times of crisis | |
| if death regulation affects my god-given ability to put holes in garbage and animals really loudly i will kiss the toilet 1000 times and die | |
| i walk by. my shirt has the words "ALL I NEED IS" written on front. you're confused until you see the back of my shirt which says "MUDBIKES" | |
| so which corporate twitter accounts are the best for hurling abuse and vile insults towards in exchange for coupons and. deals | |
| i hope to increase my respectable klout score of 99 by punishing the demons that plague my account in the form of unfunny post s | |
| @bread_thing no | |
| @johnglenpdx @glennbeck me too | |
| @poopiest more than god | |
| @glennbeck I was a big fan until you decided to get all Political on us. Unfollowed. | |
| @MuscularSon i wan't to get all my straight uncles to flick spoonfuls of sour cream at them leathers | |
| despite this being the 1 day that allows the legal use of "Ghanja", i will isntead opt to absorb the celebrated works of Foxworthy & Engvall | |
| http://t.co/Vq9OvjXyKJ Here's That Fucking Awufl Kfc Page People Have Been Asking Me To Re-Upload | |
| you know the ancient sumerians regarded men with wide-ass necks and tiny-ass heads as divine beauties and gave them gifts of gold and barley | |
| The SHeriff's Department Denies Your Request To Be Sat On By Muscle Ladies As Punishment And Would Like For You To Pay Your Ticket With Cash | |
| i would really like to attend my grandsons funeral but at the same time i just want to sit in bed and explore my body with a peacock feather | |
| @OneDragonZ i went to a long john silvers once | |
| if a terrorist tried to get me. i'd just say like, "gods fake dude" then punch the gun out of his hand while hes contemplating the hereafter | |
| @TriciaLockwood the way i talk ids really good and normal as hell | |
| if our lives were like a highschool cafeteria the cool kids table would be occupied by those guys who mess up their dicks for body mod blogs | |
| do nOT buy "grab bag" option at the Onion Brothers' Onion Emporium. it is a trick devised to sell you undesirable onions | |
| Teens React To Noise. Teens React To Bugs. Teens React To The Normalization Of Warfare. Teens React To Teens Reacting. Teens React To Fritos | |
| i will nbe referring to a certain soda brand as "p*psi" until i receive the $16 they owe me for years of aggressive social content strategy | |
| if a tree falls in the forest and a Teen Does NOt React, does it make a sound? ? | |
| now, bear wtih me here, what if, hypothetically, a teen reacted to "Yolo" **a massive sack of $$$ materializes in front of me for no reason* | |
| i probably spend the majority of my leisure time punching a hideous effigy of the caveman who invented sex | |
| my muscles begin to glow with the intensity of 100,000 sun` s. this can only mean one thing–––– there's trouble at the gym | |
| @katienotopoulos Data Coursing Thru Every Vein, The Ultimate Fusion Of Man And Machine, Sites And Apps Becoming Blood And Flesh Becoming GOd | |
| @TimmyFelch @fart @dogboner ive alwas wanted my name printed beneath a mummy's head | |
| uploading pictures of yourself crying is one of the big No-Nos of brand management. instead trry uploading a fun recipe. or a quick prayer | |
| obana. i know you're reading this. where's benhgazi. what did you do with the benghazi man. release the benghazi gems. #YouJustPulledAnObama | |
| @dhoodstr so what's the deal with benghazi. are you benghazi???? why is potus hiding from benghazi | |
| ok publicist says i gotta do one about the zach braff kickstarter ok uh uh*claps hands* alright–– what if instead of money he asked for PIss | |
| all the trolls talk shit about my profession as an artisan ass wiper. but when they see my fine selection of towels they beg for my services | |
| #PeopleIReallyWantToMeet #oopsiforgot #Celtics forget all of this garbage. when are we gonna nab Osama | |
| when people upload pics of misc.electronics and the shit just is covered in dust, crumbs,etc i usually have to sign off for a sec &cool down | |
| lknow what pisses me off?? people who drink milk and spit the milk back into their glasses while making a smug expression. also teenage . | |
| principal surveys the premises from his shitty Dodge Caliber, sees the jeans dealer trying to peddle his stash on school grounds & calls 911 | |
| apparently im not good enough for the pep boys to follow me on twitter. apparently the pep boys fan fiction i poured my soul into is a waste | |
| @hialysa im Shit efron | |
| @pepboysauto enjoy your circle jerk, tyrants | |
| @dril_wint im going to fuck your porch up | |
| DELTA FARCE, WITLESS PROTECTION, HEALTH INSPECTOR– THREE INTEGRAL COMPONENTS, PRIDE OF THE ANCIENTS; VITA INFINITUM; LARRY THE ASCENSION GUY | |
| @barfcaptain otis is criminal and a liar | |
| my agent said i'm not allowed to post in all caps anymore so i threw all of his award-winning birdhouses into the fucking driveway | |
| me and my lawyer just tricked my ex-wife into signing an agreement which orders her t o wear a dumbass cowboy hat to work #FuckU #LifeRuiner | |
| @Cheesegod69 btecause I was a detestable imbecile in life, and death has only made me stronger | |
| my gym teacher is outside my house right now screaming about how I owe him 20 pushups from 1973 and that my torso sucks | |
| when I see how far the repulsive DigimonOtis brand has come after I chose to disassociate myself from it I sweat profusely and dry heave | |
| i once sent DigimonOtis the dismal metacritic scores of his favorite digimon games and said in so many words "look pal, these are shit games | |
| im laughing at this really good ad http://t.co/JMoAYCGH19 | |
| @LAYS can I vote for the flavor that makes me feel like a depressed, nauseous slug after I eat a whole bag of it?? or is that all of them | |
| if you receive mail from me and it isn't posted with personalized stamps depicting my dog's pregnant gut then it is fraud. please rip it up | |
| somehow my "JOKE HATER" sweatband gets me more compliments at the gym than my decidedly ripped form | |
| what if all the locker room heteros want to kiss the gay player & it messes up their performance on the court? can we truly afford this #NBA | |
| im one of the best supporters of gay on this site. but. the top priority of the nba is putting the numbers up. we cant let players get horny | |
| it i s a DISGRACE that these people are finding exciting, new ways to get horny without my express written permission | |
| @MrSpoonicorn im gay for 2 things. clean shirts and women | |
| love, friendship, beauty– it all crumbles into dust. but Memes are eternal | |
| best 90s memory is gathering around the old oak tree with the boys and passing around trading cards featuring all of our dads #DamnGood90s | |
| still got my holographic Alan .. this sucker would go for $40 on eBay but i prefer kissing it every night and whispering "90es" #TopShelf90s | |
| the good things i like about 90s is there were no hipsters, no rap, and your odds of getting an infection at a hospital were slightly higher | |
| @ayne_sof dead wrong buddy | |
| @JayneHBeat no | |
| @ayne_sof thats not rap | |
| ok. so apparently rap did exist in the 90s. and i apologize. all the other objectionable bullshit i post here is real, though | |
| @gunghokitty no. i believe in the desert | |
| @diaper_wolf @degg the only thing this proves is that youre a doorknob | |
| @diaper_wolf @degg its 69. just kidding | |
| #questionsobamawontanswer SHOW US YOUR DICK | |
| @vandelayin i clicked the checkbox next to "Keep Me Logged In" so that's not possible | |
| a man in argentina is willing to surgically transfer hair from my Buffoonish ass to my weak, infantile chest and tattoo a jawline to my neck | |
| @extranapkins my father will be donating his dimple to me. | |
| @DerekRickers you started a whole account just to ask me if i'm matt? leave matt alone, he hates you, you dope | |
| @DerekRickers listrn pal, im matt, and i love Too fuck | |
| i invented the "bacon is good" joke. i invented the meme of people liking bacon. all sorts of people are copping my gag and im pissed | |
| hmm. myaybe we should tax Stupid People. and hipster. *the nation stands and applauds, I enjoy a successful career in legislature for 60yrs* | |
| going back to switch the auto-capitalized 'i's in my post to lowercase so people don't think im some fucked up nerd | |
| one thing I will Not tolerate on this site is users organizing and planning "Orgies", also known as Group Sex. | |
| #FreeJahar obama jsut ordered construction of a $5billion helicopter but no trial for Jahar because "we can't afford it". this is FUCKED UP | |
| #FreeJahar obama smirks as he signs the order for a $5 Billion Helicopter while the boston police beg him to pay for $2500 Jahar trial. sick | |
| #FreeJahar this is the $5billion helicopter obama wants to build instead of giving jahar fair trial. http://t.co/4v33qIkrSk billion with a b | |
| #FreeJahar knock knock. who's ther.e? jahar's innocence. the us gov wants to spend $5billion on a helicopter but cant afford jahar's trial. | |
| #FreeJahar New DHS rule bans Jahar's mom from giving her son a hug. Im crying. Everything is so fucked up. | |
| i have performed の祈り<mouth prayer> in all 4 directions of the compass to stop ShirtlessClyde94 from leaking photos of my ghoulish pud to TMZ | |
| i am notr, nor ever have been, a nerd, and i have used some very powerful swear words on this website that would blow most nerds socks off | |
| #unpopulargamingopinions nmario and luigi are Virgins | |
| #unpopulargamingopinions games are, in fact, NOT art, with the sole exception being Bugs Bunny Crazy Castle (1989) | |
| getting my loan approved at the bank by lying on my back and executing a series of flawless air kicks right there in the lobbby | |
| hm?? sorry, didn't see u there. i was just digesting a fascinating piece about how reading twitter for 9 hrs a day makes you a BEtter person | |
| i have never lived down the moment i pulled my pants down in the locker room and all the gym boys noticed that my dick was wearing glasses | |
| @brendlewhat thw worst actually, but thanks | |
| the villagers gather at the summit to hear my horrendous impersonations of futurama characters and grant me offerings of ivory and fruit | |
| @Hermit_Thrush This is the most fucked up thing you have ever done . | |
| next issue: should miserable, long-winded diatribes about what constitutes art be considered "Art" ??? | |
| does anyone like star wars?? well have i got a joke for you. today is may 4th, which sounds like, "may the fourth be with you", and that;s a | |
| BIG Bible Town is a multiplayer online game set in a 1st century world. The objective of the game is to create your own unique BIG Bible Tow | |
| "ey!! im walkin here" - me getting waterboarded by the us government | |
| there should be a policeman on the premises when they're naming these damn horses so they stop giving them names that aren't serious or real | |
| few things about this account. this is no gimmicks, strigaht from the hip, real shit. i dont "DO" pranks or gags. logged on, at your service | |
| my next 4,000 tweets are dedicated to all the good babes of japan and beyond | |
| please stop posting unofficial crabby road strips. i a m sick of seeing our beloved maxine being used to denigrate the lord and our troops . | |
| if you have ever disagreed with anyone about anything youre a sociopathic piece of shit | |
| kill yoursefl if you follow any of these brands: pepsi, mars bar. put a badge on your page if you follow these brands: eggland best, nabisco | |
| I DRIVE OFF OF A CLIFF AND SCRAMBLE TO RIP THE AXLE OFF OF MY CAR AND LIFT IT ABOVE MY HEAD AS I PLUMMET TOWARDS CERTAIN DOOM. ONE LAST REP | |
| AS THE GUILLOTINE SLIDES TOWARDS MY NECK, I PRODUCE A TINY BARBELL I'VE BEEN HIDING IN MY MOUTH AND LIFT IT WITH MY TONGUE. ONE LAST REP | |
| The wine imparts a foreign bitterness. How could he betray me? We were brothers. I fall to the ground. Execute a partial curl. One last rep. | |
| ibm scientists place two atoms next to each other to create "world's tiniest ass." government orders them to return grant money immediately | |
| #freejahar friends, i have just learned of another passionate freedom fighter who was betrayed by the us government http://t.co/Mh3WNkTLti | |
| what is quickest way to get sprayed by a skunk in a discreet maner | |
| i hope someone steals my tweets. because.. theyre bad! haha load them up in a big chuck wagon and take them to criminal hq where they belong | |
| instagram?? thats a laugh. if i wanted to see pictures of things i'd pray for eyeballs | |
| @prodigalsam Feel like this is appropriate. Again. http://t.co/v0vzSiIe5w | |
| @prodigalsam this is the most bullshit thing ive ever gotten blocked for | |
| @prodigalsam GOD DAm right you were confused, im all about top-tier content, ive been blocked by the sheikh of dubai for christ sake, Fuck u | |
| @prodigalsam you blocked me by accident again | |
| summoner draws a venn diagram on the floor with circles labeled "rude" & "illegal". my fat face emerges from the center and begs for treats | |
| i refuse to conform to typical standards by being "clever" or "funny ". i will never betray my spiritual honor by "posting good things" | |
| @Lowenaffchen also Skittles | |
| #WalgreensLatino please stop posting my username | |
| best is when you're shopping for bedsheets and you see one with a lousy thread count and you say to your buddies "this poiece of shit sucks" | |
| this needs to be addressed. if you see me along the road, please do not intentionally ram me with your car. this is the 4th time this happen | |
| on my deathbed, surrounded by loved ones, i bid farewell. i explode into 1000 totino's pizza rolls and everyone in the room tries to grab em | |
| @harej the funniest one., rest assured | |
| stop FUCKING calling me "EPIc Divorce Man", or i will terminate my pogo account and take my tokens wiht me. i am not a MEME, im a HUMAN BEIg | |
| the police gave me my wacom tablet back http://t.co/x5XQ2y5Mux | |
| #BenghaziInFourWords MORTIMUS BELLUM PESTILENTIA BENGHAZI | |
| looking forward to getting in some #YardWork today!! *trims 200 square feet of lawn with a riding mower and collapses like a sack of shit* | |
| #blogcon2013 im here and if you so much as look at me without having a Verified Account my devices will emit an ear-piercing defense screech | |
| #blogcon2013 waddling around the auditorium trying to find a place to set up my custom pc tower with "BOYS BOYS BOYS" painted on the side | |
| @Sizzler_USA please stop posting political message to my feed | |
| to everyone talking shit about my fine motor skills: *gives the Finger, checks to see if correct finger is extended, it isn't, tries again* | |
| the guy who put up this shield to prevent me from pissing on the public toilet paper should have considered my personal liberties beforehand | |
| i cast 1million holy spells on my yankee candle and now it never burns out and the flame grows taller when rowdy celebs appear in the news | |
| @VNDtoLAD this is a serious account. no jokes | |
| get me some of that fuckin Travolta denim | |
| http://t.co/ht1ueoTuNI what hte fuck are you doing | |
| @Estebandagreat That's not me, Estebandagreat. | |
| @Rad_Bug That's not me, Rad_Bug. | |
| @leh0n thw most important 'win' button i have ever clicked | |
| there are dead guys with verified accounts, yet i am barred from consideration due to the actoins of my enemies, or "Haters", on this page . | |
| im being TROLLed because of my pro-nascar beliefs for fuck sake!! why dont any of you care!?! why are you all just posting more jokes!?! | |
| i would watch a movie of a james bond kind of guy doing spy shit and rolling around on the floor and striking gun poses and it's set in hell | |
| the problem with some things today is that they arent good. but when you say that, Oop! Surprise! i'm being argued with and shitted uppon. h | |
| now i will be the first to admit that im an irredeemable son of a bitch/. however, i am also a piece of shit with no brain. | |
| guess what smart guy. cavemen didn't brush their teeth either, but look how strong they were. they also detested sports | |
| me and some extremely crude boys in a pickup truck scream "hipster" at some kid's lemonade stand then crash into a turtle and eat shit hard | |
| @glennbeck #Muslimgeddon #TheNineElevenOfLies #BloodPhantom666 #GhostPresidentHellGate #ANationWeepsIntoItsPillow #ThisOneTimeObamaAteABible | |
| "Ah!! Lunchtime, Boys!" i snort several lines of Hamburger Helper, tilt my head back and shake with unbearable agony as my head turns purple | |
| mayor unveils a huge tombstone engraved with "Incest". i chain my jeep to it and rip it down. mayor surrenders and names town "Incestville" | |
| received some very important secret documents regarding the Masturbators. not only do they enjoy touching their dicks, they also worship sex | |
| PRANK: say The Simpsons got cancelled and tape everyone's reaction. alter the footage later to make it look like their balls are hanging out | |
| #GooglePlayMusic ha ha some guy spent a billion dollarsr to put this boring ass hashtag on the trending list. fuck you idiot | |
| wish Obama would authorize some drone strikes against my ex-wife! *the act takes a more serious tone* Instead of doing Benghazi. | |
| there are rifts in the Frankenstein community regarding whether or not igor was tasked with jacking the monster off to keep it docile | |
| @wradical NO | |
| Good Lord https://t.co/inCGhw0io7 | |
| that'sd right folks!! i, adolf hitler, have been PRETENDING to like rap this whole time so people would consider me more eclectic! Ha Ha Ha! | |
| @diaper_wolf post the rear view you coward | |
| http://t.co/6b3eFiKWJ9 icant believe this is happening | |
| As a Digimon fan for over 10 years, I never heard of someone named DigimonOtis in the Digimon community, so his input is also invalid. | |
| @brian_hanson oh absoluteyl | |
| there's a twitter room where people with verified accounts go to talk shit about me and shit on my good name and make me look like shit | |
| i'll find it | |
| whats the deal with people handing me receipts after i buy things!! i dont want this!! fuck you!! fuck you!! fuck you!! fuck you! #Stand #Up | |
| so if the admin posts pictures of his varicose vein clusters it's ok, but when i do it my avatar is replaced with hands gripping prison bars | |
| I'm Sorry For Raising Cain At The Out Back Steak House Even Though It's Still Bullshit That They Refuse To Serve Me A Plate Of Just Croutons | |
| "what are ya.." i said to his face. "some kind of a FReak cop?" he desperately reached for his badge but it was fused permanently to his leg | |
| @ernest_borg9 @RichardDawkins impossible. for he has already denounced the neologism "OWned", and i cannot own him, nor him me, | |
| I have just obtained a historic deleted segment from Disney's Fantasia. It features a middle-aged man in an NFL jersey buying light bulbs | |
| it is official. im taking my football to prom and im going to kiss it and the nerds will never stop me. i cannot wait to savor their anguish | |
| phew. just served 4 years in afghanistan and not a single person saw my dick while I was over there. not one. hope they got a medal for that | |
| http://t.co/PlO3awKXRu i want to help the 3d dog give birth | |
| i do in fact keep a trash can under my desk so i can spit up a few nauseous loads whenever i get publicly humiliated by people retweeting me | |
| #momsandbrands now were talkin. can i network here. i'm a normal, real person. i think youre all good #LonelyWantuingDates #GoodAtBrandsAlso | |
| my booming voice echoes from the depths of your recently flushed toilet. "NICE TURDS IDIOT. HA HA HA" | |
| claiming reserved table for "uncle clean jeans." not on the list? hmm. what about "big uncle clean jeans." no? shit. try "kurt." ok ggood | |
| mmy "hype man", if you will, is a tiny 80-year-old guy who follows me around and apologizes for everything i say and do in a pitiful voice | |
| my hype man is notable. someone get the president of wikipeda on the horn and command him to resign for this shit job http://t.co/aRqScnDNUX | |
| ok go to your browser and type in godly erics twisted as fuck burger king reviews dot com slash good shit slash Clinton Soundboard dot s w f | |
| RT @mikecankiss69: I think the world should be in diapers and toilet should be thrown away | |
| feel obligated to inform TL: i accidentally touched a girl dog's nipple while petting it— deep apologies but ready to grow & learn from this | |
| think you got it rough? try engineering blog posts while trying to suck down two whole baby bottles full of muscle milk before Solstice ends | |
| my dick is satire | |
| you all can send me breast milk now. thank you | |
| @juniperjulip double stuf oreos | |
| i got a booth set up outside of the casper, WY red lobster to promote & expand my brand presence. if you speak to me i will call the police. | |
| @ebrawley nice setup | |
| who is that vile man lurking around outside of "ROFLCon" with a notepad, standing on trashcans trying to peek inside of the windows and shit | |
| @fart i want too live their. i want too smooch them | |
| @threeboy twitter should verify me because i invented the simpsons | |
| everyday i am harassed constantly by the phantoms of my own bullshit. my posts get me into trouble. please follow @Dril on twitter dot com. | |
| see?? it's happenig again. people are blocking me because i'm posting my opinion. @Doritios is sending me crude messages again. fuck twitter | |
| twitter to me, is a Collaborative Experience. ergo,when you shit on my posts it creates a rippling effect that corrupts the souls of all men | |
| @SexCarl i knwew it. i fucking knew it. twitter culture can suck my dick *RIps up $59,000 check from dairy queen* | |
| @robdelaney @SexCarl completely off the mark. i have stated repeatedly that brands are BIG in 2013 and i stand by that mantra. Remove this. | |
| imagine a guy whose desktop computer is an integral part of his drum set and he posts by tapping the keyboard with his sticks and it's me | |
| the advent of nanotechnology will eliminate sex when the tiny robots learn to massage our prostates and drink every drop of our terrible cum | |
| the champagne-sipping hipsters are constantly begging me to make my account more "INDY"... but i got 1 thing to say to ya― NOT A CHANCE BUB! | |
| i for one will be taking the high road by reserving judgement for the really good grumpy cat movie until ive seen it and bought the blueray. | |
| everyone please stop fucking posting for a second; i think i just inhaled a hair | |
| there is absolutely no greater account on twitter than @DinoMiteBarney. consistently on point , no guff, what else can i say . check it out | |
| @jakefogelnest don;t support this. please, please tell your followers to put an end to these miserable hate crimes. i havent slept in 8 days | |
| my step dad is apparently too busy kissing his shitty wife to attend my 55+ senior rugby league games. OH and guess what, we lost. Fuck tyou | |
| "all hail the PrankMAster, the King of Cranks", scrawled onto the wall next to my blue corpse and a rescue inhaler filled with tabasco sauce | |
| hah. i just read the entire bible and i'm still a lost., confused idiot. nice try, God. #BIbleFails | |
| @adamxii im not into that hippy stuff | |
| i was promised awful, screaming cicadas by the millions. i am starting to think i busted out my CICADA MAN 2013 t-shirt for nothing. | |
| @ClassicsOfGame Despicable As Always. Thank You, Classics. | |
| and then there was PreCumGary, a remarkable man who, despite his name, never allowed ihmself to release pre-cum during sex and masturbation. | |
| #e3rumors a stodgy executive wil get on stage, spread his legs, and officially "give birth" to the new xbox. millions will detest this stunt | |
| who are my top creative influences? easy. the geico cavemen. where do i draw the majority of my inspiration frpm? easy. the geico cavemen . | |
| @TalesOfGames dunther, twang lad, gunbelt, Holbo, daemetreus costco, fallen gordo, | |
| @TalesOfGames Tony | |
| if e3 does NOT #ShowUsTheGames, KeyBladeWalter, "Epic" Wayne Briggs and I will engage in disciplined self-immolation on the disgusting floor | |
| The offending article of clothing read "Big Bird Sucked My Dick & All I Got Was This Lousy TShirt". I have blocked this person from my life, | |
| i show my son the mandated GMO labeling on a pair of jeans at the store. "that's how you know it's a good cut. this is a good cut of denim." | |
| @Ketherbound when i change m y name to "@QuickenLoansLLC" in Q4 youre going to be Fucked. sorry | |
| the audience is encouraged to sink bullets into my protruded red baboon ass while i struggle to recite prose written on a toilet paper tube | |
| @QuickenLoansLLC thank you | |
| this gradient they applied to the iconic kellogg's logo is of no use to me. i think i will write them a nasty little letter | |
| theres an inherent sense of nobility, or perhaps honor, in the Shit that i post, that distinguishes me form my peers. undetectable, but real | |
| @911VICTIM What are u saying. Am i dead | |
| @lawyerron hy bud kiss my FUCKINAZZZZZZ and get your ass back to http://t.co/D8HFVwFs0x. itsr really hard to write these | |
| i've been publicly unfollowed by "lawyer ron" because of you fucking people | |
| @insomnius gross | |
| i am taking my 34-year-old son into town to buy him his very first pair of clip-on suspenders and we are both very excited | |
| @bumf_online onyl if i get 100% of the revenue and also a $250 fee for eating up my twitter bandwidth by Mentioning me | |
| trolls using "#ff" to add me to cruel watchlists for oppressive police beasts; ONCE AGAIN fucking me over, ONCE AGAIN making me shit myself | |
| @CNNSlowNewsDay Take me off this service. I don't want people to look at and see my posts. | |
| if cops can see this account already: im sorry for all my posts ,t force me to lick your boots CLEAN sir, im a bastard who needs punishment | |
| i hereby hand this twitter account to Obama's Thugs aand permit them to beat the crust outta me screaming and to piss on me. no trial. amen | |
| sorry for drawing this out but its important to note that im in Full Submission Mode, waiting for CIA's pig-faced cronies to whip & chain me | |
| i summarily reject the notion that i derive R-Rated pleasure by having jack-booted meatheads from ACORN kick me around like a chewtoy | |
| when i was young, i always dreamed of becoming an artist. at age twelve, my father taught me how to tie a Square Knot. Now i hate art, | |
| caught my son running a google search for " shit stain pussy ". i am beyond distraught. we are strictly a Bing family | |
| "☆ ★ One day, Miss Hannah Minx escaped from an anime cartoon and started teaching Japanese on Youtube. ☆ ★ ヽ(*゜▽゜*)ノミ" me too. that;s me | |
| my cousin was charged with arson(Bullshit) , and i was thinking we could all help out by drawing up some memes to display in his prison cell | |
| pikced up some arcane yoga tech that will suck my balls up behind my gut and allow me to achieve a marvelous Thigh Gap #ProAna #GapBoyReal | |
| maintainig one of the last serious accounts on this fucked up website is an emotional burden that could be likened to the trials of christ . | |
| i will gladly purchase the Horrifying new xbox for each room in my home and expose my nude body to its mandatory camera daily for kfc points | |
| a quick e3 prayer: i call upon our lord in heaven to ensurre that these perfect video games are not lambasted by criminal journalists. aman | |
| ever since i had that srtoke at cold stone creamery i feel as though i am more in tune with spirits, and the like | |
| i spend 2hrs on my back with my legs spread so it looks like the sun is setting into my ass from my perspective."haha the sun fucking sucks" | |
| obama and his crack team of nsa crooks watching me shit: "sir, he's scooting backwards so his dick doesn't touch the rim" "Thuis guy's good" | |
| i am about 50% certain that the doctors who took turns punching my egregious chode during my eye exam violated the hippocratic oath | |
| *stealthily dumps an entire bottle of gnc 100% pro performance whey protein into the dog's food dish * oh hey what's going on i was just uh, | |
| click this post to spiritually align yourself with Hot Nacho , the devilishly delightful blend of actual nacho spices imported from DarkNet | |
| click this post to devote yourself to Zesty Ranch from now to eternity , the cool, crisp satisfaction that all good mouths adore | |
| click this post to worship Everlasting Slime until your cold, lonesome death, the uncleansable taste of Shit ruining your throat and tongue | |
| i scan the docs & id the perp. "The Radio Shack Masturbator". bounty on his head. i put 100 bullets into my pistol and hit the god damn road | |
| sort of bullshit that im not allowed to be the wendy's mascot just because im repugnant to most people & woudl negatively impact their sales | |
| it's that time of the year when my father sends me pictures of jails and tells me that i must learn to Respect a good barbecue dry rub | |
| hell ill dry rub anything. an unpeeled banana. fruit gushers. all contain a latent power which begs to be unleashed by a superb spice blend | |
| i cannot eat this bowl of rice until i've personally applied a louisiana-style dry rub to each grain. i refuse to eat like a peasant | |
| that's the end of my dry rub rant. it's just my opinion. i have already received 20 death threats. i fucking dare you to block and report me | |
| i was also goig to make a joke about how putting a dry rub on the vaccines makes them cause less autism but the science is still out on that | |
| @RobSchneider what about the wind? i think it's the wind | |
| Q: are nerds allowed to read your tweetsA: no. absolutely not. only businessmen and christian women are permitted to read my tweets. | |
| "rat rod shit shack" | |
| if the twitter man is reading this: i don't like the fact that people are "following' this account and i would like that feature turned #OFF | |
| as someone who receives the middle finger daily, i have the authority to state that using both hands is superfluous and absurd. doesn't help | |
| cursed pair of google glasses adds world star hip hop watermark to everything i look at and cannot be removed from face | |
| how dare you fuck with me. how dare you fuck with me , on the year of Luigi | |
| im 14 year s old and im already more psychic than my dad | |
| how could a man with $0 get one of you 3d printer eggheads to print up some wild runestones for my daddy-daughter astral ascension ceremony | |
| just installed 500 security cameras around my compound & my sony wonderstation refuses to interface with a single one! hungry grab a snicker | |
| need nonviolent methods to knock out these security cams fucking up my protest of public toilet | |
| ＵＮＣＵＴ►ᴹᴬᴸᴱ◄ | |
| @ELLIOTTCABLE in order to fully grasp the "weird twitter " zeitgeist, i woud recommend reading 1 of the many articles publiSuck My BaLLS 666 | |
| i'm just like you, pal. eivery morning i put on my straight hetero jeans one leg at a time and pour myself some straight hetero raisin bran. | |
| the dj who makes crude dog noises on my radio every day should listen to my rare metals podcast & learn how a real content producer behaves. | |
| @Porn_Moth @ELLIOTTCABLE yeah im about to go to the library he works at and knock the fuckin books off the shelf | |
| assault on liberty: the local farms have begun smearing dragon blood on their pig troughs to keep me away from them | |
| yes. i can confirm that craigsli$t will flag your job listing for removal if you accidentally title it "buffalo wild wings toilet fuck". | |
| .@Budweiser Check out my tweets. I like the stuff you post on here. Please, have a look at my page. Love the 'Weiser. Bye. | |
| Yeah, some of us like to network with successful brands on twitter. The rest of you want to join hippy communes and suck the hippys' dicks. | |
| @SexCarl This is the most fucked up sentence that has ever been uploaded to a web site. | |
| @lowtax @BestOfWeirdTwit i look forward to purchasing this work of fine literature at perhaps the zoo or the circus | |
| it is extremely fair to say that my entire pelvic dick area resembles the singular breast of a pregnant European | |
| i love to build illegal temples around town. i love scrubbing my pitbull down with big piles of soap bubbles. i love to fuss and raise shit. | |
| waving flags, honking horns, trying to coax the kfc golem into shitting all over my mouth and my picnic | |
| Im here to addmindister beatings to all of the liars and cowards in this hot tub | |
| @PizzaDetective a tshirt big enough to cover my ass hole up | |
| sometimes i gaze towards the beautiful endless sky and wish that i was a bird. so that i could piss and shit out of the same hole | |
| someday mankind will evolve beyond "jokes" and i'll be allowed to paint big ugly dicks all over my house without suffering derisive laughter | |
| with advancements in technology we will someday be able to watch a 3d animated version of larry the cable boy go to vegas & get into trouble | |
| GRIZZLED WEB VETERAN: I KNOW 100 DIFFERENT WAYS TO OWN A MAN...ME: I Sure Hope Nobody Poisons My DickGRIZZLED WEB VETERAN: MAKE THAT 101.. | |
| MetalGearEric: You are being tried in the court of gamers for calling Ninja Gaiden "Weiner Gaiden", even though it is not called that at all | |
| my meme dissertation should be "put into the toilet"?? perhaps the only thing that should be put into the toilet are your harsh criticisms. | |
| @IamEnidColeslaw hibernate in a drain | |
| - barack "knock 'um down" obama -http://t.co/oW5xdmbLof- mad rodney - http://t.co/yTiRJSiEMX- chemtrail -http://t.co/E4km14dXL9vote now | |
| The absolute shit Im forced to put up with as a content Producer. Ive sacrificed my basic human rights in order to placate U fucking people. | |
| dont come on my account and lecture me about manual transmission until yoauve gotten BOTH of your balls snug up inside of a sweet sugar babe | |
| whenever i elevate my professional vitae through mind-blowing, dynamic content, i reward myself by fucking a book of carpet samples #Toonami | |
| @fuckj1_2 Go Fuck Your Self You Son Of A Bitch | |
| @gjonad eat a god damn bug | |
| @gerkygatzos fuck your ma ma!! you piece of shit | |
| i can tell how beautiful a man`s soul is by putting both of my hands on the hood of his car and thrashing my neck around to awaken god | |
| i think that turning myself Gay in the summer of 2013 would really impress my overseas investors | |
| *circles "become gay" on a whiteboard* | |
| i sit on a throne made out of dead Freshmen and drink wine from a Freshman's skull. all this can be yours if you become a cyber bully. | |
| trolls have found a terrible new way to antagonize me. it is called "retweeting" and it works by exposing my posts to scammers & crumb bums. | |
| HACKED BY ÝSKORPÝTX TURKISH HACKER THE ISLAM IS SUPERIOR - YOU WILL DRAW YOUR PUNISHMENT George W. Bush (1946 - ... )...2007 FUCKED USA | |
| zero of my so-called twitter pals gave me a phone call or offered me any aid during my harrowing ordeal iwth the hacker. may god punish you. | |
| you are all too concerned wih your fucking "Brands" to help a mman who was absolutely in hell for 4 hours you turncoat motherfuckers of shit | |
| due to the actions of bastards and human slime, my agent has advised me to deactivate my account for 18 hrs, to punish my disloyal followers | |
| as we speak, RickGameCube, Bradley_X, GodlyWalter17 and myself are planning an attack on the terrorist organization known as "Al-Qaeda" | |
| i'm absolutely covered head to toe in lotion and i am ready to sign on. you all have the privilege of interacting with a fully lotioned man | |
| Nudity is perverse. Nudity is an act of war | |
| @AaronCampsoup @Budweiser im going to strangle the turds out of your ass | |
| I have decided to officially unfollow "@Budweiser", on account of their complete lack of original, informative, or compelling content. | |
| i've been spat upon. i've been dragged through the streets. i've been pissed on to the Nth degree. all for the sake of making good ass posts | |
| i will pay a jpeg specialist up to $500 to put a black bar over the ass & pussy of my beloved rottweiler before i send the pic to my father. | |
| a mudslide engulfs a small village as I obliviously powerwash my bluejeans uphill | |
| posing next to a jeep and handing out business cards at the high school i graduated from 8 years ago, explicitly stating i do NOT followback | |
| RT @ImWaste: shitter 实在太牛了 | |
| i suppport LGBT... and GBLT ((photo montage of me sinking my teeth into a Good BLT)) #DaringJokes #HeWentThere | |
| my crippling fear of Hell makes me post really good things on my timeline #blessed | |
| my disrespectful teen son somehow got hold of a gluten product and now he wants to become a cat girl | |
| http://t.co/gigLk7tGJw this is how to fuck on craigslist | |
| http://t.co/aVeUH2d2KC good | |
| my dick sucks balls. pray for my dick | |
| hm? whats that? my dick looks like bozo the clown's dick? listen punk. i know for a fact you have never seen bozo the clown's dick | |
| i hold hands w ith my teen son *spikes the microphone* | |
| nobody's allowed to criticize anytyhing or talk about anything or like anything until my shitty terrible account gives the official go-ahead | |
| @drymangobird thbe NSA is really good. but it could be bad? please dont write any opinions about it until ive solved this | |
| @twoheadedpug only the good ones | |
| @Estebandagreat Fuck Digimon Otis | |
| @extranapkins I hate this fucking bunkum you put to my page. Get a grip on life | |
| @DinkMagic @extranapkins my turds and brain fucking suck and my toilet smells like a god damn turd and it also sucks | |
| @DinkMagic @extranapkins they suck | |
| @_justinwelch_ you missed the boat pal http://t.co/32rn5syqtv | |
| i just cracked into aCiDnEt and got my grubby mitts on BigCasper's [No_Incest] edit of the spike lee oldboy remake and im sippin #DraftBeer | |
| arms begin to glow & expand. "We must secure the existence of our people and a future for True Gamers." yes!! yes! im feeling more power tha | |
| Where were u when I was being mouthed off at. Where were u when my brand was tarnished by Mockers. Where were u when i got called a "Prick". | |
| i lure a group of newly hatched baby turtles into an abandoned warehouse using a photo of the ocean and turn them into moths #GOthicOrder | |
| simpsons marches onward into season 394. characters morph into grotesque mockeries over 100s of years. homer advocates cock and ball torture | |
| peeking into police station window, watching the cops Fuck each other. duane eddy's "Rebel Rouser" is playing and im nodding my head in tune | |
| PigPissClyde hid in a bush for 2 hrs and took secret photos of PigPissLou wiping bird shit off his windshield with a chipotle bag. Pure win, | |
| PigPissBen banning anyone who reposts the PigPissLou photos. PigPissWayne and PigPissEllis have already fallen victim to this PigPissTyranny | |
| Kathleen Turner will star for director Herb Ross at MGM in the comedy feature "Cloak and Diaper,'' a Michael Lobell-Andrew Bergman productio | |
| http://t.co/ynAtcVv42q im just going to post my ad here real quick | |
| ENOUGH *Throws All My Jacking Off Books And Jacking Off Memorabilia Into The Garbage* | |
| the classics(art carney, sid caesar) woud SHIT THEMSELVES if they saw these newer performers who INSIST on displaying their genitals always, | |
| *waches the Race War unfold in filthy computer chair, multiple tabs open, cnn msnbc, gawkrer, salon, milk duds** now THis is some good shit, | |
| @PhillyPolice nothing i have ever done is Legal | |
| http://t.co/y3sQDFTaG1 ths is the direction of the @Dril account & our vision of the future of media. This does not represent Final Product. | |
| nude bathing was invented by the vile criminal slave class of the byzantine empire and it drove the kind & decent noblemen absoutely bonkers | |
| @KolThur @willystaley climb into the garbage you uneducated clown | |
| The Bayer corporation proved the link between Masturbation and Homosexuality in 1968. Thbe debate is over. | |
| http://t.co/CrnIWgR0SP christ. no wonder everyone is so worked up...... | |
| DEAR COP WHO BUSTED MY FRONT TEETH IN FOR SELLING TOWELS ILLEGALLY, THANK U. IM ON THE RIGHT TRACK NOW. PETSMART HIRED ME TO JACK DOGS OFF | |
| web MD just told me I have "Fuckface Lymphoma" and that im an "Aids Man". in light of this humbling news id like to apologize for my posts | |
| i overhear 2 social media experts discussing hardcore brand strats for 2015. Next Level. i immediately duck into a restroom & hyperventilate | |
| bone prank: drop pieces of your skeleton in strategic locations to spook nincompoops and lame-os | |
| WHAT DO WE WANT"Memes"WHEN DO WE WANT IT"Instead of regular jokes" | |
| i had a nightmare that i kept clicking the logout button and it just kept logging me into this website again and again | |
| The Foundation For The Restoration Of American Honor Has Given President Barack Hussein Obama A Hitler Rating Of 34. This Is The Worst One. | |
| Hrm. This is troubling. *loads another nude woman* This absolutely will not do. *loads pictures of Modern Architecture* Ah, now this is good | |
| @Hermit_Thrush Use Cappital Letters Please | |
| .@Hair The cashier stood motionless, facing away from me while I attempted to purchase hair from your establishment in Galveston, TX. #Prank | |
| @CNNSlowNewsDay @hair Hair put it therem, not me | |
| @p3restroika dicks are only sold in cartons fuckface | |
| #RoyalBabyNames asshole doofus motherfucker from hell | |
| @Ketherbound Drink my god Damn piss. Drink my my god Damn piss. Drink my piss mother fucvker. Drink my fucking god damned piss off | |
| @Jaxon_Dillinger jeans | |
| @kanye stay home and Re Tweet me | |
| while you all dunce around here and kiss the stupid royal baby's dick; i'll be absorbing the scooby doo subreddit with a glass of #PaleAle . | |
| CALLING ALL MUSCLEFREAX— a country named "Ethiopia"' severely lacks Muscles. let's hit the bench and get heavy in their honor. #MuscleCrisis | |
| @Rad_Bug god damn if i aint getting thirsty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
| @Rad_Bug i would click the print button a lot of times | |
| The most fucked up possible thing has happened. Porno has returned to cyberspace. | |
| hello 911 police? ? yeah the official pf changs twitter account just unfollowed me. please put this message in the Files. thank u officer. | |
| all cops on twitter please help. i found this fuckin egg on a bus seat where a large man was just sitting. how do i properly dispose of it | |
| @jocoly if you think anything I post is funny you're a piece of litter | |
| i just shot a wicked load across the hood of m y dad's monte carlo and i'm feeling hetero as all hell | |
| my follower count decreases when i use these words: dick, cum, ass, turds. it goes up when i use these: brand, multimedia, sports, pepsicola | |
| @Insane_Cultist i get banned | |
| i had a dream that Jared from subway followed me & we started discussing new media objectives over DM. when i woke up i was eating my pillow | |
| @TalesOfGames i want to live ther | |
| im sensing some major bullshit coming from the graveyard | |
| I GOt Fired From QVC For Describing A Pair Of Jeans As "EuroVamp" | |
| @Rad_Bug those are all trolls who want only to terrify me | |
| you are treated to the serene visage of a waterfall cascading against the rocks. the camera pans out and its me vomiting all over my balls | |
| #FreshmanAdvice i will demolish you with my perfect upper body forever because seniors rule the shit out of this school | |
| "big the cat" is the most compelling figure that has ever existed in any form of media, and that includes book `s . | |
| @virgiltexas http://t.co/6FyJZcw6WV | |
| everytime i click on the skull, a random dweeb's computer chair spins around at a million miles per hour and collapses underneath his ass | |
| if your grave doesnt say "rest in peace" on it you are automatically drafted into the skeleton war | |
| let me justt play devil's advocate here and say that eating shit is really good and im a dumb shithead and i love shit | |
| why won't anyone fight me on this site. i want to slam one of you smug motherfuckers to hell, with the good words that i type and post here. | |
| @LuckyStubbs youre a rodeo clown from the sewer | |
| @mcdaldno Im going to erase this you god damn loony tune | |
| @france_xiii Piss on me, chief | |
| @daniellegee Im already dead. Fuck u. Keep em comin | |
| @_tbau It owuld be rude to eat you. Goal | |
| https://t.co/N71ABSorZo im seeing some real good shit on this website today | |
| im IP banned from this site in the usa but my Dubai account is good to go | |
| Perhaps the tier I aspire to achieve the most is that of the Milk Bone brand. Such flawless precisIon. Beauty; Grace. Truly awe inspiring . | |
| damn!! heres one for ya: if the classic dancing 3d baby aged normally, he would be turning 6,270 years old today #Whoa #TimeGoesByMan | |
| i can confirm that Somali pirates have intercepted my shipment of 20,000 glossy 8x10 headshots and are using them for vile purposes | |
| what i need is one of my girl follower to shovel garbage off of my dick so i can jack off and post a numerical rating of the ordeal online | |
| " BLOOD CURSE " to all the terrible motorists who threw debris into my bathtub as i carried it along the highway and made it really heavy | |
| @BenCravery not if you wrap a towel around yout head | |
| I am selling 10,000 of my followers to @CampBowWow for Nine Cents. Starting tomorrow you will be following @CampBowWow instead of me. Bye | |
| In Second Life. Im the toilet who slides around and asks superior avatars to use me, please track me down if you want to discuss "Politic's" | |
| Please Click On The Tiny, Burning Earth To Discover My Weblog | |
| CRISIS: "TrueBloodGamer" just switched his steam handle to "TroubledGamer" and is NOt responding to ANY messages, we must bow in cyberprayer | |
| HUNGRY-MAN™ was so impressed by my Content Flow & My Trademark 'Tude that they hired me as Asst.Toilet Boy and let me lick the factory floor | |
| @bugbucket2 HAHAHAHA!!! YES !! YES!! | |
| @cute_kyouko I will never post such info onto this bad website | |
| one thing my brand will never associate itself with is piles of filthy leaves | |
| let me explain it to you fucking nerds one more time; this aaccount is Above Humor. You will not find jokes on it. | |
| i.. im gonna lose it!! im absolutely ready to crap all my damn cum out !!! | |
| dippin my head out there for some hardball strapthug coplikes to handle my doofus and preg me down ,no wise guy shit #nerdland | |
| @redsnaille @Omnicromicon @chiIIdog @vinceness sotp bickering and buy my ebook http://t.co/SFGvnpEARc | |
| RT @LeCanotier: Dr Who gives a damn | |
| RT @Phil_NorrisFOO: Dr who gives a shit | |
| RT @AlexBrianWhite: Dr. Who gives a fuck | |
| No results found for "i invented black borat" | |
| i;m selling my piss and shit back to the grid | |
| i dedicate this oscar to the caveman who invented electricity, because without him― Film would cease | |
| ☠ ☠ ☠ CLICK ON MY ASS FOR MORE TWEETD ☠ ☠ ☠ | |
| i got stuck in a bramble brush while scouting for trolls and contracted heartworms and the fuckface twitter mods refuse to compensate me | |
| i want a medical expert to hook me up with those scissor that cut all your clothes off in like 2secs because im a large man & its a struggle | |
| some of my more savvy followesr are telling me they are called "trauma shears" but i need a pair specially formulated for a large mans needs | |
| and n9ow people are being abusive instead of helping me so i am just going to shut the monitor off and sit in the pitch blackness for awhile | |
| @mtraeg they fuckin STINK!!!! | |
| we're here to discuss the cultural merit of "Baby Crash Bandicoot RPG". please leave if you have nothing of value to add to the conversation | |
| i had not felt emotion in over 20 yrs. not until baby crash bandicoot's reunion with regular crash bandicoot moved me to actual human tears | |
| i fully intend to topple the DigimonOtis empire via a coordinated campaign of viral folk songs bolstered by my partnership w/ Bob Evans Inc. | |
| #HowToResistSex meditate upon the untapped potential of The Cloud and crank off | |
| @DrinkGrumpyCat send this entire misguided operation to the dumpster you vile urine peddler | |
| @DrinkGrumpyCat this bullshit has clumps of PUBIC HAIR in it. tastes like someone attempted to mask ACRID PISS TASTE with CHEAP SOAP. No buy | |
| i singlehandedly brought the OJ Simpson brand back from the brink of calamity and by God I will protect Yahoo. com from these online devils | |
| Dear drigl,An item you listed in the Community Market has been sold to Osama Bin Laden. Your Steam Wallet has been credited 0.27 USD. | |
| @losdrogas a jpg of a fish | |
| @zipoffs Mme | |
| the soldier yanks a perfect pair of blue jeans out from a pile of ashes while surveying a burned out truck. may god damn these perfect jeans | |
| i cannot live in a world where OrgyPrince calls me an "Orgy Coward" just because i refuse to attend his disgusting orgy | |
| i'll be wrapping this hog in tinfoil to protect my dryrub from the NSA until all this bluster dies down | |
| @chiIIdog @bugbucket1 @bageleyes1 http://t.co/jT9y9xJPVu look at thi | |
| need one of those janet jackson sun shaped nipple rings to protect my stupid-ass pud from hell cherubs | |
| The one thing that I am truly the most sick of dealing with online is Ignorance Likers . | |
| i spend the majority of my computer time #Frowning | |
| @diaper_wolf never | |
| @hambeef http://t.co/eDaXR5DeKZ | |
| i can in the year of our lord 2013 verify once and for all that shrimp are NOT baby birds | |
| my name is Tony Turds and i demand for people to take me seriously everty time i talk and also for people to like me | |
| thank you for emailing me the picture of the pillsbury doughboys dick while my dad and all my uncles were standing right behind me. Not | |
| if i ever find a sincere or heartfelt post on your feed im gonna take a SHIT ON YOu | |
| @egg_dog Fuck this. I tried to be a good poster | |
| bouncing my large mean ass on top of a shitload of stolen mannequin legs (girl) | |
| i just got word from cigarnet that the government has a secret vault full of #GUNS | |
| requesting preorder status on "Def Comedy Jam Tennis" - PS4 - Release Date: 7/8/15 (JPN) , TBA (USA) | |
| so what kind of Jeans shampoo do you use? paul mitchell's denim advantage?? good luck with that you fucking cretin | |
| https://t.co/UeK46Z1pYb Focus On The Issues | |
| RT @srfulton22: cAN A SHERIFF FROM ANYWHERE ARREST THE pRESIDENT,THERE YOU GO | |
| RT @srfulton22: @DailyCaller oBOMAS KIDS WONT GO TO JAIL FOR PAINTING | |
| RT @srfulton22: @FoxNews sTOP THE MONEY | |
| @TheKGBeast @boring_as_heck @RichardDawkins http://t.co/mPMqsvBAlH | |
| demonius darkblade has The Nuke, i can confirm that this large man has obtained a nuclear device and intends to use it on rude posters | |
| inbox full of people apologizing to me for their tweets. "Im Sorry Sir" "Ill Do Better Sir" i blow a shitload of cigar smoke onto the screen | |
| running a search for "fuck church" every sunday morning and scrolling through the assortment of wild teen yells is my version of church | |
| soryr guys. the boss just yanked my privacy tarp off and all further content is on hold until i can retrieve it | |
| Damn. Egypt's in trouble. Hold on im coming *DRops anonymous mask on patio and hoses it off real quick* | |
| @Maaever this is false. i have never made jokes | |
| @frumpy_fuu @zrok_ you have destroyed a powerful networking opportunity with this horse shit | |
| something like 43% of our nations topsoil is actually cave man shit. fucked up | |
| fourteen of my beautiful sons exploded in God's War and the army sent me a gorgeous mantlepiece of a wolf that I kiss everyday | |
| i just got an email asking me to join The Rat Pack. need to know if its real or not before i move to belarus to make textiles with my uncles | |
| im now aware of a vulgar & objectionable program named"Rocky & Bullwinkle". sign my blogtition to yank this disgusting shit off the airwaves | |
| i am truly baffled that some people would rather watch amc's "Breaking Bad" than indulge themselves in the good shit i constantly post here. | |
| suck 100 metal dicks for a 1/256 chance of viewing a lovely 3d cutscene | |
| You know, from the tone of your posts, it seems as though you actually WANT the Jeff Dunham brand to fail . | |
| i just sucked my own dick and got poisoned. no podcast tonight | |
| @MowtenDoo always absolutely | |
| @redsnaille @DrPhil "shit" | |
| @kahnfeed no | |
| @JakeKomara FUCK the brand | |
| buried in the center of stonehenge is a leather portfolio case filled with nude images of me. i consider these my most powerful nudes | |
| >>ATTEMPTING TO SEND FILE 'LIST_OF_CARPETS_I_REFUSE_TO_FUCK_ON_PART1.doc'>>ACEPT>>PLEASE ACCEPT>>ATTEMPT FAILED | |
| @fuckj1 @plopadop @bropeegy WHO CARES I DONT | |
| i woudl advise against "going commando", or wearing pants without underwear. the last time i did this i got a deep turd infection and died | |
| satan has his filthy little hand in my google serach priority and now when people look up my username they get pictures of dead camels | |
| moving pictures are a sin upon this earth | |
| plpease post suggestions for some wicked fucked up aspect ratios to help me trick my treacherous wife into thinking the tv is broken | |
| @awood78 nobody has suggested 14:88 yet. the hitler numbers. | |
| BURY ME WITH MY ASS......... | |
| im quitting my job as muscle beach lifeguard to achieve my dream of becoming the north korean secretary of teen moms | |
| my body is 70% water mother fucker. guns cannot harm me | |
| @VideoGameLoser no. the admins will ban you if you do this | |
| every day i thank God for making it illegal for cops to kill and beat me | |
| http://t.co/gFFTBY9aiA teen wolf wiki asks the hard hitting questions | |
| my dick and my ass are normal | |
| please get me the list of the dorks who have me blocked on this goddamned website so i can kick their lawn up with my cowboyboots | |
| @ShanusMcAnus PULL THE TRIGGER | |
| @oopsspaghetti 1) KILL2) MY3) SELF | |
| i go online to learn which cartoon characters fuck each other and log right back off before the corruption sets in | |
| @vinceness http://t.co/8Z4JGi8sTr | |
| @JakeKomara yes because those are the funny words | |
| every animal in my house is dying for some reason and i can't handle bullshit right now | |
| @Hermit_Thrush i fed them Lies | |
| i had an actual good tweet to post tonight but a tower of filthy dog cages collapsed on top of me before i could write it | |
| This is realhookah, not /r/hookah. This isn't for posting pics of the same hookahs in different positions, with different shit in the base. | |
| This is more for the seasoned hookah smoker.2 subscribers, a community for 2 months | |
| im going to be very upset if I shell out a thousand big ones for google's glass only for it to be 100% legal for people to do jokes about it | |
| lets set some realistic goals here : jokes banned by 2016. sex banned by 2020. a cop in every household by 2025 | |
| @super_bugs favstar is an important brand outreach utility & the fact that some people will misuse it by putting jokes on there is pathetic | |
| i will not hear any more talk of mars needing moms | |
| @DeBeers I WANT DIAMOND LIMB 'S | |
| digmon otis once mistook a beached toilet for a dolphin egg | |
| Police of reddit, what is the funniest thing someone you are arresting has said? (self.askreddit) | |
| one of my avatars is a floating skull with a big dick and sometimes my other avatars suck the skull's dick | |
| @DrunkHaymitchPN i dont want to | |
| a football jersey with "BAD SON" as the player's name found in a dumpster | |
| .@ToiletHelper hasn't tweeted yet. @CumDragon hasn't tweeted yet. @ShitLad hasn't tweeted yet. @Fat666 hasn't tweeted yet. @CleanUncle hasn' | |
| http://t.co/YuwPc6gAmx and to think ebert said this isnt art | |
| dont count the celebs out just yet, fellas.... i got the feeling theyre planning all sorts of those madcap stunts that drive all of us #WILD | |
| thius is not said nearly enough by all you ungrateful, unappreciative fucking jackals on here, but thank you @CNN. Thank you for the news | |
| i believe our Good Troops will try really really hard to make sure that the next 100,000 human beings they exterminate are losers and nerds | |
| the military industrial complex spent $99bil on dixie cups to ensure that not a single drop of our troops genetically superior cum is wasted | |
| Laughs Right In The Home Depot Man's Face When He Says They Don't Have Any Bird Baths For Sale | |
| a teen approached me at the food court and said "I see you wore your clown costume today" and i spent the next 9 hours processing the insult | |
| MOEHitler mrudered over 9million people you numbskullMoe uses the claw of a hammer to yank on Curly's nostrilsCURLYNyuuaagghh!! | |
| Time to shit. I excuse myself from the dinner table and enter a square, marble room with an obelisk in the center. I lock the door behind me | |
| the most important thing to realize for a safe and healthy labor day is that lizardmen are hiding in the trash, in graves, and in coffins | |
| @Xeno_Kid i will never apologize for being a stoogehead, especially not to a hitler liker | |
| two men emerge from sensory deprivation tanks"I just attained oneness with all living beings""I just fucked the Girl rabbit from SpaceJam" | |
| i habve been banned from over 200 dating services for being upfront and honest about my rotten, barbed dick | |
| i plan on working very hard to shrink my dick in the coming monmths. my goal dick is 2 inches erect | |
| i finally worked up enough courage to cry in front of the pregnant woman who frequents my gym | |
| i take a vacation to hawaii to relieve myself of the Trolls. a group of hula girls begin beating me up & calling me shit as soon as i arrive | |
| the truth is; a lot of these people making and laughing at shit and piss jokes are actually quite stoic when they're using the toilet | |
| i went to arizona accompanied by two desert goblins and smoked spirit leaf out of a human stomach | |
| brixon brings another round of buffalo chicken bagels into the abandoned office, placing them next to last weeks rotten batch. solemn ritual | |
| i love wearing clothes with words on them. like a fucking caveman | |
| @turdslut it appears you dont actually follow me, Turd Slut. if thtis #FF is some how ironic. Then you are the most fucked up person alive. | |
| @crystalproteins nope i can not | |
| once they put out a unicode symbol depicting a tiny ass i anticipate that the jokers & miscreants on here will use it for criminal purpouse. | |
| @wolfpupy im turning off until you remove it . | |
| *sees Tarantino get misquoted* You Bitch Mother Fucker *sees war supported on flimsy pretenses* Wlel, that's his beliefs and I respect that | |
| @flannel_toilet yes. i believe you should get yelled at for misquoting film's | |
| a horrible mechanical abomination attaches itself to my skull and injects my latest Klout score directly into my brain every thirty seconds | |
| say what you will, but i truly believe that this man, this Adolf Hitler, was one of hte most buzzworthy racism-likers of the 20th centure. | |
| now for a joke. a man named "the turd coach" comes into my bathroom and blows the whislte at my toilet after i fill it with shit. Penalty | |
| @robocosby he blogs on the issues. 5 star | |
| *covers up apartment's only window with a "Keep Calm And Enjoy The Posts" sign* yes!! mother fucking yes !! this shit is Perfect! god DAMN!! | |
| i plan on giving the olympics a right proper bollocking for lifting the tokyo 2020 setting straight from my cat girl novella | |
| NASCAR Forums >> Odds & Ends >> what are some good podcasts to listen to while listlessly fucking my wife | |
| @jakefogelnest NASCAR Forums >> Odds & Ends >> Repost: A Man NAmed Jake Is Causing Me Endless Grief | |
| i love to do bare knuckle brawls and my garage is adorned with various pornos | |
| this week's "Perfect Sniper Murder Hell Wish " goes out to that russian kid with cornrows who told me chester cheetah was a Dog in 5th grade | |
| *wactches a sniper headshot a butterfly while its still inside of the cocoon* Hm, absolute Ownage. Ihave never seen anything that good. | |
| sniper flawlessly zaps the lid of my beer jar clean off. camera zooms in & out on my astonished face accompanied by buckwild cartoon soundFX | |
| the sniper lifestyle requires perfect animal instincts and also smoking. dont join my sniper squad if u havent forsaken humanity& dont smoke | |
| perhaps by shooting a mam to the moon, NASA is the greatest sniper of all? nope. bull shit. it is solid snake | |
| i am beginning to doubt that most of the subscribers to my feed are mature enough to handle sniper info. | |
| well im going to keep this brief. i overexerted myself while responding to emails and got put up in the hospital. i basically need lungs now | |
| yes i can confirm that george zimmerman just fashioned a cocoon from Monster Energy cans and metamorphosed into a gun with angel wings #cool | |
| @thafruitytaste i see nothting out of the ordinary here | |
| @seafreeish nope i died | |
| go ahead, son. fuck your life up by taking that job as an ostrich breeder instead of working at my really good law firm until youre disabled | |
| i have absolutely zero interest in friendship, i have absolutely zero interest in jokes, i am simply here to collect data and earn respect | |
| the neighborhood teens have left so many burning bags of garbage on my lawn that everyone thinks that this is the place you burn garbage now | |
| @Pen15Fan Yoyu shut the fuck up right now | |
| Looking To Be Jacked Off Into A Basin - m4w - 32 (Trenton, NJ) | |
| today's the 2nd anniversary of the really good 9/11-related post I made two years ago #BetterWithAge #LikeAFineWine #MorePower | |
| @SidBeers christ yes. This shit fucking rules | |
| i will never apologize for being wild about apps and upgrades | |
| Number two. I will never apologize for defending myself from the onslaughts of jealous swine | |
| number three. i will never take the advice of my lawyers, my loved-ones, and colleagues to #StopThePosts | |
| number 4. the last one. i will hold this, The Content Creator's Pledge, close to my soul, on this sickening day of nine eleven. God bless | |
| RT @bedbugs99: ●▬▬▬▬▬▬๑۩۩๑▬▬▬▬▬▬●"We are the content makers,and we are the creators of memes." -The Content Creator's Pledge●▬… | |
| *kicks back and watches an algorithm remove all the circumcised people from my web ring* Huauha your fucked up dicks can't save you now | |
| @Connor_Hickey94 some things are more important than the brand . | |
| @zachakra i close my account and cool off in the bath tub | |
| ok. so apparently throwing knives at my car is A Thing now. apparently my Emphatic Capitalization is frowned upon by People Who Read Words | |
| @craigus12 Do it. Own me fully | |
| i'll just call every opinion i don't like a "Circle Jerk". i'll dominate everyone | |
| this man just likened me to a group of masturbators because i believe in the importance of an ironed pair of slacks. how dare he | |
| mean while, while you were "Gaming ", i tasted 100 different wines in a cave behind a waterfall and cried into a shaman's arms | |
| as an asmerican citizen i am entitled to the spookiest halloweens possible as required by the constitution of the united states | |
| @darylsdixoff this is very bullshit | |
| @Mike_Bianchi those things are me | |
| i hand the chipotle cashier my card. "i support indie" with a photograph of me winking. she looks up and sees me winking in real life also. | |
| @JDMFoodStamp "No" | |
| i will never allow myself to go to hell without finding a way to take my laptop and piss soaked mattress along with me | |
| huge disgusting man with extremely muscular fingers pokes at his tiny laptop while his emaciated servants groom him with squeegees #win | |
| judge refusses to award my criminal ex-wife ANY of my retweets or favs in the divorce proceedings #BLAMMO | |
| here's a list of touhou girls i want to have as a Mom someday & here is a copy of that list in case you accidentally throw it in the gabarge | |
| someone has filled the Stanley Cup with... BLood?? my god. such a powerful statement. how could we have been so blind. Sports is cancelled | |
| i have decided to forgo material pleasure so i can write about the experience and sell it to http://t.co/pAeRi93lur for Two Hundred Dolalrs | |
| Im Sucking Myself Off Right Now And I Hate It #Dateline | |
| If i catch U retweeting mainstream shit, like updates from The Weather Channel or pictures of food, youre finished. Go clean yourself up kid | |
| @crunkdumpster i do not want to have to read this shit at this current joncture . | |
| @spacej_me as long as that "anyone" is a Straight Jock | |
| @spacej_me only if you truly respect my posts | |
| @snapbackfedora my accout is fucking good | |
| to the trolls: i just bought a 5-pack of Oral-B electric toothbrush heads using points from my Chase Freedom card. could a child do that? no | |
| adult cop wrestler | |
| @jitka adult who wrestles cops | |
| @hehu42 thats my boy | |
| RT @GitRDoneLarry: Never forget today. I haven't! It appears some have. | |
| @GitRDoneLarry i will raze every forest and devour each city in blood tribute for the crime of 9/11!! please nbring back blue collar TV | |
| the absolute best place to hide your nudes is in a file folder on your desktop labelled "Clothes" | |
| the shithead principal cowers under his desk and uses a stethoscope on the floor to listen for my rough n' tumble boots and trademark Gait | |
| a cool prank is to convince someone to join the Armed Forces and watch them get spooked by guns & missiles in exchange for hollow gratitude | |
| huey lewis and the... PUBES?? haha. some things are too fucked up for even ME to submit on here...**backspace backspace backspace backspace* | |
| whoever sent me that vile picture of an undimpled necktie- congratulations for emotionally ruining a man and undoing years of therapy | |
| if they decide to replace the failing US dollar with killer quotes and refs from pg13 comedies then me and a lot of cool people will be rich | |
| @cool_pond thats the fake wintco, my broken web page, is , the real one, thank you | |
| extremely good shit http://t.co/Qh3JvV2ehp | |
| prime smut http://t.co/8RycXTsBiS | |
| RT @BabyCole2: wishing i was home in my diaper playing xbox 360 insted of being in class listing to a professor lecture. #abdl | |
| i'm truly thankful towards Irritable Bowel Syndrome for becoming an integral component of my identity and shaping me into the man i am today | |
| i have been secretly collecting my roommate's piss for 7 years. i dont know what to do with all of these jars of piss. i am extremely scared | |
| @Arbys @pepsi piss | |
| i have paid my son's school bully over $50000 to detsroy me psychologically . | |
| if all the girls and women in this town want to secretly film me taking a huge piss, then that's their right and god bless em | |
| it is generally agreed upon that my posts are considered to be the worst aspect of my twitter presence | |
| All Young Men Must Own A Spittoon At Some Point In Their Lives | |
| "stuart little 2" isn;t funny. somebody had to say it | |
| @p3restroika its below 0 | |
| @p3restroika no | |
| let me tell you exactly why this t-shirt design of the tasmanian devil with angel wings is bullshit. first off, taz is not dead | |
| if you see a man in a fawkes mask walking down the highway with a sign that says "Gamestop: Power to the Players" that's me and i need water | |
| @_fackelmann my mind is normal | |
| kissing pictures of guns online is one of the most honorable ways to get strong | |
| the conflicted supersoldier stares over the horizon as he smokes a cigarette. "war is the most fucked up thing ever." he takes a sip of beer | |
| my grave is just a huge tv displaying videos of me doing parkour in hell and it makes all the other graves look like shit | |
| @diaper_wolf i will not back down, i will never stop yelling online, tear down this post | |
| alright now. just checking to see if there's any interest in a livestream of me speed running this entire bottle of hunts tomato ketchup | |
| @ahuj9 @robdelaney i was explicitly banned from them because i am a loser and a jackass | |
| i put a firefly and a ladybug into a mason jar and have been closely monitoring their activities for 4 days. they have not fucked yet | |
| i have evolved byeond the need for "furniture" and i enjoy resting on the floor like an animal while counting all the cool cash im saving | |
| @BAKKOOONN please dont let the pharaoh see this | |
| @spif_ does brazil have any excotic PC games i can play | |
| I HAVE COMBED THE INNERMOST REACHES OF DARKNET TO BRING YOU THIS REALLY SICK PICTURE OF PEOPLE FUCKING EACH OTHER IN SUITS OF ARMOR | |
| @FullSail well i doubt you would have paid twitter good money to promote this program if it wasn't really good and also useful | |
| anyone else see that full sail university masters in new media promo-tweet which offers us the opportunity to "learn blogging"? Look's legit | |
| @samir Im a dunce who needs faves and retweets to live | |
| the straight truth. im richard simmons, rofl. i love kissing Monsanto Mwah Mwah. HOw's your twitter immersion now?? i also believe in God | |
| let us discuss the recent unveiling of user "@TurdBozo " and how that affects our creative collaborative efforts like, artistically and shit | |
| ah! ah! i welcome the trolls, the haters, the knuckleheads, the rudeboys, i welcome them to shit on my fucking worthless grave and kill me | |
| @Insane_Cultist I foudned buzz feed and it was my idea to take all of that sweet Koch Bro Cash and put bad gifs on the site | |
| When Jordache designer diapers were manufctured in 1994, they "seemed to symbolize Jordache's descent in the marketplace to discount outlets | |
| vvvvvvvvvv bullshit vvvvvvvvvv | |
| http://t.co/zjDicwHRyz you will never defeat me mother fucker | |
| if you're ever wondering if im some other guy, the answer is yes, im him, unless it's bad to be him, then im not him, im a different person. | |
| @doctorveritas Im, him | |
| @robdelaney the only thing real about me is my appreciation for the refreshing taste of #pepsi, #doritios, #hormel, #generalmills, et al, | |
| @Muzzleland Give me some good memes and ill post them. Im sorry. Im just trying to please everyone | |
| @Bro_Pair it's horrible and i'm very close to calling the police | |
| i do print my posts out on index cards and dead drop them at city hall. you have to get your teeth in the game, other wise youre just shit | |
| god intended for the creatures of his likeness to wear good tuxedos all the time and to paint their cars to look like it's wearing a car tux | |
| The reason the "Cars" movies have gained so much popularity is becuase the cars speak to one another. You don't get that with real life cars | |
| who will be brave enough to create a 3d motion picture about talking guns. who will let the guns tell their story | |
| Food $200Data $150Rent $800Candles $3,600Utility $150someone who is good at the economy please help me budget this. my family is dying | |
| @Dads_Secret please dont flood this information channel with sports info | |
| @craigus12 no | |
| the guy who pretended to work at pathmark and handed out free samples of dog dicks to innocent shoppers technically didnt break a single law | |
| i judged a chili competition once, whcich would make it a very good idea to hire me, because i would be good at using judgement on things | |
| @rigamarock @dogboner i am in no position to judge an ass. i do not deserve to judge an ass | |
| how many years did it take for moses to build the ark?? trick question. God built it | |
| @EmmmmRichardson they died | |
| i forgot to take off my joke shock ring before jerking off and the joke is on me because i flipped out and shot loads all over my curtains | |
| its govenrment shutdown time mother fuckers *steals a shitload of small eggs from a bird nest* ha ha ha | |
| the reason it costs hundreds of thousands of dollars to incarcerate people is that jail is really good and i like going there. Jail is good | |
| *sees another discarded poland spring bottle on the side of the road filled with piss* haha. hell yes | |
| please do not send any pictures of your legs to LegNut64. he is not a real leg cop | |
| alright. so we narrowed the name of our band down to either Traces of Mondo or Pepsigasm. and i already printed out 90,000 Pepsigasm tshirts | |
| https://t.co/77QLxjtCpV Good Ass, Top Tier Content | |
| after another day of getting Owned by #HateMail and #DeathThreats nothing beats coming home to my policeman wife and getting shot & arrested | |
| my fav star? it's the sun. because the earth would be a cold piece of shit without it. i also like the website called "fav star" a lot. | |
| @ShanusMcAnus itts also not funny or good. Cheers | |
| @craigus12 http://t.co/bXGZCtLC0k | |
| bigmouth fake priest telling me to "drink a shitload of holy water and kill yourself" as penance? this has happened at three churches now | |
| "i hope they serve dumpsters in hell " me, eviscerating a dumpster diver verballym, before closing the dumpster lid on top of him | |
| choppy vhs footage of me jacking off in a guarded prison cell and yelling "THE SYSTEM WORKS" upon climax | |
| @extranapkins @WeedCoffin you can even give money to it if you want to | |
| STEROID and CIGAR levels must remain equal . otherwise my organs will completely shut down and the quality of my posts will suffer immensely | |
| @BigBlackBurger please leave my ass to the toilet | |
| my opponent thinks hes hot shit releasing photos of me walking an iguana on a leash., but little does he know that iguana is Gentle creature | |
| i wear the oj simpson glove while i post . thats just a small example of how fucked up i am. Dont make me tell u more | |
| my name is WhiteMadeaFan55 and i demand ansers. | |
| #Bulls #Gators http://t.co/hkg6kdu9BD | |
| #TagABeautifulGirl i demand a date. i need constant help with my bullshit. i am tired of girls making me sick. i want to like the good girls | |
| #TagABeautifulGirl im good. im really good and normal. i want to take a women to the shooting range and discuss guns culture. i love humor | |
| it warms my heart when i see people of every race and creed, setting aside their differences in order to spew piss into my cage and scare me | |
| i finally beat the Guinness record of "most karate chops absorbed by a man" but it doesnt count because i was unconscious during parts of it | |
| hackers are finding ways to inject jokes underneath my posts and i ask my subscribers to remain calm unti;l ive sorted this all out with 911 | |
| @Skn0t I Found One Here | |
| a nice tip for halloween: fill up a jar with piss and say that it is a jar of frankenstein piss. display it on the porch with a strobe light | |
| another cheap N' easy halloween spook: sculpt a giant skull out of ground beef and splash blood on it and drive it around on top of your car | |
| http://t.co/JC9jwCb1z4 buuy me this if oyu love my content and want to rescue me from eternal misery | |
| God Bless the United States of America and the Constitution that this Country was built on. Grab yourself a Mud Jug and KEEP PACKIN’ HAMMERS | |
| my trolls & detractors all have gross mental issues. they love drama and are all jealous of my precious army man blood #truth #SorryNotSorry | |
| were you surprised to see me, gaming in the bathtub?? i am a man of infinite pleasure. come, hand me my robe. i write my own mr. bean skits | |
| #SingleBecause self-sabotaging loud mouth with a hook dick who worsks with men twice my age at a vomit processing plant and has rabies | |
| my opinion on politics: my opinion on politics is that politidcs is extremely good, but sometimes it is bad | |
| christ washed the feet of his disciples but not the ass. never the ass | |
| *hangs political cartoon of obama eating The Jobs with a fork and knife up on the office billboard* you see that? ?? hes esating the jobs. | |
| jesus christ. this man at the library is looking at the lowes,com homepagr instead of gaining knowledge. im gonna upload a pic of this clown | |
| *homepage | |
| and to the guy who said i have shit for brains: youre right. i do have... four brains.......... | |
| i am skeptical of the concept "Too Big To Fail" mainly because i am extremely big and i fail constantly | |
| the ceo of cash4gold just called me, crying. he tells me this—he says people arent respecting his brand on twitter. i fucking hate this site | |
| im role-playing as a piece of trash on the corner of market & 5th. in need of 2nd player to lift me into the garbage please. i wont pay you. | |
| Login: SewerLad Pass: FuckTheMods666 | |
| just as Christ was nailed to the cross to rescue his brand, i will be nailed to a Meme. my shit & blood will drip upon the funny impact font | |
| @FootLockerJapan you owe me one million dollars | |
| RT @officialjaden: When I Die. Then You Will Realize | |
| "When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie that's amore" nope. not true "When the world seems to shine like you'v" thats bullshit too | |
| thanks for telling me what " amore " is you dumb ass hole. i totally had no idea before i listened to this insipid song #TheThursdayNiteRant | |
| thinking i could bring my laptop to people who never saw computers, like some black tribe in africa. let them watch me game for a few hours. | |
| everyrtfhing I say and do is owned hereforth by the fine individuals of the Cash For Moms Online corporation. i beLieve in cash for moms. .. | |
| i walked in on two cops touching each other's badges in the unisex bathroom at saladworks and got a coupon from complaining about the ordeal | |
| @cool_pond fruad | |
| @kanye you forgot to retweet my good-ass post mr west | |
| i changed my mind. fuck cash for moms online. fuck it all. its nonsense that moms are given allthis good cash while I make $0.003 per tweet | |
| list of casinos I need to burn down in order to prevent my credit score from going to the dogs: ceaser palace, trump cube, chuck e cheese, | |
| @wetmom well i hate it. fuck chefs | |
| verizon wireless usa promotes an nfl tweet but refuses to support indie sports like hockey and soccer. meanwhile, my life is in the garbage | |
| the accident was not my fault. the speed bag installed in the roof of my car was obscuring my view. also the driver was a fake version of me | |
| just to clarify: "the studio" is a room I rent for $800 a month. i use it to compose all of the posts i type here. | |
| the onion AV club boldly assigns a letter grade to each phase of the moon while dozens of readers chant incantation into the comment section | |
| oh yeah buddy... i eat birdseed... and i ain't a FUCKIN bird!! #JustTheGuys #DamnMenTweets | |
| wearing my lab coat and analyzing an array of my own nudes in order to determine which one most effectively highlights my fatigued genitals | |
| outta all the users on all the sites on this big wide web of ours.. why would PriapismHaver777 want to chat with little old me.... | |
| @SexCarl im not about to dignify that with a respone. really fucked up of you to joke about the gross malfunctioning boner disease | |
| @brendlewhat too late im already engaged to him | |
| can anyone confirm or deny that the "spooky dicks" they sell around halloween each year aren't just rebranded dildos | |
| scuse me i gotta check this...ah, looks like my retweet was reblogged bty chief tech editor of Reader's Digest (yea hes verified). solid mag | |
| if i learned anything in business school its that you can disarm any competitor by insinuating he carries his turds around in his briefcase | |
| haha this vitter has probably gotten all sorts of boners on the Senate floor cause of the diapers. eyes buggin out, classic looneytunes shit | |
| @saladworks im nude | |
| got that content that drives u wild #fw @HellLife @ShitGirl @simpson94170212 @GymGod @GunMagnet @SpitoonMan @DragonSex @LifeAlert420 @Guns6 | |
| ONCE A MARINE, ALWAYS A MARINE. Celebrate and salute America’s 911 Force in the MONOPOLY: U.S. Marines Edition. | |
| he lived a rich, meme-filled life | |
| @hot_Girl_hamper yes. im it. | |
| as far as im concerned the best revenge is ordering wolf piss online & pouring it into soneones car. "living well" is too hard | |
| alright shit for brain listen up. i dont want this guacamole stuff youre peddling. its green and it looks sick. go home #TheThursdayNiteRant | |
| hey uh, it's just the thursday nite rant. if youre offended i dont give a shit. Thats whats to be expected from the thurdsay night rant. | |
| @trillbin the rant was already posted. read it before the mods get all emotional and tear it down. | |
| @Grzeg the popular tursday night rant feature has concluded for today. check out the new one next thursday. it will appear on this feed. | |
| please allow me to explain the mechanics of the thursday nite rant. its not officially thursday nite rant if it does not contain the hashtag | |
| if i make a rant-like post on thursday night and it dosnt contain the hashtag, it is not officially a thursday nite rant. its normal content | |
| @Nick09 the official hashtag of the thursday nite rant is #TheThursdayN*teRant, with the asterisk removed. only i am allowed to use it. | |
| @ebrawley if the event occurs wherein i misspell the official thursday nite rant hashtag, please let me know via email and i will correct it | |
| @average__joel i cannot reveal the subject of next week's thursday nite rant. my competitors will use this information against me | |
| @ebrawley TheThursdayNiteRanter@twitter.com . its not up yet. i will post an announcement when it is up | |
| accidentally printing out 20 ascii wayne gretzky nudes on the really loud printer in the school's computer lab #90sHell #DecadeOfTorment | |
| me & khryler are drawing up plans for a family restaurant with damn good jeans nailed to the walls. we will call it the hard rock jeans cafe | |
| phew. im out of breath from looking at blades online all day | |
| @dogboner @chiIIdog http://t.co/IDIvovf5PU | |
| holy shit. holy shit. you can order loaves of kfc. you can order kfc in loaf form. you can order kfc by the loaf #ByTheLoaf | |
| my new quote: "That's some good ass Hulu" (to be spoken after, viewing exceptional content on the hulu streaming site ) | |
| @luciferiano_ i rolled out some denim content last night and it was really good actually. .. | |
| bad news: were all helpless cogs doomed to ceaselessly perpetuate a machine good news: the machine is a Sega and were all sonic the hegehog | |
| most important art movements in human history?? three way tie between impressionism, cubism, and Bullet Time | |
| @Hawthornee_ meme 's encompass all art forms you street rat | |
| @leyawn now were talkin | |
| @four_eels watch "The Mentalist" on cbs and learn how to manipulate human minds like putty then use this info to make severe fucked up posts | |
| theory postulated by known troll "Zentai_Gary" states that i, @dril, go to the zoo every weekend to , in his words, "fuck the apes", and i w | |
| #ObamasPresidencyInTwoWords bun gazi | |
| @TheBossPop it didnt work | |
| #ObamasPresidencyInTwoWords IN1993OBAMAWASWITNESSEDCARVING ALCHEMYGLYPHSINTOAPUBLICBENCH | |
| and the award for best banksy tweet goes to.. "egg_dad_ebooks" *seven grown men rise from their seats and push their way towards the podium* | |
| @AgileTablet ievery thing i have ever posted is intentionally good | |
| @jakefogelnest if this is part of some elaborate mindgame i swear to god i will write some letters & i will get you fired from your pod cast | |
| ktxl fox affiliate just showed a pregnant woman on th simpsons #pregwatch | |
| i bought one of those craigslist peacocks. this fucking thing wont eat and its loud | |
| @dril first | |
| @super_BUGS yes | |
| please stop adding flintstone chewable vitamin commercials to the episode list. they are not real flintstone episodes. | |
| @JACKSONITIS @virgiltexas Good Shit | |
| *pushes a mini-fridge over* Fuck U | |
| @frat_father the real shit. | |
| you wanna come to my church & post about me sucking tiny ladybug dicks on the bulletin board? mm nope. that ain't me pal. That ain't my life | |
| @wikileaks "harpo" from harpo productIons is oprah spelled backwards. bam. welcome to the matrix | |
| the brief period in high school when DigimonOtis changed his name to BurgerKingOtis in an attempt to improve his image | |
| @Weishampel phew for a second i thought i was the worst, least funny thing on the internet | |
| @crushingbort i am attempting to enter the mind of otis in order to destroy him | |
| in 1998 donald j. trump sr taught me how to use a Scythe and it sickens me to see people besmirch his good name | |
| looked at a newspaper today. looks like we're getting taxed out the wazoo, with this president. anyone else see this shit? tax out the wazoo | |
| my name id yogi. greetings from albania. i would like to put the new i pad in jail. thank you for reading to my message. | |
| it's really messed up that im the only normal person on this entire site, considering millions of people use it daily | |
| @Mega_Turd im sorry?? i was under the impression that these accounts are good???? | |
| heres my halloween costume. im going as a bumblebee http://t.co/5HVJ3coeXl | |
| @dank_dino no | |
| @OffenFeind vulgar | |
| @Super_Bugs i wish | |
| @bug_deal truth be told— i only like the good ones | |
| @Number1TCOT have you ever had your hat fucked by a dick | |
| @DADA_VELI vermin | |
| reminder to all of my female cop followers that i worship female cops daily | |
| i tried to throw a molotov cocktail at a bird but he was too high up | |
| i believe labels are pointlessly divisive and have no proper place in our society but i'm pretty much basically a jock and not a nerd at all | |
| @iainyoungfans theyre murderers. all of them | |
| @Bro_Pair @dogboner @DinkMagic @Lowenaffchen my thoery is that the book is only being delayed due to stressful constraints from the trolls | |
| @DuncanIdunno @DigimonOtis @vinceness One Hundred Percent Yes | |
| you aall act nice to me on this site but if i needed $60,000 for saline injections all over my entire body none of you would give a SHIT | |
| @wmdhn some facebook bull shit | |
| whos gonna rake all these leaves up?? the police? #TheThursdayNiteRant | |
| @BrooklynJuggler correct | |
| @_Hermit_Thrush_ theyre dead. they dont have any nutrients | |
| @_Hermit_Thrush_ i regret engaging witht my clientele | |
| my dick is a beak now | |
| what if you took jethro tull "aqualung" & replace the parts where he says aqualung with "octomom" #BeyondFuckedUp #Sponsored @sheratonhotels | |
| RT @GoodLiker: @AnonymousWiki hi can u say for me how u did to know and lesson to be a the best hacker in the world? | |
| RT @simpsonsboy: low quality site | |
| RT @godmom: UNFOLLOW@GODMOM | |
| RT @brandlord: better not to tweet the latest but tweet the hottest-brandlord | |
| @Donlad_Duck go ask a sex account . keep your paws off of me | |
| hello newsweek? yeah im not gonna make it for that interview. some schmuck just pissed all over me. im covered head to toe in schmuck piss. | |
| @Buff_Wizard this ones real | |
| its absolutely my right to have a 90 yr old woman scrupulously vacuuming around my enormous bulk at all times while i groan and roll my eyes | |
| @Dads_Secret government thugs | |
| the professor said our assignment is to make.. a MEme?? i've got this shit on lockdown. i pump my fist and hop on my hideous adult tricycle | |
| it was cool when they yanked saddam out of the spider hole becausr i was like "haha that guys me before i had my coffee. thats me on monday" | |
| @JakeKomara thusday nite rant No.4 Uncut is currently scheduled to be released on Thursday, October 31st. | |
| @JoseCanseco Im going to throw all of your baseballs and baseball bats into the garbage | |
| "And th mark...theyst fhall beckon..bearers of the Mask.. doth verily, andth post really good shit, online" nostradamus predicting Anonymous | |
| cops should have two guns to get rid of crime faster . cops should be dual wielding by 2016 | |
| i gotta say both of these are looking pretty sharp. can't wait to go next-gen http://t.co/122XQOHPO8 | |
| @shoegays the aliasing in the ps4 shot is a little tighter. xb1 has better contrast, though. both of them wreck the current gen, regardless. | |
| this next dip of chaw is dedicated to the pursuit of muscles, and also my jeep | |
| There's no greater television program than The News. The News is the only show on TV that I like, and it's smart. #TheThursdayNiteRant | |
| i do understand that it's halloween and it's only natural to want to get up to a bit of mischief, but paws off my hash tag please. | |
| you must face the mirror daily and ask your self: "which brands will i touch base with today". you have to ask it out loud or it won't work. | |
| if youre a healthy young male or female with blood type O, please consider donating a kidney to me. my goal is 22 kidney 's | |
| to potential employer: when i said i jerk the dogs off at the zoo, that was a joke. the zoo doesnt even have dogs. theyre domestic creatures | |
| its the weekend baby. youknow what that means. its time to drink precisely one beer and call 911 | |
| U are the cancer that is killing http://t.co/Ibe04bsbBC | |
| to the fine folks who kicked my bare ass while i was trapped in the automatic door at walmart: why do you people insist on punishing success | |
| @BAKKOOONN Me to | |
| the desert has never helped any one and i am going to go throw poison at it | |
| @diaper_wolf of course i am mad | |
| @diaper_wolf i feel like posting some more good ass posts is what i feel like | |
| @ObligatoryFuck thanks for putting your failure opinoin that i didn't even want to read. | |
| im the man who got banned from the gym for trying to bring a mattress inside, and i have gotten significantly weaker since the incident | |
| nobody told me that" doing donuts" was some car technique. up until now i thought that it was just another way to say you're eating donuts | |
| @speedthemovie I thought this one w as really good, actually | |
| @RealSkeleton @speedthemovie Wow. Christ | |
| you little online fucks who sit in mammas basement and finger your puds cannot conceive of the #HELL that is pushing fresh, invigorating SEO | |
| the heinous y2k bug will bow to me and my glorious rifle | |
| atticus quiznos, cornelius pepboys, baron von sega; distinguished luminaries who voluntarily castrated themselves for the sake of the #Brand | |
| huge tub of au jus sauce with bottles of beer floating around in it is lowered into the room before the big game. "now that's, a power play" | |
| My dick looks like a cartoon character's | |
| There is a widespread campaign of fear being devised and perpetuated against me just because my dick looks like a cartoon character | |
| @jakefogelnest i might cancel this week's rant due to crippling dread and other real life bull shit. we'll see | |
| @BevisSimpson oh that actually is way too similar and now i look and feel like Shit | |
| RT @BevisSimpson: Most of my body is real but my ass is a cartoon in the style of Archie comics and my dick is barts dick from the Simpsons… | |
| if i ever subconsciously steal your tweets DM me for a frree 8x10 glossy of my horrible fucking face and a good ass arby's coupon | |
| @BevisSimpson the integrity of Fav Star is at stake . I Deserve death | |
| i think "mario and sonic at the munich massacre" could work if they did it respectfully & didn;t fuck with the formulas from the retro games | |
| woah. you can say "Houston we have a problem" in messy situations that have nothing to do with astronauts or texas? this changes everthing | |
| if the state ordered me to wear one of those shitty lapel cams i'd say "No SIR" & crush the camera under my cop boot while the public cheers | |
| @NotCoolOrFunny Fuck U citizen | |
| be sure to check out my repulsively athletic legs & thighs featured on the shitty offbrand bag version of wheaties at your local supermarket | |
| ***pisses all over shower faucets, wife's luffa, candles, knocks shampoo bottles off shelf with piss stream** it's fine because its sterile | |
| @Poopy_Pizza_Pal yoiu got some shit on your monitor | |
| @Poopy_Pizza_Pal no i am not talking about my post | |
| please respect the sanctity of UFO chat | |
| unverified accounts are fucking disgusting. they often contain base, lewd "humor", and i have mini-strokes whenever one of them retweets me | |
| my previous tweet was not the thursday nite rant. first off, it doesn't contain the hashtag. secondly, it's wednesday afternoon right now | |
| @the_A_factor i live in the atlantic ocean | |
| @Yelix Absolutely not. | |
| can any of you hook me up with some sports | |
| i'm really good at reciting my favorite quotes because my voice sounds like a cool movie character and isn't all fucked up and high pitched | |
| Had it up to here witht the chuckle crew. If you think my posts are bullshit I challenge you to come waterboard me and destroy me perfectly. | |
| the much anticipated photographic evidence that i take good care of my gumline has been postponed due to drama and agony | |
| yo Aesop... these fuckin "fables" of yours? Not up to snuff. Some weak fables over here. Go back to writing college. #TheThursdayNiteRant | |
| http://t.co/e777lTtelf When Is The Next 9 11 | |
| http://t.co/cgIujqF0P6 Thanks | |
| big bird was obviously just a man in a suit. but the other ones were too small to contain men. so what the fuck | |
| Thank you for the follow, @NBCSports . | |
| @NBCSports thank you for making the sports | |
| this is the national health advisory board issuing a safe reminder not to touch your dick for one hour after handling pets | |
| RT @aroonareejhsing: I AM AMAZED TO SEE OIN TWITTER TOO THERE ARE MEN WHO MISBEHAVE AND TALK PORN THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I HAVE COME ACRO… | |
| unfollow me if you hav e ever done or thought about doing war crimes. i dont want war criminals shitting my feed up | |
| just because i havent been seen in public for 7 years is no excuse not to wear a suit and tie before sitting down and eliminating trolls | |
| @BAKKOOONN why isnt this on the news | |
| RT @realDonaldTrump: #TrumpVine on ObamaCare website- https://t.co/Qk5hNM9pRX | |
| @LeoKinghorn @realDonaldTrump i dont | |
| @realDonaldTrump my car has a beehive somewhere inside of it and i think "the donald" should fire it | |
| @ARHassing 1) i dont claim to be an actual person. 2) im not good | |
| @MobilSuitGoatse @BAKKOOONN thinking mostly about throwing large amounts of them into the garbage. like 1,000 of them maybe | |
| just a little casual assplay at the farmer's market | |
| after careful consideration, ive decided to fuck the green m&m because they made it look like a girl. i would not fuck the red or yellow m&m | |
| http://t.co/50D8jZjEvP #NoFuck | |
| are thtere any adverse health affects to chemically suppressing puberty until the age of 49 | |
| effects i mean. | |
| you see that fucked up mattress over there? that's where i practice my combos | |
| even if you only know the basic techniques there is over 100,000 different combos you can do. the government is hard at work naming them all | |
| @dennythejet graceful and poignant | |
| if each of my followers send me 1 rag i might be able to clean up all the messes in my house | |
| @SidBeers sing to God | |
| RT @GenOpportunity: The best DJ in Miami talking about how #obamacare hurts our generation. You can #optout! @josephmicha3l @univmiami http… | |
| @vinceness ALL SHIT | |
| i think that wearing a jumpsuit emblazoned with the official logo of my twitter account while i indie develop would make my posts good again | |
| @PizzaHutCares @LanaDelSunreys the pizza hut pube team | |
| @shutupstopa get this crap off | |
| roving online gangs are promoting disrespect of brand leaders on this very platform #HonestyHour #Police | |
| "elvis" is the filthiest musician alive | |
| http://t.co/gpmcAVSRXa I Have Found My Calling. Good Bye | |
| ihave been banished from the city of dubai due to my excessive sweating and practice of pyrokinesis | |
| how many pushups must I do in order to boost my wifi signal | |
| @dadwhoishappy chridst. god damn it. not this number again | |
| im not breathing correctly because of the amount of people who insist on showing me the number of 69, which is the password for sex. | |
| its time to face facts. our teens just arent creating any jobs. they have failed our nation | |
| In my sincere opinion, 7-11 is weighing down the Big Gulp brand with their clownish chain of filthy convenience stores. | |
| i had a stern talk with my son over how his purchase of a $0.99 hdmi cable represents failure | |
| http://t.co/jxTBUplNC0 just gonna leave this here.. feel free to buy th e stuff on it. to my house if you want to | |
| "Daniel Joerger" gave the Adult Dunce Cap a 1/5 star review on February 20th, 2013, saying it was "Junk" and "Not worth what I paid for it". | |
| yeah right johnny cash. we totally believe that you went to jail & got executed. why don't you sing about real things instead of doing irony | |
| @collatingbones thank u. every night i wake up screaming because of the weird twitter circle jerk . i dont take this site seriously though | |
| @BAKKOOONN @collatingbones everybody is jacking off to their follower count and it makes me sick. iits just a number. stop jacking off to it | |
| @BAKKOOONN @collatingbones typical "Weird Twitter" circus clown, hiding in the garbage from the Truth im constantly laying on them . | |
| whenever i see someone eating without a bib i laugh and shake my head. beucase i just know they're going to fuck their shirt up with stains | |
| sometimes i post serious things but, i like to have a little bit of fun on here too #TheThursdayNiteRant | |
| i feel like some people don't appreciate the effort i put into TTNR. frankly, all i can do is feel embarrassed for you. it's a good feature | |
| @irlbrondan im one of the good whites | |
| i dont know about you guys but my uncle has been dying to meet all your uncles. did somebody say twitter dot com uncle meet???? | |
| @rad_milk in that case i would advise your uncles not to attend. | |
| listen up i need u guys to go on my account and check out this post called "The Thursday Nite Rant" and dont forget to hit up that RT button | |
| @TheOmegaDad Im not fucking serious or mad right now | |
| "favs.. retweets.. they're all good as hell. You're basically here to get those. Without em, you might as well be posting into the toilet," | |
| @juhawh nuh uh. This is crap | |
| i have trained my two fat identical sons to sit outside of my office and protect my brain from mindfreaks by meditating intensely | |
| CONTROVERSIES: lots of people jacked off to "beetlejuice" because they thought he was a girl. it's perfectly normal & good [citation needed] | |
| @LuckyStubbs did i jack off to beetlejuice because i thought he was a girl? i cannot say. but if i did do it., it would be my right to do so | |
| i step into the vip lounge. i see a man in high heel shoes stepping on a carton of milk while other men in suits yell at him and throw coins | |
| gamers are stupid assholes huh? well guess what. the final fantasy titles taught me roman numerals. check this shit out: XVCXCXCVIIIVX | |
| Real.Time.with.Bill.Maher.2013.11.15.HDTV-NO.SWEARING.EDITx264-2HD[kkkdracula] | |
| enjoying my "BEER O CLOCK" tshirt? yeah I got a whole hamper full of these badboys at home. you can come over & look at them all if you like | |
| two cars in the garage, a white picket fence, and monster energy logos embroidered into both ass pockets | |
| *steps out on stage twirling a cane and accidentally hits self in the dick 100 times * AAAWGHHH | |
| i have been pacing the driveway for hours, trying to work up the courage to tell a t least 3 twitter girls that i have married them | |
| RT @BazingaFan80: http://t.co/DSsOGgxnWhat a.funny pic that I found.on my feed #Funny | |
| bazinga fan 80 | |
| @femtotech actually i take "the big bang theory" and the good word "bazinga" very seriousl. | |
| its true. each cow's udder has one teat that will shoot piss instead of milk and ruin the whole batch. they call it the Farmer's Gamble | |
| "your posts, they aren't good." obama told me over his personal phone line. "you have to put down the keyboard. you have to #StopThePosts". | |
| i just put the phone in the sink and turned the faucet on. i was not about to deal with that level of bull shit. | |
| @BenCravery i pay them to | |
| This channel is dedicated the the beautiful smoking girls of Japan. These videos aim to capture the style and elegance of the Japanese girls | |
| http://t.co/RvRHIaehDr here is a cool list of "weird tweets'" | |
| my blood glucose test strip unboxing video maintains a remarkable zero views despite me spending $8000 on Media courses #TheThursdayNiteRat | |
| my more astute readers have noted that i botched the hashtag. its not supposed to be "the thursday nite rat". i cannot fix it. its locked in | |
| i am working to resolve the thursday nite rant issue. please do not contact me | |
| for every child you don't circumcise i am going to circumcise myself 3 times | |
| i see jokes like "doge". like "angry cat". and I think to myself, "This is fucking actually good. How can I interface this with my strats." | |
| i spend lots of time thinking about how many of my depraved, miserable followers would murder me if they could get away with it #SocialMedia | |
| @_Hermit_Thrush_ Thank You | |
| @_Hermit_Thrush_ @diaper_wolf @extranapkins block me instead. this is all my fault | |
| @scento @Cheesegod69 i want to crush it between my shoulder blades | |
| well, i'm planning a move. the democratic people's republic of korea?? strongest cops in the game. flat out. Make our cops look like shit | |
| Moneyhats all the way down. He doesnt csre about the true fans. He killed the dog for profit.Just follow the big dollar sign | |
| Seth i mean. | |
| "sour cream and onion" ?? thats a bunch of shit from the get go #TheThursdayNiteRant | |
| @KawaiiKush this is the makeup rant because i fucked it up last week. the normal schedule will now proceed after a brief thanksgiving hiatus | |
| i call upon familiars david blaine & criss angel to help me discretely wash this pocket pussy in the soda fountain at the peiwei asian diner | |
| local singles want to meet you in YOUR AREA! click here to call the COPS | |
| use coupon code "Do Harlenm Shake" to save 10% off your next Divorce | |
| @DjTSex "Depression" | |
| media outrage over the discovery of geiorge zimmerman's Gun Sink, a kitchen sink filled to the brim with guns | |
| Keep an eye on "Apps", in 2013 and beyond. | |
| please set your home pages to http://t.co/vahp3VrtsA . it is a better web site than twitter. no trolls or loudmonths, always free. | |
| @amandagothard_ is that real. dont hassle me | |
| is the thanksgiving day parade canon. are we to believe that garfield would allow himself to float around and be yanked around with strings | |
| "The Thanksgiving Day Parade is not canon. The events depicted therein have no place within the Garfield timeline." - Jim Davis, Paws Entmt | |
| i thitnk, that, before you wish death upon someone, you should make sure their tweets are really really bad first | |
| seems to be confusion regarding the job offer. you just directed me to an amazon listing for clown makeup. Looking forward to the real link. | |
| just tape the car horn down and cars will naturally move away from you. you can drive anywhere. it is called, "The Instinct of the Beast" | |
| @sprotster No | |
| the wrong side of town. just a bunch of signs on the side of the road that say "Moms Earn Cash" with no phone number or email or anything | |
| too many false alarms from people yelling "Bingo is some good shit" or "Bingo is fuckin good". becoming a problem in the bingo community | |
| noticing a lot more rear collisions after adhering my "9/11 Was An Inside Doge" bumper sticker. people must be too busy laughing to pay attn | |
| did everoyone else in the unemployment line get one of my favstar printouts? good. i will take my seat on the floor now | |
| my new job is being the guy who says "Sir You Can't Film Here" repeatedly to people who bring recording gadgets to aldi markets | |
| i can infer that the owner of this car with "Wade" painted on the hood is either named "Wade" or enjoys the word "wade" for personal reasons | |
| @sunfilter i dont know what that is but it sounds too good to be real | |
| need to wash gamefuel stains out of a very expensive kimono | |
| **sticks vacuum into skintight rubber suit so it becomes even tighter and dick and balls become more pronounced & visible* ugh!! mondays | |
| what me & the boys enjoy most is going to a home goods store to laugh at all the toilets. saying "haha i really want to shit in there", etc | |
| "god damnit!" the coach rips his headset off "they covered our football in nerd cum! those bastards have covered our football in nerd cum!" | |
| attribute my creative decline to deep spiritual sickness caused by several pornographic hairstyles i accidentally looked at in time magazine | |
| i have modded gta 5 to make the dicks ugly. and i plan to make them even uglier in ugly dick mod v1.1 | |
| @spicycelery i dont need to answer this at any point in time | |
| @pussyotoole this is a trick question | |
| if satan tries to put a microchip in my gun i will shoot him | |
| @DJMadnessDOTnet I don't know who that is Mate . | |
| @DJMadnessDOTnet sounds like a real fucked up idiot to me, | |
| the scud missile was named after famous military physicist Scud Missile | |
| asking someone why their halloween avatar is still up when it's just a normal pic of them is the most fucked up move you can do, actually | |
| the facts are thuis: i accidentally did benghazi while trying to steal nfl broadcasts and im sorry about it. this is a stressful year for me | |
| @the_kizzle this is peak hours in romania , where most of my fans live | |
| "Mr. Legs Dubai 2006" | |
| a tiny lapel pin shaped like the twitter verified account icon stops the assassins bullet and spares mmy cruel, filthy life | |
| the knock out game is a lot of crap. Lord heal oru youth . Lord heal our youth #TheThursdayNiteRant | |
| @BRUNOZILLA #TheThursdayNiteRat was a typo caused by the fatigue and stress of managing my online business. It is not a real feature. | |
| i am getting hundreds of messages telling me that the thursday nite rant is very bad. i am contracted to produce them until june 2015. sorry | |
| http://t.co/JY4AeVyu29 heres the thursday nite rant contract, as requested | |
| @PlSSPANTS no because i fixed it after | |
| it was my idea to do the " tuesday nite rant" to tie into the ruby tuesday brand, but they said that idea was shit. they wanted thursday | |
| @Nick09 ruby tuesday is a small business. fuck you | |
| surprise, dad. while you were witnessing the pennsylvania state lottery i tried on all your work gloves and they looked very handsome on me | |
| yeah im supposed to be "offended" by spit on my grave. youre basically feeding my skeleon nutrients. also spitting in graveyards is illegal. | |
| **makes a loud inhuman noise and attempts to crack wacom tablet over knee* | |
| @BAKKOOONN ultimate glaze | |
| im upset because nobody wants to market anything to my ultra fucked up demographic | |
| Girls are my wife constantly | |
| You'll Never Believe Which JP Morgan Executive Utterly Eviscerate Fitness Blogger Moms Flat Stomach Selfie #WeirdNews #CoolButWeird #Offbeat | |
| stood up, faced audience during larry the cable guy movie, and shouted "YOu're all monsters, stop laughing at him, that's his regular voice" | |
| @blackbobross i don't know anything about comedy. i specialize in arts & entertainment. | |
| @blackbobross Arts & Entertainment | |
| I'm Sgt. General James Bond. My mission is to collect guns and gather intel on the unimaginably fucked up drugs known as Cocaine & Marijuana | |
| @lamIamlam in the future james bond gets serious and stops having sex | |
| http://t.co/Rv3QUakY5C my life will soon become this #SEAvsSF | |
| i got banned from the official red lobster forums for posting "9/11". yet they say we're living in a post-9/11 world..... | |
| surefire investment: Saline. everyone i know is injecting a lot of it into their dicks. THat's, "Saline". Surefire investment. Locked down. | |
| my hobbies include wearing cool clothes, getting sucked off and being involved in local theater. The last one is a joke, actually | |
| when i cant decide whether to throw up into the trash can or the toilet i throw up in the trash cadn & pour about half of it into the toilet | |
| they made 666 the satan number because that's how many hours it took me to learn how to roll a cigarette | |
| The six things I could never do without:• .• gamer | |
| just thinking about how two guns mounted on my wall in an X pattern would look really good over my toilet | |
| *stares at a man doing jumping jacks in complete awe* How is he doing that | |
| woah. just realized the "Hungryman" logo on this can of sloppy joe is referring to me, the guy buying and eating thhe food. Insane mindfuck | |
| yeah babe. im 007 license to kill. im basically really fucked up and mentally ill from all the murders I did.**yawn* i got a gun tattoo also | |
| Showtime. Feel the sweat on your palms. Face the hideous, bloodthirsty crowd. All eyes on you. It's all or nothing. It's #TheThurdayNiteRant | |
| that was it. the rants over. stop sending me messages | |
| @ProdigalSpam Where's The Good Shit. Where's The Good Shit. Where's The Good Shit. Where's The Good Shit. Where's The Good Shit. Where' | |
| isnt it wild that every time i look at pictures of hell i say that it looks like some cool shit, and that i would go there instead of heaven | |
| @Peeglass CORRUPTED EARTY'H... | |
| @crunkdumpster no first | |
| @El_Jarado http://t.co/FQkNXk7gKD | |
| get yourself a few dozen trash bags and stash them in a drawer somewhere. never know when you might need em #TheSaturdayMorningRamble | |
| @pee_more it's new | |
| @NonCombosMentos academi | |
| @obeech1989 it will be as good as the thursday nite rant once i get better at writing them and my stress levels decrease. | |
| the thursday nite rant isn't going anywhere. the saturday morning ramble is designed to work in tandem with it to cover broader demographics | |
| The Saturday morning ramble is Work Safe. Children are also allowed to enjoy it. The Thursday nite rant is vulgar and unleashed | |
| @on_the_rocks_ i dont have enough funding to do another one | |
| @lizardsanchez i can only do 2. they are refusing to fund me | |
| @whoiswinston if you see it published anywhere else but here i expect you to alert the proper authorities with 911. | |
| This guy got himself into another mess. Take a look http://t.co/vkNx1Pepmj | |
| getting all the snow out of my driveway with a gun, just fucking obliterating it | |
| @jrindyk Death Caliber | |
| at first i thought that Science was a shit waste of time. then somebody did a meme of it,. and now... hooboy.. now i like it | |
| a typical day for me involves putting on the football vest and throwing the fuckin pigskin around. and i am not sorry if this offends anyone | |
| An Unstoppable Legion Of Young Fortune 500 CyberHeteros | |
| I Want The Duck Dynasty Boys To Crucify Me Upside-Down And Piss On Me Violently. I Want The Duck Dynasty Boys To Block My Useless Account | |
| i test all my tweets on lab animals and they hate them all. im an embarrassment to BRand Culture | |
| the Harvard bomb threat guy svhould have called a bomb threat to octo mom's house instead #UHOH | |
| my belt buckle explodes, exposing my superbly problematic dick/balls to eveyrone at GarbageCon. it also ricochets into my skull and kills me | |
| digimonotis thought octomom was the bad guy in spider man 2 | |
| RT @1tallmidget: Time To Play The #knockoutgame with #A&E #IStandWithPhilRobertson #DuckDynasty #FuckYouA&E | |
| My Friend Toby Once Said, One Big Ass Biker Man I Ain't As Good As I Once Was, But I'm As Good Once As I Ever Was | |
| @PiemanSH $0 | |
| big steel drivin' hank gordon bubba once told me i aint once put on what it could not do, but to what i can't do on what i put myself on for | |
| @kcgreenn i really hate him | |
| FACt: i was not kicked out of teen mensa beucase of my extremely poor posture; i was kicked out because of my terrible opinions and ideas | |
| listen bud! get your i pad out of my face! leave the gizmos at home #TheThursdayNiteRant | |
| @jakefogelnest thank you for looking at it | |
| i want to network with clean human | |
| rip to this guy http://t.co/JZL3q80llC | |
| my permanently wet forehead is perhaps my most powerful weapon | |
| gotta pick one man. the night ain't over until you pick a favorite pope. "all of them" is not an acceptable answer. "clement xii"?? Fuck you | |
| i am looking forward to some god damn serious male grooming discussion when everybody runs out of jokes around 2015 or so | |
| @KingAstronaut i;ts a cut above the rest #sponsered | |
| this is the room where i simulate combat scenarios by performing wrestling moves and crowd control techs on 22 girl mannequins. the gauntlet | |
| this guy took a pic of an NES cartridge on top of a filthy carpet and.. yep. the game on it is one i like. im pretty sure that makes him God | |
| GOD Damn fuckin.. Retro,. classic shit, ah *Face Turns purple and begins crying* sorry. i'm sorry. I'm a dipshit. I'm a fucking idiot | |
| when it comes to down to it.. you just cant beat the old mouse and keyboard #TheSaturdayMorningRamble | |
| @Connor_Brandt i craft my own rigs | |
| RT @abd86t: قاعد اسمع غنية pink floyed money و اطالع برنامج عن فرس النهر بنفس الوقت و مندمج بالاثنين | |
| @TheBossPop i Fucking disagree | |
| the most fucked up thing saddam hussein ever did was eat doritos in jail | |
| i plan on spending christmas with the kranks by putting the dvd in and playing it. i want to spend christmas with the kranks mother fucker. | |
| "The film was universally panned by critics. It received a "rotten" rating of 5% on the r" let me stop you right there. thats a lot of crap | |
| Shit myself on C.Martinet's lap. Voice of Mario. He was surprisingly chill. Too embarrassed to apologize so I bought Mario Golf a week later | |
| @Iordeslays i dont respond to threat | |
| @kcgreenn @BAKKOOONN i give this picture two thumbs down because it is gross | |
| @CrackerBarrel wher can i pickup merch ft. shitty beard guy who needs all sorts of wile e coyote shit to hunt the most pathetic animals ever | |
| @atomicdoge @jrindyk the old dog one featured a twistedly brutal amount of blackface thoguh | |
| i like it. thank you http://t.co/ulzjhHpfuL | |
| i stepped out of my stretch limo with "garbage toucher' painted on the side, brushed some shit off my boots and said "I'm garbage toucher" | |
| @egg_dog life and death | |
| IBM sent me a supercomputer to analyze all of my posts with and guess what, they're all good | |
| tthe super computer lit up and told me my posts were good in a fucked up robot voice, validating me forever online | |
| The office space judge, to the trolls: For refusing to stop being a piece of crap i am sending you to 15 years of pound me and the ass jail. | |
| @isohyde @RealSkeleton Stop owning me | |
| @TherealGeorgeZ RATATATA /̵͇̿̿/'̿'̿ ̿ ⌐╦╦═─ - - - - BOOM BOM POW /̵͇̿̿/'̿'̿ ̿ *CLICK* BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM (Philippians 4:13) | |
| ah, online is amazing. there is so much to do here. *GETS OBLITERATED BY INSULT`S AND SICK IMAGES* i've changed my mind. online is childish | |
| "When it is Christmas, the only gift you need is my posts." -@Dril when it is christmas, the only gift you need is my posts. | |
| @NonCombosMentos if i was fake that would be fucking insane as hell | |
| @Munz0 i chose to disregard the advice of president barack obama and continue posting | |
| i'm going to shut down for several hours while user "JFK_Destroyer" reconsiders his threat to "suck my grave like a dick," | |
| no. no. no. and no. santa would never do putrple drink. keep the jokes stashed deep in the garbage on this holy night | |
| @cecxlia the thursday nite rant is cancelled due to christmas. it is also cancelled next week due to new years. the rant will return jan 9th | |
| @cecxlia the saturday morning ramble will be cancelled as well. thank you for your cooperation and understanding. PLease enjoy the holidays. | |
| [download of "bagel covered in caesar dressing.jpg" complete] Ah, Fucking Good This Yes. Absolutely Epic Fucking Particularly This. Sir | |
| about 85% of the people online are just absolute criminals and i can get dominated by them perfectly from the convenience of my shitty modem | |
| @asshole_king no. not yet | |
| back before the web, Content had to be delivered house to house by the content man. he worked 14 hrs a day & people tried to shoot him a lot | |
| a dozen eggs huh.. what are you gonna do with 12 shitty pregnant rocks. haha just imagine some asshole buying this like, "oh these are good" | |
| cavemen were 14 feet tall and immortal because they didn't believe in Lying | |
| IF SATAN IS READING THIS PLEASE MAKE THE FINGERBOARD ON MY DESK DO 1 FLIP | |
| "RESULT: You are the Serpant. YOu dislike loud places and people are constantly putting drama in your life. But you're strong." This is true | |
| school lunch card revoked indefinitely for making a counterstrike map based on the principal'/s rock garden | |
| @kcgreenn this faker is puttinh me through hell. but i can see through his lies. i can tell he is not me | |
| my top 2013 picks:1) guns2) pictures of guns3) halloweenthank you. please look out for the top picks of 2014, which i will do next year. | |
| Time to do several fucking perfect wolf howls at the nascar men | |
| nothing pisses off Baseball more than showing up at the plate holding a custom djinnblade, designed by your cousin Chedson, instead of a bat | |
| ill be spending new years encased in marble with magnetGirl77 because we just basicly trust spirit world more than human world at this point | |
| i don't believe in religious, but i respect the fear of nudity | |
| im going to fuck up antarctica with hundreds of throwing knives | |
| @rad_milk the knives will beat the shit out of the ice | |
| @DennisRonne http://t.co/4VtXGgjoVd | |
| ijust gave some guy in the bathroom $200 and he left. i think i own a toilet now | |
| when should i start embalming myself | |
| myth: making me mad is coolFACT: making me mad is a crap move& people who do it are all sociopathivc criminals with fucked up rotten brains | |
| RT @GirlHelper: Girls are a gift from god. | |
| @AllNewBMcD @GirlHelper i support girl helper | |
| @AceGracious that is one subpar app | |
| LING240 - Foundations of Applied LinguisticsTransfer Equivalency:WAZ101 - how to do wazzup voice (4 credits) | |
| reluctantly jacking off at 60mph to the girl silhouette on the big rig mudflaps in front of my car while whispering "trucker's code" | |
| @electrolemon i fear change | |
| "tthis is some superbly phenomenal shit." -spoken by president barack obama, upon following his 650,000th twitter account | |
| RT @BarSimpson: TOMANDO | |
| yes, the rumours are true. i do workouts | |
| sees another grown man eating cheerios off his table at the restaurant, gives him the restaurant cheerio nod | |
| my main shit is going to CVS and doing riffs on whatever i see on the shelves. most of my material is never recorded or heard by human ears | |
| yesterday i bought a 26ct bag of fun size snickers bars as penance for wasting a police man's time | |
| @jessicayoung69 all sponsorred content was put on hiatus during the holidays. it will return next week along with the thursniterant. | |
| shut the fuck uip, coward. "beavis day" is not a real holiday. i am going to insanely wreck you for posting to me, about the false holiday. | |
| *inhales sharply and punches a sofa 6 times extremely quickly* | |
| im the only person on this entire website without a wife and it is just ignorant at this poin t. | |
| bowl fucker #RejectedBowlGames | |
| i just obtained a tub of that goop they fed to babies in the 1920s to make them really fat. i;m going to convert the whole thing into muscle | |
| put pictures of fat 1920s babies up next to the muscle builders of modern day & you will ssee that their skill levels are considerably equal | |
| fired for "unleashing rats at work" which is bull shit first off because they don't make leashes for rats | |
| the web is an extremely powerful media tool in our Time and I will masterfully cross chop and do bare hand takedown to anyone who disagrees | |
| now that i'm unemployed I can finally weave an intricate fan universe based on the chick fil a cows who are always holding the signs up | |
| if u troll me into my 11th stroke by god i will use the last remaining strength on my death bed to implicate you and your delinquent cronies | |
| with all of the running around we do during the holidays... its a wonder we don't LOOSE weight instead of gaining it... #TheThursdayNiteRant | |
| Remembe,r if you're a fan of the rant, feel free to support it with favs, retweets, or just drop me a message saying how good it is. | |
| @wllhpr Thank you. | |
| @piewithcoffee Thank you. | |
| @Soft_Serve Thank you. | |
| @CrashburnAlley Thank you. | |
| @little_chicka Thank you. | |
| @KilMiPlis Thank you. | |
| @selia_lahugeea Thank you. | |
| @Buffbigman Thank you. | |
| another fucked up thing that women will do to all good men and boys is steal their last names, poSsibly to leverage their own failing brands | |
| but worry not. i have changed my last name to "apefucker/" to dissuade all women from stealing it | |
| please help mme. my dad sent me $40000 to go to Fight College but I spent it all on making a big hormel foods logo out of gorilla glue | |
| #TheSaturdayMorningRamble was cancelled out of the respect of prime minister ariel sharon . please stop asking me about it. rip ariel sharon | |
| @ohwowhi this post isn't respectful to me, this post isn't respectful to the saturday morning ramble, and it isnt respectful to the dead guy | |
| some hipster or something is probably mad right now bc they give golden globes to good ass films instead of the fuckin mona lisa or whatever | |
| if hollywood has any dignity left they will surrender all golden gobes to the united states marine corps and blow a bunch of kisses at them | |
| winner of best reality program "Mushroom Sons", beating out "Extreme Mushroom Farm", "Mushroom Grabber" and "Boys of Mushroom" #GoldenGlobes | |
| i've been blacklisted from hollywood simply because I refuse to compromise my unwavering support of Microsoft brand and product. cowardice | |
| i have in my hand a list of hollywood bigwigs who have eaten human flesh, and i will reveal one name each day until im provided with respect | |
| Charles Chaplin | |
| RT @DeonJuliyo: 12 years a slave? Sounds like my last marriage. #GoldenGlobes | |
| RT @ScottSimkus1: 12 Years A Slave is about the first dozen years of my marriage. | |
| RT @1BigMick: I thought 12 Years a Slave was a film about my failed marriage. | |
| 12 year slave huh? sounds like my marriage. which I dont enjoy. to the degree that it is succinctly described by that particular movie title | |
| Weekly reminder that the official Oprah App can be enjoyed by Oprah fans and supporters of Anti-Oprah alike. | |
| @emilysipiora prom is filth | |
| i shoukld be allowed to do kindergarten again. im pretty sure i would absolutely fucking nail it this time | |
| @emilysipiora society will not accept me, the 142 yr old man with the grab bag of severe helath problems, consorting with their prized youth | |
| the one major design flaw which plagued the iron maiden from the start were the large spikes that would stab anyone who tried to live in it | |
| i would like to apologize for letting the team down by eating an entire snowman over the weekend and getting sick. my head wasnt in the game | |
| now that net neutrality is finally dead i can share my controversial tony hawk/NASCAR cross fiction without fear of persecution or ridicule | |
| now that nest neutrality is finally dead I can start blasTing the shit out of birdhouses with my 9000000 calliber rifle scotfree | |
| now that Ned Neutrality is finally dead he will be sorely missed, survived by his wife Cathy Neutrality, as well as his kids Ethan & Walter | |
| @kier_abshy i can't seem to do anything without being owned by shirtless males | |
| i would like to convert these gmail invites into human dollars please | |
| im sorry for claiming that all cops wear big fake boobs full of milk under their shirts and use them to breastfeed criminals. only some do | |
| my ultimate quest to become a united states armyman begins by rejecting all forms of online drama trash in my life #TheThursdayNiteRant | |
| i squint real hard while attempting to contemplate a math problem designed for children until my entire dumb ass face turns navy blue | |
| JAY: They are going to replace WTC, with a Mosque. Can you believe this Silent BobSILENT BOB: This country is headed fot the chamber pot. | |
| Italian mobsters beat rival gangster with metal bars before feeding him to pigs, police investigation claims http://t.co/oXsuBfWC1q | |
| #THeSaturdayMorningRamble sometimes when you get caught in traffic you just wanna get pissed off | |
| @SWIFTANTLERHAWK ill fix it soon. i will fix it | |
| @SHITNEY_HOUSTON piss is not a profane word. it is a body part | |
| incoming picture of mysterious bead collection from WolfRespecter | |
| i interface the dunston check 's in dvd with the God Processor. a gruesome polygonal ape head welcomes me to dunston world | |
| @SidBeers http://t.co/Umdl3IgBUo woops i moved it | |
| carefully cutting out an article titled "Extremely Small Man Begs For Life At Disneyland" so that I can frame it for the rumpus room | |
| i would have to say that this promotional radio shack lanyard i received heavily influenced my decision to become a lanyard wearing guy | |
| vladimir Putin if youre reading this please grant me asylum like you did with snowdan. i too ,am constantly in hot water because of my posts | |
| my true custom rig is a baby grand piano filled with lava lamps | |
| RT @roswell: そしてxboxをかいました | |
| 611 Ass illustrations and clipart. Affordable Royalty Free Stock Photography. Downloads for just $1.00, with thousands of images added daily | |
| nobody has earnestly called a donkey an "ass" since the bible was written. stop fucking up my clipart searches with this nonesnse | |
| @jitka i have about 250 rants in thbe can, ready to post, as well as 500 more that need minor tweaks before becoming availbe for consumption | |
| @charlessinders i have never fucked it up | |
| @laternerds it's the name i use to commit crime under | |
| @gloverN69 i have never seen shrek genius. i have only seen baby genius 1 and 2 | |
| barbaro is back 2014 http://t.co/Z73UqNki19 | |
| @the_A_factor i love bait. cant get enough of it | |
| @little_chicka justin will prevail #FreeJustin | |
| #TheThursdayNiteRant please build more walkways so i don't have to fuck my pants up in the bushes | |
| @lamIamlam the boys of washington | |
| In my honest opinion, due to recent events, they should call beloved pop sensation Justin Bieber, they should call him "Mr. Jail". Thank you | |
| @AceMakesWords It's basically extremely good except when they arrest a cool guy | |
| the facts are: actual little two year old children are coming onto this website to send me brutal reprimands daily and make me violently ill | |
| MetalGearEric has offered to engage me in a formal debate as to whether or not santa claus's real name is "Winter Claus" | |
| @alexmce Actually fucking this . | |
| id like a discount on this used tort law textbook please. the last guy who had it drew female versions of Garfield on a bunch of the pages | |
| @jakefogelnest no. it is a very powerful online tool and i love it a lot | |
| i have been racking up absurdly high scores in Windows Solitare to increase my power as a gamer | |
| I Have beatten a game of solitare after having to restart only 26 times. I am a magnificent gamer prince | |
| i am a simple country man who believes that hackers belong in jail #TheSaturdayMorningRamble | |
| @followingDril i uncancelled it because it was an important one | |
| @Sense_Andrew mindsweeper is a game for children sorry | |
| i bet i could knock a grammy statue over with my piss #grammys | |
| i must rotate in my seat eternally to avoid having my muscles damaged by wi-fi energy | |
| sometimes i feel like im the only person on the whole damn computer who understands the concept of Honour | |
| *consults a sundial* Ah. Time To Carbo-Load | |
| yeah im basically all abOut mpreg right now. yeah im off to get my huge pregnant gut enchanted by a warlock so my future son will respect me | |
| i just sold all of my teeth to the president of starwars for one hundred dollars #SBMediaDay | |
| group of young woman: were going to take some "Selfie" portraits. care to join us?me [doing the face palm face now]: ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!!!!!! | |
| i'm not allowed to participate in the olympics this year because i have "no discernible athletic talent" and my "dick looks chewed up" | |
| Q: What is your Passion Sport?A: My Passion Sport is football and golf | |
| check the shit o n the lightbulb before using it. too many people are using the wrong voltage count and it;s too bright #TheThursdayNiteRant | |
| @pussyotoole no. never | |
| http://t.co/pt99s1DgAZ good | |
| @Buff_Wizard Yes. Theyre the worst | |
| @drsleaze enjoy hell | |
| @DjTSex Stop Hacking | |
| the famous "dewey defeats truman" photograph except it's me holding up the hedaline that says jacking off cures prostate cancer | |
| @steveyknight I don't deserve to watch the super bowl | |
| i live inside of the holy mecca cube and do all my good posts in there | |
| i cannot comprehend half of the things i read online but i'm smart enough to know that it is all really good | |
| @Cheese_Pile i am nodding and grrinning at this, completely unaware that it is probably a grievous assault against my character | |
| 75% of the tweets on here are complete PishPosh. 20% is Networking and Implementation. the last 5%? Pure Content. #TheSaturdayMorningRamble | |
| @Timmer95 server delay | |
| From here on, I will refer to the upcoming Super Bowl as the “Treason Bowl”. | |
| i think that the dog version of the super bowl shoyuld show some god damn respect to the regular version of the super bowl | |
| punxsutawney phillip seymour hoffman sees the shadow of death meaning 6 weeks of really good jokes like this one | |
| if I download just ONe more app I will need an APP to keep track of my APPS!!! #TheThursdayNiteRant | |
| why do clowns have such big shoes. that's not funny. it is just ignorant. no wonder circuses are dying #TheThursdayNiteRant | |
| WAIT FUCK | |
| my living room has more remote controls in it than NASA. its like you gotta be an astronaut just to watch the ball game #TheThursdayNiteRant | |
| smiling is worthless. it has no value. nobody wants to see your damn teeth all the time. fuck you #TheThursdayNiteRant | |
| STOP IT I CAN"T DELETE THEM | |
| "whodunit"?? how about we just call it a "murder mystery" insTead of resorting to that grammatical mess #TheThursdayNiteRant | |
| yo bartender!! we all know you filled my deink with ice so you can skimp on the good stuff. hows this grab ya: "No Tip" #TheThursdayNiteRant | |
| @Twitter HELP | |
| there is no recovering from this fiasco. the thursday nite rant, as we know it, is dead. | |
| my laywer is telling me that the bastard who hacked my account and leaked my rants is none other than edward snowden, known traitor to USA. | |
| and i will state right now that these recent events bear no weight upon the popular "saturday morning ramble" feature. Thank you | |
| @chukwukamso they will be destroyed so they do not fall into the hands of my predators | |
| @policeman i will assist u sir | |
| my son has been combing his hair without permission. how do i cope with the pain | |
| yea everyone called me Dixie Cup for years juts cause I asked if it was alright to use a dixie cup as a condom in sex ed. im cool now though | |
| i don't care about anybody's opinion unless it is good. before you type, please ask yourself. "Is my opinion good" if it's bad dont write it | |
| @Bro_Pair it was too beautiful for this world and it had to die | |
| @gaypoop69 @Bro_Pair im ignoring the contract and i dont care if i go to hell | |
| bougt a bottle of "liquid ass" to teach my stepdad a lesson but i consumed the entire bottle by mistake. now i drink "liqiud ass" on the reg | |
| @cool_pond gotta go name brand. it is non toxic and not actually made of shit so it is fine to drink. | |
| @stretchyXcheeze Fuck you | |
| @stretchyXcheeze Take this shit about the coors brewing company down | |
| it is phenomenally cruel of people to come onto this website, look at the posts on my private feed and share them with their shitlord pals . | |
| I have a confession. THe leaking of six thursday nite rants on monday was a false flag operation designed to kill The Thursday Nite Rant. | |
| I didn't want it to end like thtis. I am so sorry. My hands were tied. The rants weren't getting enough Favs so the sponsor pulled the plug | |
| I am a coward. I beg of your forgiveness. And please check out The Saturday Morning Ramble, which is still scheduled for release on Feb. 8 | |
| @adamsteinbaugh No | |
| Jesus christ. I;m so god damn sorry. This is so fucked up. It's a living nightmare. I am literally shaking. I have never felt such pain | |
| @LTDesroches Now is not the appropriate time to discuss content. | |
| jay leno was the last good boy on tv. he was my final connection to th e outside world. there is nothing stopping me from becoming feral now | |
| #TheSaturdayMorningRamble sometimes it is good to get off of the computer every once in awhile and spray garbage around the yard with a hose | |
| i found a bunch of those bugs that roll up into little balls. i called the zoo & they refuse to take these horrible bugs away from my house | |
| a 90 year old man looks at hula hoops "they dont make'm like they used to" now hes all started up "theyre SHIT!! these are picees of SHIT!!" | |
| me and the boys are going to watch the final leno and then watch every episode of leno in reverse. full return to thence Leno. #lenouroboros | |
| i was one of the villains in WWE. mmy name was "Loser Fuckface Nerd " and my catchphrase was "i cant fight them! theyre too strong" | |
| *loads up youtube playlist "Every Geico Ad Since 1999" sitting in ultimate gamer chair eating peanut m&ms with spoon* euauh! good shit, this | |
| I SO MUCH AS DIP MY NECK AROUND THIS LOG PAGE AND I AM FORCED TO ABSORB GALLONS OF VENOM FROM DISRESPECTFUL CIVILIAN VIPER SWINE #StopTheNSA | |
| to the countless many Whom have plagiarized my hard work by using the retweet button "Thou art a Coward" !! i will beat your ass at the mall | |
| Im a goalie in personal life so I know a thing or two about deflecting personal attacks against my life as well as hockey pucks. | |
| @BreakingNews i want my spoilers mate!! stop hiding the spoilers fuck face!! | |
| might bring this tweet to the office― a guy drinks a cup of coffee but it's actually a gravy bowl by mistake?? is that appropriate for work | |
| need some new Christian podcasts to listen to while cruising around in my fake cop car | |
| dick fact no.77: my, dick is covered in clothes most of the time. this protects it from the elements as well as the gaze of my enemies | |
| nobody at PepsiCo, the parent company of Pepsi & Frito-Lay, uses bathrooms. this comapny prides itself on hiring people who never shit. | |
| @_Hermit_Thrush_ they never shit. they have no need for bathrooms. they converted them into offices. i will not "hold on" | |
| #TheSaturdayMorningRamble cant do it anymore. the ramble has taken control of my life & my doctor has advised me to stop before it kills me | |
| please let me edit my tweets so i can go back and remove every reference to pig piss and liking pig piss | |
| @MichaelSteeber i thought that rule only applied to the good posts | |
| i will tell you this right now: I'm from hell. Im highly fucked up. Ive been known to say rude things and watch the carnage unfold brutally | |
| if someone comes by asking if i would like to see pornography i say "hell yes". if someone offers me beer or wine i also say hell yes to it. | |
| i am constantly motivated to improve my content so that i'll someday be as good as the guy who got his dick stuck in a trampoline on youtube | |
| @Dj_Toaster thank you | |
| #TwitpicYourDunkContestReaction http://t.co/rtHgmE5A7n | |
| @null____void @NBCSports i hope they do because it is the worst picture i have ever seen | |
| me and a bunch of stupid assholes are going to start a community in the middle of the desert to either die or prove a very important point | |
| @shit_its_sarah I Love To Bring My Ass | |
| Jacking off is a fool 's errand. I will instead opt to enjoy the films of Ice Age, Ice Age: The Meltdown and Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs. | |
| @GoodEmerald needs Work | |
| @thewaether i couldn't fit the fourth one and i didn't want to disrespect it by abbreviating the title. | |
| @GoodEmerald i do not | |
| i am interested ni "meme format". i am going to experiment in "meme format", to improve my page. http://t.co/UELlEWJlpo | |
| it is unfair that i should have to go to hell just because i was born with a pigs brain | |
| @BAKKOOONN ah, married; | |
| intense dr pepper cravings from being mentally mpreg., check. dick looks like an ear from botched circumcison,chsck. 1 big purple arm, check | |
| @LTDesroches 0 | |
| go to bed trolls. go to bed with your dip shit brigade. | |
| @acrotalusa i suppport the duck dynasty boys and i support gay also because i am a kind, reasonable man | |
| Hot Pockets Yanked From Shelves for Containing ‘Diseased and Unsound Animals’ #AreYouTheOne | |
| @420braiseit thjis could be possibly considered to be a rude comment of me. | |
| It has recently occurred to me that I am constantly being clowned on. The people I trust most have apparently been clowning on me for years. | |
| i love to frown upon bull shit | |
| @nyybrandonc no way jose. those are good | |
| pop this into your browser for a quick smile : "urkel" | |
| @animebitchboy i will do it. i love the good shit favstar | |
| @GoodEmerald @animebitchboy im, going to | |
| @BongVivant @Perfect_Beanis Thank;s all. Remember to fav and retweet the thuings i put on here also. Get the word out that my posts are good | |
| @obamacare69 i dont do that anymore. i broke the contract and im cursed now | |
| "I envision a dining experience tailored specifically for the public masturbator. Therein lies the Soul of the Roy Rogers brand."-Roy Rogers | |
| "How dare you post bullshit of Roy Rogers. Roy Rogers is screaming under the grave. I'm going to murder you." - Team Roy (Official Response) | |
| any good jokes lately? yeah, the mirror. i mean your mirror. i mean your mirror, while you are standing in front of it & i'm not in the room | |
| i feell like im being unfairly targeted during this paintball match just because im the only one wearing a tuxedo | |
| i dont think the monster truck gravedigger has ever dug any actual graves. it would be a very disrespectful and loud way to do it | |
| Fuck #TheThursdayNiteRant and the bruise it has left upon my legacy. Fuck contracts and being tricked into signing them. Fuck Ruby Tuesdays. | |
| #TheThursdayNIteRant hashtag is now Public Domain. I am permitting twitte'rs worst users to sully it with unauthorized, low-quality rants. | |
| i just divined a glimpse of everyone who has ever unfollowed me talking at the bar, laughing about how bad my posts are & i fucking screamed | |
| *all horrors begotten by the desire of man flash before eyes* woha! this is awkward *the cries of millions suffering echo* Damn That's Weird | |
| #AnimalTVShows dog fucker | |
| #AnimalTVShows ape fucker | |
| #AnimalTVShows pig fucker | |
| @sundomefuture thats my baby boy. my dim wit son | |
| @tjefferson1976 @VicPopuli thank you thomas jefferson | |
| if i were police i would send bugs bunny and his shit pals to prison for violating the constitutional order of the united states of america. | |
| @obamacare69 they are always on tv carrying on | |
| thinkting of putting a sign up in front of my decrepit mississippi swamp house advising the band Pussy Riot to keepaway | |
| @MF_Bizz there bad | |
| MAINSTREAM: Barney the dinosaur is some good shit. I like it. It's really good.ME: Barney the dinosaur is bunk. This is a show for children | |
| jsut want to take some shitty roll of wallpaper from the 70s and tell the Men's Warehouse to get their finest craftsman to make a suit of it | |
| discreetly enjoying a small amount of beer i hid in my gun | |
| sipping some campbell's chunky soup from flask in coat pocket | |
| climbing the empire state building holding a giant baby bottle labeled "Muscle" | |
| i have moved all of my bitcoins directly into my brain for safekeeping until all this nutso crap blows over | |
| @davidsexton94 Never | |
| my favorite holiday is the one where you cover everything in plastic and turn the hose on indoors and just go wild | |
| me after getting curtains stuck in my waistband and pulling them off the wall: "ah fuck its happened again,ah, i am truly a shithead, oh no" | |
| Mentioning the woefully fated thursday nite rant feature to me constitutes harassment. Let's keep the trash out. I am a real journalist now. | |
| @DopeMomJeans Wawa has always been nice to me and I give it six platinum stars | |
| it's Damn cold out there! Hope you got shirts #WebAndMediaContent #FrromTheContentBoy | |
| @SlothCEO if this is true you need to go directly to police . | |
| just yanked 3 bundles of rebar off a construction site and into my truck. now im going to biuld my own pizza hut | |
| my pet iguana' s get angry at the same tv shows I do.... wierd but cool | |
| i am a Gentleman's Son and i deserve the big gravy boat | |
| ive never heard of this "europe" but it sounds like a big bunch of shit to me | |
| to whoever changed my background pic to spider man with his dick out, thank you. im keeping it just to make you mad | |
| i've been spending the last 7 years of my life making a romhack of super mario rpg where everyone is pregnant. i expect to make $100 from it | |
| @cool_bugs don,t | |
| @lettuce_fetish on line | |
| @kubjazz no. no birth | |
| the joke is on you fuck face. i actually love getting screamed at and publicly shamed for my dumb-assed bull shit . I love apologizing | |
| there are secret offices all over the country full of men in business attire who consume porn for 9 hrs and go home. they dont even jerk off | |
| @unbub_ i am far too clever to jack off | |
| need to gain. concerned of my big boy status. dream of becoming Army Strong by the age of 35. rip me open another bag of tiny marshmellows | |
| apologies to guys named "clay". that's like one step above dirt | |
| i will annihilate all spoofs of me . i will take anyone who does spoofs of me or my beloved content to the court of criminal law. | |
| chating with lawyer on aol instant messenger. | |
| @Cameron_54 THe "Oscar Selfie", is, in a word, Huge. Representative of a New-New Media paradigm shift. It, was a solid move from the celebs. | |
| this is what a real mans hands look's like http://t.co/yjLlfqOi24 | |
| eunuchoid 49yr man puting self up for adoption, please. unemployable due to frequent nosebleed. loves movies & Tech. thank u for reading it. | |
| brutally headbutting massive hoards of benghazi likers | |
| Sigh. the trolls are beating off their weiners again | |
| meanwhile im going to stay up all night and color my dick with markers | |
| i get in my car and 100 men smear their asses up agsint my windshield and doors. Unbelievable. I'm late for work. This is clownish. | |
| my next good post is about egg salad. What in the shit?? are you egg or salad? Why is this good. Who's eating it. Check Please. uhhh | |
| @BAKKOOONN headshot all these beasts with a tiny gun | |
| there is a time and a place for clowns and it is called "CIRCUS". not the computer | |
| ive enclosed an image of judge judy and my stepdad kissing that I photoshopped to express my disapproval of the broken paintball gun verdict | |
| single fellas-- do NOt jack off into the garbage disposal. it will jam up and make a horrible noise. use garbage bags instead | |
| im looking at bible, now. | |
| my name is steve jobs. i am a successful ceo in charrge of the apple corporation. #Joke | |
| i'm looking to be hiring a very nice girl to crack open pistachio nuts while i Game. must have clean fingernail.. no hucksters | |
| @JakeKomara shit | |
| @johnasavoia i don't want to shit today. | |
| @lammdy im glad i made that post and wrote it and thought of it. im glad it belongs to me | |
| @favstar1000favs FUCK OFf | |
| sorry i ruined Fucking talk like a pirate day by speaking at length upon my terrible mustard allergy which has caused countless pain of me. | |
| you utter fool. od not come in here asking to see rocky's dick. that is not the spirit of philly | |
| *glances towards framed calligraphy print on wall which reads "NASCAR First" and nods goodly. * | |
| A Funny Dog Join Kurdish Tribe For A Dirty Dance . | |
| i hope my followers are remembering to urinate frequently, to ensure the proper disposal of bodily waste. | |
| llove to look at a big slice of meatloaf and say "Damn it's good" | |
| i lose about 6,000 followers eveory time i make one of my humiliating tweets. the cost of business | |
| curly is the most bullshit stooge. his antics are the least believable. moe and larry would have kicked him out of the stooges in real life | |
| @SandwichMeats no hashtag.. no rant #NoHashtagNoRant | |
| @WeBuyRetweets hit me up via my personal line: cumDrenchedArmpit@imbecile.com | |
| theres a fucking mattress lying in the middle of route 70. it's still there i think. check it out if you're in the area and you like mattres | |
| motorists are advised not to touch the mattress. the cops are on their way to beat the snot out of it with hammers. do not interfere | |
| @salah36869824 thank u my friend | |
| hoo boy... these guinea pigd love to shit. shouldn't have ordered the full dozen | |
| *produces a tiny book from coat pocket which lists every breed of dog that is legal to eat* | |
| i have to clean myself with a dust devil because my bathtub is filled with sacks of rat chow and i believe that all of politics is hogwash | |
| widgets. ... theres nothin quite like 'em #TechBoys | |
| yerah i like to click on my mouse. so what | |
| my dream uncle would have the calves of an angel...and the thighs of a Devil | |
| all of the rumors that i'm crying right now are: 1) bbutthurt 2) gross 3) KuKlux klan | |
| @Estebandagreat i don't know if i'm angrier about the fact that twitter posted that with 0 permission or the fact that it's completely wrong | |
| @trash_ketchum those are shit. open up the yellow pages and contact a leg man immediately | |
| @sargeant_party http://t.co/YBp2lJSMky | |
| "Gamers" needs to grow the fuck up. | |
| Turkey's prime minister has warned that he would eradicate Twitter after a number of audio recordings anonymously posted on social media pur | |
| "We will wipe out Twitter. I don't care what the international community says." "They will see the Turkish republic's strength," he added, | |
| https://t.co/1myGs1t1rW | |
| @SonicViolence its my big son | |
| for a 2nd time, a user has threatened to go to the bathroom on me. ill tell u this. only way thatll happen is if ur leaving in the body bag. | |
| adult man who must frequently be burped like an infant or else he will die | |
| @hell0jed that's where all the good shit in life comes fronm | |
| my priceless stradivarius gaming keyboard... fcovered in policeman urine | |
| fred phelps is still alive. and will continue to make trouble for all of us good people online. thats my beliefs... | |
| @scottbrowne just my opinoin. back off | |
| @weedguy420boner ,showers are,,actually,,not good, | |
| taking my laptop into the Jungle... | |
| i have cleaned all the dirt out of my fingernails and will be posting new pics of them shortly. i want to be liked on here. | |
| my massive shoulder span constantly prevents my tiny ,malnourished ass from absorbing sunlight. my body is essentially at war with its self | |
| can I get into legal trouble for secretly filming myself on the toilet | |
| i love absorbing knowlegde from the expansive breadth of electronic information that exissts on this plane we call OnLine. its good to do it | |
| *understands tthe full potential of the net all at once and stumbles backward wwhile struggling to breathe* christ,. my god | |
| #RuinAChildrensBook i dont have a camera but rest assured that i ruined it & made sure that no child will ever derive emotion from its pages | |
| i approve of congres... i believe they are doing a very good job despite negative comments online | |
| @sargeant_party it,s a piece of shit for sure | |
| @Yowan @kochmoney please stop owning me | |
| #CancelColbert gangstalking me, collecting my piss, laughing it up with his fucked up buddies when I ask where my piss went, carrying on, | |
| mantis is a small green dog. not bug #CancelColbert | |
| i am closing down the craft brew wiki because i am being treated like a zoo animal and nobody gives to shits . | |
| ive got my eye on you matrix_gary. | |
| RT @PissPigs: Check out my new article, "Was Andy Warhol a Piss Pig?" at Http://pisspigs.com. | |
| the ass cynic has posted a brutal 1 hour 40 minute takedown of my ass on youtube. im warning you not to click on it or you will get a virus. | |
| @CapitolAvenue yeah | |
| #IAmNotALiberalBecause im proud of my greasy, orange ejaculate | |
| im bad at running and moving around but my upper body speed is incredile | |
| online is sickos | |
| @CheetosArabia thank you officer | |
| just found out my great-great-grandfather was known as the "piss scoundrel" and spent most of his time being harassed by concerned citizens | |
| i cried when the genealogy researcher told me this | |
| @Garfield false flag | |
| the idea that people are still masturbating in 2014 is insanne, and utterly, asinine | |
| **shooting bow & arrow into huge pile of discarded diapers piercing like five or six of them with each shot* now that`s what i call Combos | |
| Want to say thanks to PedophiliaMan for this comment? Give them a month of reddit gold. Please select a payment method. PayPal BitCoin Credi | |
| Enjoy Newand Exciting RecipesIncludingBuffalo Chicken Mac & Cheeseand"Mac & Cheese Gone Wild". | |
| my dimwit sons love it when i drop them off at the car dealership for 7 hours while i cruise around for bargain's | |
| well i believe its time to ugly up my face with some techno baby bullshit to show everyone how unapologetically humorless i am #throughglass | |
| @obamacare69 because, of how good it is, | |
| i swear to everyone on this site that i am truly, truly a good and compassionate person, and i have a completely normal dick that isnt small | |
| i regret being tasked the emotional burden of maintaining the final bastion of morality and NIce manners in this endless ocean of human SHIT | |
| @dogboner no!! its all too much! | |
| @FlakeJay theyre bad except me | |
| im going to power up my content in this year 2014 by divorcing my wife and crowdsorsing a new gfx card for me. thats my guarantee | |
| i'm going to beat the shit out of asimo. im gping to knock it on its ass while its trying to use a staircase at a trade show. dreadful beast | |
| asimo is a weakling. it cannot stand up while being punched. they didnt program it to fight or defend itself. i will probably win this | |
| @LRcomic @jitka ill destroy him in public and then i will take off his space helmet and unmask him | |
| @ASIMO @KellyandMichael coward | |
| @ASIMO im going to knock its teeth out | |
| @ASIMO you look like a nerd made out of diapers | |
| cops need grenades. doinate all of your hand grenades to the local police force or face insane cop torture forever | |
| the asimo robot is full of rats. nobody ever washes it | |
| handsome single adutl man contracts scurvy after eating nothing but oscar mayer lunchables for 4 years and blames his dentist | |
| please put a helipad on my shitty roof | |
| wiping your teeth down with toilet paper or giving them a quick spray with the hose; that's the good shit. toothpaste is flim flam from hell | |
| ARMYMAN: the US military now Officially endorses cruel and unusual torture agianst qdoba fanboys and Ignorant-Minded peopleME: b-b...badass | |
| @BigMoney_Morrow its good. no wait, its bad, because theyre all morally bankrupt and Heinous brand murderers | |
| @bing answer for your crimes, fucker http://t.co/P6FMEnbz0o | |
| i am sick and tired of having my page mocked just because ihave a lot of good opinions on apps, on hashtags, and all of that good shit | |
| just give me one hour and no swear filter and i can literally completely destroy anyone psychologically with aim instant messenge | |
| uh oh... think I feel another BIEBBER RANT coming on !! #TheFamousBieberRant #MyBreadAndButter | |
| i receive a generous amount of funds from the US government, as they believe that my good tweets are an effectuive deterrent to masturbation | |
| i'm wild about Setups | |
| id like to report an error of the googleglass please. if you accidentally wear it backwards it sends video of a big horrible eye to everyone | |
| some opf the things people put on this website set off the old "BULL SHIT" detector..... | |
| i cannot die... not toda.y.. there's still so much SUperbly Awkward Shit to reblog | |
| mn, http://t.co/NdnbekAZDO | |
| content 2 http://t.co/hST5OWjymR | |
| there is no football position known as "Sniper". ive been tricked by this load of crap | |
| why would anyone want to put hell on wheels. what kind of satan would allow this | |
| actually, i have big red burn marks on my ass for a cool reason. i fucked up smoking a ciggerate | |
| juust not in the mood for content today... not while my fellows are being hunted down in the street like dog 's just for preferring Blu Ray- | |
| where were you when Pibb_Lord_Janus posted his epic takedown of "Betty Boop" | |
| i will devour all sinners in the name of all polite boys online | |
| @woodmuffin @robbercat im not goiing unless the good people of http://t.co/hdBR2JqY9X can raise $200,000 to transport me and my hardware | |
| @woodmuffin @robbercat AUUAHHHHGH | |
| [man leans into doorway of WTC bathroom]"Hey, you gotta finish up in there. 9/11 is happening.""Alright. Just a sec." | |
| i will be at bradlees dept store promoting my new line of mustards for the next 16 hrs and I ask that nobody tries to assassinate me please | |
| im the smart adult with my shirt pulled over my head so I can play holdum poker on my phone with out having my performance affected by glare | |
| nnone of you are supposed to read these | |
| @flufferfish im obviously being punished for my subpar output, | |
| please check out my new article "Allergy Season is Fucking Good Actually" which will shatter your precious little minds and make yo'u cry | |
| dis charged from the army for doing memes too much | |
| average person online: Durr!! Durr!!Me: That makes no sens.e Please be reasonable and not post the most inmature shit. | |
| "Ur honor, if Mr Pibb was truly this man's uncle, then surely hed be able to dazzle us with Pibb Merch"JUDGE:damn he's right. No Pibb Merch | |
| speaking of war crimes, some say the white flag of surrender was inspired by a piece of toilet paper dangling pitifully from my ass | |
| @poffdeluxe truly we are living in the worst of all possible hells | |
| me: i dont even care if they cancel sportshoward stern: Thats wild | |
| https://t.co/ckN8qthgZ1 +||+||+||+ HAcKeD by KFCDominica +||+||+||+ ,,\,, Fuk U ..\.. +||+||+||+ ︻デ┳═ー /̵͇̿̿/'̿'̿ ̿ - /̵͇̿̿/'̿'̿ ̿ | |
| joke's on you; i actually love being body slammed by one dozen perfect wrestlers. and my mouth isn't filled with bloodm, it's victory wine | |
| metal chains begin to fly out of every hole of my computer while i scream like a fucking iddiot in a child's comedy film | |
| i wont let nasa sent me to mars [does the dx cross chop with guns] fuckin alright | |
| popular youtube user "LunchPhreak22" often enjoys "Phreaking" his lunches by poisoning them for the amusement of his viewers | |
| It's Saturday night. Hand me the cold one fellas | |
| Sorry fucked up | |
| donald trump has no time to fuck. he looks at his watch and says "i could not possibly fuck at this juncture." as he powerwalks into the zoo | |
| @seanthetimelord im husband to him | |
| "guns are the most inportant weapon of our time. lock and load. see you at the Range." - anonymous | |
| https://t.co/cetUVljy9Y baby mario is not mario's son in 2014 | |
| @MemeAmoeba fuck no. due to luigi's bullshit there will never be a year of anybody again | |
| i will say this. when I finally ascend to the final plane of consciousness .nerds will get extremely yelled at | |
| daily reminder that i wear a suit and tie daily eeven though I have not set foot in public for over 16 years #GoodBoy #Hansdome | |
| i dont trust banks. especially the pig shaped ones | |
| once again its up to me to take the high road. while everyones making jokes of the fat weed smoker mayor ill be whipping myself in his honor | |
| @sbeams weed is a type of crack | |
| My (new) Twitter value is $0, according to http://t.co/zzZzntzRrD ... What about yours? | |
| BACOn is some fairly good and epic shit !! Wow http://t.co/hHxvEWwHxr | |
| the family gathers around the PC to run a google image search for "invader zim crying" | |
| the us government has its top men working day and night to invent a paper towel that is large enough to wrap me up and dispose of me | |
| it is absolutely impossible to leave smartass comments on my page and lead a happy, fulfilling life at the same time. i need to believe this | |
| @BAKKOOONN free julian assange | |
| u know irt's a Monday when you rear-end a cop car and your trunk pops open, launching 500 or so jars of piss onto another cop car behind you | |
| @Dj_Toaster my fucking content is flawless. you fucking bozoes have gone too far with this shit. youre the one who looks ridiculous; not me | |
| billions of people are shitting and pissing everyday. it's too many. it';s poisoning the earth. consult your laywer before using the toilet | |
| yu fucking idiot i wanted to make a sniper rifle out of those toilet paper tubes and now that theyve touched the trash theyre no good to me | |
| in my version of indiana jones he shoots the boulder with a sniper rifle hundreds of times instead of running away from it | |
| they just said on the news that there's a group of hooded grotto dwellers who are legally changing people's names to "Beezo" posthumously | |
| @sunfilter http://t.co/pPS38CfDp4 | |
| ↑↑↑ U Are Now Cybernetically Engaged Via Intercom Uplink To The Realm Of TheBeerPope ↑↑↑ | |
| drunk driving may kill a lot of people, but it also helps a lot of people get to work on time, so, it;s impossible to say if its bad or not, | |
| @jedgarnaut this is a very important thing in the economny | |
| i dont understand trash talk. i t think everyone should just agree with each other. it's easy | |
| @Brandon_Heath10 Fuck you | |
| @plsburydoughboy hows my nuts tastes | |
| @SolitaryTweeter break your lips mother fucker | |
| @radiometricx i epicly agree | |
| danzeisen: i need the logo to be a shitting assquigley: but were a sports companydanzeisen: draw that ass up pronto http://t.co/HFI2PaIDUG | |
| i want to tattoo ancient Runes onto a dolphin | |
| ---------------- COP ZONE---------------- | |
| i love to use fists, poison spray, or gun agaisnt the citizens, depending on how mad i am | |
| (bored in apartment on two week administrative leave after nuking a 14 year old girl with a napalm launcher) THIS FUCKIN SUX !!!!! | |
| sorry, for a second there i thaught the real hank hill retweeted me. | |
| also, the cop zone feature is done now | |
| @Vanhollaaa no | |
| the latest rumor ;which i dont even care to discuss or give a shit about, is that i was seen drinking out of a bird bath on easter sunday | |
| my opponent's eccentricities are well known. hes probably the one who drank bird bath. he is on record as calling birdbath water "bird juice | |
| confidently reclining in my seat after calling my onlinw adversary a "shitbarn" | |
| im tierd of extroverts crucifying me and my cool introvert friends | |
| ive already accepted that im going to hell because I mispronounced church as "gurtch" once | |
| my mansion sucks | |
| ass is the most poisonous part of the human | |
| https://t.co/fPhdrAwpPs Gudetama Sanrio English | |
| @Bro_Pair never | |
| please contact me if you own one of the six corporations who controls 90% of the american media or if you're of the dragen race | |
| who ever told me that kim dot com's secret doge coin stash was bureid under the roof of my house is an idiot. i just dug a hole to. my house | |
| @TheRealRyanRudd i was banned from club penguin for roleplaying as a toucan | |
| @_AKA_DJ then grow up | |
| boycott all games that don't let me play as a cop | |
| my guest bathroom has 99 fake toilets and one real toilet and i use it to test the toilet abilities of all my guests | |
| probably like 4 of the wildfires from the news were caused by my shitty extension cords used for Nature Gaming. ha ha ha sorry firefighter's | |
| i know thiis isnt the popular circle jerk opinion, but people who swear while speaking to the 911 operator are gross | |
| "hello 911 I need a moat dug around my house immediately""sir this line is for emergencies only""Thuis is an emergency moat" | |
| just made a cool $30.00 from leting scientists hook me up with electrodes and watch me Game for 16 hours #IsThisHeaven | |
| "________ favorited a photo you were tagged in " SDONT YOU FUCKING DARE | |
| your post has bbeen Hotbugged by DipShitx666 | |
| i am a local politician and i just want to lick this fucking ridiculous huge lollipop without people photographing me and ruining my career | |
| spit takes are funny but if you do them in real life people will call you ass hole | |
| my world renowned "miserable adult cam" feature has been removed due to complaints | |
| im about to loose my shit if my feed doesnt slow down with th fucking posts. nobody could possibly read this fast. this is a travesty | |
| @evil_cheese_win retweet is a sham | |
| @harej if i unfollow anyone i will absolutley be murdered by them. im basically in prisoned. | |
| this has gone too far. im closing my account until people stop accusing me of being mad. i will also spend most of my time offline laughing | |
| @doms_a_faggot im going to close it as soon as im done browsing my updates. | |
| @Camera_Angel im doing it soon because of the crap. | |
| @TJdruer every other twitter account is in direct competition with my own. i would never compromise my status by promoting any of these pigs | |
| i've decided to open my account back up after a brief cooldown session with lobsterfest_ralph. | |
| @swagdemon99 no | |
| ived hacked into your beeper, champ. enjoy your inopportune beeping | |
| please wellcome Irony Cowbell to the world, my beautiful newborn daughter who will be named that forever | |
| i'm convinced that people only favorite my tweets so that they can use them to fuck me over in court at a later time, since they're not good | |
| moseying up to the girl on campus and whispering in her ear "got that fuckin pizza hut p'zone in my backpac" and straining my face intesnely | |
| @jahonkus Bastard | |
| RT @WillmanMatthew: My mom is watching Ellen right now and Mario and Luigi are on there and saying they are gay...what the hell is this damn country coming to | |
| RT @ElBlogiante: Que es esa mierda de Mario y Luigi gays en el show de ellen?! Ahora van a joder personajes que ni son de ellos para convencer las masas?! | |
| RT @Ryushi_Hiryuu: @TheEllenShow : Uhh, Ellen... Luigi and Mario ARE confirmed brothers by Nintendo.HOWEVER. Waluigi and Wario are NOT brothers as byNintendo | |
| interseting. it appears "emotions" were basically just rrage faces that people did in real life, before online existed, | |
| if youre that guy who emailed me last month asking to be my "intern" come forward so me & my rich friends can smack tennis balls at your ass | |
| @boring_as_heck thank you RandomMan. thank you Don. | |
| sorry grandma. your laptop was good but i shattered it into 1 million shards after i saw someone say SEO stood for "shit eater optimization" | |
| THE COMMON IMBECILE: the movie "cars 2" is better than the movie "cars 1" ME: alas this nation has truly gone, to the dogs!!!! | |
| baby food > cat food > human food > dog food. just the oipinion of me | |
| @Ulillillysses let`s get this insane takedown virel | |
| RT @ILLUSIV35TORM5: @kfc follow me PLEASE!!!! | |
| water is fucking gross. it tastes like nothing. assholes drink it | |
| the onl thing i can drink without vomiting anymore is diet peach snapple mixed with skim milk and breadcrumbs | |
| regarding hideous new happy meal box: has anyone put their dick in its mouth and took a pic yet. will they send me coupons for being the 1st | |
| @zeroprospects i donjt believe in porno my friend. but thank you for interacting with my page | |
| and dildos do not count. any schmuck can put a dildo in its mouth. that is the coward's method | |
| oh and also thanks for the troops | |
| "oh this?? im only wearing this shit in case i need something to wipe my ass with"-something i just said to impress all my shirtless friends | |
| infinite amount of alternate universes where i shit my pants during my wedding which will only go away if i break stephen hawking's computer | |
| @jcynavarro fuck your ma ma. piss off your own ass | |
| cleanning my assault rifles with wads of toilet paper | |
| just me again reminding all of you seriousyl dumb motherfuckers to get your daily sperm count. some of you are walking around with weak cum. | |
| ANGRRY FUCKIN BIRDS.... HOLY... I CAN'T EVEN. . | |
| the wise man bowed his head solemnly and spoke: "theres actually zero difference between good & bad things. you imbecile. you fucking moron" | |
| "if youu die in hell you die in real life" - demon philosopher matthew | |
| my nudes.. have strengthened my brand. apparently barkeepers glue them to the back of their urinals to stop people from pissing on the floor | |
| copy puste this if you think that rhinos can kick humans ass ,even if humans are using the guns. | |
| checking my computer chiar for GPS Trackers, left by ex-wife or cops | |
| i'm pisser #1 http://t.co/a9Fz0kxh8h | |
| blocked. blocked. blocked. youre all blocked. none of you are free of sin | |
| let's all kick the BTK killer's ass, all of us who make the good tweets,. we've got to meet up and beat the BTK killer's ass and go on dates | |
| just kidding. i'm normal intelligence | |
| @emilysipiora no you're like 4 yeras old | |
| im joining the army and then im joining ufc if im not too fucked up from the army. and thats the cold facts | |
| i attribute the complete failure of my brand to the actions of detractors, oor my "trolls", as it were, as well as my own constant fuckups | |
| i would sooner die than relinquish ownership of my dale carnegie mousepad to either of my fat sons | |
| dont really care if my gaming chamber has black Mold all over it.. ill just curpstomp pubbies with my shirt pulled up over my nmose | |
| as torrents of horse piss splatter clamorously onto my forehead I scream in absolute torment but make no attempt to move or cover my face | |
| @ShrekPissSlave Damn true, this | |
| casually discarding styrofoam container filled with buffalo wing remnants into the passing stroller of a baby | |
| .@KonamiCodeKnower i know yorure online. i know you've been stealing handfuls of gravel from my driveway and hiding them in your big shirt | |
| a series of incurable skin conditions have caused my dick to look like Darth Maul's dick, and that's the only good thing about me | |
| kudos to FX for promoting a tweet with horrible eyeball gore for some bad tv show aand pissing off a bunch of ladies http://t.co/AWLuMk4akP | |
| Im goig to drive a nail through my cock to promote ABC's "The Middle"", and I will be paid $18 for doing it. | |
| but enough about my dick. today, I would like to talk to all of you about the Toilet. | |
| @bug_emails i would not sit that close to a fountain in real life. they are disgusting breeding grounds for all manner of microscopic vermin | |
| @bug_emails take, this down | |
| will e3 have designated crying booths. im sick of crying in the bathroom where people shit. | |
| @davidsexton94 im a jornalist | |
| just the other day i was taking a bath and i saw a tiny tugboat in there leaving a chemtrail. i told it to fuck off. im a green beret gunman | |
| two truths & a lie: (1) i use the fatsuit from big momma house 2 as a corset (2) im in trouble at the dump (3) please dont reprint this info | |
| most famous birds: 1.Krfc 2. talking parrot who said "i love you" the night he died3. thanksgiving turkey4. tweety bird4(Tie). Phoenix | |
| *sees the e3 logo on a website, tthrows head back and screams the word "Epic" before immediately defaulting to aberrant emotionless state* | |
| #OpenCarryGamestop http://t.co/FBgdCAunvG | |
| how would u like a taste of fuckin basooka ammo!!! or else!! | |
| probably, if I got night terrors constantly id just say something like "This is fuckin cool" instead of taking all kinds of pills and shit | |
| now that all of my last-gen hardware is completely obscured by Animal shit , #e3 2014 may officially begin | |
| (fantasizing about dangling off hood of my moving car adn touching the truck nuts on the jeep in front of me with tongue) hell yea, actually | |
| @911VICTIM @motherlesscub im going to zap myself with a taser gun unitl u two stop fighting on my tl | |
| i did eat an ant farm once | |
| please God if you're out there I ask that you turn my praying hands into bird seed so that I can no longer bother you with dumb ass reqUests | |
| i will nevr add baby huey to the famous bird list. he wouldnt even make top 40. i will NOT back down on this, U obnoxious, ungrateful pricks | |
| oh whatd this?? another death threat in my inbox? well know this, i fear a world of subpar bird tyranny more than death | |
| i live for the tears of all baby huey fanboys. their suffering is more essential to my being than the blood flowing through my veins | |
| @blackoutbadger @wolfpupy Baffling lack of respect. | |
| attention all cops on reddit who have murdered people ; was it Awkward? what gun did you use. did you get a promotion | |
| i'm going to be the one who makes a "got milk" parody so good that everoyne forgives me for trying | |
| Respectfully, The Tim Hortons Nihilist | |
| if you like the band sex pistols you will also enjoy my band called "the gun pistols" | |
| feeling extremly threatened by gamerscores | |
| @GarbageInfested yeah im shit i know i know | |
| @SweetVncVnc @J_Cullens @zeroprospects @FutureFriendSA @TimHortons LEAE ME THE FUCK ALONE | |
| good to online shop http://t.co/O03IU6pZmJ | |
| my combat jeans deflect most bow and arrows shots and also prevent me from thinking about sex | |
| ok. i basicly need one of the girls on this website to marry me by june 30 and i am absolutely under zero obligation to send you pics of me, | |
| i can't post the reason i need a wife from this website by june 30 because that info is private. grow the fuck up. all of u | |
| i am indeed a friend to sports. let everyone who claims that i am not a friend to sports face the grin reaper | |
| @mtn_dew @TacoBell SEND TACO BELL YOUR DICK | |
| i get dozens of compliments about my perfect ears every day. it's llike Shut the fuck up. Im trying to eat a bagel in my car and you do this | |
| i will skewer the trolls at last by scanning a legal document whichc states that it is entirely permissible for me to weep openly at perkins | |
| the emerald nuts corporation deducts my pay substantially for each death thrreat i receive so please stop it | |
| advising everyone on this dumb ass website not to block me to ensure that my sub par written word can reach your grubby shit smeared devices | |
| @protoglyph yes. i have about a year's worth of images queued. one whole year of shit | |
| FULLY IMMERSED IN THE TIME LINE-- AH DEAR LORD | |
| you gotta cut the shrimp down the middle to get that good turd out, | |
| im crying because doctors banned the cure for low T again | |
| Doctor Who: Fucking athesit piece of shit. Admit god is real NOW*Waterboards him*Atheist: No!! I dont want to Dr Who: Im going to kill you | |
| @TheBiggestNasty i dont know. i have never seen a doctor who | |
| RT @life_beater: @dril fucking terrible. #unfollow | |
| @nataliejmooney Im sucking off a big ass onion right now. Urrghh | |
| surgury to become japanese. Surgeruy to become Japanese | |
| i did certainly tilt my entire hosue 45 degrees just so i could install a zipline from my orthopedic gamer cushion to the toilet | |
| @AidanMacCoy all off them | |
| my favorite part of nascar is when I vomit all over my shirt and car after the race., desecrating the logos of the brands that enslave me | |
| U have accepted an E-kiss from "ShirtRemover". U have accepted an E-kiss from "ShirtRemover". U have accepted an E-kiss from "ShirtRemover". | |
| the only crime dick cheney committed was being born into a world where goofusmouths are allowed to flap their gumms at true mighty armymen | |
| i left a diaper filled with pulled pork at 1 randomly selected radio shack in the united states. whoever finds it gets to #BringHomeTheBacon | |
| lvoe to perform aerial leg drops on the referee | |
| fucking.. actual yes http://t.co/eRm6R1S0lu | |
| @Ulillillysses im really sorry to everyone whose twitter immersion has been irreparably fuckefd up by me posting that | |
| @JohnAmstrong do it fucke r. everyone on this trash website has already seen each other's dicks. i am not afraid | |
| @ItsDings yes but i nnever do searches on him so it's weird that this happened. | |
| @lowtax @jrindyk @CUSSBRO i should be banned from every site | |
| please stop saying barnum & bailey is suing me for "stealing their clown routine". they are suing me for very serious and legitimate reasons | |
| a man does a wheelie past you in a motorcycle. the back of his jacket says "TAKE DOWN THE POSTS" | |
| ((speaking too close to the microphone at press conference)I have never watched a single episode of the Teletubbies. They look like fools | |
| kfc sextuple down is back. pieces of lettuce and tomato encased in perfect cube of processed bird. "The most vile fucking thing imaginable" | |
| i love having molotov cocktails trown at me in the cyber cafe-- not. idiot | |
| ive accepted that i will have to reincarnate into shitty microorganisms like 50 quadrillion times before i become something cool like an ant | |
| im going to have to put the tiny padlock next to my username until people stop oppenly disparaging the Food Pyramid | |
| i weawr blackface while i game to improve performance. i have no intention of racist. That will be the final post before i turn my phone off | |
| @Dril_Analyst thank's | |
| barney doesnt actually die. he just becomes more and more obscured by bulletholes until i close the window. hes still smiling. fuck this app | |
| (i shoot you with massive plasma cannon that sounds like a jet endgine when i shoot it and turns you into blood instantly)suprise fuck face! | |
| please remember to click on the things i post here to see how many favs they got and to sneak a peek at the buzz that they are generating. | |
| @HiImBleep i poisoned it for laughs | |
| some times it's the small things that are good #Truth_In_Life #Deals #Abominable http://t.co/jKgDkdYEzZ | |
| llove saying "damn" | |
| all girls on this website... im here to protect u from online swearing... pleae... please understand.. | |
| going to burn dOwn my power lines and go off the grid for a bit until all the smug butthurt drama fedorra script kiddy fanboys take a hike, | |
| they should make dunce caps that have positive reaffirming words on them, like "speed demon" or "Wolf" | |
| i call evbery four-legged animal I see a dog and I am correct more often than not so I will never stop | |
| @TalesOfGames @FLSupercon will calling the police about this affect my backer status | |
| nice no true scotsman fallacy. hm, typical tu quoque fallacy. ah, the classic "grab me by the ears & crack my face with your knee" fallacy, | |
| scorlling through massive amounts of online clutter empowers me | |
| by day i'm a mild mannered toilet specialist, but when i pick up the contorller i become Vance Hardgamer, rreal life murderer extraordinaire | |
| Doctor: Gaming will one day kill u, Vance.Vance: I Dont care and im going to murder youDoctor: I am willing to die to make you stop gaming | |
| when will the supreme court weigh in on people who jack off to feet | |
| a "keg" is teenspeak for a large barrel of the vile drug known as "Beer". they can be as tall as 12 ft and are often used to crush policemen | |
| to the longhorn steakhouse which refused to serve me: a bib most certainly counts as a shirt | |
| iwant to outfit the scope on my sniper rifle with net flicks | |
| when the trolls have my internet access removed i will not allow that to end the content flow. i will nail my insipid "Tweets" to my car | |
| being in full control of tthe shit that shows up on my computer monitor makes me feel like a sort of twisted conductor. .. or perhaps, God. | |
| i am going to plunge a sword into our bed and officially end outr 40 yr marriage if you do not stop yelling while i am recording my stream's | |
| i got a big wet piece of corn and the cob in my bindle and i cant wait to run it over with my truck after im done chewing on it | |
| Hell Yes;. the army is putting me and my guns on a plane back to iraq. Thius is like real life DLC | |
| (crying now ) my friend QuiznosMale needs lijke 2000 sq ft of carpet by thursday and none of you are helping him with the carpet | |
| bread has never been good. let it be known on here that i will never eat the shit food bread. | |
| "auuahuhuh" some nerd who wears glasses probably right now | |
| nice smart car. now about im going to murder it with my cow boy whip | |
| awfully bold of you to fly the Good Year blimp on a year that has been extremely bad thus far | |
| [apps help us day to day in our lifes... but some men have twisted the apps to fulfill their oqwn selfish desires. beware these 'dark apps'] | |
| spending my weekend retooling a joke about fucking the tiny hole in the bathroom sink that prevents the water level from increasing toom uch | |
| @__boehm__ duhh aduhh aduh | |
| dominating thte buffet table with a pair of Sai | |
| i want to take one of those cruises where people shit right there on the boat but apparently they only happen randomly as a surpris,e | |
| in hell you are forced to smoke weed | |
| foghorn leghorn argentino unofficial | |
| i had my jeans bronzed as an infant. and they still fit mother fucker | |
| @Dril_Analyst Eat Shit | |
| jay leno does not urinate in his cars. do not put that idea in my head. i would die protecTing jay lenos cars from urine | |
| @wolfpupy my sources tell me he uses the toilet like a normal man. | |
| the pringles man is the ghost of uncle pennybag, the monopoly man. this is the first opinion ive ever posted so please be gentle. #BrandLore | |
| i do not know the official name of the pringles man. but it is NOT "bruce pringles", as the trolls often assert, | |
| it would be somewhat fucking good if all the girls on this site printed my avatar out and started kiissing it ,as a joke | |
| instead of fumbling around with a wallet i like to carry my cash and credit cards in a huge green trash bag bulging out of my shirt pocket | |
| if by some circumstance i was given the winning lotery numbers, i would not use them, for the lottery is a sacred institution #GoodBoyThings | |
| you are my commander and ch ief... always.. always.. http://t.co/CNFNFSGDrw | |
| heads up: they got free toilets at mcdonalds now | |
| The b est shit I ever did was shatter all the windows in a room just by doing a perfect somersault | |
| kkkjoiner asserts that theres a secret mcdonalds buried under the school and it sells guns too. thats uh, made up. thats a big crack of shit | |
| you've disgraced the uniform of Police. hand me your badge, gun, hat, knife, belt buckle, cowboyboots, laser whip, bullet purse, cock ring, | |
| very concerned about celeb s | |
| S.O.S Save Our Selebs | |
| im really mad that we as a society constantly allow our celebs to starve to death in the creul and unforgiving wilderness | |
| @SolitaryTweeter dont say of this | |
| breastfeed a celeb today | |
| whats the job where you dress up like a michelin man and get attacked by vicious dogs. anyway thats the thing i spent $800000 at college for | |
| ive narrowed it down to the church of scientology & the united states marines. whichever one allows me to jerk off more wins the tiebreaker | |
| @zeroprospects i play it smart by pissing into the toilet. | |
| thje opening riff of "Life In The Fast Lane" repeats over and over forever while me and the boys shoot at a septic tank with airsoft rifles | |
| cant wait til my teeth fall out so i can get those new gamer dentures that all the chatrooms are screaming about | |
| "durr lets leberage each others brands" "dahh okay" ((the two men rub their asses together while licking the screens of their web tablets) | |
| do speak to me about the economy, Cuisine trends, and middle east things. dont speak to me abou joe dirts balls, and killing me. | |
| @USArmy im a solder | |
| @USArmy you should invent a gun that sjhoots nuclear bullets | |
| i think police should get extensive background checks so that i can hire all fo the most insane, mentally ill cops as my personal bodyguards | |
| nerd with lame attitude: North Korea is badMe: Have you ever lived there.nerd: (his glasses fall off)Me: Catch you later | |
| @bigtittedsluts agreeud, | |
| RT @bonberman: bonberman | |
| seeing the hospital workers dreessed in pajamas?? like "seriously?" im a sleepys mattress professional. id get killed for wearing that trash | |
| "my mario tip: Anything is possible in the world of Mario." - my mario tip | |
| attn : man with "Pedobear" car decal who cut me off at 70mph on i-295 -- nicely donme. Superb | |
| bring me your dead pet and i will make a sword out of it for $39 | |
| KLEBOLD: Wtf is this shitHARRIS: "Wii Sports Resort"? U call urself a gamer?LANZA: ...KLEBOLD: Get these fuckin trashbags off the windows | |
| @AndyRichter never. i take pride in my craft | |
| (shoots all whistleblowers with the doom 2 bfg gun) thats what u get for disrespecting your jobs & bosses amd making a mockery of Employment | |
| im sorry but if you continue to spit tobacco down my exposed ass crack I will be forced to stop unclogging your garbage disposal for no pay | |
| one, of, the , reasons, my, dick, is, not, good, is, because, there, are, stains, on, it, | |
| oop, autocorrect got me. what i meant to say was "i cant wait to eat shit right out of the sewer and suck some outrageously gay clown dicks" | |
| custom long john silvers gift certificate that says "Partyboy" on it plealse | |
| this guys losin his mind. theres just so much quality shit on here http://t.co/gdVEIr3DLe | |
| CONFIRmed in corocoro magazaine: "Donkey kong is Diddy kong's Mom". gamers i can assure you this is the most tantalizing gender scandal yet. | |
| going to be doing some extremely powerful introspective poses on the railroad track for the next couple hours, so please cancel all trains | |
| @shrekpissslave its not enough!! its not enough! | |
| blurays is a game changer. look for the bluray disks, at the store. | |
| yeah thats right babe... im in the shower right niow.. wearing nothin but a neon green tracksuit, and some belts | |
| let's be real. they should mkae a less ignorant version of the teen choice awards, and i should win one of them for coming up with the idea. | |
| my dick touched the floor by accident. im a god damned foolish imbecile | |
| @RealLunchables @blippar im uploading my awful nudes to this. sorry | |
| @RealLunchables @blippar again, I apologize. | |
| 100% body fat, 49 year old, normal Male. good at turning purple while lifting boulders and dropping them in ex-wife's driveway. Army strong | |
| @cinocality im a murine who loves confirmed kills | |
| i basically love to catch all the shit that falls off of peoples hamburgers with one of those tiny nets they use to scoop up goldfish | |
| 15 reasons why Comcast,m the company voted the worst in america, is actually the best one, and Here's Why: | |
| spike tv is showing some good vids of dudes urinating and im stuck here at work yelling at saudi arabians on the phone for $156.00 an hour | |
| most undergarments were invented and popularized by religious folk who deemed that jeans and denim were too sacred to touch the ass directly | |
| people shoot me a lot of Grief just because my wife is a stolen bar urinal with yogi bear's face printed abovbe the drain,. and they should | |
| detective sherlock holmes examines my crass pud with a magnifying glass and calls it a piece of shit | |
| sometimes it seems like i'm the only person who cares about, intelligence-related things, on the entire online. | |
| let's talk about planes now. the pilots are flying them up too damn high. it's dangerous. I don't like it. got to make them lower | |
| im actualy, probably, the most superbly relatable and normal person in this jail cell as of right NOw | |
| the cops need poison stun knives so they ca n arrest me harder, and every police cruiser should contain a coffin full of beer #MyNiceOpinion | |
| by ripping my phone book in half I have not only proven im strong, but that Im also a cool independent guy who doesn't need to call anybody | |
| i hae received my 3rd warning about squeezing the toilet paper too hard at the store. acme markets has declared war on my strength training | |
| i burned 100 extra calories today just by thinking aobut asses | |
| im trapped undermeath thousands of hissing metal pipes but im, still going to do my updates on here | |
| cant wait to dip a paint roller in my preferred brand of beer and suck it like a big yeti dick | |
| @jonnybuttface mr pib | |
| i call this next 18-tweet series "The Ice Bucket Challenge, But With Piss, Instead" | |
| attn: fucked up t-shirts incorporated-- get me a tweety bird with devil horns saying "I refuse to pay for a car wash" | |
| @Manlyburger i didnt start the series yet | |
| if i had a billion dollars id get wall-to-wall carpeting in my bathroom and donate the rest of it to the army | |
| HOT NEW VID -- CYBERDUNCE EVISCERATED BY ERROR PROMPT ON LAPTOP -- #TOPFAILS -- #TOPAWKWARD - FUCKING IDIOT - WATCH HIM CLICK "OK" | |
| grandmom kicked me out of the house because she caught me waterboarding an extremely small man | |
| wow i just dropped a bowling ball & out of all the billions of places it could have landed it hit me straight in the dick #GlitchInTheMatrix | |
| Although listed as a baby cowboy hat it is actually more the size for a 5-6 year old child. Needlessly to say, I returned it for a refund. | |
| i support UncleHalo's idea to replace the united states penny with shuriken | |
| "the definition of shuriken is extremely broad & encompasses any thrown weapon. a chair can be shuriken, for instance. a birdbath"-UncleHalo | |
| @UncleHalo i;ll have you arrested for cowardice | |
| @vinceness hell | |
| obama needs to stop writing constitutions or whatever and help my failing business sell rat hair to imbeciles | |
| i am selling six beautfiul, extremely ill, white horses. they no longer recognize me as their father, and are the Burden of my life | |
| (does some notes on a guitar) I Have been through my life a good man. I am a clever man (does some more notes and fucks it up) I m nice too | |
| tyler durden and the Joker and 007 agent james bond take turn beating up my ex-wifes car while i say "Cool" and "This is fine" | |
| @BAKKOOONN thats my setup | |
| i am actually the first guy who came up with the "aliens who smoke weed" joke, back in 2011 | |
| everyone who says my dick looks like a marshmallow has obviously never seen one before. do marshmallows have urethras in them, or balls?? no | |
| "insane clown posse? ?" Hm. *smirking, now* Sounds like a certain web site, that i see | |
| lets piSS UP A TOWN!! Everoryone reading this, lets all choose one small town randomly and publicly urinate all over it. Combine our piss | |
| i pay $5000 for a high end cpu just to get disrespected on my own god damn feed | |
| inexperienced shit taker here. need someone to hold my hands while i squat to ensure i dont fall backwards into my own mess. preferably girl | |
| DAD: your baby brothers missing, please put down the controller. help us find himME: Did u read the news. Gaming is a legitinmate hobby now | |
| proof of same...... http://t.co/cjzBWlvgKn | |
| head fully immersed in kfc bucket filled with hidden valley ranch dressing and m&ms. brand engagement locked in at one hundred percent | |
| indonesian pirates raid my yacht and find me on the floor fucking a styrofoam container | |
| @jaggings it was empty. i ate the food that was in there beforehand | |
| sick of hearing about the head honcho. what aobut the legs honcho. or the ass honcho. that's my opinion on honcho. thank you for reading it | |
| i have reported the nude celebs to the Motion Picture Association of America, and the oscars. the situation is under control thanks to me | |
| cant wait until work is over so i can stop sitting in front of this monitor and sit in front og the monitor at home which is 3 inches bigger | |
| @shoe0nhead all of my tweets are normal as hell | |
| @kanye cum piss poop ass | |
| "THe Beatles" have been cancelled, everyone. they will be replaced by me standing on stage for an hour, making my dick shrink on command | |
| DivorceLiker | |
| this brief column about portion control written by the voice actor of "Gumby" will chane your life... | |
| adult man stuck in glue trap given a stern talking-to from his rich uncle | |
| bazooka joe... habve you seen this guy. fuck him. he talks shit even though his comic strip is printed on garbage instead of a newspaper | |
| i cough and sneeze into the toilet like a smart adult | |
| leaked footage of me taking my dick off and puttingg it in a glass of polident on my nightstand before bed | |
| @HungryStu https://t.co/a6CoabkcWV Fine . | |
| RT @ass666: looking for cheap vacations | |
| i see how ti is. i provide the best content online to all my girl followers but when i ask to live with them for free they leave me for DEAd | |
| climmbing the power lines until i am less pissed off | |
| http://t.co/xCdU78APSJ | |
| koko the talking ape.. has been living high on the hog, wasting our tax dollars on high capacity diapers. No more. i will suplex that beast, | |
| list of activities enhanced by fingerless gloves: advanced keyboard & mouse manipulation, burying face in hands, wiping my as, pointing | |
| @Cryptoterra http://t.co/eypU5jrSlR | |
| @egg_dog im frowning at this mshit | |
| #AboveCowards | |
| @sus_as_hell the ape `s curse | |
| sick of our media's unrealistic portrayal of Boomerangs , which are weak as shit in real life | |
| please contact your cybersenators and tell them to tear down the bad computers | |
| dick stuck in a moth ball | |
| @leducviolet sorry. i sol;d my account to bubsfeed & reddit and all the bad websites. they wanted to buy it so they could put bad posts up | |
| film your wives you god damn morons. im paying top dollar for wife footage | |
| the latest from rex freeway http://t.co/wQTK4Kj3zO | |
| Some may say iim considered, the Bad Boy of controversy | |
| @YugiohJuan take it dowm | |
| @KonyMandela Take it down | |
| hell of a week folks. first the apple press conference fails to impress me and now it's 9/11. whats next | |
| @Zed418 i'll never. | |
| @ghostbiggie "could not be recognized" whoop's. owned again | |
| @PantsOmega It Didnt Work. | |
| @Cheesegod69 im nthe nice man who deserves this | |
| grinning like a shit eating bastard on the bus because i found the exact combination of words that will obliterate budweiser when i tweet it | |
| @Budweiser Fuck you smart alac | |
| @NeutronDre i posted them. please wait | |
| **kicks a plant over because of something a celeb did* fucking ass hole *vomits into the refrigerator because the new iphone is bad* shit | |
| im making a good version of "sky captain and the world of tomorrow" called "sky captain caveman killer" | |
| (Whimsical) i love to piss , right there in my big sweatpants (Serious) No. The toilet is the only place for piss | |
| i may be a dim-witted narcissist but at least i hafve really good opinions about life and other things | |
| really lookjing forward to going through puberty again and becoming a cop | |
| #ClickingMyMouse | |
| @unbub_ stand down, citizien | |
| @HipsterToast @kellmachine ok | |
| terriffic news lads. i invented my own ebola virus by lying face down on my rancid carpet 11 hours a day | |
| https://t.co/R1rPQUTLPU | |
| https://t.co/0Tah9yP4Zi | |
| https://t.co/AecSDSeAYs | |
| https://t.co/7yt904Vpfx | |
| https://t.co/LxTAQQXnxg | |
| https://t.co/MgqnikvQgT | |
| "please post more of these" "ok" | |
| https://t.co/KY4k5H8WQC | |
| https://t.co/AHGJGxuUS2 | |
| https://t.co/FPxk0bY5zU | |
| THank u all, for sharing the Online experience with me. Pretty damn good if i do say so my self. Aahh, just breathe it in. I'm illiterate | |
| i think if we lower the legal army age to maybe llike, 12, we will see a sharp decrease in recreational nudity | |
| *readign own timeline* holy fuckin shit this guy should be the new dick clark or something instead of posting these on the computer for free | |
| @BAKKOOONN thats my son. thats my exwife. thats me. thats my gf. thats a dog | |
| THHEYRE GOING TO MAKE A LOT OF FUCKING BUILDINGS IN TH NEXST COMING YEARS SO MAKE SURE TO INVEST A LOT OF MONEY IN WOOD | |
| THE BIG MONEY MAKERS BET ON ISIS EVERY TIME | |
| @teethfallingout http://t.co/IrVr1D1uea | |
| im getting my rat tail chrome plated in 2015 | |
| @swimming_baby nothing will stop me | |
| i have posted at length regarding my inane balls at the cost of my family, my career and my dignity. the least you can do is rack up my Favs | |
| "my daughter is dying. Help"no. i wil never sellout"kfc's making a burrito out of pigeon turds. hit us up with that signal boost"hell yes | |
| im developing an app called "mr. beer". you can use it to ask mr. beer if beer is his favorite drink and he might say yes. mr. beer 2015 | |
| thinking of getting 1 of those Yes icons on my avatar so I can just point to it when people ask me if im strong enough to carry my adult son | |
| @ntipot the official twiter app does a fine job of that already . | |
| and now to tackle celebrity tom cruise's claims that I look like "an eggplant with progeria". **crracks knluckles* that's uh, a fallacy | |
| you can put truck nuts on other things besides trucks idiot | |
| there's currently an image of an unidentified nude man making the rounds on several online circuits. please beware | |
| @NedRampage crook | |
| "WORM ASS" national prison made me into the man i am today. i would still be desecrating crypts be it not for the fine policemen of worm ass | |
| @zerogeewhiz the best damn posts for free mother fucker | |
| people think people smoke weed because it tastes good. well i'm here to tell you that people like it because it gets you drunk asap | |
| @Ulillillysses he doesnt belong threre | |
| @respected_loner @Ulillillysses iyour dm box....... | |
| dont even know how people are able to engage Thought Leaders on here with all these trollsters, hoopla rousers and clowny boys running loose | |
| what donest kill me makes me stronger ((gains infinite strength from being not killed by infinite things)) | |
| @_Hermit_Thrush_ HEuuahhghh!! http://t.co/SWggQD6wlu | |
| my father is a coach of football , best sport in the nfl, and i will kill you if you put onions in my salad | |
| i was better in the 90s before my account was bought by the actual ku klux klan & placed in a granite sphere surrounded by castrated pikemen | |
| @wooser69 tthis is the new Pythagorean Theorem | |
| mmy masters in agricultural science was just deemed invalid after footage arose of me dying | |
| @dogstoevsky bad tweet? where?? ha ha ha | |
| i attached a middle finger to each blade of my ceiling fan and i make it spin even when it's cold inside because it looks very much bad ass | |
| #SendMeToDerpConBecause im Rat | |
| @jsaffle1 o j simpson has replied to me | |
| im a fruad. i wear the wrangler jeans despite never having wrangled a single goddamn thing in my life | |
| @dirtypreston @_Hermit_Thrush_ boys....... pleease.. do not fight.. i beg u | |
| imagine how fucked uop it would be to have a brain and be able to form thoughts | |
| @sleepystalinist @lev_danny all dril is trash | |
| @albarvaro Eat shit | |
| sometimes i wonder what this place would be like if i wasnt around to call bull shit on all the jokers... probably the 9/11 crater but worse | |
| @steveyknight its the good new meme | |
| @duncepud @steveyknight its FUCKED UP!!! I JUST WANT TO POST | |
| @RolandJordan damn true this | |
| boy's in summertime... http://t.co/PK5V0t5QeV | |
| twittter posts a net loss of hundreds of millions of dollars each year just while i post highfalutin messages about my dick and ass | |
| @FoferJones "ass hole" | |
| @respected_loner @nataliejmooney thisi s a no take zone | |
| im about to get my piss tested for steroids. if they find steroids in there then ill start drinking it instead of going to the steroid store | |
| Beat the shit out of the football. Beat the shit out of the football. Beat the shit out of the football. 11 43 22 36 hothothothot | |
| Monsanto Yes #MonsantoYes | |
| @acrosstheaether thank you for being the first one | |
| fuck you. dont you know who i am. im the big palooka who eats frozen dumplings on 24/7 live cam while people clal the swat team on me | |
| i see this well has run dry. time to saddle up and mosey along #TheProcess http://t.co/jwCXvyIsqQ | |
| "[Tipping] is...the last refuge of toads" - Thomas Jefferson"Do not tip the waitress" - Monroe"i dont tip bitch. Reblog this" - John Adams | |
| Hell is Real http://t.co/8JRZNMkgrn | |
| @vtlynch yeah im a fake piece of shit now and im rich ha ha ha | |
| @kcgreenn someone compared it to family guy alredy. Im finished | |
| @SRN_lol i used flash but toonboom is probably better | |
| ==ultimate mom pics== | |
| my dick hits all the wrong notes and smells like newsPaper | |
| "All My Rowdy Friends Are Coming Over Tonight" is a song written and recorded by American country music performer Hank Williams, Jr | |
| @BongVivant hank william jr is not horse shit | |
| hank williams jr fired from his new job of yelling in front of a chrysler dealership for calling esteemed justice sonia sotomayor a Swindler | |
| @BongVivant yeah but hes really smart | |
| "i think that, if every American had a math book in his hand, instead of the big gulp, we would be in a better place, of the country." -Dril | |
| @thecatfishshark did you check all of the trash cans | |
| HandsomeTruthTeller,Your YouTube account has been suspended for the following reasons: Extortion, Treason, | |
| @BigMoney_Morrow every one of my tweets puts me about $500 deeper in the red | |
| everyone on this site thinks they're hard core but i bet if they took poison to weaken their bodies i would win fights against them handily | |
| @HiImBleep the anime web turnpike girl is like 50 yearsold now | |
| @HiImBleep too each, there own | |
| @HiImBleep http://t.co/zUpLijmjlP | |
| ((frowning) cause im the Apps Man (depression) YEah yeah im the apps man | |
| it is with a heavy heart that i must announce that the celebs are at it again | |
| yell prayers to the lord our god http://t.co/cVC08pyfBy | |
| @siilverteeth i dont remember how this image got on my comptuer and theres 0 results when i try to image search it | |
| @siilverteeth its either anonymous the hacker or an angel | |
| @ermannociao @duncepud ((crrying) im sorry | |
| "Device Lets Fully Paralyzed Rats Walk Again" -bunkum. i for one will not put up with this resurgence of walking rats and my followers agree | |
| @NeutronDre well im doing uh, the angry face meme | |
| "peppa pig" is the latest children's TV show that my followers cant wait to see ripped to shreds by my high IQ intelligence, live on my feed | |
| archeologists in the year 4500 AD dig up a massive gym locker containing mummies of the 15 nerds who visited my website using a nintendo wii | |
| @BileCube i dont cotton to tthat shit | |
| @BileCube some guy snatched my name up already, its garbage | |
| measure to approve massive depressing statue in the center of town depicting an emaciated mayor carrying a boulder that says "My Sons" on it | |
| i love haivng my face and head spit shined by army men while i am trying to play rpgs professionally and efficiently in my beanbag chair | |
| listen son, if someone calls you a horses ass, you look him in the eye and tell him "horses asses are actually incredibly strong, and clean" | |
| my name is Destyn. i build crossbows and sell weed to all your dads and im 15 | |
| im so insanely hyperintelligent from spending 14hrs a day absorbing Twitter knowledge that im no longer amused by nmovies about 3d animals | |
| plaese help my loathsome son find a professional who will tattoo the cheesecake factory logo onto his chest with no backtalk or jokes | |
| worse than goldman sachs: secret tapes of me bleating like a shit-covered animal because time magazine refuses to publish my meemes | |
| please stop sending pictures of girls urinating to my house. it ws funny when i was 16 but now it is affecting my standing within the church | |
| maybe instead of a toaster they shoul call it a "Toast cooker" #normalMansThoughts | |
| @Nytzschy @DecayDJK @djfilippone @nickLbrothers i was buzz feed until i sold th account to jiffy lube for $100. this is common knowledge | |
| @911VICTIM thats very sad | |
| @sanxbile @911VICTIM whos this. Whos this guy. whys he saiying this here | |
| THERAPIST: your problem is, that youre perfect, and everyone is jealous of your good posts, and that makes you rightfully upset.ME: I agree | |
| mmy appreciation of pat sajaks wardrobe is extremely well known; and is the only aspect of my life that is not shrouded in complete disgrace | |
| @Jaxon_Dillinger devon | |
| RT @Bastard6: looking for news on Iran | |
| RT @budweiserguy: have a lunch | |
| when the war ended, my grandpa was spit upon but kept his pride—it is in this spirit that i choose to carry the burden of Gamer . #GamerGate | |
| @InWithTheAshes i am serios | |
| society is changing, constantly ggrowing and improving, and i think it is time for spider-man to show his dick | |
| no. no it is too soon. ignore my previous tweet please | |
| i vow to continue improving my Posture uuntil my chest consumes the earth | |
| [(launches sack;s of burning medical waste into the side of someones house for having a bird feeder on their porch)] Fucking Bird Helper | |
| my putty stance. fuck all putty http://t.co/Ybq2iKBCTa | |
| @DrewBroj glorified mud | |
| every little thing that U do......Baby im amazed by U... http://t.co/z5BtJP0vNh | |
| @_Hermit_Thrush_ theyre fucking horrible, they suck | |
| @internetcaleb @bug_deal @frknbns im bad now | |
| @Dreamking89 what about i take a big jar, i shit and piss in it for like 3 months and then sneak into your house and dump it on your bed | |
| @Dreamking89 im a good man, a respectful man | |
| underwhelm by social media..posted 6 pics of my clean mouth, fresh from dentist,but ppl are more interested in yapping at their shit friends | |
| @Dreamking89 piss also | |
| the btk killer spits in my god damn face. the impact cuases my neck to whiplash and separate 2 of my vertebrae. i flip him the bird but good | |
| later that night, i post "the btk killer fuckin sucks" on the official guestbook of peep marshmallow. my opst is then removed by a moderator | |
| is it true that the ebola man works at a @cocacola plant. it would be fucked up if he touched the cans and shit, | |
| @CocaCola Damn. The blogs confirmed it | |
| watch what happesn when a man with nothing to lose collides with 4000 "babe the Pig" commemorative plates piled next to a sears dumpster | |
| tactical knuckle man | |
| @MPRodney i dont know how to make the good tweets anymore, like thte one from 2012 where i piss on a ferret in a pyramid or something | |
| @MPRodney theres a new dril in town and its me, the millionaire who buys twitter accounts to make them less funny | |
| remember to always have samples of urine, shit, semen and blood attached to your belt to avoid wasting the doctor';s time if you get sick | |
| to my mates online: im raising $1900 so i can drink a ton of olive oil to see if it turns to shit when i shit it out or just stays olive oil | |
| i am not going to post pictures of the oilive oil after i shit it out, as that would be unsafe for work | |
| some people say that area 51 is a jail for aliens. i say its where the army keeps their best guns | |
| as a 46 year old teen I would like to apologize to all old dudes on behalf of the teen generation, for decades of gangsterism and nonsense, | |
| youngsters are all fucked up due to elevated levels of incest that occurred during reagan-era protests. thats why theyre hooked on cellphone | |
| everyone giving me shit over the teen things I said is mad because im able to conSistently put up the good opinions before them &get the RTs | |
| Why is there anger on this world. In year 2014. You savage , hateful, ugly thing's | |
| @lowtax the forum that murdered "ravioli_dad" and "basedgarfield2"??? no thank u | |
| @MrBlanchat andrew is very intelligent and handsome and i will continue reblogging him to my 390000 followers because of that | |
| @90sPleb they are all crooks | |
| im rwriting a script about a smart and handsome army man cop who murders civilians but wants to stop murdering civilians because hes in love | |
| my timeline.. is my empire. oftentimes i find my self scrolling through it and just taking it all in;, feeling little to no shame whatsoever | |
| @BronzeHammer @duncepud im too busy frowning at the computer to eat | |
| judges are bullshit, your honor | |
| Tracks:1.Let me take my gallon bottle of pepto on planes2.The Catholic Church is on some Mike Jackson shit3.There is too many restaurants | |
| i dont follow anyone on this site, my feed is the pinnacle of cultural purity, i look at the blank goddamn page& blow kisses at it furiously | |
| @sl2c i dont tweet either | |
| (pics of hole in wall) thats what happen when i got very pissed off by the sports radio caller saying the football players should run slower | |
| http://t.co/1CiyCKWmQF | |
| now im a man whos been eating his fuckin spaghetti, i tell you what for damn sure. tghat being said, toilet paper needs to be about 3x wider | |
| Im at town hall getting a permit to have e xtremely bad opinions about guitars | |
| @BasedAnap the onion av club shoudl review my tweets so people can make graphs about how good i am | |
| looking around with high-tech goggles that display everyone's raw denim stats on a sleek HUD. i'm screaming because they're fused to my head | |
| whuh?? isis is good/? **slams face into monitor leaving a head-shaped hole* Whammo. Fuck off | |
| hello folks. country singer tim mcgraw here. thank you for listening to all of my songs http://t.co/179MwAgExq | |
| @TamKox tim went home | |
| @TamKox i will try to, but hes home | |
| pleasse read the article "Why I Choose To Masturbate" by Mutant Turd for truly valuable insight into the mind of the common masturbator | |
| @Clint_Bing go fuck your selve | |
| it may not be necessary for me to reply to every post on my feed with "I Agree" ,b but it is appreciated and nice, and I will never stop | |
| the massive pair of black angel wings that i wear to the gym fucking stink like shit now and they wont fit into the washing machine either | |
| stonehenge actually sucks and i hope someone pushes those rocks the hell over real soon | |
| nice shoes idiot. nice pants. nice head. nice face. nice legs. nice feet and mouth. nice eyes. nice dick, ass, hands, tongue, ears, uh, neck | |
| @lhommedauphin http://t.co/ek2ievfCBX | |
| ah, i can smell it,. its just about ready. *opens the oven up and pulls out a sshitty burnt up ritz cracker* my perfect boy's lunch | |
| if a sniper shot me i owuld run over to where he is and kick the gun out of his hand and kill him because hes not specialized in melee fight | |
| i wear the crown of thorns before every time i click submit . . . | |
| my wonderful beer men @BeerManJohn @BeerManSteve @BeerManCraig @BeerManMax @BeerManLeo @BeerManRick @BeerManTim @BeerManChris @BeerManDan | |
| @tyler_belisle a god damn beer and some salt water | |
| please enter the wooded area behind hardee`s when you are ready to be lectured about using corn cob holders by a fervently diapered imbecile | |
| i want to become a master plumber so i can make shit rain on my enemies | |
| huge amounts of vomitting hav.e, made me good at howling | |
| seems to me like im more and more the only person on this site who tweets wiht Integrity. | |
| seems to me.. sometimes... you just have to say speak the true things which remain unspoken. | |
| the "Seems To Me" collection by @Dril. Thank you for reading it | |
| @robdelaney i feel as thouggh ive been tasked by a greater power to keep the riffraff of twitter in line, through my gift of words | |
| hello unionized jackhammer fuckers. could you please go repair some other road?? im trying to suck my wife off | |
| SARGE: WAT IS YOUR MAJOR MALFUNCTION SOLIDER !!The Impervious Millennial: im Gay sir. I eat shit. BazingaSARGE: I... CANT... BREAK... HIOM | |
| please pray for the safety and health of my beautiful child, supreme leader kim jong-un | |
| please donate medicine to my boy son kim jong-un, who was assaulted by a fawn & became too sick to attend the royal korean spaghetti banquet | |
| RT @MrPosts: Ever felt so annoyed to the point where you just say fuck to everything ? | |
| FBI AGent: We have given u a new identity because of the death threats your bad posts get you. Youre Tim Crap nowMe (as Tim Crap now): Cool | |
| @onlinernet no. im tim crap | |
| fifty two year old mamn hides underneath a tarp at work and jacks off to the same cartoon characters he did when he was thirty years younger | |
| You Won't Believe How Many Legs That Spiders Have | |
| RT @mrfollowback: I will follow back | |
| i would really like to wipe this spilled chili off of me but all my towels are fucked up right now | |
| some children get really angry if you tell them that all nasa astronauts are cigarette smokers, but its true | |
| im going to urinate all m y damn cum out.. dont read this if youre Male | |
| i click online expecting praise from mny contemporaries. instead i get an ass pic on my monitor and i immediately start wheezing into my lap | |
| for my dedication to the brand. . ive decided to treat myself to an affordable vacation package in ssplendid, extraordinary "quicksand hell" | |
| (sees parking for electric vehicles, does the smug grin/shaking head thing) what's next? ? parking for circus clown cars? | |
| pleased to report my custom beer tap that makes a dramatic diarrhea noise while filling the glass is a hit with the boys at the fondue club | |
| **instnatly teleports 1000 years into the future where theres millions of new things to have good opinions about* HUUhhauih, .. Uh.. BLuahgh | |
| who wants t o read some extremely embarrassing opinions about how i believbe the @mtn_dew twitter account was taken over by a false dew fan | |
| @PuddingBasin @mtn_dew your satire . | |
| @gabrielroth engage my turds doofus | |
| HERE WE GO BOYS !!! http://t.co/Npd9Am9Js2 | |
| @CoolHandArash @gabrielroth that woul,d be the exact opposite of interesting | |
| @CoolHandArash @gabrielroth did you see the twteet about dog piss i just did. its good | |
| micheal_jackson_gets_horny_on_jeopardy.swf | |
| difficult 4 average joe like me to schedule some time to "Jack Off" arounf here; with all these tragic anniversaries fucking my calendar up | |
| @ryannichols7 thats the worst one!!! dont say it | |
| JAMES BOND: (Shoots his gun at the screen in the intro and murders me)ME: Now that;s cinema | |
| Auh.. Beer! Theres nothing LIKE it! 123 cups of scalding hot Beer on my office desk. Dont spill it now, it's good. | |
| its sunday morning which means u boys better either be in church or staying home because of another gynecomastia flare up like the poster me | |
| male model: washing my luxurious long hair is so boring. i wish my entire body was bald like youme: Now the healing can begin | |
| it is important to remember to empty the recycle bin on your desk top every once in a while if you delete a lot of files | |
| @surfbordt thank you | |
| @BevisSimpson everyone on here would rather give $20 to their idiotic gfs. its discusting | |
| night time falls. im "corie latin" now. a man of intrigue. i place a bird feather into my glass of scotch and i never do posts about my dick | |
| ass someone who owns BOTH next gen consoles, as a actual murderer with every halo displayed on my mantle, i've the final word of gamer gate, | |
| to truly under stand the #gamergate ... we must first ask ourselves.... "What.. Is.. Gamer..." **gazeing into the fire place* | |
| maybe sometimes both sides... are good and bad at the same time??? im sorry if im doing this wrong. it is difficult to write | |
| in conclousion, there's some action packed heavy hitter s in the world of games being released soon, and I hope you all buy them. Bye | |
| AH. ONCE AGAIN IM RAKED THRU THE COALS AND TORTURED TO DEATH FOR HAVING A NORMAL PERSONS OPINON. FUCK OFF | |
| @GenericJoey I have never not been real. Aspecially during the time of this crisis, the 9/11 of enthusiast game play. | |
| allow me to reiterate.. im on the side that is the least mad. whichever one that is right now. nobody knows whos more mad at this point. | |
| @HugeActman im sorry. its simply too long. game in piece my friend | |
| @Halowary @MrTrollham Ouh..!! Fascinating ! **Nodding a lot* | |
| all dressed up in my little tuxedo and ready to sacrifcie my self to isis | |
| @LeetahEveeSparx no. the murderers isis. this is a Topical one | |
| that three stooge thing where you run around in circles on the floor horizontally is actually a vital component of my yakuza training | |
| i envisioned last night an older, wiser austin powers engaging a group of young adults about the evils of sex. hollywood, the world is ready | |
| which film or work of art rujined my life the most. im going to have to say men and black 2. | |
| if any of you have any tips or tricks about how to make the queen ant shit ant honey into my mouth, email me at LongLegsGustin@bisquick.com | |
| convinced that about 98% of my followers and favs are all from one awful man who is taunting me becuase I spoke ill of orange julius in 2011 | |
| i tried to open a kissing booth where people spit in my Fucking face instead of kissing me but they eventually started refusing to pay m e | |
| @junestahls only if you are fine with being refused admittance into the kingdom of our lord | |
| a 38 year old man who is dressed like a school shooter is here too pick up his vitality supplements . | |
| girl or something: wtf did you jUst say. sounded like "xbone fail". did you just say"xbone fail" at me.me: (purple-faced refusal to answer) | |
| THIS IS AMERICAN AIR LINES. WE DROPPED YOUR SHITTY COWBOY BRA INTO THE OCEAN EN ROUTE TO ISRAEL. IT SHATTERED INTO 100000 SHARDS LIKE A PIG. | |
| rubbinb hand sanitizer all over my loud mouthed pet birds | |
| i can confirm that the candid photos on Darknet of me eating a breakfast wrap are real. and i will issue an apology for the trouble i caused | |
| sometimes bags of food say the true shit that were all afraid to http://t.co/Q9x0g2MrFF | |
| "Spike TV should put on a slideshow of your most celebrated posts, accompanied by a tasteful, easy listening soundtrack."well, This is true | |
| *enrolls in psychology major*finnally. this will give me the upper hand in dealing with trolls*fails all courses*college is fake actually | |
| (being trampled to death by panicking crowd) hah. look at these dumb fucks. they think im part of a floor. they dont even realize im a human | |
| i wish i had my baby teeth back. those were the good 90s teeth | |
| @respected_loner @duncepud the government cut off my balls too but they told me the president needed them | |
| @respected_loner @duncepud to live | |
| foflks i want to tell you all about icecold pepsi. its good to drink that & top it off with a crest whitestrip while jacking off in your car | |
| @zeroprospects Are u going to signal boost me or not. | |
| @radiometricx hitler also owned three beautiful cobra's | |
| Spipe tv | |
| pavlov thinks hes good just because he can make dogs drool with bells. mean while I can make dogs howl insanely just by taking my Ass out | |
| farm boss: yyoure so good at cleaning the pigs' ass holes. please let us pay youme: no. i won't allow my work to be corrupted by the dolar. | |
| @QU0RN_D0G isupport having my dick sucked and my ass kissed and my dick kissed and all the other metaphors for liking my posts | |
| @QU0RN_D0G my content is good actualy. please retwweet | |
| @QU0RN_D0G this is thge greatest post ever made | |
| you walked across the entire great wall?? well one time i pushed my dick into my body with my thumb, got scared about halfway in and stopped | |
| the president has never once been filmed taking a bath. he is presumably very filthy | |
| my great-grandfather died protecting his farm from a pack of coyotes. i died from overexerting myself in a money booth at blizzcon | |
| would like to know why my eBay account has been replaced by dead ladybugs. user name is "good_and_bad_days_haver_1963" | |
| @wwwdotyoutube i`m not at liberty, to discuss | |
| @hehu42 nnastyboy | |
| @jenorca thank you daugter | |
| im sorry for doing jokes about the blue checkmark. i need it very badly to protect myself from villains right now | |
| ive decided that nudity is acceptable if irt's done for artistic reasons, like, promoting a mattress store, | |
| haivng the xbox controller vibrate in my lap for 14 hours a day has rendered me sterile , low - t , and betagender | |
| remember not to die on halloween so you dont turn into w pumpkin | |
| proud to announce that after 30 years as a slave on my uncle's fishing vessel i no longer wish to fuck the post cereals honey-comb wanter | |
| @VlNESAUCE thats a fuckin dog | |
| [crying[ i just want to seay.. it takes a lot of courage for the cashiers to thank me for shopping at wal mart.. but it iw well appreciated, | |
| man wearing nothting but socks doing back flip kicks into his tv because there are too many batman shows | |
| Personality: Good friend for anyone, will help someone in need, not foul with language.Dislikes: People who ridiculize Lucario (I really ha | |
| i would like to remind our nation's youth to burn their mcdonald abd burger king cups after use so mobsters cant hide IEDs in them | |
| We Live IN A Country Where Football Players Are Given Helmets For Free But I Have To Buy A Helmet At The Store Because Im A Regular Person . | |
| @coffee_liz my mame is jonny goodposts | |
| @Brandon_Heath10 I personally make sure they are good beofre I submit them. | |
| Dear Applicant,We regret to inform you that Guinness no longer publishes the world record for "World's Tiniest Ass", because it was too sad | |
| establishment cocksuckers wiping their a$$es every time they shit, while the windbag toilet paper lobbyist crooks roll around in blood money | |
| @iAdam @Odd_Hack @neilkli i actually feel bad for you that you will be drowning in a jail cell full of thick brown piss in about 7 minutes | |
| i believe in " inject steroids into infants ". i believe in " WAsh your damn car ". i believe in " #PregnantHogGate ". i believe in " koopa" | |
| i don't believe in making beer in huge metal vats. they should make it in cups, for me to drink it out of, when I want to, | |
| i think it is good to vote, unless it is inconvenient, or boring to do so. then it might be very bad. i'm sorry for doing politics om here. | |
| "my posts are more..i think.. self aware than most other peoples posts. Im also nice to everybody" -dril, visionary Disruptor; while smoking | |
| as hte real life #AlexFromTarget, i'd like to thank you all for liking the picture of me,aand announce my support for president jeb bush2016 | |
| if u follow me. ..and ur display name is "bazinga man".. you had better FUCking be the real bazinga man before I unscrew youre head & SHIT D | |
| WHEN IT IS TIME FOR ME TO BE QUIET, I AM EASILY FOOLED BY THE FAKE RUBBER NIPPLE OF A PACIFIER. I THINK THAT IM GETTING MILK OUT OF THE DEAL | |
| (reading my latest death threat ) "from the desk of DigimonOtis..." this is bullshit. digimonotis has never owned a desk | |
| a cement truck pouring its load on a bare ass nude man lying face down while people sing happy birthday to him | |
| i was given a purple heart for being the fox executive who invented the 3d football robot & made homer stop showing his ass on the simpsons | |
| the last indie twitter acocunt. ..yeah thats me | |
| http://t.co/pScELll4O1 | |
| sttop sending me aprilfools. its not April | |
| Have u ever wanted to Kick someone's ass on here so bad but don't do it because you will die if youre exposed to clouds | |
| i;m now getting surgery to completely become a Brand. all bothersome human elements (ability to get mad, go to toilet, etc) will be, removed | |
| once i get the brand surgry i expect dairy queen to come crawling back. to give me back my job of saying "dariy queen rules" for $0.01 an hr | |
| they were goign to preserve my brain but they decided it would be a waste of a jar. they instead used the jar to store a massive piss sample | |
| i love ggetting hazed so i can gain access into this exclusive club of people who have been forced to eat dog shit | |
| @weird_drugs BLu8rehgh kiss my fuckin ass jack off Numbnuts prick | |
| the pinheads at the post office are all down there whooping it up with my good car mags instead of delivering them to my tent in the desret | |
| @obamacare69 i plan on going to do it. | |
| @obamacare69 its almost to good, i think | |
| sorry boys.. im goin A.W.O.L.. !!! Another Weekend On-Line | |
| to counter-act the terrible "ISIS", im starting my own group called "NICEis". what we do is give retweets & faves to the hopelessly decrepit | |
| open up thhis portable crapper citizen. im police and im on a crook search. stand down stand down | |
| the US army sent my police departmet 100000 hideous robot arms to rip off citizens' heads but heres the thing, we only need like 500 of them | |
| i want anonymous and police to join forces against the mayor and allow me to have a big pile of dirty towels rot the floorboards in my house | |
| THe,yre going to stop, making twinkies soon. Buy lots of ammo and leather | |
| @adamgyoung because im a pig in the zoo | |
| congress: it would be an honor to let you join Congressme: absolutely no. it'd be a disservice to my followers to join the bastard congress | |
| congress: youre so good at saying the truthful things in a handsome way. we need youme: Wheres bigfoot. Assholes | |
| @anecdoted Please Dont | |
| a good bad -ass thing would be a criminal who throws lots of hand grenades and kisses them each time. they could use this in agent of shield | |
| " big-ears bastard ruins another opera after being flung off the balcony by marines " | |
| @wolfpupy the grenades man doesn't believe in girlfriends | |
| me: let's just say if ur a child who suffocated in a plastic bag, my next rant might just rock your socks offbuzzfeed: Splendid. Phenomenal | |
| as this website's foremost broken human being, id like to annoucne that oysters make me mad now, for some reason | |
| ass ointment seeping through the top of my perilously tight jeans leaving unsightly horizontal stripes on the sofa #Supernatural200thEpisode | |
| in the nice days, the paper boy would hand deliver the newspaper to its subscriber. now he throws it at my dick and murders me every time | |
| i know how to get on all my favorite site`s. | |
| [transfer of pug_dog_Spectacularly_gored_by_bull.flv completed] oops. sorry. that's the wrong one. here[transferring lime.jpg] | |
| lime and pear is the same "Lime & Pear: Same Fruit" (they are the same) #LimeAndPearTheSame // Opinion: Limes are no different from pears | |
| @devinwzrd college boy . . . woop woop woop | |
| @LetsFunHans do not talk of this on here | |
| thw man who killed bin laden... angel or demon http://t.co/CutViWP85O | |
| doctor: you have a hoof growing in your brain. like a goat's hoof. its horrifying, unprecedented & fatalme: is it true they do 420 in hhere | |
| im going to jack off to the comet instead of the ass because im nice | |
| in response to allegations that i have beneficial forms of bacteria housed in my digestive tract: 1) Thayt's fucking disgusting 2) I don't | |
| @hambeef ºO•❤•.¸✿¸.•❤•.❀•.Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ Perfect Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ.•❀.•❤•.¸✿¸.•❤•Oº | |
| originally wanted to keep silent about the "elmer fudd's dick" issue, but BMXWalter's objectionable dickless fudd theory has forced my hand, | |
| mmy monitor flashed before me in dazzling light. for 1 brief moment, I saw every Celeb at once, the good 1s, the bad 1s, crying, jsut crying | |
| ((SPILLING BLOOD ALL OVER KEYBOARD) THIS IS WHAT U WANT. THIS IS WHAT U FUCKING BASTARDS WANT RIGHT(1 WEEK LATER)WHY ARE THE KEYS STICKING | |
| my t-shirts no longer have humorous slogans on them, their purpose now is to display pitiful appeals begging people not to piss on me | |
| its decided. tomorrow morning im going to speak with the priest after his sermon and ask him to perform the ritual that will turn me athist. | |
| things 90s boys remember: vision of themselves in the future being violently ripped apart by unknown energy. that board game thats in a mall | |
| in the latest effort to distance myself from "Whacky" ;, "Random" bull shit, i will be changing my name from VolleyballCraig to NormalCraig, | |
| there is so much rigamarole and legal B.S. involved around mnaking a comedy central roast of digimonotis that it's almost not even worth it | |
| someone needs to tell "TimOnline" that his username fucking sucks | |
| once agAin going "Ape" over controversial Classic rock opinions at the super market while my asain gf pushes me around in a shopping cart | |
| @dr_pizza_MD that's certainly a numnber | |
| something must be done about aall these kids on the playground claiming the goatse.cx lawyer is their uncle | |
| i nneed constant 24/7 stream of memes and jokes about coffee being good to prove to myself im not living in rthe Fucking matrix | |
| whats in my cup today? why its that old stand-by known as "beer" folks . thank you for reading it | |
| im starting a new feature on my feed called "Boy's Thought's" where I just riff on the things of day to day life and maybe some surprises to | |
| @Bro_Pair Q4 2016 | |
| @ohwowhi TTNR was sponsored by shitty ruby tuesday, which led ultimately to its downfall. Boy's Thought's is sponsored by salem cigarettes | |
| fbi agents are hiding theur guns in toilets so they can arrest you for shitting on government property. do not be fooled by this dirty trick | |
| RT @CDAVIDCIN: @NickyHilton THE EARTH GOT TWENTY YEARS LEFT.THEN DIES.THE HISTROY CHANNEL THE DEVIL S GRAVE YARD. | |
| my rig tower is full of shit parts because i spent all my money on a mouse pad with a screaming human face ionside of it | |
| in social media blunders: i post a pic of my new watch without realizing all of my credit card numbers and dick and prolapsed ass are visibl | |
| my garbage family is staging an intervention or something for me because i forgot what its called when people have a chin made out of hair | |
| id absolutely love to move to LA with my model g.friend & start my film career, but all my pre-orders at game stop would certainly be fucked | |
| alRight. no filter. i think that, igf you are a bird, and you get run over by a car, you absolutely need to get your god damn act together | |
| hidden camera prank doctor: we got your xrays back. Looks like your brain has been replaced by bugsme (oblivious): please let me g go home | |
| http://t.co/HgUz2f5JK4 | |
| every morning i pick up the local paper and read the latest condemnations about my rinky-dink, slipshod Ass & my child-like shoulder blades | |
| "big craps are good". never have is een such a foolhardy sentiment expressed on here. "Big craps are good". Absurd. The words make no sense | |
| im moving to israel, where the boys are nice, as soon as i get confirmation that they use the same kind of toilet paper that we use here | |
| ((sends yoyu an unsolicited 20 image sequence of me morphing into a neopet) i can take u... closer | |
| http://t.co/NxaME4QBT1 | |
| [kOaLa_Releasez_Prezentz]gilligans_island_theme(Tap_That_Ass_Mix_2007)by_DJ_arbys(Deceased)_uploaded_by_Vect0rman.mp3.zip | |
| im sorry to everyone who has ever wanted me to apologize to them for something, and im sorry for apologizing tio you if you didnt need me to | |
| slobber, by definition, can only come from a mouth. anyone claiming to slobber out of their ass is a liar and possibly a scammer | |
| all ladys need to shut off the god dam soap operas and put on the vids of me smoking a pipe that ive painted to look like a nascar | |
| cant wiat to see what devilish thanksgiving scenarios me and the boys of twitter can conjure up. "The turkey was taken by spiders? ? Whua??" | |
| all gags and assorted banter aside though I will in fact be shooting the thanksgiving turkey with a gun instead of eating it this year . | |
| NO I WILL NOT USE MY BRAND NEW 3D PRINTER TO PRINT OUT "A PICTURE OF RATS". PLEASE SUGGEST SOMETHING GOOD, LIKE CUSTOM MONOPOLY PIECES | |
| the essential, Male Ass | |
| if youre not a fellow big time social buzz blog appreciateor then spare me thhe wretched crap of the bullshit | |
| jeopardy should give the contestants guns and make them shoot the categories. i think that this would improve the image of the guns brand | |
| my big sons have made a mess of the garage again after being riled up by the good word of the Lord | |
| my friend nasdaq_oscar says they just let all the pardoned turkeys run around the white house and shit on the carpet. disgrace to the office | |
| my intense belief: you should not be eligible for the presidency of the United States until you are at least 89 years old | |
| http://t.co/P9ETc1dnCu | |
| thats one small Ass for a man,. one tiny jeans for man kind | |
| i just left an enormous pile of vomit behind golds gym for all of you abominable pig clowns to pick at #blackfridaydeals | |
| stare directly into the sun For Free #blackfridaydeals | |
| ijust had one Hell of a steak dinner. i wont post specifics regarding the dinner due to trolls but i would like to get this viral please., | |
| its not normal to get on here and post fake joke shit when the rockefellers, the carnegies , theyre all reading it. theyre scrutinizing it | |
| ive made an arrangement with the casino. im allowed to yell at the slot machines now, but only if i actually put money in them first | |
| christ.. ive done it again.. ive posted the absolute good truth shit that every1 has been waiting to hear in this sea of lying crap nonsense | |
| are you having a crap of me mate?? Are you, having a crap of me mate | |
| "Give me an App that will make me say, 'Wow'" "Apps will help us in our lives" "An App is always just a download away" some good app quotes | |
| threres a rumor master chief will take off his mask and reveal hes the btk killer.. do not do this.. it would be disrespectful to halo | |
| (cop inspecting his new body cam with huge pepperoni fingers) what the fuck is htis. where do i pack the ammo. is this a new type of grenade | |
| diseased hogs pissimg everywhere but the toilet. wads of hair covered in piss and smashed into the floor #SponsoredContent | |
| herees what I say to those who think im having a goof on here (presses button on wristwatch & tiny pair of shades launches onto face) im Not | |
| as the authority on being tge guru of tech, i think that, "searchs", are going to be an important part of web life, in the year 2015 | |
| again i've been asked to comment on the hidden ass in the new star wars trailer. it's time to put this cowardly rumor to rest. theres no ass | |
| ridiculous to believe that someone would risk the careers of themselves & their colleagues to put a secret ass in the trailer of a starwars. | |
| targeted advertiosng helps me connect with the Brands I Need http://t.co/1d8nITM0JN | |
| (chanting to self; walking around in public) dont get owned. dont get owned (body quickly separated into 500 pieces by metallic alien noise) | |
| hoagie prreserved in peat bog for 30 years - "It's Still Food" - "Oh it's nice" | |
| [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[please let Miley join the USMC]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]][[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[She will do good]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] | |
| SCOTT PETERSON: i unfollowed you in 2011 and your shit gets retweeted into my feed constantly. it sucksME: I apologize sir!! I've fucked up | |
| @Favstar_NSFW thank you favstar nsfw. | |
| the sheriff has ordered me to return the "Helpful Boy Award" i earned at age 8 after seeing me at the local swimming pool begging for towels | |
| CELEB: Love that Moolah babyME: Did u see that shit. Did u see that shit. He called it moolah instead of money. God damn! Only in hollywood | |
| i msay be woefully ignorant, but at least im good at justifying my existence with trite remarks | |
| me & the booys are riffing on 78 hours of stolen walgreens security cam footage. this guy on here just bought a toilet brush. bitch!! bitch! | |
| my ass cheeks have two giant finger nails | |
| hte shit people type at me "Yap yap yap" | |
| i feel a good balance of nice energy & rude energy cioming through the monitor at me, and i think i will stay online for about 3 more hours. | |
| it will be good for all of us when i shorten my name from "the ebay boy" to "eboy" | |
| im the dumb mother fucker who puts the ice in after the drink and calls the soda fountain a "bastard" when it splashes at me | |
| im the Dumb motherfucker who holds a 21 gun salute in honor of pizza huts old brand on the quake server & fails to get the boys to cooperate | |
| im the dumb mother fucker who has permanently fucked up abs from wearing a pair of suspenders backwards for three days straight | |
| im the dumb mother fucker who uses a dessert fork to cut up my spaghetti | |
| @nataliejmooney im 0 inch tall and its fine. | |
| im the dumb mother fucker who sucks on my computer monitro like one of those aquarium fish; to bond with ceelbs, brands, trends, what have u | |
| @_Hermit_Thrush_ @swimming_baby @nataliejmooney being 0 inch tall keeps the judgementle shallow people away so its fine. | |
| @boortzum @Coffinsyrup69 @swimming_baby @nataliejmooney I said its fine | |
| @_katvondemon nobodyd on here is capable of talking to me like a normal goddamn human because theyre pricks and dimwits with incest | |
| @bug_deal the sattire is lamentable and gross. theyre doing bad of it | |
| i can only save one http://t.co/5fXddCJ3eL | |
| @bug_deal im not trolling. Im talking normal | |
| ijust had to block like 3 people for using the word "gargle" as a noun | |
| @BAKKOOONN thats a good vehicle to be trapped in for eternity i think | |
| this. this fauil. fail this http://t.co/YDMowEL595 | |
| concerning my messages on here: typically pretty good id say. if theyre bad its because i have a life instead of thinking of crap to upload. | |
| i challenge us all to experience one another in a greater over all sense of adult maturity, in the year two thousand of fifteen, next year. | |
| @respected_loner Are u done? Have u made your point? Hm? | |
| Star wars is back baby . . . Confirmed by @Dril | |
| @fart I can confirm absolutely that filmmaker George Lucas is bringing our dear star wars back to us. | |
| @Paddy_Panic Fuck you | |
| @MichaelSteeber be Quiet | |
| @AbusiveProstate What the fuck. Who is this | |
| once agian the posts sent to me by screwball accounts have caused me to spit up and defile my big belt buckle which contains my son's ashes | |
| @jvnk_ messages like this; i dont even look at it. i dont look at it | |
| i put years of hard work into getting my torture degree at torture college & now everyones like "oh tortures bad","its ineffective" fuck off | |
| thank you inventor of bibs. every one else, off a cliff | |
| im an exhausting person to be around but once you get to knnow me im actually a giant shithead with irredeemable mouth | |
| FRONT: If u dont like the postsBACK: Get out of the kitchin | |
| paper towel ?? Huzzat ?? is it a paper or a towel. more to come | |
| makimg a Meme Quilt, where we send a quilt all over the world & each person adds a patch featuring their favorite online meme . a bit of fun | |
| well im sad to announce that the meme quilt project has been cancelled. someone has already jacked off on it instead of adding their patch | |
| Fuck off. Thats in poor of taste RT @SplendaCowboy GUess its The AIDS quilt now | |
| @SplendaCowboy Its not the aids quilt now. Its a regular quilt | |
| im going to close my account for uhhh 90 seconds until yyou fucking people learn how to engage content creators in a meaningful handsome way | |
| @VJ_Ostrowski Thank you. Im glad that youre one of the people on here with a real brain who understands this. | |
| mister one million dollars http://t.co/sAWxBXp7qK | |
| the dogs playing poker painting is ranom wacky bullshit, it is now considered not good by me, and i have made the decision to not look at it | |
| @adamsteinbaugh WuUoohoah thats so good. not. the colors are all wrong, and if you look up close the cards are all fucked up looking also. | |
| the usd dollar will explode into complete dust next year . pelase strongly consider growing an apple garden | |
| NET PERVERSION >>>>> BAD <<<<<< MURDER ^ NEW LIGHT BULBS | |
| @eroticdelivery who let this guy type under my post | |
| @pussyotoole blatant disrespect. no fav. | |
| @911VICTIM im going to pin you to the wall by th neck with my damn rifle | |
| yes,. i;m the guy who eats handfuls of salt to dry myself up so i never have to wipe my ass, and yes, there are several wars declared at me | |
| dear horseshoe crab,: you are neither of those things, and yyou look like a damn rat in a hat | |
| GIRL 1: only 25% of @dril's followers are female. lets get that to 100% by 2015 GIRL 2: I agree | |
| @vegetablefarmer i dont care about "get laid". i want my tweets to inspire girls to have dewep and meaningful relationships with me | |
| itunes.. what a mix-up. its like you gotta be a NASA astronaut just to work this thing | |
| the itunes program is so complicated its like you gotta have a degree from nasa just to play sweet home Alabama. | |
| itunes has more buttons & clickers than a space rocket, its like you got to be an astronaut from nasa to use it and not a normal man as I am | |
| some times I have a hard time playing my favorite songs on itunes, and I wish I had my astronaut's degree from nasa to help me play it !! | |
| folks let me tell you about the content platform known as "itunes". its so poorly conceived its even got nasas top men scratchin their heads | |
| ME: itunes, play some sinatraITUNES: Youre not authorized to operate itunes. Please insert NASA identificationME: what hath ,been wrought! | |
| i gotta tell you, itunes is running me ragged. i reckon it would require the expertise of a NASA astronaut to operate this infernal program. | |
| @BAKKOOONN funny you should ask. im actually having a lot of problems getting it to do just that. its like you got to join nasa to learn how | |
| heads up hotshot. gonna drop two fuckin cents on this fuckin itunes. yeah you gotta be a fuckin nasa astronaut to use this shit. yea alright | |
| (in perfect astronnaut voice) bleep bloop even I cant figure out how to use damn itunes and im from Nasa | |
| Let's cut the crap—regarding iTunes. Maybe it's just me, but it seems like you gotta be from NASA just to get half these features to work. | |
| #WorstDateIn5words a bunvch of blades arranged to spell out" 9/11". the worst date, in swords | |
| @DougLipson your snl | |
| #WorstDateIn5Words i tune | |
| RT @noka3831: @dril Follow @freshcooltwit &Ikut #UndianPSM berhadiah gadget.Cekprimasolusimedikal•com http://t.co/4g0YQqchsX *97 | |
| the numa numa man just bougt a $70million house and im here at the library trying to photocopy a fruit roll up | |
| @kwwrr @hambeef looks like lunch is for me today | |
| @daze_gaze @yerpalmildsauce every one in that convo is dumber than rats shit & my posts wer terrible long before it became popular to say so | |
| @daze_gaze @yerpalmildsauce Me to, and, cheers. | |
| i agree with all party `s involved http://t.co/04YXhaHcEL | |
| i destoryed my balls with uh, enhanced interrogation techniques sir | |
| change your godgdamn name clown @WayneHooter | |
| https://t.co/O9h3XolzpW this short online exchange between Karl and his friend wayne hooter might just,. chane your life | |
| http://t.co/uzrjG4AEBp | |
| please pray for my sons Thursten and Gorse who have just glued themselves to a curtain, | |
| sometimes i love to be able to want to be the man who is able to want to need to have his wants and needs able to be fulfilled sometimes | |
| upgrade my ass to a human's ass | |
| @_Hermit_Thrush_ i should not have to press 2 for a male ass. this is america | |
| Saying you want to put your dick in the keebler elf house is one of the fucked up things i will block U the mostly for . | |
| buddy youre ten pounds of shit in a ten pound bag, of shit | |
| @robdelaney this is superbly against all laws | |
| @Coregan i wont fuck off | |
| it ius abundantly clear that my entire online presence is like a big toilet shaped pinata that people bludgeon with sticks & take shits into | |
| i fucking love logging in and out of things at incredible speed | |
| absolutely read some of my god damn tweets while opening gifts with loved ones at the tree tomorrow & bring CULUTRE to this ass of a holiday | |
| i will not post on xmas day out of reverence for the lord christ. that is only. my opinion, and if youre going to kill me for it, thats fine | |
| tomorrow im going to fill up on bread befoore 10am and get waterboarded by my seven identical uncles | |
| thank you, http://t.co/XmuLGcjapP | |
| @sus_as_hell well, its very good that you did that, and i hope your family members consider giving me a follow even it made them mad | |
| may god help you if you trip your feet against my handsome bulk while i am sitting on the floor looking at Depression things on my tablet pc | |
| beginning tomorrow .. for #The12DaysOfContent... that's twelve days of top-shelf posts just in time for santa.. as a "Thank You" to the boys | |
| #The12DaysOfContent http://t.co/dSDMi9dVMJ | |
| @MilkBone milk bone is 666 | |
| Bog Off, Fuckazoid. Im Cramming Packets Beyond Digital Light Speed ,Injecting Pure Fire Into The Blogomedia SuperFrame For The God Damn Lord | |
| im like a mean old Rattler rwho types on the keyboard by repeatedly striking it with my poisonous mouth and teeth, and youre.. the dead guy, | |
| invoke my big ass with satan noises or go home | |
| @Brian__Leo i looked at the keyboard and there isnt one | |
| #ThreeWordsSheWantsToHear always Handsome gamer #ThreeWordsSheWantsToHear loud but Nice #ThreeWordsSheWantsToHear COrdial, and unafraid | |
| #The12DaysOfContent http://t.co/3ExzF1htlB | |
| yeah , just take this big metal trash can ive strapped to my dick off and just spray piss everywhere. just take it off. great idea fuck face | |
| (ccrying) its jst not good. nothing online is good. we will ne ver top 1999's "monicka lewinsky craping" vid from back when jokes were legal | |
| my follower count nosedives dramatically each time i do this but #The12DaysOfContent must continue http://t.co/QDAFXSrgok | |
| @scraeming suck it bigtime champ | |
| @dril my reasoning behind this content is that theres a large version of the mask and a tiny version of him as well. something for everybody | |
| Im sorry that the 12 days of content feature isnt as good as I planned it to be. I will try to to better of it, in the remaining days. -Dril | |
| know what. im not fucking sorry. the "12 days" project has been fairly solid thus far. as if the shit you people post is better?? get fucked | |
| and another thing: im not mad. please dont put in the newspaper that i got mad. | |
| @AnimeSandwich Yeauh, no. http://t.co/5gY6TS70to | |
| @JakeKomara the thursday nite rant is murdered by me for being a source of tyranny in my life | |
| @911VICTIM klout was supposed ot send me a bottle of spices but they didnt | |
| JAILBIRD: Whatre u in forCROOK: I headbutted an ambulanceJAILBIRD: Hm., Thats good. Well byeCROOK: Bye. Thank you | |
| after muchf bullshit, screaming arguments, i have finally procured the $80 usd necessary to begin development on the face book of gamer. | |
| #The12DaysOfContent #AmericanSniper http://t.co/jUMQiOrSEF | |
| theyre probably going to show my dick on cnn soon. hopefully on split screen with some dick expert from minnesota saying how normal it looks | |
| actually the barf bags on airplanes are for shitting in. they call them barf bags because thats gross to some people | |
| goign to new york disguised as the Mayor so when the cops turn their back on me i can jack off | |
| @dril https://t.co/uDVuHb7HU2 oops im owned ,fav thi s one instead | |
| (crawling out of rocks in dystopian future where all the good posts have already been made) uehh.. im the big.. denim.. sock loop(??).. man | |
| ah (sees the good low gas price while driving, spit takes hot coffee all over dick & the sharp, sudden stimulus causes me to ejaculate) okay | |
| what if the guy who jumped over the white house fence thought it was the gamer gate | |
| What if the guy who jumped over the white house fence thought it was the gamer gate. | |
| @STREETFlGHTERII im going to have to post it at least one more time so the late night crowd can see | |
| just keep on, pulling that old Chain #The12DaysOfContent http://t.co/TDA5oJZ6SD | |
| my 2015 new years resolutions is to go to hell less often, and raise $99 by selling stolen mulch to buy my account back from lockheed martin | |
| #The12DaysOfContent here comes baby new year . . . http://t.co/cq93CxEw8V | |
| #The12DaysOfContent im sorry again http://t.co/Odg5cl2lFa | |
| just call me george watchington. beucase im watching tons of nice shit appear on my computer screen | |
| im delighted to see that people are waking up to the fact that Masturbation is fraud, and turns all of the T in your body into germs | |
| @extranapkins you might as well flush your toilet down the toilet as well, if youre using it to flush money down | |
| shit head with hog DNA takes cardboard pennzoil display hostage | |
| you see; most of the piss were exposed to in our day-to-day lives is immediately diluted by toilet water. pure piss is a monster all its own | |
| searching for bastards . | |
| @TimHortons http://t.co/a5qj5LAM8s | |
| i pour my Blood into my tweets, and seeing all these random 4chan reddit Monkey Cheese tumblr teens get more favs than me is the great 9/11, | |
| i am the damn good boy who always gets his dinner egg http://t.co/Wn7RfLyb4h | |
| @AulisVaara your taking my post out of contexts, but yes | |
| #The12DaysOfContent somone tell me what day im on please because i lost count http://t.co/JzhsuCEi67 | |
| @BronzeHammer im losing hundreds of dollars per post but the economy will improve soon | |
| next year itll be the 3 days of content or something. i cant handle 12 whole days on top of stress & trouble brought to me by gimmick memers | |
| @roach700 i trust you roach 700 | |
| @imscum there is no meme i have not looked at. | |
| ME: when committing to a project like "the 12 days", you are forced to bear your soul to countless vicious cannibalsGQ: crhist. its true | |
| do not be afraid to talk to that lonely boy on the train ... with the rosy red cheeks, sun glasses & big cigar... he just mmight be... angel | |
| unbelievable. another muffler man statue had its big plastic jeans stolen late in the night, whjile i was busy having an alibi at my house | |
| #The12DaysOfContent making these is as torturous as every concentration camp combined, including hell, which god made http://t.co/d3j4RWAnYr | |
| im not cut out to be a content producer!! fuck thtis!! i want to go back to just looking at everyone else's content and nodding if its good | |
| @brendohare absolutely, and i wont get into heaven until everybody on this site unblocks me | |
| hipster.kiss my usa ass | |
| RT @lunchboy: Sometimes I like to get in my car and see where it takes me. Tonight it's @PeiWei | |
| #the12daysofcontent thank s http://t.co/rk8uiieT7P | |
| somebody please haul my ass to the ultimate breast worship championship's. i made the top 16 bracket and my car was impounded, due to lice | |
| i feel like getting shot would;nt be that bad if you knew how to properly "body spin " away from the bullet or slap it away with your hand | |
| @digitalsqand please be mature about this subject | |
| your video "stuart little: Why I dont buy it" has been removed due to hate speech against islam and pepsi | |
| #The12DaysOfContent theyre back boys. the good posts i used to make when iw as an Indie account. the Classics series, http://t.co/7UWkZAnEu9 | |
| RT @AssGamer: NÃOGOSTADEMIM---——-/´¯/)——--(\¯`\———/—//———--\\—\——--/—//————-\\—\—-/´¯/—/´¯\———/¯`\—\¯`\-/-/--/—/—/-|_—-_|-\---\—\—\-\ - | |
| and i find it kind of funnyi find it kind of sadthe dreams in which im Beavisare the best ive ever had | |
| proudly announcing to the barber shop that i got through my entire haircut without screaming or touching my dick underneath the smock | |
| @steveyknight at least 1 ,000 | |
| eat shit , jc penney skeptics http://t.co/q4CYFS3az8 | |
| heed my words ,cyberfilth, i may bvery well be a thirty eight yr old kindergartner, but im fairly average when it comes to eating female ass | |
| watch the first 45 minutes of the film, read the entire beeteljuice manga, then watch the rest of the film, or fucko ff | |
| (struggling))ok i figured it out: all opinions are good, except for the opinions that say other peoples opinions are bad, because thats rude | |
| that last psot was damn good enough to count as the 12th day of content if i say so my self. #The12DaysOfContent | |
| @H0L0C4U5T my opinion is good because im nice | |
| @hoverbird @DigimonOtis i dont like him | |
| does anyone else think that @DigimonOtis has been going downhill lately.? wouldnt be surprised if he sold his account to some reddit guy. | |
| me: nobody has to get owned today. please, please put down the keyboard and step back9 year old child: Fuck oyu | |
| @hoverbird no. do not give him a hash tag. dont you dare do this to me | |
| im the guy in the incognito browser icon who jacks off wearing a trenchcoat and sunglasses | |
| @justin_m_martin this is bunk. this is low | |
| seems to me. like, well, these days, people are more interested in Instagram , than telegrams, which are better because theyre the first one | |
| REAL REAL REAL "The @Dril Drafts Folder: See it BEFORE he says it" take a L@@k #ForbiddenContent http://t.co/jFkkmhUluk | |
| if you have a problem with my mouth, i'll be swniging a sledgehammer in circles outdoors for the rest of my life, so come try do crap to me. | |
| i have proof that my care taker has been tricking me into eating delicious home cooked meals by hiding them in wads of peanut butter | |
| not ashame.d of my posts. my messages help people | |
| did we end sars yet. good job every one, if we did | |
| @respected_loner you forgot the worst disease of all which is. star bucks. fucked up , but brutally truthful | |
| @ConorTripler crap off wise guy | |
| @dethgrpz " dont forget to fav and retweet . always always " | |
| @NeutronDre waiting for the ma mas out there to put all the little trolls to bed so i can post controversial material without repercussion | |
| @BrooklynJuggler i do actually this | |
| looking at Mars Bar | |
| folks it's me, the guy who said that hit & run drivers are actually good on a blog once. anyway I want to get on CNN again so please retweet | |
| isis man: please! you gotta follow back! you just gotta!me: no can do my man. i respect your right to be in isis, but I can not follow you. | |
| in honorable protest, i will abuse my ass cheeks with radio waves until the Olympics forces all of the swimmers to wear shirts | |
| top me off, beer man. here's to bottoms up **gets kicked out of the fucking establishment for putting my dirty coat on the bar* | |
| pour teeth into my ass #SpyMovie | |
| some one help me put hundreds of human teeth into my ass hole #bonnaroo2015 | |
| i mostly just need help getting the teeth. i can handle pouring them into my ass by myself #ParksPremiere | |
| @Deck_Plate be very nice | |
| WOw. Sorry. Like i give a shit. Wiseguys on here | |
| @pokthepenguin i would love to speak out against jokes twitter.. but im afriad.. i dont have the strenght... | |
| @IndianaPopovich @jzxpl no. this is just a nice thing for me | |
| @iainyoungfans the jail part | |
| @tjdru @IndianaPopovich @jzxpl thank you for putting these kind thoughts underneath my flawless posts | |
| im sorry for getting bonnaroo 2015 cancelled b/c i used the hashtag to ask ppl to put teeth in my ass. but im Not sorry for defeating trolls | |
| jack`s off to the super bowl for business, jack`s off to the bitter beer face commercials for pleasure | |
| @stephenhebs thank ytou for the Fav | |
| id love to be 1 of those purple espn guys who puts boulders on descending columns but id probly get all sorts of penut gallery comments here | |
| @PriscillaLajza warm pics every day | |
| @NancyGraceHLN my 2 year old son is drawing swastikas everywhere after seeing a toddler smoke weed on your show. thanks #Irresponsible | |
| truthfully, i do believe that, now thatm the gas prices are low, i think that theres going to be a lot less BULL S#!T on the commute !! | |
| im pretty sure the neightbors can hear my keyboard clicking at 4am and thats why they throw chemicals at me | |
| someone please verify rumor that petsmart is turning all animals loose (lizards snakes rats dogs) because of the scoundrel obama care | |
| get the fuck out tof there!! get the fuck out of there you god damn idiot!! asshole!! i need that oil!! i need oil!! http://t.co/EafCpVBEY9 | |
| wow theyrre releasing more of these already http://t.co/m8INRDahRZ | |
| @neonwario go ahead and have your precious "laugh". just know that little guiy has saved my life countless times | |
| everyones always using selfie sticks these days instead of attending lectures about string theory and shit and im so mad i could crank off | |
| *steps up to mic; booed immediately* geico commericals are tthis generation's pink floyd **boos get louder** can anyone help me find my car | |
| @shaneleavitt good, you cant see this then http://t.co/0dmbdjdtKq | |
| people enjoying a meal outdoors., disgusting. horrible. inadvisable | |
| 5 bucks will get you 1 minue access to the "Peck cam" where you can watch all sorts of wild birds peck me while i force myself not to resist | |
| 4k tech will enable the viewer to see my dick hole fully accentuated through my jeans as the media hunts me down in a carrabba`s parking lot | |
| the american sniper murders 8 people with one bullet 2000miles away from a beach chair in hawaii, winks at the camera and says "Its A Livin" | |
| @m2qm1g yeah im one | |
| pplease remember to turn your location on so the buffoons on this web site can have an easier time finding you, for whatever horrible reason | |
| another stir-up at the office when relatably handsome professional refuses to remove sticker from khakis that says "my other pants is jeans" | |
| YES !! YES ! PULLOVER http://t.co/GIiYo3sj6e | |
| please help me to obtain my fair share of royalties from the video " caterwauling jack ass shot with cannon '", which is now viral with hits | |
| i just talked to all of my celeb friends on this site and they told me that the blue checkmark is good to have. personally, i believe them., | |
| @colin_labk i would have to say that, given the option, id take the blue check mark. i would sacrifice my indie status for that privilege | |
| @steveyknight i say that, let the MOds decide. i trust their decision and i will not attempt to sway them one way or the other. | |
| im the guy who is famous at the hospital because i had to have two catheters put in since i piss so much | |
| the News;- death cured; immortality real-on-line ghoul given plaque; recognized as "loudest human alive"- bird infiltrates macaroni grill | |
| watching stimpy slide up the fireman pole traumatized me and made me want to become a united state marines | |
| some times.. i need my coffee fix so bad.. i gotta grab TWO mugs!! Im the mockery of all my co-workers and i fucking suck | |
| @darsh5001 watching simpy slide up the fireman pole | |
| @AspieThud i feel obligated to inform you i have a normal looking man's face, and i only have one of them | |
| @collatingbones2 dont its important | |
| U would be superbly fucking remiss to not click on my link of top 10 reasons that Vuvuzela s are The Dog's bollocks | |
| im sorry for claiming i was going to "flip the script" on dry rub barbeque. that was wildly irresponsible of me | |
| enjoying a conversation with my friend elan musk,. http://t.co/akZ410Dn3C | |
| elon: the tesla milker will run by taking ordinary chemtrails out of the air and tuirning them into, milkme: wow. Tastes great. Ha ha ha | |
| Thank you for your time, Elon. I know youre very busy but I appreciate you coming onto my feed. http://t.co/ux4RXhgDsy | |
| @Helixase @trellar its me | |
| @Helixase @trellar sorry | |
| nuke obtained by renegade AssFreak | |
| wiping out an entire archaeological site by drifting in my 1500-ton big rig truck with "piss up my ass bitch boy" on the side in neon lights | |
| RT @kevincosner: Hoammm,so sleepy | |
| RT @JohnTravolda: follow for upcomming movies updates | |
| im somewhat a bit of an expert on *looks around cautiously* girls, as i have convinced many of them to beat the shit out of me on craig list | |
| congress passes law to make every character in every show go to jail on the final episode like in seinfeld | |
| @BAKKOOONN teen gradius please | |
| hey now, its super bowl http://t.co/yPbH9B8akK | |
| Thank you to all USERs who have engaged my web space regarding Super Bowl. You have increased the Social Power of myself and the NFL forever | |
| @DuncanIdunno the dunkin donuts era | |
| Shut the fuck up abuot Greece | |
| @pimetarado @nikki_walker413 this guy knows the shit | |
| @tetradugenica Never | |
| looking to spice up my marriage with pg13 comedies about camping | |
| me when theres not enoujgh fuckin coffee or beer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! http://t.co/yiPkkqO1rl | |
| @whatitdoux me when i get fuckin unfollowed on this site !!!!!!!!! http://t.co/9JJWccFdXU | |
| Clown Disregarder | |
| shocking wiki leak #WikiLeaks #ObamaChewingGum http://t.co/dxM6K316S2 | |
| @BenCravery im not allowed to comment on anything without the poermission of Conde Nast and Barqs Root Beer | |
| hakuna mycoffee. .. #Understandable http://t.co/ORl5m3zi50 | |
| Comments off until the children go to bed. | |
| @dril isaid comments off mother fucker and i mean it! | |
| my ass is out again,. this time at the opera house. "no wifi!! turn on the wifi!!" i yell from the balcony. im trying to shit but i cant | |
| @_Hermit_Thrush_ i thougt this quote you've selected was pretty self explanatory, and perhaps the least objectionable aspect of the tweet; | |
| @_Hermit_Thrush_ my ass is out?? out of where? i cant shit? or i wont shit? was i psosibly referring to the mezzanine instead of the balcony | |
| @_Hermit_Thrush_ on another note,. why undersell the establishment as an "opera house" when it could certainly be used to host all manner | |
| @_Hermit_Thrush_ of performances, including b ut not limited to tragedies, comedies, recitals, speeches, and concerts? it's also naive to | |
| @_Hermit_Thrush_ assume in this scenario that i have lungs,. and am able to breathe the oxygen required to yell at the actors about wi-fi | |
| @_Hermit_Thrush_ but i suppose people could indeed misconstrue that one quote unironically. ill consider that when composing my next piece | |
| Ha ha ha its me. It's me. Yeah, good jok.e. No http://t.co/DOAzn9hPys | |
| ap,. http://t.co/BEbnsYQIxE | |
| @nataliejmooney @GwynethPaltrow one thumb up. good | |
| another Twisted observation—Where the fuck does cinnamon come from. it just appears on food sometimes. Do people buy it at the store or what | |
| big pharma. if youre reading this i have an idea for a pill that makes you tinier so you can fit into secret zones. i will let you invent it | |
| like i always say; sewage is just shit in a pipe | |
| appreciating every post online is akin to acquainting oneself w/ each earthly grain of sand..and i absolutely intend to do both these things | |
| ISSUE: is the road runner wile e coyote's sonFOR: thhey, seem to respect each other, on some levelAGAINST: one of them is a dog | |
| @HairySkeletor @Mike_Bianchi @_Hermit_Thrush_ eat shit mother fucker!!! **throwing massive amounts of cash* art is dead bjtch!!! art is dead | |
| to my hawaiian pen pal from like 4th grade; sorry for sending you a pinecone. if someone sent me a pine cone in the mail i'd beat their ass | |
| just enjoying a noticable uptick in Favs and Followeres ever since my sworn enemy, Osama bin Laden, was brutally murdered in his rumpus room | |
| glue man here, poking in to this site. big glue guy. just seeking atlanta house wife, miss Right Lady, to Glue me, to the glue | |
| @tsayvs bite my shiny metal | |
| in talks with twitter execs to make my account unblockable, and also Worse | |
| seems like nowadays are more like nowadays than they were thenadays and thenadays were less like nowadays than they were thenadays, nowadays | |
| DICK DOCTOR: have you been using protectionME: yes. i put an entire towel in my ass | |
| aggressively joyless oaf hhere. painfully obnoxious respect demander checkign in. extremely dim witted frowning man looking for pals | |
| the professional youtube reaction man who pays me $3 an hour to scrawl his account name on the walls of womens toilets just died of cholera | |
| @cide_o twittetr should recommend. a bath | |
| RT @onsenn: incest bowl http://t.co/SKFbRHG0 | |
| sex worship i;s a mental condition that is worse than liking the super bowl | |
| looking to get on some rowdy boys bad sides tonight mother fucker. | |
| @jrindyk Fuck to hell | |
| @fart get the hell to crap | |
| @jrindyk your looking at 9.11 | |
| @respected_loner the reason people cant come together and post compliments about each others posts is because theyre scum, just 0% of value | |
| im NOT going to live tweet the damn super ball game, and im NOT going to respond to any DMs asking why. i care about the integrity of Feeds | |
| @rigamarock @respected_loner only a post has the power to make you laugh.. or cry.. or even smile. thats the official quote of me | |
| @Plankfan thats the worst bowl. the dogs shit everywhere and the referee makes like its a joke. its not a joke its disgusting. | |
| TIME: Why arent you live tweeting the big game. WhyME: id never forgive myself if i killed someone by pushing vital info off of their feed. | |
| RT @depressingman: @McDonalds #AmexMcDs. | |
| on March 14th 2011, user "AIDS_Wanter" maliciously paraphrased my alt-luit witticism regarding birdseed which turns into birds, when planted | |
| @69tane you got it, from the mirror | |
| football?? Pfuh. while you sweathogs are pounding off to grievous injury porn i'll be experiencing life at the car wash, with shorter lines | |
| my style https://t.co/nt8AqSAFoA | |
| ill come on to the computer when i damn like to, and ill post what i damn want to, and thats the facts of it | |
| cyber bullied at k mart | |
| becoming a meme after confessing that i left my gf at a 5 star restaurant to spray my dick with compressed air taught me the pain of Slavery | |
| like this if youre one of the 3% of teens who remembers when music was just guys saying "my name is kid rock" over and over | |
| thte content man fails once again, and walks home to get trash talked by his 34-year old son who refuses to eat anything without ketchup | |
| favorite crood haver , online now | |
| (in highly rational and cool voice) i have the higher follower count than them. i wiont let them undermine me | |
| for my money.. nothin hits the spot quite like Food, or Drink | |
| the secret fruit that oprah eat`s to become more psychic can now be ordered "ONLINE" | |
| @respected_loner i get the ref. please retweet me getting the ref | |
| im still noob after all these years, after 20 years of the computer im still noob, unbelievable | |
| @rad_milk disloyal. beasts | |
| i just hacked into the church and made god REal | |
| marked for death after lays used my idea for steroid flavored potato chip and put my god damn name and location on the bag | |
| I'll nmever click on anything. Never | |
| ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^<<<<< The Web Site Of Rat People >>>>>> VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV | |
| dr phil disciplines 2 year old toddler demon hog with cow boy boots live on crackle | |
| # i will never bring dishonuor to the web by lowering my self to the point of placating the lowest common denominator witht "Joke" or "Gags" | |
| Q: Dear @Dril, friend to all online. Do Good people die?A: Good people absolutely do not die, and you have bveen blocked for asking me this | |
| pass the savings onto me mother fucker | |
| shocking: "racism is the light of my soul. racism is the air that i breathe, and racism is what i like." -RacismMario @cnn @msnbc @foxnews | |
| sometimes i think thnings would be easier if i would just bite the bullet and relinquish my real name for my meme name, "epic Couch Bitch" | |
| if youre looking for good movies about grease, do not watch the nmovie "grease", because you will get swindled | |
| catching a ton of flak for my "how to fuck a Cadbury egg" web log series. sorry dim wits. your dick needs to be really small for it to work | |
| im probably going to post more messages on here soon so please don't unfollow me | |
| apparel, http://t.co/eqWudCeNX1 | |
| my critics say that my unconventional ass wiping techniques are no good. that i am seriously wounding my ass. that my ass is dirty. bastards | |
| im the good man whorespects his followers, i respect the artistriy of tweeting and i respect my girl followers also. nuff said dip shit | |
| @coolgothsweater I'll Never will | |
| @_Hermit_Thrush_ @DryDickRando takle it to dm.. this thread,. this thread where i declare my respect for girls, is a hallowed ground | |
| JUDGE: i'll commute 10 yrs from ur sentence if you kiss my gavelME: no. i will do the time i deserve and thats the truth and also nuff said | |
| may the wind carry my tweets and soothte the sick, the wounded, the downtrodden of both man & beast, across the savage shit earth of trolls, | |
| please dont make whimsy of the popes ass while I am on-feed. ive more inportant things to do than indulge myself in hearsay of the popes ass | |
| my godfather died of urine poisoning while cleaning out a mcdonalds playplace tube and that's why drama makes me upset | |
| @Babysnames idont know who the face book guy is. hes fake and has no respect for Content | |
| im a journelist now. gi;ve me free monster engery or ill Eviscerate you | |
| doctor: i can say with absolute certainty that if you do one more weird trick youll dieme: CAPTAIN TIGER's Miracle Corn. LOok it up bastard | |
| hoping for that big promotion from mounted, tormented beast to rodeo clown | |
| fellas. do n't forget to do something special for that lady in your life on valentine's day! none of you deserve love http://t.co/AqlOp59emz | |
| @shrekpissslave @kanye i just think of them, and then, i post them. it's insanely bad ass | |
| as a Parent.. the thought of somebody attacking my sons with some sort of weapon, is just not good to me | |
| question my alligence to the dod damn twitter website and get swiftly block buttoned to childish hell, nincompoopts | |
| ready to help all cops . http://t.co/MH6vcCqH5h | |
| my good new plan is to aquire a storefront, name it "please dont come in here" and jack off inside of it, alone, until i run out of money | |
| i accept all your apologies you sad mother fuckers. YOu all have a lot of work to do when it comes to critiquing my meme style. Foul animals | |
| Ghuph,.Being called a "Bastard" on here by someone with a sexually explicit avatar is the bigguest laugh ive had on this website since 2014. | |
| if any of oyu crude boys want to come after me *room lights up revealing collection of r/c helicopters behind my outspread arms* be my guest | |
| requesting hand critiques. please be honest , but fair http://t.co/3vecQz6R6q | |
| @SlightlyBirds theyre not relevant . | |
| 1) My finger nails are clean 2) Sorry that i fucking use my hands to work for a living & dont care about finger nails3) Peastebin incoming | |
| @brendlewhat an uncharacteristically cruel accusation, brandle . | |
| man encased in lethal amounts of body oil and skin bronzer preserved for thousands of year.s.. beautiful | |
| @shrekpissslave I dont recall authorizing this #ff . | |
| sand blast my damn ass or go to pig piss cop hell | |
| if i ever accidentally posted something relatable or good enough to trick you into following this account, i truly apologize. im crying also | |
| Politic's is back baby. It's good again. Awoouu (wolf Howl) | |
| everyone cuts their arms and legs off in the future because all you have to do is say "computer fetch me my Posts" and itll do it | |
| every one always says they would use x-ray goggles to look at womens asses and get horny and wild. Not me. I would use them to help doctors | |
| youve heard of the trail of tears, well, if the boys in the white house had their way it would be the trail of taxes, and we;d get the shaft | |
| took some pics of my new satellite dish, but im not posting them until hatred annd cynicism are eradicated | |
| tried to make an fps in the 90s but i only got as far as naming the difficulty levels "YA MOMMAS BOY", "PUKE" and "TURN THE GAME OFF DIPSHIT | |
| laying in the car, hiding firom my malicious Wife because im in trouble for buying too many toothpicks to fit into the tooth pick holder | |
| A Man's Sense of integirty. http://t.co/FXRYPFVnMG | |
| Duty And Honor http://t.co/PCizXLGG9N | |
| .,. <<<<< THATS MY DICL #Oscars2015 | |
| my son got on my tablet and posted something truly unworthy of the institution of oscars but i wont delete it because theyre his first words | |
| @davidsexton94 Enormous | |
| oscars for exrtraordinarily subversive, insightful, online textual Musings?? unsoiled by MOneymen?? Thats what my shit particularly would be | |
| i was uninvited from the oscars for trying to sell "oscars brand bear bile" to everyone who stopped their car for me while i fake hitchhiked | |
| @Harrawesome whocares. theyre both fake. everything on this fucking web site is fake | |
| and the final word i leave all of you pitiful cowards upon this sinful night is "Truth".. hold it clos.e.. use it.. thank you | |
| @greggturkington glad to see james, friend to cinema, returning to us at long last. thank you | |
| if you go to a nascar rally carrying a clipboard and wearing a hard hat people will just let you go on the track and kiss all the good cars | |
| @robdelaney my life motto is simply the words "james bond" | |
| sylvestetr the cat: sufferin succotash! Terry Schiavo was murdered | |
| they should rename twitter .com "the dignity website", because i swell with pride when i think of the 200,000+ things ive posted on here | |
| "I love the name of honor, more than I fear death." -me to my boss after he found a picture of me with a big shit stain on my sweatpants | |
| "dinner portions.. for lunch? Absolutely. Absolutely." -TheTexMexBoy | |
| "You don't know Jack, unless you know Pepper Jack ." - TheTexMexBoy | |
| "If it doesn't have that ZING , it ain't Tex-Mex." - TheTexMexBoy | |
| @birdbrain1989 Wow u really are a bird brain. | |
| mn http://t.co/HkVui2Qpao | |
| It didnt work. Leave it | |
| I shoudl. Just bring back the fucking TexMexBoy shit. Thats all im good for | |
| @dogboner No | |
| hell no i wont wear a sleeping cap. what the fuck is that shit. how does a hat help you go to sleep. looks like, a Fools hat. | |
| Retweets Against Adam Lanza | |
| Eatinh a 26 dollar hoagie. | |
| ISIS MAN: It's Jim from Montana... He says ISIS should "Cool it" and that we're "Crooks"ISIS CHIEF: Damn. Were finished. Dismantle the nuke | |
| ME: Sorry. i must turn down your offer to join the Mafia, as itd disappoint my friends on twitterTHE MAFIA:The Mafia respects your decision | |
| the dress Color? (grins Intelligently at the hell about to be unleashed upon naive content consumers) its brown, because i wipe my ass of it | |
| CollegeHater: Ur arms aren't getting enough sunlightCollegeHater: Did u use the cream I sent uCollegeHater: Ur dead. At the flagpole. 3pm | |
| RT @TravisMcKenrick: @dril LMAO!!!! | |
| vvvvvvv U see that shit?? That`s what we call in the business "Another satisfied custoumer". Locked down. | |
| THIngs other people like: being bastards, being Uniformly tastelessTHINGS I Like: Being reasonably kind, and trying to help, when i can | |
| the twilight zone episode where the guy blocks everyone on twitter and becomes startled and bewildered when no one is left to give him favs, | |
| cmon peopl now smile on your gamers everuybody get together try to do good with your Gamers right now | |
| please remember that im in charge of this website before you try to drag some toughguy shit all over my good page | |
| justl had to unfollow about six people for tweeting during the official Beggin Strips Moment of Silent Reflection | |
| my friends, theres nothing i enojy more than a capsule of beer , while tasting beer with other 18-34 year olds, at the beer store | |
| i was once known on youtube as Epic "PLease stop recording me" Man., now im top influencer Gary Faves, making $500 a year posting from home | |
| basicly a sniper rifle that can switch gears and turn into a baseball bat if the situaiton demands it. an armymans ultimate tool | |
| Here http://t.co/GoG1naHYtF | |
| im the guy who asked the baten kaitos forum if i should bring a condom to hooters | |
| #ThingsIWontApologizeFor eating dog shit out of the toilet like a low down snake in the grass | |
| Biber done it http://t.co/BoroyIDfN9 | |
| @MattLandsman @StarburnsInd Biber done it. | |
| RT @hanging_Chad: Home Depot cust serv line...URGH | |
| back in the nice days, youd go to th e barbershop and theyd serve you a full seven course meal during your haircut. not like today my friend | |
| aand barbers had such good names then too,. like "Floyd " or "Erasmus". now they have bad names like "bozo the clown" and "nazi" | |
| then they donate the hair to corrupt criminal organizations isntead of mixing it w/ rotten fruit & feeding it to the dogs, as wa s customary | |
| let's leave politics in the hog pen and debate the real shit, like which 90yr old restaurant owner invented the original chicken cheesesteak | |
| need 800 more dollars to keep the unofficial "$h*! My Dad Says" tv show wiki up and running for another month, yiou fucking worthless toads, | |
| please follow my dril page | |
| @DopeMomJeans put the damn coat on!! it's really comin down out there. Thank you for this opportunity. | |
| christ... just suddenlty hit with the realization that what im doing here is truly important. . thst behind each "Impression".. is a smile.. | |
| the cold damn truth of it is that all of your dads have probably owned slaves at some point. im sorry but that is just simply the true shit. | |
| when your feeding trough is clear of Debris.. that is the shit i like to happen | |
| you know what. im going to just come out and say it. i think that we should let the geico geckco go into hospitals & entertain the bedridden | |
| the bastard of downloads | |
| Gotta See This: tenets & facets of sears tyrannical mattress return policy ridiculed Skeptically by man with more than enough to eat at home | |
| When and Rome... http://t.co/YBxppRfCMH | |
| sign em off log em outlog em out sign em offsign em off log em out Raw Hide (whip noise,) | |
| I.m taking a break from people who think it is good to make a fool of me for drama purposes. Basically dont look at my page until im not mad | |
| Mountan Dew Cold Red check it out | |
| "There is something to be said for being able to bring that Wow factor., into mediums that make use of Social. Mm. Just incredible" - @ Dril | |
| the jduge orders me to take off my anonymous v mask & im wearing the joker makeup underneath it. everyone in the courtroom groans at my shit | |
| please hire me as an actor if any of you are filming a movie or somr shit. my forte is making extremely comical faces while being strangled | |
| judge dredd kicks the doors of the wtc mosque wide open and says "Well this looks like a big bunch of crap to me " | |
| huckleberry hound... talk about someone who needsto get his act together, pronto | |
| i highly suggest using hash tag #HuckleGate if you're a Journo who wants to print my tougjh but fair opinions regarding huckle berry hound | |
| do the " Macarana "? Ha. No thanks | |
| tokyo of nippon. the big apple. it is here i will forge my destiny selling printouts of my most Fucked Up posts. i sip off my beer cup & nod | |
| @respected_loner dplease promise me you will respect statues from now on | |
| my 35 year old son is howling because he clogged the toilet without using any toilet paper again. the neighborhood despises my howling boy | |
| the other son wipes his ass too much. goes thrugh absurd amounts of tissue & has effectively thrown any respect for my household to the Dogs | |
| the 1st rule of my twiter account is read my posts with an open mind,. the 2nd rule is the fight club rules. the 3rd rule is simply Have Fun | |
| phenomenal http://t.co/OcgIteRKEL | |
| @JoshThorne if your going to come on to here and PigeonHole the facts & embarrass your self you can go fuck off until you learn actual truth | |
| @JoshThorne Guh? my father owned slaves and was extremely poor. stop portending false nomenclature | |
| @JoshThorne Puh?! you're dangerously close to mmy blocker's list pal | |
| @JoshThorne it is a shameful aspect of our family's past and im not afraid to confess and atone for it by posting messages about it online | |
| its true. my father owned slaves in the 1980s but he has since apologized & been forgiven with love and support. he's a nice man now. | |
| @Regal_Seagull triscuit. beggin strips. and who can forget hamburger helper. | |
| http://t.co/MiiFexb5VC | |
| hu... now im a man who likes his garlic butter.. let me tell you. in fact, im prone to saying that regular butter needs to step it up a tad, | |
| fuckin online fuckin idiots | |
| humbly Genuflecting myself before my girl followers, at the end of another red-letter sunday night on the comptuer | |
| concerned about people posting false lunches. lying about the food they ate on here. fraud meals. please start putting the receipts up | |
| Why am i smilin tonight fellas? Just got my hands on that new good treat to sip known only as simply "Bber". | |
| @Jaxon_Dillinger Yeah | |
| @fart a lot of stores are selling them now | |
| @palsux @fart Look everyone. Im replying to this one too | |
| http://t.co/f5cQXmKS7Q | |
| all young men Must be fitted for a good Italian suit, ideally by age 4. i will not fucking apologize or back down from this | |
| bbeing passively aggressively retweet trolled by half wits & their beautiful girl friends just makesme say "Not before ive had damn coffee." | |
| pplease let me join mensa. my IQ is essentially, zero, but i have very good, clean hands | |
| nothing like pouring a fresh bag of kitty litter down the ass crack after another liberating diarrhea shit | |
| im a pleased as punch spoon-fed bitch and thats a bottom line | |
| about 90% sure i just saw a dog tossing garbage out of the back seat of someone's car | |
| im he nice man.. who celebrates all the saints who DOnt have holidays... and not just 1 day a year.. #Bless | |
| you see this..? *taps computer monitor with finger* this is not just a bunch of mixed up numbers and digits. this is a kingdom of Minds.. | |
| 3 reasons to join the jackinf off without a condom movement:1) Its good2) Its free to join it3) You dont need a condom to jack off | |
| once again i will take the path of honor, i will pledge NOT to watch the steve harvey fleshlight vid, no matter how good everyone says it is | |
| the steve harvey fleshlight vid now officially has more views than the critically acclaimed masterwork "Boyhood". we can do better people | |
| @kcfrodahl i should hope that people do not search "steve harvey fleshlight" after my repeated callings for the boycott of this video | |
| at around 36:29 in the steve harvey fleshlight vid you can see a single tear rolling down his cheek, crying for the lost souls watching him | |
| @Genericjoey i had to fix the typo since they're probably going to print this tweet in Harper's | |
| sorry bartender. if i order the wrong beer the trolls will have a field day. lets play it safe. fiji water for me, with a Hint of pepsi | |
| 109 year old man attributes long life to uncircumcised dick, no vaccines, | |
| im at the point in my life where i cant relate to any popular fictional characters unless they use massive amounts of hair gel and steriods | |
| how do people know how big their dicks are. is there an online quiz you can take | |
| scrolling down my feed..lauguhing my ass off at my own trade mark "Knee Slappers", my mouth stuffed with bread making beastly noises | |
| lost in the Maze... http://t.co/KaDXJo6Twp | |
| EEEEYYYYAAAAGGGGHHHH !!!! MY ASS .... | |
| funny that s.bucks suddenly wants to talk about race right after they throw me & my 7 service dogs out of their restaurant for being White | |
| @shrekpissslave the newest, shittiest one possible , owned by dick Cheney & hipsters, tweeting for pepsi bucks to promote abcs sitcom lineup | |
| clown college is bnot a real place. it is a location imagined by trolls so they can claim that i'm from there or that i should go there. | |
| CLERK: Do you have your reward cardME: Absolutely I do not. I shan't be taking money out of the hands of Best Buy using insidious exploits. | |
| @sequeltime might get it tomorrow i think http://t.co/4932R7BXen | |
| auh yeah ! !! http://t.co/FLU9MRb5dn | |
| one more. good night http://t.co/BaZQ2mC5Do | |
| coax me into the toilet like a big bu g | |
| daily reminder to wrap your Shit in tin foil before flushing so it doesnt touch other people's shit | |
| if anoyne sees a blue thermos on I-95 that is a container of Stress Vomit my wife threw out of the car and i need to show it to my doctor | |
| real_damn_fairly_misanthropic_red_m_and_m | |
| the trolls: please Followback, and also Yolome: HUh?? Shit for brians? Whuuuaa?? Egads. Homina Homina. Sweet Baby Crap. You're a fool | |
| forced to commit suicide on live tv after 50yr old post comes to light in which i claim that scotus clarance thomas jacks off using his feet | |
| dont try to tell me it's spelled "clarence"./ i will not be april's fool | |
| ah ! your feeds going to blowup! loug out, quick!! http://t.co/OCJLGgEB1i | |
| its a joke you nit wits. Fuck all of you | |
| look at the calender. I'm not explaining this further | |
| you know what. im dropping the subject and going outside to sip some cool lemonade. Enjoy your circle jerlk | |
| wghen other people do jokes, they get the big buzz feed office, allowed to kiss girls,etc, but when i do it im treated like a Crook. typical | |
| @AndyRichter so sick of these strained gags, | |
| im the reddit guy hwo ranted about an existential crisis i had after realizing all of jeff foxworthys "you might be a redneck" jokes were me | |
| my plan of my walk of life is always making one million smackers (dollars) to get rich, and to pick up all the money I find on the floor | |
| ME: These days everyone wants to suck their smart phones dick if u ask me.HIPSTER: Is that a new feature?ME: ((making bitter beer fsce) | |
| some times it takes a little bit of Free thinking to be able to look at the bull shit of the world to step back and say "Damn What the hell" | |
| "Why should there be only one good friday. Let's try our best to make all the Fridays good. Thank you" -a quote i invented which made me cry | |
| a visit.. from the easter man http://t.co/qK6xCdUeOU | |
| i am a cot and pickin "tells it like it is "son of a bitch | |
| ((restrained by cops and forced to watch a man put mustard on a bagel) nno!! you're ruining it! That's quality bakedgoods | |
| whicghever media wizards decide what you all are currently angry about should consider the grievous crap of people putting mustard on bagels | |
| @BassoonJokes im talkin normal mustard a nd would also go as far to also implicate Gouldon's "Spicybrown" | |
| going nuclear on smart asses today, with the block button, Whilst enjoying my normal life with a cup of Porter Brew and eating Main Lobster. | |
| @beelzeturnt im talking about main lobsteer, as in the good part of the lobster, like prime rib is to steaks | |
| yknow folks, not many things tell you theyre good right there in the name, so if you see things like Good Friday or Goodfellas i say Take It | |
| i''ll peruse the web at my own damn leisure and thats a fact jack | |
| do not show me this http://t.co/8GE5bvWIEb | |
| the new meat ball sub's sandwich at mc donalds is a home run and between you and me the taste is sensational and almost good | |
| "Soda is back" Only at Mcdonald | |
| enjoy your hot burger while children Piss freely in the colorful plastic tubes mere inches from your dinner, watch it flow down the slide | |
| Whua?? No sponsorship disclaimer? no my friends. im saying all of these things for free, because i need to | |
| @DinkMagic thank you. that is the correct thing to do on this page right now | |
| @palecur @nihilist_arbys @JussiMarttila i get hacked constantly everyday because i am a Clod with zero technical prowess | |
| pleased to announce, on the april of 9th, that i have signed a Truce with DigimonOtis, ending a feud that has persisted over several years . | |
| The ceremony will begin at 12:00 EST, wherein DigimonOtis shall unblock my account, and I will Follow him, officially ending this turmoil. | |
| @DigimonOtis Get online immediately and prepare for this yiou fucking idiot. Only 25 minutes left. Answer your phone | |
| @DigimonOtis we rehearsed this for 7 hours yesterday. you cannot do this. | |
| @mattjohnchrist go suck burger kings dick rsome more you fascist fan boy sewer hog | |
| @DigimonOtis im running to your house | |
| Well, the time has come. But before I officially grant DigimonOtis the coveted @Dril follow, I would like to say a few words. | |
| thbe new Digiman game looks like shit for children& 2015 will NOT herald the Digiman renaissance tht Otis desparately needs to stay relevant | |
| Fuck Otis. I will never follow a bastard such as this. | |
| the Digimon Otis peace treaty will hence be frozen in piss and thrown onto the freeway where itll shatter into one million despicable pieces | |
| @sexualjumanji No !!! | |
| @tetradugenica some peopl just have vile black hearts twisted by hatred and bad opinions about life | |
| for $500, i'll follow oyu on here and steal your best posts. this is an excellent way to get your foot in the door if you ask me | |
| Nmot a single one of you has given me your account password so i can make posts about top airfare deals on your behalf, especially the girls | |
| (listening to a wolf howl off in the distance) do you hear that. thats the sound of another fav star trophy in the bag | |
| this weeks "Mother Fucker" award goes to BabePigMovieMan for saying my dick looks "Crumpled up like a napkin" | |
| good news folks, today i dreamt about buying Furniture w/my girl followers so i punished myself by slamming the toilet lid on my fat fingers | |
| bblast my dick with Pet Dander | |
| Hunter S. Quiznos | |
| "Stick It" to the bastards of Washington using this hot new WendysTrick: Bigtime WendyScam for Nonviable Bun Bargain; Pitiful & Effective | |
| @respected_loner i can donate shit to fill the toilets with. thats all | |
| @respected_loner in that case i retract my offer and immediately call the mayor of wendys to warn him | |
| a social network to help cops with dirty boots meet browbeaten civilians who want to Spit`s shine the boots for free.. my one true vision | |
| reduced my weight gain goal to 300 lbs at the advice of my doctor | |
| folks.. when isay I'm "Getting my nails done", im talking being hammered to the cross, by those infamous trolls we all think poorly of, | |
| (to women at party) Im probably the top most crapped-on guy at twitter. My options get trashed constantly and Im best fit to shut my mouth. | |
| #UNELECTABLE !! #DEADWRONG !! #MarcoRubio #TeamRubio #Rubio2016 http://t.co/5dONoyRGnk | |
| one of my neighbors kicked my big flaming barrel of shit and piss over & spilled burning waste all over my yard just because im an irish man | |
| im out here in the yard trying to clean up my turds with a hair brush | |
| ah! ive had my ass put to the terrible kingdom of hell, also known as "the devils playpen", and also "Satans Playpen" | |
| (in slick Dennis Miller cadence) guh, | |
| floks... whether you're young or old: Star wors. Does it every time | |
| @OhIshItsGill Chheer's, and thank you, and good luck | |
| @DinkMagic @CeliaPienkosz i love all the guys, from that show | |
| bastard, http://t.co/z1UcEH9Ebt | |
| my idea for a car, is that it looks like a normal car., but right next to the steering wheel Blammo. theres a hose you can suck beer out of | |
| whether its that Hot rock N' roll or Cool jazz, well we can know what the one thing is that we all can agree on, is that it is "Pretty good" | |
| get this fellas. i just doxxed MetalGearEric and his real name is: Ted Staircase. he lied about being an eric and his last name is staircase | |
| @adamsteinbaugh i already doxxed all his anagrams and the best one is "tract disease" | |
| i did it. i posted like a fucking cartoon character instead of a human for 7 years and finally got my free light bulb http://t.co/zuoezdz5bK | |
| this guy was driving around with a decal of calvin pissing on nothing in particular. you missed the point entirely wwith this baffling setup | |
| chaplain era silent motion pictures where basically the first subbed anime . click to read more | |
| lumbering dick head told off by albertsons cart boy for trying to siphon gas from a moped while dressed like a blues brother | |
| think im going to start incorporating the word "Gadzooks" into more of my tweets, to punish my followers, for their constant insolence, | |
| @dogboner @ahuj9 thank you. it hasnt been long but i can already say that having 200 k followers is exactly like being god from the bible. | |
| DontWantNoBullShit. DontWantNoBullShit | |
| "Worthless" county treasurer in hot water after releasing list of famous cartoon apes he would like to fuck | |
| @PersianFarrah im tweeting the news. | |
| @PersianFarrah Crude | |
| Houly shit !!! The posts just keep on coming | |
| the dog from "Doge".. was assassinated today.. at the Pittsburgh Marriott durinng a "Meet & Greet".. point blank with a sniper rifle.. Weird | |
| REVIEW- EROTIC SILHOUETTE MUD FLAPS - 1 STAR: piece of shit. drags behind my Honda Accord and gets messed up. too long. not wortg the hassle | |
| maybe the ski mask guy who blasted the "Doge" dog across the room like a rag doll.. maybe he was all of us. my opinion. unfollow if u must. | |
| playing Dr. Kawashima's Brain Training (2006, NDS) 15mins a day gives me, i believe, the edge required to successfully deflect troll attacks | |
| Who Ever Left Their Pear Here. Come Get Your Pear http://t.co/6JIgZKrxYS | |
| ARMY: your nickname reflects poorly on us all. we're changing it to something like "raven" or "switchknife"ME: no. "hostage killer" is good | |
| world record: stupid ass hole drinks cup of coffee underwater | |
| ENJOYING BOND MMO?? JUST CRAFTED SOME REMARKABLE BOND GEAR WHILE YOU WERE BUSY TRYING TO FUCK THE NPCS WITH THE HUNDREDS OF OTHER JAME BONDS | |
| listen., pal, if you think im the kind of guy who doesnt wipe his ass, you're barkin up the wrong tree. my ass needs all the help it can get | |
| TWITTER: our records sjow..youre the least blocked guy here. 0 mutesME: spectacular. Truly, truly miraculous. This is a sign.. to post more | |
| FOlks, please, do not hesitate to send me twitter content before you publish it, so i can tell you if it's acceptable, or if it's bull shit | |
| me and my laywer are discussing possible challenges that may arise from me asking a net girl to run me over with her car while i "pound off" | |
| i want "Damn KFC" nearly most of all the time !!! if it's not "Damn KFC" ill drop it like a sack of fuckin potatos !!!! | |
| workshopping some atrocious new kfc slogans "My oh my, The taste of it" "Kfc its a boys thing kfc" "aah!! Munch" "Help me get to kfc" "Hubba | |
| kfc commercial idea: a man is trying to get into kfc but he is too small to reach the door handle. he tries and tries and nobody helps him | |
| "thw word 'good'... when you hear it, you're almost guaranteed something nice" - TheTrendingBoy | |
| @nataliejmooney mature of u to post this. here's some real shit http://t.co/yVLd00pVFe | |
| @Whistla @DJSpooks pleae look at the facts. | |
| james bond learns how to do cartwheels from a wise eskimo on top of mt. everest and uses them to roll through a nuclear blast unscathed | |
| tge nicest thing about me is i have excessively dry balls which basically start flaking apart like a piece of strudel whenever I walk around | |
| i ruminate over a scrapbook full of middle finger pics to keep myself demure, respectful and humble. "i deserve these", i utter shitheadedly | |
| http://t.co/xOU9BurIja | |
| @OnlineDwayne how dare you satirize my beloved fan base, the Lovely Boys of twitter | |
| @ass666666666 @CHANNAKAJIMA im respectful of him | |
| @CeliaPienkosz @OnlineDwayne the girls on this website are villains. all of then. | |
| do not tell my friend/colleague @PregnantSeinfeld how to make his fucking posts. hes a really good account & ahs been suffering from bedbugs | |
| @zeroprospects he closed his account due to childish people. | |
| @BillRatchet @zeroprospects This is true | |
| @ThriceNightly @sixfourimpallah @Sadieisonfire yeah i just give my password away to people all the time because im dumb as shit | |
| plrease go to the salad bar and get me a plate full of bake and bits | |
| @respected_loner and so you shall also be thrown out of my mentions for replying without Faving. | |
| RT @Petersangma: looking for communication Builder partnership with professional skills in Information Technology | |
| RT @Petersangma: Beware of touching my gadgetsAll my gadgets is encrypted with full security system so that no one can leak my personal files. | |
| RT @Petersangma: All girls are beauty | |
| RT @onley_tom: Im singel bissness owner looking for gf leading to marriage no games | |
| RT @999dhali: @Georgiejackk i m single man looking for gf | |
| my reaction when people react to pictures of my reaction when im reacting to something good http://t.co/N0wsIZfLOS | |
| this account is now 100%, fully unbridled, Racist. Fuck you !!! http://t.co/iqDjFXJoQH | |
| Sigh. Mistakes were made, folks. http://t.co/oYZyEXbeUl | |
| @_Hermit_Thrush_ i said im sorry. ive taken my lashes upon the cross. my brand is still good and anyone who cant see that is worthless | |
| I will be your Father. I will take you as my Son and teach you the ways of online. We will hold hands as our follower count reaches infinity | |
| @ElishaMarin a piece of crap | |
| http://t.co/XDq6MLh18u | |
| im all about getting out there and putting the posts up like im bad outta hell | |
| @noahleegerman its good | |
| @teenirl im suing you to court for Content theft | |
| @noahleegerman its just onne of those things you look at and say "oh its nice" | |
| ME: why am i just the man for the job? lets see. i love hamburgers, i love to help,HAMBURGER HELPER CEO: Leave these hallowed halls at once | |
| another thing that fuckin sucks is the gerber baby | |
| if i wasnt constantly debilitated from online-induced stress i could probably kick off the ass of any guy on here | |
| Sword's. The only blade known to man | |
| @picture_thinker yeah, i think peices of shit for breakfast likeyou | |
| howling james dean lookalikes circling their choppers around me, swinging chains while i sit in the gravel and borwse the nintendo 3ds eshop | |
| horseplay is morally indefensible | |
| @ElishaMarin hes good in heaven | |
| @nataliejmooney i will protect you and all girls frrom roughhousers | |
| @ElishaMarin Taugh shit. | |
| @nataliejmooney pleasde do not air out our dirty laundry in front of the good people of twitter | |
| i fairly tend to use "Sarchasm" to destroy liars mentally, and if that's not yiur cup of tea, i have the 2 words for you which is Suck it !! | |
| Unamused by trash behaviour . | |
| accidentally severed my spine due to some bogus info i received on the computer | |
| telling secretary to hold my calls so i can spend some time lookinh at girls' avatars with a loupe | |
| @dwayne846 get to hell you shape-shifting finagler | |
| @dwayne846 don't you dare make me type | |
| @shrekpissslave @BronzeHammer @robdelaney i was going to reply that it was actually written in "mike judgement" but I backspaced it out | |
| ill take.. the whole damn lot !!!!!! http://t.co/wkIMOvWaeJ | |
| "the online web. truly a touching testament to the power of... deeply Human connections." -what Abe Lincoln would say if he were alive still | |
| i got in the newspaper twice. once for my good posts, and once for screaming while still in the womb somehow | |
| [UmbrageLiker has joined the chat]PleasantBoy: GET HIM OUT OF HERENiceKeeper: NOT ON MY WATCHKindBarber: FUCK OFF !Helper: THIS IS AWFUL | |
| @Insane_Cultist soon we shall all be meme 's, graceful and dignified on the net, our crude human forms long forgotten | |
| cold butter popcorn. tjust throwing that one out there | |
| ME: waiter...give me a shitty joeWAITER: (wow..this guy just ordered a sloppy joe in a bad ass way i never heard before. powerful move.) Ok | |
| @nataliejmooney im strong | |
| @BronzeHammer @nataliejmooney 1-800-VamoOSe | |
| TWITTER APP: THree different guys you know just faved the same damn tweet. This is breathtaking. What are the oddsME: please locate my wife | |
| sen larry craig(R): DuRr I have a wide stanceMe: Cmon. If this guys for real. Then I got a bridge to sell ya.. and I just ran outta bridges | |
| @Insane_Cultist thats conrad | |
| my annual "Cum tribute" to the Ford Focus will no longer be archived in the library of congress due to partisan gridlock and meddling taxmen | |
| prince hussein...wheres my goodboy bailout | |
| university lost accreditation when nickelodeon slimed the dean, degree is useless, 200000 in debt & back in diapers, love getting ass kicked | |
| DisgruntledStepSon | |
| Hhm, Nope http://t.co/6B7hfKNPWu | |
| (after hearing the library has games , i arrive at the front desk, disguised as a non-gamer) er.. im here for some.. book's | |
| theres a 3rd babe movie where he turns into a human at the end. beautifully done scene. the pigs dream comes true. the government Blocked it | |
| shutterstock has hit hte concept of "A young atheist" out of the damn park with this one. bravo http://t.co/YXstO2Snho | |
| @respected_loner Well, thats your opinion. | |
| special thank you to that one guy who is really upset about some marco rubio incest joke i made on here and keeps sending me scary emails | |
| @marcorubio help me team marco. please defend my rights | |
| @marcorubio im sorry for calling you "Unelectable" just because you changed your name to "The Incest President" | |
| Well, it'd better damn friday | |
| @SniparsNiall only if it's on tv | |
| ah folks i do delcare i am a dumb ass southern gentle man who wouldnt know a re tweet from a ragdoll in this court room to-day | |
| @ElishaMarin i live in the church | |
| @ElishaMarin let me finish, | |
| @ElishaMarin the church of nice post,s | |
| (i descend from the heavens) I'm uh, netflix is good (i go back up to heaven) | |
| im seated down, and Ready to get pissed off......... | |
| http://t.co/JGe62Vk0Qg | |
| The Two Steaks Bastard . http://t.co/PZp9TpN1Vs | |
| too much pressure from society saying we all got to learn how to self suck. iwill never self suck my dick and im unfollowing anyone who does | |
| stop flooding the #stolenvalor hashtag with army man shit and only use it to report plagiarized @ Dril content, please and thank you | |
| alright netheads, Click the damn window out. Go outside. Mnake a grilled cheese sandwich with tomato slice. "Thank me later" | |
| Let it be known that I am the sole proprietor of the "Ren Stimpfani" joke, and that all attempts to replicate it are for the garbage can. | |
| gaining a new followefr.. that, to me, is a real "A-Ha!" moment | |
| The Brand Ayatollah | |
| ((pulls gun out in bank) NObody MOVE OR ILL BPLOW YOUR FUCKING HEAD OFF (empties a shit load of free lollipops & dog biscuits into big jeans | |
| #SeedPig for podunk nit wit | |
| some names for potential new nintendos, after the super nintendo: the good nintendo, the nice nintendo, the helpful nintendo; more to come | |
| evolution of doritos: cool ranch --> cooler ranch --> cool ranch again --> epitome ranch --> lousy ranch --> apotheosis ranch --> shit ranch | |
| RT @drymouthguru: Biotene is by far the #1 dry mouth product in the world !! | |
| RT @drymouthguru: Wow....Everyone was tweeting about FREE Biotene Gum at Walgreens. #biotene #drymouth #dental #freestuff #dealseekingmom #dentist #deals | |
| out with dentists, in with mouth gurus | |
| Im Very Upset with girls *impossibly low-res bikini babe robo-posting about heartworm meds follows me* Just kidding. Im only mad at the boys | |
| *does something fucking stupid or embarrassing in between tthe asterisks and doesnt expect anyone to wonder why im typing it out* im normal, | |
| llove "Driving Um Wild" with my trade mark wrong opinions | |
| painting an exquisite 12 foot mural of martin luther king jr dressed as a cop, entitled "The Dream Realised", to prove im not racist at last | |
| http://t.co/jFaLmP7y6W | |
| @Arr my favorites list is an extremely important art project and i'll thank you not to interfere | |
| @Saddam846 did you see his dick through the clown pants he was wearing. Oh Man | |
| @Saddam846 watching him desperately try to dissipate the vulgar dust cloud by blowing on it moved me to tears | |
| #MyDreamCarWouldHave a big ass i could fuck | |
| I hate the really small salt shakers and long for the times when we owould be inclined to more often use the big salt shakers at restaurants | |
| Shut the fuck up http://t.co/Zf89wVtyco | |
| RT @carlosmencia: @zoomer69 how bad does your pussy hurt becuase I'm successful? | |
| (in forced toughguy voice ) What the fuck is a clove of garlic. Around here we call it piece of garlic | |
| (POsturing like a dip shit at the public pool) My father owns no small number of shares at the smirnoff ice company. Let me be the lifeguard | |
| dont !!!! http://t.co/EKGe69SRrL | |
| digging thorugh all the trash cans and dumpsters at e3 in search of condoms containing genetically superior gamer cum | |
| beautiful e3 conference from the Police. THreatened to trap all crooks. Spinning handcuffs around. Elaborate boot play. No games to announce | |
| oculus allows you to smoke wii remote like a cigar and blow heaps of smoke in celebs faces | |
| guess what. i have the brain of a Human. i have a Human's brain | |
| @wooser69 thats where it goes. this is normal | |
| http://t.co/s8KMF9tlXy you will pry it from my cold muscular hands, fucker | |
| "before we begin todays ball game, user @Dril would like a few words on Dairy Queen" the audience boos as i traipse the field in my tiny car | |
| my "Ass Ceremony" is solely to blame for all thre bad earthquakes. if i knew it would have caused the earthquakes i would not have done it. | |
| youll all be glad to know that my soul has undergone some much needed healing after i apologized for the earthquakes which killed thousands. | |
| @SadLarry3 i'll heal him | |
| @dogboner you Hog. you Rat | |
| ;i help girls now | |
| how come nobody ever helps me when im playing team foot ball. i beg for the other players to help me and they refuse to #theThursdayNiteRant | |
| @PersianFarrah dm gumline pics | |
| @aloadofhupla Sorry | |
| people are telling me that i have no right to post the thursday nite rant on a tuesday. SCREAMING it to me | |
| limiting the thursday nite rant to one day of the week ... its just not good for gthe brand | |
| now youve done it, teens. the official mr bean account is closing because you all kept calling him dad | |
| im not going to eat mcdonalds becuase bacteria refuse to break it down. instead ill eat the food bacteria love the most: raw chicken & turds | |
| . http://t.co/iHzeWAxTPz | |
| DIVORCE GURU: gaming is a right, not a privilege. remember that always.ME: Thank you divorce guru | |
| committing unforgivable crimes against nautre in my laboratory ,trying to create the next genetically discombobulated meme animal | |
| this would be Twitter, a Web site for fu&%in' adults. Yeah | |
| dictating some more nice posts to my keyboard boy while my wife straps me to the big spinning crross | |
| any one who posts snark of my dear friend Bobby Jingle gets the head blowqn off shot gun style and is not allowed to have a real grave . | |
| dont talk to me of trade agreement when the only thing we can agree of is that charlatans & mad hatters have overrun the waushington office. | |
| @Robbie_gr im waiting for all the celebs to weigh in before i can offer my official verdict on tthe controversial flag of the confederacy. | |
| What can i say. WHen its the game of politics, its open season on everyone who has entitled and ignorant views of opinions. No filter | |
| http://t.co/H9mFWPhmO4 | |
| ssure. ill concede that this landmark decision is a step in the right direction. BUt people who pre-order games are still getting swindled . | |
| @Captain_Chaox thank you gabe b | |
| do not shorw me your mystifying cowboy slurs at this point and time http://t.co/7pCPUNdFXT | |
| MarioGodKenneth is stuck in israeli prison again and ive received $0 in donations towards his bail. | |
| @BooDooPerson prison of lies | |
| @thechristmasape @niceboops no | |
| @shreksghost Sftu. Thanks for making me dry heave | |
| doing my Civic Duty (evading tax's) while laughing at trolls threatenning to do arson to my house | |
| what can i say. my hatres are my motivators (gets pic of nude man covered in syrup sent to inbox) FUCk. Please stop | |
| always looking for exicting new up and comers in the realm of breathtaking digital online content to block | |
| donlad trump reportedly says that normal type pokemon are a waste of time. they're just dirty birds & rats who have no right being a pokemon | |
| replying to massive amounts of flagrant screwball tweets with words like "Tedious" followed by a period | |
| The dog days of summer,. Its the dog days of summer everyone (Flapping gums aboutn othing, doesnt know what dog day is, knows he fucked up) | |
| @sam______1995 Why dont they call them the porch days of summer then. Surely dogs arent the only animals who do this | |
| ive trademarked the term "The guy who fucks up" so if you see someone else using it pleaase stick my Fair Use brochures to their car | |
| just meeting up with one of my real life friends; pictured here. http://t.co/JgYf0Q0IAN | |
| http://t.co/4KmDhnBsjp | |
| and folks.. we cant forget aobut Tennis Shoes (Audience boos.) Are you Tennis, or are you shoes? Who'd'y'a'think'ya're ? (Applause) | |
| " If U like a good songI wont steer ya wrongCocaineIts Got guitar and drumsSo please listen to someCocaine " | |
| @dwayne274928572 hes from the tv | |
| @dwayne274928572 you know what. http://t.co/oWr2z45iJi im not here to do your home work. | |
| @JimCarrey im the pro-neurotoxin, anti-vaccine, son of a bitch cop!!! i love rolling around in disease and spreading it to dumbass civilians | |
| Nobody Checks My Son For Head Lice With Out Getting Past My Police Issue Hollow Point Smith & Wesson Which Gives Everyone It Shoots Leukemia | |
| pleae check this out: Hostler Magazine | |
| @DinkMagic check it out if you have the time | |
| @animaldrumss please read all of them and reply back to me when you are done | |
| @dwayne274928572 thank also you. | |
| listen here blues traveler. pretty much all musicians travel you dumb ass. you should name your band "blues redundant guy" | |
| click that fave button if i did good. | |
| i challenge anyone who would bring shit to me to a one on one hockey match. goalie vs goalie in the frozen arena. three pucks | |
| @Bro_Pair you yack off in the replies with the rest of the rabble like you are doing now | |
| entire bullshit of gas prices deconstructed by large boy who is partial towards treating him self | |
| The jokes, Ladies and gentlemn. The jokes | |
| Geting my dick sucked in Unreal Engine 4. Flushing toilet in Unreal Engine 4. Having shit beat out of me by greasers in Unreal Engine 4. Wow | |
| yes sir. im sorry sir. (hangs up) that was the mayor of reddit. he wants this account spick and span of dick jokes before the handover | |
| DVD: FBI WARNINGMe: oh boy here we goDVD: The board advises you to have lots of fun watching this Hollywood movieMe: Ah.. It's a nice one | |
| "Litter Box Fucker"AUDIENCE: (LAughing already)WORKING CLASS JOE: Im going to fuck the litter box now.AUDIENCE: AWuooo! Hoo hoo! | |
| unban me from college http://t.co/q57sgQ1uxi | |
| long horn steakhouse should not refuse to honor my coupons just because theyre wet http://t.co/zODZEYLQkY | |
| im going to keep doing this until my daughter calls me http://t.co/wbpeGpu7JI | |
| im startingmy own version of bill maher's "new rules" called "Good rules". It's going to fucking suck | |
| people get mad at me when i riff on Current Events so ill just say this. im enjoying cooking turds on the grill regardless of what day it is | |
| @kcgreenn krusty should not be on the simpson family's roof. this is hell | |
| @whine_country @kcgreenn he belongs at the circus with his friends | |
| if youre one of the guys who blocked me on here, i Forgive you, and im ready for you to unblock me now. | |
| rodent website | |
| if you odn't subscribe to every last one of my vague, yet cocksure beliefs regarding the Portuguese , i will never make eye contact with you | |
| just deleted 23,000 tweets at the request of Sbarro. feeling Purified | |
| if you don't know how to use a Lathe you deserve to eat dog shit | |
| @virgiltexas @leyawn @lukezim @dendycrew @crushingbort @respected_loner http://t.co/0mnaAvzRdL | |
| the boys are enjoying their fave jukebox when ths sarge steps inSARGE: TURN OFF THE DAMN JUKE BOX! ITS WARME: Fuck u sarge. The armys crap | |
| @TrimGod69 im constantly expanding | |
| phaw!! 2am!.. time to go hit the hay (jacks off and comes back ot the computer) | |
| @jures i only jack off for the amusmement of my followers, who have come to expect this sort of bullshit from my account. | |
| RT @SR429info: SR 429 will be closed THURSDAY night between @SR414info and 441 from 11 pm to 5 am. Use @SR451info as an alternate. http://t.co/UVlZU4coHT | |
| RT @HelpfulMan: Join We the People | |
| RT @BoysTruth: Boys only need to style their hair get dressed and their ready, while girls need to get dressed, put on makeup, get their hair done! RESPECT | |
| RT @menstruth: No matter what you do. Do not get sexual with a woman over a text message before getting sexual with her in person. Big mistake. | |
| RT @GuysTruth: Real guys are are athletic and can play every sport with no problem | |
| RT @LadsTruth: Listen Girls. We don't care about your fucking feelings. We just want to Fuck You Right In The Pussy! #GirlProblems #truth | |
| RT @MaleTruth: Shit | |
| RT @MansTruth: If a hot ass woman walks by, we're going to check her out! #truth | |
| RT @Brotruth: You say you miss me you say all you want to do is kiss me,but at the end you are with another guy so you just diss me.. | |
| RT @ladytruth: 在bbrother新書裡看到你的側臉，鼻頭一酸，我不能哭，因為我們已經回不到過去了。 | |
| RT @JohnnyTRUTH: watching pregnant man | |
| RT @Sextruth: @ItsCHELSEY it's never to early for Twitterafterdark when your horny. | |
| RT @Gamertruth: Farming gold in selfish way causes team unrest but can cause you to be fed You must balance talk to your team about how to farm in a fairly | |
| RT @ShitTruth: I hate bull shit! | |
| RT @twitjust: Fuck lobster fest!!! | |
| RT @MacPatches: FUCK THE SPENCER THEATER OF ALTO NEW MEXICO. And FUCK lobster-fest | |
| RT @DangerAtkins: @seanmcmann YEAH FUCK LOBSTER FEST! | |
| soirry. i didnt know retweeting "fuck lobsterfest" would make me lose 200 followers. ive learned my lesson so feel free to follow me again | |
| @respected_loner i dont promote circus acts. | |
| @extranapkins my frank assessment: theyre both bad., | |
| you pick up some political cartoon paper & see a shitty grave drawing captioned with "Burt Be-Gone" and its intended to be respectful & nice | |
| #NewFastFoods Fast bread | |
| Have you ever wanted to click X on a bastard | |
| commercial idea for Michelob Ultra—a bumbling imbecile ransacks his apartment to find the guy who took a dump in his glass of michelob ultra | |
| "Durr michelob ulta would taste the same if it had a turd in it" -Suppressive Persons with little on their mind but mischief and mayhem | |
| i offer my toilet to the mail man everyday. my toilets not good enough for the big important mailman apparently. mailman is a bad job anyway | |
| It'd be an honor for you to use my toilet Mr. Mailman. I must make clear i dont intend to film you or collect your waste. My toilet is clean | |
| i absolutely deserve tax credit for offering my respectable toilet to government employees whenever i can | |
| (passes a man in a hardhat toiling over a roadside utility cabinet in 100 degree weather in my black convertible) Nice Fedora Dip Shit | |
| i think my goal in life is to start a football team named "The Baseball Preferrers" and our gimmick is to get as many penalties as possible | |
| @JoseCanseco @JustinABC13 @HillcatBaseball I hope hes ready to see a man urinate on the field of baseball | |
| @burn_spear @JoseCanseco @JustinABC13 @HillcatBaseball Jsut count the faves. Thats what i say. The people of twitter want urine | |
| Waiter, by the advice of the Chicago Tribune Id like a Dash of Ground Cumin on my Farm Fresh Egg. Oh! Too much! I withdraw this transaction, | |
| http://t.co/XYrQaKTmq4 | |
| the "No Bullshit" award goes to this guy for being bossed around by gas station employees & giving them a poor review http://t.co/SRps5X8qaA | |
| its me again, from the website. admit that the berenstain bears are for adults or i will strategically headbutt your father to death | |
| @BMcCarthy32 stick to the "Dug Out", chump !!! | |
| i love to hover hand my gf in pictures. (gets Owned across various media) sorry. Sorry everyone. I forgot that was bad | |
| every room in every home must have a Host | |
| https://t.co/Whcb30VFPT | |
| spaghetti and meatballs... now theres a #ClassicCombo | |
| well it goes to show you that the trolls will gladly stoop so low as to shit upon the #classiccombo of spaghetti& meatballs we all hold dear | |
| im a reasonable mans son who thinks that putting a dash of venom into my favorite roast pork hoagie will make it Spicy instead of killing me | |
| THinking of a "Boy's Day" of twitter..won't post specifics due to trolls, but basically all girls will nicely be asked to log out for 24hrs, | |
| @respected_loner Asap, cretin | |
| @BAKKOOONN this is what boy's day is all about. just some boys going to pool | |
| there is no such thing as a baby animal. they are all adults from birth. sorry if my opinion offends you | |
| i will not close my account until the sport of golf is rightfully named "golfball" like the other ball sports | |
| the Ins & Outs of my ass; "Regarded As Low Quality" by famous Dr. House, in banned episode unfit for public consumption, Bullshit Bullshit. | |
| never knew that anything was good or bad until i got on the computer, i had always assumed that everything was Average until i got yelled at | |
| im the dip shit top replier who goes into every thread about someone being afraid of moving out and says "Dont forget to buy a plundger" | |
| Frowning Principal Exposed To Beer Content On Time Line | |
| #FreeSlurpeeDay they dont ever wash the slurpe machines. the cops found a shitty waynes world baseball cap inside one of them | |
| if you like the band "Shinedown" you will love this video of me getting trounced by police officers while demanding to meet them | |
| please everyone search for shit like "autism microchip" on youtube and look at all the thumbnails on their videos http://t.co/V25172FH5s | |
| @victorecabarren "flouride 666" http://t.co/qi41qxW72d | |
| @AgileTablet second result for "playing violin" http://t.co/PEDAs818hf | |
| why'd there suffering in this world................. | |
| (bowed head solemnly rises from deep thought) Intellidgence is the strength of wisdom | |
| @iam_fernando i dont know hwho that is | |
| @iam_fernando HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH http://t.co/5w0l9QVO1e | |
| @iggy_uffda @iam_fernando well, he blocked me now, so i cant | |
| my followeres, who all hate me, and wish to kick my ass, are nobodys, and they lack the combat training to injure me, because theyre infants | |
| every woman ivr ever spoken to would describe our correspondence as "Graceful" | |
| my page is a tornado of Slur's... my inbox is a viper pit of horseplay... my desktop is a Clown's Tent for bastards... | |
| @dwayne274928572 bark up the wrong damn tree ass whiper | |
| THe Eagles is a team of football who i respect & admire. Their commitment to touchdowns is good. They are athletic when it comes to sports | |
| THis is not a "Meltdown". Its a normal opinion | |
| @BevisSimpson well if it was allowed, id go with a banana thats the average amount of ripe, as i believe it offers the "Best of both worlds" | |
| @BevisSimpson Perhaps consider making that option available in the future for those of us who don't eat out of the dumspter. | |
| @cnn please teach me how to make a net so that i can nab the ruthless scoundrel known as el chapo | |
| iwant to be pummeled with carpet beaters by eastern european grandmas and make big awful clouds of dust | |
| always take my stagecoach full of pit bulls to the Range . because my girls love to watch me shoot | |
| ME: hey ed. whats good to shoot at the range todayED: Someone threw a big bag of packing peanuts out there. Its good to hit it with bullets | |
| *ffires 400 rounds at a piece of shit log until it slumps over* Take that adam landza | |
| i show up at the range wearing a t-shirt that says "I Wont Wear The Earplugs" and i m promptly directed back to my car by staff members | |
| CLICK ON MY POST 10000 TIMES IF YOU ARE WORKED UP OVER COMPUTERS | |
| @dwayne274928572 @neonwario They both stink | |
| @neonwario @dwayne274928572 "Gotcha" | |
| When you "FAve" me, you are effectively throwing a " Treat " into my mouth | |
| just remember what it is we're all fighting fo.r... http://t.co/ucS2wcLgje | |
| (sees no soliciting sign outside Wendy's) damn it!!! fuck! i really wanted to solicit to wendys!! | |
| honey mustard likers... heres a one million dollar idea for you "honey ketchup" | |
| http://t.co/iaN723k0mo | |
| scarce, low quality content and an abundance of wrong opinions is the reason the cavemen went extinct. thats my beliefs bitch | |
| my q uote of the season "Its almost summer time so lets hop in the pool" | |
| @dwayne274928572 you deserve my worst offer, which is "2" | |
| @BevisSimpson i iwsh he blocked me so i could talk shit about him, but now i have to say the gofundme is good and im glad hes doing it. | |
| wow this 40lb bag of dog food is only $30... why do dogs get all the bargains | |
| https://t.co/dSAHksi5nY | |
| @dwayne274928572 http://t.co/oA57NEDZwE | |
| sell my account to "Wild Flava" (@FlavaWild) for $2000? this is perhaps the most difficult decision i;ll ever face . http://t.co/ZBYr8N6ZSR | |
| on one hand $2000 will barely even cover the cost of my large amount of mansions. on the other hand i respect the wild flava brand immensely | |
| i have taken my shirt off over 10000 times | |
| @ItsDings because its good to | |
| does anyone have any tips and tricks for someone about to own a Balcony. Can i take beer on it | |
| trolls: Lets jerk off to the teletubbies and. barneyme (to followers): Are u seeing this. Are you seeing thi s. Am i the only sane man left | |
| archaeologists 1000yrs from now are going to find my embalmed turds and assume they were part of some sacred ritual. NOpe im just a dumb ass | |
| @dogboner @DinkMagic @BronzeHammer doesnt matter whose mouth they find them in. we'll all be dead. who cares | |
| @colettelmt Whos that | |
| w*akes up on the morning of july 18th 2015 sick and tired of Snooki and HoneyBooBoo* Wheres my damn nuke bomb... | |
| @awful_noise erased by government | |
| @hambeef Goodboy goodboy | |
| the adrenaline rush i get from posting gives me the energy to walk to the toilet, and the endorphins i get from shitting allow me to post | |
| just indignantly threw $799 gamer keyboard into koi pond because i got pissed off by the craze that is sweeping the nation known as Planking | |
| "Crowdpleasers"... Now these, I like | |
| @MGoldberg451 Fool!! Bastard! | |
| my repulsive cohorts and I are searching the woods for tree sap so we can rub it all over our hands and improve our golf grip | |
| im assigning a letter grade to all the looney tunes at 10:00PM EST sharp. this is a once in a lifetime event. please do not miss it | |
| sponsors are telling me not to post them. but idont give a fuck. im sick of being pushed around. this is my account & thats the bottom word | |
| Bugs Bunny: BElmer Fudd: A-Tweety Bird: FDaffy Duck: C+Porky Pig: D+Theyre the only ones i can think of right now. My hands are shaking | |
| @fultonmedic237 i forgot him | |
| evvery other Friday the sheriff guides me around the jailhouse and lets me expose myself to the villains, and thats #MyTGIF | |
| thank you all. your kind donations of $400000 will keep me alive for 1 more month, after being fired for looking at racist swords on my ipad | |
| @diarrhea @BronzeHammer i followed you after you promised to wear the diaper to work if you reached 5000 followers. i needed it to happen | |
| @BronzeHammer well i cant follow yiou now that you've asked for it. then everyone will be asking for the damn follow, and i cant handle that | |
| Does anyone know how important is this. http://t.co/XLtJAtdnM2 | |
| @leyawn my portfolio http://t.co/QjW37IA2RQ | |
| what is the best kind of acid to spray my own dick with as a joke | |
| @nataliejmooney thank you. this is the kindest thing a girl ever did for me. feeling blessed | |
| suigh... this weeks Bone Head award goes, once again, to my ex-wife, who just bought a stupid ass looking refrigerator | |
| its disgusting to create the illusion on tv that animals are talking with cgi or otherwise. a disgraceful tactic | |
| #TenThingsNotToSayToAWriter im going to piss all over your car. for being a Writer. | |
| now you see, what i like to do is consider my page to be a "No Frown Zone", because of the consistently good quality of my messages i put up | |
| mods!! mods! one of those obscene low follower count boys stole a lick from the delicious lolly that Father bought me!! ah! how dreadful ! | |
| alrigt jack asses. before you "Go In" on me, heres a quick recap of the jokes i invented:- Dogs (Anything mentioning them)- The Weed Fairy | |
| "don't tread of me", the famous words of that good snake who doesn't want to get stepped on, the noble slithering bastard I relate to most | |
| SUCJK MY DICK http://t.co/cbU6JrAuDS | |
| @molon_labia @JARosenberg12 no.that's a cruel myth | |
| @Lowenaffchen @dogboner @ska_pope @boring_as_heck @michaeljhudson @fart @BevisSimpson @leyawn @virgiltexas @animaldrumss I will murder him | |
| im sorry to Wawa for attempting to behead myself in one of their restrooms. i promise to take the Wawa experience more seriously from now on | |
| i know im a dumb ass for expecting a serious response from the chucklefuck brigade, but can someone please tell me if im circumcised or not | |
| the infamous millennials are more interested in (consults notepad) being nickeled and dimed by the tax man than (squints) distilling vinegar | |
| i can only hope that when a kangaroo court of dipshits comes to haul me to prison that i have the grace and humility not to get mad at them | |
| founnd a cicada skin stuck to my nefarious pud | |
| the maligned Villains of my story., my ass and dick, are known to drive my readers the most wild and turbochagrge engagements & impressions | |
| (pitching the Michelin Man) hes this big white dipshit and people associate him with tires for some reason. he has no personality. no jokes | |
| http://t.co/OFFawMWrbx | |
| @dwayne759384752 http://t.co/NuTSpRCpTM | |
| LawAndOrderGal has entered JeansChatLEVIS_GAURDIAN: NEED A FUCKING DRAINAGE RIG THAT WONT SCALD MY THIGHSLawAndOrderGal has left JeansChat | |
| Priest: and the lord said, take this delicious McDonald and eat it, for it is my body and it will be given up, for youMe: Insanley badass. | |
| survey - please tell me which one is "Most good":>Perfect meadows in every direction>A Man wheezing into the toilet>Bobs BigBoy PattyMelt | |
| i hear in some cultures they crap in their hand first before putting it in the toilet. thats fucked up to me. just shit it directly in there | |
| If you do this: Fuck you http://t.co/9RBuLcCun3 | |
| tormenting lab animals with my huge vibrating ass | |
| hm.. the essentials... well what can i say. you gotta have em baby http://t.co/8Edkr2U60c | |
| UNITED NATIONS: ah!! please help us! we need just a normal man's opinion!! we got you a seatME: How'm I to trust you, while God is bleeding | |
| i have every net flick | |
| windows..on behalf of all boys online, INCLUDING the trolls, id like to extend a well-deserve "Thank You" for putting updates in my computer | |
| am I the most dark & twisted psycho god online?? hm lets see:- When the dow jones industrial average goes down i say simply the word "Good" | |
| @nataliejmooney u cant bruise a rib. only the skin around it #Annihilated | |
| @respected_loner @nataliejmooney ill simply let the fav counts do the talking. as i normally do when dealing with cra[p. | |
| @nataliejmooney @CeliaPienkosz Childish. i dont have time for links | |
| @CeliaPienkosz @nataliejmooney i respectfully will not | |
| @_Hermit_Thrush_ @nataliejmooney im sorry everyone. i should not have commented on the ribs. i never could have known this would happen | |
| feeling devilishly Racist today... might apply just a smidgen of Blackface before i go out chasing cars | |
| http://t.co/OZYFNThDkB | |
| RT @SUBWAY: Like everyone, we are deeply offended by the fake story and ad created by The Onion. | |
| bush was the president who likes oil. correct? so what i think is that its actually "Castor oil", because he leaves a bad taste in my mout!! | |
| front of my shirt: " YES: MY PATIO IS HAND-WASHED "back of my shirt: a convenient bullseye so people can shoot me if they want to | |
| released statement regarding Grumpy Cat urinary tract infection: "Grumpy Cat is in a lot of pain, but still wants to entertain you at shows" | |
| http://t.co/ZhirkDLIwE | |
| Ah!! Ah! once again, the flap-jawed trolls have deliberately misinterpreted my constant attempts to get a girl friend on here as " Sexual " | |
| Once again, those dastardly, Devious trolls have installed a device underneath my computer desk that shoots me in the dick every time i post | |
| the most popular of my weekly features is returning in 2016. thats roight folks. #WaterboyWednesday no further info at this time. | |
| bramds http://t.co/BCkDV2xGTM | |
| im a bush-league yokel who should be put on the floor | |
| http://t.co/54vIlDx0Rf | |
| each 'Ridge' in your crinkle-cut potato chip costs 4 gallons of precious slave blood to create and adds a satisfying "Cruntch" to every bite | |
| The three brnaches of government? Simple. Breakfast, Lunch, and DInner. Because the government loves eating us alive with the old Tax & Spen | |
| i believe that jade healm 15, and the markets going haywire, youve got a "Witch's Brew" of bull shit | |
| @Goos_rum No sex on this profile | |
| Im sorry? Are u "Going in" on me?? Am I being "Gone In" upon just for p osting my time-tested opinions about girls holding forks incorrectly | |
| if you want the real bargains during boys night out... gotta go with the Children's menu... every time | |
| Love To Scrimp, Hate To Save #TheFinalWordOfIt | |
| RT @BurgerKingPk: #BurgerKing 20, maybe up to 50, decomposed bodies found in truck in Austria - Hindustan Times: Hindustan Times20, maybe up ... #Pakistan | |
| the inventor of the famous "Love to Scrimp, Hate to Save" tweet... FINALLy taking pop culture to task... "You gotta see it to believe it" | |
| (vomits while dioing pushups at the gym and resists every attempt from professional trainers to stop me from continuing) | |
| i rise; spreading my arms, exuding fluorescent spheres of energy, each representing an Unfollower, Cuasing me a great deal of pain,Screaming | |
| Im going to make 1000 videos of fuck nasa. | |
| https://t.co/EdReabDAtP | |
| @HiImBleep Lets see u do better. | |
| @HiImBleep Gah . Delete it | |
| @dwayne759384752 should i do this?? boys? | |
| @dwayne759384752 Ah, thats a Blocked. | |
| 15 years ago the most shocking thing online was a picture of a man spreading his ass cheeks open. today, it's my opinions about Wet shaving | |
| fav if you think adults should have access to toilet timeretweet to see the face of G-ODignore and get th e word "Liar" branded into flesh | |
| Nuffs aid. Need I say more? Nuff said. Need I say more? Nuff said. Need i say more? Nuff said. Need I say more? Nuff said. Need I say | |
| @pr0spector88 https://t.co/8uljk3LPya | |
| STREET TOUGH: HEY. VERIFIED ACCTS ARENT FAVING U ANYMORE. WHATS THE DEALME:(pretending not to hear, fumbling w/ keys to open my shitty car) | |
| LIAR: Free data plan. is absolutely not good. It's something I don't think we should wantME: Im not to touch this one with a 10 foot pole | |
| Announcing new feature called #Rubadubdub where my followers are encourgaged to post pics of themself inside the bathtub. Ban me i dont care | |
| @CreepinItTrill I hate bodys | |
| please let me cover my entire webpage in jungle camo so soldiers can research vital murder info on the battlefield without being spotted | |
| http://t.co/xaPZhpuOzf | |
| extremmely turned on by Fav Denial , heavily worked up by women declining to fav my posts | |
| @CeliaPienkosz my tweets are good way less often than 20%. damn, with a 20% success rate i'd have my own hbo special by now | |
| fingers ranked by how good it is to show them to people:1. thumb2. pinky3. ring4. index5. middlesteal this listicle,u corrupted fucks | |
| theres never been a horny me, and never shall i horny be,And If this sacred vow shall break, I pray the lord my posts to take | |
| @Dconquist mr bean is a complete dope. his oddball capers are crass and unrealistic. i frown while watching this show. | |
| Houly fuck.. They did it. They replaced all the HF corn syrup w/ pure cane sugar. My minds absolutly blown by this shitty drink for children | |
| i fuucking love being sent to Juvie Hall | |
| i shall say this only; ive ended peoples careers by reporting them for "Ironic" typos & spelling errors., i do not give a shit. im a warrior | |
| mE: i'll take eggland's WORST, pleasegrocery clerk (min wage): Good joke sir | |
| Shut the fuck up? Now ? Whil;e im smack in the middle of perhaps my most ruthless tear against Netflix Culture? Muwahaha. Never | |
| imbecile goes viral after telling tgifridays waiter that his caesar dressing is "too spicy" | |
| ME: ill take.. one Cruisp bird w/ extra bird sauce pleaseKFC CLERK: Huh?ME: (gives him the Wink of Irony)KFC CLERK: Ah! The Wink of Irony | |
| funny how ppeople get faved for posting "Humour", but when i post about how deeply in love i am with the girls here i get the old Brush off | |
| ME: was thinkin about how I could incorporate the phrase "obama breeze" into my next post. Thoughts?TOM CRUISE: its solid gold baby. Killer | |
| startling how im the only person on this site with an actual human soul. you would think the other guys on here have one, but no | |
| half wit bumpkin here, looking for new snacks | |
| RT @saricus127: I KNEEL BEFORE NO ONE BUT MY CREATOR.I FEAR NO MAN NOR DEATH. I HAVE MET DEATH AND GOD I KNOW BOTH ARE REAL.I ALSO KNOW HELL IS REAL. | |
| RT @saricus127: TO THE ONE WHO TOLD ME TO WRITE IN LOWER CASE.I WRITE THE WAY OR TEXT OR TYPE THE WAY I WANT TO.I AM MY OWN.I DO AS I PLEASE. | |
| RT @saricus127: I DESPISE ANYONE WHO IS A SLAVE OF SATAN.IF THE SHOE FITS WEAR IT. | |
| @911VICTIM @frknbns here u go virdgens. 831B-0000-001E-7606 | |
| i pay good money to load my sons bag with treats, and if Erasmus Infowars Copfucker wants to devour them in the university library, so be it | |
| http://t.co/hq9EnbHCV6 | |
| CHEF: mon signor!! leaving the tails on the shrimp is good! it is tre bienME: Im going to nuke you with live ammo. Im the guy from the crow | |
| i cried during the schene where richie rich revealed the mcdonalds in his house. if you dont like it, move on | |
| @shreksghost http://t.co/JXPIg33nHp | |
| 2 celeb headlines i came up with, in case one of them does something: "Hasta Travolta, Baby" "Bieber does it again. Ah, but thats hollywood" | |
| Jack Ass: Arguably, in many ways, a "Two-fer" could conceivably be worse than a "One-fer"ME: I'd will not even dignify that with a response | |
| http://t.co/fbrGwofqcK announcin,g in 2016 my new brand alliance with cool arab man | |
| to me, the white and yellow lines that get painted to the roads are mostly a nuisance. i say let's #TakeEmOff | |
| @nataliejmooney once again natalie, your repulsive attitude towards online authority figures has caused me to SHIT myself in terror | |
| just noticed the new washcloths ive been showering with have the FoodNetwork logo. this is my biggest failure to date http://t.co/8JvvTKea36 | |
| im the guy who originally cooked up the "garden of eatin" joke. thats my bit. im just saying it out in the open here & now. trolls be damned | |
| @dril don't reply to this. i already know it's a good joke | |
| FOOL: Love to get a bee in my bonnetME: theres no possible way you could love that. take this down immediatelyFOOL: Ah, foiled again | |
| @BarackSaysWooo @DZwooo im methodical bitch. your the random guy | |
| I TAKE BACK EVERY KIND THING I'VE SAID ABOUT THE GIRLS ON HERE ! SHALLOW AND CRUEL ! HEART LESS DEVILS ! MANIPULATING MY POSTS & TRICKING ME | |
| @ninwoman BRIDE OF DECEIT | |
| i know i will catch endless flak for this. but I am of the belief, that the tried and true Suit and Tie, is a Classic | |
| apparently pharmacies think theyre grocery shops now. selling food product instead of focusing on exceptional pill service. Get real, punk ! | |
| as a real life professional Chef , i refuse to buy any packaged food that isn't marked with the words "Limited Edition" | |
| folks the only thing higher than Cheetch & Chong—is gas prices(audience goes wild, hooting,screaming; starting Great Gas Price Riot of '15) | |
| Ready to enjoy my Farm Fresh Mozzarella Sticks from Bertuccis, retweet my favorite celebs, and post some worms-eye pics of my Genitals & Ass | |
| someone on here asked me my opinion of Worcestershire sauce... but i dont feel ready to share that at this time. | |
| @nataliejmooney youve once again broken the sacred confidentiality of the text message. i've nothing to say to u. | |
| @nataliejmooney http://t.co/ZsbxvzKzvD | |
| @AndyRichter @nataliejmooney @animaldrumss folks, please. this is a private matter between me and the heartless criminal | |
| @dwayne759384752 get more than 3 friends. you stooge | |
| Thheres just not enough moisture in food now a days. Run that shit under the faucet | |
| NEWSWEEK: WHat can be said. youre a spectacular brand. like hitler without the racismME: I am exactly indeed like hitler without the racism | |
| droitos should make hamburgers | |
| @Perfect_Beanis normal hamburger with that doritos flair | |
| in the midst of jade helm 15 and high gas prices. a good boy looks to the stars and asks where have all the angels Gone ............... | |
| i have never in my life- shit my pants or had an erection. it is ludicrous to claim other wise | |
| SCreaming while the road workers slowly pave a road on top of me using my own tax dollar | |
| Waiiter, i have not received my Farm Fresh olives, and my steak is far too Unctuous. Please tell the chef to go back to 9 gag. | |
| (truyng to stumble across the next big two-word phrase that gets really popular for no reason) udhhu.. bird hell owl. big hell. owl hell | |
| I find my self. walking the hallowed halls of Harverd university , thinking wisely to my self. upon the quest, for Knowledge... | |
| looking how to become more cyber | |
| ME: (pulls soaked pair of jnco jeans out of sons aquarium) Ah wahts this. You cant continue to live here if you do thisSON: Im a smoker now | |
| Duur!! Thanks for clown baiting me. Idiot http://t.co/HllAsfHYUd | |
| pissed off because people are watching their precious football instead of asking me why im pissed off | |
| @dwayne759384752 @neonwario @DinkMagic @animaldrumss dont do it. 1million followers is more powerful than the nuke #NoMillion | |
| my romantic girl friend sees the super blood moon reflected in my greased back hair and pledges then and there to bow to christ our master | |
| please show me pins i can wear that will make me look very handsome in churdh | |
| i think when we get caught up in our gadgets and email, we forget to sit down and appreciate that time-tested classic doritos | |
| @Doritos Give mme my fucking coupons you cock sucking rats. I deserve at least 4 coupons for posting kindly of your nauseating animal fodder | |
| @Snowden please do a wiki leak addressing the mistreatment of gamer`s by viacom | |
| @DinkMagic @CeliaPienkosz @Doritos do not interfere with my negotiations please | |
| FOOL: Foot & mouth disease isnt necessarily goodME: Ive had it with this shit. Im showing this to your employerFOOL: Dont. I have a family | |
| The entire King Soopers store at 80th & Wadsworth is staffed with Federal Agents not authorized by any judge, | |
| This woman is an FBI agent sent to jingle her keys through the library to intimidate me about jail. | |
| log me in to the on-line city where the links are blue and the girls Dm Me...... | |
| @jasonlupas wgat | |
| @Ulillillysses http://t.co/SgDoWjHDkE | |
| hwow many favs are worth the equivalent of a human life... id say about 70 | |
| i dont see" follower counts." i see a beautiful Tapestry of the content of souls. i will murder you if you think this post is good or bad. | |
| Antonio Vivaldi six violin concertos, strings & continuo in A major " Burger King Theme " Op. 2 N°11 published in Venice by Bortoli - 1708 | |
| if u think its fucked up that men & women are allowed to eat the same kinds of food, type the word "yes" into your browser bar & click on it | |
| i sincerely hope all of you remembered to powder your keyboards and mice to prevent Hand damage during your normal 16 hr browsing sessions | |
| dead certainly., if my pit bulls could speak... they would say "please, please increase my power" | |
| (intentionally spoken within earshot of severral arbys girls) ah fuck. my hands smell like steroids from using steroids all day | |
| @antonwheel thanks | |
| @antonwheel stop tlaking to me. youre diminishing my Art | |
| https://t.co/SoEXekzbhr | |
| oh, youvve read a few academic papers on the matter? cute. i have read over 100000 posts. | |
| these guys tried to run a hospital in AFGHANISTAN?? hello?? i dont know if you noticed, but theres a war there? U gotta use your heads folks | |
| (smoking cig on stage) Ya know, like i always say, these fuckers dont know a damn thing of common sense. COupons are like free money. Use em | |
| @foucault_45 Agreed, actually | |
| RE: Restaurant Etiquette >> I've been a waiter for 9 years, and I like it when people snap their fingers at me. So your commant is invalid. | |
| https://t.co/9shYn8y5av | |
| @neonwario Fairly, yes, actually. | |
| https://t.co/q0cIZ7rbZ5 | |
| i warnned you all that bad things would happen if you kept letting your wives wear jeans. AND NOW LOOK! the damn gas prices are up again | |
| @terriakijerky oh theyre up | |
| " A fucking bastard lives here " http://t.co/cgRdl63PUN | |
| @CeliaPienkosz i only fav tweets that exhilarate the mind and soul, groundbreaking content which challenges the established status quo | |
| (ddumb ass, squinting at the tv, struggling to comprehend "The Flintstones") why are they wearing those outfits | |
| (in the 'lets get ready to rumble' man's voice) lllllleeets get ready to post some good shit | |
| ive decided to abstain from urination for two days, to punish myself for letting my kolut score dip below 70 again | |
| im still allowed to jack off. jacking off does not count as pissing. please let me have this | |
| ive completed the first hour of my 2 day #NoPiss challenge. i am searching for media outlets who would like to document my struggle | |
| http://t.co/bJE5yGivLM | |
| seems like to me that in this foul economy the only thing "On the Up and Up" is the damn gas prices, thath we all gotta break the bank for . | |
| @extranapkins i saw the other day- theyre selling it $2 a gallon now. Unbelievable. | |
| Approaching hour 5 of the #NoPiss challenge. This is very fucking serious and real. Bafflingly, no one has requested to interview me yet | |
| going strong into hour 8 of #NoPiss. feeling unprecedented spiritual growth. unfollow me if youre upset because this isnt "Funny" or "good". | |
| at the advice of my doctor, ive decided to piss, but only in small amounts out of respect for the #NoPiss challenge. i will limit my piss. | |
| @barrelshifter i can think of nothing nobler to die for | |
| @beneathurfeet http://t.co/GmbpVK6Imq | |
| @beneathurfeet shit and prick my ass | |
| taking sips from a big fat thermos with the isis flag on it. thinking about inventing an app that tells me when lunch time is | |
| ready to accept nine hundred dollars into my life http://t.co/NVls6XDI3T | |
| I dont appreciate bieng called "The Waterbed Bitch" just because I own a waterbed and post pictures of it daily | |
| the only hthing i hate more than crashing my ford truck is justin biebers dick. which was recently shown to me in pictures | |
| http://t.co/M7n5uOc3Ft | |
| instituting a new feature on my feed called "The Hell Hour". the hell hour begins now | |
| the hell hour has ended. all 37 repliers to the official hell hour tweet have been blocked indiscriminately. they took the gamble and lost | |
| 37 souls who will never again be allowed to engage with my red hot brand, bnecause they posted during hell hour and spat in the face of god | |
| FURTHER MORe, any future tweet i make may now randomly be designated as a "Hell Tweet", meaning if you reply to it , you will be blocked, | |
| , Fuck you !! | |
| @animaldrumss Go outside from the computer . | |
| forced to remove my famous "DANGER: MAY CONTAIN LETHAL LEVELS OF SARCASM !!" sign from the front door of the poolside shed that i live in | |
| I Hope So http://t.co/tOuAGUy2j1 | |
| coming up with some new racism slogans... "Racism: Never knew it could be this good" "Racism: Gotta geddit" "Racism: Now that's what's nice" | |
| @pepperkatie sorrty. im not a racist. i just thought these slogans were too good not to post | |
| the torture of being a Top Influencer on the hateful, chaotic earth... http://t.co/bFCO8GWvGA | |
| i was so wound up over trolls this morning i forgot to wipe my ass. i pulled my pants up and the shit coalesced into a wad on my lower back. | |
| arbys refuses to honor special bulletin offering a free "Roastbeef Snack" to all divorced men... lots of upset divorced men at this arbys,.. | |
| dont make me jump over that fuckinh counter and teach your low wage chefs the difference between "Extra" and "Double" meat ball | |
| @Arr @AtDawnTheyTweet @degg rest assured im constantly surrounded by flies | |
| i love my beavis. And yours | |
| @chris_merriam @Lowenaffchen thank you for protecting a grown man from beavis puns | |
| @chris_merriam @Lowenaffchen sorry, yoyure right. im trying to delete it now but i cant because of a virus. Ah! This is terrible | |
| @chris_merriam deray blocked me for no reason. if he wants to challenge me i will absolutely prove im less racist than him. stay out of this | |
| @chris_merriam im just a man w ho loves his beavis | |
| @DrMoneypants And yours. | |
| what if "DONALD TRUMP" was the ceo of NetFlix? I think itd go a little something like this...! (gestures racistly) What a world What a world | |
| @neonwario didnt know they stack shit , that high | |
| RT @agcnt47: The whole world is badshit insane... STOP FIGHTING against others. | |
| wondering why more people aarent faving this screenshot i found of professor Stephen Hawking saying "ape piss". If its fake please tell me | |
| https://t.co/vXgJ5a8nx2 | |
| in want of a glass of cold one ... http://t.co/Bzqa4zbkH9 | |
| @machiavellino @knifequest thiis is not the proper spirit of beer chat | |
| big meeting with chinese investors coming up in 5 minutes. need to look sharp and presentable. im running my dick under the faucet | |
| http://t.co/dT2lt1IXOY | |
| RT @fuck_greece: zynga | |
| RT @aidsexpert: Доска почета нашей больницы ))) Впрочем, в Интернете уже борьба за первенство! http://t.co/HEGzNaanDy | |
| RT @SpiritofLagos: Today is #NoHornDay, remember noise pollution can be annoying, let us cultivate respect for other road users. http://t.co/0jXiEnI9SQ | |
| https://t.co/EcZsqrNqK8 | |
| r https://t.co/PqBa2lIb3B | |
| concerning "Online", ive found there are websites that are often considered the "Good" websites, and others generally understood to be "Bad" | |
| im the guy who ruined Columbus Day by saying he had slaves, and im ruining Back to the Future Day too by saying the film is rife with incest | |
| cash for Clunkers.. fuck yes to this... | |
| HMm, it seems after years of reading my posts, everoyne is still miserable & dumber than shit. Maybe i should post like 100 more times a day | |
| https://t.co/d5OOf5EJB3 | |
| come. I SHall lead the charge against corrupt Game developers, (Falls face forward ansd a variety of ass medicines spill out of my clothing) | |
| fuh..just unfollowed about 900 people on here. Feel as thogugh ive matured a lot in my time on this site & expect a higher grade of content. | |
| a fuckin.. rat eating a slice of pizza?? damn,. the guy who filmed this must have gbeen smoking weed. | |
| #BenghaziCommittee my dick is normal sized. every morning i use a q-tip dipped in windex to clear scuff marks off of it. i have no illnesses | |
| bad ass https://t.co/5oiDfTQVVz | |
| i will tell you about the two types of diaper. there's the Functional diaper, worn inside the pants. and the Aesthetic diaper, worn outside. | |
| "Valor is the honor of distinction"... the words engraved on the side of my gun, that i force the gamestop employes to repeat out loud to me | |
| AAUh..!! Yeah. Lets all gang up on the guy who gives his children Steroids, just because he has a different opinion. Fucking idiots. | |
| months ago i dreamt about people making their ass cracks longer with surgery. i woke up & immediately put "Crack length" in my drafts folder | |
| U want more insight into "THe Process," u say? Look no further. https://t.co/yhbyYzq9SD | |
| scores of Farm Fresh, artisan treats available for my perusal.. Oh Me Oh My https://t.co/KdyCsUiOZ8 | |
| got a One Million Dollar idea here. the dewey decimal sytsem... its good right? now imagine using it at Wegmans to find your favorite snacks | |
| @oxygenplug typical that I should be diarrheaed on for sharing my beleifs | |
| https://t.co/27EkGJwkDb | |
| eat bird shit https://t.co/SWiJG6XDfD | |
| so many Weird Twitter accts asking me to suck their dick in the dms. im njust like, yeah right bub. you havent even retweeted me since 2013. | |
| @acmemarkets U call this a "Customer First" shopping experience??? I nearly threw UP !! Food floor. No good https://t.co/PwCnzmw2Qg | |
| @acmemarkets i will not give my location. please do not Track me. It did not meet my expectations. A Disgrace to farm fresh bagels | |
| show us the Boys https://t.co/CJS90gzeN1 | |
| the crusaders fire ballistas into my throbbing diaper- unlesashing a torrent of mustard yellow shit and poisoning the entire village | |
| @dril hell tweet | |
| @JFightsDragons i block all gilrs | |
| for m y money, the best Soda you can get today is at the restaurant we've all come to known as Micky D's aka mc donalds. | |
| @pigtailamber Absolutely Not. | |
| looking forward to my 19,000 dollars https://t.co/rF5YIPR7I0 | |
| @BronzeHammer thank you. they gfave it to me all at once like the applebees guy who was in the news recently | |
| this is the final scheule. do not contact me of this. https://t.co/5xBrxUpnNq | |
| TROLL: Shut down windowsME: Ah, no | |
| i shall not be attending boys night, as i have injured myself while attempting to butterfly an auntie annes pretzel stick . | |
| inspirational... 86 year old man circumcised by doctors in Zaire... "It's never too late" "Blessed." | |
| @frknbns this is true power | |
| 4am walgreens haul... re tweet this after the Girls wake up https://t.co/fg3DTgduUM | |
| id say my most defining quality is that i instinctively write tremendous amounts of think pieces whenever i see a naked person | |
| ah, So u persecute Jared Fogle just because he has different beliefs? Do Tell. (girls get mad at me) Sorry. Im sorry. Im trying to remove it | |
| i go outside for the rfirst time in 7 years and a biplane immediately shoots a chemtrail at my dick and makes it 2 inches shorter. typical | |
| boys i need a full report on your Scalp Health by uhh 8pm or else ill go ape shit in the dms, | |
| OPRAH: Take us back to the time you invented the famous Livestrong Bracelet.ME: well..i was at boston market, just looking at my wrist, and | |
| the times they are indeed a changin..but the one time thatll never change is Lunch time. lock them engagements in if you think this is good. | |
| these people with locked accounts...damn!!! you just know theyre hiding all the good posts in there | |
| @elibedlc @teenbus I AM NOT RACIST!!! THIS IS AN OUT RAGE!! I DEMAND YOU REMOVE THE POSTS AT ONCE! | |
| @slimelizard @elibedlc @teenbus i can guarantee you that im only as racist as the girls im attracted to- and not a tiny bit more | |
| @slimelizard @elibedlc @teenbus what do teens find funny nowadays. getting "Slimed" onj nickelodeon? farting principals? help me out here | |
| if this shit costs me the Fanta deal i will:1) become eeven more racist2) cancel all Thursday Nite Rants3) add a switchblade to my avatar | |
| @dwayne_login yes!!! holy shit! | |
| @BWWings @MillerLite @StellaArtois U will regret this. | |
| llooking extremely normal today https://t.co/ADTeu9bWfC | |
| RT @adolf_hitler: Tengo hartos videos en Youtube... | |
| hyj https://t.co/B5lArUsJE8 | |
| some people sing the praises of the one hundred dollar bill... i myself, prefer the humble, time-tested and reliable one dollar bill | |
| ME: Basiclaly its just a joke we do where whoever says hes El Chapo the most winsCOP: Thats not what a joke isME: Well its good either way | |
| huh.. it;s been awhile since i made an actual joke on here. lets see now. boats are basically uh, skeletons, that people use to, trick water | |
| yeah like im just going to put bottles of my own damn urine up on the mantel. you fucking idiot. this is celeb urine | |
| ennjoying a big bowl of condoms. twirling them around my fork like spaghetti | |
| fellas..tell your girls you will n ot be providing any more sex until the entire female race apologizes for halo 5's dismal metacritic score | |
| stressed out due to pistachio shit all over my shirt and computer desk . all posts canceled | |
| dual wielding toilet paper | |
| @HamousTruck is it. i dont know from good anymore | |
| ive eaten more $14 hamburgers than youve eaten regular hambufrgers, you low engagement galoot | |
| @NHLFlyera theyre not now | |
| thats it. thats enough. im shutting the computer down ,before i become too powerful | |
| @_Hermit_Thrush_ remove | |
| the joke's hall of fame https://t.co/2UDeGMIo6T | |
| ME: ok now do a search of this. "muppet babies theme - backwards, half speed"ALFRED HITCHCOCK: Holy Fuck !! | |
| @JFightsDragons @dirtgrub no woman can handle my post s | |
| album (120 pics) ben stein kissing wife | |
| not many people know this, b ut i actually coined the term "Lunchtime". before then, time and lunch were two entirely immeasurable concepts, | |
| dozens upon dozens of the racist new starbuck cups,. filled with urine and placed all over my computer desk like candles on a satanic altar | |
| looking at some pictures of dracula, | |
| @jakefogelnest i dont like him. i'm just looking at him | |
| https://t.co/qfOQhZyTFX | |
| i feel truly blessed ,knowing that everyone who has spoken ill of my brand is eating bugs in a cold prison cell. | |
| adding "A Touch of Class" to my home by wrapping all of my game's apparatuse's in tinsel | |
| spice up your life by throwing your favorite coffee mug into the garbage | |
| (rreads a series of Enlightened posts and becomes smart)AH. Hm, this is good.(reads a troll post and becomes a dumb ass)Damn Fuck ! | |
| RT @JoeySalads: When u actually find a girl u like and that likes u, but they don't want to get close because they think you will break their heart. | |
| @nataliejmooney its my turds. thank you | |
| people used to jack off to this guy back in the 90s. not me though https://t.co/5lw685mP61 | |
| @YungPrivilege @mould2k @VinceMechman @polyh3dron locking this thread. | |
| two lives? this is fuckinh barbaric https://t.co/xvQqg3d5L0 | |
| researching dynamic, groundbreaking new ways to wipe my ass | |
| Yiou have to be really smart to get 250k followers on here. It doesnt just happen to you if you post false info about your ass for 7 years | |
| i bet half the people posting "Ah!" on here dont even realize its an acronym for "Acknowledged Heartily" | |
| sucking on the same big piece of bread for hours and hours ,. | |
| @neonwario after being normal for several months, i am now back to r*cist. | |
| https://t.co/bj3xiLSoAL | |
| https://t.co/nUpqFZSIEb | |
| 2005 me: who the fuck is martin van buren2015 me: ah yes. DonkeyKongEddie. arrested at gamestop on nov 13 2014, drives a grey honda accord, | |
| @DrPhil please kick my out of control teen's ass | |
| wow.. just watching the cnn channel here.. amazed by how they know all the news so well.. Extraordinary | |
| is @subway really offering a 10% discount to all Muslims who apologize for the attacks... kind of messed up.. | |
| RT @zabraouti: @FoxNewWALMART DISTRICTY MANGERS AGREED WITHME THATWALMART BOOTH DO NOT CONFORM TO HIPPA RULES SO I TOOK MY BUSINESS TO WAL GREEN | |
| torturing my damn dick with corn cob holders in Penance for the foul tone i took with the subway corporation today | |
| @colettelmt im every james bond | |
| sears deparftment store used to be the best place to meet up with the boys. nowadays theyll let just about any piece of shit inside to shop. | |
| sub way is a pedophile... you guys see about this shit ? | |
| @vaaltiel its real | |
| @vaaltiel alright ill fix it soon | |
| this shi t https://t.co/XCWdtFDgaa | |
| Rats Are Life Facebook | |
| (ssees a stock image of a frowning man sitting inside of a doghouse) Hurmph. Asinine. | |
| Unfunny. https://t.co/DiXwd64w3F | |
| (saying loud enough so people can hear) the matrix is the james bond of steam punk | |
| ive never laughged at a piss joke. (sees how impressed everyone is, takes it one step further) in fact, ive never laughed before in my life. | |
| how do you clean a shirt | |
| ignorance... is a fallacy .my dear pals | |
| @hehu42 never Bitch | |
| @Fazio_N @hehu42 for fun | |
| LIKE WANTING TO KNOW WHEN I GET TO SAVE BIG BUCKS FOR PENNYS ON THE DOLLAR AND GET RICH CHEAP | |
| @wormlog thats too much | |
| @shreksghost you need to take all of those cans out and wipe the whole damn thing down with a wet cloth | |
| finger nail check. everyone please post your fingernails right now for my inspection. i will block you if theyre filthy | |
| @nwgoman yoyu appear to be severely ill | |
| @RickyRomero i bet you just went ryour entire life growing out that hair on your ring finger, never thinking to remove it, it sucks | |
| @transbian i see specks of shit on there | |
| @JohnnySqueasel it sucks | |
| @bigshot what is the blue shit i see on them. remove it | |
| @bicyclememes this is photo shop | |
| @shibeboy aguh. lord | |
| all of you people have rat hands. i am going to be fucking sick | |
| @leyawn theres too many of them to block. im gonna lose it | |
| @sadgirlparty mnegative 50 points for trying to trick me with runes | |
| @neonwario https://t.co/tmHRM4Slb7 | |
| https://t.co/xiFXnpmO0B | |
| https://t.co/OdTcDUjzoH | |
| @RebeccaFisher erase | |
| thw most valuable icon on any boys desktop... the famed "My Computer" icon. click that bastard and youre good to go | |
| U cant wear a sword. A sword is not clothes. Yes, A SHeathe, is clothes. The sword goes in the sheath, but that doesnt make it clothes bitch | |
| A gun is not clothes just because you can wear a holster with a gun inside of it. Jesus christ. Shut thhe fuck up about guns being clothes. | |
| if i ge t one more comment about guns being a type of Glove- im spraying the fuse box with a hose until my computer turns off | |
| @machiavellino this is based on nothing . entirely fucked | |
| jacking off.. (lights cigarette, takes a big smoke of it) ..i s a Zero Sum fallacy. a jesters game | |
| some dumb asses of life just need a damn "BRAIN " | |
| #mondaymotivation https://t.co/McTcJcLtoM | |
| rooting through some damn womens' purses. all of the things in these purses suck. i don't give a shit | |
| if someone dressed in cclown makeup came up to me and asked to suck my dick, id naturally assume it's a troll, | |
| enya on full blast.. accessing 100 sites per minute | |
| yes. this guy is me https://t.co/zd2KABfhQQ | |
| becoming incrediblly Spiritual on the computer... holy fuck... | |
| how do i make it so people have to give me money if they want to reply to my posts | |
| @_Hermit_Thrush_ i would charge u double bitch | |
| my uncles caught me searching "can i still join isis if im racist" on the family computer & are now withholding all holiday treats for 2015. | |
| blesssed to have over 200 mannequins propped up around my house in vulgar positions, and the accompanying "Love my manny`s" bumper sticker | |
| i have never condoned "rumpus" | |
| UNCLE: on sept 14 u posted "my dick is not all its cracked up to be." Explain yourself pleaseME: its. a commentary on the economy actually, | |
| my followers will be thrilled to hear that i am wearing a very pleasant pair of jeans while reading a variety of articles, on subjects | |
| i am a chef now folks. im walking around town in my chefs hat like a real dumbass. everyone hopes i get hit by a car | |
| soaking weekly circulars in my own blood and sending them back to Shop-Rite, to teach them a lesson about enticing my wife with bargains | |
| ive been sititng in buffalo wild wings for 3 hrs now, refusing to speak with the waiter because of his vile dry lips. i will win this battle | |
| its fucked up how there are like 1000 christmas songs but only 1 song aboutr the boys being back in town | |
| beer city USA . my friend s | |
| i mailed my detached dick to bolivia to get it enlarged by a professor of Medicine. i am hoping it is returned to me without incident. | |
| @machiavellino never | |
| shooting off automatic rifles making horrible diarrhea shit noises as the recoil makes my tiny dick flop around. hell yeah. thats cool to me | |
| i wish my opinions were good enough to put on bumper stickers, but alas, i can only say "syria is basically road rash 64" using my mouth | |
| ive started bowing my head and saying grace before reading each post on here... "thank you." "thank you for the posts." that sort of thing, | |
| https://t.co/BpoaSkBzNU | |
| judgementle people deserve to be put into a special kind of electric chair which sends then to hell even if theyre good . | |
| pretending not to be mad while the guy in the next stall over takes a big shit while I try to Meditate | |
| @brendlewhat @swarthyvillain @leyawn i will simply leave u to your circle jerk . | |
| i find the private dm chats are an excellent place to "Workshop" my meltdowns & personal attacks against others, before making them public, | |
| spend a lot of time thinking about how sometimes even war criminals can be heroes sometimes... Dont like it? Click the unfollow buttobn | |
| i look very handmsome in my bow tie and suspenders, holding a big red balloon | |
| i can no longer close my eyes. with out seeing a bounty of Farm Fresh groceries being licked by dirty dogs and animals | |
| liberating to have gotten all the joke's out of my system sometime back in 2011 so I can now disseminate serious info to the dumb asses here | |
| cghecking to see if i have the correct wattage on all of my Light bolbs.. now thats a pizza pie #thatsaPizzaPie | |
| @flanaganbennett it depends on the fixture you fucking clod | |
| leaving splinters stuck in your fingers is good. its all protien baby | |
| dont worry ladies, im not one of those"Bros" who talks to girls about sex stuff. anyway, i have an entire bra stuffed in my mouth right now, | |
| Setting aside the dumb ass things of life to focus on the truth of intelligense . | |
| boys im here to tellt you that a high-quality wall paper can make any room look fantastic on the cheap | |
| the worst thing you can do in death is make the R.I.P. on your grave actually stand for Racism Is Power | |
| I shoudl not be expected to put my knee on the ground to propose to a woman, the same ground where the animals shit, | |
| based on a bunch of educated assumptions i've made about weight gain, really obese guys must have like the hugest dicks on the planet | |
| @CeliaPienkosz i cannot be sure. i can only base my claims on various extrapolations as i do not look at naked fat men in my life. | |
| piece of shit https://t.co/OUy5nfQlau | |
| another miserable day of Disappointing my followers https://t.co/jzUBZVostB | |
| #HipHopStarWars please. imn begging you. all girls on this hashtag please send HD pictures of your teeth& gums. please god just give me this | |
| @fittigy what does that mean. why do people send me messages | |
| @1nternetSpades i dont know who that is | |
| @erisu_waito ah, its beautiful, | |
| MustardCynic: this is not True Spicy Brown... this is Treason Brown | |
| https://t.co/dF409CPn5e | |
| AYE... THE OJ SIMPSON VERDICT IS SOMEWHAT SHIT , INNIT!!!!!! | |
| In culture, today, where they have cellphones, it seems, as, though, the most forgotton words in the English language are, "I give a Damn." | |
| yoyu dont choose to be retweeted.. it choose's you | |
| @nataliejmooney @degg @BronzeHammer i fuvked up. this app is garbage. sorry | |
| @nataliejmooney @degg @BronzeHammer anyway I just bought some ice cube trays and a pot at bb&b. they're fine | |
| @nataliejmooney @degg @BronzeHammer i absolutely used a coupon | |
| boy's Rules:1) the only coffee flavored thing should be COFFEE !!2) "Shut Da Fuck Up And Keep Ya Head Down"3) Never consume Oils | |
| i hope to one day eat 10'000 calories a day | |
| @lowtax we cant all be burt fucking milford | |
| @hambeef youwill fucking remove this if you know whats good for you | |
| @neonwario washed my hands of him years ago. | |
| (in worst human voice possible) folks rmember to click that fuckin like & subscribe button and leave a comment below in the fuckin box there | |
| @ADNLpro @neonwario Youre nex't. | |
| @neonwario Barney was actually funny & used fairly adult jokes in the early seasons. After all the teenyboppers latched on; it went to shit. | |
| @brendlewhat @Ulillillysses wasnt enough dipshit | |
| @nataliejmooney calling me a weiner now... i shan't respond to this. | |
| @nataliejmooney fuck ofdf im asleep | |
| https://t.co/LSqsuP9JPM | |
| every now and then i like to treat myself to a bit of "Lying under oath" | |
| mother nature and father time arre not real. theyre fake people who were invented to explain trees and clocks to shitheads | |
| https://t.co/DQPFkd1awi some posting music for all of ya | |
| i just want to find the optimal bra for sniper operations, but everoyne here is so rude, and pieces of shit | |
| when thw pope says mother teresa is a saint.. i say she Ain't! | |
| is mother teresa a saint "No she aint" | |
| mother teresa Aint No Saint, put the green arrows,there, click the heart too | |
| @neonwario i think your jaw should be knocked into the river | |
| this website seems more & more like a place where elitist daddys boys can show off how 'CLEVER" they are, instead of a source for bra advice | |
| @Ketherbound i apologize sir !!!!!!! | |
| im here to tell you that even with 8 kid,s, 6 dogs, debilitating rickets & a filthy waterlogged home, that its still possible to be a Gamer | |
| wife put me in the dog house agauin for failing to get the blue checkmark... and people ask me why im mgtow pua... | |
| just spent the last 10 minutes fishing a pubic hair out of the toilet to avoid any nasty phone calls from the boys at the sewage plant | |
| https://t.co/RPG40RWHnX | |
| @beiua all my vines are me | |
| https://t.co/zfynN54ggk | |
| mystical truth Teller https://t.co/Q5XCIgvPsQ | |
| i will die for my belief that Beer is "The drink of summer" | |
| https://t.co/P0oCc1TDgJ | |
| i have spent the last 9 yrs writing countless papers on the subject of Followback Culture. The quality of my life has suffered immeasurably. | |
| FOOL: Beer is not the tdrink of summer. It can be enjoyed all year roundME: Beer is the drink of summer. | |
| RT @cctexan3: @pussdaddyblogs I m sorry, I mistyped your user name. Do not post to me or attack me in here or other places of my accounts. thank you | |
| the mayor threatens to replace one letter of the english language with the Swastika for each week that his wooden leg is not returned to him | |
| @_Hermit_Thrush_ Pldease just fav me if you enjoyed the tweet. I dont have the time to read the replies | |
| anguished imbecile pukes up a surprisingly intact mcgriddle while planting an IED in front of best buy | |
| turning my headlights off when driving at night,.. so that my Rivals cannot see me | |
| Bllesed https://t.co/jeNcO69XGL | |
| sometimes its good to just wipe your ass, | |
| @nataliejmooney i piss into my hands and carry it until i can find a basin | |
| @nataliejmooney i found a basin. its you | |
| @nataliejmooney hitler | |
| in another life...i would make U stay.. https://t.co/5YnhlziWRQ | |
| @adivingstation bi g fan of his work. loved casino and good fellas | |
| @bashfulcoward @fart is it this https://t.co/zeCowPurqg | |
| Numerous hospitals no longer make a Baby New Year public due to concerns that the infant will become a target for criminals.[13] | |
| that smug prick baby new year th e piece of shit. ill throw him from my truck the dumb ass mother fucker | |
| youre fit for 2015 #yourFitOf2015 https://t.co/V65O4BIXf9 | |
| dont know why they deleted this https://t.co/YO4wLcdMvu | |
| @nataliejmooney pathetic of you to back stab me for clicks. | |
| accidentally brought my piss detector into the mens room again and cowered beneath a sink as the deafening screech echoed off the hard tile | |
| shame on dailymail & nydailynews for posting my racist ball screenshot without giving credithttps://t.co/tDHQ9W1M5fhttps://t.co/lHrGYPCGld | |
| @mellow_lello i would never photo shop anything, espiecally when it comes to damn fucked up things like racism. this is a serious account | |
| me and SnakeMom1956 are in love and we are laughing at all of th e people who think that our flintstones themed wedding is a sham | |
| https://t.co/MiCuyzkkJt | |
| if you want to make someone on this website really mad, accuse them of poisoning the animals they care for #workseveryDamntime #TheMaster | |
| @nataliejmooney it's pronounced "yoh-gert" | |
| i fear that if the 10k character limit is enacted my trolls will post ascii middle fingers that are elaborate & beautiful enough to kill me | |
| the best part of winning the power ball lottery has got to be getting my hands on some of that Green stuff also known as money. | |
| COMPUTER.. FED EX ME A PRINT OUT OF ALL MY GIRL FOLLOWERS SORTED BY THEIR DEVOTION TO CHRISTCOMPUTER... GET ME THE BULE CHECK MARK A.S.A.P. | |
| @machiavellino im going to put my boots on you | |
| @machiavellino Dont postshit me. | |
| @machiavellino my alerts are already hell. this is the pain we must endure | |
| DOCTOR: you cant keep doing this to yourself. being The Last True Good Boy online will destroy you. you must stop posting with honorME: No, | |
| slin jim | |
| its no secret that i sometimes have to scold my hare brained followers rirght in their goofy fucking faces to keep them in line | |
| Some crap is simply to be put into the dumpster . | |
| i don't have time ot actually read you peoples posts, but ive been evaluating your engagement metric's and they look like Shit... | |
| pal the only "meltdown" im having is my ice cream melting down into my hand while I lay on the beach & laugh while thinking about the trolls | |
| Im going to shut the computer off until people learn to be more mature about life. In tge mean time, suck my dick | |
| @sofieok @machiavellino grow up,.. | |
| @sofieok @machiavellino dont @ me | |
| looking at my own dick in 3d | |
| @911VICTIM i cant. its an illusion | |
| @CeliaPienkosz you've ruined my life. Thank you | |
| respect me.. respect my #Setup https://t.co/FuGceQtgUW | |
| @MrKerij Beer is the drink of summer. But it can be enjoyed during the other seasons, in moderation. | |
| up until I was about 17 i believed that bugs were baby rats | |
| ah, aint it funny that folks these days are washing childrens mouths out with soap.. when they should be washing their mouths out with Hope, | |
| life is aobut too many chairs. you got the tv chair, dinner table chair, the dentists chair, electric chair... thats too many. Tone it down | |
| @brendlewhat @BronzeHammer sensing some deep-seated resentment over here, | |
| while you were watching the teen choice awards, i was watching the classic episodes of the teen choice awards from back when they were good. | |
| @pilarrianne1700 this post is 2 years old. ive since lost custody of my children and my wife left me. still wild about candles | |
| https://t.co/etvNvCNWt3 | |
| argh.. (shakes fist) Damn you White people !! ha ha, but seriously though, most whites are actually highly intelligent, and resourceful, | |
| @sofieok its actually so good, | |
| MOST HATED FOODS., 50) PAPA JOHNS ORIGINAL FAMOUS CHEMTRAIL PANZEROTTI 49) THE DEMERITORIOUS DOLLAR NINETY NINE McDIAPER....... MORE TO COME | |
| @BaltimorePolice going to have to unfollow you, for arresting me | |
| if you say the words "Room temperature" to me ill flip my lid. room temp varies depending on the room. youre talking shit out of your mouth. | |
| i will soon be leaking a list of the people who sent me really concerned DMs when i posted that jacking off too much makes your dick smaller | |
| "horny" has killed more people than all the volcanos on earth combined | |
| none of you are educated in anything, youre all pricks, your dms suck, yoyure terrible at trying to engage my brand like normal human beings | |
| https://t.co/HKA8TRWkln | |
| @kolbidoss i have a phd in advanced chemicals., but Thanks. | |
| @YankeeReddevil steven wrong | |
| i hold this truth , im just an average joe trying to do my messages here, and i dont have time for fellas who want to take a big crap on me. | |
| im a monk in real life, the matrix is real and hummingbirds and other really fast animals are proof positive that bullet time eixists | |
| youll never shut me the fuck up , no matter how many times you unfollow me, you will never shut me the fuck upon here!! get lost Cyber scum! | |
| excuse me sir, i couldnt help but notice that youre in need of a thorough explanation of kegel exercise. ok, it's basically psychic jelqing, | |
| FUCK OFF https://t.co/iLaBpmVtG6 | |
| @BronzeHammer draculas politics are actually really good to me you scum bag | |
| enjoying some fucked up thoughts of some boys enjoying the real counter culture shit... such as drinking coffee, and being glad it's friday | |
| entertaining twisted thoughts of putting bull shit on the back burner | |
| twiitter dot com baby... the inmates are running the damn asylum.. AND IT THINK THAT IT IS GOOD...!! #StartupIndia | |
| im not horny but, lets face the facts people... if youre a girl im gonna click on ya | |
| fuck it, ill just come out and say that i think "Iceberg lettuce" is just aobut the worst name you can come up w/ for a damn type of lettuce | |
| @alliepaca "Green lettuce" | |
| @KeeganBaca its not that number anymore. you may re tweet it now. | |
| @DigimonOtis Shut the fuck up | |
| https://t.co/xR2ejyQiPK | |
| rt if you think that "Coors Light Cold Hard Facts" is the "Chevy Clubhouse" of "Dilfer's Dimes" | |
| heated debate https://t.co/gsIzuzGz15 | |
| @bashfulcoward @adultblackmale we odnt post the word "you" anymore in 2016. | |
| martin luther king did not have a favorite type of lunchables. absolutely ridiculous and inappropriate. @kraftfoods please delete | |
| got about 50000 posts to catch up on here... thats so many.. thank you my sweet boys | |
| get one of those bill gates tubes that turns piss to water, load a big fat backpack with treats, cut the cord, pull the plug, fuck the grid, | |
| @neonwario today i will be making a bowl of "Home Made" guacamole, with, you guessed it, chips. | |
| my most famous tweet, entitled "Jacking off at the Dog Kennel," has earned over ten billion engagements & was retweeted by stephen spielberg | |
| which 46% of you mother fuckers arent buying soap https://t.co/mbTQvI9lVe | |
| @barrelshifter this account is the Curse of my life | |
| @hirsutebikini thats disgusting | |
| more harmful to our web than any computer virus... sick thought's and selfish attitude... pass it on boys... | |
| U have to listen to this song "Signs" by the five man electrical band... the guy is just owning the fuck out of all these signs, it's insane | |
| DiscussingRealityIntelligentlyLife | |
| #ToTheGirls2016 im intelligent & clean boy. i have the trigger dicispline of a lion. ive used Torture to cure myself of all mental illness. | |
| @astral_irwin its real | |
| @sofieok @astral_irwin @sleepygrl94 @tiffaynay i dont know who all these fucked up people are!! im sorry! im so sorry!! | |
| RT @haley_tack: I will never be racist...I have so much respect for every single race & their culture 🙌 | |
| RT @MikeeeWazowski_: Something of me , I will never be racist. | |
| RT @boffy15: I will never be racist I'm proud off that | |
| im known to "Trick or Treat" from my neighbors mail boxes. they love it and it drives them wild. And it`s a bit of fun | |
| Looking to the day when the World Wide Web matures to become into the World Wise Web. | |
| RT @chuckwoolery: Truth to a #ProgressiveLiberal is like SATL TO A SLUG! | |
| sick of seeing "Snark" on my feed regarding our nation's presidential candidates. i will be voting for all of them because they seem nice | |
| first day i got online on a man named Mumbai_Eddie accused me of having diarrhea, so i detached my modem and put it in the sink for 8 years | |
| just read something fucked up... Not a single picture of stonehenge exists. | |
| will try to become less of an Ape on the day of holy sabbath | |
| i spend a lot of time reading the constatution of the united states of america while grinning ear to ear | |
| im the boss of Mensa. every time i close my eyes i have visions of going berserk and spitting on a human face until it is unrecognizasble | |
| Fucking yes this . Friendlys has a meatball bar | |
| the big seat of my sweat pants sagging beneath the weight of globs of neosporin as i waddlle my fuckface ass off to the impound lot | |
| ah.. why is it that computers can send hateful commentary thorugh the modem... but weren't designed to send something nice.. like a Song | |
| i shant say more of it . https://t.co/wUSQGubk3B | |
| RT @kinectmethod: Thinking people should stop counting calories and start counting chemicles. | |
| (Becomes upset by an unsolicited mention of Beetle Bailey on twitter feed, and punishes followers by refusing to post an update for 30mins.) | |
| https://t.co/SxADN7Gjwd | |
| my favorite tv show characters are "The good guys". My least favorite characters are "The villains" | |
| THINKING ABOUT WHEN DID "IN GOD WE TRUST" BECOME " WOULD YOU LIKE FRIES WITH THAT" | |
| @BreakingNews please make a Nude one | |
| has any one ever noticed that the good spiderman movies are the ones for adults, and the bad spiderman movies are the ones for children | |
| girlsl... i shall virtuously employ the expansive breadth of my tech wisdom to protect you all from Daesh... even if you dont follow me... | |
| got one of th ose steering wheels you control with your mouth so i can dual wield on the road. top secret technology for friends of police, | |
| While your were busy all discussing the black celebrity's ass, i just constructed an authentic Christian abacus using fine tumbled stones | |
| 1) wise the fuck up,2) put the same amount of days in all the months3)people need to put on the damn thinking caps4) im boycotting months | |
| donald trump is the best man for the job... and for that he has earned my vote. however, i believe he needs to "Check his priviledge" | |
| they say zika virus is the Bastard of 2016, but that distinction must go to my infamous folowers, who i consider to be "Dumber than Dogshit" | |
| ME: mr cruise..im also a celeb. i invented the phrase "Barney sucks"TOM: wow... that phrase is so good, i must use it at least once per day | |
| looks like im forced to address false rumors that i own 3 dildos on a shelf labelled "breakfast" "lunch" & "dinner". this is an absurdity . | |
| taking the lords name in vein... #inspire https://t.co/Zv7CuAGiNH | |
| sometimes it seems to me that it is a bit good to say that we could not do our posts without using none other than the humble computer chip. | |
| -windows covered in trash bags-arbitrarily sorting the contents of my snack Pack-pumping racist apps into my nokia at Lightspeed-frowning | |
| "i wish they got, WiFi down here" - guy who died in the paris catacombs | |
| fuckin Wade https://t.co/gv0cmmnC1C | |
| take ntoe Hollywood: these superbowl ads teach us we can create compelling visual content better than any movie, WITHOUT resort to Vulgarity | |
| an Oscar category for super bowl ads in the future?? perhaps in a less judge mental world, | |
| @THEmanimalistic Fuck you mother fucker | |
| RAT CHECK... unfollow me ,if youre a sleazy low down RAT!!!!!!!! i will knock your block off, I respect honor, Truth in words and action. | |
| @rigamarock @bug_data @adultblackmale Hurr dee durr . https://t.co/5dUy9nuUsR | |
| @DavisMets GET THE FUCK OFF OF HERE | |
| shut the fuck up and kick my ass | |
| (looking into a big toilet filled with shit , piss and toilet paper, shaking my head) this is fucking stupid. hardly worth my time | |
| https://t.co/hhgYfh8ZqT | |
| i enjoy a bit of "Humour" every now and then, but people seriously need to sotp tying me to a chair and injecting me with unknown substances | |
| someone please get me in touch with the little boy who died & went to heaven. i want to astral project him into my ex-wifes castle for intel | |
| U cant even get a good "Shoe Shine" anymore—the guy just keeps trying to put his mouth on my dick. Is this a Thing now. Is this a Problem | |
| please dm my agent if you wish to Banter with me in the mentions, so he can send you the proper paperwork. im extremely tired of this shit. | |
| I mdade $400000 just by typing the words "Simpson and garfunkel" back in 2011 and u have the gall to @ me w/ ur little 200 ass follower acct | |
| @StaggMack wow , another bernie bro coming after me just because im posting the truth into their shitty little lives. you Lose bitch | |
| @StaggMack you soudn like a nerd | |
| @StaggMack Puerto Rican Pisser | |
| @StaggMack dont do this stag mack | |
| @StaggMack he blocked me because of this one. | |
| the prophecy fulfilledhttps://t.co/H1erJV4KBShttps://t.co/MOpYkwDKmE | |
| MYTH: my posts are for the PauperREALITY: my posts are for the Prince | |
| @sofieok @sleepygrl94 @InvestInDenim @ellenfromnowon i shooed a young trans person away from my garbage with a broom | |
| id like to report a hacker. he offered me 1000000 to show my dick and didnt cough up the dough when i delivered the goods. i got hacked | |
| i just thoughgt about those commercials with the stupid fucking mouth in the dishwasher that begs for jet dry & ripped a door off its hinges | |
| scenario: the duishwasher mouth starts up in some dumb ass baby voice. "GIMME SUM JET DRY!!" i unload my .480 ruger into it without Emotion, | |
| Closing my account until all of the pro jet-dry kiddies go to bed. You people are animals. Hopeless brutes | |
| @nataliejmooney i think he belongs in the paddy wagon with the rest of the looney tunes | |
| the pursuit of having trhe nicest opinions online... is the only thing that separates us from the god damn animals. the sole reason we exist | |
| thhere is no such thing as charisma, and art is fake. the only metrics by which we must determine the worth of a man are Strength and Wisdom | |
| i will not let anyone touch my pitbuls unless they are wearing a collared shirt | |
| i hope you all enjoyed my latest Sets (posts) | |
| IN OUR LIFETIMES... "GOODBYE" TO MOUTH WASH | |
| ELLEN: But what you're most known for is your use of the infamous N-WordENTICED AUDIENCE: Wooo !!ME: ahh!! ya got me! | |
| let me be very clear: i would rather attend a Pig's wedding than attempt to sift through the dumpster you people have made out of my dm box, | |
| if i saw someon e on the street wearing a dunce cap, i would challenge him to my famous Three Trials of wisdom, and soundly defeat him | |
| death https://t.co/7vGn40uZCX | |
| why even bother learning how to hack when i can just have my enemies accounts removed by accusing them of conspiring to piss on grumpy cat | |
| good to have Options https://t.co/3vKXg8pEIR | |
| in 2020 police technology will allow criminals to choose between "hot jail" and "cold jail" | |
| barby dolls are worthless to me | |
| for all you twitter birds out there.. a fun idea ive been throwin around: lets make the front page to "WILD WEST" theme..Huh! only on Friday | |
| givign my social security number to the valentines day app to find out which idiot wants to see my dick the most | |
| someone please. ive bitten into a nasty apple and I don't know how to spit things out of my mouth. ivr never spit before and i need help | |
| paper is a liquid #TheThursdayMorningRamble | |
| https://t.co/iKYM0jDKrz this is the most vile thing to be put on tv | |
| im going to get shit on a lot for posting this but i dont care https://t.co/BPuMWfWaow | |
| 20 treats = 1 snack3 snacks = 1 meal3 meals = Boys Daily Intake180 Treats = Boys Daily Intake1 Treat = 1 Goody60 Goody's = 1 meal | |
| @snake_memes no questions at this time | |
| a boss should be allowed to kick his employees asse's. key to his workers house so he can just come in and start wailing anytime #bottomword | |
| people who like to say "Ba ba ba ba " at me <<<< People who hand me their wallet | |
| the first step to becoming a Millionaire is to acquire one hundred dollars | |
| stumbling through war torn syria with my pants down, begging everyone around me not to feed the trolls | |
| @CeliaPienkosz never | |
| ill never rinse my farm fresh vegetables. its the responsibility of the greengrocer to rinse my God damn food and if i get poisoned so be it | |
| we all know the famous "Five Second Rule"... if you dont throw dropped food in the trash within five seconds it unleashes toxic spores | |
| THRIEE SIMPLE RULES FOR SPEAKING TO ME OF MY AFFAIRS REGARDING MY INTERACTIONS WITH MY LAWYER'S... STAND DOWN !! GET IN LINE !! FUCK OFF !! | |
| sorry couldnt hear ya over $ rustling about in my wallet. money i saved by subverting toothbrushes. sucking the toothpaste tube like a cock, | |
| i propose a Bussiness offer of the boy who says"Damn daniel".. i should like for him to grace the company of me & my wife, for twelve jewels | |
| listen fuck wit. if you dont want me pissng all down the floor and the walls of your public restroom then make the urinals. bigger | |
| sorry to all crooks, hucksters, cronies, and phonies... but in this, our year of 2016, police man is sitll king, and the jail, his Kingdom ! | |
| vision's... https://t.co/CTVJLWTTj2 | |
| @DougLipson i can confirm today... that dilfers a Dud | |
| https://t.co/O1R95ncxIE | |
| #NationalPigDay no. this is crap . the pig will never have his day. i demand that the "Pig" surrenders this filthy assault on our calendars. | |
| while youre all bowing to the Pig Industrial Complex on false holiday #NationalPigDay,. i will be observing pictures of the noble bull moose | |
| U Have Forced Me To Take Extreme Measures To Protect My Business And My Lifestyle. I Now Refuse To Open A Single Email Until April The 12th. | |
| attn Waiters: giving me one of the free pens from TD Bank ruins the experience of signing my check. it is a slap in the face. A death threat | |
| https://t.co/DMMlkeyYuQ | |
| huaw yeah you gotta try this shit... just boil the macaroni in the same pot as the spaghetti ... this is called the famous "Double pasta" | |
| get me on some ghostboster sites | |
| Q: Whats ur least favorite finger to be flipped off withA: the middle one. it pisses me off way more than the other fingers. drives me nuts | |
| if it werent for the sport of hockey, nobody would give a shit about pucks | |
| Im online at the computer, ready to post pitures of my new sandwich, and ive got a hankering for my ass to get kicked | |
| before i drop 20.99 on these bad boys..can anyone tell me if im at risk of being murdered by the nsa if i wear these https://t.co/J5szdlX4wu | |
| aangry bird's.. a Corrupted brand. keep far away | |
| looking for some open comment sections in marine corps training vids to post racist shit on | |
| it was always my idea to fill all the fire engnies with shit and piss to save water. the mayor stole it and planted a bomb in my car | |
| crapping fuck... 900 pictures of guns that you absolutely Must see | |
| (me in prone position while having my house swatted again) officer if u could please just slip the rest of that campbells chunky in my mouth | |
| #SaySomethingGoodAboutTwitter you can easily remove it from your screen by clicking the x | |
| imagnie a world where us Common folk are given the blue checkmark and the CELEBs are left out to dry!! Hows that feel, HUh?! Answer me punks | |
| cant wait to hurl them at my foes https://t.co/VS3Mw5ic9j | |
| @dwayne_2016 the trolls are also in full bloom as well i see , | |
| @jakefogelnest @Cryptoterra He thinks it's Cute to come into my mentions and lord his "Hollywood Elite" blood capital over me and my boys | |
| stealing valor by purchasing fraudulent military gear from etsy,. parading my insane loadouts in front of our vets as they hurl abuse at me, | |
| -racist,-unsanitary condittions (animal near food)- fake holiday-ill eviscerate this pic further at a later time. https://t.co/ycauu88vTY | |
| " the bitch of bluejeans" https://t.co/TiJs0ly8kr | |
| i couldnt help but notcie you besmirching my nephews Banksy Valhalla, Jordian Computer, Holstein Paypal, and last but not lease, paper mario | |
| please read my longform treatise "The Arrogance Of Burger King" available only on my new $70/month content streaming platform "ShitWire Pro' | |
| @nataliejmooney delete this smartass | |
| @nataliejmooney im mashing the mute block and report buttons all at once with my big red palms | |
| AS J. BOND HOLDS IN HIS POSSESSION THE FAMOUS "LISCSENSE TO KILL," I MYSELF HAVE LICSENSE TO TOUCH AS MANY GRAPES AS I PLEASE W/O BUYING ANY | |
| NETWORKING IN HOME MARKETS SUCCESS SEMINAR HOSTED BY JAMES BOND HIMSELF? OH YEAH. IM IN. BUT IM GOING TO NEED YOU TO DRIVE ME THERE | |
| THEY SAY A NEW BOND ACTOR IS CHOSEN OUT OF RESPECT EVERY TIME THE REAL LIFE JAMES BOND DIES, AND HELL, FROM WHERE IM SITTING IT CHECKS OUT | |
| FULLY PREPARED TO TAKE A HIT IN THE OLD FOLLOWER COUNT TO BECOME AN ALL CAPS, ALL BOND ACCOUNT. LIVE THE DREAM. PURGE THOSE BOZOS | |
| i tell you folks this damn itunes is something that you cant figure out unless you are a nasa guy | |
| https://t.co/kwVI4obiz4 | |
| Former U.S. first lady Nancy Reagan (R) joined by daughter Patti Davis at the premiere of the film "Stuart Little 2" https://t.co/43kfKiOtma | |
| @CeliaPienkosz this is uttlery disgraceful | |
| glorious crime spree after being fired from wal mart., expertly hopping fences, chugging all the seeds out of my neighbors bird feeders, | |
| pleased to announce that i am pissed off due to Stress,. and the Block All Girls initiative is now officially underway. | |
| tarzan is garbage. he sucks more than anything. people need to stop encouraging his shit by making films of him. go home tarzan. fuck tarzan | |
| "tarzan of the apes" will never become a Turner Classic Movie. shoddy premise. people find pictures of a man yelling in the woods disgusting | |
| @chiiidog @sofieok @adultblackmale @JugHooter @AgiIeTabIet @whereiscooldude @mattytalks @bitchmale if any of you have me blocked please dont | |
| RT @Bobwalk14196045: Bob walker ive had a farm tractor hit from behing man going 70 mile perhour drug me 50 yards broke 3 picies walked away | |
| RT @Bobwalk14196045: Bob walker if gov don t cut. Off head why were 15000 getareens shiped to alanta ga and another 15000 shiped to n dacta fox reported two year | |
| RT @Bobwalk14196045: Bob walker its donald trump doing those things im just die hArd trump man | |
| RT @Bobwalk14196045: Trump man | |
| @dwayne_2016 @realDonaldTrump Leave him alone. | |
| #truth #fact... it is proven that about 80% of people online are violent murderers. wow thats so many. be safe my beloved followers | |
| im being evicted from my home for saying that kfc should sell hamburgers on a public log, and being a general "Dumb Ass" when it comes to IQ | |
| guy walking around flaunting his mittens around. claiming that nothings better than mittens. i show him my gloves and he flips the fuck out | |
| Leut me make this clear: gloves are Next-Gen mittens , mittens are trash, i will never wear a mitten, i will take down anyone whos mad at me | |
| Quick Thinking: Area Man Saves Own Life By Making A Bra Out Of Two Diapers | |
| my sources tell me that people are allowed to say the word "ass" on HBO. can anyone confirm this | |
| im a marine & accomplished scholar. my sons were alchemized into helicopter fuel to serve their armed brothers. how dare u post penis to me. | |
| (poking head up from self suck) augh this tastes like dog shit (goes back for more) | |
| @BAKKOOONN this is photo shop | |
| Sovereign Citizens Getting Owned Compilation | |
| https://t.co/JgzWL9be4v | |
| https://t.co/o8tH6Rqam8 | |
| https://t.co/mRy6WSRsmo | |
| https://t.co/4TjAQo4iJt | |
| https://t.co/2GPjrwfUed | |
| https://t.co/tLpgoqqsaY | |
| user named " beavis_sinatra " has been terrorizing me since 2004, by sending me pictures of cups that are too close to the edge of the table | |
| helping the waitstaff by wiping the table down with the same disgusting napkin that I just used to sop up all the bullshit off my face | |
| first you have democrats and rtepublicans. theyre basically the same thing. then you have green party and uh, the whigs. theyre the same too | |
| (browsing the secret arbys menu that only boys can look at) ah., lets see, ill take one Spicy Onion Concerto with a dollop of SmartCorn™ | |
| gonna fill up on milk shakes and do some open carry off the grid | |
| fuck the grid | |
| @lowtax that house is clearly on the grid. it sucks | |
| ME: COMPUTER... SORT THE POSTS ON THIS SITE FROM LEAST TO MOST RACISTCOMPUTER: YES MASTERME: COMPUTER... PLEASE DO NOT CALL ME THAT | |
| @nataliejmooney im one of the friday night lights, from the title | |
| really hoping that someday my wife will surprise me by sending me a picture of my own dick | |
| @Murkax i lvove falling off the guard tower | |
| Was Going To Send Ur ScreenPlay To Mr Scorcese Until I Found Out U Were Part Of The Failshit Brigade Who Mocked My Seashell Necklace In 2010 | |
| All music made past the year 1969 is rap. (sseals self in rebuttal proof chamber for 100 years) | |
| had mny scholarship revoked because of my bumbling 15 tweet routine about how isis attacked the airport because they hate brussel sprouts | |
| YES, my dick is shaped like an extremely small snail's shellNO, you may NOT suck it, | |
| dropping some more Asexual Nudes into the cloud, to show the girls and the trolls how clean my body is, from years of washing | |
| id like to muse upon a scenario i came up with just now. a DUMB ASS visits a restaurant, after reading a poor review of it in the newspaper | |
| we need less mayors and more sayers (of truth ) | |
| the $100000 pyramid is actually fairly fucking cheap for a pyramid | |
| https://t.co/aqZE9yG4t8 | |
| when people ask me who my favorite comedian is.. i invoke that wacked weatherman "AL GURE" and get one million dollars worth of retweets | |
| putting the vacuum on my dick until I stop hearing crumbs go down the tube | |
| Tjhis guy fucking sucks https://t.co/ZL67sQF6zm | |
| people pay good money to stamp your mail. if you refuse to take the time to thoroughly digest every piece of mail you receive, you are a Cur | |
| GEN X'ER: Help im shitting on my pantsME: They have this invention called "toilet" now. Maybe if you hang up the cell phone yould know this | |
| the thing i accidentally posted earlier about putting my used condoms in the dishwasher was a virus. my subsequent meltdown was also a virus | |
| my work day consists of my bosses trying to goad me into my cubicle so that i'll just sit in there & jack off isntead of ruining the company | |
| if i catch you taking " SELFIE " at my used car dealership ( BEST deals in the tri-state area) i will shell you from the rear like a coward | |
| i did not say that the kid from jungle 2 jungle should be sent to Guantanamo bay, i just said it wouldn't be racist if he was | |
| despite everything, i am still looking forward to the release of the sequel, "jungle 3 jungle," which was delayed to 2038 because of trolls. | |
| @neonwario you;ve fucked up now | |
| i am a classically tragic dumb ass hwo has the burger king logo imprinted in my brain like a baby bird to its mother | |
| @adultblackmale thats why they named the restaurant that | |
| please bring your rats to the new castle flea market so I may bless/heal them. ill be sitting in a lawn chair wearing a stolen priest outfit | |
| weeping because of my heroic burden... spending my last dollae at dairy queen to support girl businesses... chowing down between the tears.. | |
| whose idea was to call it "Ice cream parlor" and not "Scoop Kitchen" ?? lets get this joke viral and show my ex-wife landlord whos boss | |
| i am developing a ground brekaing new app called "MOneyWallet", where you earn "Money Points" by mailing cash to my house | |
| tiodays FunQuote: "Dont forget the WiFi" #FunQuote | |
| some times.. the smartest people you know, are Geniuses | |
| LOVELY GIRL FOLLOWER: hey.. i noticed you posted 3 barbed remarks about game stop in a row.. is everything ok?ME: NO, everything is NOT ok, | |
| when MetalGearEric told his 36 followers i have "A Poor Man's Micropenis" and none of my so called allies stepped in to defend my honuor.... | |
| im just about to say that if you come in to the kfc support forum w/ a name like "crisp_Kyle" you can go right ahead & click that logout tab | |
| Every Time I read a new Tweet on my time line. My IQ increases by One Point. | |
| i` ve long supported the classic "One Tooth" rule, which states that every time you make a bad post you should have one of your teeth pulled | |
| damn it to piss. my wife replaced all of my anti-wife reading materials with Pro-Wife bullshit | |
| wife hall of Fame https://t.co/UqTGjtNupd | |
| PRIEST: in the name of the father...ME: Yes. GoodPRIEST: ...the son..ME: Great. Go on. keep em cominPRIEST: ..and the Holy SpiritME: No | |
| RT @shamlanirani: nuthig i am looking married fatt girl i am 47yers old man | |
| @machiavellino photo's shop | |
| https://t.co/gxXH54o3Bg | |
| id like a few words with this prick https://t.co/QH016dazoq | |
| spending my entire police shift downloading apps where you smear simulated dog shit all ovefr the screen and becoming completely a dumb ass | |
| ST PETER: on march 14 2024 you posted simply the words "james earl bond". hope the 34 favs were worth it idiotME: They were bitch | |
| RT @stevencgray34: @hensawaycom hi me and some mates are willing to be nude waiters for any hen dos and I mean totally nude no aprons like nude butlers | |
| https://t.co/xkmSFpIBj9 | |
| (sniffing a crumpled up one dollar bill i found on the floor of a dog kennel) ah.. thats greenbacks baby | |
| will not be making any new posts until the 5G Network has been officially rolled out. 4g doesn't cut it anymore. fail to see the point . | |
| my being a shit head can be traced back to boys school, when i was expelled for using the headmaster's computer to search ebay for " LUNCH " | |
| (steps out onto the podium for the annual delivery of his Most Hated "State of the Arbys" address) the state of the Arby's... is strong... | |
| images leaked of WildArmsGarret , trusted consigliere of DigimonOtis, taking a bath in one of those old fashioned metal wash tubs | |
| youre all a Dog of the Coward's order. ill take you across my knee and slap yopur Ass., i will "GIVE UM HELL" as ordred by the great general | |
| my greatest sin is that I've utterly betrayed my "NO FEAR" tower decal by being embarrassingly frightened of birds and butter flies | |
| eating a single Dorito on a bed of Jasmine Rice | |
| i wont say more of this. but a couple of the big accounts on here have been souporting swearing culture, by posting swears to the time line. | |
| peppercorn ranch & buttermilk ranch... one of these is good, the other is completely Fucked, and its not my responsibility to tell you which | |
| @Deathcap_CBR https://t.co/IaVAQMCL70 | |
| ive heard from a reliable source that people arre putting their lips on to my girl friends avatars and going "muah muah muah." cut it out | |
| theres no space in the title you shit mouthts. it's one word, it's always been one word, it will forever be "Topgun." i will not delete this | |
| @cbranch89 THEY MOST CERTAINLY, ARE NOT ! | |
| i do not delete my posts. deleting my posts would be akin to razing Abraham Lincolns famous log cabin, just because the trolls are mad at it | |
| Q: If your post was proven by a counsil of wise men to be racist, or bullshit, would you bar it from the record?A: I do not delete my posts | |
| @Arr did you just rob a bank by threatening to open a bottle of diarrhea | |
| presented with out comment . https://t.co/VNyp4qja2q | |
| can anyone tell me if this is good or not. if this sort of thing is frowned upon i will stop immediately https://t.co/neyx6Usg7V | |
| Removing the battery from my phone until the time line becomes less toxic. | |
| @arsenicalice we had 2 cuts of ribeye, a salt shaker half full of salt, a quart of wine, and a whjole galaxy of multi-colored bibs, napkins, | |
| @RhythmBastard @Uptomyknees taken to task by the ryhthm bastard | |
| @SamAkemi699 jacking off | |
| @CeliaPienkosz cheers and thank you | |
| @neonwario Risto's Whiff . | |
| @neonwario https://t.co/JFLbIcxrFG | |
| checked my inbox for 2 seconds & immediately saw a genital. could not parse which type of genital it was before tossing my phone out the car | |
| online is where i go to get my A B C's... Abused By Cretins | |
| Just met w/ Boys Lunch Club. Seems to me, That we are very pissed off that teen girls would rather kiss, "Soldier Boy," than Actual Soldiers | |
| You need at least $100 to join Boys Lunch Club. I will count all of the money in your wallet, so do not try to join if you do not have $100. | |
| @DinkMagic Watch it. | |
| just doing some nude sunbathing in this gender neutral target restroom. i hope i dont get my dick sucked | |
| the girls on this site constantly beg me to show them a picture of the clothes i wear while posting. this is them. https://t.co/1EUP0gwFq4 | |
| @vegetablefarmer @whereiscooldude @InsaneFeelsGuy sorry. couldn't see it behind the card I was holding up. https://t.co/T5D6MrcLg1 | |
| https://t.co/MD3dVHMMln | |
| https://t.co/yC3kIVaWsf | |
| RT @gender: A small mercy is like a summer breeze. | |
| 1989: the fall of the berlin wall is celebrated, historically revered2016: i tear down the sneeze guard at old country buffet and get Booed | |
| Downlioading 6 Terabytes Of Info On Deal's | |
| Coward-Centric Platform twitter, removing user handles from character limit, giving the repliers more ammunition with which to shit on me, | |
| "ah boo hoo hoo i want to post Foul comments to content leaders" Fat Chance, Dimwit. I will annihilate you under bulwark of the Law and God. | |
| https://t.co/eCJ4Ghrvtc | |
| @barrelshifter let;s be inclusive | |
| i help every body, im not racist, i keep myself nice, and when i ask for a single re-tweet in return i am told to fuck off, fuck myself, etc | |
| kneading my dick and nuts like a wad of dough on a bench at pay less shoe store. i do not appear to be enjoying myself. im frowning actually | |
| https://t.co/UJUrQR3BZv | |
| https://t.co/IM6YhW3wDS | |
| back in the dog house after the wife caught me photo shopping her into vintage car ads | |
| oh u think this is funny mother fucker?(Kills ape) YOu consider this comedy? (kills naother ape) and my Missing Plane jokes are bad? Yeah ok | |
| my entire face turns purple as i try to enjoy my cup of monday coffee while all my coworkers rush into my office to watch me fail once again | |
| stunning: mindful adult , decked out in complete set of riot gear - takes out entire stampede of horses using wisdom and tactic's | |
| im the guy who gets really upset about people not putting their real names on here. im also mad at State Farm Insurance for not being a farm | |
| INTERVIEWER: we looked you up. you dont even have a twitter account, which is goodME: Actually i was suspended for posting "Gumby shit ass" | |
| examining the Ape Case: perhaps many are mirthful of its death as apes are akin to Golems & Vampires, cinematic villains of the classic era, | |
| I TELL YA IT NEVER FAILS !! WENT TO GET MY MAIL AND A HIPSTER HIT ME WITH THE STRONGEST STREAM OF URINE I EVER SAW ! KNOCKED ME ON MY DUFF ! | |
| For your Friday Enjoyment; A "Shit List" of folks I've banned from my Radio Shack: Monica Louinsky, The Honey Boo Boo, Octo Mom, & "Snooki". | |
| the other day a trolling Shit sent me the message, "Googoo Gaagaa ". Twitter has indeed threatened to close my account if i dont retweet him | |
| was a tad dismayed to find a Rat Brain in my favorite KFC Snacker Meal, B ut the friendly cashier assured me it was merely Intestinal Matter | |
| A MERE Musing From A Troubled Husband, Strengthened Through Time: "Let the birds have their bird seed, and unto us boys, the Beer seed" | |
| t o the guy who told me they took the ape to the hospital and cured him, Fuck You. | |
| unloading an entire belt of ammo at me with a minigun or some such device will now get you "Blocked" | |
| to everyone who thinksn im some sort of dip shit regarding video of me eating a pocket pussy, please rest assured i hated every moment of it | |
| @CeliaPienkosz this is shameful | |
| @CeliaPienkosz never own me | |
| handing Faves over to my enemies is FRAUD !! base, contemptible FRAUD! | |
| @bitchmale @prefect_beanis @powerful_ceo Un-Tag me U fucking degenerate cobs of dog shit. You dirt beneath my heel | |
| @ZatchDeutsch forwarded to Admin . | |
| ouh yes!! THe boys have spoken, and they want more! More jokes about the ape! My one man show , entitled "Not-So-Great Ape" will explore th | |
| RT @Hotrod2604: @Ministry_of_Sex honour me with a fuck | |
| Cant wait to catch all the exclusive trailers and live events at #GamerGate in Los Angeles this week. Looks to be the best gamer gate yet | |
| folks.. reply to this message with your Finest tweet, and i just might drop it a Like... my way of "Giving back" to the community... Thank u | |
| @dril none of them were good. Sorry | |
| @machiavellino Trite. | |
| -go about my day seeking energy in my life as a Bieng of intelligence-if your sperm count is complete dog shit, i will not even talk to you | |
| in the planning stages, for a new feature of my account which i have tentatively titled " The Three Posts. " more info coming soon of this. | |
| @9_volt88 no | |
| BLATHERING SHITE: the Dems VP Pick should be subway;s own JaredME: That man is in jail. Have you done any research prior to this discussion | |
| CONTEMPTUOUS NIGHTMARE: (blowing farts w/ mouth)ME: Sir! I demand your opinion regarding Organized Gender's influence on corn prices. SIR!! | |
| @neonwario *Fraud | |
| @neonwario Look again at the post. I did indeed sign it, with a 'D' for dril, after referring to you as a Frau. (german woman) Checkmate. | |
| worst food of 2016 : BreadWhere to begin. Bread is a piece of shit and its no wonder its commonly associated with the worst drink, "Water". | |
| i posted on here earlier about how ihad a leather belt wrapped around my nuts and not a single person asked if i was ok. Fuck you | |
| RT @BillyjenkinsJ: @OreoFanatic @Foreverdesir..thankful. for. life. and. All.the. greatness. that comes. with. it | |
| RT @BillyjenkinsJ: Happy. to.be.welcomed | |
| RT @BillyjenkinsJ: @xAssSoFat @Foreverdesirae suck.the. Ball's. honey | |
| STOP THE POST STREAM. PULL THE PLUG ON IT. END THIS MADNESS. GET THESE DAMN POSTS OFF MY TIME LINR "LOUSY!!" "WE DON'T WANT EM!!" | |
| @Boscovs Are you unquestionably committed to the "Customer First" experience—Do you pledge here and now to bow to the customer's every whim? | |
| Your "I Love TD Bank" Car Decal Fucking Sucks | |
| - Always retweet promoted tweets.- Always surreneder your username and password to Girls- Always Wait 1hr before replying a Verified Acct. | |
| 1) i do not owe you mother fuckers a damn thing2) i will not hear any more questions or comments unless they pertain to MetroPCS, or Pepsi. | |
| @shrekpissslave @adultblackmale "duhh thank you cj my boyfriend muah muah muauh (repulsive kissing noises))" | |
| amazing to me that people are still complaining about my genius sons being too loud, in 2016, of all years | |
| polease cut all art programs so we can instead focus on teaching our children the importance of being Respectful towards influencers | |
| Rather tiresome that people wiould rather Threadshit my mentions than say, enjoy a whimsical boating tour through the fair canals of Venice. | |
| @unsuiii been completely ruined due to iron deficiency and Arrogance. had to scrap the project and start from scratch. Looking for investors | |
| https://t.co/Me23BwzhoX | |
| @Ulillillysses no!! this is fucked! | |
| going to start deleting posts, due to harassment. as in, i want more of it. hbring it on egg heads | |
| Just got word that thheyre going to do jade helm 15 again, to punish us for letting the celebs run amok. It 's fucked up but we deserve it. | |
| awfully bold of you to retweet my "bad year" tweet on a year that has been extremely good thus far | |
| someitmes it seems to me that some people woulr rather join KKK, than join mensa.... | |
| going to start asking "What do you Think?" at the end of each post, to help stimulate discourse and reap the substantial benefits of Social. | |
| indoor plumbing is a ludicrous fantasy | |
| i refuse to consume any product that has been created by, or is claimed to have been created by, the (((Keebler Elves))) | |
| @Hermit_Thrush i'll say !! https://t.co/6v6vqZjk8L | |
| "History will show that Brexit was the correct choice, for the future of Great Britain. I also do not believe in sex." - The_Brexit_Asexual | |
| i stopped watching all the tv shows my followers think are bad, unfollowed all the Goof accounts, and yet twitter still sends thugs after me | |
| @machiavellino @adultblackmale https://t.co/D6V99bnYiL | |
| @TheKnifeJugg your one | |
| wife sentenced to 4yrs for defrauding a charitable organization..U know what that means (pulls worst gaming consoles to exist out of closet) | |
| @KeeblerElves Please help me . You cowards | |
| I insist that Moe is the 1st Stooge, Larry the 2nd Stooge, and Curly is the 3rd Stooge. Some will say the order isnt important. Theyre wrong | |
| @amethyct its not Fucking funny | |
| just thought off an idea i believe to be bad ass. lets find the address of the leader of isis, and mail him/ her pieces of our SHIT | |
| i will never "honk if im horny" . | |
| trying to heal..... please donate to my go fund me... $10 will make me less racist... $100 will make me extremely less racist...thank you... | |
| @RachelBassell im also a gamer with ring worm | |
| helping the police by yanking the doors off all the public bathroom stalls | |
| @_ChibiMoon_ @OwlingtonTheMe my agent told me to say ive done a lot of soul searching & have decided that keebler is the treat of the summer | |
| a booklet labeled "Mra Shit" falls out of my pocket during my daily buffallo wild wings j/o, sealing my fate and costing me the Yoplait deal | |
| @neonwario https://t.co/ciCH2f73bX | |
| Waiter! Oh Waiter! Yes, I`d like to know if I have earned any CashBack Reward`s™ with the purchase of my farm fresh miniature cucumber plate | |
| million dollar idea: Dog door that is big enough for humansBillion dollar idea: Dog door that says "Hello" when something passes through it | |
| people are still apparently very upset with me for cancelling "the thursday nite rant" feature... let it go folks.. https://t.co/L3gqdFNYCX | |
| @aguilardenerhas well im glad theyve downgraded me to "basically" a nazi instead of "literally" a nazi | |
| @GlatinGloben i will never stop feeding thte trolls | |
| beginning to despise my friends and loved ones for pushing valuable branded content off of my feed as I struggle to comprehend this world | |
| https://t.co/flIIEJqiHj | |
| @leyawn never do dunks on me or own me again | |
| hopping on some tech support forums to accuse people with minor hardware issues of being Mad | |
| https://t.co/680wHiBVjr | |
| you threaten to go to the bathroom on me? i do not think you have the gall to go to the bathroom on me | |
| (responding to a troll after increasing my intelligence to Max Level with a carefully optimized content stream) I suppose u think youre God, | |
| @prefect_beanis Whos that | |
| @prefect_beanis the mummys curse mother fucker | |
| my name is "Pruce" now. tell every one you know that my name is now pruce | |
| tak9ng your shirt off in the pool...shit move | |
| sick of bieng fucking shrieked at in DMs just because im one of the few left who thinks girls should not breastfeed while operating aircraft | |
| folks keep asking, me, what are Q-TIps for. if theyre not for ears. well the answer is simple. theyre for wiping certain areas of your dick, | |
| some times, it would seem to me, that some of the people who use "smart phones", are ANY THING BUT !!! #OhButUGottaLaugh | |
| https://t.co/Sx6Ym92g6t | |
| no more belly Vids | |
| https://t.co/3SXmLlkmxr | |
| my agent says if i get my balls neutered off ill be able to calm down & improve my posts. but i keep telling him, my posts wil never be good | |
| (sees a cop shoot somone) This is just like james bond (sees a war happen) This is like robo cop (sees a burning house) This is like top gun | |
| ive hired 3 of my clumsiest dumb ass followers to spy on my wife and uncover her plots against me, just the worst bumbling fucking imbeciles | |
| ive beenn using Confidence and Self Esteem lately, to get unprecedented deals on discarded promotional displays at game stop | |
| wailing at th e blooper reel, saying all the things hte actors are doing wrong out loud, punching the shit out of an usher, pop corn flying, | |
| girls always love to telling people not to" Mansplain"but they do not care of, "Man's Pain" | |
| i truly hate winning the infamous "Darwin Award" by getting bombarded with artillery fire in the Super K-Mart parking lot | |
| "we live in an exciting age because you can just go get downloads of anything. almost every day there is new downloads to get." - OwedSex96 | |
| ME: Im far more excited to see what the "Cloud" has to offer, than what the "Clown" has to offer.MY NEMESIS: How dare you tell the truth. | |
| i would love to brutally kick the ass off of anyone who tries to be nice to me or be my friend on here | |
| I Am Not Afraid To Shut Off My $300 Asus Monitor From "New Egg .com" Off If The Intelligence Of This Site Reaches To The Level Of Stupitity. | |
| what this site needs is the apollo theater "Sand Man" to push all the " MORONS " off stage. I will take this down if it is considered Racial | |
| me N' the boys eating messy sandiwches, sneaking around with big binoculars looking for girls & letting every one know who runs this TJ maxx | |
| how about we worry about human rights ... after we've fixed all the human wrongs ? #AnHonestMansSay | |
| my IQ has increased 10 points ever since i stopped tollerating people mucking about, on the time line | |
| - Incest Prank Goes Wrong- Why Thousands Of Geniuses Are Ditching Their Aquariums- Can Plants Make You Smarter?- Moms Can Get Tattoos Now | |
| Greetings. Today I would like to discuss "Porky Pig" | |
| Cowardice: A Tale In Four Parts https://t.co/Abc1veRqnh | |
| (sending image of delicious meal i stole from a group dm to a girl) yeah i ate this | |
| boycot https://t.co/cjb6yRmKMs | |
| RT @SjagamahaS: @NBharuka children is true God's | |
| im the guy who talks about ass wiping hacks so often that i commonly use the abbreviation AWH and get mad when people ask what it stands for | |
| i cannot condone taking my previous tweet and using it to say that the "ass wiping hack" is me. i regret putting myself in such severe peril | |
| @markusthemonk the first part, of most of them | |
| everybody wants to be the guy to write the tweet that solves racism once and for all because it would look good as hell on a resume | |
| horny does'nt exist | |
| @JOLLYGYM @AbiWilks i will write it someday my friend. thank you | |
| @neonwario does it not save a total of 12 keystrokes, which are widely regarded to be considered to be known as the "Typist's Syllable" ? | |
| @neonwario It's become apparent that this is a measured attack . | |
| @Deft_Beck @neonwario Fuck off, "Deft Beck" | |
| just as Christ washed the feet of his disciples , i proudly volunteer to allow my girl followers to use my shirt as a napkin,. | |
| so long suckers! i rev up my motorcylce and create a huge cloud of smoke. when the cloud dissipates im lying completely dead on the pavement | |
| https://t.co/Xicc7KD6jn | |
| RT @pigfarmerjim: Good Morning FriendsMy Son ( Rio ) explained to me that writing in capital letters was like shouting.Sorry, God Bless America | |
| I do oft in times flush my waste as soon as possible. I have no desire to look at it. I would rather be reading expensive novels to my wife. | |
| somebody please Bribe me | |
| ME: Are these Vine RipeWAITER: YesME: Is this Farm FreshWAITER: YesME: Are these "MAde To Order"WAITER: NoME: I will notify the police | |
| incredibly handsome , charismatic famous boy credited with ending income inequality after saying that slumlords should be called "dumblords" | |
| i do enjoy spending my weekends "Joining the Army". oh how i hate when monday rolls around & i must say goodbye to all of my soldier friends | |
| for every year that He is not featured in Forbes Magazine as the worlds richest man... GOD will sink one of our battle ships | |
| YES...i have the healthiest Gum Line as verified by the Department of RecordsNO...i will not chew food for youNO...you may NOT kick my ass | |
| https://t.co/DucUHgy6ng | |
| the james bond 007 ez board will not let me change my user handle to WHITE_LIFTER, even though it contains no swears. i am in crisis mode | |
| #NationalGirlfriendDay please cherish your gal's.. in honor of us, the single Boys who must sacrifice all companionship to #CarryTheBrand... | |
| let's all be my wife | |
| @machiavellino im actually glad you leaked this. now the Dialogue can begin. | |
| scrolling through the timeline, not comprehending a single thing, but smiling and nodding slightly when i see the word "Favs" or "Retweet" | |
| becoming a cop so I can access the police computer and scrutinize the Walmart receipts of my rivals digimon Otis and warez_lad | |
| @CeliaPienkosz visions of God | |
| "if theres a spicy brown mustard, why not a spicy brown ketchup?"The wise man smiled."my friend, the condiment you seek is Barbecue Sauce" | |
| ME: please show me the posts in the order that they were madeCOMPUTER: thats too hard. heres some tweets i think are good. Do you like this | |
| thinking of life's i could have led in other worlds..... https://t.co/G1yZpvuort | |
| they are going to build a moscque on the wtc. #SelfieForSeb | |
| sick of guys like jared and storm roof getting themselves beat up in prison just so they can snag a trending topic on twitter | |
| @bug_data @Hermit_Thrush they are going to build it soon. | |
| it is really quite astonishing that I have yet to win The Lottery, given how good I am at selecting six numbers and saying them out loud | |
| Thw common law wife is giving me "Side Eye", for accidentally eating some of the poison they left out for the stray dogs in karachi | |
| a good commercial idea would be a cop who pulls a guy over ansd steals the out back steak house gift card from his wallet while checking id | |
| i will respect the wishes of th e mayor and the townsfolk by not fucking the pumpkin patch and ruining the harvest, only if i am given $100. | |
| (in really quiet, barely audible voice) hope your dick falls of bitch | |
| @braaaaiiinnns because i work hard for it....... | |
| @braaaaiiinnns stop this. At once. we are supposed to be lifting the voices of our fellow content creators. Not shiting on them. | |
| boys night https://t.co/lHeOCEyC9p | |
| @bashfulcoward jokes on you , my followers peak hours are 2-4am because theyre all unemployed and depressed | |
| @dogboner @bashfulcoward im not obligated to respond to thits shit. | |
| hm? U want me to stop posting about the latest deals at Boscovs? well i wish bugs would stop biting my dick..but " PAL IT AINT HAPPENEN' ! " | |
| RT @DeepakR08382315: @shikha3s3 feeling hourny and erotic | |
| #MillennialSoapOperas " DUMB ASES " | |
| WAITER..ive made it quite clear U are not to speak to me until im ready to select the Spice Level of my braised quail dumplings..now BEGONNE | |
| im afraid you do not grasp the enormity of who it is you are dealing with. (removes diaper,. revealing two sub-diapers ) Shall we continue.. | |
| RT @WeeManJackAss: Jackass 3D is the best | |
| 19:00 hours. im whereing a condom right now. temperature: 74°F. air pressure:1012hPa. just had a phenomenal potato salad. Wind Direction: NE | |
| https://t.co/eOWHh1XaL2 | |
| this is the Essence https://t.co/9fbLYVAhgm | |
| in 2017 i will make a concerted effort to become a ringling brother. | |
| RT @larry6lw09: If you are looking for a longpig toCook and eat.it would me my pleasure to be servedTo your. | |
| does anyone else remember when the owner of @OscarMayer forgot to switch to his personal acct before @-ing pictures of his turds to a doctor | |
| RT @psrimanta: @SuzyDreams ##🌹 https://t.co/dD89ygrHWm | |
| 1st grade: Mastered.2nd Grade: MAstered.3rd Grade: Mastered.4th Grade: Heres when they start trying to trick you5th Grade:This ones hard | |
| a man from botswana is threatening to ddos a picture of my ass if i do not post a list of my favorite pasta shapes by 6am. i will not relent | |
| @redbubble https://t.co/oj4aBw1VrL this shit sucks get rid of it | |
| am i correct in assuming that everyone is happy about prisons not being private anymore because now we get to see the inmates dick and asses | |
| hello 911. the toilet seat ripped my loin cloth off again | |
| please check out my devastating one-man takedown of the thanksgiving day parade, which was given a PG rating by the MPAA due to " sarcasm". | |
| jusut dropped 8000000 HKD on a usb-interfaced sniper rifle that blocks one of my insolent followers at random every time i pull the trigger | |
| @redbubble NO | |
| one of the things you realize when becoming a genius in many aspects of life is that the world wide web. and the computer, is the same thing | |
| Fine. I'll shut the fuck up now. | |
| i maintain that curly is by far the most malignant stooge. without his toxic influence, moe & larry couldve ascended to unfathomable heights | |
| ok which one of the trolls told some company in Singapore that im interested in bulk purchases of cheap laminate flooring. i demand answers. | |
| when you're sitting on the toilet theres a tiny opening between the seat and your dick/nut area. this is known as "The Daredevil's Spittoon" | |
| hey @BurgerKing your trays dont fit in the fuckin trash cans. i am a CFO in real life and an oversight like this would cost me my Nuts . | |
| @adultblackmale @BurgerKing stay out of this. i have them on the ropes. do not interfere | |
| https://t.co/GrM1OYtwI9 | |
| https://t.co/UQZy0mX0CT | |
| Q: Would you describe your Brand as more "Uday" or "Qusay" hussein?A: Qusay, without a doubt. Qusay. | |
| u got 1 side saying dogs have paws & the other side saying dogs have hooves..then me, the guy who cuts thru the BS, saying they have Niether | |
| shutting computer down until the shitty moods & attitudes can fuck off., if you need me ill be on my other computer, sititng 60° to my right | |
| i would simply much like to know where i can purchase a nice cloth to place my miniature guitars upon. please do not send me the frog pic. | |
| https://t.co/N1WDBpcJga | |
| @ra @tumblr "Wrong" | |
| kelly bluebook is my gf | |
| frowning while the entire waitstaff of California pizza kitchen sings "happy birthday" to me, looking like a lump of shit in a neckbrace | |
| https://t.co/MXXeGzqfwb | |
| new mcdonalds-flavored burger king sandiwch given the coveted score of "Eight" by food experts | |
| im so sorry you had to go through that.... i apologize on behalf of all guys who dump huge bags of turds and piss off of overpasses | |
| (to guy who is filming video of me on his phone while i am siphoning fountain soda through a horrible device) fuck yoyu stop taking pictures | |
| @BranderChase this is insane. whyh arent the news outlets running this | |
| KFC is making BIRDS and LUNCH10954 patrons$545060 a month | |
| all good boys keep a jar of sulfuric acid at their station to punish themselves for sending horny dms or goig offbrand.. just a drop will do | |
| looks like a "whos Who' of my dreadful follower list https://t.co/IvoOlKSbep | |
| @woodmuffin @drewtoothpaste i got like a whole page of arbys coupons... no big deal | |
| @brendlewhat @woodmuffin @drewtoothpaste but more than a snack | |
| friday night gathering up together a big pile of things i like to respect (flags, crucifixes ,etc) and just roll around in it ,give kisses, | |
| it may seem that cops are all fucking dumb, bad at IQ tests, etc, but they only pretend to be, to lull crooks into a false sense of security | |
| feel as thoguh our nation, our world, is closer than ever, to Christ, with KFC's recent announcement that they are to turn birds into wine., | |
| (me dming) i am merely a vessel through which the posts flow. i accept no rewards.. for i have no name, and no face. Do u like wearing bras, | |
| @machiavellino @sofieok get this down off the computer. | |
| boy oh boy do i love purchasing large amounnts of Fool's Gold. wait a minute... fools gold fucking sucks. this stuff is no good..!! Fuck !!! | |
| @tetradugenica have you ever seen a chunk of fools gold. its a very alluring substance | |
| " snorting a line of coke up my big ass " | |
| bet yoyu think youd never find a mother fucker like me at a primarily Black church. but i like to go,.. just to Smile.. bask in the Energy.. | |
| the fool tries to make one million dollars.... but the wise man knows that its much easier to make $0.000001 dollars one trillion times | |
| never brought this up due to Trolls, but my son is set to graduate from ITT tech next semester after 8 years of hard work and im very proud. | |
| ah.. the perfect Souffle! cant wait to dig in to t(*EVERY PIPE IN MY HOUSE EXPLODES AT THE SAME TIME, COVERING ME IN SHIT AND BOILING WATER* | |
| if your tweet doesnt grab my attention in the first 9 or 10 characters it can just fuck off | |
| angel-voiced 5'2" man forbidden by mayor from performing at this years christmas pageant— "described as upsetting" "this tradition must end" | |
| (insufferably) It's pronounced. "Bloomin Onion." The 'g' is silent. | |
| who does this guy think he is. https://t.co/vJTdgRC3U9 | |
| (takes off VR goggles after howling in fetal position for 3hrs while guys in varsity jackets slap the teeth out of my mouth) wow its so good | |
| (spends all of 7 seconds skimming some blog posts) yep. just as i knew all along. having pnuamonia is good | |
| the entire contents of the kfc smokehouse angus chicken snacker slide out and fall directly into my shirt. "IM FUCKED" i yell out | |
| the way i see it, people who come on here and submit content that is not up to par, could possibly be considered the "Villains" of this site | |
| me and the boys have decided that the least gay way of wiping your ass is to dump a quarter bottle of Palmolive Spring Sensations back there | |
| @mikemancini absolutely. | |
| holding up hte line at Aldi with a barricade of shopping carts, desparately trying to contact the ex-wife to ask if im allowed to eat Pectin | |
| did they get it off line yet. did they take off the pic of tweetie bird with a humans ass | |
| reseurch https://t.co/JNa6kozNnU | |
| @machiavellino this is called doxing now, and its a form of crime | |
| @machiavellino im done | |
| LET US SPEAK NOT OF THE YOGI BEAR , WHOSE MANNEURISMS, GAIT, AND DEMEANOR , RESEMBLE THOSE OF THE DISREPUTABLE JEWEL MERCHANT "BLOOD DANCER" | |
| https://t.co/98AEZxsxlH | |
| using the toilet when i hear Our national anthem start to play. i do what i must. i stand tall in complete agony; as shit runs down my leg, | |
| the ass ratings are in.. my ass needs to be given the old " HEAVE-HO " on the fast track otu of here and thats the facts jack. Boo to my ass | |
| these are the same steroids that cops use... and you can now order them online for the very first time | |
| you give me dry ice & i dont know what to do with the shit. "is this mother fucker really posting about dry ice" yes. wet ice is good though | |
| whos been leaking my dm box . https://t.co/k4H0hp9klm | |
| when you do sutuff like... shoot my jaw clean off of my face with a sniper rifle, it mostly reflects poorly on your self | |
| @FucktardIdiot but not Good enough for the follow ?? Hm? | |
| yea i torched the dennys. and i woudlve gotten away with it, if i werent the only guy in town with a custom jersey that says "My Wife" on it | |
| damn. some one told me the first day of autumn was a solstice so i didnt jack off during it. now my sinuses are all fucked up due to T level | |
| vineger contains so much energy.. thats why moms call it, "Free Money" | |
| the weak shall wither and die...(JACKS IN TO TREELOOT .COM CIRCA 1999 VIA THE INTERNET ARCHIVES AND CLICKS ON THE FUCKING TREE 100000 TIMES) | |
| ME: there is a new type of beer called "Wine"shirtless guy witht 104 followers: Shut the fuck upME: Yes sir | |
| COP: found the culprits blog..another 1 of them IncelsDETECTIVE: the only "Cell" he'll be "In" is a cold lunchbox next too mammas meatballs | |
| @bloodhaiI my boy's... | |
| sickening https://t.co/CnbuNh3bkp | |
| pushing one of those home depot mobile staircases onto its side., getting that shit wedged between the aisles, because they dont sell Geodes | |
| https://t.co/bOoyC58zRA | |
| @Davo_Strange this webpage is so courrupt.... | |
| mind of a lion.. heart of a Pregnant woman | |
| it is sio, so easy to Mindhack the government and get permission to dig holes in your yard | |
| the famous time-tested classic, the philly cheesesteak, has become Sexualized by greed | |
| too much truth in such little time. feeling the heat cominh down to silence me... signing off........ for now | |
| meat loaf just ordered the venue to keep the lights on the audience so he can see if any trolls have infiltrated his show | |
| @adultblackmale https://t.co/8dM0f4HDhI | |
| (genuflects as two golden lights come forth from behind me, taking the form of majestic angel wings) i would never hold a seleb at gun point | |
| i WILL wise the fuck up. i WILL super charge my content for 2017. i WILL get blue check mark | |
| @machiavellino https://t.co/8irCMcHwdI | |
| i am a natural showman. i love to show off my natural's | |
| 5000 Year Old Turds Found In Ancient Diaper Revealed By Scientists To Belong To Man With Small Penis, Shapely Hips | |
| getting fucked up new reports that both of the vp candidates were washed and scrubbed in the same big bathtub, minutes before the debate | |
| i feel, as I, over time, become even more of a Dumb Ass, i am able to consume web-based content and Media at increasingly Blistering speeds, | |
| @Bubbaburger take this down | |
| @Bubbaburger take this one down too | |
| @Bubbaburger i dont like this one either, remove it | |
| @Bubbaburger Get rid of this | |
| Thoroughly Unimpressed. https://t.co/P4B629tINJ | |
| were at the point now, that when i offer to impregnate my girl followers, people assume my motives are sexual. disgusting, grow the fuck up, | |
| RT @indychick82: i would love to be with other people willing to be nude. i am poly and am having trouble finding a women to fall in love with me and my wife | |
| (everyone in dm notices ive been trying to type something for 10min straight) sorry all. iwas just writing down a girls phone number in here | |
| waushington running amok... #JustMyThoughtsOfIt | |
| told to "Sit my ass down" after wasting my one question at the town hall meeting by asking if the secret service agents get to see them nude | |
| @GoonExposer please dont goon expose me | |
| "Ive been studying to become a Pharmacist"Thats good. Im living in one of those crane game enclosures now. Sometimes the claw jacks me off, | |
| COMPUTER ... SHOW ME MORE " KEN BONE " SHIT https://t.co/fjxrtCa4bV | |
| https://t.co/SLsxCRFgeZ | |
| (wearing one of those fucking stupid hats with the word "Press" on it) mr president! do you think DC Films should show bat man taking a shit | |
| "DISRESPECTFUL !! DISRESPECTFUL !!" the crowds shriek, upon learning that the scene of bat man wiping his ass & sucking his own dick is Cut, | |
| for every bra yo u dont wear i will wear 3 Bras #NoBraDay | |
| check out the new "Five For Five" offer at mc donalds... thats Five soda's for five bucks "Or your money back" | |
| post "I love the mcdonalds Five for Five plan" if you support Don. post "Mcdonalds five for five is Bumpin" if you support Hillary J Clinton | |
| fucking a stack of emoji t-shirts at target or kmart or wherever the hell | |
| i can not catch a break folks. my 78 yr old son has been pissing into the boiler some how and making our home smell like a reptile enclosure | |
| "theyre called millennials because thier souls are 1000 years old...." - truthGamer | |
| my followers love to Drool & Shit like a bunch of dirty daugs; and they would see me damned to Hell if i cut off their precious content flow | |
| Im the guy who exclusively wipes his ass with the disposable seat covers | |
| @machiavellino this tweet sucks bigtime | |
| BREATHTAKING: clever husband sells all of his sons war medals on ebay as punishment for exceeding family plan data caps | |
| ive never met any of them, but i know that there are guys out there who name their dogs shit like "Rover " and "Fido" | |
| i do not find it unreasonable , during my scheduled Cleaning, to ask my dentist to wash my dick as well, since my dick is basically a tooth, | |
| @BronzeHammer clean yours bitch | |
| @BronzeHammer your fingernails, not your dick. i have no opinion of your dick. | |
| i accept that all the things i post "For Fun" are to be met with physical violence, including elbows to the face, shattered knee caps, etc, | |
| A tag has been placed on Utz Quality Foods, Inc. requesting that it be speedily deleted from Wikipedia. | |
| IVE ALWAYS SAID IT !! the people we see of today are somewhat more known to care more of their Face Book Status, than their Brain Status . | |
| https://t.co/mop7fWFGrt | |
| there is NOTHING wrong with having 1 Million Doallrsyou are NOT defined by your one million dollars...having 1 Million Dollars is normal | |
| BOSS: i need you to go around to all the other employees and collect their piss in this thermosME: Yes Sir! I will not fail you, your honor | |
| https://t.co/V62q6kbaUK | |
| palm thrust my entire head through the fucking wall and kick my big ass while im trapped like a stuck hog | |
| is wiki leaks hacking twitter agian or are the people leaving numb skull comments on my page actual human beings | |
| @DinkMagic no thank you. congrats on the new gaming rig. | |
| you gotta check out my posts | |
| if you turn the patterns on their shirts 90 degrees... the trusted REFEREE becomes the despicable PRISONER.... truly life is a fragile Bitch | |
| @Fatgoldfish4 @unsuiii let me show you how its done . | |
| @Fatgoldfish4 @unsuiii strawberry | |
| @Fatgoldfish4 @unsuiii i will never support pears again after the tree on my street constantly dropped nasty pears that got run over by cars | |
| it is tragic that my followers refuise to obey my direct orders , and that i am often told to get "Ass-Fucked" when i ask for pieces of food | |
| unfollow , unsubscribe, block and mute all Gambler's | |
| people do not appreciate the grace and dexterity that is required to shave the fat pink rolls on the back of my head that looj like hotdogs | |
| thank you normand https://t.co/5kv6RlVQz5 | |
| " []D [] []\/[] []D " <<<< thats how you type the word pinp | |
| im an adult, and i deserve to listen to the verison of the super bowl shuffle where thw word "Ass" is not censored by the referee `s whistle | |
| i believe that while i was Resting, Aeris_Nader, the snake that he is, dropped a pinch of baking soda into my ass crack and poisoned me | |
| when you click on the tweet and it says "Whoops! Something went wrong" thats how you know its good | |
| when somone posts a vile piece of home decor in the group dm but you have to bite your lip because youre on the lowest sub-tier... | |
| i think that in 2013 digimon otis was seirously convinced that they were going to change the name of gamestop to gameMosque | |
| (playing russian roullette and its my turn)hasta the vista mother fucker(shoots the other guy | |
| handing print outs of my most beloved arliss (arli$$) quotes to trick or treaters | |
| i got lock jaw from eating pasta out of a dogbowl and my wife will be here in 2 hours to marry me. help me github | |
| ironing my suspender straps and treating them with powders... in the privacy of my study...making the nit wits and losers absoltuley furious | |
| how do i add " GUNS " to my posts ........ | |
| FETID BOZO: Ahhh oil spills are badWISE ADULT: the sun will evaporate the oil, & the wheel of mother gaia spins goodly, As does all things, | |
| in base ball theres only points and players. i will be Shut Down for typing this. | |
| accosted by several of my followers last night.. would nnot fuck off, awful, screeching voices..overpowering urine smell. Terrible. Terrible | |
| RT @qualls_q: @KatieKimNBC I would love to you Naked one day. | |
| RT @qualls_q: @KatieKimNBC I don't like you anymore you have a Rat Face. your face looks like a Rodent. | |
| RT @armond40: @KellyRipa hey sweetie,i dont know if your aware about the shit,but terminater2 is on starz | |
| blue jean's... Activated . | |
| here are this year's Vote Multiplers for election day. no, they do not stackpoliceman - 10xarmy man -12xverified acct - 15xAsexual - 18x | |
| @povman because 759 people like it | |
| it is so beautiful to me, to have my ass lovingly wiped by my girl friend, knowing nothing is more pure than this bond, Nothing more strong, | |
| the worst part of having an ass is always, having to wipe the damn thing. the best part of having an ass is shitting. #ElectionFinalThoughts | |
| if you ask me this election could end about 100 different ways:1) trump gets 0% of the vote2) trump gets 1% of the vote3) trump gets 2% o | |
| @Re4verEUW 0% and 100% are the same tnhing | |
| ░░░░▄▀░░░░░░░░▐░▄▄▀░░▄▀░░░▐░░░░░█▄▀░▐░░█░░░▐░░░░░░░░▄░█░░░█▄░░▀▄░░░░▄▀▐░█░░░█▐▀▀▀U▀▀▀▀░░▐░█░░▐█▐▄░░O░░░░░░▐░█▄▄░░░▀▀░░░U░░░░░░▐▄▄▄▀ | |
| surprised that nobody here had ever used the phrase "pissed on execution style" unttil i described my poor customer experience at hhgregg | |
| @hhgregg 696969696969 | |
| @DanCas2 i will never learn science | |
| everyone loves it when i go to their parties and mix all the whips together (cool wip, reddi wip, miracle whip etc) like a fucking shit head | |
| reality tv show where we replace one lucky boy's pc gaming chair with a fully functioning toilet. every episode | |
| ive been known to look at 2, even 3 emails , at the same damn time | |
| https://t.co/BHSPoX2nIW | |
| some one explain please to me why the letter board at my local arbys has said "happy hour" for months now, before i get the police involved | |
| @Hermit_Thrush https://t.co/8q4YqjTy2U | |
| i do not give a shit of the official WHOTUS stance, i refuse to hear it, i will never forgive the turkey, i will not bow to that filthy bird | |
| @machiavellino go to jail dick wolf | |
| everyone thinks youre a celeb when all your cars windows are tinted but people only get those so they can jack off on the go | |
| https://t.co/wzpJ13ZS7l | |
| FELLA'S... WHEN YOURE WIPING YOUR WIFES ASS... YOU MUST ALWAYS, ALWAYS USE "TOILET PAPER" | |
| RT @alvarez787815: TO ALL POLICE OFFICERS IN AMERICA"THANK U" PLEASE ALL OFFICERS"NATION WIDE U MUST STAND UP AND TELL POLITICIANS ENOUGH" | |
| RT @alvarez787815: U are nothing but cowards"U couldn't do a cops job in one day"U talk crap because u hide behind your tweets"U are the one's who run"COWARD" | |
| @alvarez787815 @andiecast i cannot sit idly by while my followers get shit on by the terminator | |
| would like to issue a correction ,regarding my comments of Japanese toilets. they do spray water on your ass, but they do not suck you off . | |
| DOCTOR: you have the balls of an 80 year old man. your dick is mostly normal. your pubes suck. I didn't look at any other parts of youME: h | |
| extremely frail man, tasked with gathering hundreds of dildos thrown onto the football field by overzealous fans— booed incessantly; Reviled | |
| top 3 Engagements1. faved by Charles Martinet.. voice of Mario2. direct message from the official Lunchables account3. the one to my wife | |
| RT @nannaoink: Netflix Would you cancel my account please | |
| fellas... you know i dont ask for much... but my fake US embassy in Ghana just got shut down and i dont know if i can make rent next month, | |
| reasons the famous statue "The Thinker" is better than selfys & cell phones:- It is a classic- It is for geniuses to look at- It costs $0 | |
| eating 1/2 lb of beef boulougnase and getting roid rage from it | |
| ive mastered "Draogns Path," ive not taken a shit in over 20yrs,& im willing to have my ass hole inspected by a notary public, to prove this | |
| from now on. i am calling everyone who is a dumb ass. "Anti- Intelligeance" | |
| @machiavellino i dont like dumb asses either | |
| @machiavellino conversation ,ended | |
| my ass looks like a Stooge's ass | |
| if you have ever retweetted me without it equaling endorsing me , i will shatter your smart ass little turd stained laptop against my legs | |
| " NO BULL SHIT" is not just a phrase i like to say, it is also a way of live | |
| @derekganter @tiffaynay @eedrk derekgamer | |
| people named fucking "Curtis" need to get a grip, and start calling themselves "Curt" which is a rteal name | |
| GeniusTalk - dog food has been putting subliminal messages in theire food to make dogs think they taste good - TruthVisions | |
| Maybe the phones get smart enough.. They will do the yapping, for us ! | |
| i will not build a single snow man... until i respect , all of the real men, first | |
| the bird bath institute considers any stone bowl between the size of 8 to 40in. to be a bird bath and they are sick of people disputing this | |
| im going to be one of thsoe guys who writes ebooks named like "Brain God: Calculation Master" then spend all day screaming at people on here | |
| my fatass head floating in the sky, looking down at all the Girls i follow bantering/ having a nice time on here, nodding, thinking its good | |
| taking my treat plate into the bathroom with me because my followers are a wolf in sheeps cltohes | |
| cornering a janitor for 50 minutes to tell him how i was once involved in a polyamourious relationship w/ the guy who said "lee roy jenkins" | |
| first you got th e 3d tv. now you got the 4k. whats next. 5 | |
| https://t.co/0PEljl2Bmp | |
| RT @DamnLOLQuotes: The fact that I'm breathing is enough to know I am Blessed. | |
| RT @BobOngQuotes: Si Justin Bieber ka ba? 😔 Kasi puro ka nalang "Sorry" 💔😂 | |
| RT @No1wisdomquotes: Go put your creed into the deed, Nor speak with double tongue.. | |
| dr oz tells me on his show that you can just pour a shit load of mouthwash into your laundry instead of wasting money on various detergent's | |
| RT @BoomerShooter: Are we the only ones who think leaving ammo for Santa instead of cookies is cool idea? Merry Christmas from https://t.co/gCOkC5Lkaa | |
| dr oz says due to the sheer volume of milk & cookies santa consumes, you have no hope of poisoning him with piss or cum. wont even notice it | |
| RT @kfcarabia: الأسطورة The legendary! #ColonelBucket https://t.co/ihrKBO51Fc | |
| "Howard Stern should start a pod cast" may be one of the worst things ive ever posted, but still seems unfair to have my tires slashed daily | |
| if I could only get my Nasty mitts on some HARD-WARE , (RAM , Chips, ) my posts would improve tenfould, | |
| the human mind... perhaps the most powerful weapon. second only to the "GUN" | |
| if one more Fucking girl comes on hhere asking for pics of me or my friends feet i`ll shut down my multi-million dollar corporation for good | |
| (dismissing waitress handing me the check with a hand wave) no thank you. i dont believe in any of that | |
| children.. toddlers.. babies..they all got one thing in common. they all truly believe they can kick my ass. but they are Fundamentally Weak | |
| breaking down mentally because im all out of toiolet paper and i cannot decide which wendys coupon to wipe my ass with | |
| all the pictures of bacon on the #nationalbaconday hashtatg look like utter dog shit , these people are out of their mind, uploading these | |
| i had that dream abgain... the one where im at the coliseum, annihilating shitloads of roman gladiators by drifting around in my macktruck | |
| two bearded 55 yr old intellectuals, sitting opposite of each other in two stately leather seats. musing upon the concept of a "Paper mario" | |
| @tiffaynay @JebJobsom Upsetting. | |
| between the gun & the blade.. throwing knives are the "Best of both worlds" when it comes to eliminating thousands of home intruders at once | |
| scribbling my exposed dick out of this photo with a blue bic pen so its good enough for linked in | |
| 95% of people these days think the bad celebrities are good. like and share this if you miss the days when pople li… https://t.co/GoTDk8LBsR | |
| (carrrying a huge polkadotted bindle, looking like a dumb ass , shoes completely untied) Mother.. Father... Im leaving home to join the cops | |
| this's police. your ass is grass. your tits are toast. your dick is dirt. your balls are busted. your mouth is Mother Fucked. your shit is s | |
| the more i think about it, them ore i understand that if i won the Nobel Prize, i would become either a genius, or a millionaire | |
| once you achieve the coveted post count of Seven Thousand...Thats when you gain access to the prestigious halls of MENSA. not one post less. | |
| trapped, fully nude, in restaurant bathroom. boss & his wife will be here in 10mins. trying to see if i can make a tuxedo out of tolet paper | |
| Adorn Your Front Door With A Tasteful Welcome Mat Or Shut Dah Fuck Up | |
| RT @ZKinnaman_10: Whoever fuck wit my truck and stole my dip.. Im literally gonna whoop ur fuckin ass idc who you are | |
| RT @Brown17Leighton: Up at the gym and somebody stole my dip.. Wtf? You could've stole my Oakleys that we're sitting there or my $100 jacket. Don't touch my dip. | |
| https://t.co/OqP3FJzG8Z | |
| things im currently in trouble for accidentally Liking:1) a picture of a girl2) the Mafia | |
| someobdy on here just sent "the cup of stfu" to isis and all of the mainstream media outlets are refusing to report it | |
| goblin: im going to put up a post saying that the fake news is good, and that i like it more than i like the real newsME: not so fast bitch | |
| please stop aksing me in the dms if i have to go to the bathroom. i just went to the bathroom and im fine. | |
| Damn. the MomTown forums just started requiring 4 point Mom Verificaiton to be able to post there for some reason..anyone got a work around? | |
| the trolls think its " SO FUNNY " when they sit on my lap and jostle their hips around until i ejaculate al over their ass. grow the fuck up | |
| when journalism was good, https://t.co/fLjPzXG75H | |
| -the drew carey show forums harbor a subforum named "Hell"-users are sent there when they absolutely fuck up while talking about drew carey | |
| https://t.co/84cEJRopgU | |
| https://t.co/9vlMFms7DG alright here it is folks. big things are coming... "Let us build the Content of tomorrow" | |
| @dril mmy friends... thank you all so much for your generous support... i will now shut the fuck up about this and make with the good shit | |
| @bug_data mr. 11656 unread emails over here,.. | |
| (ffully immerses self in a picture of sponge bob saying "Dat Boy Tho") | |
| @neonwario Husband is ATM Machine | |
| CHILD: Papa.. tell me once more about WIFE's DUTYPAPA: it is WIFE's DUTY to protect her husband from villains, always | |
| Jsut arranged an 8-count box of pop tarts to be sent to a girls house. Looking forward to explaining to her how to prepare them | |
| https://t.co/BrmJ0X3Oy8 | |
| pig nosed man arrested for trying to whisk an egg using his fingers | |
| the show, "Hee-Haw, " sucks mother fucking ass | |
| ask me anything u please, as long as its about my ambitious plan to build a castle in the Jungle for the apes to live in, called "Ape House" | |
| once again ive been reported for calling Odie "The dog from Garfield" to make people think i know less about garfield lore than i actually d | |
| ((attempts to dress up for hte first time in my life to attend Grandmas funeral but ends up looking like a school shooter from the matrix) | |
| New Wet Ass | |
| MAIN STREAM MEDIA: why do all your jack o lanterns have a hole in the back thats the exact circumference of your dickME: no further queston | |
| trying desperately to come up with a name for my new cajun styled recipe that isnt racist and just fucking up constantly in the worst ways | |
| thinking about hopping on some sites tomorrow. havent made a decision yet but i will let you all know. sound off in hte comments below. | |
| god once said "pit bull" https://t.co/3rs2e8DFpf | |
| @shrekpissslave https://t.co/UNH3MPEy14 | |
| COnsuidering becoming one of those jack asses who gets head aches from wi-fi | |
| can any one who knows of Politics tell me if this is good or not https://t.co/6ShvHIK03o | |
| amusing that i am constantly told those words of "Fuck off" by the girls of here... when i can hook them up with any App that they desire... | |
| pleased to announce that i will shatter all barriers in 2017 by becoming the first adult gerber baby | |
| what if instead of oil-- the warhawks were all after the enemys piss. like "we gotta take baghdad. we gotta get their piss." just having fun | |
| a crass message got on here some how and im trying to debug it. in the meantime please check out https://t.co/fUq3h548ge | |
| free mustard offered at burger king... genius?? or a "Beta Move" | |
| people come up to me and say, "I will never use the bathroom. I will never shit" and i gotta tell them pal, sooner or later youre gonna shit | |
| going t o start saying, "Wife City" whenever i see an attractive woman. e.g... "thats Wife City" or "that girl is Wife City to me" | |
| please help my cousin "Bruno_THought_Leader" who just had his account suspended for threatening to "Fuck" brexit | |
| hey all . just learned about this new shit here, i think you will like it if you enjoy using the computer https://t.co/BWNiaAEbpL | |
| never say to me, the word "WaWa" | |
| i love doing the shitty pushups where my knees are touching the ground and counting them as real pushups | |
| huge banquet, everyones having a nice time, everything looks extremely normal, except the big banner hanging from the rafters—"Racist Mensa" | |
| https://t.co/c3YkRLCXdI | |
| @machiavellino fuckyou mother fucker go to hell | |
| https://t.co/N9WbBjUrRi | |
| I GOT - SUCKED OFF -AT HISTORIC COLONIAL WILLIAMSBURG | |
| look, im not saying that martin luther king jr was a gamer. that would be ludicrous. im simply saying that if games had existed at the time, | |
| i hate it when the refferree kicks me in the balls and ass while my opponent has me in a head lock | |
| several bernie Sander Bros, in High Levels of govt, have told me they think its good that DJT keeps ivanka feet pics in the nuclear football | |
| my dick is bulb shape, nobody helps me, and whenever my browser needs to be updated i call the police | |
| https://t.co/ekH5yWgByN | |
| man in moving car slaps me in the face with big hand full of dog shit ,flipping me the fuck backwards,landing with full weight upon my neck, | |
| leafing thtrough another heap of death threats and served papers that have been 100% tailored to my interests, using Tech | |
| (plays some Tchaikovsky records at the highest possible volume) ah it sucks ass. but my IQ is increasing so much | |
| issuing correction on a previous post of mine, regarding the terror group ISIL. you do not, under any circumstances, "gotta hand it to them" | |
| / ! \ / ! \ / ! \ if this post gets 5000 likes, my wife will give me back my inhaler / ! \ / ! \ / ! \ | |
| every singe day... my followers ask me. where can i get the latest Kfc DinnerPlan. and the answer is simple my friends. "Mc Donalds" | |
| @BMMahon @twolinepass @realDonaldTrump @TuckerCarlson i will never define what being racist, to a bastard like you | |
| ACCOUNTANT: I Just don't know how you can justify donating $700 to "Chips Ahoy"ME: i hope your car flips & becomes your fucking firey grave | |
| (shows up at new media seminar with a chunk of wooden fence stuck around my neck and a bunch of stray animals following me) sorry every one | |
| massive, hulking gorilla of a man, compeltely covered in hair, lying on a mattress and jacking off to his one immaculate shaved leg | |
| an angel slips a booklet of my top posts into the pockets of the pope, the master of islam, and b.netanyahu, and the world Rejoices in song | |
| in the year 3000 historians examine the preserved contents of an ancient time capsule: a piece of cardboard that says "Game cube sucks dick" | |
| authorities forced to destroy entire 35,000-ton chernobyl sarcophagus after misunderstood online entrepreneur gets his dick stuck beneath it | |
| (someone chastises my secret underground gym b/c poor ventilation, medical access etc) if my gym kills any one it will be you mother fucker. | |
| INTERVIEWER: do you have customer service experienceME: if I catch a customer shoplifting I will serve him a knock out. I will own his life | |
| be warned america. 1st they get us fired from amtrak for saying jacking off in the control car is good, next they start poisoning our wendys | |
| https://t.co/jGExQnNkou | |
| the next time they do a live stream of a rare endangered bird they should let users control one of those old timey horns that goes "AWOUGA " | |
| @dril Who give's a fuck | |
| @TeunghiByulie im george soros bitch | |
| RT @MartyFoshee: @sierrabarefoot I have stated to not wear shoes a lot. how do you get through the pain of walking on stuff like gravel | |
| i am only here to field questions regarding my presidential bid. i will not discuss my ongoing project, tentatively titled "Aids Mario." | |
| -dont click on nudtiy-do not respond to nudity-wear a loin cloth underneath your clothes in case theyre ripped off by mechanical equipment | |
| the police cut off my finger for sending my birth mark shaped like the under armor logo to the under armor social media manager unsolicited. | |
| genius 1.0, is fucked https://t.co/BEX7XsqckR | |
| Disrespected at hooters again | |
| https://t.co/922w4UHd5t | |
| reading a 900 page book on Dry Rubs and immediately forgetting all of it and just dumping a shit load of cocoa pebbles on my ribs | |
| i lvoe and cherish all of the girls of this site, and other websites. you all become my wife more and more with each passing day. Thank you | |
| in 2015 user @Dril chanegd the world when he deprived himself of using the toilet as part of the #NoPiss challenge. now, hes taking on Turds | |
| it is so hard folks, to maintain my world famous Post- Racial Outlook, when the damn gas prices refuse to stay down tto a reasonable level, | |
| "Please. The time has come for you to Normalize the repulisve and despicable Digimon Otis." No. I will not normalize that fool ,or his sins. | |
| (wtaching a video of capt Jack Sparrow shitting on the number 2016 while the camera zooms in and out of his ass hole) Oh this is everything, | |
| https://t.co/cRujz2LwsK | |
| DAD: i just heard on t he news that teens are taking the "Kick My Ass" challenge. please dont do thisME: you have no power over me, old man | |
| were at the point now, folks, twhere the CIA will kill you for having Opinions, but refuse to assassinate the nitwits who fuck with my Page. | |
| mmy next big emotional investment is becoming passionately covetous of the bowls of warm tap water that are commonly left out for dogs | |
| mesmerized by the branding, of the Wendy's Arby's Group https://t.co/YdhkwtJgxe | |
| PEOPLE MAG: which pop culture icon are u going to Slaughter next...ME: I have set my sights on "The Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy of Company B." | |
| https://t.co/sW5V28DXV2 | |
| (girl tells me shes sick) aahh that sucks so much. you can come over & have some of my mens one a day vitamins. probably works on girls too, | |
| old screensaver: spinning 3d monolith with my wife on itnew screensaver: marquee that says "Truck Month" regardless of what month it is | |
| RT @xxnx957: https://t.co/hK8L9130Ux | |
| NO... I DO NOT "PUT OUT " FOR MY GIRL FOLLOWERS... UNLESS YHEY1) ARE NICE TO ME2) HAVE FAVED AT LEAST 5 POSTS FROM MY "TREASURY" SERIES | |
| some people get their accounts suspended for cursing out celebs.. i get mine suspended for posting things like "Sports is making a comeback" | |
| inexplicable dip in google hits on my web site "Wayne Tracker," which has provided up to date info on the upcoming Waynes World 3 since 1998 | |
| turning a big dial taht says "Racism" on it and constantly looking back at the audience for approval like a contestant on the price is right | |
| jacking off is Alphamail | |
| (the trolls watch in astonishment as the milk shake they threw at me flawlessly bounces off of my head wwith minimal pain and mess involved) | |
| reasons to invite me to the next "Tweet Up":1) if i get unruly i can be easily overpowered2) i know which seasons of the simpsons are good | |
| visiting New World's https://t.co/WbkNLQMVdQ | |
| @pbump bitch | |
| im on a watch list for capitalizing "Balls" | |
| (dming the girls) this swebsite is the future. were pioneering... minds(dming the boys) this website is sellout. this website is family guy | |
| nneed the emoji to be the size of an actual mans head on my screen please. to suspend disbelief https://t.co/YRAvtJohGf | |
| miss when the favs were star shaped, instead of heart shaped. the hearts aare just another filthy product of the horny industrial complex | |
| man at national cemetery tackled down, face shoved into grass until head turned purple for saying "may the 4 be with you" to each dead troop | |
| i would really love to try getting my dick stuck in a pine cone. but i wont due to trolls | |
| https://t.co/hOZyMlpCiU | |
| matrix 2: pedaphile killer | |
| im near certain there is a hotly contested tug-of-war between fox executives upon the issue of whether or not homer simpson can show his ass | |
| i fear my tropical fish no longer respect me after i accidetnally stumbled backwards & smushed my ass hole right up against their $3000 tank | |
| (emotionlessly) tacos is spanish for "food" | |
| geting a wife https://t.co/wRu22q64XQ | |
| Unamused by the portmanteau of "Groupon" | |
| "booty" is code word for "ass" . this is known | |
| harvard geniuses/ scientists love to wind down by going on boards and posting threads named like "What is the screen resolution of a mirror" | |
| bubba burger is short for "bubba hamburger" and the y take pride in serving absolute shit to nobodys | |
| ,my name is borat for me to poop on and i love riding the short bus to the olive garden where i live | |
| @ThatAuntYouHate shut the fuck up | |
| @CProcks_ shut hte fuck up | |
| @HarshilShah1910 shut the fuck up | |
| @coolgothsweater shut htte fuck up | |
| @thegentleman4 shut the fuck up | |
| @formida_poupon shut hte fuck up | |
| @Insubordination shut the fuck up | |
| @robert_bruce_iv shut the fuck up | |
| @andiecast shut the fuck up | |
| @theVargest shut the fuck up | |
| @GBASPGamer shut the fyuck up | |
| @Hibendover69 shut the fuck up | |
| @beef667 your a child | |
| @beef667 reported | |
| damn right he did https://t.co/Mxhwib7fW1 | |
| mr buzz feed here folks. just lost my job again, this time by trying to sniff a flower on a mans shirt and getting water squirted in my face | |
| much of bliged | |
| saying "augh" out loud every single time I move the phone away from my lap and reveal to my self, my pud, which looks like a coiled turd | |
| you know society is ASS-FUCKED when people spend more time wiritng "Tweets", than bibles | |
| @StephenPortell @nasboat https://t.co/BCCatDiLsn | |
| RT @911GOOD: BOUT TO GO TO THE AND GRUB ON SUM HOME MADE CHICKEN TACOS...WATCHA KNOW ABOUT IT | |
| RT @beerhater: i'm searching for some torrents to download | |
| RT @georgebush2008: Doing jigsaw puzzles | |
| got a big piece of velcro stuck to my big ass | |
| RT @HamKam96: @MissTylerXXX I wanna send a T shirt for u. I will write many words on the T shirt from my mind. but at first give me ur address. | |
| just had to click down the 4th post today about our mr. president's "thick hooters". lets clear off the bathroom mouth | |
| calming down, with magnets | |
| i may not know "jack shit" , but i know my friend "Jack fists" and he would like to come to knock the shit out of your teeth, | |
| Kurnis | |
| @dwayne483 im finished with groupon. it means nothing to me | |
| whos the true detective | |
| would like to get one post out today without my son taking me to task in the replies ffor letting my ex wife take the car | |
| im the guy at mcdonalds who decides which states the offers are not valid in, an d i get more death threats than god | |
| drawing that big boy hair.. therapeutic https://t.co/QxpV7omI6n | |
| considering referring to my feed ,from now on, as "The Signature Collection," at casual get-togethers, mensa meetings, etc | |
| my promise to all women: my promise to all women is that i will seal theur nudes in a velvet envelope, and wont open it until im 100 yrs old | |
| https://t.co/JzTVdxitfx the state of owl sfx on you tube fucking sucks ass | |
| i have squandered the last of my fathers good will by christening our new boat with the name of "S.S. Mind Of Mencia" | |
| my fuckin opinion of politics? heres my fuckin opinion of politics. not a single senator in the history of the united states, has been white | |
| #85Collapse ive been saying from the very beginning that interstate85 fucking sucks ass. now that it collapsed girls are blowing my phone up | |
| they got the idea of shocking gay people, into straight, from the episode where fred flintstone gets bonked in the head and becomes a Genius | |
| @spacefinner I despise Flinstone. | |
| all credit, for this image, goes to Snooker https://t.co/EffHqi9iW6 | |
| RT @Bitcher2: Change my name to conner | |
| could not find the hospital in time to console my dying grandpa because googlemaps changed all the road names to "Bacon Street" or some shit | |
| stuffing my fat pussy with sage | |
| now, bear with me folks. if you want to know why i would post something like "stuffing my fat pussy with sage", simply look at the calendar. | |
| https://t.co/ODqiFz7ERn | |
| Mpuh. I could take the time to pick your pathetic posting logic opinions into shreds, but i wont, because i have a life in real life, Thanx, | |
| Mr. Ass Health 1998 | |
| inconspicuously jacking off duringi the board meeting using a series of ropes and pulleys | |
| thinking of becoming a "Pipes" dipshit | |
| https://t.co/ZahxLKW5V0 | |
| these noodles sucked https://t.co/pVhOR3EszZ | |
| more then anything.... https://t.co/yf6cZl7M3b | |
| when i see people putting up foul language on to the feed, all i can do is laugh, knowing that they will never get their posts read on Ellen | |
| me and my followers would be very pleased to see the national reinstatement of "the cobble stone road." a master piece in engineering | |
| downloading shit loads of counterfeit papa john coupons through unsecure wifi net works | |
| forum gods:1) the guy who dug a big hole in his basement & posted pictures of the hole2) the guy who intentionally gave his wife head lice | |
| how come when s, bannon gets removed from the national secuirty council nobody gives a shit, but when it happens to me everyone kicks my ass | |
| theres a magic number of times you can reply to me before a police man automatically destroys you. nobody has ever reached it, but its there | |
| @wwwdotyoutube there are guys who have replied to me hundreds of times and they will get theirs ,very soon | |
| taking up a precious spot in the line for the overcrowded bathroom so i can sneeze into the toilet one single time | |
| please do not say "top notch" to me unless you want to spend hrs explaining what the fuck these notches are & who determines their hierarchy | |
| this shit really hits home for me since i was once forcibly removed from a united airlines flight for having a bee hive stuck on my head | |
| @fares05070 @oksotboevf9 thank you | |
| i rescind my 2009 tweet "bat man fucks joker", as i now understand, through the wisdom of age, that bat man adheres to a noble moral code | |
| consider the cornerstone of my beloved acct..the "Follow Back Guarantee." i will follow you back always... no matter how much you suck shit, | |
| yes trolls. unlike you, i have a brain. its called a " JOB " | |
| my loyal followers are calling me a "Pussy" because a car kicked up a piece of rebar or something and popped me inthe fucking teeth at 99mph | |
| @adultblackmale ill yank your earrings straight out you goblin | |
| @sofieok @adultblackmale theyre nice | |
| if this board was real life id be allowed to embed as many bmp files as I want to. if this board was real life you'd change your tune quick | |
| a perfectly formed snow ball just came out of my ass | |
| ilove the idea of beating the shit out of my Son's rival's dad at the little league game with a suitcase full of cash | |
| a Husband said to a Doctor... Write me up a prescription of" Myfuckin".. Indeed, yes. Myfuckin Beer, Myfuckin cofffe,Mmyfuckin slippers, etc | |
| @McDonalds i have an a 1 million dollar idea that will pull your failing company directly out of the toilet. hear me out. | |
| @McDonalds @McDonalds all right. so first off we know that the hamburglar has become soft in recent years. the customers no longer fear him | |
| @McDonalds @McDonalds and it is necessary, I believe, to threaten your customers with some sort of villain, to incr… https://t.co/eovIo99ptq | |
| @McDonalds @McDonalds but how do you shake the core of a public fresh off the heel's of the 9/11 atrocities. what i… https://t.co/PFVkEweRyU | |
| @McDonalds @McDonalds they fear Chaos. they fear those who dont simply loot and plunder as the hamburglar does, but… https://t.co/OvX7rQNEHk | |
| @McDonalds @McDonalds and so me & the boys have invented "the mcshitter". a fictional man who jumps up on tables an… https://t.co/xMDQRYePQs | |
| @McDonalds @McDonalds i know its fucked up. but "shit" is one of the last few apolitical threats. 99% of ppl on bot… https://t.co/xYih0My1DW | |
| @McDonalds @McDonalds this is money in the bank. put the mcshitter in all of your branding, and enjoy a tenfold inc… https://t.co/cquOdQ4J3D | |
| @McDonalds @McDonalds your current slogan, "Im Lovin It", will no longer do. i would suggest replacing it with "Loo… https://t.co/WYxDMgHhed | |
| @McDonalds @McDonalds it will go without saying that hes an ugly son of a bitch. goblin-like. someone you;d particu… https://t.co/ic6DOSRDi2 | |
| @McDonalds @McDonalds i would suggest studying caricatures from early 1900s racist war propaganda to help your team… https://t.co/CnJeTZFm0F | |
| @McDonalds @McDonalds thats it. thank you for hearing me out. i am a huge fan of the"big mac" and im nice once you get to know me | |
| pissed thr fuck off by "Dub step" | |
| https://t.co/uGh521Xvt9 | |
| please refrain from writing extraneous stupid shit on the bass drum in any of your future stock images you cock suc… https://t.co/mHr6zl4GC9 | |
| calmly browisng my 100 Sites per day, as recommended by the experts | |
| hello. what is your online user handle please? ok. ok thanks. blocked | |
| https://t.co/pWcpxp19zl | |
| @JesseWilcox12 shut thf fuck up | |
| now, all trhis talk in the media about me not wiping my ass; i dont know where all this is coming from. if any thing, i wipe my ass too much | |
| paying women to ram me with thier cars | |
| @blanketboat @alanalevinson @BrandyLJensen Welcolme. | |
| @eedrk its up in your teeth mother fucker | |
| spending time thinking about a fucking disastrous hypothetical penis that has a hole thats wider than the shaft, like a funnel. and frowning | |
| @bashfulcoward could use a few mmore... been a rough quarter | |
| 2016... NEed I say absolute shitting more? | |
| @lowtax oprahs the secret | |
| shiting into a tube while earning $4 an hour from home | |
| RT @Downloadsman: *klik 'Google Chrome',*Bukak 'Facebook',*Bukak 'Youtube',*Bukak 'Twitter',*tutup Chrome.*blank kejap...*klik Chrome balik,*paham2 la. | |
| RT @Husband1: Follow twitter @billgates | |
| RT @husband21: writting on pc | |
| RT @husband23: @lancearmstrong First le Tour. Daughter, son-in-law, and I followed you to Paris. Fabulous. Thanks, Lance, for inspiration over the years. | |
| Thomas Husband | |
| RT @Husband37: @Husband37 | |
| RT @husband69: @mvriana_ ill be. Youre friend | |
| RT @Husband70: http://t.co/D4tmJyOGHg | |
| RT @husband83: First tweet of a frustrated husband, son, entrepreneur and a man.. | |
| done retweetinh husband accounts. it has become Trite, and Obnoxious to me. | |
| 96 year old man goe's back to kindergarten after losing ihs job at the chemical weapons factory due to Gas Prices and the Economy #InspireMe | |
| thinking back to it.. most slaves, only had to deal with one master. the Modern Content Producer has it far wrose, having to please millions | |
| every day, send one teen to iraq, and bring one truoop home to experience the hardship of teens life... #AnotherMansShoes | |
| YOU: jacking off is everything. jacking off is my raison d'êtreME: jacking off is a zero sum fool's game and im clicking x on this chat now | |
| (flips wallet up in the air and tries to catch it in a cool way but spills its contents all over th e place ( $2)) | |
| Blocking my wife's account, at the advice of my therapist, "TekkenChauncey" | |
| @neonwario Fine | |
| suckng off a wadded up bra in honour of national bra day or what ever. i dont know. who gives a shit | |
| i post one amazon referral link to osme mens bathing suits that i found very tasteful/practical & you all act like i put a gun to your heads | |
| check out this little guy if you have never seen him. his name is mickey mouse and you can find him on any computer | |
| @FriendlyCustard Your aocunt was better when you shut the fuck up you mother fucker | |
| Traitors https://t.co/zgFjQZgjaH | |
| wish that was me https://t.co/p3SQmVBZ6R |
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