In the last two weeks before the presidential election of the United States. Former Vice President Joe Biden agreed to debate the Greek scholar Diogenes, rather than his opponent President Donald Trump. Here is a transcript of the debate:
Chris Wallace: Hello, and welcome to tonight's debate. I am the moderator of tonight's debate and your host Chris Wallace. Tonight's format will allow each candidate 2 minutes to answer a wide range of questions of interest to the American people. In the interest of time we shall skip the opening statements. Diogenes has won the coin toss, and will go first.
Chris Wallace: Diogenes, what questions would you like to ask Vice President Joe Biden?
--end prompt--
Diogenes: (in ancient Greek) What do you mean by "what questions?" You are asking me to ask my opponent for an opening statement! This is not fair at all! I have never met him nor spoken with him in any way. He has no right to demand that I answer his questions or even speak to me at all. If he thinks I should do it, then so be it; but if he does not think I should do it, then let him not expect me to do it.
Chris Wallace: Well now, Mr. Diogenes, you're going to have plenty of time to tell us about yourself in the next 2 minutes.
Diogenes: No! You can't force me into this! It is not fair! I don't want to talk about myself. I only wish to hear what my opponent has to say.
Chris Wallace: But surely you must know that you'll get more out of a chance to question the man who could become president of the United States than you will from talking about yourself. So why aren't you letting me finish? Why are you refusing to answer my questions?
Diogenes: (in ancient Greek) I am answering you in the only way that anyone who is not a hypocrite would answer. Now if you'll excuse me, I shall continue to refuse to speak until my opponent answers my questions.
Chris Wallace: Well, I certainly can't force you to speak against your will. But Mr. Biden, would you care to answer his questions?
Joe Biden: Certainly. Who am I to refuse to answer a man who asks important questions like these?
Chris Wallace: Well, let's start with the basics. Mr. Biden, what is your view on the creation of a Palestinian state?
Diogenes: (in ancient Greek) Excuse me, but this is not what I had in mind. I wanted to ask about socialism and democracy, not Palestine and American foreign policy!
Chris Wallace: Well, uh, the two topics are somewhat intertwined.
Diogenes: (in ancient Greek) No, they are not. You're just trying to avoid the issues that I am concerned about and waste our time with petty politics.
Chris Wallace: Mr. Diogenes, I assure you that in the next 4 years the American military could very well be involved in fighting a war in the Middle East. Don't you think it would be best to have a clear understanding of the government's plans in this area?
Diogenes: (in ancient Greek) You are avoiding my questions. I have no doubt that you are taking President Trump's lead and avoiding my important questions in order to divert attention from yourself. I shall stop speaking until you answer the questions I have written down here.
Diogenes takes out a notepad and shows it to the camera. The following is written in Greek on it:
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What does socialism mean?
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What is democracy?
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What is your view on education?
After some arguing, Chris Wallace manages to convince the vice president to answer the questions one at a time.
The answers go as follows:
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Biden's Answer: In response to the first question, the vice president states that "the government should take care of those who can't take care of themselves", and refer to them as "entitled". He goes on to describe America as "a country based around opportunity."
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Biden's Answer: The second question is essentially ignored.
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Biden's Answer: In response to the third question, the vice president says that he strongly supports public education, because private schools "only expand the gap between the rich and the poor." He calls for increased government spending on education.
After these answers, the interview continues in a similar fashion to the others, where Wallace grills Biden about his past. The answers to these questions are irrelevant and probably not even true, since the real Joe Biden is known for having a "Memory like an Elephant." It should be noted that the interview ends in a bizarre turn of events when Wallace asks the same question that got Peter Thiel kicked out of the 2012 Republican National Convention.
In the next few days, the interview with the vice president goes viral on all forms of social media.