*record scratch* *freeze frame* yup, that's me. you're probably wondering how I got in this situation

record-scratch-freeze-frame.js

// I wanted to use https://npm.im/terminal-image in kitty. Kitty supports
// inline image functionality similar to iTerm2, and while I was too lazy
// to look up whether they're the same I *wasn't* too lazy to try and make
// terminal-image think it's running in iTerm2.
//
// So you dig down the dependency tree. terminal-image is by @sindresorhus,
// who is known for two things:
//
// 1. Going hard on es modules without support for require
// 2. Going hard on micro-modules with deep dependency trees
//
// The tree to get to the relevant logic looks like this:
//
// terminal-image
//   |-term-img https://github.com/sindresorhus/terminal-image/blob/main/index.js#L4
//      |- iterm2-version https://github.com/sindresorhus/term-img/blob/main/index.js#L2
//
// with term-img checking that `process.env.TERM_PROGRAM === "iterm2.app"; and
// iterm2-version additionally parsing process.env.TERM_PROGRAM_VERSION. OK, fine,
// set those env variables in the shell, right? Well no - iterm2-version *also*
// checks that `process.platform === "darwin"`.
//
// So well, like I haven't done sketchy shit before:
const __platform = process.platform;
const __TERM_PROGRAM = process.env.TERM_PROGRAM;
const __TERM_PROGRAM_VERSION = process.env.TERM_PROGRAM_VERSION;

function pretendToBeITerm() {
  process.platform = "darwin";
  process.env.TERM_PROGRAM = "iTerm.app";
  process.env.TERM_PROGRAM_VERSION = "3.0.15";

  return function done() {
    process.platform = __platform;
    process.env.TERM_PROGRAM = __TERM_PROGRAM;
    process.env.TERM_PROGRAM_VERSION = __TERM_PROGRAM_VERSION;
  };
}

// and sure we can try to wrap every method coming out of the
// library to *do* that sketchy shit...
module.exports = {
  async load() {
    if (!this._terminalImage) {
      // ...keeping in mind that dynamic import is asynchronous, so
      // if you're on commonjs have fun injecting dependencies lol
      this._terminalImage = (await import('terminal-image')).default;
      donePretending();

      // Hold my beer!!
      ['buffer', 'file', 'gifBuffer', 'gifFile'].forEach(method => {
        this[method] = (...args) => {
          const donePretending = pretendToBeITerm();
          const rv = this._terminalImage[method](...args);

          if (typeof rv.then === "function") {
            rv = rv.then(r => {
              donePretending();
              return r;
            });
          } else {
            donePretending();
          }

          return rv
        };
      });
    }
  }
};

//
// So we've been really clever and it'll work, right? Well no - if only:
//
//     TypeError: Cannot read property '0' of undefined
//         at terminalImage (file:///home/josh/joshiverse/apps/gritty/node_modules/term-img/index.js:29:20)
//         at Object.terminalImage.buffer (file:///home/josh/joshiverse/apps/gritty/node_modules/terminal-image/index.js:95:9)
//         at Object.terminalImage.file (file:///home/josh/joshiverse/apps/gritty/node_modules/terminal-image/index.js:103:16)
//         at async main (/home/josh/joshiverse/apps/gritty/banner.js:49:15)
// 
// My gambit to monkey patch terminal-image has been foiled by me not
// knowing any way to monkey patch the process object in another module.
// C'est la vie.

async function main() {
  await module.exports.load();

  // It turns out I don't actually want to do this anyway, doing
  // it with proper text will work better. Shrug.
  console.log(await module.exports.file('test.png', {width: 80}));
}

main().then(console.log, console.error);