(Based on the Contract Killer 3 by Andy Clarke at Stuff and Nonsense) See: https://gist.github.com/malarkey/4031110
I always do my best to fulfill your needs and meet your expectations, but it's still important to have things written down so that we both know what's what, who should do what and when, and what will happen if something goes terribly wrong. You won't find any complicated legal terms or long, unreadable text here. I have no desire to trick you into signing something you might later regret. I want us to do what is best for both of us, now and in the future. This is the start of a great relationship!