typedef struct { | |
int girlfriend; | |
} holder; | |
typedef struct { | |
holder a; | |
} toplevel; | |
typedef struct { | |
int this; | |
} yoda; | |
int main() { | |
holder holder = { 2 }; | |
yoda understand = { 2 }; | |
toplevel get = {holder}; | |
int you = 2; | |
/* whee, i made this stupid code work! */ | |
if (you == understand.this) { | |
get.a.girlfriend; | |
} | |
return 0; | |
} |
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// Golang
package main;
type Understanding struct{
this string
}
type Getter struct{
a What
}
type What struct{
girlfriend string
}
func main() {
you := "you"
understand := Understanding{}
get := Getter{What{}}
if you == understand.this {
get.a.girlfriend
}
} |
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def method_missing name, *args; Object.new; end
get a girlfriend if you understand this |
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// Scala:
object AxeAssholes {
case class Holder1(girlfriend: String)
case class Holder2(a: Holder1)
case class Understand(`this`: Int)
val you = 1
val understand = Understand(1)
val get = Holder2(Holder1("assholes"))
/* here you go you hateful mysogynists */
if (you == understand.`this`) {
get.a.girlfriend;
}
} |
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// Axe.java
public class Axe {
enum get {
a;
public void girlfriend () {
throw new RuntimeException(
"Error: Unilever's marketing department needs some imagination");
}
}
static class understand {
public void jockMarket () {
understand you = this;
/****************************/
if (you == understand.this) {
get.a.girlfriend();
}
/****************************/
}
}
public static void main(String[] args) {
new understand().jockMarket();
}
} Sadly I couldn't come up with a way to get rid of the |
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betcha wish your girlfriend had an () like me. |
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For those asking, Axe ad can be seen here: https://www.google.com/search?q=axe+"if+you+%3D%3D+understand.this"&safe=off&source=lnms&tbm=isch |
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My slim grasp of Rust: // axe.rc
fn main() {
struct Understand { this: int }
let you = 1;
let understand = Understand { this: 1 };
struct A;
impl A { fn girlfriend(&self) { println("DOUCHE!"); } }
struct Get { a: A }
let get = Get { a: A };
/***************************/
if (you == understand.this) {
get.a.girlfriend();
}
/***************************/
} |
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fucking offensive aye? |
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@sinm Your rubby example explodes (intentional?)
|
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|
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C# namespace Axe
{
class Program
{
static void Main(string[] args)
{
var you = 1;
var understand = new {@this = 1};
var get = new
{
a = new
{
girlfriend = new Action(() => { throw new Exception("Discrimination"); })
}
};
if (you == understand.@this)
{
get.a.girlfriend();
}
}
}
} |
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JavaScript Redux (browser only) you = understand = a = window
understand.this = window
get = this
if (you == understand.this) {
get.a.girlfriend
} |
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Also... If I may... switch (ad, you.buy.axe, you) {
case 1:
throw HighSchoolFootball
case 2:
throw FratParties
case 3:
throw GarbageInTheDumpsterBehindMcDonalds (as.part.of.your.job)
} |
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lame.php
|
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Nowhere near being idiomatic ruby, but rather gets the point across. def method_missing name, *args
@i ||= -4
@i += 1
o = ""
o += args.first + " " if args.first
o += %w(You suck Unilever.)[@i] if @i >= 0
o
end
get a girlfriend if you understand this
# => "You suck Unilever." |
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#!/usr/bin/env python
class foo: girlfriend=42
class get: a=foo()
class understand: this=42
if __name__ == "__main__":
you = 42
if you == understand.this:
get.a.girlfriend |
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Axe.py
|
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setmetatable(_G,{__index=function()return _G end, __call=function()end})
if you == understand.this then
get.a.girlfriend()
end Lua won't parse the middle line without an assignment or a function call, unfortunately. |
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another php attempt with not-quite-right syntax but I found it funny (and this one actually executes something)
|
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#!/usr/bin/env python
class a(object): __getattr__ = lambda s,*a,**k: s
locals().update({i:a() for i in ('you', 'understand', 'get')})
if you == understand.this:
get.a.girlfriend |
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Here's my python version: class Object():
def __init__(self):
self.a = self
self.girlfriend = self
self.this = self
def axe(you, understand, get):
if you == understand.this:
get.a.girlfriend
you = Object()
understand = you
get = Object()
axe(you, understand, get) |
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(not written by me, thank @BellendSebastian) |
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It is worth noting (for extreme values of "worth") that this snippet is also valid (though pointless) brainfuck syntax. |
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coffeescript! you = understand: (that) => this is that
get = a: girlfriend: -> alert 'You suck Unilever!'
do get.a.girlfriend if you.understand this |
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I'm married. Fuck you all. totters off |
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#!/bin/bash
you="bleh.blah"
understand="bleh"
this="blah"
get="echo "
a="You suck,"
girlfriend=" Unilever"
if [ ${you} == "${understand}.${this}" ]; then
${get}${a}${girlfriend};
fi
|
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Brainfuck: +++
+++++
++[>+
>+++>
+++++
++>++
+++ +++ ++<<< <-]>>
>>-----------.+++++++
+++++++++++++++.++++++.<
<++.>>--.++.------------
------.++++++++.<<.>+++
++++++++++++.>+++.----
-.+++.-------.+++++
++If++you++understand++this+;+get+a+girlfriend.
<+++++++++++++
+++.>----.<<+. |
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@sgerrand re: first ruby example, I believe idea was to make parse/compile, not to output obscenities for some ad agency. :) |
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PHP - Live Test 5.0.0 - 5.5.1 Issues try {
if ($you = new Understand(new You())) {
$you->get()->a()->girlFriend(new Her());
}
} catch ( NullBabeException $e ) {
echo $e->getMessage();
} Classesabstract class Person {
abstract public function name();
function __toString() {
return $this->name();
}
}
class Her extends Person {
public function name() {
return "girlFriend";
}
}
class You extends Person {
public function name() {
return "you";
}
}
class Understand {
private $y, $i;
function __construct(Person $y) {
$this->y = $y;
$this->i = "";
}
function a() {
return new What($this->y, $this->i);
}
function get() {
while ( $x = mt_rand(0, 5) ) {
$this->i .= $x;
}
return $this;
}
}
class What {
private $i, $y;
function __construct(Person $y, $i) {
$this->i = $i;
$this->y = $y;
}
function girlFriend(Person $her) {
throw new NullBabeException(sprintf("%s is Needed ASAP Found %s issues with %s ",
$her, number_format(( int ) $this->i), $this->y), E_CORE_WARNING);
}
} Exceptionsclass NullBabeException extends Exception {
function __construct($m) {
parent::__construct(sprintf("<h1>%s</h1>", $m));
}
} |
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orf's python doesn't reach the if block, thus my version: class a: __cmp__ = lambda *a: 0
class b(object): __getattribute__ = lambda *a: b()
you = a()
understand = get = b()
if you == understand.this:
get.a.girlfriend Didn't actually read his before I wrote mine. That feeling when someone already had your idea... head → wall And because I didn't like the mass definition of structs, here's my C version (for which I had to modify the syntax slightly): int main() {
union bar {
void* this;
union bar* a;
void* girlfriend;
} get;
void* you = get.a = &get;
union bar understand;
understand.a = get.a;
if (you == understand.this) {
get.a->girlfriend;
}
return 0;
} |
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Only 8th grade boys like the smell of Axe. The irony is that 8th grade girls think the boys who like it are idiots. So if you want a girlfriend, you;re better off with Old Spice. |
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#!/usr/bin/perl
=head1 NAME
douchebag.pl - douchebaggery implemented in Perl
=head1 SYNOPSIS
$ perl douchebag.pl
=head1 DESCRIPTION
douchebag.pl is precisely what it says on the tin.
=head1 COPYRIGHT
Copyright (C) 2013 Apreten Tiousass Wipe
douchebag.pl may be used and/or redistributed under the same terms as Perl itself.
=cut
sub get_a {
my ($object_to_get, @args) = @_;
if ($object_to_get eq "girlfriend") {
return 0;
} else {
return 1;
}
}
sub you_understand {
my $subject = shift;
return 1;
}
my $this = "perl";
if (you_understand($this)) {
get_a("girlfriend");
} |
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My point was that it didn't compile. |
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jplitza: ooh, i like that one, but changing the Axe code to be less stupid is a definite no-no. |
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It compiled and ran successfully, both on my machine and in the REPL output you posted. |
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Common Lisp * (let* ((you 1) (understand.this 1) (get.a.girlfriend "HODOR!"))
(progn
(defmacro custom-if (func if-form block-start result block-end)
(list `,func `(,(cadr if-form) ,(car if-form) ,(caddr if-form)) result))
(setf (symbol-function '==) (function =)))
(custom-if
if (you == understand.this) {
get.a.girlfriend;
}
))
"HODOR!" |
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@pranavrc All the props. |
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yes, I think @pranavrc wins this thread with that one, macro-to-the-max! |
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Instead of trying to defend original code I'll propose how it should actually look to make sense:
|
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