I've been struggling with finding a balance as far as being empathetic goes. For most of my life I struggled with being a people pleaser - I feel like I was too empathetic for my own good. I'm glad to say I've learned from those experiences. Now, I see empathy as an amazing way to learn and grow. I believe learning to empathize and relate to others is an amazing way of opening your eyes to new ways of doing things, and learning to dismantle unconscious biases you may have. That's certainly how I feel empathy has helped me.
As mentioned in my previous answer, I see empathy as an amazing way to learn. When it comes to something as collaborative and iteration based as software, you have amazing opportunities to utilize empathy to broaden your programming and design horizons, so to speak. The more diverse perspectives you surround yourself by, the more perspectives you can learn from to build the best service possible. Empathy also lets you build a service that helps as many people as possible - again, the more perspectives that are involved, and the more you let yourself learn from them, the better you know how to design your software.
I believe empathy plays a huge role in cultivating respect among teammates. Everyone's perspective is valid and deserves space, and cultivating a culture of empathy helps people realize this. The result is a team that actually works like a team. I believe teams that develop a culture of empathy - like the first article listed in the recommended readings here - work more efficiently, and ultimately produce better products that more effectively serve society.
Last summer, I worked as a security supervisor for a waterpark. I was in charge of overseeing an entrance to the park, and delegating the line staff to make traffic flow smooth. One day, I was at a slower entrance with a younger employee - we'll call him Joey. Joey was still in high school, and clearly wasn't happy to be at work that day. It showed, with him occasionally leaving his post, sitting down, doing things that we were advised not to do. Instead of jumping to conclusions and getting on to him about it, I decided to pull him aside and talk with him for a bit, trying to understand why he was acting the way he was. It turned out that he was stressed, and having a rough time outside of work. As a result, I worked out a system with him that day that allowed him to step away from people and sit down at regular intervals. The effort to be more empathetic paid off, and he worked better for the rest of the day and seemed to have more fun doing it.
When do you find it most difficult to be empathetic in professional settings? How can you improve your skills when faced with these scenarios?
I find it the most difficult to be empathetic when a teammate fails to carry their own weight. I struggle with getting past the frustration (and often slight panic) that comes with those kinds of situations. The best thing I believe I could work on is reminding myself that people generally have good intentions - if someone falls short, there's a very good chance they have a valid reason for doing so. If not, it all comes down to learning to breath and accept that it's not something you can control, and then doing the best you can to work to find a solution.