On the Ridiculon particle (taken from a 1997 Usenet post by Gregg E Economou and enhanced by ChatGPT4 in Douglas Adams' style)

on_the_ridiculon.txt

Background: It has come to my attention that an abundance of baffling occurrences plague our universe.
Theory: A fundamental force exists, intricately intertwined with the rampant absurdity we witness.
Behold:

Introducing the latest particle, the ridiculon.
The ridiculon is the diligent messenger of the force of Ridiculosity.
Ridiculous things spew them at a rate directly proportional to the sheer ludicrousness or imbecility they possess, and these particles engage with matter through a cosmic dance known as universal ridiculosity thermalization, wherein stupidity yearns to disperse until it reaches an equitable distribution.
Ridiculons themselves are the noble steeds upon which ridiculosity gallantly spreads throughout the cosmos.
The more preposterous a thing, the more ridiculons it emits, and anything that survives the onslaught of nonscattering collisions with ridiculons becomes increasingly ridiculous each time such a collision transpires. Although the ridiculon is weightless whilst stationary, it acquires a nominal mass during transit, thus explaining why things densify as they grow more idiotic. A substance that has fraternized with an excessive number of ridiculons will become exceedingly dense and lose its identity as a hadron or lepton, evolving into a new particle family, which I have humbly dubbed a Moron.
Morons decay, for such an overabundance of idiocy is unsustainable, and they begin to emit copious quantities of ridiculons spontaneously. Bystanders can easily detect the increased ridiculon emission and deduce that the Moron is utterly ridiculous or obtuse.

Ridiculons traverse space at velocities surpassing the speed of light – a phenomenon that clarifies two conundrums.
Firstly, it elucidates how asinine notions can infiltrate an entire nation faster than the vacant expressions they leave on the faces of its populace. Secondly, it aligns harmoniously with the general theory: Ridiculons, as the embodiments of Ridiculosity and Stupidity, are inherently absurd entities, and it is only fitting that they defy the cosmic speed limit.
Irrational logic? Precisely, for any theory that dares to confront ridiculons will swiftly find itself drowning in a sea of them, unable to maintain sanity for long!

I have discerned other properties of these peculiar particles through rigorous experimentation with my Ridiculous Particle Accelerator, stationed at the prestigious National Laboratory for Improbable Science Grants in Pittsburgh, PA.
For instance, it appears that ridiculons are not conserved. While they do not infringe upon the sacred laws of matter and energy conservation, a ridiculous thing can unleash a veritable torrent of ridiculons without diminishing its own absurdity.

Moreover, ridiculons demonstrate an astonishing affinity for humans, to the extent that nearly everything we touch or create is imbued with an extraordinary degree of ridiculousness! This has been corroborated by the vast array of human artifacts that re-emit previously absorbed ridiculons, such as diet cola, cordless toothbrushes, perpetual motion machines, soap operas, and polyester attire.

By propelling particles to preposterous velocities within my Ridiculous Particle Accelerator, I managed to coax them into emitting ridiculons as well. This was verified by strategically placing our logbooks adjacent to the target chamber and conducting a series of trials: After a time, our logged results appeared unequivocally absurd – incontrovertible evidence of the ridiculons' handiwork!

This is a thrilling era in physics, and this novel particle will illuminate the reasoning behind the boundless ridiculousness we encounter!

I have also postulated that the ridiculon may hold the key to resolving numerous vexing physics conundrums. For example, Cold Fusion has thus far eluded success. Why? It seems ridiculons have been meddling with the carriers of nuclear forces. They can transform a perfectly functional contraption into putty or lime jello without batting an eyelash. Moreover, they thwart cold fusion devices from operating effectively. Here's my lab's analysis of the situation:
i. Cold Fusion device assembled.
ii. It commences emitting ridiculons.
iii. Upon activation, muons that would typically carry nuclear forces engage in nefarious interactions with ridiculons.
iv. Since the ridiculon possesses mass while in motion, this collision alters the muon's trajectory.
v. Soon after, the ridiculon-muon duo will metamorphose into a moron.
vi. Bereft of the forces required for nuclear attraction and fusion, no fusion materializes.

The dilemma is inherent in cold fusion devices because regardless of efforts made, sufficient ridiculon emission will always impede fusion – the crux of the problem lies in the inherent ridiculousness of cold fusion itself.

Additionally, there's the matter of spin. Ridiculons are unique in their variability. They boast an imaginary spin, that is, a spin which is an imaginary number (I conjured it up!), and this stems from the fact that such a spin is genuinely absurd. This highlights the property of foolish things: if you start with an ordinary item, render it ridiculous, and then apply the operation again, no matter how many times you repeat the process, even with fractional applications, you will neither manage to extract sense from the object nor witness the exact same ridiculousness you began with. It will merely remain ridiculous.

Furthermore, ridiculons defy general relativity. This is exemplified by the following scenario:
Envision a railcar hurtling down a straight track.
A ridiculon emitter is positioned on the car.
To an observer moving with the car, the ridiculon emitter discharges ridiculons at a rate directly proportional to its absurdity.
For each unit distance the train covers, a ridiculon is emitted.
To a stationary observer, only a smattering of these ridiculons should strike the general vicinity, and the item will, to said observer, appear mildly absurd or not at all, particularly if the train is traveling at breakneck speed.
However, empirical observations reveal that the item's ridiculousness is immediately apparent, irrespective of the train's velocity, and that it is measured to be just as ridiculous as when it is stationary. Multiple detectors will register the same full ridiculousness, despite the apparent violation of ridiculon emission distribution over time.
Ridiculons refuse to share relative motion with their emitters. Things remain just as foolish when in motion as they are when still, and hastening their movement will not stretch their stupidity, nor make them seem less daft at any given point.

Stay tuned for further updates on this groundbreaking discovery, as soon as I secure my research grant from the NSF!

Yours truly,
Lord Isildur