the secrets of the web scale sauce

eventmachine_is_web_scale.rb

require 'eventmachine'
EM.run do
  SEKRET_SAUCE = EM.attach(
    open(RUBY_PLATFORM =~ /mswin|mingw/ ? 'NUL:' : '/dev/null', 'w')
  )
  EM.start_server('0.0.0.0', 80, Module.new do
    def post_init; proxy_incoming_to(SEKRET_SAUCE); end
  end)
end

ruby19_is_web_scale.rb

require 'socket'
SEKRET_SAUCE = open RUBY_PLATFORM =~ /mswin|mingw/ ? 'NUL:' : '/dev/null', 'w'
Socket.tcp_server_loop(80) do |client|
  Thread.new { IO.copy_stream(client, SEKRET_SAUCE) }
end

shardnull

#!/usr/bin/env ruby

abort 'Usage: shardnull path num_shards' unless ARGV.size == 2
abort 'shardnull must be run as root' unless Process.uid == 0

require 'rubygems'
require 'ffi'

class File
  extend FFI::Library
  ffi_lib 'c'
  attach_function :mknod, [ :string, :int, :int ], :bool
  attach_function :perror, [ :string ], :void
end

path, num_shards = *ARGV

shards = Array.new(num_shards.to_i) { |n| File.join(path, "null#{n}") }

shards.each do |path|
  if File.mknod(path, 020666, File.stat('/dev/null').rdev)
    File.perror("Error making #{path}")
    abort
  end
  # modes are set via umask (laaame), so we have to open this up here:
  File.chmod 0666, path
  puts path
end

Holy shit, you literally sharded /dev/null

SCALING BRO. HOW DO YOU DO IT? 🤘