A lot of people have been waiting for OpenStreetMap to grow up, to become a humane, productive, and friendly environment. It's time for them to stop waiting and build something else.
You can't just ignore every OpenStreetMap-related communication channel.
You can make the case that the mailing lists don't represent all of OpenStreetMap: that's technically correct. But they are a large part of the public face of the project. They are the required venues for communication about anything. If you're an organization of any kind that interacts with OpenStreetMap, you're required to post on the lists and receive the vitriol or you'll have to hear about how you didn't consult everyone.
That means, as I've said before, that you "Come for the data, and you leave for the community." The more your engage with the project, the worse it is. Want to map a few stores? No problem. Want to work on city-wide or country-wide updates, or organize a mapathon? It'll be a terrible experience. It's arguably even worse if you want to contribute technology.
It's OpenStreetMap's fault that the culture is bad. And it isn't going to get better: we're having the same hackneyed arguments in 2017 that we had in 2011. The same community members who pollute conversations with their constant unkindness are still doing it every day. People who wanted to improve the system, who wanted to contribute, have been trolled away.
It doesn't have to be this way
Toxic environments become normalized quickly. The first time some jerk says something bad, it's a shock. The fifth time, everyone just says, "Oh, that's just how he is."
It doesn't have to be this way. There are communities like Rust or Python that focused on being good from the outset. Even OpenStreetMap-adjacent projects like OpenAddresses have largely avoided community pollution. Good people exist, and good environments do too. This is not normal.
It won't change here
It's time to start over. A community that squeaked by at a smaller scale is wildly dysfunctional at this one. Free speech fundamentalism that inevitably favors the mean-spirited has reigned for so long that even basic moderation is met with fear and anger.
In the distance is the technical discussion, which is its own topic. Technical achievements, though, are built on people systems.
In closing:
How are you going to win, if you ain't right within?!
(Lauryn Hill)