To be or not to be...

hamlet.js

#!/bin/shakespeare -hamlet

function suffer() {
  outrageous_fortune = true;
  return false;
}

function oppose() {
  if (take_arms(sea_of_troubles)) sleep;
  die;
}

question = (be) ? suffer() : oppose();

ask(question);

function argue(type) {
  if (type == "semantics" || type == "syntax") {
    return "seriously?";
  } else {
    return "I don't care";
  }
}