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@Ocramius
Last active July 22, 2017 15:20
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PissOff: a valid, polite and useful alternative to the `void` return type in PHP
vendor
composer.lock
{
"autoload": {
"classmap": [
"PissOff.php"
]
}
}
<?php
declare(strict_types=1);
namespace MyStuff;
require_once __DIR__ . '/vendor/autoload.php';
function fortunately_you_can_tell_your_users_to_piss_off() : PissOff {
return PissOff::wanker();
};
var_dump(fortunately_you_can_tell_your_users_to_piss_off()->i_told_you_to_piss_off);
<?php
declare(strict_types=1);
namespace MyStuff;
final class PissOff
{
/**
* @var \LogicException
*/
private $pissOff;
public static function __callStatic(string $method, array $args)
{
throw new \LogicException('You are not supposed to interact with this object: piss off.');
}
private function __construct()
{
$this->pissOff = new \LogicException('You are not supposed to interact with this object: piss off.');
}
public static function wanker() : self
{
return new self();
}
public function __call(string $method, array $args)
{
throw $this->pissOff;
}
public function __get(string $name)
{
throw $this->pissOff;
}
public function __set(string $name, $value)
{
throw $this->pissOff;
}
public function __isset(string $name)
{
throw $this->pissOff;
}
public function __unset(string $name)
{
throw $this->pissOff;
}
private function __wakeup()
{
}
private function __sleep()
{
}
private function __clone()
{
}
}
<?php
declare(strict_types=1);
namespace MyStuff;
require_once __DIR__ . '/vendor/autoload.php';
function doesnt_it_suck_that_php_has_no_void_return_type() {
};
var_dump(doesnt_it_suck_that_php_has_no_void_return_type()->yeah_it_sucks);
@Ocramius
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Author

@RWOverdijk the fact that you are not a minority does make that comment moot :D

@emacstheviking
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Where i work, we all have this in our shell startups:

alias fuckit="sudo"
alias I_quit="rm -fr /"

Then, one day, when it's all too much you can just do

$ fuckit I_quit

and start walking....

@imreg
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imreg commented Mar 10, 2016

Version number ?
Release date ?

maybe a Conference about it?
T-Shirt & Mug ... Company, called Piss Off Ltd

@eventhorizonpl
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@emacstheviking

You need to add --no-preserve-root

@carlosvini
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This version won't even let you assign it to a variable (made it really fast and it's just a joke):

<?php

class Untouchable {
    private static $count;
    private static $register = [];
    private $id;

    public static function create()
    {
        return new self(self::$count++);
    }
    public static function check()
    {
        echo 'Checking...'.PHP_EOL;
        if (count(self::$register)) {
            throw new Exception('Can\'t touch this');
        }
    }
    private function __construct($id)
    {
        $this->id = $id;
        self::$register[$this->id] = true;
    }
    public function __destruct()
    {
        echo 'I was destroyed: '.$this->id.PHP_EOL;
        unset(self::$register[$this->id]);
    }
}

declare(ticks=1);
register_tick_function([Untouchable::class, 'check']);

function foo(): Untouchable {
    return Untouchable::create();
}

foo();
$a = foo(); // Cant touch this
echo 'end of script'.PHP_EOL;

@olekhy
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olekhy commented Mar 10, 2016

@Ocramius he he tends to one from django/django#2692

@bobmagicii
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Ocramius for President 2016

@Ocramius
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Author

@jp7carlos that is AWESOME!

@Bilge
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Bilge commented Mar 10, 2016

You have code duplication on lines 16 and 21. I honestly expected better.

@Ray-Paseur
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This just made my day!

@natenolting
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lol, oh you guys

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